May 12th, 2014

Tories Beat UKIP to First Place in Guardian/ICM Euros Poll

Tonight’s Guardian/ICM poll has the Tories in first place for the Euros on 27%, ahead of UKIP on 26%. Labour drop to third on 24%. In their state of the parties poll the Tories are also in first, this time two points clear of Labour, on 33% and 31% respectively. Things get even worse for Miliband in the leadership poll, he has a worse approval rating than Clegg:

UKIP will say this is an outlier for the Euros, though Labour will struggle for an excuse given the Ashcroft polling earlier. If it rings true it is devastating for both parties…


  1. 1
    Load of shite says:

    Guardian……don’t care to even consider it as worthwhile


    • 14
      Dougie says:

      Rather worrying that The Guardian doesn’t know how to spell the Chancellor’s name correctly.

      Liked by 3 people

    • 59
      Forrestor's market research says !p!on the side says:

      things happen suddenly.
      remove the plural.

      should steve jobs have been renamed (steve job)

      and Bill gates (Bill Gate). Hence, there is an entry fee.

      whatif the c@unt hole, the bum hole and human mouthbgot sealed…and if the human skin became supersot would we be able to transmit a million volt charge, like BIBA.

      look mum, no sweat glands.


    • 105
      Cameron's other brane sel says:

      27% + 26% = 53%

      if only I hadn’t split the right. Am I a tit or wot?


      • 107
        jgm2 says:

        UKIP are not just ‘the right’ Otherwise Labour would be on more than 28%. More to the point – if UKIP voters are, at heart, natural born Tories then Dave would have polled 53% in 2010.

        UKIP are getting votes from all over the shop..


        • 175
          Anonymous says:

          This is the Guardian’s way of getting back the Labour supporters. Tell the left that the tories are beating UKIP and those who were intending to give UKIP a chance will scuttle back to their socialist masters.


      • 218
        broderick crawford says:

        You may be a twit . You are possibly a twot .

        But in all probability you reach the highest pinnacle of foolishness
        …A TWAT !


    • 201
      The Growler says:

      Of course this is from the Guardian and Fawkesy doesn’t believe a word of it does he? Only when it suits him!


  2. 2
  3. 3
    UKIP slip or elite cheat? says:

    You’re positively salivating Guido…but save that for after the election.


  4. 4
    Podiceps says:

    George Osborne, Ozzy Osbourne. Write out 100 times, and no copying and pasting.


    • 23
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      They both have big fucking mouths what’s the difference?


      • 200
        KAOS says:

        One is allagedly no stranger to substances. Don’t know about Ozzy!


        • 219
          broderick crawford says:

          I cannot for the life of me see how LibDems could be polling 15 percent on the National Election.

          Who still brings themselves to vote for these ineffectual chancers , jailbirds and overall losers !


      • 202
        The Growler says:

        They both seem to have been in places where there has been “snow” on the table


  5. 5
    Shooty* says:

    Something stinks.

    If this was valid, surely the Graun would just ignore it, and quietly tut at the uneducated plebs who don’t even know that the correct term of address for an austrian man who enjoys dressing as a woman is “she”, because “she” wants to be a “she”, and you can’t oppress her, so how are they expected to know what’s good for them?


  6. 6
    Desperate Dan says:

    That’s what actual real people say. Once all the bogus postal votes have been counted Labour will be way out n front.


    • 230
      Tom Catesby. says:

      Still makes me wonder, slightly, why this present gov’t has done nothing about the postal voting scam, which favours labour.


  7. 7
    edukashun, edyoukayshon, order-order says:


    ‘he has an worse approval rating than Clegg’

    Is the Intern from the EU?


  8. 8

    Look at ICM’s previous suggestions back in 2009….

    ICM Poll 28th May 2009:

    Unconservatives on 29%
    Labour on 17%
    Ukip on 10%

    ACTUAL results on the 4th June 2009:

    Unconservatives on 27.7%
    Ukip 16.5%
    Labour 15.5 %,_2009_%28United_Kingdom%29#Opinion_polls

    VOTE UKIP!!!!!!!!


  9. 9
    Ed Sillyfangs says:

    Ive conducted my own poll, and discovered the British people endorse my vision of a Socialist Republic so there.


  10. 10
    who's kidding who. says:

    There’s only one poll to worry about and that’s on Thursday the 22nd, about 10 days to go, everything else is throwing the runes to see where they land .


  11. 11
    A Lib Dem MEP says:

    Polls are only any use, when a young libdem filly is dancing around one.


    • 19
      Lard Everard says:



    • 24
      R Sole (UKIP) says:

      Poles? We use them to deliver our campaign leaflets too. Much cheaper than British workers!


      • 48
        Even bigger butthole (Labour/Marxist) says:

        LOL @ the Huffington Post. So R Sole, are you saying that UKIP should break the present Law and ask the firm if it hires Eastern Europeans first? Then if they do, refuse them the work? Have you hear yourself? The story is mute and made-up BS Socialist crap. Also, Mr Sole, do you think that ALL Eastern Europeans like the EU? I know quite a few who don’t! ;)


      • 220
        Neocon is a stupid word. says:

        The EU socialist leftards have changed into the bee an pea. .
        Now they say that UKIP shouldn’t employ Eastern Europeans. That’s leftard racism.
        Now the spoilt white children shout abuse at ethnic UKIP members. That’s leftard racism.


  12. 12
    President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

    This world that we have created, are we sure that it is what we want ?
    We can do with the world what we want as it belongs to us but we must be certain that we know what we are doing.


    • 21
      President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

      for example here’s an idea, we could probably raise enough money globally to buy Australia and then we could put all the Islamics there, where we could keep an eye on them and they wouldn’t cause any bother.


      • 32
        jgm2 says:

        We could raise enough money to buy Kerguelen and put the fuckers there. And you wouldn’t need to watch them either because they’d all be dead in a week.


        • 53
          President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

          I’m not sure that the liberal elite types understand the militaristic mentality. I’m more on the creative side myself but I think I understand that if there is a problem with a resource if we can we will just take it and presumably the same applies if some army of fuckwits is kicking off then they can be put somewhere else.


          • President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

            a bloke that I worked with (English) told me a story that he was in charge of some tanks that were rolling into Berlin and met some Russian tanks coming the other way. was kind of.
            Russian “move away, do not impede our progress into Berlin”
            English “Er, sorry, can’t do that, could you go back please “?


        • 68
          Labour the party that doesn't work. says:

          What about Chernobyl as a suitable site to acquire – help ourselves and help out Russia.


      • 85
        Soylent Green is people! says:

        Why spend money to put them in Oz, they should stay in their own fucking countries and they can fuck as many goats and eat as many eyeballs as they fucking like … and while we’re at it, the ones here can fuck off back there.


        • 228
          Dave T says:

          Finally,the voice of reason.send the dirty ,raghead,sponging, peado,arsewipes back to shitistan.


      • 206
        (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

        Can we put that fucker who’s always scratching his balls on the telly from Feet-up-pat-him-on-the-Boko Haram there first?


  13. 13
    Diane Abbot says:

    W A C I S T


  14. 15
    Winning for Britain says:

    George Osborne is winning for Britain.


    • 26
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      No he is not – he is just glad-handing that he’s the chancellor at present – when in reality – the corrupt of the left and the right have had to watch their fucking arses for the past few years and a recovery has happened.


      • 35
        jgm2 says:

        Do you even know what ‘glad-handing’ means?

        It’s another Fluoride 235 moment.


        • 41
          EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

          Let it go – it’s really seems to be eating you up – while allowing me the last laugh. i used to enjoy better trolls on here 2-3 years ago – they were quite good at times.


      • 113
        Anonymous says:

        A recovery?

        I think I missed it.

        Please forgive me as I am Northern.

        Let me know of developments please.

        p.s. Don’t tell the Scottish of this.


    • 132

      George is winning for George.

      Britain has a spiralling national debt to repay which master Osborne is blowing on the state and overseas vanity spending.


      • 214
        Just saying says:

        One interesting finding from Lord Ashcroft’s latest poll;

        “Two thirds of voters think either that the economy is not yet recovering from the recession (21 per cent) or, more likely, that it is recovering but they have yet to feel any benefit (46 per cent – including a majority of Labour and UKIP voters). Only 12 per cent say “the economy is recovering from the recession and I am feeling better off as a result”.


  15. 16
    WTF is the "Like this" shite? says:

    Oh dear….oh dear dear me. Wot a shame

    * forces knuckles into mouth to stop laughter*

    but after the unions forced Milliband Ed into the top spot its was always doomed.


  16. 17
    WTF is the "Like this" shite? says:

    This is a sad pathetic attempt by the right to fix the polls in their favour. I mean what do you expect from the loony left guardian ?

    Oh? Wait a minute….!


  17. 20
    Anonymous says:

    Left leaning poll. Labour is still too high.


  18. 22
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:


  19. 25
    Great British Public says:


    • 31
      EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

      It’th anti-themithck it ith it ith it ith – you bathtardth.


      • 143
        Another golden oldie... says:

        Yup – and that Amanpour woman is one of the finest shit-stirrers on the planet. A real CCN masterwork.


  20. 27
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:



    • 187
      JH-2133253141245 says:

      YouGov/Sun ‘only’ gives? As if they are obliged to give more for the natural order of things to be maintained?

      Smithson’s Labour leanings do get a bit tiresome on a site that is supposedly about people putting their money where their mouth is.


    • 211
      Persona non grata says:

      Has anyone noticed that although UKIP are consistently polling higher than the Fib’s, they are always placed last. I’m not sure if this is an alphabetical thing, or a tactic to imply Fibs are really ahead , despite polling figures that say different.


  21. 28
    Fruitcake and swivel eyed loony loving the panic and utter desperation says:

    Yagroovy poll for the Euro elections commissioned by UKIP:

    Con 3%
    Lab 2%
    Lib 0.5%
    Others 1%
    UKIP 93.5%

    Sample : 10 blokes in a some pub in Maidstone at half eleven last Friday night.

    Sorry Guardianistas, try again.

    Vote UKIP, get UKIP.


    • 38
      Inconvenient Truth-Only time will tell says:

      +1,001.6%! and just remember these stats. Wait until after the Election and KNOW which schmucks are lying through their back teeth. We shall see. As far as I’m concerned the Guardian and the Sun have put their reputations on the line. If you ain’t honest, you’ve no place in the Press. :)


    • 137
      Socialist Mathermaicks, Innit says:

      Ridiculous. You’ve widly overestimated the Liberal Democrat’s support. And where are the Greens? They’re polling twice as well as the yellows!


  22. 30
    Ed Sillyband says:

    Labour will give everyone a free pony and a £50 cashback. Plus everyone on benefits will get Sky Sports for free.


  23. 33
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    i want all three party leaders to ‘come out’ publicly and condemn communism and marxism – for all of its evils.


  24. 34
    Statistically I'm 100% Correct some of the time says:

    It’s funny how none of this has been borne out in any of the Council Elections…..Just saying, but people vote UKIP for a reason. What’s changed over the last 6 months for people to have changed their minds?


  25. 39
    BBC says vote Weirdo says:

    BBC just broadcast a party political for Labour masquerading as a news item and plugging Weird Ed’s real PPB in which Ed seems to have done a shift at a hospital. So how many nurse got sniffed, BBC?


    • 42
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      How many nurses got sniffed?, things are worse than I thought.


    • 43
      The British media are cunts says:

      Did they show Nick Robinson calling Gordon Brown heroic again?


      • 47
        jgm2 says:

        I seriously hope Robinson was being ironic.

        The ‘hero’ who fucked the economy and then sabotaged the wreckage. Like the IRA used to do when they’d shoot a soldier and then booby trap the body.

        What a c*unt.


        • 54
          The British media are cunts says:

          I think Robinson suffered mental damage having his nose pressed up Brown’s rectum all those years.


          • Another golden oldie... says:

            Then perhaps he should pop along to his GP who Milipede has just said he can do within 48 hours (after he wins the next election).

            Should that come to pass, expect a mass NHS exodus of GPs to the private sector. Why is Milipede so fucking stupid? I rally am worried about him. Don’t let him anywhere near the toy box…


          • Try to keep up says:

            GP’s are already in the private sector: they always have been.

            They are independent small (now not so small) businesses paid huge amounts of public money.


      • 233
        Tom Catesby. says:

        Didn’t he say ‘psychotic’?


  26. 40
    jgm2 says:

    Out of curiosity what poll rating has Invisible Ned Balls?

    If you’re going to do a poll rating for the chancellor then surely you should do one for the shadow chancellor.


  27. 46
    Losers vote Labour says:

    This poll isn’t disastrous for UKIP, but it’s definitely disastrous for Labour.

    UKIP is regularly polling 1st or 2nd, and way higher than previous elections.

    It’s Labour with all their MPs and infrastructure, and establishment backing who have the weight of expectation of being a government in waiting upon them.
    They’ll be looking for new leaders already


    • 49
      David Miliband (no, the other one) says:

      I don’t think they’ll need to look for a new leader for long.

      My coronation is certain.


      • 50
        The BBC says:

        Oh we certainly hope so David! We do hope you appreciated our attempts to make out that you are a giant of British politics, and when you fucked off to New York to make lots of lovely money it was an enormous loss to our national life.


        • 147
          Since you asked... says:

          … the giant of British politics who, when trying to impress him, was told to effoff home by the Russian Foreign Minister. Oooh the humiliation…


      • 51
        RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

        I want you at my side. Fratricide.


    • 67
      Hansard writer says:

      New leaders ?


      The shower of dribbling shyte on the Labour front bench is too much even to look at

      Let alone listen to


    • 138
      Socialist Mathermaicks, Innit says:

      Strange that the Tories should suddenly leap frog both Labour and UKIP to first place. Something’s not right with this picture…


  28. 52
    Jeffrey Bernard says:

    Milibandwagon is a true cnut and it is just possible that the British public have started to smell the coffee.


    • 65
      JH-2133253141245 says:

      Just wait until we are two months out from the general election, and the real media maelstrom starts. Miliband and Balls will be like deer in a hunter’s lamp.

      Even the BBC are dropping the soft-soap-for-Labour routine. They know their favoured party are probably fucked, there’ll be no Champers bottles lining the corridors this time and there is no longer any point bigging up the weapons-grade twats who were supposed to meander back into power to protect their ikkle meeja sinecures.

      They are all going down together.


      • 78
        Labour the party that doesn't work. says:

        The BBC couldn’t resist twisting the news tonight – quelle surprise – saying that Gary Barlow was the friend of PM Cameron – hint, hint, nudge, wink, – etc., etc., this Labour publicity machine aka BBC just can’t help themselves can they.

        Anything they can they seize on to try and smear the Conservatives, and UKIP, whilst promoting Wallace Millliband and Twelvety Balls.


      • 146
        Since you asked... says:

        All the more reason to shut this fucking organisation down lock, stock and barrel.


  29. 55
    The British media are cunts says:

    Even at 32 or 33 percent Labour will still win the next election. The Tories need over 40 percent making it almost impossible. The Tories have had 5 years to sort out the boundaries and the rigged postal voting and they have done fuck all about it.


    • 57
      The Wibbererwal Demowcwats says:

      We know!


      • 76
        Poll of Poles says:


        • 106
          A Patriot says:

          Those bastards should not be voting for UK MEP’s.

          Until their shitty little country starts offering jobs to UK workers, they had better remember they are on borrowed time here.


        • 208
          (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

          Don’t have a problem with the Poles, me. It’s the clit-cutters and mud-hut merchants who get up my nose!


          • Tom Catesby. says:

            Unfortunately, votes are votes and it’s in the best interests of these foreign workers to vote for conlibliebore on Thursday 22nd. You have been warned, vote now to make a change before we native British are outbred and outvoted. A dispised minority in what was once our own land.


    • 62
      jgm2 says:

      They tried to do something about it but the Liberals invented a reason not to let them. The Liberals insisted on an elected (PR) House of Lords as the price for re-jigging the boundaries.

      So short-sighted were the Liberals that they did not see the constitutional crisis this would (inevitably) cause. Let’s suppose you elect the house of Lords by proportional representation. They could (and would – if not today then 20, 30, 50 years down the line) claim that actually they were more representative of the British people. And they’d have a point.

      Proper constitutional crisis. Civil war stuff.


      • 164
        What a fucking bellend says:

        Brilliant contribution.

        Everyone knows that no mature democracies have elected second chambers.


    • 139
      Socialist Mathermaicks, Innit says:

      At least they’ve cut the national debt from about £700 billion in 2010 to a projected £1.4 trillion in 2015. That’s a 50% reduction, if you work backwards.


    • 234
      Tom Catesby. says:

      Don’t forget the Scotland factor, if wee jock f^cks off in September, the proverbial will fly off the fan for Milli and co in 2015.


  30. 56
    BBC red bottom says:

    Tory 1st
    UKIP 2nd

    We spent 3 billion pounds a year promoting labour and this is the result?
    We need to increase the licence fee to 4 billion as a matter of urgency and get these voters converted.


  31. 60
    Labour voter says:

    It’s Axelgrease wot did us in

    We should set fire to him symbolically in front of the American Embassy

    And then rendition him to Moscow for final treatment


  32. 61
    Ed Moribund says:

    This can’t be?
    It can’t!

    I’ve pointed out lots of things on shelves and told people that some of these things are more expensive now than they were in 2010.

    As leader, What more could I possibly do to convince the public?


    • 63
      Ed Moribund says:

      And you can imagine what Dan Hodges is going to say about me tomorrow.
      Nothing very nice at all.

      He can be quite an unpleasant person when he wants to.


  33. 64
    Gunnery Sergeant Hartman says:

    Who’s the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just preferred Cameron to Farage?


  34. 69
    Dan Hodges says:

    I should be leader of the Labour Party

    My mummy agrees


    • 70
      C O (Ξ7s1) says:

      But what does your cat have to say on the matter ?


      • 104
        Hodges Pussy says:

        Anyone who disagrees with my Dan is WAYCIST, EUracist, Sexist, Xenophobic, Homophobic and I’ll set the HnH & UAF brownshirts on them.


    • 72
      Editor of Vague glossy rag says:

      I agree

      You are so photogenic that you could even have won the Eurovision song contest if you had worn a skirt (over your head)


  35. 71
    jgm2 says:

    Told you. By August of next year Yvette Cooper will be opposition leader. Either that or Nigel Farage.


  36. 73
    F##k the LibLabCon says:

    I blame the cost of living crisis.


    • 75
      David Minibanana says:



      • 92
        Fishy says:

        I see that Burnham is there hanging on…is he doing a shift in the mortuary?


        • 96
          jgm2 says:

          Is that Yvette Cooper, the next opposition leader, dressed as the angel of death in the back-ground?


          • Fishy says:

            There’s a story from a year or so ago that one of the Balls kids said to a guest at one of Odd Balls lasagne evenings, ‘Mummy was going to be Prime Minister.’


          • A doctor writes. says:

            Are they all queueing in the euthanasia dep’t.


      • 110
        JH-2133253141245 says:

        Christ. If I walked into a chippy with this lot in charge I would be worried that the job at hand was beyond them.

        But forget the chippy – they want to run the country. They actually think people should express a preference for them to do so.

        Ed looks like he is about to lunge over the counter like some sort of mentalist.


        • 123
          Anonymous says:

          Perhaps he’s sniffing someone’s scent? À la Hannibal Lecter to Clarice Starling…

          Ed…’A census taker once tried to test me…’


        • 151
          Since you asked... says:

          Anybody else notice how studiously everyone else in the room is ignoring him?


          • Anonymous says:

            He’s just asked how the opinion polls are doing – and has been told:
            “computer says no”.


      • 237
        Tom Catesby. says:

        Are the end of their ties, tied round their dicks?


  37. 74
    Fuck the lotta ya says:


  38. 79
    Ed Moribund says:

    I just don’t understand this at all.

    We polled people and asked if they want cheaper bills and lower prices and a more equal, cuddly society, with rich bankers paying 100% tax and ordinary people not paying any tax and they say ” yay. Great ideas Ed”

    But then they don’t vote for me?

    It’s almost as if they like what I suggest but don’t believe for a moment that I would really do what I keep promising.


    • 101
      Miles Axelrod says:

      Don’t worry buddy. It’s just an interface alignment paradigm swirl reconflexsion entrnchmation format by wise.

      You dig?

      Listen pal, don’t let my fancy words bamboozle you too much. Just gimme another £300,000 of your Limey pounds and I will sort all this polling fraternity alignment usfrenchmarth out for you. Okay?

      You are sure are one lucky guyI got here when I did or you would be in a whole Bakersfield of trouble.


  39. 82
    Lard Everard says:


  40. 83
    Anonymous says:

    Is Guido’s relentless plugging of the Tory party becoming tiresome?

    Y/N ?


  41. 88
    Bus pass Elvis says:

    In the name of peace, and to end anymore embarrassment, I offer the Lib Dems an alliance to ensure they have at least 1 MP after the election.


  42. 90
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:


    • 98
      Derry Cocksporn (LibDem) says:

      I’m in too.


    • 100
      jgm2 says:

      Lazy c*unt. Isn’t he supposed to be picking litter as part of his community service?


  43. 93
    jgm2 says:

    Ed Miliband will have cried himself to sleep by now.

    God knows where Ed Balls is. Probably locked in the garage with the c*ar engine running.


    • 95
      F##k the LibLabCon says:

      One can live in hope.


    • 126
      A vile, lying, cheating, paranoid two-faced economic illiterate with a weird jaw tic says:

      I’m sedated in the padded room – just been taken to the toilet then back to my mattress on the floor.


  44. 94
    Yahoo Answers says:

    Question: ” Do Boots Sleepeez tablets have any long-term side effects?”


    Absolutely … you will cause tooth damage to the same effect as “Meth-mouth”. Believe me since I was a child I have suffered from severe sleep disorders (parasomnias & various dissomnias). In my case, it is too late – I was involved in the public mental health system … I was tortured by some very, very, very evil people. I must help those out there who may at this moment in time – be a victim of torture. Without proper sleep – a casual observation may lead to the wrong diagnosis of psychosis.

    Unfortunately, I ended up physically disabled because of the medications I was on at the time … and most importantly the law enforcement in my area refused to do their job of enforcing violations of the noise ordinance (disturbing the peace) – I unfortunately was in a mobile home … the neighbor next to me had 3 dogs … they may have been used for fighting … extremely hostile and aggressive. Anyway, my bed was approximately 10 feet from these dogs. The police did NOTHING when they were called … over 5 times. These dogs would bark as late as 2 am and as early as 3:59 am. Due to this stimuli and the fact I believe I would qualify as having Sensory Overload Syndrome (part of the “Autism” spectrum)
    … I had no choice but to take humongous quantities of Diphenhydramine … it really didn’t help me at all … I have about $10,000 worth of damage to my teeth and now I am crippled. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture … many governments (ours included) use this devious device..

    Try a GABA Agonist such as Ambien. Lunesta tastes like you are sucking on a watch battery (ugggh). Had I been given this medication (Ambien … which has been around for since 1993 – I believe) my chemical imbalance/sleep disorders may have been greatly improved. Anti-histamines are not sleep medications … it just so happens that one of the side effects of anti-histamines is tiredness … if your doctor is going to make you take anti-histamines … try Atarax … not as drying as Diphenhydramine and has more of a hypnotic effect. But, again I would try one of the latest GABA agonists instead.

    – I was born premature (8 instead of 9 months), almost killed my mother and I was put in an incubator. My birth weight was 10 lbs 2 oz, I was 23″ long. My mother had developed diabetes while carrying me and later had many health problems due to me (gallbladder removal, hysterectomy these two operations leading to pelvic adhesions & later in life full blown diabetes).

    – For a 32 week year old baby I am off the charts as far as weight goes for a preemie.

    BIG BABY SYNDROME – Is sometimes used synonymously with Large For Gestational Age, or is otherwise defined as a fetus that weighs above 4000 grams (8 lb 13 oz) or 4500 grams (9 lb 15 oz) regardless of gestational age.

    – Deviated septum operation (1985) – May be responsible for some of my sleep disorders. Not sure if this operation helped?

    – Mother believes I had delayed speech (took me until 2-½ years old to “speak well”), I was very quiet, sensitive & moody.

    – Have had horrendous sleep problems since birth:

    JACTATIO CAPITIS NOCTURNA – Swinging or banging of the head before or during sleep, or in the phase between these two states.

    PAVOR NOCTURNUS (Night Terror) – A night terror, also known as pavor nocturnus, is a parasomnia sleep disorder characterized by extreme terror and a temporary inability to regain full consciousness. The subject wakes abruptly from the fourth stage of sleep, with waking usually accompanied by gasping, moaning, or screaming. It is often impossible to fully awaken the person, and after the episode the subject normally settles back to sleep without waking. A night terror can occasionally be recalled by the subject. They typically occur during non-REM sleep. … I had tape recorded myself – which proved these occurred … I did remember (often in fairly vague terms) some of them. Unfortunately incompetent psychiatrists told me it is “impossible” to remember these.

    Unlike nightmares, which are frequently a scary event dream (e.g. a monster under the bed, falling to one’s death, etc.), night terrors are not dreams. Usually there is no situation or event (scary or otherwise) that is dreamt, but rather the emotion of fear itself is felt. Often, this is coupled with tension and apprehension without any distinct sounds or visual imagery, although sometimes a vague object of fear is identified by the sufferer. These emotions, generally without a focusing event or scenario, increase emotions in a cumulative effect. The lack of a dream itself leaves those awakened from a night terror in a state of disorientation much more severe than that caused by a normal nightmare. This can include a short period of amnesia during which the subject may be unable to recall his name, location, age, or any other identifying features of himself. This state generally passes after only one or two minutes.

    PARASOMNIAS – Is any sleep disorder such as sleepwalking, sleepeating, sleep sex, teeth grinding, night terrors, rhythmic movement disorder, REM behavior disorder, restless leg syndrome, and somniloquy (or sleep talking), characterized by partial arousals during sleep or during transitions between wakefulness and sleep. Parasomnias are often associated with stress and depression, and biological factors may also be involved. Many parasomnias are more common in children than in adults.

    – Had extreme sleepwalking (including moving furniture), bruxism (teeth grinding), absolutely phenomenal night terrors.

    SLEEP APNEA – Had caught myself doing “snorts” a few time. Obvious this disorder is a little harder to be aware of.

    SOMNILOQUY (Sleep-talking) – A parasomnia that refers to talking aloud in one’s sleep. It can be quite loud, ranging from simple sounds to long speeches, and can occur many times during sleep. Listeners may or may not be able to understand what the person is saying. (I had tape recorded myself and heard my babbling myself.)

    … Obviously by me taking all the “schizophrenic” drugs – my sleep problems were magnified ten-fold. Sleep deprivation is known to cause hallucinations and such. I had to take the anti-dopamine drugs to prove to my father (predominantly) that I’m not truly a schizophrenic. I had figured whenever I could go live in a log cabin or similar place – true sleep disorders would manifest. The 6 years of imprisonment and lack of police enforcement is what lead to my damaged knee cartilage. I never really thought I’d be alive at this point in time.”
    1 Comment Sleep well.


  45. 99
    WTF is the "Like this" shite? says:

    Toilets McGuire getting ripped an absolute new one on sky news paper review

    Tee hee


    • 103
      The British media are cunts says:

      Toilets likes getting one ripped I hear.


      • 125
        Anonymous says:

        suit yourself. quite possibly one of the reasons why gordon brown was such a fuck up when in government was because of his penchant for spending most of the day posting on the channel four news forum. i shan’t reveal the pseudonyms he used just yet, but you know… “stay tuned”.


  46. 111
    Steve Right says:

    It’s an outlier. The Tories will come third in the Euro elections. There is no reason to vote for them in it.


  47. 115
    Nigel Mirage says:

    Ukip’s lazy MEPs miss crucial votes that would help Britons


    • 117
      who's kidding who. says:

      What’s up Murdoch, got peoples voting intentions wrong and is worried he may end up like the rest of the establishment losers.


      • 119
        Rogered Helmet says:


      • 128
        C O (Ξ7s1) says:

        Not M’urdoch, but D’anny F’inkelstein may have a hand in this latest smear.

        What they can’t say in the story is that the number of UKIP MEPs is less than that of the Conservatives, Labour and Lib Dems as individual parties.

        Even if you suspend disbelief that the LibLabCon have a right and proper voting record in the European Parliament, that they have failed to deliver on reform and a better deal for Britain demonstrates just how ineffective they and the UK MEP votes have been in that Parliament to that end.

        The numbers are as follow:

        Party     |#MEPs | Group | %/group
        Lib       |  12  |  ALDE | 16.4%
        Lab       |  13  |   S&D | 17.8% 
        Con       |  27  |   ECR | 39.7%
        Green     |   5  | Green |  6.9%
        Sinn Fein |   1  |   GUE |  1.4%
        NI        |   5  |  ---- | ----
        UKIP      |  10  |   EFD | 13.7%

        NB: The ECR (Europe Conservative Reformists) group also includes Ulster Unionists. The Greens group include SNP / PC. NI are non-aligned MEPs.

        Voting groups as %’age of European Parliament:

        Group   | % Euro Parliament - 2009-2014
        EPP     |      36.0%
        S&D     |      24.6%
        ALDE    |      11.1%
        GREENS  |       7.7%
        ECR     |       7.5%
        EFD     |       4.6%
        GUE     |       4.5%
        NI      |       4.1%

        NB: NI are non-aligned – they do not vote as a bloc.

        UK has no MEPs aligned in the dominant EPP.

        Conservatives have biggest influence in a group – the ECR. They have failed to secure reform.

        The Green’s group has more influence than either EFD or ECR at the moment.

        Lib Lab have a minor representation in two larger groups, but have apparently also failed to secure anything good for the UK.

        The question should not be about UKIP on this issue, but just what have the Greens and LibLabCon done for Britain in Europe the past 5 years.

        The answer to that is very clear to many, which is why many are now talking about UKIP.


        • 148
          non taxable pikey says:

          The EU Parliament is in no way democratic, it is just a device to rubber stamp decisions made by the unelected Commissioners and bureaucrats, and to ensure that the gravy train keeps rolling, and that we plebs keep paying for it.


          • C O (Ξ7s1) says:

            Agreed – but pointing out the numbers of those who hold rubber stamps show that the stamps are stacked against the UK interest.

            Most of those stamps are held by LibLabCon MEPs and those stamps have comprehensively failed to deliver for the UK.

            When LibLabCon attack UKIP in this way, pointing the facts out is illuminating.

            Simply stating the other fact about the EU Parliament as being what it is breeds apathy. It is better for folk to know the full picture, vote UKIP and then vote UKIP in a general election where they can make a real difference.


    • 184
      Village Idiot says:

      ….If UKIP MEP,s are lazy,or not doing the EU,s bidding,then good,that is why we vote UKIP,not to support the wretched,undemocratic EU,but to shine a light on the costly stupidity of the EU,and,where possible,to treat the organisation with the contempt it deserves!…Keep being “Lazy” kippers!


  48. 118
    'Gypsy' Dave Cooper says:

    These ‘like stars’ and ghost avatars are bloody rubbish. It ruins the whole flow of the comments and just looks shite.


    • 121
      Effing nuffing says:

      Yes, but it’s very MSM isn’t it dahling…


    • 131
      Podiceps says:

      The avatars do at least allow you to authenticate your moniker, quite useful for those afflicted by sockpuppets. Since Guido’s experiment years ago where commenters had to log in, I own my original name Tachybaptus in the Gravatar system — see 128 and 129 below. The sockpuppet can’t produce the image if he uses the name. Thinking of going back to it for that reason. I can’t use Podiceps in this way because it’s already in use by someone else.

      But if you value your moniker, best hurry to Gravatar to register it before some idiot gets in first.


  49. 120
    Effing nuffing says:

    I find it difficult to believe these polls. We may be seeing the old “I won’t admit I’m voting UKIP because that would be to admit I’m racist, given all the recent publicity” effect.

    But if true, I can only reflect that the French named it “the English disease” – masochism, a frenzied and all-consuming delight in being whipped and humiliated.

    Maybe we have here an outbreak of mass masochism by we English: a desire to see your own earnings reducing in value year by year while bankers and brokers, rentiers and rip-off merchants get steadily wealthier each twelve-month; a desire to see your children reduced to penury trying to afford decent housing; a desire to see your country become a plaything in the hands of corrupt billionaires from overseas and a prime destination for just about the whole globe; a deisre to see the population of this narrow island reach 80 million and then a 100 million; and finally a desire to be told it is illegal to criticise a barbaric religion that is plotting to take over your country.

    Either that or the dementia generation have finally taken over.


  50. 129
    Tachybaptus says:

    Just testing. (And it is the original user of this moniker, not the sockpuppet.)


    • 130
      Tachybaptus says:

      Hmm, yes, it’s the same system Guido used years ago when we all had to log in. That’s why it brought up this picture.


      • 134
        Ockham's Razor says:

        I came to the same conclusion, Tachy. It does appear to lead to a requirement to identify with something unique, like an email. Solves the sockpuppet problem but introduces others which might be even worse.

        Something I was quite happy to do four years ago. Not so sure now, given the level of snooping that has become apparent. Then compare with that article today when Birmingham students have been outrageously hounded merely for identifying with UKIP and it could be the end of the road for some, especially if they live in socialist shitholes.


        • 135
          Tachybaptus says:

          I’m not worried about security here, since the identity and email address I use for Tachybaptus are not in my own name. Perhaps I should be. But if you want to say something really dangerous, there is always the alternative of Tor and a temporary moniker, which still works — though it may not as the iron curtain descends further.


          • Ockham's Razor says:

            My rule is that I never say, even under the cloak of anonymity, what I do not believe to be case (irony and such forms excepted, naturally.)

            The problem is that we have arbitrarily-set normative standards thrust upon us which then limit our ability to state what we hold to be the case.

            These can even acquire the force of law. Once the law controls thought and the honest expression of it, we are lost. It reaches the point where my wish to remain a law-abiding citizen is stretched to its natural breaking point. When it comes to truth vs. law, the former should always prevail IMO.

            Your words Perhaps I should be perhaps mitigate in the same direction.

            I have never used Tor thus far (not because of any idealistic reason) and hope I never feel compelled to. But the whole world of expression is being pushed further and further towards it becoming one’s only safe route.


          • C O (Ξ7s1) says:

            TOR may be a false security – a number of the proxies are compromised. General proxies would be safer: Less are compromised.

            The TOR network is monitored by law enforcement, however, they are only interested in things which are way beyond what you may perceive as being ‘of interest’.

            Better to just keep within the law and publish / be damned: At present, comment on certain trials and police investigations should be treated with extreme caution.

            Two examples which are questionable applications of the law of late:

            i) The UKIP T’weeter: Have not read the specifics of what happened, but if police requested he remove tweets related to criticism of UKIP policy that sounds a bit off. But then, if the guy is known or works as agitprop for police then he perhaps needed to be pulled in.

            The notion that police operated at UKIPs command is incredible.

            That the police are taking an interest in UKIP and those who are opposed for public safety reasons is credible, as is he notion that the police may wish to take actions with aim to discredit UKIP. The latter only because the police still appear to be politicized, and the R’otherham foster child incident, and p’lebgate, demonstrate that some state institutions are politicized and overtly act against the interests of UKIP the party: A problem for democracy in the UK.

            ii) Old H’olborn: How did that guy get identified and outed ? Probably more to do with loose lips and good investigative journalism than cyber snooping – but dressing it up as the latter works if the objective of curtailing some of the extremes of legal free expression on T’witter is desired.

            The law should provide guidance within reason, but not control thought or limit expression. The dubious ‘hate’ laws cross those lines, as does the practice of ‘word banning’.


          • jgm2 says:

            I’d have thought Old Holborn got ‘outed’ because he actually stood for parliament back in 2010. At which point he either used his real name and address or somebody followed him home and asked his neighbours who he was.


          • C O (Ξ7s1) says:

            Yes – that would come under what I would consider to be ‘good journalism’ these days.

            Still, it did not stop the press pushing the spooky surveillance line.

            OH’s tweets may not be of a ‘family friendly’ flavour – but that is missing the point. If T’witter considered them an actual problem they would have shut him down and reported to police themselves. See for example the 14 year D’utch old girls who were ‘joking’ about attacking A’merican A’irlines recently.

            What happened once he was outed – being hounded from his home town – speaks volumes about the retrograde state of the UK. The police obviously unable or unwilling to protect his family from real attack / threats, by implication condoning, hence asserting their view on his expression.

            That people launched those real threats and attacked with apparent impunity is clearly unacceptable and unjustified.


  51. 133
    Ed Miliband says:

    Good morning. Today is National Fuck Off Beaker day. Every time I tweet, please tell me to fuck off. It is vital you tell me to fuck off. Vital for our democracy and vital for Britain.


  52. 140
    Anonymous says:

    If any of you believe this Guardian poll just check Paddy Power and get 14 to 1 if Tories win the Euros.
    On the other hand : UKIP 4/11, Labour 15/8 and our dear Lib Dems 300/1.


  53. 141
    Anonymous says:

    This is really a fantastic result for UKIP. The liblabcon party should be really worried. It’s just the way it’s spun everywhere including on here, to assist the tories.

    Dave doesn’t want the old people who worked hard during the 60′,70’s 80’s etc and who worked hard during those years so they could have a better life. They did it with the help of Thatcher who helped make hard work pay by cutting taxes. Ordinary working class people, if they wanted to work hard were able to make something of themselves. What did Dave do for them? People who paid their tax and national insurance all their lives, he cut their pensions so they can’t claim until they are 66 and now there is a clamour to cut all their other benefits. The money saved goes to pay for benefits given so freely to any one wants them especially, those who haven’t paid a penny in. You wonder why we vote ukip Dave? I bet you’ll have a pretty tasty pension when you retire. Especially the gold plated ones you have all awarded yourselves living in that elite priveliged westminster bubble.

    Free movement of people too eh Dave, the trojan horse for a united states of europe, but again there isn’t one british politician who will admit this.? You think we are fooled too by your referendum promise?

    Vote ukip and f uck all the politicians


  54. 142
  55. 150
    Anonymous says:

    The current crop of liblabcon meps have gone along with everything the socialist european parliament has thrown at them. They have delivered nothing for England except extra payments to the eu despite daves fine words.

    No change whatsoever because they are always outvoted, they cant deliver any change and have delivered further eu integration.

    Who you put in westminster makes no difference unless its gives power to the uk parliament to change the eu laws and take us out of europe.


    • 167
      albacore says:

      With Miliband and Cameron as the cream of their crops
      There’s only empty shelves in the Tory and Labour shops
      It defies all reason they should be able still to con
      British folks that for decades those parties have shat upon


    • 168
      Democracy Now says:

      I don’t want Parliament to have the power to take us out of Europe. They already have that but they are spineless corrupted parasites and will never exercise it. What I want is for the people to have the power to take us out of Europe.


  56. 152
    Rogered Helmet says:


    • 165
      I says:

      That would be because there are so few people in Westminster who really believe that democracy involves representing the people. They are content with a gerrymandered system which gives incumbents an advantage and excludes anyone who doesn’t sign up to the establishment’s programme.


  57. 153
    Mrs. Ball-Scooper, TRIPLE FLIPPER says:


    • 159

      Maybe each of us will have his own personal GP waiting anxiously at the other end of a ‘phone ready to drop everything at the first sign of a nasty cold or a sprained ankle and rush to our aid on a moments notice to kiss it better.


    • 160
      A Doctor writes says:

      If he tries to impose that on my surgery, he will be (im)politely told to effoff. I will also probably leave the NHS mess and simply go private at one of the local private sector hospitals.


    • 162
      illogical says:

      100 million pounds set aside to be able to see your GP on the same day would appear to be a very conservative estimate.
      With average daily golf greenfee prices now around 33 pounds I have to assume that Ed hopes many practitioners will be available for the cheaper twilight time consultations.
      Will nobody think of us poor GPs?
      We too only have 16 hours a day to complete our important work schedules in daylight hours. 19th hole cosultations are not on !


      • 199
        History of the NHS, Vol 1 says:

        Does anyone understand the NHS? Back in 1986/87, when Liebour assured me the evil Thatch was destroying the NHS, I had cause to visit my GP on numerous occasions. Back then I could ring in the morning and get an appointment for the same evening. Alternatively, I could ring in the evening and get an appointment for the following morning or afternoon. The next time had cause to visit my GP was after 6 years of New Liebour in 2003. When I called on a Thursday evening, the conversation went something like this:

        Me – I’d like to make an appointment, please.

        Receptionist – Which doctor would you like to see?

        Me – It doesn’t matter. Any doctor.

        Receptionist – You can see Doctor Smith next Wednesday.

        Me – What? Next Wednesday? Haven’t you got any appointments earlier than that?

        Receptionist – No.

        Liebour then proceed to bung GPs (and th NHS in general) loads of money and the situation is no better.


        • 215
          Persona non grata says:

          Through the same period I was an NHS Nurse. Hardly any immigrant staff. Hospitals were clean, efficient and safe. My happiest memories of Great Britain are just that now, memories.


    • 227
  58. 154
    Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:


    • 171
      Pookie Snackumberger says:

      Peter Brooks. A man who gladly helps the state suffocate free speech all in the name of political correctness.

      Still he gets his shilling, and some fame and approval amongst other deluded lefties who would also like free speech shut down in the name of progress.


  59. 155
    Iain Duncan Smith says:

    To be perfectly honest I could never vote for any political party, that takes money from disabled people, while giving millionaires Tax Cuts.


    • 168
      This is Getting Boring says:



    • 174

      I could never vote for a party that confiscates more than a quarter of my earnings and then gives it away to feckless ,idle chav scum , the EU commission , and the swiss bank accounts of the presidents of every third world pisshole on the planet


    • 229
      Dave T says:

      The disabled are just lazy c unts,at least most rich people have earnt their cash.Fuck the disabled.


  60. 156
    Owen Jones says:

    I am in solidarity with Boko Haram. Down with imperialist westernization down! Never release the girls, never!


  61. 157
    A polite enquiry says:

    When readers log on for another new day of fun and games on here, do they ever go back over the previous 3 or 4 of Guido’s efforts the previous day to see if there was any overnight follow up to their pearls of wisdom – or do they simply discard it all as irrelevant as yesterday’s chip wrapping paper and rush on to the current set of posts?


    • 180
      who's kidding who. says:

      Ah but what’s left of your pearls of wisdom, I believe are still saved for the people of the future to peruse at the British Library, hopefully they will be living in a country that doesn’t belong to a European United States and 1984 is still a book, not real.


  62. 163
    Ed Marxbot's Hypochondriac's Charter says:

    As a hypochondriac myself, I’m really looking forward to being able to see my GP 3 times a week (including Saturdays), and will now be voting for Ed.


  63. 170
    Ed Blinky Balls says:

    I have trouble parking my breakfast.


  64. 172
    • 191
      Anonymous says:

      Clue: He must be in distress.


    • 226
      Funambulist says:

      MP George Galloway said on Twitter: “If British Muslims – Allah forbid – invaded ten British churches and abused those inside, posted the videos – think it would be on the news?



  65. 173
    Fresh_Aire says:

    Anything sponsored by Guardian is suspect.
    Examine their motives.


    • 192
      Pookie Snackumberger says:

      Blck opps. Scare the mongos and get them out to vote for fear of Maggie Thatcher teeming-up with Nigel Farage and taking away their free money.


  66. 176
    who's kidding who. says:

    ED is on the BBC telling crap to “Bill” he must have hada media training course shame “bedroom tax “isn’t one of them


  67. 177
    Will says:

    £100 million sounds a lot but works out at about £1.54 per person based on65 million people. If he actually spent the whole £100 million you would have to spend about half of it on receptionists admin etc. this leaves about £50 million based on £100,000 for easy doctor it would mean 500 doctors. So ed were are the 500 doctors waiting to start working in surgeries. Even if you did recruit them in 2015 it would take at least 6 months for them to start work. You would also end up with only 1 new doctor per 125,000 patients .


    • 182
      jgm2 says:

      The Imbecile was a master of that tactic. Announce a £50 million ‘initiative’ for this or that. Which sounds like a lot but, as you say, by the time you’d paid 80% of that to management consultants left very little to do anything useful at all with. That’s if the money ever got spent in the first place.

      How many times did he promise every kid in the country a new computer? Did anybody ever get one?

      Seriously? What happened to the money for that?


      • 190
        Pookie Snackumberger says:

        I swear i heard him say, during an election speech, that cancer would be cured if he got reelected*!

        Which convinced me he was truly mad.

        *’reelected’ That’s a joke for a start.


      • 197
        JH-2133253141245 says:

        We already have a very effective system to get every kid in the country a computer. It’s called ‘CAPITALISM’.

        I don’t think the Fife fuckup approved of it though, apart from the bit that that extracted £billions from productive people – under threat of prison – for him to spunk away on ludicrous social engineering schemes.


    • 188
      who's kidding who. says:

      A guy who helped his master to piss £billions on fresh air, trying to save £100million, like spending £10,000 and trying to save 1p , voting time is really in the air.


  68. 205
    peterthepainter says:

    Voting papers arrived 9.45am. Completed and in post 9.55am.

    Vote early, vote often, vote for you know who!


  69. 209
    Anonymous says:

    “Tories Beat UKIP to First Place in Guardian/ICM Euros Poll”
    and plebiscites into No Place in Ukraine?
    Good to see Cameron’s chief minion, given an opportunity to practice his post Scottish and EU referendum speeches. Condemning all such expressions of democracy as ‘illegal’ under the new order. Rather than specifying the nature of that warped ‘reality’ they might not be acceptable in. Or offering to recognize and help conduct, those permitted as free from oppressive external interference.


  70. 212
    geordieboy says:

    Guardian poll took be by shock, I thought it may be a cynical ploy to get more Labour votes out.

    We all love to see Farage kicking the arsehole leadership in the Euro Parliament but to what avail as nothing changes we still get all the Euro directive shit.

    Even if UKIP won all 75 seats he could huff and puff until the house fell down and it won’t make any difference as the combined forces of the Fascists, Communists and Socialists will overrule him at every vote. Do you really think that all the UKIP MEPs ‘want to vote themselves out of a very lucrative gravy train. The word is out that many UKIP MEPs’ don’t attend parliament. I will not assume that they spend their time boozing and whoring it.

    Liked by 1 person

  71. 223
    Geordieboy says:

    Someone asked for the whereabouts of ED Balls. The answer is flatlining.


  72. 225

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,645 other followers