June 6th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Hancock For Britain Edition)

Comments in the comments please…

UPDATE: Now with added confusion:

 


142 Comments

  1. 1
    David Cameron says:

    I’m ready for bumsex

    Like

    • 4
      Whiffler says:

      Is this a swivel-eyed loon I see before me?

      Like

    • 48
      Plastic Pat says:

      It is fucking simple

      If you pay people for cleaning up shit in old peoples home they will clean up shit
      same as
      If you pay people to stay at home they will stay at home

      If you tax smoking, people will reduce the amount they smoke
      same as
      If you tax profit they will reduce the amount of profit they make

      It really is this simple

      Like

      • 64
        táxpáyér says:

        HOWEVER If you tax rent-seeking then you get lower rents.

        Now THAT’S CAPITALISM. Pity the Dave Party is more likely to do the below insanity.

        http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/investing/buy-to-let/10878209/Rather-than-bashing-buy-to-let-landlords-we-should-help-them-to-flourish.html

        Like

        • 83
          Bosun Higgs says:

          Umm….if somebody reduces the net profit that people can make from rents, those people will tend to reduce supply, thus forcing up rents. Possible solutions to high house prices and rents are (a) reduce immigration and (b) reduce planning constraints.

          Like

          • táxpáyér says:

            Read Ricardo’s Law of Rent and come back to me when you understand it.

            Like

          • The Growler says:

            Anyone wanting to buy a house from £100K, there are quite a few for sale and more coming on line in the near future. There is one teensie-weensie little draw back, I have been assured that an impermeable membrane a few metres down, it is built on the site of an old benzine and coal tar plant when they were stripping the topsoil if the wind was in the wrong direction the smell was excruciating and smelt well over a mile away, but everything is huncky dorry I am assured that there will be no seepage. What are you lads waiting for, put your money where your mouths are.

            Like

          • The Growler says:

            What no takers, you do surprise me

            Like

        • 91
          WIKIPEDIA says:

          In economics (see public choice theory), rent-seeking is spending wealth on political lobbying to increase one’s share of existing wealth without creating wealth. The effects of rent-seeking are reduced economic efficiency through poor allocation of resources, reduced wealth creation, lost government revenue, increased income inequality,[1] and national decline.

          Like

          • táxpáyér says:

            It’s the government passing laws that ensure you a revenue that otherwise would not exist because people would not choose to pay you for this service.

            Like

          • Financial Astrology Rules!.. says:

            I completely confirm my opinions. Whatever I say will be gobbled-down by half-baked morons and quasi-numerate fools. Whatever I say will stand as nothing less that Prophecies! Now, where’s the fucking wine room as I’ve exhausted all my ‘big words’ and I’m down to just being a turd who’s trying to forecast the fucking ‘financial weather past next week’.

            PS. Any deviations from the ‘Norm’ are due to ‘Human Behavior’ and are not due to any ‘short-sightedness’ on my part.

            Like

    • 89
      eels says:

      Eyes to the left.
      (It’s a crap place to be.)

      Like

    • 129
      carroccio1958 says:

      I ll bet tbere ll be a lot of Bolly and foie gras consumed in the Cotswolds this weekend as the Tory Great and Good kick back and relax after what could have been a disaster at Newark and not just a major wound .

      ( on reflection better switch the party to Chequers — can pass it off as grace and favour entertaining on the exes )

      Like

    • 132
      disgusted of tunbridge wells says:

      Hancock-eyed.

      Like

    • 134
      RichUpNorth says:

      ALIEN! They walk among us!

      Like

  2. 2

    Is that a BLUE cake?

    Like

  3. 3
    David Mellor says:

    I stabbed my friend Amanda in the back over the Westminster North MP scuffle says Hancock

    Like

  4. 5
    Robert says:

    That majority is giving me a bi erection

    Like

  5. 6
    Anonymous says:

    “Christ Andrew, Molly just necked that whole bowl of blue-nun!”

    Like

  6. 7
    Newbie says:

    The eyes have it, the eyes have it

    Like

  7. 8
    Cm says:

    Wow, Gove and May finally got a room!

    Like

  8. 9

    No, that’s my surname not an invitation.

    Like

  9. 10
    Erm.. says:

    Who is he?

    Like

  10. 11
    Mycroft says:

    This was the chaps reaction to being asked not to butt in on last nights election program.

    Having spent the night trying to pull the conversation his way, when he couldn’t and was asked to not keep interrupting the UKIP representative this was his reaction.

    My caption:- “They don’t like it up ‘em”

    Like

  11. 12
    Bill Quango MP says:

    He played Ricky Gervaise’s agent in “Extras”

    Like

  12. 13
    Tory Spad says:

    He keeps repeating “the conservative party haven’t won a by election In 25 years” over and over.
    I think the mother board is fried can you send an engineer?

    Like

  13. 14
  14. 15
    Total Recall says:

    “Two weeks….Two weeks…t.t.t…w.w..w.wwweeekkkgghhnnnn”

    Like

  15. 16
    Anonymous says:

    Hancock put on the spot when asked to name which day of the week it was?

    Like

  16. 17
    eye eye captain says:

    Call the technicians our drone has malfunctioned.

    Like

  17. 18
    Wendi says:

    Thank God it’s Friday

    Like

  18. 19
    Hack says:

    Crystal Methodist gave me a big dose

    Like

  19. 20
    Gary says:

    Nick, really – not in public!

    Like

  20. 21
    David of Stourbridge says:

    Hancock practices the ‘swivel-eyed loon’ look in anticipation of a pact with UKIP.

    Like

  21. 22
    Justin McGuirk says:

    Breaking News, a female member of the public has just voted for UKIP.

    Like

  22. 23
    Swivel eye says:

    Did Tony Blair really earn that much?

    Like

  23. 24
    Not so much a caption more a fact says:

    Hancock goes boss eyed when asked a question concerning Europe.

    Like

  24. 25
    Daddy says:

    …thats almost an arm full.

    Like

  25. 26
    Anonymous says:

    Is your heart and mind following yet?

    Like

  26. 27
    E says:

    Ok Hancock do your best miliband eating a bacon sandwich impression.

    Like

  27. 28
    Rastus Q. McHunter says:

    “My surplus is bulging.”

    Like

  28. 29
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Toe
    Knee
    Hand
    Cock

    was far funnier than this lot

    Like

  29. 30
    Govenor of sing sing says:

    Plug the chair in boys.. lets hope he’s a twitcher

    Like

  30. 32
    David Cameron says:

    Its part of our long term economic plan to form a slogan that works for the(soon to replaced) people of this country.

    Like

  31. 33
    Socialism is theft says:

    So Mr Hancock, what do you say to Dave’s intention to invite 75 million Turkish members of the religion of peace to this country?

    Like

  32. 34
    Steve Miliband says:

    MP denies ever taking hallucigenic drugs

    Like

  33. 35
    Here is BBC home service says:

    MP droid requires full reboot after 404 error from his political party’s web page.

    Like

  34. 36
    Common Man says:

    Cricky !

    What do you mean ‘we might actually have to hold an EU referendum…’

    Like

  35. 37
    EyeSee says:

    Eyes down for a fool House

    Like

  36. 38
    The man is such an arse I actually liked the labour guy better says:

    Hancock certainly made my mind up last night.
    I’d rather re engage with my ex finance who gave me crabs than with the politics of the LibLabCons.

    Liked by 1 person

    • 45
      Anonymous says:

      I’m thinking if Ukip has no real chance in the GE,then i will vote for Liebore just to see the back of these smug tossers.

      Like

    • 57
      Mycroft says:

      I can only wholeheartedly agree with you.

      Both Lab and Con were ghastly creatures, but at least the labour chap didn’t appear overtly insane, his insanity was just being a Labour man, but the Con was desperate to not be drawn on anything he hadn’t been briefed on.

      That concentration and blinkered avenue of discussion made him unable to partake unless he had been briefed by his SpAd with whom he was in constant contact.

      I think the BBC should not allow these people to have phones on set.

      Had he not been in constant contact I think we might have been able to more accurately gauge how vacuous his mind was.

      It really was like watching someone being programmed to spout another’s words.

      Still, at least we can highlight this fact and I like that.

      Like

  37. 39
    Boy Milliband says:

    078WEIRDTWAT

    Like

  38. 40
    Steve Miliband says:

    Footage of Farage romp in Malta released

    Like

  39. 41
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Perhaps the remote-controlled vibrator had been rather a bold idea, on reflection.

    Like

  40. 42
    jatrius says:

    Mad swivel-eyed loon lusts for chance to show Diane Evans his huge majority.

    Like

  41. 43
    Maimed Codger says:

    No, my nose is not becoming larger, every time I speak..

    Like

  42. 47
    Socialism = Starvation says:

    Who is the person in the picture? This is all rather village talk, I would say incestuous, but that might be too kind.

    Like

  43. 49
    Mr Allan says:

    Blue nun with Brillo makes Hancock brazy

    Like

  44. 50
    Here is BBC home service says:

    The eyes have it.

    Like

  45. 51
    Socialism is theft says:

    On top of immigration, the EU and green energy taxes, Mr Hancock, what else has your party in common with the Lib Dems?

    Like

  46. 52
    Gentlemen Prefer Polaroids says:

    Damn good job the photograph didn’t catch me giving myself hand relief.

    Like

  47. 53
    Anonymous says:

    I can’t see Handycock anywhere in the picture

    Like

  48. 55
    Bishop Brennan says:

    “So Mr Hancock, why have you been sexually harassing your constituents?”

    “Wha..a?”

    “Oh, sorry, wrong Hancock… you’re not the weirdy-beardy one”

    Like

  49. 56
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loony, closet racist, crank and gadfly says:

    Matthew Hancock spots Diane Abbott’s thighs.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. 59
    kweer street says:

    Senior Tory has his back door smashed in; no change there then.

    Like

  51. 60
    M­a­­q­b­o­­ul says:

    Tonight Matthew, you’ll be doing Stares in your Eyes….!!

    I’ll get me coat.

    Like

  52. 61
    Point of Information says:

    Matt Hancock look like a Nazi.

    Like

    • 87
      Bosun Higgs says:

      Apart from the eyes, nose, mouth, facial shape, eyebrows, chin, hairstyle, ears and uniform, they’re like two peas in a pod.

      Liked by 1 person

  53. 62
    CMQ says:

    Look at the size of that majority !

    Like

  54. 63
    Observant says:

    Hancock experiences a lumpy botty belch.

    Like

  55. 65
    sir alex fergybum says:

    Squeaky bum time 2015

    Like

  56. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Goggle eyed fuckwit.

    Like

  57. 67
    Brillo says:

    And while we await the Newark result, can you show us your ‘cum faces’

    Like

  58. 72
    Anonymous says:

    “Wow, that’s the best election result I’ve had in years !”

    Like

  59. 73
    Stu says:

    He’s just seen what Lord Smith has planned to spend on gay pride marches this year, courtesy of the Environment Agency.

    Like

  60. 74
    The Bubble and Squeaker says:

    The Ayes have it! The Eyes have it!

    Like

  61. 75
    geordieboy says:

    Just seen a photograph of Mike Tyson’s dick.

    Like

  62. 76
    Anna Soobry says:

    He’s enjoying a finger.

    Like

  63. 77
    Diane Fatbott says:

    Would you like to be me baby-father an’ that?

    Like

  64. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Well hell-O-O Penny Mordaunt!

    Like

  65. 79
    neitherdeadnoralive says:

    The bint from UKIP could be seen tapping the leg of the Labour wallah and pointing at Handcock when he nodded off !!

    Like

  66. 81
    gildedtumbril says:

    ” MY flies is undone!”

    Like

  67. 82
    Gobshyte Hancock says:

    My best Ed Balls impression.

    Like

  68. 84
    Evil Doctor says:

    Congratulations, you are now attached at the front of the “Human Centipede”

    Like

  69. 85
    Dean says:

    Why has he unzipped his……..? Bloody hell these lib dems are keen to stay in government!

    Like

  70. 86
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Matt Hancock hears that the 2026 World Cup is to be organised and staged by the Sinaloa Drug Cartel, in order to reduce the level of corruption involved.

    Like

  71. 88
    Vince Cable says:

    It wasn’t me! I was-er-going for a walk, um, watching telly, that’s it.

    Like

  72. 90
    CCHQ says:

    He’s watching Grant Shapps Crapping

    Like

  73. 92
    John Bellingham says:

    “You are getting sleepy, sleepy, sleeeeepy! Now vote conservative!”

    Like

  74. 93
    Ziz says:

    -twat makes mental note of things to do:

    1. get sheaf of expenses claim forms
    2. have quick wa—
    3. suck up to Cameron and BBC

    and—————–oh yeh

    4. get thyoid function tests done–again

    Like

  75. 94
    Ed Miliband says:

    Looks thlike a perthectly reathonable faithul expwession to me.

    Like

    • 99
      Presumably 'Politics and Poetry' was fully-booked says:

      He’s got the same Mickey Mouse degree as you, too.

      Like

  76. 95
    Rickytshirt says:

    As Matt felt a surge of stimulation from his neath-pant area, he recalled the reading the blurb on the box of his personal massager.

    “This discrete, yet powerful personal massage device will respond to sudden increases in body temperature and changes in galvanic skin response using an array of sensors in the shaft. In times of high stress the maximum setting will instantaneously activate, immediately getting to work on those problem areas and vibrating those worries away. Clean with soap and warm water. ***As recommended by 17 Lib Dem M.P.’s***

    Like

  77. 97
    Mike Hancock (the sane one, as it happens), says:

    And you call ME the “strange” Hancock! I don’t even know this bloke (let alone am I related to him) and by the look of him, I don’t suppose I want to, either. Boaz.

    Like

  78. 100
    Sid James says:

    I’m going to to give you a punch up the bracket, Hancock.

    Like

  79. 101
  80. 102
    The Westminster guide to MPs who've never had real jobs says:

    Minister of State for Skills and Enterprise shits himself when asked to list the real-world work experience that qualified him for the role.

    Like

  81. 104
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    And for my next trick, I will vanish just like the Oozelum Bird.

    Like

  82. 105

    …and this is my Ed Miliband impression.

    Like

  83. 106
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    If there was a prize on offer – i just might be bothered.

    Like

  84. 107
    Eddy Balls says:

    Who are you calling a swivel-eyed loon?

    Like

  85. 109
    Anonymous says:

    We’ll give you a prize if you sod off.

    Like

  86. 110
    Welshracer says:

    His reaction when presented with a knitted willy warmer to go with his jumpers.

    Like

  87. 111
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Not on the leg Molly, not on the leg.

    Like

  88. 112
    Sage Vals says:

    Caption: *I spy… EU Commissioner’s job! EU Commissioner’s job…*

    Like

  89. 113
    Alexei Romanov says:

    I usually take them out at night!

    Like

  90. 114
    neitherdeadnoralive says:

    He’s not hiding the “lizard” very well; but no doubt he will be at a future Bliderburger meeting !!

    Like

  91. 115
    Anonymous says:

    “Oops – that wasn’t a fart!”

    Like

  92. 116
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “Blucher!”

    Like

  93. 117
    OptrexMe says:

    Gobstopper eyeballs…

    Like

  94. 118

    Look, I don’t mind going up to Newark to campaign three or four times. I don’t even mind having to sign in and sign out when I visit. But compulsory bumsex sessions, in order to appear hip, is way beyond the pale.

    Like

  95. 119
    Gez says:

    “We’re reducing the deficit and bringing immigration down. Cameron will negotiate the EU into a different entity. Wibble! Hatstand! Bling dong bling dong I’m a clock!”

    Like

  96. 121
    igor [walk this way] frankensteeeen says:

    Marty Feldman knew my mother. My mother knew Marty Feldman!

    Like

  97. 125
    Anonymous says:

    How do you look at it?

    Like

  98. 127
    Truthteller says:

    He’s my MP and he’s a HUNT!!!

    Like

  99. 128
    Parody Lost says:

    Troll the tongue and roll the eye

    Like

  100. 130
    Spartacus says:

    I’ve been shaking hands with many black people in Newark . . .

    Like

  101. 131
    Anonymous says:

    Cocky hears the news that laws has been called in to advise on their election expense return.

    Like

  102. 133
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Hancock For Britain Edition)”
    Is this a han(d) I see before me? What manner of magnificence, be within its grasp?

    Like

  103. 136
    Anonymous says:

    Matt ‘Eagle Eyes’ Hancock, Made In England By Palitoy Under Licence From Hasbro ®

    Like

  104. 137
    GlobeLink News ! says:

    The vision mixing on this programme is always to a high standard !

    Like

  105. 138
    Eric Edmond says:

    Oh dear my former BoE chum is trying to rival Dianne Abbott in the eye rolling competition. I am baffled.

    Like

  106. 141
    ken wilkinson says:

    Unexspected cold front hits the Trossacks.

    Like

  107. 142

    We’re a gaggle of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with helpful information to paintings on. You have performed a formidable job and our whole neighborhood shall be thankful to you.

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

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Welcome to Mississippi | Conservative Women
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Carswell Resigning: “Moment Labour Won Election” | Labour Uncut
Why We Need Change | Douglas Carswell
The Howard Roark of Westminster | Guardian
Carswell, the Clacton Cassandra | James Ford
Love Bomb Carswell | ConservativeHome
Denis MacShane’s Ex is Now Hacked Off Spokesman | Speccie
How the Carswell Story Unfolded | Sky News


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Douglas Carswell’s side-kick Dan Hannan MEP pours water on the obvious question:

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Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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