May 29th, 2014

Private Eye’s Bercow Bashing Two Weeks Out of Date

Lord Gnome is clearly a fan of this organ’s new feature, Speaker Watch. This week, Private Eye’s Gavel Basher takes a look at the recent bad behaviour of John Bercow, don’tchaluvim?, beginning with news of the failed attempt by Bercow, ain’tyasickofhim, to try to get his pal Julian Lewis the Defence Select Committee chair job. Shome mishtake, shurely, since this was something Guido reported two weeks ago (They’ve done this already, Ed).

The Eye go on, noting Bercow’s tactic of repeatedly calling Lewis to ask questions in the House to let him plug his credentials, despite his name not being on the order paper. Once again, Guido pointed this out two weeks ago (Get on with it, Ed):

Finally, the Eye brings you news of Bercow’s ill treatment of the recently departed Clerk of the House. News that appeared on Guido a month ago (You’re fired, Ed):


Get your latest Speaker news from Guido, or in Private Eye two weeks later…


  1. 1
    Son of Leon says:

    Bashing the Bishop ?

  2. 2
    grasmit says:

    journalists quoting people ? Seems a bit dubious to me

  3. 3
    You couldn't make it up says:

    Now that Meera Syal has been added to the GCSE English set text list, what’s next? Jade Goody’s autobiography? Honest: My Story So Far by Tulisa? Some load of bollocks by Jeffrey Archer? Or perhaps My Booky Wook by Russell Brand?

  4. 4
    Johann Hari says:

    Journalists quoting people ? Seems a bit dubious to me.

  5. 5
    Mycroft says:

    Private Eye lost it’s ‘edge’ years ago.

    It is the acceptable voice of criticism these days, nihilistic cynicism is worthless these days, being snide alone is worthless.

    By all means be poisonous, but have at hand some form of antidote or remedy otherwise the result is a deadpool of hopelessness.

  6. 6
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    Or if you have a small knob,
    Bashing the Bercow

  7. 7
    peoples glorious leader of Doncaster says:

    The establishments antiestablishment rag

  8. 8
    Sue Denim says:

    Have you read it?

  9. 9
    You couldn't make it up says:

    Which one? I mentioned a number of books.

  10. 10
    A measured respponse to a bloody awful posting says:

    Has it occurred to the gloating cynical Geedos that maybe many PE readers do not visit this site, many may not have an internet connection or may perhaps have been on holiday and did not bother to catch up on the previous fortnight’s blogs? I know that when I have to leave my computer for a few days, I rarely look back on here. After all, why should I seek out old news?

    There is plenty of room in this land for both O-O and PE, so Guido, give it a rest. It is not clever nor funny and I for one do not like it.

    I shall ensure the door does not hit me on the bum on the way out.

  11. 11
    Dan Hodges Cat says:

    Talking of eyes,
    While Dans asleep I play with his glass eye.
    Stick it my bum and walk backwards pretending I’m some crazy Cyclops cat.
    Don’t worry I lick it clean when I’m finished.

  12. 12
    Cultural Revolution Enforcement Officer, BBC says:

    It would be racist not to. You have been warned.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    You know it’s a fortnightly publication, right?

  14. 14
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Hislop’s slip slop!

  15. 15
    5 Foot Poll says:

    Had hoped you’d got this Private Eye bashing out of your system. Sadly not it seems…

  16. 16
    More foccacia comrade? says:

    Has it occurred to you that no one gives a shit one way or the other?

    PE plagiarism is Guido’s problem (and PE’s creativity dept’s), not ours.

  17. 17
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    You should cancel your Order-Order subscription.

  18. 18
    Bill Quango MP says:

    He knows.
    He just don’t care.

  19. 19
    If you can remember the 60s, you're a nob says:

    Yes – it is always at least two weeks behind everyone else.

    and culturally, about 50 years behind.

  20. 20
    rick says:

    There was a time, I seem to remember, when PE was considered so radical that WH Smith refused to sell it. It is now so establishment that it can probably be found on the coffee table at No.10.

  21. 21
    Ian Hislop says:

    PE goes out 2-weekly and the top sets of news were after the previous PE had been printed.

    PE has loads of stories about local government corruption, which Gheedough doesn’t, and of course stories about the murd0ch empire which Gheedough isn’t allowed to.

    Gheedough recent spate of posts about Miliband looking like a dork are Have-I-got-News-for-you level rather than PE.

    Of course PE has called Gheedough a “salad-dodger” a couple of times, so I assume this is part of the fun and games

  22. 22
    A measured respponse to a bloody awful posting says:

    Perhaps the poncy gits from cloud-cuckoo land who added this book to the list could please explain why they think it deserves all the attention? I suspect only schools with muzzy Heads will ever consider using it in their own school’s syllabus anyway. So we must have lots of muzzy examiners tucked away somewhere then to do the marking/evaluation??? Methinks that if you produce a negative critique you will be failed – and thus have the rest of your life fucked up by not being able to get into the university of choice. Isn’t diversity wonderful?

  23. 23
    Sue Denim says:

    “Anita and Me”. It was a serious question.

  24. 24
    A measured response to a bloody awful posting says:

    I’ve already done that 6 times, but the cvnt keeps coming back!

  25. 25
    peech imspediment says:

    Too late… Bilderburger’s already got their man (sic) Florence of Arabia in post.

  26. 26
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Luke Farage – “You can’t win Barusso.. The more you tighten your grip, the more Europeans will slip through your fingers.”

  27. 27
    Ian Hislop says:

    We’ve had a few anti-Murd0ch stories recently. Gheedough is obliged to respond.

  28. 28
    You couldn't make it up says:

    No I haven’t. She’s a shit so-called “comedienne” and actress, so I’m hardly going to read one of her books.

  29. 29
    Sue Denim says:

    The real reason why teachers are opposed to any changes to the standard books is that they will have to read them.

    At the moment, they just rehash the same old notes that they have used for the past thirty-odd years.

  30. 30
    Public Eye says:

    We took the great racism survey results and went to see how that translates onto the street and how it effects people in their real lives.
    White people are a hundred times more likely to be r*ped murdered or robbed by a non white person than a non white person is to be r*ped Murdered or robbed by a white.

    Our conclusion.
    Sticks and stones is what break your bones not being called names by some old codger down the pub.

  31. 31

    Through his fingers? Fingers?

    The sphincter ani externus is elsewhere but, since this is a family blog, …etc. etc..

  32. 32
    You couldn't make it up says:

    A good point. But those books have stood the test of time for a reason. Adding Meera Syal is just a desperate act of political correctness. Her writing has no literary value whatsoever. It’s nothing to do with her race, as I’m sure many of her supporters would allege. A Suitable Boy by Vikram Seth has literary value. A book by someone who’s made her career doing an indian accent every time she wants a cheap laugh doesn’t.

  33. 33
    Escape to victory says:

    Just got my Kiwi Passport today – being a refugee from the Brown and EU terror. Get out while you can!

  34. 34

    Vince Cable calls for end to Lib Dem funding?

    Oh shit! My eyesight. On closer examination it says feuding.

  35. 35
    Mycroft says:

    That was in the time when I wrote the occasional piece for them, those days are long past.

    It has lost too many teeth… sadly they were the Incisors that fell out and it doesn’t chew anything meaty now.

    Wolves with no bite are really just sheep with attitude when all is accounted for.

    New here… so will reserve judgement as to whether this place has Incisors to match the strap line above.

  36. 36
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    I think this post is just a dig at Hislop; a Sky stooge winding up a BBC stooge a cynic might think.

    PE is worth buying for the City Slicker column alone but you’re right about the other items. There’s as much filth in local government than in Westminster and no other national publication covers it.

  37. 37
    Democracy at work says:

    Judging by comments made by locals, understandably, they aint too pleased !
    If they vote Labour,they get Conservative/If they vote Conservative they get Labour
    Vote UKIP get UKIP

  38. 38
    Ex PE subscriber, now an occassional browser of the PE jokes when in Sainsburys says:

    Agreed, PE is nowhere near a vital read as it used to be.

  39. 39
    Gheedough says:

    “culturally, about 50 years behind”

    Yes. When-oh-when will Private eye get hip to the funky jive of Twitter and Facebook

  40. 40
    Obi-Wan Grillo says:

    Strasbourg spaceport: You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

  41. 41
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    Think you’ll find NZ is run by the Union Terror and is crawling with leftards. Good luck.

  42. 42

    Two names – two syllables

    Lib Dem
    Nick Clegg
    Steve Webb
    Vince Twat

  43. 43
    Anonymous says:

    The wider the story is spread, the more people will read of it.
    That is the greater good, so long as both sources are getting enough income.

  44. 44
    Mycroft says:

    I hope there are no ‘Golden Unicorns’ on this site, Murdoch is a target as much as anyone else in my view.

    Wrong is wrong, venal remains venal, no matter who you are.

  45. 45
    The Human Centipede that crawls around Westminster says:

    The shit just goes around and around and around occasionally making an appearance on the news before being gobbled up again by the beast forgetting it was them who shit it out in the first place.

  46. 46
    Pakistani dad says:

    Sticks and stones,
    may break her bones.

    Good..she deserved it.

  47. 47
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Didn’t Vince cable start the feuding?

    Lib Dems living up to their WW2 Italian army image. Starting wars and then immediately surrendering.

  48. 48
    You couldn't make it up says:

    Oi! Identity theft…

    Don’t worry I will get a new Monika, didn’t like this one anyway!

  49. 49
    Iainne_Has_a_Lop_of_Spellings says:

    Do I really tap my pencil repeatedly on TV?
    I certainly do not pull an indignant, fixed, stoney face when I tap my pencil repeatedly.

  50. 50
    Reader says:

    Given the regularity with which Guido plays catch-up and regurgitates other peoples’ stuff, or to put it more kindly tweaks stories which were out on the net the day before, I find his attitude a tad silly.

  51. 51
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    Be honest the only publication I’m not ashamed of being seen reading on the tube these days is ‘Hustler’

  52. 52
    Reader says:

    Not according to the Guidoids: they claim that no-one tells them what to put in their Sun column.

  53. 53
    Lukewarm says:

    So a website is quicker at publishing news than a fornightly newspaper…?
    Wow, who’d have guessed!

  54. 54
    Christonabikechurch says:

    Looks like he didn’t get the meemo

  55. 55
    Not_Ian says:

    Is the answer a Walrus in a Bath Chair?

  56. 56
    aintchoo got no gnomes to go to? says:

    it’s not the medium, it’s the content

  57. 57
    A Timely Response by the Tit in No. 10 says:

    I will make it my No. 1 Priority to correct all these matters!

    Just TRUST me! – I give you my word – and you know me well enough by now!

  58. 58
    The Peoples' Army says:

    Looks like the people are going to have to take their democracy back into their own hands.

  59. 59
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Guido, you don’t happen to have a picture of Andrew Neil in a vest, do you?

  60. 60
    And... says:

    Oake Sh1t

  61. 61

    I went back to have another look. It actually said fudging.

    That may answer all our questions from tanks with five reverse gears to polls which don’t mention UKIP and do all at the same time.

  62. 62
    Mycroft says:

    My advice to the ‘Lead Voices’ on this or any site is to be very careful someone doesn’t slyly slip a knife into your hand whilst you’re slapping yourself on the back…

  63. 63
    Paul Wright says:

    Yes -but surely such appalling behaviour by Bercow needed to reach a much, much wider audience….

  64. 64
    Lukewarm says:

    Crunt flaps

  65. 65
    Below the Belt says:

    At least PE did not try to dish bogus dirt on UKIP in the run-up into the the elections…

  66. 66
    what a gay dave says:

    If you voted ukip in the euro elections and return to labcon next year then they were right in thinking your protest would just melt away.

    They were right in ignoring you

    Are you going to let them treat you like a lapdog?

  67. 67
    T w @ t t er says:

  68. 68
    my other aperture is 4 and half says:

    cum to dadday . 7th. 14th hell.

    broken says, moulin rouge. crashed says glass. my aperture has a pound of flesh.

    my number is J R .

    you too.
    let me fuck and objectify.

  69. 69
    Ian Hisflop says:

  70. 70
    Hadley "Screaming Banshee" Freemann says:


  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    No shit Sherlock – there’s room for Guido and the “Eye” in this world. The latter tends to have much more detailed expose’s in the Local Government and Media world as well as much more besides.

    Guido, I don’t come into this site to see puffs against a perfectly good publication.

  72. 72
    Mycroft says:

    Did that happen here?

    New to the site/blog so unaware if true.

  73. 73
    Richard Scudamore says:

    it’s time to stamp out sexism in football.

  74. 74
    Hislop.I.An says:

    I am funny, I look in the mirror every morning and there I am, the smart arse funny guy! Even funnier, I represent the moment when the BBC did satire for satire’s sake, now I just fill the slot for it and they pay me! Yes me! the lovable cheeky funny guy!

  75. 75
    Slitty Eyes says:

  76. 76
    oh u r so warm. o says:

    when the storm comes.

  77. 77
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Italian war dead in WW2 were similar in number to ours.

  78. 78
    I bid you well says:

    NZ is roughly the same size or bigger than England and has less people living there than in London.
    Plenty of room to escape from leftards.
    Good luck and say hi to my mate Dave who moved there 20 years ago the lucky bastard.

  79. 79
    Ockham's Razor says:

    First Minister Peter Robinson told the Irish News on Wednesday he would not trust Muslims involved in violence or devotees of Sharia law. But he said he would “trust them to go to the shops” for him.

    After the predictably ensuing brouhaha, he would not trust them to go down the shops for him any more…

  80. 80
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    I thought it said …end to LibDem fudgepacking … and I also thought good luck with that one.

  81. 81
    What's that about who laughs last... says:

  82. 82
    Bosun Higgs says:

    A few? You’ve mean binding on about Rupert Murdoch since the 1970s, and a fat lot of harm it’s done him.

  83. 83
    Ed Miliband says:

    I’ll have a bacon sarnie please. Easy on the bread, butter and bacon.

  84. 84
    My Back Pages says:

    All a matter of record and obtainable from the main page.

  85. 85
    dr cool cartlidge says============bansheeeeeeeeeeeeeee. says:

    says says says u may.
    when the turkey swings past test the haemoglobin. i will be home later missus

  86. 86
    Friday Cap Comp says:

    Not knocking PE but I’ve seen better captions on here I must say

  87. 87
    Angus_Deeton says:

    Can I have my old job back yet?

  88. 88
    Ma­­qb­oul says:

    There’s no such thing as bad publicity. Wonder if this will bang up PE’s sales this fortnight?

  89. 89
    the braintree ripper says:

    High time that cuckolded dwarf was kicked out of parliament to pursue “outside interests”
    In his case that would involve organising swingers parties and watching his wife take multiple cocks in a public place, she may as well charge for what she currently gives away

  90. 90
    Unholy alliances says:

  91. 91
    Peter Robinson says:

    OK Mo, just nip down to the off licence, will you? And you can call in at the butcher’s on the way back for a nice gammon joint…..

  92. 92
    Bonar Law says:

    Defence Select Committee CHAIRMANSHIP job, not “chair job”. Cut out the politically correct language, Guido!

  93. 93
    o bugge in my soil how did u healeaflee says:

    i am aheadthat.

    so how much?

  94. 94
    Thank goodness sally wasn't on the tube says:

    Interesting study for the feministas here:

  95. 95
    from now on says:

    we are soiled.

  96. 96
    Why do you all hate socialists? says:

  97. 97
    Ockham's Razor says:

    That would merit a visit from the Old Bill. And I don’t mean Quango! ;-)

  98. 98
    death on my hand says:

    i just crmpled old n

  99. 99
    Vince Cable says:

    Bring back the rope………………………

  100. 100
    seanair says:

    I used to read the Eye but now it is suffering from spectacular degeneration.

  101. 101
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Not quite. The lefty fuktards in NZ are nowhere near as fuktarded as our lefties.

    For example, there is no argument over the value of cultural enrichment from overseas!

  102. 102
    The Human Centipede that crawls around Westminster says:

    The symbiotic relationship between the political and media animals which make up the human centipede.
    Harvesting and feeding shit to one another both getting high on the farts and losing touch with reality.

  103. 103
    bhVIM sour the streets says:

    vimla is my wife.i am a political hogwiffery.

  104. 104
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    On Sunday morning I will go out and buy Private Eye instead of the Sun.

  105. 105
    the braintree ripper says:…/9590431.Braintree__Alleyway_close...
    14 Mar 2012 – POLICE have cordoned off an alleyway in Braintree following an incident where a middle aged man in a pig mask was caught masturbating over the corpse of a dead child
    Rob Ambridge (51) of Braintree said
    “I dont understand what all the fuss is about, what is ths country coming to when a man cannot desecrate graves and molest dead children?”

    “When this is all over I intend to emigrate to Liverpool where such practices are considered to be normal”

  106. 106
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    Rich and Mark are much better than anything Private Eye has to offer.

  107. 107
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Most nations that were invaded had higher war dead than us.
    Especially ones that fought on both sides and then were invaded by both sides and had partisan bands roaming the countryside once state control broke down.

    And the fighting on the mainland continued until the last day of the war.

  108. 108
    cosa nostra says:

    Er. Perhaps we ought to warn you. Guido writes for the Sun…

  109. 109
    Bob the Builder says:

    Not to mention excellent exposure of the appalling way whistleblowers are treated in the NHS. State sponsored criminal activity and it goes all the way to the top.

    Just the sort of thing a small state promoting libertarian organ should be covering.

    Just sayin’.

  110. 110
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    You really do live life on the edge.

  111. 111
    Europhiles are all rich if you hadn't noticed says:

    I hate socialists because they’re only prepared to put other peoples money where their mouth is.

  112. 112
    Bring back the rope says:

    London hate preacher’s ‘disgusting’ sermon praising Boko Haram’s kidnap of schoolgirls

  113. 113
    Socialism Ate My Future says:

    Sadly it’s going to get worse in Ukraine:

    Another mess the EU / NATO / US has created, rightly or wrongly god rest their souls.

  114. 114
    the braintree ripper says:

    They even hate themselves
    Note how they are a vile collective of jocks, lesbians and thuggish

  115. 115
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The Miliband one is quite good.

  116. 116
    Just desserts says:

    It’s enjoyable seeing a bully get what he deserves!

  117. 117
    Bill Quango MP says:


  118. 118
    Abu Jihady says:

    Tower Hamlets: A lesson in Democracy. Published by the Religion Of Peace (buy it or else.)

  119. 119
    the braintree ripper says:

    Thats how we should treat them when they try and sneak into this country

  120. 120
    Dave Stringer says:

    Why not do a full issue on Tower Hamlets I am sure there is enough slimy things under stones to fill it to capacity, but be careful you might offend someone or thing and be subject to retribution.

  121. 121
    Bathtub_Paul says:

    If Merton is in London why do they over-dub my voice with that of a Scouser?

  122. 122
    Carlo Gambino says:

    ‘Guido, I don’t come into this site to see puffs against a perfectly good publication.’


    Private Eye is sh*te – deal with it.

  123. 123
    Carlo Gambino says:

    Oh Tower Hamlets was a muzzie thing was it.

    Funny, the BBC never mentioned it.

  124. 124
    Mycroft says:

    I used to work for the gov’ment, didn’t stop me regularly firing heavy artillery at them when justified.

    Has anyone simply asked the question:- “Are you a Real Voice or just a Ventriloquists Dummy?”

    It would be a bit rich to pretend to be sharp and edgy and in reality a cowering paid advocate.

    I was told this place was the former, I’d be a bit disappointed to find another internet masque.

  125. 125
    25th May 2014 says:

    “Only managed to beat Nick Clegg,…eh?….ha…ha….ha…ha….ha!!!

  126. 126
    Easy says:

    Oh and a pint of erm latte.

  127. 127
    Did you feel that? says:


  128. 128
    henrywood says:

    “Private Eye” *used* to be a perfectly good publication.

    Since its editor is now a frequent recipient of the BBC’s thirty pieces of silver, it has gone down the tubes. You seem to be a frequent reader of that publication – have you not noticed the almost total absence of *any* criticism of the BBC these past few years?
    Haven’t you noticed the almost complete silence on the global warming scams?
    Hislop is now a fully paid up member of the Establishment.
    Hence my recent cancellation of a subscription going back over 50 years.

  129. 129
    ancientpopeye says:

    I also notice how Hislop is UKIP bashing every chance he gets in his program.

  130. 130
    legal alien says:

    Sorry Guido, but try useing your time and effort for something other than a puff piece on how the internet is quicker than a fortnightly publication. It’s almost as if your worried about the compettion. Most unbecoming.

    dont see why you are trying to compare yourself with them anyway. For what it worth if I could only read here of PE it would be PE every time, but then you get what you pay for.

  131. 131
    The Growler says:

    Geedes that is the problem with publishing fortnightly + give a couple of days for printing and distribution, it may suprise you Fawkesy but there are still quite a few people that don’t go on the internet or even have computers.

  132. 132
    Vince Semaphore says:

    Message reads :

    Sphincter plugged.
    LibDems no longer caught Short.

  133. 133
    Norma Stitz says:

    Florence of Belgravia, surely?

  134. 134
    Norma Stitz says:

    I agree with the comments above. There is room for PE and order-order, and PE is a good read, even is Hislop is becoming an extablishment hack on HIGNFY. No need to crow.

  135. 135
    Robin J Smith says:

    Unfair criticism. ‘Private Eye’ is a fortnightly publication.

  136. 136
    Hugh Janus says:

    “Guido, I don’t come into this site to see puffs against a perfectly good publication.”

    Well said.

  137. 137
    Ernest says:

    Yes, and I can remember when the boot was on the other foot.

  138. 138
    John Tandy says:

    Despicable man….

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