May 29th, 2014

May Refuses to Be Drawn on Tory Newark Chances

Guido has paid a visit to Newark today to see how the Tory-UKIP bunfight is progressing. The Tory machine is out in force, blue rosetted door knockers are everywhere while the Ukippers dwindle around the town centre as only they do best. Theresa May was expertly dull in her Q&A with the travelling press pack, which is perhaps fitting giving how dull the posh boy Tory candidate Robert Jenrick is. May refused to be drawn when Guido asked her about the consequences of defeat:

They may be coy publicly, but in private the Tories are confident their campaign juggernaut cannot be stopped and their vote will hold up. Though the wandering pack of ginger Scottish Ukippers are taking the market square by force.



  1. 1
    Roger Helmer says:

    What’s the afternoon outrage session about today?

  2. 2
    excon says:

    The conservatives make a point about Helmer’s lack of links to the area when Jenrick has none either

  3. 3
    Fishy says:

    It’s official. It’s your patriotic obligation to get ‘em off. Come on everyone, shag for Britain.

  4. 4
    Wet blanket gets into a huff and flounces off says:

  5. 5
    Bunny Carruthers says:

    Is there any possibility the Hag known as theresa may could be subjected to some ‘maxwellisation’?

  6. 6
    Floating voter says:

    Joey Barton: ‘It’s good to be underestimated’

    “Which topics is he preparing for? “I’m sure Ukip will be on the agenda because of the progress they have made. For me, I can understand why people would like Nigel Farage. He’s a man who talks common sense around important issues for the British people, like immigration. I didn’t like the way the mainstream media turned round and said, ‘everyone who votes for Ukip is a racist’. That was very unfair.”

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    It’s wonderful that the Tories have a strategy for their own party interests.

    It’s a pity they don’t seem to have one for ensuring the UK’s interests in Europe are at the forefront.

    Vote Ukip in Newark. Put England’s interests first. Vote Ukip.

  8. 8
    Newark resident says:

    A fantastic opportunity to punch a traitor in the face.

  9. 9
    David Cummerbund says:

    Its raining men

  10. 10
    Ed Moribund says:

    Well you can’t punch a traitor in the face because my dad is already dead.

  11. 11
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Who gives a shit?.

  12. 12
    Nermal says:

    Doesn’t take Guido long to get in a childish dig at UKIP.

  13. 13
    Nermal says:

    Most of that comes from MP’s.

  14. 14
    Onward UKIP Soldiers says:

    He’s a bit sad isn’t he.

    Fuck the rest,
    UKIP is best.

  15. 15
    A Newark Ice Cream Vendor says:

    It’s been a tough day. Apart from the weather, when I asked a UKIPper “whether he wanted nuts with that” he was, well, we don’t normally hear that kind of talk even from the older kids. Then I asked a LibDem whether he liked plain vanilla, and I thought he’d laugh his head off. He had tutti-frutti in the end. The Labour woman wanted to pay with somebody’s else’s money and, as for the Tories, when they ask me to provide an invoice for £150 of ‘stationery supplies’…….

  16. 16
    Mycroft says:

    It’s a dark day when ‘Conservatives’ look like ‘Man at Milletts’ adverts… what a pair of horrors!

    Never a fan of the ‘Twin-set and Pearls’ but at least Margaret looked like a middle-class harpy the future leader of the Conservative party is letting the side down badly.

    Hectoring, harpy old biffers are obliged to wear identifying outer clothing to aid us all know what they are!

  17. 17
    Gay Dave's strategy says:

    The only strategy they have is to stay in power,

    And that didn’t seem to work as expected.

  18. 18
    Keith Vaz says:

    Theresa’s looking very thin these days.

    I fear for her well being!

  19. 19
    Anonymous says:

    Where did Jenrick leave his parachute?

  20. 20
    Bosun Higgs says:

    That’s the ‘Broken Window’ fallacy:

  21. 21
    Cons in the dumps says:

    Sure they’re not a Big Issue duo ?

  22. 22
    Dianne Abbott says:

    She’s diabetic, she doesn’t get to eat any of the good stuff.

  23. 23
    Dumb Nation Labour Party says:

    Ginger Scottish? Fuck off!

  24. 24
    Bill Quango MP says:

    What did the green want? Or did they avoid your global warming causing death wagon?

  25. 25
    Mycroft says:

    Good point, well made.

  26. 26
    Diane Fatbott says:

    May? I’m twice the woman she is.

  27. 27
    the braintree ripper says:

    She missed out on those rice an peas

  28. 28
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Shit I thought it was a Newark Vampire

  29. 29
    Newark resident says:

    He was cloned in Oxbridge.

  30. 30
    The Critic says:

    At least the c’unts have got off their backsides and knocked on doors. Where I live is a Labour target seat. They must be confident as no-one has ever knocked the door in 35 years. At least the council candidates managed to put a leaflet through the door this year. Not willing to talk though.

    Hardly engaging with the people is it?

  31. 31
    tigerowl says:

    Oh dear…..’Nigel Farage. He’s a man who talks common sense around important issues for the British people..’ NO he doesn’t. He talks the talk of a pub discussion after ten pints. Full of generalisations and little facts that are true. Some believe the moon is made of green cheese cos someone said it was. The BNP convinced some people four years ago to vote for them because they spoke common sense for the British people. If you hate foreigners you will vote for anyone who says they too hate foreigners. Will not change level of immigration but it makes you feel good hearing such words. Oh how some are easily fooled. Lot of disappointment coming to many who voted UKIP when they find out that they are really Tories in another name.

  32. 32
    Foot in mouth disease says:

  33. 33
    Victor says:

    I have wiped shit on my fingers and am looking forward shaking hands with a government minister.

  34. 34
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    Indeed – better a Scots ginger UKIPer than an Indo-Bog-trotting whinger any day!

  35. 35
    A Kipper. says:

    Helmer, if he wins for UKIP will exchange a decently paid four year term as an MEP for a less than twelve month term, as a UK MP.
    No one can say he is carpetbagging!

  36. 36
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    how charming and literate – typical of a Morris-dancing southern pansy.

  37. 37
    The Growler says:

    WOW Fawkesy you actually went to foreign parts, out of the comfort zone of London, I must say the square/street seems absolutely packed with interested onlookers, I bet they say to themselves, it’s the only time they try to make themselves known.

  38. 38
    Lord Wellard of No Apologies says:

    It is, iirc, possible to hold seats in both parliaments.

  39. 39
    The Growler says:

    I don’t know but daddy was a “small businessman” maybe not Eton, but that means what you mean by small

  40. 40
    The Growler says:

    Be afraid, very afraid

  41. 41
    deidrev says:

    Roger is the MEP covering the area and knows a damned sight more than the parachuted in Con candidate.

  42. 42
    Scottish Voter says:

    England’s interest? What about us better together Scots?

  43. 43
    The Growler says:

    Geedes has to do what the Master says, the Master wants results for the money he is paying Geedes

  44. 44
    The Growler says:

    Ian Paisley did.

  45. 45

    it would be political suicide

  46. 46
    peterthepainter says:

    Climate change caused the ice cream to melt and raise sea level by 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001mm

    This will result in us all drowning.

  47. 47
    peterthepainter says:

    What happened to the rest of my 0s?

  48. 48
    Ned Balls says:

    this is blackout text.
    more blackout text.

  49. 49

    I must say teresa May or May-not ( stand for Leader ) is looking svelte after her diet .

    Shoes let her down though . From the poor womans Imelda Marcis I expected at least a mid market crocodile skinned Jimmy Choo.

  50. 50

    I say Guido that was good going !

    London Heathrow -Newark JFK and back in one day ?!

    They must have put Concorde back in harness.

    Did you see DAVID Milliband doing any local “stumping ” perchance ?

  51. 51

    Probably y stuffed down his shell suit . Either that or he s borderline
    obese .

  52. 52
    Rent-a-buoy says:

    ….and the BBC

  53. 53

    “The contribution of prostitution to GDP was calculated using a number of estimates, including the clients per prostitute per week based on Dutch practise, the average price per visit and the cost of room rental and clothing.”

    As long as it wasn t based on a Dutch “cap” ( or worse still a Dutch auction )

    Any way this is old news now

    The eyeties confirmed last week they have officially legislated to put prostitution,, drugs , white slavery , mafia related corporate activities et al on their gdp calculatiiobs from mid this year .

    It is expected that overnight the national debt will dissappear and GDP will overtake Germany s .

  54. 54

    What a prime example of an up his own arse leftie primadonna.

    I thought the interviewer was politeness and erudition itself .

    Wonder how long he would have lasted with Paxo or Humphries ?

    And BTW he should define ” poverty ” . Male Earrings , a smartphone an ipad and a widescreen mostly if not all on bennies — that s the minimum benchmark today is it ?

    Try telling that to the Jarrow marchers ?

  55. 55

    Yeah and don t forget folks , we in Newark USA Are rootin ‘ tootin ‘ for ya too coz whike you re votin ‘ for ukip we ll be votin ‘ for our Tea Party which is kinda like ukip but not really . Have a nice day !!!

  56. 56
    Cicero says:

    While UKIP ‘dwindle’ around the town centre?

    ‘Dawdle’, surely?!

  57. 57

    If ukip by some idescribable feat of human endeavour manage to overturn a 16 ,000 plus majority in Newark .
    the Conservative party s men in dark glasses should do the decent thing and in the quiet of the night hand dave a whiskey bottle and a Walter PPK revolver — FULLY loaded in case he misses the first few times .

  58. 58
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Save the economy! Smack up a prostitute!

  59. 59

    How s your arteries Diane ?

    I take it you re a regular at Bupa.

    As we know Carribbean women will go to the wall so they don t have to stand on their two feet too long .

  60. 60

    yeah but that s only because some insist on being taken the full circumference of their waistlines last thing at night .

  61. 61

    yeah possibly but this helmer bloke does nt seem to have made a public utterance re newark yet . To coin Nigel s paraphrase ” Who is he ? ”

    Couldn t they have put up that Liverpudlan bloke who s on Any Questions sonetimes and is Deputy Ukipper ?

    At least he speaks !

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    It’s all sheep to me.

  63. 63
    Things can only get better. says:

    No the British Naughty Party were voted for in droves to spite Huntface McCrash who went woop nuurth with his besuited champagne Laborg mob to gurn with the proles, and then promptly insult them for being proles. That, and lots of them hate Labour.

    You are right to observe that most British people hate foreigners and are desperate for any party that can dodge the left-wing fascist regime’s brownshirts and media gestapo and lever their way into parliament to start undoing the liberal-socialist damage.

    You better hope that they do, lest in 20 years time the Prophet Enoch (PBUH) comes good, at the point where the aborigine plebs have so little to lose that they won’t care how many names you call them and you’ll have run out of threats to quell the mob with.

  64. 64
    Things can only get better. says:

    If he feels really strongly, he could dig him up – but I think Marx and Engels might be first in the queue.

  65. 65
    Things can only get bitter. says:

    Actually, I’ve decided that I h@te UK1P now… but nowhere near as much as the LibLabCon tur∂s.

    I can’t abide any organisation that starts b@nning people for their opinions.

    We so desperately need a Bri†ish ®epublican Party – with a leader who knows how to call a $pAde a $pAde.

  66. 66
    Things can only get bitter. says:

    what, donkey spunk?

  67. 67
    Things can only get bitter. says:

    you’re every woman

  68. 68
    Things can only get bitter. says:


  69. 69
    Things can only get bitter. says:

    and did anyone care whether Ian Paisley did anything in either parliament?

  70. 70
    Things can only get bitter. says:

    Freudian slop?

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    Newark Vote UKIP to cheer up the UK and drive the political classes mad.

  72. 72
    Arthur Scargill has left the Building says:

    It’s actually a walther PPK ..NOT a walter PPK..he was my Uncle…I do agree with your sentiments..and as bullets are now less than 20p each would be a really cheap way to rid us of the arse spider….

  73. 73
    Sid Vicious says:

    I’ve met the man in the street and he’s a f_cking c_unt!

  74. 74
    Apthorpe says:

    Very tempting!
    Be interesting to see how any of the candidates address the local rural practice of bussing in East Europeans to pick local crops. Many have proven to be illigals over the years in the ‘employment’ of gang masters. These chaps have pretty much killed the local seasonal workforce off so further worsening the local employment prospects of the locals with no/low skills. There is an endemic level of poverty (it spills over into the Mansfield area) that is now pretty much standard.
    Oh and if the candidates really want to get feel for the fun enrichment can bring I suggest they hang around tonight in Newark centre from 10.00pm till around 2.00am they will have a night to remember!

  75. 75
    Apthorpe says:

    Think you’ll find they are trying to blend in to the local surrondings. I suspect you’ve never been to Newark? It looks pleasant enough on the telly, but trust me it’s not. One little gem none of the visting media wagon will mention is the growth of the council incest crisis team that simply can’t cope with demand! Anyone who say’s it is linked to the influx immigrants from cultures where this sort of behaviour is more, how should we say acceptable, will of course be a racist.

Seen Elsewhere

The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
UKIP on 23% With Survation | Mirror
UKIP Could Deal With Dave | Douglas Carswell
Tories Would Lower Benefit Cap | Telegraph
Bashir Twitter Meltdown | Mirror
Bashir is a Wrong’un | Norman Tebbit
Natalie Bennett Says it Should Not be a Crime to Belong to ISIS | Indy
LibDems Fifth in London | Standard
45 Mirror Group Stories Linked to Phone-Hacking | Press Gazette
Dave’s Diet | Speccie
Pink’O’Flynn | HuffPo

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

George Galloway says of his former Respect candidate the UKIP MEP turned Tory, Amjad Bashir…

“Clearly Bashir does not have any real political principles or commitment, only naked opportunism and self-interest. He represents the revolving door principle in politics. The Tories are welcome to him because he will cause them embarrassment. Fortunately Respect was able to act before he did it to us.”

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