May 16th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Questionable Selfie Technique Edition)

The winner of today’s caption contest gets themselves a copy of Lord Tebbit’s brand new book Ben’s Story.

It is about a radioactive telekinetic Russian dog. Really.

Only entries in the comments will be accepted…

Via @Hide_ItsHannah

142 Comments

  1. 1
    Burn Down Everthing says:

    Wanker.

    Like

    • 39
      Bollocks says:

      Guido’s boyfriend poses with someone else

      Like

      • 78
        D Cameron says:

        I may have a Scottish name but I am not a racist.

        Like

        • 80
          I'm not... says:

          You just hate British people and want to give their country, money and future away to foreigners.

          Like

          • broderick crawford says:

            LEAVE HIM ALONE FOR GOD S SAKE !

            I m no fawning fan of Cammo but he s paid to run the country not to pose like a professional model .

            He s clean , washed shaved,, bathed , shitted and kitted , suited and booted and he has a selfie taken .

            What s the big deal if he does nt assume the pith position ?

            At least he looks normal !!

            Can you imagine what Lord Home or Wilson or Callaghan or God love us McManse would fetch up as in a similar shot ??!!

            Like

    • 44
      Common Man says:

      Whatever he said to that poor girl, I bet it included a lie.

      Like

      • 51
        Havocman says:

        The Terminator T1000 had really stretched itself this time.

        Like

      • 57
        Anonymous says:

        If my daughter brought that lying duplicitous two faced w@nker home it would be justifiable grounds for a Chri5tian honour killing.

        Like

    • 48
      Juan Kerr says:

      Did someone say my name?

      Like

    • 56
      X Factor says:

      Is it Ant and Dec?

      Like

    • 62
      Me says:

      I prefer more than one tit in my photos.

      Like

    • 68
      Torquemada says:

      Wahay it’s after lunch, afternoon and very definitely PM. Leftwing students now out of bed and posting froth.

      Like

    • 75
      The Growler says:

      Girl, through gritted teeth, “Keep your hands to your self Dave”

      Like

  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Heres one more person my coalition has shafted.

    Like

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Prime Minister pretending to be a tadpole.

    Like

  4. 4

    Can you see my bald spot?

    Like

  5. 5
    AC DC says:

    Going down!

    Like

  6. 6
    Red Miltant says:

    Like

  7. 8
    Bill Quango MP says:

    At the auditions for Red Dwarf the Movie, Cameron is shortlisted for Holly.

    Like

  8. 9
    Shorts3600 says:

    “SO young voter, why are you voting conservative.”
    “Gottle of geer, gottle of geer”

    Like

  9. 10
    Roger "Hear ! Hear !" Helmer says:

    “David has only gone asked me for a hand job!”

    Like

  10. 11
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Girl’s pet Parrot mistaken for the Prime Minister – “Squawk! Who’s not a pretty boy? Squawk!”

    Like

  11. 12
    Cameron Lord of the ringpiece says:

    Call that a sniff Ed this is a sniff

    Like

  12. 13
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    I don’t care for captions but she’s a fine looking lass.

    Errrrr…is she legal or have I just done a Rolf/Stuart/Max?

    Like

  13. 15
    Rickytshirt says:

    It’s no good, David. You look like a **** from this angle too. But at least you’ll never look as derpy as Ed.

    Like

  14. 16
    Dirk Diggler says:

    Where is his other hand ?

    Like

  15. 17
    Dirty Boy says:

    Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

    Like

  16. 19
    Cynic2 says:

    DAVE THINKS “A selfie is always much safer than an investigation for anything else”

    Like

  17. 22
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “Try saying Bumsex without moving your lips.”

    Like

  18. 23
    Cynic2 says:

    Dave realises HandyCocks wet dream

    Like

  19. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Relax, this won’t hurt

    Like

  20. 25
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    I’ve seen divers Photobombed by a Jellyfish but never a person on dry land.

    Like

  21. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Spam Cam

    Like

  22. 28
    Figel Narage says:

    “Hold it just there, so you can’t see my bald spot”

    Like

  23. 32
    Labour are cunts says:

    Girl: “And to think my friends said I’d never have the guts to take a photo of myself with a huge cock”.

    Like

  24. 33
    Old Dental Technician Joke says:

    I’ve never come across teeth like those before.

    Like

  25. 36

    Wealthy / Selfie

    Like

  26. 37
    Common Man says:

    PM – is that an SLR or a tweet ?

    Like

  27. 38
    Labour are cunts says:

    Girl says: “Where’s your wife Judy, Mr Punch?”

    Like

  28. 41
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Somebody loves me ! :)

    Like

  29. 43
    Rickytshirt says:

    Say Cheese, David.

    Manchego.

    Like

  30. 46
    Freddie Starr ate my Hymen says:

    His name’s Bercow and he’s a Pekinese – you can tickle him under his chin and he won’t bite. Used to be a handful but I had him neutered in 2015 – seems relieved to have them taken away as he had no use for them.

    Like

  31. 50
    Cameron is a twat says:

    I’m not a libdem my dear so you are perfectly safe.

    Like

  32. 51
    The MSM says:

    The latest UKIP poster is the scariest yet

    Like

  33. 53
    Psst I can make you famous says:

    Exhibit A CPS vs Cameron in twenty years time.

    Like

  34. 54

    You see, the last shot’s worn off. I can fit you in Tuesday.

    Like

  35. 55
  36. 58
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “We are forehead in the polls”

    Like

  37. 59
    Labour will probably smear this poor girl says:

    Like

    • 61
      Labour will probably smear this poor girl says:

      Like

      • 87
        Hannah Banana says:

        David Cameron’s not like all the other boys in my school,he acts like all grown up and stuff.
        Way more interesting than that other thing I was interested in 24hrs ago.
        One direction are like sooo yesterday.

        Like

        • 108
          Hannah Banana says:

          Can’t believe I’ve met so many celebrities recently: David Cameron, Stuart Hall, Dave Lee Travis, Freddie Starr, Jimmy Savile and so many many more!

          Like

    • 112
      Fashion police says:

      Why is it that the girls with the fattest and ugliest legs ALWAYS wear the inappropriately short skirts? Don’t they have any friends to whisper the truth in their ears?

      Like

  38. 60
    Jack Ketch says:

    “It’s OK Mum, he promised me an IN-OUT, but only in 2017 when it’s legal”.

    Like

  39. 65
    Anonymous says:

    “Now if you lean forward like me, we’ll be able to see right down your top”

    Like

  40. 66
    happysnapper says:

    Dumb, ignorant, sunburned, indigenous political muppet with eyes too close together, a mean mouth and a prehensile nose photobombs attractive young ladies attempt the take a personal photo to send to her mum in hospital.

    Like

  41. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Dave cuddles up to another UKIP supporter

    Like

  42. 69
    A Camera says:

    Dave spoils selfie

    Like

  43. 72
    Another unhappy customer says:

    I just got phoned up by a guy I know who is standing in the local elections. He was all very friendly and hale fellow well met – wanting me to help him deliver his leaflets. I have helped him in the past as a favour but am not currently in any political party.

    I told him I won’t because he lied to me about something a few weeks ago. (It’s local politics so I won’t bore you with the details). His response being not an apology for having misinformed me or a denial that he had, but that ‘It was a last minute decision’. I wished him good luck and put the phone down. So that is the end of my involvement with council politics for this year.

    Like

  44. 76
    Cliff*ord, Sav*le, Trav*s, H*ll and Harr*s (Solicitors) Ltd. says:

    In 30 years time, this photo will be prime evidence in a sex assault case.

    Like

  45. 77
    Alexei Romanov says:

    Through gritted teeth ‘I’d rather you didn’t put your hand there!’

    Like

  46. 82
    The Girl says:

    I never said in the arse. Ow! Typical politician.

    Like

  47. 83
    Gez says:

    “My head is almost as big as the national debt! Hahahaha! Quick find an obscure member of UKIP saying something silly, that should fool the electorate!”

    Like

  48. 84
    inspect0r clouseau says:

    Following the success of Chucka’s much published crowd photo ops- young girl decides to go one better and take one instead with a minkey on her shoulder.

    Like

  49. 86
    Roll over and over and over and over until you get dizzy says:

    Two idiots trying to be in the game.

    Like

  50. 88
    Dazza says:

    Cameron finally has a light bulb moment…

    Like

  51. 89

    Comb-over, check, extra chins hidden, check – complementary viagra – Priceless.

    Like

  52. 90
    Tooth fairy says:

    …. and if you look very very closely, in the corner, you can se an “un-credible shrinking man”

    Like

  53. 92
    Anon & Voting for UKIP ORG says:

    The Big Tit in a total trance !!

    Like

  54. 94
    Tattypuss says:

    Cameron’s sock puppet grimaces, wishing he’d trimmed his finger nails.

    Like

  55. 95
    Cynic2 says:

    Like

  56. 96
    michael says:

    …”DUCK!”
    PM… “WHERE?”

    Like

  57. 97
    Barack Obama says:

    “If you’re going to do selfies, Dave, stick to the heads of state as I do.”

    Like

  58. 98
    Anonymous says:

    On the ‘Ed son

    Like

  59. 99

    Dave just asked what a money shot is…

    Incoming!

    Like

  60. 100
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Perhaps her other smile looks more natural?

    Like

  61. 101
    john mackie says:

    Could you give me some head please.

    Like

  62. 102
    Fruitcake and swivel eyed loony loving the panic and utter desperation says:

    ‘My Dad says you’re a lying twat’

    Like

  63. 103
    Mr Plod says:

    Looks like the young lady in question is about 14 – obviously an impressionable age.

    Like

  64. 104
    Austin Tash says:

    “You see that man down holding the camera? His name is Guido and he’s a cnut.”

    Like

  65. 105
    Maimed Codger says:

    No dam it, I am NOT Captain Hastings. I am your Prime Minister.

    Like

  66. 106
    Austin Tash says:

    “You promise this won’t come back to haunt me in 30 or 40 years time?”

    Like

  67. 107
    President Cheery B. Mahmood says:

    “would you like to see my nuclear weapon ?”

    Like

  68. 109
    Mrs Entity says:

    selfie shocker as PM sneaks into snap!

    Like

  69. 110

    “Is this the way to Rivendell?”

    Like

  70. 111

    Dave “Ukip if you want to love, I’m staying up to perfect this selfie lark…”

    Like

  71. 113
    Hannah Banana says:

    “Mr Prime minister does your arse get jealous about the amount of shit that constantly comes out of your mouth?”

    Like

  72. 114
    ahmonika says:

    Botox.

    Before and after.

    Like

  73. 116
    Village Idiot says:

    ….Left,..left…

    Like

  74. 117
    ahmonika says:

    Through gritted teeth.

    ” Feels more like a ripe banana “

    Like

  75. 118
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Cameron – caught acting at arms length as usual.

    Like

  76. 120
    A Klingon says:

    Beamed down for a selfie – no sign of plebs

    Like

  77. 128
    Austin Tash says:

    Just keep smiling and hope he goes away.

    Like

  78. 129
    Austin Tash says:

    Does my head look big in this?

    Like

  79. 130
    Austin Tash says:

    You’re right, he is a c*nt — but he’s promised to use this picture for his caption competition thingy.

    Like

  80. 136
    Brother York says:

    Photo competitions are not for everybody.

    Like

  81. 137
  82. 138
    Captain_Britton says:

    Can’t say I remember Sam ever looking that young before.

    Like

  83. 139
    Nie_Nine_Won says:

    Tell me again – what part of the Stalker do you have to kick?

    Like

  84. 142
    MAD FRANKIE HADDOCK SON OF COD AND CODFATHER OF SOLE says:

    Mum ! He offered to pay me if he could watch me have a selfie

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

50 Shades of Grayling | Speccie
Bercow’s £12,000 of VIP Sporting Freebies | Sun
Aldous Huxley v George Orwell | FatPita
Blinkered BBC is Ripe for Reform | David Keighley
Calls for Bercow to Face Inquiry | Mail
Labour Mad to Fight Tories on Tax | Dan Hodges
Right to be Forgotten is a Disaster | Padraig Reidy
Dave Could Be Finished Before 50 | James Forsyth
Why Do Politicians Keep Getting Caught on Tape? | BBC
Ed Guru: It’s Good to Tax the Dead | Mail
Dave Must Get Serious or He Will Lose | Tim Montgomerie


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Knifed former civil service chief Bob Kerslake on his recent troubles:

“Many thks for kind wishes following back opn. Incision measured 16cm. A pretty big knife in the back! Photos on request.”



TJ says:

And i’ve noticed that 100% of Guido Fawkes staff are men. Looks like Guido has a woman problem. Or is it an hypocrisy problem?


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