May 12th, 2014

WATCH: Ed’s Big Break

Ed has been down the pub for a pint and a game of pool with the Daily Star. After a gruelling battle that went right down to the wire, the Labour leader had the chance to seize victory. And bottled it…

Adding his name to a long list of politicians who have failed at sport:

It also took him an hour to see off his pint…


  1. 1
    A Human says:

    Is this fucking bellend actually a human being, or simply a plastic figurine?

  2. 2
    Ed Marxbot says:

    You see? I’m compwetely normal, jutht like Kim Jong-un.

  3. 3

    Dave the Samaritan!

    Prime Minister David Cameron held the hand of a woman who had collapsed until medical assistance arrived, the London Ambulance Service has said. Mr Cameron was on the campaign trail with London Mayor Boris Johnson in Harrow when they reportedly chanced upon the woman in the street.

    Had it been Blair, he’d have charged a fee to hold her hand. Had it been Brown, he’d have avoided her, as women make him uncomfortable. Had it been Miliband, he’d have called Len McCluskey to ask what he should do.

  4. 4
    Wee Dougie Alexander says:

    I’ll turn this into an award winning PBB video.

    Did he steal any organs?

  5. 5
    Pulp says:

    Smoke some fags and play some pool.
    He’ll never be one of the common people.

  6. 6
    La, la, la says:

    An hour to finish his pint? He’s no Farage, is he?

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Just a Hunt

  8. 8
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    For those of you watching in black and white the blue is behind the pink.

  9. 9
    Sink the Pink says:

    He tries to play a popular game but fails. The story of his life.

    I suspect he’s happier playing medieval war games on a computer.

  10. 10
    Conchita Chipolata (ms) says:

    Gary Barlow has been hankering for being part of the Establishment for years and now they want his money. Still, at least his ‘membership’ should prove enough to guarantee the Establishment follows the tried and tested way of looking after its own.

    Most of us would be looking at prosecutions, possibly even a custodial sentence ,for far smaller amounts of money owed. Prominent Tory donor Gary Barlow gets the thumbs up from the PM.

    This nation is sick and sickening in these matters. Westminster needs a TNT enema.

  11. 11
    The public says:

    He looks like someone afraid to pot the black in case it was somehow racist.

  12. 12
    Ohthisbloodypc says:

    he actually looked quite likeable.

    I wouldn’t vote for him in a million years. But he didn’t come across badly.

    Even though I know he’s a devious little git. The pool stunt didn’t make me think worse of him.

  13. 13
    Ed Moribund says:

    One Hundred And EIGHTY!!!

    Is that right ?

  14. 14
    Rickytshirt says:

    That pint probably made him too pi$sed to cue straight.

  15. 15
    Anonymous says:

  16. 16
    nullbymouth says:

    What a Douchebag.

  17. 17
    Jimmy says:

    I wonder when C4 and the rest of the media will be broadcasting some ‘benefits street’ style shows demonising the super rich tax avoiders like they do with poor welfare scroungers. I won’t hold my breath.

  18. 18
    Anonymous says:

  19. 19
    Ed Balls says:

    21 or you bust you stupid cretin.

  20. 20
    Axelrod watch says:

    Axelrod’s the Hunt. Don’t send Dick-Ed Militwit out to pretend to be ‘one of the boys’. He can’t do PMQs convincingly so how was this supposed to work?

  21. 21
    Agent Provacateur says:

    Wish you would hold it. Anything longer than 8 minutes should do.

  22. 22
    Rick the Roman says:

    Pretty tame for a LibDem.

  23. 23
    jgm2 says:

    No sports fail list would be complete without Boris’ zip-wiring or, the pinnacle, Boris’s football tackle.

    Although Ed Balls diving for a penalty should probably be there too.

    Fake penalty, fake economy.

  24. 24
    Moriarty says:

    Can anyone explain how Barlow’s scam works? You invest £25m in a scheme that posts a loss of £25m then what? pay £26m less (fewer?) in tax, thus making £1m? Then, of course, you have to take into account fees to the accountants. So in the end you are £700,000 richer? And in whose pockets does the original £25m investment go? Any help will be appreciated…

  25. 25
    President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

  26. 26
    Diane Abbot says:

    Only the white ball can be racist, everyone knows that.

  27. 27
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    I’m actually with you on that, young James. Good point, very well made.

  28. 28
    Mongo the Labour voter says:

    Mongo like cat

  29. 29
    David Cameron says:

    I’ve told Gary he’s been a very naughty boy and as a punishment he will have to wait an extra six months for his knighthood

  30. 30
    Squadron Leader Mucktrumpet, SMG, SLR, VD and scar says:

    As a certain NCO of my “acquaintance” once said “He’s the type of limp-wristed wanker who could fall into a barrel of tits and still manage to come up sucking his thumb”

  31. 31
    Have car will travel says:

    Large single women.
    Are there any other sort?

  32. 32
    Sue Denim says:

    Give me £25m and I’ll show you.

  33. 33
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    Fake outrage at PMQ’s, fake party with fake policies.

    Balls is a faking (sic) liability.

  34. 34
    Ed Moribund says:

    I used to be a Rubik’s cube hustler.

    I once won a pack of Skips off a boy in form 4.

  35. 35
    Gary Barlymow says:

    I will only pledge to pay tax if you promise not to let the socialists have it to start any more wars.

  36. 36
    Blade Gunner says:

    Oscar Pistorius is a truly evil man. He tried the waterworks act during his cross-examination, and now he’s getting so desperate, his lawyers have told the court he suffers from anxiety disorder and should be placed under psychiatric supervision. The c-unt is angling to get off the hook by claiming he’s too ill to be tried! He’s doing a Margaret Moran! Just shoot the bastard and be done with it.

  37. 37
    What an unlikely scenario says:

    What were his minders doing?

    The story smells of a set-up for Caring Dave

  38. 38
    C O (Ξ7s1) says:

    Ed hits the cue ball too hard puts too much unnecessary spin on it, from what I could see in the video.

  39. 39
    Anonymous says:

    When you get down to it they are all pink.

  40. 40
    C O (Ξ7s1) says:

    Coincidences like this are incredible.

  41. 41
    brodie says move on says:

    the only show in town is “who has the vision for europe”.
    specsavers says: save it.
    vision express: just wants a move.on.bro.
    someone else is offering eurpe more rope, to hang itself. it is a last ditch effort.
    brofie says, hang on a minute.
    who is diefie. dyefee.diefee?
    has the antichrist lost his feet

  42. 42
    Labour HQ says:

    Hey, that’s a good idea! We’ll put out a new broadcast that shows this was all staged, and then we’ll show Cameron shooting dead some disabled patients.

  43. 43
    brodie says move on says:

    are you credible?
    mr i.n.credible/incredible.

  44. 44
    L says:

    samuel jackson says……are you holly hunter?

  45. 45
    Bullshit says:

    They do demonise the rich on tv Jimmy,most nights of the week.
    Don’t you watch BBC news?
    Banker banker banker bonus banker banker banker etc for the last four fucking years since labour had their mouth removed from the bankers and tax avoiders cock.

  46. 46
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Did he rifle through her handbag with his other hand for the biggest new charity HMRC [Her Maj’s Revenue Charity]?

  47. 47
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Anyone know what it was a pint of?

  48. 48
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    It appears as though he was playing pool [yankee game] – why not billiards … cos Ed and his mates are weally weally good at playing pocket billiards.

  49. 49
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    He was using the Alastair Campbell shot – too much spin, not enough actual skill.

  50. 50
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Excuse me – but the whole of fucking Parliament is a fake.

  51. 51
    Ed Miliband says:

    Hitting balls extremely hard with a stick.I like this game.
    Do you have any where I can use darts?

  52. 52
    W S Gilbert says:

    And there he plays extravagant matches
    In fitless finger-stalls,
    On a cloth untrue
    With a twisted cue
    And elliptical billiard balls.”

  53. 53
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Has Lord Carlile got any connections to Clifford or any of the other pa3..dodo reprebates?

  54. 54
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    A few months ago – Straw was going for this kinda angle – in anticipation of Chilcot … i dare say – don’t forget that.

  55. 55

    Looking at his coordination I would be surprised if the cretin could walk and chew gum at the same time!

  56. 56
    DefeatEd. says:

    Sports is shit!

  57. 57
    Losers vote Labour says:

    Ed is a born loser.

  58. 58
    UKipKrapper says:

    will it be on DVD?

  59. 59
    Vernon says:

    My brother in law, actually had a copper come around his house for non payment of NICs. Took them six months to realize it was their cock-up at Newcastle.

  60. 60
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    Labour more fake than most. Oh and UKRAPS chances in a UK parliamentary election.

  61. 61
    broderick crawford says:



  62. 62
    broderick crawford says:

    “Rocket ” Ed kisses the pink .

  63. 63
    broderick crawford says:

    I just LOVED Blairs ” shot at goal” and Brown s ” backhand smash ”

    About as on target as most of their thirteen year Ground Zero reign .

  64. 64
    B3 says:

    He looks like a sex case.

  65. 65
    broderick crawford says:

    Large single woman for a large single man

    We could bake American cheesecake together and get even larger .

  66. 66
    Man at the Bar. says:

    An hour to sup his pint, f^cking wuss! Did he get a round in?

  67. 67
    Man at the Bar. says:

    Balls would have gone through her pockets.

  68. 68
    Man at the Bar. says:

    I thought London was the tax avoidance capital(no pun) of the world, it’s a massive industry,tell us, how many foreign billioners/ tax avoiders are in residence now? Little bollocks Barlow O.B.E. is a minnow.

  69. 69
    Man at the Bar. says:

    Should get him quite a few votes, if he promises to go round personally and lick them all before the 22nd May.

  70. 70
    Tom Catesby. says:

    They only PRETEND to lose it see!

  71. 71
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Great film.

  72. 72
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Funnily enough, we’ve just sent some asian chap to South Africa to stand trial for having his new wife killed(allegedly) He tried that, too crazy to stand trial routine.

  73. 73
    Sexually assaulted into doing Sports says:


  74. 74
    oh dear says:

    If so I bet he charged it to expenses.

  75. 75
    Robbie says:

    Did he not learn anything at Uni? Not even how to play pool?

  76. 76
    newly retired says:

    If he is spending his own money, he is at least being prudent. It is not a HoC subsidised pint

  77. 77
    newly retired says:

    I blame the table for sloping to the hard left

  78. 78
    Jesus says:

    Did I just see Ed Balls skipping like a mong?

  79. 79
    Tim Yeo-Yo says:

    T says twat.

    U r one.

  80. 80
    Eagle-Eye'd Action Man wiv the swivelly eyes and all that says:

    Well spotted. His security would be First Aid Trained (either Coppers or ex-Squaddies)…If the Public are cynical about Politicians, they have a right to be…Mind you, the ‘Holding the Hand Resuscitation Technique’ is the hardest to master…

  81. 81
    Guardian Pollster and just generally tellin' the truth most of the time says:

    You didn’t say “simple Simon says 21!” I win!

  82. 82
    Gordon 'Blimey' Brown says:

    I’ve lost nearly £30 Million in one year running a Hot Dog Stand, does that help?

  83. 83
    The Mikado's Snickersnee says:

    Our object all sublime
    we shall achieve in time
    to make the punishment fit the crime…

    and get all these lying cheating troughing MPs off the Parliamentary Train and……

    …. on to a little list which I have….

  84. 84
    John Bellingham says:

    You have to understand that SA prisons are real hell-holes; basically all run by black tsotsi rapists who will gang-bang any whitey to bits. The establishment know this and one way to avoid throwing whitey into the pits of Sodom is easy bail, then go through the criminal procedure act with a fine tooth comb and then to play the loony card. Black criminals on the other hand, except for government officials, are left to rot–which is no more than they deserve for being born non-White after all.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    “Ed has been down the pub for a pint and a game of pool with the Daily Star.”
    A game of snooker was presumably out of the question. Due to a danger of references in the following day’s paper, to Inoff the Red.

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Alan Milburn says Labour’s scaremongering campaign for an unreformed NHS will not win election…

“It would be a fatal mistake, in my view, for Labour to go into this election looking as though it is the party that would better resource the National Health Service but not necessarily put its foot to the floor when it comes to reforming. Look, reforms are not easy, but the Labour Party is not a conservative party. It should be about moving things forward not preserving them in aspic. You have got a pale imitation actually of the 1992 general election campaign, and maybe it will have the same outcome. I don’t know.”

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