10 Things Ed Shouldn’t Do on His Trip to Thurrock

awkward-ed
Ed Miliband is giving a speech in Thurrock this morning, the crucial number 2 target seat for Labour where the party have just lost overall control of the council after taking a battering from UKIP. What could possibly go wrong? Here is Guido’s memo to Ed:

  1. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in any public food consumption.
  2. Do not talk to real people – they may misfire on live TV. Remember Mrs Duffy.
  3. Do not bring Chuka Umunna with you. He is too cool and makes you look even nerdier when you stand beside him.
  4. Do not forget the name of the Thurrock Labour leader. He is John Kent. Maybe write it on your hand.
  5. Don’t console or get pictured with Clare Baldwin, the Labour Party councillor for Tilbury Riverside and Thurrock Park, she is under investigation for housing benefit fraud relating to properties in Tilbury and Loughton.
  6. Do not mention the fact that Labour’s Thurrock candidate Polly Billington used to be a BBC reporter for the Today programme and is your former taxpayer-funded special adviser, nor that she is a carpet-bagger parachuted in from South West London.
  7. Do not repeat what you said when Labour took control of Thurrock in 2012, that the result showed Labour was “winning back people’s trust and regaining ground”. That didn’t work out so well.
  8. Do not forget to congratulate Tim Aker on becoming an MEP. He is UKIP’s parliamentary candidate in Thurrock.
  9. Do not mention the fact that in 1996 under Tony Blair Labour swept to power in Peterborough, Swindon and Trafford councils, also holding Gloucester, Tamworth and Worcester. You failed to take any of these from the Tories.
  10. Do not forget to duck.

If you avoid all of these, you should be fine…



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

GuidoFawkes Quote of the Day

Labour candidate Clive Lewis tells the Staggers:

“I mean, in the multiverse there’s still three universes in a hundred where there’s a Green MP in Norwich, so anything could happen. I could be caught with my pants down behind a goat with Ed Miliband at the other end – well, hopefully that won’t happen.”

Top Posts This Week

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

US GOVERNMENT ASKED LYNTON TO SPIN FOR OBAMA US GOVERNMENT ASKED LYNTON TO SPIN FOR OBAMA
LEAKED GOPRO FOOTAGE OF SPACEX ROCKET CRASH LANDING LEAKED GOPRO FOOTAGE OF SPACEX ROCKET CRASH LANDING
NEW STAR WARS TRAILER NEW STAR WARS TRAILER
A PPB From the ‘Cannabis is Safter Than Alcohol’ Party A PPB From the ‘Cannabis is Safter Than Alcohol’ Party
EX MP’S COMPANY BLEW THROUGH PUBLIC CASH EX MP’S COMPANY BLEW THROUGH PUBLIC CASH
POLL FINDS GREEN VOTERS PREFER TAKING LONG HAUL FLIGHTS POLL FINDS GREEN VOTERS PREFER TAKING LONG HAUL FLIGHTS

UKIP’s Favourite Journalist Reads Angry Tweets UKIP’s Favourite Journalist Reads Angry Tweets
UKIP in Scots are Nazis Slur UKIP in Scots are Nazis Slur
Lord Janner Demanded Prosecution of Elderly Criminal Lord Janner Demanded Prosecution of Elderly Criminal
EU ATTACKS GOOGLE FOR BEING SUCCESSFUL EU ATTACKS GOOGLE FOR BEING SUCCESSFUL
Labour’s Queen of Hypocrisy Labour’s Queen of Hypocrisy
GREEN ON GREEN FRACKING DEATHMATCH GREEN ON GREEN FRACKING DEATHMATCH
STAGGERS WEBSITE IN TURKISH HOOKERS HACK STAGGERS WEBSITE IN TURKISH HOOKERS HACK
Ed Gets Punk’d Ed Gets Punk’d
Did Ed Eat His Bogies? Did Ed Eat His Bogies?
MARIO DRAGHI ATTACKED AT NEWS CONFERENCE MARIO DRAGHI ATTACKED AT NEWS CONFERENCE
“Dr” Eoin Clarke Strikes Again “Dr” Eoin Clarke Strikes Again
Labour Manifesto Author Backs Tory Right-to-Buy Policy Labour Manifesto Author Backs Tory Right-to-Buy Policy
#Pray4UKIP #Pray4UKIP