June 2nd, 2014

Flapping Tories Threaten Candidates in Last Ditch Newark Bid


In further proof that the Tories are in a bit of a flap about Newark, the party chairman has just threatened the six hundred wannabe Tory MPs that they will be booted off the approved candidates list if they do not campaign ahead of Thursday’s poll. In an email seen by Guido, Shapps warns:

“As you know, a condition for being on the candidates list is the requirement to campaign in by-elections. Having spent 10 years on the list myself, I know that this expectation is no different from that which will be expected from you as an MP. Candidates who do not assist at by-elections without good reason may put themselves at risk of being removed from the list of approved candidates. … As a possible Parliamentary candidate, the Party is looking to you to show leadership and to support it in this critical by-election.”

They will not be able to throw this much effort at every seat UKIP are targeting this time next year…


  1. 1
    Shooty* says:

    … or you could try… y’know… being a little bit Right Wing like you’re meant to be.

    Or is that just “populism” these days?

    Liked by 1 person

    • 5
      dai wondering says:

      and that’s ‘leadership’?

      Liked by 1 person

      • 35
        Greek Omlette says:

        So the pompous tw@at Jenrick must have been put forward to go onto the list when he was 12!

        Liked by 1 person

      • 178
        absolutelypassionate says:

        UKIP will abolish inheritance tax. Inheritance tax brings in under £4bn – less than a third of what we spend on foreign aid. The super-rich avoid it, while modest property owners get caught by it. It hits people during a time of grief and UKIP will budget in its 2015 spending plans to completely abolish this unfair death tax.

        Liked by 1 person

    • 32
      Anonymous says:

      They’ve woken up and now smell the fear.

      Liked by 2 people

      • 37
        Nigel Farage says:


        I love the smell of LibLabCon fear.

        Liked by 1 person

        • 64
          Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Layabouts & other Wasters says:

          The Tories will eventually partner with UKIP, it’s the only survival plan.


          • UK Fred says:

            It would be suicide for UKIP.

            Liked by 3 people

          • The Goyim Reaper says:

            Oh no they won’t. Not even if “call me Bumsex Dave” personally filleted his own liver on the television in a Party Political Broadcast. There are more votes from Labour malcontents.
            In fact, call me Ducky will be filleting his own liver after the May 2015 gig. Not even Herr Schnapps can motivate the Tories to rescue a drowning man who has absolutely nothing to add to the debate except scream.


          • Pete Hodge says:

            If UKIP joined up with the Tories my membership would stop. And Blair is getting desperate. He wants to be president of Europe and if we left he could not be.


      • 44
        If it fooks off Blair then it must be good says:

        Blair accuses Farage of ‘stigmatising’ foreigners to win over angry white working class voters.

        Liked by 1 person

        • 75
          Dodgyl ‘Dave’ – obliged to speachyfy to Common People in a Warehouse in Newark (in desperation) says:

          Trust me – I give you my Weasel Words – and you know me well enough by now!

          Liked by 1 person

        • 76
          Purple Dogzzz says:


          Liked by 1 person

        • 84
          Socialism is theft says:

          This from the man who was responsible for killing more foreigners than anyone in the last 50 years. If UKIP stigmatises, then Blair and Labour commit genocide.

          Liked by 2 people

        • 105
          jgm2 says:

          ‘Stigmatise’ foreigners? Is that the same thing as inventing evidence to justify a war resulting in the death of half a million foreigners?

          You c*unt.


          • Anonymous says:

            It’s a bit more like branding anyone racist, that wants the UK to be governed by those elected by the people of the UK.

            Liked by 1 person

        • 174
          Anonymous says:

          At least he is not bombing them.


    • 53
    • 60
      The Growler says:

      “In further proof that the Tories are in a bit of a flap about Newark” in the words of the Blessed Magaret, they are “frit, frit, FRIT, FRIT

      Liked by 1 person

    • 88
      Hadley "Screaming Banshee" Freeman says:


      Trigger Warning. Trigger Warning.

      #Angry white men like shooty are trying to take us back to the awful past before we were modern and enriched. Before 1997 156% of all women females were r.a.p.e.d by #angry white men.

      I’m going to the World Cup in Brazil. I am so oppressed and this is my chance to defeat the patriarchy. I hope I don’t have to meet the poor people there though, ewwww.

      Sexist. Racist. White.


    • 140
      rollo57 says:

      The truth about our sovereignty, 30 years on!



    • 144
      Mycroft says:

      The Con leadership has lost it’s way and will not change quickly or convincingly enough to make a difference.

      A while a go a chap Blair (Piss be upon Him) realised that the Country was flirting with a middle ground stance and it killed the Cons for 13 years and in those 13 years they moved themselves into that bland area political wilderness, have no doubt it was a wilderness, but we wanted it, so we got it.

      Today we are not in favour of that ground, it is barren and often poisoned, we’ve all moved to the right, the Cons haven’t moved, they will of course, but they need time.

      The alliance with the LibDems meant they couldn’t move at all, so these last 4 years have been a disaster for them at a very fundamental level.

      The worst effect though is that they couldn’t claim that they were anything but an accommodating middle ground party so even their ‘crowing’ over the last 4 years has been on that schtick, that schtick is about to beat the living daylights out of them.

      Their is nothing they can do to undo these last four years and they are beginning to realise this, deep in their cynical hearts they have fear a deep visceral fear.

      Fear often makes people gibber and the above missive is an example of that gibbering.

      No matter the outcome Thursday will be a disaster for them, this should be a walk in the park, sadly it looks like it is exactly that a walk in the wee small hours in New York’s Central Park circa the 1970s.

      They are going to be mugged.

      Liked by 1 person

    • 154
      More Politicians than people says:

      Liked by 1 person

    • 175
      táxpáyér says:

      Do you think the MORE they meet the “dave” Party, the more they’ll think “I’m voting UKIP!”?

      Liked by 2 people

    • 194

      The tone is definitely Big Brotherish

      ( Shapps looks the epitome if what I imagine Little Lord Fauntleroy would look like –complete with high collar and smug self congratulaTory ook –either that or Tom Brown from Rugby in “Schooldays ” ……All he lacks is the Rugby Topper!!)

      Liked by 2 people

  2. 2
    A Fishy Story says:

    Harriet & Ed go all the way to Newark to buy Fish?


  3. 3
    Tory Candidate says:

    But if I’m in Newark whose going to make Osborne’s coffee?


  4. 4
    eels says:

    Looks like Tony Blairs younger brother.


  5. 6
    UKIP Put Britain First says:


    • 22
      Steve Miliband says:

      The future of British politics, Roger Helmer and Neil Hamilton, oh dear God


      • 39
        Neil Hamilton not Robert Kilroy-Silk says:

        Don’t forget fragrant Christine


      • 42
        Guffaws says:


        It is funny see an ex-Tory MEP claim he can bring a revolution.

        UKIP are hilarious and so are all their troll posters. Good for a laugh every day!


        • 79
          ed milliband peoples representitive of somewhere up north i have to visit every now and again says:

          i don’t hear much laughing coming out of westminster?


      • 47
        Vox pop says:


        • 52
          Witty Moniker says:

          Neil Hamilton is a UKIPper eh? New kind of politics eh? You couldn’t make it up.


          • Anonymous says:

            What are they thinking? That pr@t will cost UKIP votes.


          • Surprisingly Good says:

            No he won’t. He did the Local election coverage on Sky and even his worst enemy would have to admit that he was very good.


          • Guffaws says:

            Hilarious! Mr Sleaze is now the face of UKIP

            Brilliant. A clown a day.


        • 185

          Hilarious says Guffaws, Mr Sleaze is now the face of UKIP.
          Even more hilarious is the reason for the by-election. Patrick ‘Sleazbag’ Mercer is a crook, a racist and an anti-semite.



    • 103
      Ron Barras says:

      I thought most revolutions were about overthrowing parliaments, not joining them.

      Helmer won’t win but even if he did it would see UKIP join the “revolutionary” power of the Greens with one MP each.


      • 157
        Silly leftie says:

        The only real revolutionary party in British Politics. All other parties are pegged to the american neo-liberalism which masquerades as economics.


      • 169
        tallbloke says:

        The journey to a parliamentary majority begin with the first MP


    • 191
      Face stomping chianti socialists till I'm knee deep says:

      Revolution on a handlebar mustached whisky sodden geez? wot the fuck, I’ll vote for him just to kick the others in the teeth….


  6. 8
    Sam Gyimah MP says:

    Dave meets a black man in Newark


  7. 17
    bubble says:

    Given they had 50%+ of the vote at the 2010 election you’d think they’d have plenty of local volunteers.


  8. 20
    Attila The Hen says:

    I’m glad you’ve published this. I was about to write a massive snottagram to Shapps. He may forget that the good candidates are people who would be far senior to him in the private sector and don’t need to be spoken to like this.


    • 26
      What name is Shapps using next? says:

      Oh for the Tories to lose.


    • 36
      Real World says:

      Unlike him, they probably still have proper jobs to go to


    • 77
      Stop Crapps says:

      Grant Craps is the Lucky Luciana of the Tory Party

      He is way above his station and must be delusional if he thinks he is important

      He is another plastic creation of PS conmen

      And in fact a very cheap hack of a deeply corrupt and traiterous mob…


    • 192
      Biffo says:

      Grant Shapps is a snotty little oik with ideas above his station IMO. I wrote to him when he was pushing the idea that all older folk whose kids had left home should be ‘persuaded’ to downsize – this wasn’t just social housing oldies but ones who had bought & had paid for their own house. Having read him in the newspapers & seen him constantly pushing the idea on TV – I think his idea that their Council Tax could be increased & increased to force them to move on – so I asked him since it was such a brilliant idea could he tell me when Mere & Pere Shapps would be moving to their new semi – never got a reply funnily enough.


  9. 25
    NBeale says:

    Both main parties are quite right to be campaigning hard in Newark. It is the best chance of pricking the UKIP bubble.

    Credit also (for once) to Ed Miliband for putting a real effort in here – I think he’d genuinely prefer a Conservative hold to a UKIP win and quite right. I suspect it will be quite close.


    • 30
      Oh NBeale, are you OK? says:


      ‘Credit also (for once) to Ed Miliband’

      Jeez, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha


      • 183
        Necrophiliac Dating Agency-Just Where Do They Dig These People Up From? says:

        Credit for getting off his arse and driving up to Newark? What would you give him if he did a 4 mile run? A knighthood!? A Nobel Prize? UKIP have set the campaigning bar high all over the UK. No longer can any of the Westminster Parties sit on their laurels. The fact that they’re not connecting to normal people will make it even harder to achieve because they just won’t have the membership to mobilize.


    • 72
      jgm2 says:

      Con hold or UKIP win, Ned Miliband is still going to come third in a two horse race.


      • 120
        Bert says:

        Neatly implying that he is a steaming heap of khaki dung.


      • 152
        Jockey Club Balls Up says:

        We will hold a judge led enquiry into how three horses started this race and only two were seen to finish


    • 117
      ed milliband peoples representitive of somewhere up north i have to visit every now and again says:

      i’m putting a real effort into my party doing well by staying away


    • 173
      tallbloke says:

      Many Newark Labour voters will be making a tactical choice by voting UKIP.
      This because they want our country back too. Or so I was told by a lifelong Labour voter in Newark yesterday.


  10. 29
    Dream on says:

    yes but this time next year, the Tory voters will actually bother to vote, especially with the threat of back-dooring Millitwat into number 10


    • 63
      jgm2 says:

      If UKIP win this seat then next year the ‘Tory’ voters will vote UKIP again. And so will Labour voters.

      Voters are crying out for any alternative to the Lab/Con duopoly that brought the UK to this point. Strangers in our own capital city. Unaffordable housing. Windmill Tax. Massive national debt. Massive annual deficits. Gurning nasal chimps with ambitions to be PM.


    • 65
      just saying says:

      Those considering voting UKIP in the GE won’t be put off
      by the spurious threat that it’ll let Miliband in.


      • 83
        jgm2 says:

        Oh yes they will (or a lot of them will) but if there’s a few by-elections in the meantime and UKIP win every single one (unlikely but it’s what would need to happen) then voters will vote UKIP in the GE in the safe knowledge that it’s not a vote for Miliband (or Cameron).


    • 127
      The party's over says:

      Unfortunately for the head-in-the-clouds Labour/Tory tribalists, all the things that are seriously p1ssing off people in this country are hardly going to go away any time soon.

      In fact, the problems from the loss of sovereignty, creeping islamification, and the fall out from decades of mass uncontrolled immigration, are going to get a lot, lot worse.


  11. 33
    Elvis has entered the building says:


    • 43
      Witty Moniker says:

      Is that supposed to be Jimmy Saville? Then he and the Lib Dems are distinguishable, no?


  12. 34
    Mad Franky Hollande says:

    The Conservatives just need to beam a Batman-like image into the skies depicting Ed Miliband and Ed Balls walking in Downing Street.

    CON GAIN guaranteed!


  13. 40
    Witty Moniker says:

    Is Shapps actually going to turn up himself this time? Unlike the Sunday before last when, after demanding that candidates turn up on a Sunday morning, he demonstrated his solidarity with the troops by … being elsewhere.

    If so, then it’s another f.o. from me. Stuff your bloody list, I have a life.


  14. 41
    Standing room only at the UKIP venue says:


    • 49
      Witty Moniker says:

      UKIP eh? What a great cross-section of the age demographic they’ve got there.


      • 61
        UKIP The British INCLUSIVE Party says:

        Take a proper look at the photo and you are correct. The audience consists of all ages and both sexes. Something that the LibLabCon are trying to hide.


      • 62
        the braintree ripper says:

        More likely to vote unlike brain dead ” yoots”

        Jenrick is toast
        So Jenrick, prepare to return to one of your houses and think about sodomites and gypsies


    • 67
      Guffaws says:

      Hilarious! Looks like a Saga club. Is Thora Hurd talking about herbaceous borders or have they shown up for a free cup of tea and because the building’s heated?


      • 74
        Stafford says:

        LibLabCon….The ageist party.


      • 113
        Socialism is theft says:

        An audience mainly unsullied by state education and its pro-EU propaganda paid for by taxpayers money.


      • 142
        The party's over says:

        At least there are no empty chairs, unlike at a lab/con staged managed event, even with the bused in party stooges masqueraded as Joe Public.


    • 95
      The BBC says:

      Hideously white.


    • 203
      The People's Army (Newark Battalion) says:

      I was there and nearly fell asleep as I was whacked after hours of door-knocking without any food.


  15. 50
    the braintree ripper says:

    Get out and canvass for tax dodging man of the people 4 houses Jenrick

    I wonder if Jenrick is doing a Tower Hamlets and vooting from each room of his many houses?


  16. 54
    Son of Jenrick says:

    My father has many houses


  17. 58
    Bewildebeest says:

    If the approved list is made up of the type of candidate they’ve got in Newark it wouldn’t be a bad thing to lose the lot.
    Read his clumsy description of himself which describes his background and schooling. If someone has to specify that their primary schooling was ‘State’ then the rest of it obviously was not.
    It didn’t fool me but it obviously works with the simple minded fools at ‘Candidate Selection’


    • 66
      the braintree ripper says:

      The Duke of Westminster sent his children to a state primary then it was off to rodean/eton and a lifeof unearned wealth

      Gerald has even more houses than jenrick


  18. 70
    UKIP The Inclusive Party says:


    • 182
      Flaming Torches R Us says:

      Hope that little lady in front doesn’t get cold feet on Thursday! Have they been warning voters of the folded voting slips dirty tricks?


  19. 73
    ed milliband peoples representitive of somewhere up north i have to visit every now and again says:

    the woman on the checkout looks like a dreadfull bigot


  20. 80
    Meet Balls says:


  21. 91

    #YesAllWomen = #fail ?

    Vote UKIP :-D


  22. 96
    UniteAgainst Labour says:

    Funny isn’t it how the victims of old male gropers can be invited to come forward in their droves in the name of justice (and compensation) but when Guido invites the victims of Bullying Berger to do the same she shuts his thread down.

    And this is the party of “equality and fairness” which is going to pursue a “radical shake up of the justice system”.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid.


    • 131
      Norm Normal says:

      They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Notice in most photos that Mz Lucky’s mouth is smiling but the eyes aren’t? Always a dangerous sign!


  23. 100
    UKIP target Labour voters says:


  24. 109
    Toffs' day out says:


    • 114
      Go UKIP says:

      It’s our PM David Blair.


    • 121
      The Tosser in No. 10 says:

      This is how I look when I’m completely – and utterly – fucked!

      Liked by 1 person

    • 125
      the braintree ripper says:

      just look at the hunger in jenricks eyes, it brokeback mountain, and why isnt the shot arsed twat wearing a tie?

      Col Helmer probably sleeps in one


      • 153
        Jenricks says:

        Not wearing a tie gives the appearance I give toss about any of these ghastly Newark wretches.


        • 160
          jgm2 says:

          Working class background you see. Went to a state primary school. Man of the people. Honest.


      • 206
        The People's Army (Newark Battalion) says:

        Not wearing a tie says, “I’m a cool metro-ar*ehole who thinks I’m above all of that.”


    • 150
      ExCon says:

      The sun has got his hat on – but not obvious from the expressions in this photo.
      Smell the fear.


    • 159
      Mycroft says:

      He looks remarkably like Clegg did after the Euro-vote doesn’t he!

      The dead eyes of the lost and bewildered.

      Infamy, they’ve all got it in for me…


    • 204
      The People's Army (Newark Battalion) says:

      Come back again before Thursday, Dave, you posh tosser.


    • 209
      Broke Back Tories says:

      Those Eyes are saying that Jenrick wants to marry Dave and have his babies.


  25. 118
    Uncle Fester says:

    The Citizens of Newark must be sick of the sight of Politicians and Media

    Serve them all right if they voted Greens


    • 155
      Here is BBC home service says:

      Your not kiddin, they would regret it within 10 seconds, instead of politicians they would end up with windmills and extra energy taxes and that bloody awful woman they have in charge, ear plugs will be provided but due to transport costs they will cost £20.


  26. 119
    Here is BBC home service says:

    Even the head teacher is out, woe betide all those future Camorons Conservative MPs who don’t attend church services, sounds as if it’s gone past, UKIP are just racist and after the Euro elections they will disappear, to oh! hell ring the alarm bells and get every one down to Newark we are close to losing it.


  27. 123
    Gawd Help Us says:

    Must be the ultimate threat to have your ticket to the gravy train express confiscated.


    • 130
      jgm2 says:

      Aye – that Jenrick must be shitting himself. Handed a nice ‘safe’ seat and looks like he might lose it.

      Tee hee.


  28. 124
    Grant Crapps says:

    Vote Tory in Newark and get your Member to ask Parliamentary questions

    For cash, of course

    We are all in this together


    • 129
      Democracy at work says:

      Vote Tory

      Get Rebekah Brooks, Andy Coulson and Dirty Digger Murdoch

      For free


      • 134
        jgm2 says:

        Vote Labour

        Get Iraq war, 2 million 3rd world immigrants from Sh*it*is*tan, financial meltdown and Len McCluskey.

        For free 800bn quid extra debt.


  29. 132
    the braintree ripper says:

    Allwe need now is for Mcmental to wish Jenrick the best of luck and the tories are doomed

    He is Labours ultimate doomsday option


  30. 137
    Here is BBC home service says:

    It seems criminal Bliar is out helping the EU dictatorship, keep it up Bliar, he will never ever be el Presidenti, but he is a real help to the Eurosceptics, because he’s hated by most of the country.


  31. 138
  32. 146
    Fruitcake, swivel eyed loony, closet racist, crank and gadfly says:

    Shapps, Cameron, Hague, May, Osborne, you are crapping yourselves and with good reason. Heaven would be a UKIP win, a halving of the majority and you’re in a tailspin.

    Vote UKIP, get UKIP.
    Vote Tory, get Ed.


  33. 147
    Nigel Farage says:

    Stigmatize eh! Well at least I don’t go around bombing them!!


  34. 149
    Stephen Duffy says:

    Surely ” of” being on the candidates list rather than “for ” ? He should speak with MG. They must see one another occasionally ? Perhaps around that large table in Downing Street ?


  35. 151
    What Dave doesn't want to hear says:


    • 156
      UKIP Hacking at the roots with the truth says:

      That’s the way to talk to ‘em.

      I’d buy that man a pint if I had the chance.

      Hope it gets on MSM.


      • 165
        jgm2 says:

        The way to talk to them is to wait until about twenty seconds into their speech and then just stand up and walk out.

        Say nothing at all.

        Even better if you’ve arranged it with the rest of the shift beforehand. Just all stand up and walk off. Leave him with a room full of empty chairs and TV cameras. Nothing would finish a politician’s career quicker.


    • 164
      Stanley says:

      I’ve never seen a bunch of Dixons/Currys workers so well turned out, and all in matching Hi-Viz, bet they’re all Eastern European temps…


      • 171
        Saturday Boy says:

        Currys? Maybe he was talking about a cast iron guarantee, well an extended warranty anyway ….


      • 179
        Saturday Boy says:

        Dixons? Maybe he was talking about a cast iron guarantee, well an extended warranty anyway ….


    • 187
      joolz says:

      Can anybody remember how many times Mr Cameron turned up in

      South Shields
      Wythenshawe and Sale East
      Newark 5?


    • 205
      The People's Army (Newark Battalion) says:

      I’ve worked all hours of the day in a place like that. I bet Dave hasn’t.


  36. 162
    Nigel Farage says:

    I’d buy him a pint too several!!


  37. 166
    Old Grumpy says:

    I wouldn’t read too much into this, Guido. It does newbies good to be reminded of what they are all about.

    The fact is that UKIP is notorious for the silence of their candidates…… they rely on the cult of celebrity to get their results.


  38. 168
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Please correct me if I’m wrong on this but wasn’t it only a couple of weeks ago that these knobs were having us believe that no-one wanted to be an MP because the pay was poor and the benefits were not sufficient?
    600 on the tory lists and god knows how many waiting to climb aboard the Lab/Lib gravy train.
    They’ve shattered my faith, I’ll never believe another word they say.


  39. 170
    Anonymous says:

    “They will not be able to throw this much effort at every seat UKIP are targeting this time next year…”

    Neither will the kippers.


  40. 177
    Conservative rainbow alliance says:

    Catemite Jenrick will probably become impotent rather than important after the vote
    It will be left to a real man from UKIP to look after Mr Jenrick leaving young Jenrick to lap her filthy labia clean aaterwards
    A bit like Bercow does to his Mrs


  41. 214
    John Tandy says:

    Panicking ?


  42. 215
    John Tandy says:



Seen Elsewhere

Nick Robinson’s Britain First Selfie | Metro
Dyson: Leave German Dominated EU, Join EFTA |
How UKIP Won Rochetser | Seb Payne
Labour’s Islington Problem | Harry Phibbs
Ed Lost More Than a By-Election | Labour Uncut
Labour the Biggest Losers in Rochester | Speccie
Thornberry a Gift to Farage | Nick Wood
Is Left Finally Turning Against EU? | Dan Hannan
Labour Votes Going Green | Guardian
UKIP Winning Class War | Tim Stanley
UKIP is a Good Thing | Peter Bone

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Ralph Miliband on the English…

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