May 16th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Questionable Selfie Technique Edition)


  1. 1
    Burn Down Everthing says:


  2. 2
    Anonymous says:

    Heres one more person my coalition has shafted.

  3. 3
    Anonymous says:

    Prime Minister pretending to be a tadpole.

  4. 4

    Can you see my bald spot?

  5. 5
    AC DC says:

    Going down!

  6. 6
    Red Miltant says:

  7. 7
    muff diver says:

    Is that Cameron or the girl?

  8. 8
    Bill Quango MP says:

    At the auditions for Red Dwarf the Movie, Cameron is shortlisted for Holly.

  9. 9
    Shorts3600 says:

    “SO young voter, why are you voting conservative.”
    “Gottle of geer, gottle of geer”

  10. 10
    Roger "Hear ! Hear !" Helmer says:

    “David has only gone asked me for a hand job!”

  11. 11
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Girl’s pet Parrot mistaken for the Prime Minister – “Squawk! Who’s not a pretty boy? Squawk!”

  12. 12
    Cameron Lord of the ringpiece says:

    Call that a sniff Ed this is a sniff

  13. 13
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    I don’t care for captions but she’s a fine looking lass.

    Errrrr…is she legal or have I just done a Rolf/Stuart/Max?

  14. 14
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Miliband looks lost as the others discuss “Seahawks gaining 5 yardage from a tight end shotgun to make the third-down by the endzone.”

  15. 15
    Rickytshirt says:

    It’s no good, David. You look like a **** from this angle too. But at least you’ll never look as derpy as Ed.

  16. 16
    Dirk Diggler says:

    Where is his other hand ?

  17. 17
    Dirty Boy says:

    Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

  18. 18
    Caption Competition says:

    Hey buddy, where’s this fu**ing Miliband asshole, is he late???

  19. 19
    Cynic2 says:

    DAVE THINKS “A selfie is always much safer than an investigation for anything else”

  20. 20
    Labour are cunts says:

    You’re entering your own caption comp?

  21. 21
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    Can anyone see what’s written on the piece of paper in front of him? Are there any policies on it?

  22. 22
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “Try saying Bumsex without moving your lips.”

  23. 23
    Cynic2 says:

    Dave realises HandyCocks wet dream

  24. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Relax, this won’t hurt

  25. 25
    BBC 24hr rolling bollocks says:

    I’ve seen divers Photobombed by a Jellyfish but never a person on dry land.

  26. 26
  27. 27
    Anonymous says:

    Spam Cam

  28. 28
    Figel Narage says:

    “Hold it just there, so you can’t see my bald spot”

  29. 29

    Saying a girl is good looking is not a crime.

  30. 30

    I want the book.

  31. 31
    Cynic2 says:

    SamCam’s phone call to Cheaters was proving worthwhile after all

  32. 32
    Labour are cunts says:

    Girl: “And to think my friends said I’d never have the guts to take a photo of myself with a huge cock”.

  33. 33
    Old Dental Technician Joke says:

    I’ve never come across teeth like those before.

  34. 34
    B3 says:

    His head looks like it has been photoshopped.

  35. 35
    Cynic2 says:

    AxelRod “So which of you is the one that likes Black Cock”

  36. 36

    Wealthy / Selfie

  37. 37
    Common Man says:

    PM – is that an SLR or a tweet ?

  38. 38
    Labour are cunts says:

    Girl says: “Where’s your wife Judy, Mr Punch?”

  39. 39
    Bollocks says:

    Guido’s boyfriend poses with someone else

  40. 40
    Cynic2 says:

    “So Hetty, how long have you been Party Leader?”

  41. 41
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Somebody loves me ! :)

  42. 42
    Labour are cunts says:

    Nice one.

  43. 43
    Rickytshirt says:

    Say Cheese, David.


  44. 44
    Common Man says:

    Whatever he said to that poor girl, I bet it included a lie.

  45. 45
    Mike Hancock says:


  46. 46
    Freddie Starr ate my Hymen says:

    His name’s Bercow and he’s a Pekinese – you can tickle him under his chin and he won’t bite. Used to be a handful but I had him neutered in 2015 – seems relieved to have them taken away as he had no use for them.

  47. 47
    Cynic2 says:

    Hey Ed, whenever I mention PIE Charts and Hetty why do I get these funny looks?

  48. 48
    Juan Kerr says:

    Did someone say my name?

  49. 49
    Labour are cunts says:

    Here’s Norman talking about the book.

  50. 50
    Cameron is a twat says:

    I’m not a libdem my dear so you are perfectly safe.

  51. 51
    The MSM says:

    The latest UKIP poster is the scariest yet

  52. 52
    Havocman says:

    The Terminator T1000 had really stretched itself this time.

  53. 53
    Psst I can make you famous says:

    Exhibit A CPS vs Cameron in twenty years time.

  54. 54

    You see, the last shot’s worn off. I can fit you in Tuesday.

  55. 55
  56. 56
    X Factor says:

    Is it Ant and Dec?

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    If my daughter brought that lying duplicitous two faced w@nker home it would be justifiable grounds for a Chri5tian honour killing.

  58. 58
    Bill Quango MP says:

    “We are forehead in the polls”

  59. 59
    Labour will probably smear this poor girl says:

  60. 60
    Jack Ketch says:

    “It’s OK Mum, he promised me an IN-OUT, but only in 2017 when it’s legal”.

  61. 61
    Labour will probably smear this poor girl says:

  62. 62
    Me says:

    I prefer more than one tit in my photos.

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    No your mistaking that for the Conservative policies photocopied from the Lib Dems and Liebor.

  64. 64
    Anonymous says:

    No it’s a blank piece of paper, it’s got Camerons list of EU demands on it…

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    “Now if you lean forward like me, we’ll be able to see right down your top”

  66. 66
    happysnapper says:

    Dumb, ignorant, sunburned, indigenous political muppet with eyes too close together, a mean mouth and a prehensile nose photobombs attractive young ladies attempt the take a personal photo to send to her mum in hospital.

  67. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Dave cuddles up to another UKIP supporter

  68. 68
    Torquemada says:

    Wahay it’s after lunch, afternoon and very definitely PM. Leftwing students now out of bed and posting froth.

  69. 69
    A Camera says:

    Dave spoils selfie

  70. 70
    Anonymous says:


  71. 71
    Torquemada says:

    May have been worse. Thankfully they didn’t catch the PM looking at her tits.

  72. 72
    Another unhappy customer says:

    I just got phoned up by a guy I know who is standing in the local elections. He was all very friendly and hale fellow well met – wanting me to help him deliver his leaflets. I have helped him in the past as a favour but am not currently in any political party.

    I told him I won’t because he lied to me about something a few weeks ago. (It’s local politics so I won’t bore you with the details). His response being not an apology for having misinformed me or a denial that he had, but that ‘It was a last minute decision’. I wished him good luck and put the phone down. So that is the end of my involvement with council politics for this year.

  73. 73
    Labour are cunts says:

    Thank you.

  74. 74
    Bill Quango MP says:

    ..well Ed, just think about it, OK?
    Don’t just say no.

    Because if you WERE to become a black guy that would really make my job a whole lot easier.

  75. 75
    The Growler says:

    Girl, through gritted teeth, “Keep your hands to your self Dave”

  76. 76
    Cliff*ord, Sav*le, Trav*s, H*ll and Harr*s (Solicitors) Ltd. says:

    In 30 years time, this photo will be prime evidence in a sex assault case.

  77. 77
    Alexei Romanov says:

    Through gritted teeth ‘I’d rather you didn’t put your hand there!’

  78. 78
    D Cameron says:

    I may have a Scottish name but I am not a racist.

  79. 79
    I don't want to get all anal about it but... says:

    Lips never move during bumsex

  80. 80
    I'm not... says:

    You just hate British people and want to give their country, money and future away to foreigners.

  81. 81
    Chris Bryant says:

    I love eating tadpoles.

  82. 82
    The Girl says:

    I never said in the arse. Ow! Typical politician.

  83. 83
    Gez says:

    “My head is almost as big as the national debt! Hahahaha! Quick find an obscure member of UKIP saying something silly, that should fool the electorate!”

  84. 84
    inspect0r clouseau says:

    Following the success of Chucka’s much published crowd photo ops- young girl decides to go one better and take one instead with a minkey on her shoulder.

  85. 85
    Milipede says:

    That’s right Hattie…we all think he’s a bellend

  86. 86
    Roll over and over and over and over until you get dizzy says:

    Two idiots trying to be in the game.

  87. 87
    Hannah Banana says:

    David Cameron’s not like all the other boys in my school,he acts like all grown up and stuff.
    Way more interesting than that other thing I was interested in 24hrs ago.
    One direction are like sooo yesterday.

  88. 88
    Dazza says:

    Cameron finally has a light bulb moment…

  89. 89

    Comb-over, check, extra chins hidden, check – complementary viagra – Priceless.

  90. 90
    Tooth fairy says:

    …. and if you look very very closely, in the corner, you can se an “un-credible shrinking man”

  91. 91
    Observant says:

    Bit verbose for a caption pal….

  92. 92
    Anon & Voting for UKIP ORG says:

    The Big Tit in a total trance !!

  93. 93
    Ed M says:

    “So I ask you, why couldn’t my Patriots have picked that first ‘out’ bloke in the NFL, ‘Ax’? I’d have been ever so pleased!”

  94. 94
    Tattypuss says:

    Cameron’s sock puppet grimaces, wishing he’d trimmed his finger nails.

  95. 95
  96. 96
    michael says:

    PM… “WHERE?”

  97. 97
    Barack Obama says:

    “If you’re going to do selfies, Dave, stick to the heads of state as I do.”

  98. 98
    Anonymous says:

    On the ‘Ed son

  99. 99

    Dave just asked what a money shot is…


  100. 100
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Perhaps her other smile looks more natural?

  101. 101
    john mackie says:

    Could you give me some head please.

  102. 102
    Fruitcake and swivel eyed loony loving the panic and utter desperation says:

    ‘My Dad says you’re a lying twat’

  103. 103
    Mr Plod says:

    Looks like the young lady in question is about 14 – obviously an impressionable age.

  104. 104
    Austin Tash says:

    “You see that man down holding the camera? His name is Guido and he’s a cnut.”

  105. 105
    Maimed Codger says:

    No dam it, I am NOT Captain Hastings. I am your Prime Minister.

  106. 106
    Austin Tash says:

    “You promise this won’t come back to haunt me in 30 or 40 years time?”

  107. 107
    President Cheery B. Mahmood says:

    “would you like to see my nuclear weapon ?”

  108. 108
    Hannah Banana says:

    Can’t believe I’ve met so many celebrities recently: David Cameron, Stuart Hall, Dave Lee Travis, Freddie Starr, Jimmy Savile and so many many more!

  109. 109
    Mrs Entity says:

    selfie shocker as PM sneaks into snap!

  110. 110

    “Is this the way to Rivendell?”

  111. 111

    Dave “Ukip if you want to love, I’m staying up to perfect this selfie lark…”

  112. 112
    Fashion police says:

    Why is it that the girls with the fattest and ugliest legs ALWAYS wear the inappropriately short skirts? Don’t they have any friends to whisper the truth in their ears?

  113. 113
    Hannah Banana says:

    “Mr Prime minister does your arse get jealous about the amount of shit that constantly comes out of your mouth?”

  114. 114
    ahmonika says:


    Before and after.

  115. 115
    Village Idiot says:


  116. 116
    Village Idiot says:


  117. 117
    ahmonika says:

    Through gritted teeth.

    ” Feels more like a ripe banana “

  118. 118
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Cameron – caught acting at arms length as usual.

  119. 119
    Alvin says:

    See hear Polly, who’se this feckin idiot youv’e brought along and when am I going to meet Milipand ?

  120. 120
    A Klingon says:

    Beamed down for a selfie – no sign of plebs

  121. 121
    Workers vote UKIP. says:


  122. 122
    Tom Catesby says:

    What happened to the ferret that was under axelgrind’s nose?

  123. 123
    Tom Catesby says:

    You should talk to chuckup.

  124. 124
    Harmanperson says:

    My Jack!!

  125. 125
    Harmanperson says:

    A bellend, is it black I’ll tell our Jack?

  126. 126
    Harmanperson says:

    Not yet, but we are thinking seriously about it.

  127. 127
    Yeah whatever. says:

    Yeah, pity you aren’t old enough to have met rolf harris.

  128. 128
    Austin Tash says:

    Just keep smiling and hope he goes away.

  129. 129
    Austin Tash says:

    Does my head look big in this?

  130. 130
    Austin Tash says:

    You’re right, he is a c*nt — but he’s promised to use this picture for his caption competition thingy.

  131. 131
  132. 132
    thostids says:

    Dyno saying to Harpic….”And Cameron’s will fall out like mine, luv, if he had any more like you rattling in his cupboard”.

  133. 133
    broderick crawford says:


    I m no fawning fan of Cammo but he s paid to run the country not to pose like a professional model .

    He s clean , washed shaved,, bathed , shitted and kitted , suited and booted and he has a selfie taken .

    What s the big deal if he does nt assume the pith position ?

    At least he looks normal !!

    Can you imagine what Lord Home or Wilson or Callaghan or God love us McManse would fetch up as in a similar shot ??!!

  134. 134
    broderick crawford says:


    … if it really was from Ed zballs .

    Is that REALLY what he thinks of the Big End ?

    (hey rubber duck , ahh think we got ourselves a connnn voooooy !!)

  135. 135
    broderick crawford says:

    Well I can see it s orinted so he has nt learned how to do joined up writing yet .

    But they ve supplied him with a pen which augurs well ….

  136. 136
    Brother York says:

    Photo competitions are not for everybody.

  137. 137
  138. 138
    Captain_Britton says:

    Can’t say I remember Sam ever looking that young before.

  139. 139
    Nie_Nine_Won says:

    Tell me again – what part of the Stalker do you have to kick?

  140. 140
    HandyCock @priory says:

    Why assume the porn was Jack’s

  141. 141
    HandyCock @priory says:

    DEFINITELY safe with a LibDem

  142. 142

    Mum ! He offered to pay me if he could watch me have a selfie

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