May 28th, 2014

Exclusive: Osborne Reveals UKIP Crisis Summit at Chequers

George Osborne has revealed that the Tories held a crisis summit at Chequers this morning on how to deal with the UKIP threat. Both government and party sources refuse to discuss attendees or indeed what was on the agenda. Leaving a breakfast event hosted at No.11 for alumni of Magdalen College, Oxford, the Chancellor explained his premature exit by telling attendees he was taking the unusual step of going to the PM’s official countryside residence in the middle of the week for the meeting. An important pit stop on the way to Newark…


  1. 1
    William Parker, 4th Baron Monteagle says:

    God these are awful people!

  2. 2
    First says:


  3. 3
    First says:


  4. 4
    bergen says:

    Oh dear. Touching cloth by the sound of it.

  5. 5

    Chequers, mate.

  6. 6
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    It’s a crisis when people vote for others, other than themselves.

  7. 7
    David Cameron says:

    We must destroy this pleb party and then get back to business opening the door to millions more Europeans.

  8. 8
    David Cameron says:

    I can’t understand why these plebs don’t understand my lies any more.

  9. 9
    Mornington Crescent says:

    If all else fails, they could even try talking with us, the great unwashed and then offer policies that the vast majority of us want.

    Too late, though, George – even your cat’s fucked off.

  10. 10
    Cheqemated says:

    Let’s commission a poll in Newark from Lord Oakeshitt…let’s send Lord Patten to Brussels….Let’s send Lord Ashton to Belize…let’s send Lord Ashdown to Bosnia…let’s….let’s….let’s…..any ideas George??

  11. 11
    Son of Leon says:

    Was Nick Clegg there ?

  12. 12

    Saying that Britain is 33% racist is as ridiculous as saying that the BBC is 33% p3ados. Doh.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    I wonder if that Farage bloke was in attendance

  14. 14
    Big D says:

    Will they challenge Nigel to a dual on the lawn or pistols in the park ?
    Bet they have lowered the brandy decanters .

  15. 15
    The Silent Majority says:

    Why can’t these people just be honest and come up with real policies that promote the interests of the UK taxpayer? Far too many if them and of low quality. No statesmen left – Maggie was the last. They stiffed her and deserve all they get at the polls. Vote UKIP.

  16. 16
    Edna Silliband says:

    I don’t suppose at any point during this crisis meeting they actually thought about listening to the electorate and doing what they want. No, expect more “re-doubling our efforts” crap to be peddled whilst carrying on doing exactly the same

  17. 17
    i ateip bye. says:

    is there a graham by brifhton.senioeitas

    ledt leg can ap. give me call ojiwoji.

    my dining table is noq wall. my tennia lady is now a football, aa for my longe it is teip down fri.

  18. 18
    thostids says:

    Yes. He was in a small salver. The toast.

  19. 19
    A judge says:

    How about a judge-led enquiry?

  20. 20
    Nick Clegg says:

    Why haven’t I been invited? I’ve got form for getting the better of Nigel Farage. Remember those TV debates?

  21. 21
    Ukip Elvis party says:

    Must be the “The what the fcuk do we do Now !” get together

  22. 22
    Nigel Farage says:

    “George Osborne” I literally just spat on my keyboard I was laughing so hard. The Tories are still hilarious after all these years!

  23. 23
    gildedtumbril says:

    Yeah, when its probably 90%. Those that are not bent are not straight.
    Sod ‘em all! Oh, they might enjoy that.

  24. 24
    UKIP Voter says:

    Lord Heseltine in attendance or on the blower giving the younglings instructions on how to stripe up proper conservatives.
    He’s a past master

  25. 25
    Factchecker UK says:

    At the Euro elections, UKIP’s mighty ‘People’s Army’ managed the phenomenal exploit of mustering the support of 9.4% of the UK electorate.

    Yes, 9.4 per cent (that’s 27.5% of the 34.2% of the electorate who could be bothered to turn out).

    This is the scale of the political earthquake, the tidal wave of anger that has supposedly shaken British politics to its very foundations. Give me a break.

  26. 26
    gildedtumbril says:

    I urge all to beware the great brainwashed unwashed.

  27. 27
    gildedtumbril says:

    Let us send them all to hell.

  28. 28
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Layabouts & other Wasters says:

    Time to leave the disgusting and corrupt eu now.

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Is this not using government resources for party reasons or will will the pseudo tories be receiving a bill for the room hire.

  30. 30
    thostids says:

    The cat’s been dragged back and threatened that if it fucks off again it will be chained to the body of Nick Clegg and made to stand in Sheffield Hallam. The cat is really pissed off as it had in mind standing against The Speaker.

  31. 31

    Vote UKIP :-D

  32. 32
    Vote UKIP to get a marxist, EU fanatic rat in No 10 says:

    Good luck boys

    You’ve got a year to bang home the message that a vote for the UKIP expenses troughers is a vote to put a Marxist rat into No10

  33. 33
    The Lone Ranger says:

    Indeed. The LimpDums don’t get it, Cameron doesn’t get it, Labour has never got it, the BBC and MSM don’t get it, B£iar refuses to get it. Vote UKIP again and again and kick the bastards from here to hell.

  34. 34
    cat dead snail dead sheep deadwhat is alan's home address please says:

    i have some spare lime he way wish to aquire.

  35. 35
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Mighty oak trees grow from little acorns.

  36. 36
    gildedtumbril says:

    Nevertheless the portion of the electorate that could be bothered has indicated that the traitors have been rumbled. They need despatch.

  37. 37
    Bi sexual one legged dwarf with huge hole says:

    Labour have turned Britain on its head for smaller minorities than that.

  38. 38
    Sheldon Big Bang says:


  39. 39
    Factchecker UK says:

    What should they do now?

    Perhaps reflect on the fact that UKIP’s mighty ‘People’s Army’, a single-issue anti-EU pressure group campaigning in an EU election based on proportional representation, and receiving saturation media coverage for its campaign, was only able to muster the support of 9.4% of the UK electorate (that’s 27.5% of the 34.2% of the electorate who could be bothered to turn out).

    This, we are meant to believe, is the most extraordinary UK election result in over 100 years.

  40. 40
    Establishment guy alert says:


  41. 41
    Don't forget to turn the lights off!! says:

    Newsflash! Westminster runs out of bog roll! Reports are coming in from Westminster that washrooms are running dangerously low on toilet paper since last weeks elections. Sources confirm that a delivery is due imminently, MP’s are being urged to cross their legs until then.

  42. 42

    Vote UKIP :-)

  43. 43
    jonathan,srangeways prson new jersey. it is. puma! says:

    authors and poets are illusive, now let,s break their.

    anyone got wood intheir grahamgreenery.

  44. 44
    Nick Kane says:

    It was more than Labour or the Conservatives.

  45. 45
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    How about having some honest politicians, it’s boring having all these selfish corrupt politicians around, our pockets are empty, our temper is ready to snap.

  46. 46
    pathe news says:

    is theee a chicken, my liver. sLUUUUUUUUrp.

  47. 47
    NotOnly says:

    All other election winners have to be accepted on similar percentages.

  48. 48
    Observer says:

    It’s too late for Dave and Gideon

    They have proved that they are unable and unwilling to defend Britain’s vital interests

    Whether it be in Europe, over immigration, over the national debts, the criminal bankers or corruption in the Tory party itself and beyond

    They have failed and should be kicked out

  49. 49
    Oh no it's Ed Milliband says:

    None of the three party leaders would get the point of what the public want, even if they sat on the bastard.

  50. 50
    mid day breakin. the cunt that is osborne says:

    i am buidling self deivng cats.

  51. 51
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    Osborne is nothing but a piece of verminous lying Tory scum. He has made the abject poor, sick, disabled, dying and aged pay for the criminal actions of the equally verminous parasitic bankers who have brought the western world to its financial knees with the help of traitorous politicians and covered up by our treacherously dishonest mogul controlled media. They are all doing lasting damage to our country and its people and are proud of their betrayal.

  52. 52
    suissebob says:

    After all the bollocks about how nasty UKIP is Cameron and the Tories jump into bed with all the ‘far right’ parties in the EU that they have previously condemned.

    Utter, utter scum

  53. 53
    rollo57 says:

    But just imagine if only 35% of the population turn out to vote in the 2015 GE? Could this be what all the fuss is about?
    Where will the Tories turn then?

    The cat will definitely get it from the fox!

  54. 54
    ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

    When will George Osborne’s Tax arrangements go under the microscope. It seems that he complains about Offshore Tax arrangements but uses them via his Trust Fund to boost his income. Maria Miller claimed that Osborne’s flipping and expense claiming was more outrageous than hers were, and the fact that his Family Company Osborne and Little have been a successful Company for years while not paying any Tax suggest that an Independent Press would have plenty to examine forensically. Unfortunately Cameron’s father’s record which paid for the Eton Education seems to have been off limits for the Press and I fear Osborne will also be allowed to carry on as usual

  55. 55
    Arthur Penney says:

    And Labour got less than 1 in 11 of the uK electorate.

    Verb. sap. Don’t try and con bloggers of Guido – they went to school too, you know and can spot a fraud a million miles off (that’s 1.6 X 10^6 kilometers to you).

  56. 56
    in the meantime the firm of Brietling says:

    we have just been aquired by the dog,s condemned loylty.
    what does dogpooburger smell like?

  57. 57
    Winston says:

    Ignore the manipulated and spun press releases and the corresponding and predictable media outcry. Instead, look at the data on for the actual survey ( Firstly,the sample size is sometimes as low as 1000 people, which is far too small for a survey purporting to show the social attitudes of 62m people. Secondly, the data shows a fairly consistent attitude, with a steady (if minor) improvement. The press release is just cherry picking a range of years to fit the “racism going up” rhetoric.

    The most clear, yet wilfully ignored conclusion from the survey, is that 72% of people who believe they have no prejudices want immigration reduced.

    This quango is run by the Fabian and ex-BBC lefty, Penny Young. She has prepped the Guardian and the BBC to create a story and link it to UKIP.The academics/quangos and the media are lying. They think you are stupid.

  58. 58
    Send for Deputy PM says:

    Croquet anyone ?

  59. 59
    Arthur Penney says:

    And Ed is trying desperately hard to play the anti-immigration race card – against the wishes of his party.

    Great fun watching the Tories and Lefties running around even more witless than usual.

  60. 60
    thostids says:

    Clarke and Heseltine will have been in attendance. They were there to celebrate the stunning political victory that the LimpDumps had almost “won” and to back-up the Bravery and honour of Clegg. A well-known self-harder and suicide risk, stating that having been reduced to counting the bodies, he was going to stick to his pro-European position and get the rest of his troops shot next year will have got Gideon sniggering and placing bets with the Chequers’ staff that he’ll be gone in a week.
    And Gove goes on ticking off the days until Cameron’s nerve and sphincter give out.

  61. 61
    Mr Hancock says:

    I am thinking of switching parties. A brilliant chat up line to me; UKIP at my place tonite? Can’t fail-Slurp!

  62. 62
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    How do you count the one’s that couldn’t be ar$ed to vote, they had a chance they didn’t use it, they decided by themselves , you say 34.2% voted and 27.5% of those voted UKIP , it’s strange over most other voting occasions Liebour has used the similar counting %s as they have been given the golden 100% to allow them to walk all over the electorate, your hate is showing, what happened to play up and play the game, did you take your ball home.

  63. 63
    Back from secondment says:

    Please excuse my ignorance – just arrived back from a few months in darkest Africa – but when is the Newark election to be held?

    Thanks. Got a bit of catching up to do by the look of things.

  64. 64
    The Human Centipede that crawls around Westminster says:

    I hope the Human Centipede does keep sniffing its own farts.
    The longer they do it the bigger the backlash.
    Realistically not in 2015 but by 2020?
    The demand on the NHS for mouth from arse operations will be huge.

  65. 65
    Onward to Newark says:

    Bolinger Boys cooking up strategem to lure Garage into the Midsommer woods

  66. 66
    Eton Mess says:

    Actually Dave has said the EU needs to get a lot better and he is the man to do it.

  67. 67
    Factchecker UK says:

    You’re confusing Westminster with Caracas.

  68. 68
    New Labour Tony Blair New Labour Tony Blair New Labour Tony Blair says:

    Er hello that’s me you’re mostly talking about

  69. 69
    today news, yesterday. #ask farzanea (remove loyalty) says:

    be opportunistic in the puddle. today romanticism died, ask the bTHORN in the throat of Britain, when M goes HMV becomes heavy, heavy Metal, of the head of the melody maker. axe the wood, torch the wood. is Andrew Pierce a dead wood commentator. bang him and find oit.

  70. 70
    A question says:

    Are you the Silent Majority that didn’t bother voting in the EU elections at all? Or the Silent Majority who did vote but didn’t vote for UKIP?

  71. 71
    British politicians says:

    Listening to voters and doing what they want??

    Nah- it’ll never catch on.

  72. 72
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    Your repeating yourself, it doesn’t help you and your “facts”, your either getting into a huff or getting ready to throw your toys out of the pram, you would do better sitting in a corner and sulking, it’s getting closer to tea time maybe your mum has something nice.

  73. 73
    rick says:

    Aye. Stabbing Maggie in the back was the moment it became obvious the Conservative Party was no longer Conservative – just a bunch of corrupt liberals operating under a false flag. Since the days of Maggie there has been no party worth voting for……until now…..until UKIP :)

  74. 74
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Even Tower Hamlets has the internet, y’know.

    Thursday 5th June – a week tomorrow.

  75. 75
    Rickytshirt says:

    You keep telling yourself that. You’ve got to interpret events in whichever way makes gives you hope that your socialist dream is not dead.

  76. 76
    old holborn says:

    This august i will be holding a stroll through the village of soham and pissing on the graves of children
    please feel free to join me
    ,music will be provided by the lost prophets

  77. 77
    Winston says:

    Tony Blair won 355 seats in 2005 with just 21% of the electorate voting Labour.

  78. 78
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    If it happens it happens, 13years of Liebour and four years of this crowd has deadened peoples responses to LibLabCon tribalism, so your are stating only UKIP get money from the EU being MEPs, if so who pays for Liebour and Conservative MEPs..

  79. 79
    SackMariaMillerasanMP says:

    The sad thing is that they need a crisis summit to work out what most people get in a flash – namely that their policies on immigration, the EU, not punishing fat cats, the MOD, and not bringing down the cost of govt, etc, etc, are deeply unpopular.

    The labour party is utterly delusional and discredited, so the tories should be roaring ahead, but they are not – makes you wonder doesn’t it. And then along comes UKIP just to underline the point that if you piss on your natural supporters, they will eventually come to hate you.

    Clegg says that Dave wanted to enshrine in law that 0.7% of gdp should be poured into international aid (aka the relevant local Mercedes dealership, accounts at off-shore banks, and Mayfair estate agents).

  80. 80
    A serf says:

    Come, come now. This is no way to speak of your elders and betters.

    Do not forget gay marriage has been legalised and money committed to HS2.

  81. 81
    Rupert Pinchbottom says:

    The horse is dead and Cameron promises to get it to run better by flogging it from the inside.
    Whoo hoo
    Tory for me in 2015.

  82. 82
    Call me Dave. says:

    I say chaps just had a spiffing idea. If it’s warm enough we could all put on our swimming costumes and have a jolly good game of leap frog on the lawn.

  83. 83
    The Labour Party says:

    “Osborne is nothing but a piece of verminous lying Tory scum.”

    Labour have never lied about anything. Those WMDs are out there, and it was OK to kill 100,000 Iraqis in the search for them.

    “He has made the abject poor, sick, disabled, dying and aged pay for the criminal actions of the equally verminous parasitic bankers”

    Labour had nothing to do with this. Although the increased the gap between rich and poor, and knighted Fred Goodwin and sang his praises, and were responsible for regulating the banks, it was nothing to do with Labour.

    ” who have brought the western world to its financial knees with the help of traitorous politicians”

    Such as Gordon Brown and Ed Balls.

    “and covered up by our treacherously dishonest mogul controlled media.”

    Although Tony Blair is godfather to one of Rupert Murdoch’s kids, Labour had nothing to do with the media.

    ” They are all doing lasting damage to our country and its people and are proud of their betrayal.”

    We destroyed England by rubbing the Right’s nose in diversity, sent out search parties to find immigrants to come to Britain, and, yes, that does now make it hard for our core voters to find affordable homes and decent jobs (ruinin g the education system didn’t help much, either, TBH), but that’s all Thatcher’s fault.

  84. 84
    Big D says:

    It must have been like the Mad Hatters tea party .
    Why was’nt their mate Nick invited ?
    Whos for a bet that Call me Dave is about to gettison the coalition ?
    That’ll be the answer Dave old chap .

  85. 85
    Ed Milidowler says:

    Oi! Dancing on a dead child’s grave, that’s my job!

  86. 86
    eleanor rigby says:

    a cat got run over last week,the whole city is in mourning and the dss are andin out black armbands

  87. 87
    actually says:

    UKIP isn’t a single issue party.
    Our membership of the EU,which we’ve never voted for-
    has huge ramifications for many policy areas.
    Apart from the enormous costs and being
    ruled by unelected Commisioners,the EU now governs
    many aspects of everyday life.

    There were over a dozen parties standing in my EU
    constituency. If voters couldn’t find any that suited them
    or consciously objected, that’s their choice. It doesn’t
    undermine UKIP’s success.

  88. 88
    What to look forward to if Labour aren't elected in 2015 says:

    Children in working families, rather than beggars and vagrants, are the face of modern poverty in Britain today – a country which is one of the “most unfair in the developed world.” For five million children face being “sentenced to a lifetime of poverty” by 2020, according to shocking new research from Save The Children.

    Cuts to benefits, the rising cost of living and years of flat wages have created a “triple whammy” for the country’s children, warned the charity. Policies such as the so-called bedroom tax combined with the slashing of tax credits and council tax relief mean “the social safety net no longer acts as a sufficient backstop for poor families,” claims the Save The Children report. Recent changes to social security have cut the incomes of the poorest by between eight and nine per cent, it calculated.

    Soaring food prices and childcare costs have also hit families, with the cost of food rising by 19 per cent when compared with other goods between 2007 and 2011. A nursery place for a child under two cost 77 per cent more last year than it did a decade ago. And significant numbers of families across England are skipping meals in a bid to make ends meet. Every region of the country is affected, ranging from East Anglia, where more than one in ten [11 per cent] of families have gone without food, to London, where the proportion rises to more than one in four [28 per cent] of families. And in many areas, more than one in ten families cannot afford to buy their children new shoes when they need them.

    Ending child poverty by 2020 is a target that all political parties have committed to. But the numbers living in poverty could actually increase by 1.4 million by then – a rise of 41 per cent on the 3.5 million children currently living in poverty. And political promises to eradicate child poverty by 2020 are “no longer credible” says the report.

  89. 89
    Guest Pedant says:

    It’s rather obvious you are a cretinous troll and not OH, ‘cos you can’t write mate,

    and he most certainly can.

  90. 90
    long John Silver' s parrot says:

    I thought the idea of Chequers was to deal with matters of State not to be used as some sort of “away day” for the Conservative Party.

    We are living in austere times (remember over two million of us have no jobs and even more are on reduced hours or working below their qualifications).

    I would have thought a payment of say £25k for the day to the Treasury should square things up for the taxpayer.

    Every little helps.

  91. 91
    eleanor rigby says:

    youllllllllllllllllll never walk alone>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>on the streets of the pool late at night if you know whats good for you

  92. 92
    Reg 511 says:

    62m people?

  93. 93
    Tina Thatcher says:

    The poor are always with us.

  94. 94
    The Daily Express says:

    ROMANIA has gone on the offensive following Ukip’s victory in the recent European elections, telling Nigel Farage and his supporters that their country’s membership of the European Union is GOOD for Britain.

  95. 95
    The Silent Majority says:

    Voted UKIP and will do so again next year.

  96. 96
    Soshalism Kills says:

    Sounds good. Could be a cure for the obesity epidemic.

  97. 97
    Diana Abbott says:

    When? I still don’t know where Newarkshire is.

  98. 98
    rick says:


  99. 99
    Sauvignon_Blanc says:

    Only people who pass the open polling station on their way to buy booze and fags bother to vote then.
    Even so, you HAVE to extrapolate whatever correctly filled ballot papers that exist over the whole population. Mathematics dictates that a good partial sample correlates well to a whole population.
    The significant variation is more in the head of the loser.
    Best to avoid grapes with a sour taste.

  100. 100
    Dan Hodges says:

    You won, Nick Clegg won, so easily, it’s just the public don’t understand that they are all racists so Nick Clegg won.

    You’re racist.

  101. 101

    NB: Portsmouth UKIP back online by about 16:20 ish.

    Great people – post updated with explanation:

    Vote UKIP :-D

  102. 102
    JC to Martha says:

    The poor shall you always have with you.

  103. 103
    Neil 'Lewis' Hamilton says:

    From what I can make out, the article is about a Romanian newspaper spearheading a tourism/relocation drive after some allegedly inflammatory comments made by Nigel Farage about Romanians.

    The media just loves stirring up a bit of fatuous, safe chauvinism, especially when we have Arab Muslims taking over towns and pimping young girls and Blacks murdering all and sundry in our major cities.

  104. 104
    Anonymous says:

  105. 105
    Si Nick says:

    daves got his orders from Germany, simply passing them on

  106. 106
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Stop being a bunch of cunnts and find a leader with real convictions rather than an eye on their career.
    There, that should do it.

  107. 107
    old holborn says:

    Fuck off Hunt before I have a word with the Busies !
    I have them on speed dial

  108. 108
    Chuka Umunna and Margaret "Kerrching" Hodge says:

    People with offshore tax arrangements really are horrible.


  109. 109
    Neil 'Lewis' Hamilton says:

    UKIP will campaign with equal vigour in Cameron’s Whitney constituency. The General Election next year will be the most exciting in living memory.

  110. 110
    The Lib Dem's single MEP says:

    You really don’t understand do you.

  111. 111
    Gooey Blob says:

    If you live in a Labour heartlands seat that’s probably a good idea. If not, it is an exceptionally bad one.

  112. 112
    Rubber Johnny says:

    Condoms are cheap.

  113. 113
    Looney Left logic says:

    We’ll need to import even more Big Issue sellers from abroad otherwise the beggar class wont be diverse enough.

  114. 114
    Sing-along-a-Rolf says:

    I feel a song cummin on….

    Two little Boys, had two little

  115. 115
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Good point.

  116. 116
    The Lib Dem's single MEP says:

    So the EU needs to change following the result at the weekend?
    The reality is that the EU will now see how it can be seen to change whilst business carries on as usual.

  117. 117
    Pot calling kettle says:

    What I want to know is, how have the Romanians got the nerve to complain about perceived racism here in the UK towards them (as if ‘Romanian’ is somehow now a ‘race’), when they’ve been been behaving like a bunch of foaming Nazis towards the Roma for the last 300 years?

  118. 118
    Don't forget to turn the lights off!! says:

    Naa I’m pretty sure last time I checked the self serving politicians of this country still congregate at Westminster. So no confusion here ;)

  119. 119
    UKIP Hacking at the roots with the truth says:

    Where would labour be if there were no poor to sponge off of?

  120. 120
    Socialism Ate My Future says:

    Sensible comment, although the lefties will ignore it.

  121. 121
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

  122. 122
    UKIP Kiddie says:

    What sick tricks will the Tories inflict upon us now? We (UKIP) await the result at Newark with excitement. The Tories wait with trepidation. While their fatally wounded Deputy Prime Monster, Nerdy Nick avoids the bullet. Oh the tragedy! You know what they say: What goes around comes around. By the way, I am Welsh but I and others will be campaigning for Roger Helmer at Newark ~ sod the Lib/Lab/Con!

  123. 123
    Just wondering says:

    Where will all those Syr1ans they’ve just kicked out of that camp in Calais end up, and will they enrich us?

  124. 124
    you Can't have your cake and eat it says:

    So the good for Britain good for the economy good for everybody bollocks we’ve been fed about immigration must be shite if you go by those figures.

  125. 125
    Gooey Blob says:

    It won’t be next year. Still, if Farage can ruthlessly target a few seats he may stand a chance of getting an MP or two somewhere. Best chance may be in Labour heartlands seats; Labour are hugely indebted and won’t have the resources to pump in to defend these AND target marginals. The Tories will have more money available to do both.

  126. 126
    Anonymous says:

    Ukip is just another acorn.

  127. 127
    Gary Elsby Stoke says:

    Labour also held a piss take meeting:

  128. 128
    Joe Public. says:

    Wish Guido would get to the real news that Lord Oakshotte and Vince Cable are in the sniperscope. Tallyho.

  129. 129
    Albert's chainsaw sharpeners says:

    No, the EU will change the result.

  130. 130
    Ed Miliband The Second says:

    All Tories should NOT ignore these remarkable results. The Tories must be seen to be aggressive in Europe. More muscles in Brussels!

  131. 131
    David Cameron says:

    Update from Chequers Plebs…Didn’t decide much but we did agree to raise taxes on the Middle Classes again. Toodlepip…

  132. 132
    Ed Miliband The Second. says:

    I am not listening. Tralatralala!

  133. 133
    tigerowl says:

    cobblers. Why?
    Speaks for itself.
    Local elections 2014.
    North West
    Out of the 243 council seats up for grabs in Manchester, Liverpool and Preston, UKIP won Zero.
    North East
    Out of the 219 council seats up for grabs in Newcastle, Sunderland and Gateshead, UKIP won zero.
    Out of the 224 council seats up for grabs in Birmingham, Coventry and Wolverhampton, UKIP won one single seat.
    Out of the 242 sets up for grabs in Leeds, Sheffield and Hull, UKIP won just four seats (three of them in Sheffield).
    Don’t panic Mr Cameron. UKIP talk the talk but can never deliver Tory policies. After all. UKIP are the children of Thatcher. That is why the figures above show they do crap in Labour heartlands.
    We see Farage as what he is A TORY BOY.

  134. 134
    thostids says:

    As you are now alone, could I recommend you to that celebrated tome “The Bert Weedon Play with yourself in a day”.

  135. 135
    tigerowl says:

    And there is more.
    Labour did not do badly, they made net gains of over 330 council seats.
    Labour won over half of all councils seats up for election.
    They made a net gain of five councils, and Labour party gains also resulted in the Tories losing several councils to No Overall Control.
    UKIP gained control of precisely zero councils.
    Labour +6 councils + 338 seats
    Conservatives -11 councils -230 seats
    Liberal Democrats -2 councils -310 seats
    UKIP + 0 councils + 161 seats

    Not so much a UKIP earthquake more a little tremor.
    Easy for anti parties to win. Lib Dems did for years. But what have the Lib Dems changed? Same as UKIP. Now that UKIP are part of the establishment, we need to know what is the difference between them and the real Tories.

  136. 136
    Dave says:

    I’m increasing the foreign aid budget.

  137. 137
    Abbot&Costello says:

    PM, we need more hardworking immigrants.

  138. 138
    Anonymous says:

    Any Conservative Clubs been rebranded as UKIP Clubs yet?

  139. 139
    Lib,Lab,Con and the MSM says:

    We are afraid to say it, but we’re beginning to think we may have lost control of the voting public.

  140. 140
    Oxbridge Buffoon-Generally being 'not very cliquey' and doing stuff...Innit... says:

    Boy what a glorious morning of banter and grab-ass it was with the boy’s! I nearly got out my old school tuck box and showed them my conkers!

  141. 141
    thostids says:

    They’re a bit tied up at the moment sorting out the mess that Rupert Jackson caused by imposing summary execution into routine case management. Now, of course, if you’d go for mediation, your problem would be sorted out by next year before you could say General Election or “Where’s my fucking majority gone”.
    Let’s be fair. This period has been very “trying” for The Coalition. Not allowed to do anything, just keep lying about green shoots and pray, in between chillaxing and playing on Gameboys. Come this time next year, they can all go back to wrecking Restaurants and looking haughty. “Take that, you peasants”, even the Roma pickpockets can’t say that The Bullingdon Club doesn’t redistribute wealth.

  142. 142
    duty pedant says:


  143. 143
    duty pedant says:


  144. 144
    non taxable pikey says:

    Must explain the current “headless chicken” syndrome that appears to be attacking our illustrious politicians and those troughing it in Brussels.

  145. 145
    It was all a dream!!!! says:

    …Are you feeling better?

  146. 146
    Factchecker UK says:

    Or more specifically, the 15% of the UK electorate who could be bothered to turn out and vote against Lab, Con and Lib Dem

    15% = Non-LibLabCon vote share (43.8%) x percentage of the electorate who actually gave enough of a damn about the Euro elections to turn out (34.19%).

  147. 147
    The Silent Majority says:

    I do – but I’m not a tactical voter. Used to vote Tory but they have had no core to them for the past 25 years. Brainless morons here vote Labour and I don’t want to become a brainless moron voting Tory.

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    I hate Camron and Osborne with a passion, but then I hate their Labour and Lib Dem opposite numbers just as much.

    You on the other hand are just an establishment lackey – supporting any of the three parties still means that cap fits.

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    With that comment you’ve proven that you’re as incapable of getting it as Dave, Ed, Nick or any of their flunkies.

    The last 10 years have shown that all three parties fuck things up. Milliband in Number 10 will be no different Cameron, so we might as well vote for someone else. After all, Labour and the Tories are both splitting the UKIP vote.

  150. 150
    BBC Comrades unite says:

    And the answer was…..

    “Keep funding Nick Lowles and his band of merry Communists over at Hope Not Hate, to screech “waycist” twenty four hours a day..

  151. 151
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Why do you try to defend people who wouldn’t p!ss on you if you were on fire?

    Labour totally fcuked this country up thanks to fukwits like you voting for them.

    You really are as thick as p!g sh!te moussa.

  152. 152
    Jake the Peg, with his extra leg says:

    Floreat Magdalena!
    Why wasn’t I invited to brekkers at No 11?
    Oh yes, because I went to The Other Place.

  153. 153
    A Pedant says:

    Actually, you are absolutely correct except that a million miles is actually 1.6 x 10^7 kilometres not 10^6.

  154. 154
    Maimed Codger says:

    Nick, Nick you’re Clegg.

  155. 155
    Ziz says:

    Osborne, Cameron , Clegg and Miliband are all beneficiaries , directly or indirectly, of tax free offshore trusts.

    Time to shine a searchlight on this racket, Guido.

  156. 156
    Euro Trash says:

    If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em or at least match ‘em. Most Tories are Euro skeptic anyway!

  157. 157
    Ed Miliband The Second. says:

    We are making progress in our contempt for the electorate.

  158. 158
    Little Englander says:

    As a militant atheist i m now classed a racist, Suppose it’s better then getting burned at the stake.

  159. 159
    answer me this says:

    If the people are skipping meals, how come there’s an obesity problem?

  160. 160
    the truth hurts. says:

    Farage’s comments about Romania weren’t inflammatory.
    They were true.

  161. 161

    I would call it the UKIP escape not the UKIP threat. Mr Cameron. Try doing what the people want not what you want. Just who do you think you are.

  162. 162

    That anti UKIP stategy in full:

    1. Pander
    2. Pretend we agree with them and that they’re really quite normal once you get to know them
    3. Say something rude about foreigners
    4. Pretend we’re going to block Juncker
    5. Persuade Merkel to delay appointing him until after Newark.

  163. 163
    don't make me laugh says:

    It’s like the Qatari ‘Reflect Your Respect’ campaign calling for
    world cup visitors to help preserve their cultures and values.

  164. 164
    just asking says:

    Have the LimpDums been taking lessons from Miliband
    on how to stab people in the back?

  165. 165
    broderick crawford says:

    Osborne s expression — ruthless unadulterated evil .

  166. 166
    broderick crawford says:

    Yes — obviously the latter figure is a risible underestimate

  167. 167
    average joanna says:

    Chief Exec of Save the Children Jasmine Whitbread is paid
    a staggering £230,000.
    That would feed a few starving children.

  168. 168
    Not in my name says:

    Step 1. Grow a pair

    Steps 2. Won’t happen. See Step 1

  169. 169
    Anonymous says:

    You should also take into account that the survey itself is biased in that it is going along with the typical anti-white presumption that only white people are racist. If they were to get an honest answer from non whites about their feelings of white people I think the vast majority would critical, ie racist

  170. 170
    broderick crawford says:

    It s a suburb of New Jersey USA .

    We are re colonising the States bit by bit with hopefully a ukip mp being the trailblazer.

  171. 171
    pie and mash says:

    Harman has let herself go.

  172. 172
    you still here? says:


  173. 173
    jgm2 says:

    I shall be reflecting my respect by not going.

  174. 174
    broderick crawford says:

    they re spelt “bizzies”

    It was people like you that caused Brookside to be axed by refusing to watch –wasn t it ??

  175. 175
    they don't like it up 'em says:

    I’m also an atheist.
    And as I believe that Muslim women should have the right to
    work,vote,drive,associate with and marry who they want,keep
    their genitals intact,I’m also apparently a racist.

  176. 176
    broderick crawford says:

    Larry , Larreeee cone right up our alley
    We ll bribe you with Sheba for free !!

  177. 177
    the stupid people says:

    And, basically, we are

  178. 178
    Pedant of pedants says:

    Actually a million miles is 1.609344×10^6 km, to be precise, and yes the index is 6 (1 followed by 6 zeroes – check your maths textbook).

  179. 179
    broderick crawford says:

    What a bunch of top dollar wankers .

    Couldn t they just have all trooped in to Number 11 under cover if a scheduled meeting then opened the internal door to Number Ten and had the crisis meeting in secret .?

    No ! — they all swan off to Chequers in great Ministerial car publicity thus whetting the uberkeen antennae of the press pack who will now flood the front pages tomorrow .

    Words like “space ” , ” ears ” and ” between ” spring to mind .

  180. 180
    Forelocks are us says:

    You do wot you need to do sor. I’m sure it will be for the best.

  181. 181
    Spartacus says:

    next you will be telling us there is no such thing as global warming

  182. 182
    Spartacus says:

    I’m guessing this is a post ‘silent invasion’ student of the labour upbringing, or maybe a student of the koranne

    And you can be prosecuted for not using metric units, even if those who do have little idea of the real world of numbers.

  183. 183
    Spartacus says:

    next these morons will be telling me a billion is a thousand million . . . i scorn all you ill educated blairites

  184. 184
    Spartacus says:

    all we want is out of the common market – the rest does not count

  185. 185
    RichUpNorth says:

    I can’t help noticing when there are people on the telly moaning about how they haven’t got enough to go round … many of them can always afford booze and fags.
    Liebour don’t really want to end poverty. If there was none that would be one of their favourite hobby-horses less to bitch about.

  186. 186
    Spartacus says:

    (so fuck off)

    Dont feed the troll any more

  187. 187
    Spartacus says:

    dont feed the troll

    (and there a lot of trolls all of a sudden – maybe the unelected common market dictatorship has given more of our money to promote themselves and to rubbish everyone else?)

  188. 188
    Spartacus says:

    Troll alert – nothing to see here, move along

  189. 189
    chief mischief says:

    um big pow wow in quietest tent

  190. 190
    Anon & still Voting for UKIP ORG says:

    Was Chequers selected to enable “The Master”, at who’s feet all of the

    Cabinet worship , to slip in through the back door & then tell them

    what they have to do to deal effectively with Nigel ???????

  191. 191
    Ex Tory Voter says:

    I was an ex Tory during the last general election but voted tactically (negatively) to keep Labour out.

    I wish I hadn’t. It is an utterly frustrating to do.

    I advise anyone to vote for whom they believe in. Otherwise we end up with the ‘centrist’ one-party politics we’ve got.

    To have power one must be prepared to withdraw one’s support.

    And no. It won’t be much worse under Labour. Particularly when the Tory housing bubble goes *pop*.

  192. 192

    Camerons tories try to silence UK voters in EU parliament…

    Cameron’s Conservatives Flirt With EU hard-right to Block UKIP’s EU Funding

    Spread the word.

  193. 193
    Taxpayer funded astroturfing EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP for Freedom and Democracy! :)

  194. 194
    Taxpayer funded astroturfing EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP! :)

  195. 195
    Nigel says:

    That’s going to be my house one day. Where you see Fat Dave’s face is where I’ll be having my fags.

  196. 196
    Taxpayer funded astroturfing EU Troll says:

    And a dirty Misogynist.

  197. 197
    Taxpayer funded astroturfing EU Troll says:

    Or C U N T S !

  198. 198
    Cardinal Biggles says:

    Quite right Spartacus, one thousand million is one milliard.

  199. 199
    gildedtumbril says:

    I am not racist. I care deeply for all the aliens in Britain, as much as they care for me.

  200. 200
    Bullsh*tometer says:

    They’ll be plenty of talk of “CHANGE!”

    Then everything will stay the same, or get worse…

  201. 201

    “to slip in through the back door”

    There’ll be none of that malarkey under UKIP

  202. 202
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    That’s what YOU think! Vote UKIP!

  203. 203
    Telly tax? Wot's that? says:

    Is this Ed Milliard person also likely to be our next PM?

  204. 204
    Telly tax? Wot's that? says:

    .. and there will be simply pots and pots of it too when the rest of our armed forces are all disbanded.

  205. 205
    Back from secondment says:

    Now wtf did I not think of that? See? It’s what happens to one when one has to live on toasted cockroaches and mealie meal for 6 months. :-)

  206. 206
    Maggie May's launderer says:

    …”she’ll never walk down Lime Street any more..” etc?

  207. 207
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    I suppose that’s why the papers and blogs have been full of fuck all else for months AND why there’s this panic summit at Chequers? Cupid Stunt!

  208. 208
    Save the Chief Exec not the bloody kids says:

    oh fuckety fuckety fuck – not another fucking Jasmine?

    wtf do they all keep coming from?

  209. 209
    Save the Chief Exec not the bloody kids says:

    … and expensive iphones/tablets/smartphones or whatever they are called.

  210. 210
    Telly tax? Wot's that? says:

    Poofty Dale was praising them to the heavens on the papers review today. Five-bellies was looking slightly confused by it all.

    Isn’t Sky wonderful giving all these wastes of space airtime?

  211. 211
    Telly tax? Wot's that? says:

    Make sure you inform the natives to watch out for the voting slip trickery we witnessed last week; and any natives reading this, please inform your neighbours to pass the warning on.

  212. 212
    Telly tax? Wot's that? says:

    Good idea – except jellyfish are not really known for the muscular structures.

  213. 213
    Tory Thinktank says:

    Cameron: “Hmm so UKIP want to give us immigration controls the same as Australia and Canada – but what’s wrong with that?”

    Osborne: “We can’t do it – the EU won’t let us.”

    Cameron: “But we can let all EU people in, but still restrict immigration from outside the EU, can’t we?”

    Osborne: “Yes, but that is racist. You don’t want to be fascist, racist, xenophobe, do you?”

    Cameron: “Are you saying that the Australian and Canadian governments are racist? Shall I call their ambassadors now, to complain?”

    Osborne: “Ah, hang on a sec, don’t do anything … rash.”

  214. 214
    Tony B£air says:

    Evil smevil.
    If you want to talk about evil, ask me about Iraq, the corpses, the rendition and the torture. Or Afghanistan.

  215. 215
    Tony B£air says:

    A little walk in the woods can be most efficacious, as long as there are no witnesses.

    *innocent face*

  216. 216
    Benny Fitz-Klaymornt says:

    how much more bennies would i get, if i vote?

  217. 217
    Faux phobia-phobe says:

    “receiving saturation media coverage”

    Coverage consisting entirely of words ending in “-ist” or “-phobic”.

  218. 218
    The Peoples' Republic of WINNING says:

    UKIP won by a mile.

    Get over it.

  219. 219
    Supporter says:

    We already do have immigration controls the same as Australia and Canada.

  220. 220
    The Peoples' Republic of WINNING says:

    UKIP got 560,000 *more* votes than the Tories.

    Vote Tory, get Mili.

  221. 221
    The Peoples' Republic of WINNING says:

    Cameron is an out and out totalitarian dickhead.

    On the one hand, he uses tax-payers’ money to fund far left/islamic extremists of the UAF and HnH.

    On the other hand, he is chatting up far right weirdo euro fascists.

  222. 222
    Owne Jnoes says:

    Can’t afford children?

    Use a condom or take up Dave’s rear entry scheme.

  223. 223
    Anonymous says:

    “George Osborne has revealed that the Tories held a crisis summit at Chequers”
    To discuss rumours that Nigel had offered to redirect HS2’s route down the main corridor of the mansion, if brought to power at the next election. Though it was all probably a simple misunderstanding. Relating to his promise to ride them out of town on a rail.

  224. 224
    Oxford English Dictionary says:

    Update 49811

    Racist, n. and adj.

    Brit. /ˈreɪsɪst/ , U.S. /ˈreɪsᵻst/
    Etymology: < race n.6 + -ist suffix, perhaps after French raciste…
    A. n.

    "Someone who disagrees with me"

  225. 225
    medieval deth kult says:


    Next you’ll be telling us that muslim girls have the right to do to school without being shot in the head, or not wear a head scarf without having acid thrown in their face.

  226. 226
    Be free, be UKIP says:

    UKIP will neither promote nor prevent bum sex.

    It’s your life, just live it without forcing others to do as you do, and they’ll do the same.

    A UKIP vote is a happy vote.

  227. 227
    internetz says:


    good try Cameron, but your lies are no use here.

  228. 228
    Lobby Ludd says:

    Fuck off and check some farts, Fartchecker!

  229. 229
    Monstrous Crow says:

  230. 230
    Taxfodder says:

    Most amusing…you should not laugh

    By fair means or foul poor old Tory toffs getting their thinking heads on trying to work out how to con the electorate yet again.

    Meanwhile almost everybody else determined to see them booted out along with the EU evil empire.

    The Tories will need a very cunning plan indeed……

    I suppose they could always ring 118

  231. 231
  232. 232

    In the House of Commons this afternoon, Chancellor George Osborne confirmed that henceforth, paedophile prostitution will be included in the calculation of the UK’s gdp. All those citizens presenting receipts for the purchase of paedophile sex will in turn be due generous tax relief.

    “I’m sure you will join me,” said Mr Nobsore, “in giving a vote of thanks to London Mayor Boris Johnson for his steadfast defence of paedophile brothels in the face of media nosey-parkers with no concept of how important it is to show that Britain is open for business”.

    Later at Prime Minister’s Questions, backbench Conservative Ivan Istry-Ovasalt, the MP for Upper Chorister, addressed the PM thus:

    “Does my Right Honourable Friend the Prime Minister agree with me that the need to reinstate the practice of employing child chimney-sweeps is now more evident than ever, given that patriotic gdp-contributing paedophiles always enjoy something warm to slip into after a hard day at the orifice?”

    David Cameron agreed, adding, “The Government’s proposal to privatise childcare will ensure that income from this sector will be maximised in every possible way”.

    Later, Shadow Chancellor Teddy Testicles vowed that, once elected to power in 2015, the Labour Government would set and achieve a target of a small child up every chimney, and a small chimney up every child, by 2020.

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Labour’s Winning Hand | Sebastian Shakespeare
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Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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