10 Things Ed Shouldn’t Do on His Trip to Thurrock

awkward-ed
Ed Miliband is giving a speech in Thurrock this morning, the crucial number 2 target seat for Labour where the party have just lost overall control of the council after taking a battering from UKIP. What could possibly go wrong? Here is Guido’s memo to Ed:

  1. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in any public food consumption.
  2. Do not talk to real people – they may misfire on live TV. Remember Mrs Duffy.
  3. Do not bring Chuka Umunna with you. He is too cool and makes you look even nerdier when you stand beside him.
  4. Do not forget the name of the Thurrock Labour leader. He is John Kent. Maybe write it on your hand.
  5. Don’t console or get pictured with Clare Baldwin, the Labour Party councillor for Tilbury Riverside and Thurrock Park, she is under investigation for housing benefit fraud relating to properties in Tilbury and Loughton.
  6. Do not mention the fact that Labour’s Thurrock candidate Polly Billington used to be a BBC reporter for the Today programme and is your former taxpayer-funded special adviser, nor that she is a carpet-bagger parachuted in from South West London.
  7. Do not repeat what you said when Labour took control of Thurrock in 2012, that the result showed Labour was “winning back people’s trust and regaining ground”. That didn’t work out so well.
  8. Do not forget to congratulate Tim Aker on becoming an MEP. He is UKIP’s parliamentary candidate in Thurrock.
  9. Do not mention the fact that in 1996 under Tony Blair Labour swept to power in Peterborough, Swindon and Trafford councils, also holding Gloucester, Tamworth and Worcester. You failed to take any of these from the Tories.
  10. Do not forget to duck.

If you avoid all of these, you should be fine…




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

George Osborne paraphrases Boris, telling the FT:

“If the ball came loose at the back of the scrum, I wouldn’t fumble it”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

Did Boris Really Want Brexit? Did Boris Really Want Brexit?
Ken Interviewed, Doesn’t Mention Hitler Ken Interviewed, Doesn’t Mention Hitler
Chuka’s Single Market flip-flop Chuka’s Single Market flip-flop
LABOUR HQ PURGE FEARS LABOUR HQ PURGE FEARS
Carter Ruck Deleting Brooks Newmark Sext Pics Carter Ruck Deleting Brooks Newmark Sext Pics
Mandelson Aide Funding Owen Smith Mandelson Aide Funding Owen Smith
OILY WANTED CORBYN TO GO ON OILY WANTED CORBYN TO GO ON
Hinkley: Forseeable Financial Fiasco Hinkley: Forseeable Financial Fiasco
Baroness Shami(less) Baroness Shami(less)
Just How Totes Posh Is Stella Creasy? Just How Totes Posh Is Stella Creasy?
Thornberry “Sky Sexism” Meltdown Thornberry “Sky Sexism” Meltdown
WATCH HILLARY DROP WATCH HILLARY DROP
PMQs Sketch PMQs Sketch
Vaz Broke Law Vaz Broke Law
Cancel Hinkley Cancel Hinkley
Vaz On Front Pages Vaz On Front Pages
71% OF ECONOMISTS WILL BE PROVED WRONG ABOUT BREXIT 71% OF ECONOMISTS WILL BE PROVED WRONG ABOUT BREXIT
KAY BURLEY TELLS OWEN SMITH: “YOU’RE TOAST” KAY BURLEY TELLS OWEN SMITH: “YOU’RE TOAST”
PIERS MORGAN REFUSES TO DENY AFFAIR PIERS MORGAN REFUSES TO DENY AFFAIR