May 13th, 2014

Wheels Coming Off Labour Axel …rod

Dan Hodges has more on the high speed separation of the wheels from Labour’s axel… rod:

“The election campaign is being managed by Spencer Livermore, who is trying to sell the whole package via classical New Labour hard marketing techniques. His colleague, Douglas Alexander, has reportedly been banished to Scotland as scapegoat for the disintegration of Labour’s Euro election campaign. Michael Dugher, one of the party’s most accomplished campaigners, has been shunted off into the murky world of political black ops, managing the party’s “SEAL” attack team. The rest of shadow cabinet have simply vanished without a trace. 

When David Axelrod, the former Obama strategist, arrives for his first meetings with his new employers today, he could be forgiven for thinking he just walked into a lunatic asylum. “Where’s that guy who hired me?”. “Douglas? He’s off polling the Gorbals”. But he won’t have walked into an asylum. He’ll have walked into Ed Miliband’s Labour Party.

How long before a Labour MP breaks cover to moan on the airwaves? Guido’s money is on before PMQs tomorrow…


144 Comments

  1. 1
    David Miliband says:

    Just waiting for the call !

    Like

  2. 2
    Owen Jones 13 3/4 says:

    ‘SEAL’ attack team, does that mean they clap their flippers and wait to be thrown sardines. About all labour is capable of.

    Like

    • 17
      Wake up & vote UKIP says:

      Probably means they are running up Blakeney spit with a lump hammer.

      Like

    • 38
      Casey Ryback says:

      Where’s Commander Krilliband?

      Like

      • 128
        broderick crawford says:

        You watch . AxelGrease will probably come up with a big budget promo video highlighting his Leader s personality, bsckground and statesmanship , simply called “Milliband! ”

        Now where have I seen that one go wrong before ?

        ( The consolation for Labour could be that if Axel only walked in the door this morning then if he s any good at all the bloomers of the past will
        be no more (?) )

        Like

  3. 3
    Dan Hodges Cat says:

    I hate it when Dan’s right he becomes such an insufferable prick when he’s right.

    Like

    • 6
      Eddard 'Stark Raving' of Islingtion says:

      I think he’s going to be proved very wrong when I become king of the North.

      Like

    • 69
      jimbo says:

      To be fair, predicting that retardEd Miliband wouldn’t be a good leader is something that almost the entire Tory press, the Tory party, most commentators and even lots of the left agreed on. It hardly proves Hodges is “right”. This is the same man who watched both Farage v Clegg debates and then concluded Clegg won. He’s a twat.

      Like

    • 129
      broderick crawford says:

      DAN HODGES SAYS

      Wolf down your Felix feline and keep your views to yourself . If you re very good and keep very quiet next time you ll get some Sheba .

      Like

  4. 4
    Gordon the fruitcake says:

    You said I would be the worst Labour Prime Minister in history, ever.

    I’m not even going to be the worst this decade

    Like

  5. 8
    Labour swansong says:

    Take a pinch of Miliband
    Add a dose of Benn.
    Mix a bit of Kinnock,
    Stir it up with Len.

    Like

  6. 10
    Polly Pot says:

    Its not possible!

    I just can’t.. I mean I can’t have one of my idols proved to be a twat .. YET AGAIN!

    I’m 10 for nothing here!

    Like

  7. 12
    The BBC interviewing Ed Miliband says:

    Yes Mr Miliband, no Mr Miliband, three bags full Mr Miliband, wait are you sure taxing banker’s bonuses would really raise the £6 trillion you need for your spending plans Mr Miliband? Oh of course it would, please forgive me for doubting you, sir.

    Like

    • 30
      Andrew Marr says:

      Shut it Cameron!

      Like

      • 36
        Aardvark says:

        Couldn’t the BBC be more sycophantic to Labour?

        Perhaps Milliband could be declared the new Messiah and Cameron could feature in a 10 hour BBC docu-drama as the devil.

        Like

        • 89
          BBC News and Propaganda Unit says:

          We’ve already commissioned a 52 part series conveniently
          taking us up to the next election,backed by coverage
          on our 45 radio stations,proving conclusively that Cameron
          is the Devil incarnate.
          Now shut up and hand over your telly tax.

          Like

        • 132
          broderick crawford says:

          No. The Satanic part is Clegg s….Old Nick.

          Like

  8. 13
    Philagain says:

    Bring Owen jones into cabinet NOW.
    Only he truly understands the class struggle and has what it takes to rid this country of those tory homophobic nazis!

    Like

  9. 14
    The BBC interviewing Nigel Farage says:

    Is it true you’re a racist and your party are Nazis?

    Like

    • 65
      Viewer watching the BBC says:

      Is it true you are all pa-edos who shill for the communists and steal from the taxpayer?

      Like

    • 68
      Dangerous Brian says:

      And, just to clarify, is it true that, as I have been led to believe, you are you all homophobic misogynists to boot?

      Like

  10. 16
    Guy News Room says:

    NEWS! Public sympathy for Prime Minister David Cameron holding steady at 0%

    Like

  11. 18
    bergen says:

    Milliband was elected leader by the union vote. The PLP didn’t want him nor did the membership. That lack of legitimacy is beginning to count.

    As far as the public is concerned, he is a weird looking, vaguely foreign, inarticulate nerd who’s never had a proper job in the outside world in his life and whose principal claim to fame is to have knifed his brother in the back to achieve office. And if he would do that to his brother he’d certainly do it to the rest of us.

    Not good selling points.

    Like

    • 23
      Mornington Crescent says:

      I really hope Labour choose his brother to succeed him in 2015 because, contrary to popular belief, he too is a “weird looking, vaguely foreign, inarticulate nerd who’s never had a proper job in the outside world in his life”.

      Better still, Militwit D. is also part of the motley crew that drove this country into the buffers in the first place.

      Go on Labour, choose another Militwit to ‘lead’ you…

      Like

      • 31
        Serves Labour right says:

        Also whatever the hyperbole from Labour and the BBC this recession hasn’t been that bad for most people.
        In the 90’s I knew people personally who lost jobs and had houses repossessed.
        Not this recession.A bit of belt tightening perhaps but not enough to make people hungry for the change Labour under Miliband are offering.

        Like

        • 53
          JH-2133253141245 says:

          That’s because they have kept interest rates artificially low in order to keep house prices at bubble levels and existing mortgages cheap.

          At some point interest rates will have to return to their historic norm of 5-6%, and when they do there will be hell to pay.

          Like

      • 42
        Len McCluskey says:

        Oi sunshine, I choose the Labour leader.

        Like

    • 72
      Dangerous Brian says:

      Unless of course you work for the Grauniad or the Beeb, someone with those solid left wing credentials would fit right in.

      Like

      • 94
        well says:

        The public would never elect Miliband D. now.
        He fucked off to the States with a knife in his
        back and his tail between his bandy legs.

        Like

        • 116
          A lightly fried mars bar says:

          … plus, if he did come back, he would place himself within reach of the long arm of the law. Hence, we may safely assume he is staying firmly where he is (out of the reach of those nasty judges at The Hague).

          Like

    • 123
      thostids says:

      But what do you do when all the rest of the inmates standing behind Miliwurst are only waiting for a clear pair of shoulder blades to shove the knife in, and are all to a man, woman or hermaphrodite, unfit to be considered for anywhere but a Secure Unit within the definition of the term as applied to Broadmoor, and preferably all locked in the same Dorm’ as Ian Brady in his usual lucid phases.

      Like

    • 133
      Tim Yeo-Yo says:

      If it walks like a mong, talks like a mong and looks like a mong….it’s a Millibean

      Like

  12. 19
    Serves Labour right says:

    Too late to dump boy blunder Labour are gonna have to ride this donkey all the way to the general election.
    Ladies and germs I present ‘The zombie opposition party’.

    Like

  13. 20
    David Axelrod says:

    Help! I’ve been chained up at Labour HQ! I can’t escape! Someone, please call the police!

    Like

    • 124
      thostids says:

      You’re not a Mormon are you? It’s just that this keeps happening to them. The last one was handcuffed to a bed. It isn’t Balls who’s forgotten to take his pills again, is it?

      Like

  14. 22
    C O (Ξ7s1) says:

    This exposes the real hazards of investing in state subsidized renewable energy in Europe:

    This is what happens when uneconomic energy policy is followed.

    Like

  15. 24
    Angry dad doesn't want his son to see woman's booty says:

    Like

  16. 27
    Reader says:

    I am not very impressed with the little star and ‘like this’ thing going on on all the comments.

    Like

    • 29
      Guido Fawkes says:

      Short answer, “No”

      Like

      • 41
        Reader says:

        I wasn’t asking a question

        Like

        • 45
          Ellie-Mae (9) says:

          Look, the GF team are busy working their way thru “wordpress for dummies”, that’s why we have all this junkware all over the blog.

          Like

          • Patience says:

            There’s only one guy who logs in and then “likes” every comment. When he’s not here there aren’t any. David Davis is his name.

            Like

    • 46
      Patience says:

      We had something similar a few years ago and eventually it disappeared.

      Like

    • 54
      Lick This says:

      Either the ‘like this’ widgit isn’t working, or indeed no one likes anything on this blog.

      Like

      • 63
        JH-2133253141245 says:

        It’s because you would need an active WordPress login for the site.

        You could have some sort of like this widget based on IP address to prevent spam, but I wouldn’t bother. If there’s one thing posters here don’t have difficulty with, it’s making clear whether they like or dislike a post.

        You can get rid of the annoying avatar box with Ad_block of Fire_fox btw.

        Like

        • 67
          JH-2133253141245 says:

          BTW Guido, if you are struggling to remove this yourself, just add the following to the site’s CSS rules:

          .comment-likes {
          display: none;
          visibility: hidden;
          }

          That should do it.

          Like

    • 62
      Like these? says:

      Chocolate cake
      Strawberries and cream
      Lemon meringue pie
      Jap fancies
      Apricot frangipane
      Pannacotta with raspeberries
      Eton mess
      Bramley apple pie
      A big jug of Pimms with all the fruit & veg?

      Like

  17. 28
    Negative campaigning works. But on the issues not the personalities says:

    Like

  18. 32
    Raving Loon says:

    I bet Labour are really happy they let the unions chose their leader.

    Like

  19. 34
    Anonymous says:

    is this site now become the recycling centre for all Dan Hodges’ output.

    If Dan said a pig’s arse was pork I wouldn’t believe him so what’s with the constant referencing to his bilge apart from the fcat he also hates Ed. Fuck, this site’s gone downhill.

    Like

    • 47
      Dan Hodges Cat says:

      Funny enough this is a conversation I had with Dan when he served me dinner last night
      “If this is pork then why does it taste of chicken and what the fuck is this feather doing in it?”

      Like

  20. 37
    David Axlegrease says:

    Wise up, guys. If we can big Yookip in this dummy Euro-election the Tories will be toast next year.

    Like

    • 51
      Ellie-Mae (9) says:

      David, a word of advice, when you get your first paycheck, ring the bank to make sure it’s really really there.

      Like

    • 55
      jgm2 says:

      Yeah, that’ll be it. Attack the Tories and let UKIP have a free run.

      Because that worked so well against the SNP up in Fucking Scotland.

      Like

  21. 57
    Fidel Castro says:

    A challenge to Miniband this September is on the cards, because Anklebar can spot a loser from a mile off.

    Alexander has been nobbled, Mr Balls is on a charge and is not photogenic. Khan too lightweight. Darling digging his grave in Scotland.

    Mrs Balls probably still in the running because she is a woman.

    Enter stage right……………………………Tris…………..no its Miliband D !

    Like

    • 75
      jgm2 says:

      I’ve been predicting Yvette Cooper as next leader of the opposition for some time now. I had thought it would be August of next year but perhaps it’ll happen earlier.

      The problem (for Labour) is that I’m not sure there’s any mechanism for forcing Miliband out. ISTR that, while in opposition, the Labour shadow cabinet is ‘safe’ under their own rules which is why Harman didn’t take the chance of trying to go for the big job. She figured (rightly) that she had no chance and that it would provide a golden opportunity for whoever did win to get rid of the useless, thick baggage.

      Like

      • 90
        optional extras says:

        I think she will be a loser as well, she is well and truly tainted along with her husband, in being Broons stooges, the whitewash has really started to flake on the “New Labour Party” and the dirty undercoat is showing who was involved with Broon and people are not liking what they see from this Liebour party.

        Like

        • 105
          The British Press are bloody useless says:

          But the only thing she has going for is that she is a woman.

          She has no real friends other than her husband who probably prefers to go on holiday with her for a week rather than a fortnight.

          As May’s Shadow she has had several opportunities to finish her and has simply not delivered.

          Listening to her a couple of years ago I think she thought she had saved the world by banning the shorting of Bank shares.

          Like

        • 140
          Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

          … also they’ve had too big a slice of PIE for the press to forget.

          Like

    • 76
      Dangerous Brian says:

      Chukus ya Money in the running, his parents were immigrants, don’t you know?

      Like

    • 102
      Norma Stitz says:

      I wonder if Axelbum had a quiet, informal meeting with the ‘Prince across the Water’ before flying over? Would be interesting to know.

      Like

      • 108
        optional extras says:

        Chukka Butty is just happy seeing his picture in the newspaper and on tv, he’s too vain and arrogant to have to work at something, if he did this country would end up like his ex home country, ungovernable and procy harum in the Scottish woods, let him buy new suits, pat his head and tell him how great he is .

        Like

        • 115
          JH-230912384590231 says:

          Can I pat him multiple times on the baldy head, speeded up, like that little bloke on Benny Hill?

          Best use for him.

          Like

        • 143
          Dave T says:

          He is prize c unt and I would happily stab him but I have to say he does have a good tailor.Respect where its due.

          Like

      • 111
        Flying over the Westminster Village says:

        Liebor finish third, means policies presentation and personel exposed as third rate just in time for a complete takeover before May 2015 with Alexander and Balls eradicated.

        The Tories can hardly do this to Dave and Liberals are are dead in the water.

        Like

  22. 59
    Winston says:

    Again, who gives a f**k? The State can now access your bank account if you owe more than £1k in tax. Next, the EU will be introducing a 15% withholding tax on company contracts. It already exists in Belgium. Who is talking about these issues? Not the MSM, not Guido or any of the other LibLabCon stooges.

    Like

    • 60
      Tired of it all says:

      Not UKIP either because they can’t be bothered to turn up for the debates.

      Like

      • 121
        We tell them not to go there says:

        The UKIP membership have repeatedly told our MEP’s that we don’t want them over there discussing the sizes of cabbages. Nothing can be achieved in Brussels. MEP’s are a fig leaf designed to hide the totalitarian nature of the EU.

        Like

      • 135
        Anonymous says:

        We’re not electing them to turn up to the debates.

        Like

  23. 64
    Michael Gove says:

    That ‘oh fuck’ moment when you’re about to squeeze out a massive fart and you realise you are not with people who would understand.

    Like

  24. 71
    Anonymous says:

    gordon brown’s main pseudonym when posting in the channel four news forum was “horace”. he also posted as “torquemada” (mainly pretending to be a teacher guess he has a thing about children). when horace got chopped he changed that character into “humble horace”. when “torquemada” got chopped aka banned he changed that character into “deus ex machina”. lee jasper discovered mc-mong was posting and all hell broke loose. lee posted first as “jester”, then “court jester”, then “poet laureate” (that’s when he tried to pretend he was me with hilarious results. and throw in a northern irish very junior politician called raymac (won’t out him though as he was alright). oh and alistair campbell who posted with the highly original pseudonym “chairman al”.

    complete and utter clusterfuck. bar a few random pages on the wayback machine all of the channel four news forum and indeed all of their forums have completely disappeared. when they went to register status to post it was first using infopop forum software, which changed to eve and then finally groupee… the forums were hosted in seattle and went via washington dc thru a company called markmonitor. i caused somewhat of a headache for gordon when i managed to single handly close down the sean hannity forums by merely alluding that one of their most virulent members (praetorian) was a member of the osmond clan, turned out he was. but he was from salt lake city and he looked like one of them so it wasn’t brain surgery to fuck with his head. gordon aka horace @ outgun dot com (don’t bother it would be an addy long gone) commented that he had the busiest day of his internet life after my little hannity. he never told me who he really was though, but i picked up the fat he was heavy by the amount of special branch action i started to collect. lovely chaps, lots of exotic toys.

    after 7/7 horace sent me a srange email the subject header was “re: tough for some”. i was a few month out of the local mental hotel at the time (told you those specials had lot of sonic toys) and it freaked me right out, what with me having worked at citylink telecom in 2001. (see earlier comment in another of today’s guido blogs for more info on that).

    so in the name of my cousin and uncle and gran and the rest of my family who you’ve fucked and subverted over the last few years you traitorous cnut enjoy getting your head kicked in. i guess there was a reall big reason why you and tony never got into the order of the garter.

    Like

    • 78
      Put up or shut up says:

      Do you have a reference?

      Like

    • 80
      Yankee etc etc says:

      It is spelled ‘through’.

      Like

      • 117
        Liking it says:

        i caused somewhat of a headache for gordon when i managed to single handly close down the sean hannity forums by merely alluding that one of their most virulent members (praetorian) was a member of the osmond clan

        Just out of interest, why would this pose a problem for mad Gordon McMental, king of the land of Nokia?

        Like

    • 144
      (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

      I thought that the reason Blair didn’t get the Garter was because HMQ couldn’t abide the prat (ditto Thatch)!

      Like

  25. 74
    Meanwhile. In another galaxy far far away. says:

    Where is this world called Muslim that Chuka speaks of?

    Like

    • 81
      Mornington Crescent says:

      Oh, absolutely. I mean, what on Earth would we do without them in, say, Woolwich, Rochdale or Bradford?

      Like

    • 82
      UKIP4ME says:

      Where is this “muslim world”

      I hope to Christ it is as far away from us normal people as possible, preferably at the far end of the galaxy and I wish to Christ they would stay there.

      Like

      • 101
        Christ says:

        Look, I’m doing my best, for Me’s sake but will you kindly pop in to Church a bit more often. Free bread’n’wine! That’ll shift ‘em.

        Like

    • 83
      Root Map says:

      It’s on the by-pass between World of Leather and World of Household Rubber Gloves.

      Like

    • 84
      Dangerous Brian says:

      “This world” is in the dangerous minds of far too many people who have “power” and huge ego’s to go with it.

      Like

    • 85
      HRH says:

      What is the Muslim pound?

      Like

      • 97
        JH-2133253141245 says:

        Guantanamo?

        Boom Boom

        Like

      • 103
        don't make me laugh says:

        Which Muslim world are we talking about?
        The one in a Nigerian jungle housing hundreds
        of terrified kidnapped girls who have been forced
        to wear the hijab and recite Muslim prayers?
        Or the Muslim world in rich Arab countries where
        women can’t vote,work,go to school,drive and have
        their genitals mutilated?

        Like

        • 107
          jgm2 says:

          It’s what God would have wanted. Why he didn’t manufacture men with their knobs pre-circumcised and women with their clitoris cut out is a mystery to me. Him being all-knowing, wise and all that but hey-ho.

          Like

        • 126
          thostids says:

          It’s Bradford. Every single one of your special, “equal” treatment of women happens there. The only difference is that there’s another gang of terrorists out in Nigeria actually murdering schoolchildren.

          Like

  26. 86
    CHRIST ON A BIKE! says:

    “classical New Labour hard marketing techniques”

    You mean using their old chums at the BBC news department.
    No change there then!

    Like

  27. 104
    Evan Davis and Scrawny Norman says:

    We just love regurgitating Labour party handouts
    and pretending they’re news. It saves us having
    to behave like proper journalists.

    Like

    • 110
      Andrew Marr, free rides for Labour talking heads says:

      My favourite bit is having Labour politicians come in for a chat on a Sunday morning so that whatever ill-thought through policy or idiot pronouncement they make can be reported, unchallenged by me, as ‘news’ for the rest of the day on the BBC

      Like

  28. 134
    Effing nuffing says:

    Labour would be mad to stick with Miliband. Not sure why he’s been quite so useless. I think part of it is the East European Intellectual Mindset from his background. They need more of a bruiser. I am not sure they’ve got anyone these days.

    Like

  29. 141
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:

    Miliband says he has “more intellectual self-confidence” than Cameron, so there.

    Like


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