May 12th, 2014

SKETCH: Gove Slaughters Metrosexual Tristram

Tristram Hunt was granted an Urgent Question based on something he’d read in the Observer. A row in the Coalition. An incipient split. It must have seemed a good idea but it all blew up in his lovely face.

He really does have the most brilliant name, with the luxurious extra R. Handsome, hereditary, metrosexual. There’s no-one else on the Labour front bench you can imagine in bed with Liz Hurley, Graham Norton and the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest.

It was Gove’s only mistake to suggest that he’s had “more contorted positions on Free Schools than an Indian sex manual.” That’s the fellow’s strong point! Pointing that out draws attention to Gove’s factory inspector look c. 1955.

Listening to Hunt, we heard, or half-heard him saying that the Coalition had “raided the schools budget to pay for pet political projects in expensive, under-performing, half-empty Free Schools.”

Are any of those accusations correct? They’re so highly educated, the minister and his shadow, you don’t know what to believe.

Expensive. Underperforming. Half-empty.

Gove said that Free Schools were half the cost of schools under Labour, that they were three times over-subscribed, they were academically above the national average and that 85 per cent of them were being opened in areas of greatest need.

Hunt quoted an NAO report which said two-thirds of places had been created outside areas of high and severe need.

You need an Oxford education to make contradictory statements that are correct. You have to assume their propositions were couched in terms that would stand up in court.

Hunt sat down to Tory jeers of “Is that it?

Labour critics got pummeled with spending figures. Labour had spent £25m in Eltham and Tories were spending £125m. Or £17m in Croydon compared with £142m now. And £25m in Lewisham under Labour where Tories were putting in £78m.

It was a bit of a slaughter, in fact. If Tristram was trying to show “spending was out of control” he’d have been better off in bed with Liz and Co.

The only really surprising contribution came from Ian Austin – sometime “boot boy of Gordon Brown”, as Cameron once called him. He told the House about a Free School in his constituency so popular that parents couldn’t get their children in to it. You may have expected him to demand it be closed, the staff prosecuted and the children taken into care.

No, he argued to give them the financial freedom to borrow in the market to create extra capacity and service the debt with their increased per capita revenues.

There’s probably no chance of Ian Austin being made shadow Education secretary, but it might be worth having a word with Liz.


  1. 1
    Hattie Hatemen says:

    Never mind all this. I can’t believe how sexist the English football squad is.
    Under this Tory-led coalition there are no women players going to Brazil. And when you think about it women know far more about Brazilians than men do.

    There should have been at least 69% of females in the squad. Under Ed Moribund there would be an all women short list with the players picked from that.

    And what about players with a disability? If we exclude Wayne Rooney’s learning difficulties .. none!
    Surely Roy Hodgson could have picked some one legged players or a one armed goalie? The legacy of the Para Olympics has been squandered by the toffy Tories.

    And let’s not even begin to consider the lack of Indian or Bangladeshi players in the squad.

    Its a disgrace.

    Liked by 3 people

    • 3
      Sue Denim says:

      Judging by the amount of hugging and kissing after a goal is scored, I think we will easily fulfill our “gay” quota.


      • 41
        The Growler says:

        I’ve always wondered why they do that, I think you definitely have hit a point there plus throwing mud pies at the referee (yes that did happen) in the fifties there was nothing of that mamby-pamby lovey stuff. I regularly pass a Sunday match of amateurs, if they spend less time shouting to each other and cut the bad language they would play better football.


      • 43
        Good News says:

        The Nigerians are apparently offering to help out in Rochdale. Although Michele Obama hasn’t come forward yet.


      • 73
        Ithankyou says:

        The trouble with women’s football is, when they run out onto the pitch, they all have to run back inside again and get changed because they were all wearing the same top


        • 163
          Horace says:

          I like this but won’t click on that stupid blue star. After all this is supposed to be a site for anarchists, so why is its proprietor telling us what to do? “Like this” is in the imperative mood, FFS.

          I’ve just noticed it says “Click here to cancel reply” above the comment box … and it also says “Leave a Comment” … what is it with these people, getting their rocks off by issuing orders?


      • 87
        wahid aleljamaid bin singapo. says:

        kill the bull by the horn.kill the bull and hold the honrable gentleman and only blow the horn when the bull is dead in kabul.
        a or an.
        afghani man says:what is happening in kabul stays. what is happening in kabul? whatever is happening in kabul stays in kabul.
        kill bill in ahemedabad?
        it is possible to be well dressed on the cheap.
        bring the hem down, take the hum up.
        apu triology says: pour your heart out in
        will sunday times become shangrila times, will it require a 800lb gorrila to lift it?


      • 220
        Anonymous says:

        We’ll be lucky to score any goals!


    • 6
      Fishy says:



    • 7
      molene says:

      Yes. And how many members of the LGBT community are there?

      It’s disgusting, Tory, Etonian, Bullingdonian and sexist


    • 13
      President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

      to get back to the posting I have once or twice wondered how pleasant to bed Liz Hurley when there was displayed in some video her delightfully formed boobies but I don’t think I ever imagined her shagging a politician, I’m not sure why I would want to.


    • 17
      Ed Twelvety Balls says:

      I thought there were 11 men in a football team but Roy Hodgson has only picked 23 players to go to Brazil, which is 5 short. How are we going to win if the other teams take to the field with 11 and we only have 23 on the pitch?

      Anyway, I’ve put £100 on Scotland to win it.


      • 27
        SIZE 15 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        I must agree it is especially degrading for the wheelchair using, visibly impaired, black lesbian community who do not seem to have any representation at all !!


      • 30
        Gordon McBreath says:

        You idiot. he’s taken sixteen too many!
        I would take zero percent players.

        Go Team GB!


      • 32
        Jus' Askin' says:

        Is this about Gove taking 500 million pounds of taxpayers’ money allocated for the building of new schools in areas without adequate numbers of schools and giving it to existing schools which have no requirements for extra pupils?

        Massive fail.


        • 95
          Losers vote Labour says:

          No it’s about Gove spending more on education than Labour and getting better value for the taxpayer than the LibDems?

          You are the massive fail. That is why your party is losing.


        • 196
          Jus' Lyin', more like says:


          Your little book of marxist lies is … lies.


      • 79

        Layabout will do anything to win a Jock vote.


    • 24
      Step Ladder, FIFA says:

      Frankly Hattie my dear, Roy might as well follow your “advice” as he stands just as much chance of achieving anything doing it your way as with his.

      England no longer produce enough world class players to field more than a 5 a side team.



      • 84
        Woy says:

        You may mock but wait until the lads return home after a plucky late equaliser against CostaCoffee. Spud face will be awarded a knighthood when the ball trickles in off his @rse and people will line the streets throwing flowers ( alright, tomatoes ) at us.


    • 26
      Steve Right says:

      Simple Hattie met a PIEman going to the fair.
      Said Simple Hattie to the PIEman,
      “What would you like me to write for you? A brief calling for the age of consent to be abolished and insisting that kids are not damaged by being in porn?”


    • 33
      táxpáyér says:

      It’s Nurses day, so In appreciation I’ve linked to a picture of a drink


    • 37
      toy stort 3 is a toy stort 2 says:

      shorty says: dr david owen. has a vision. for europe. he will do it for free. as toy story 3 is a toy story too/two/2. he should be given 2 weeks of airtime.
      which e should come firt.
      the whole toy is a torytown. townies run the show “ies”
      a is a headache.
      one loves and the other is lacy.
      john bishop says: to create barrell load of laughs a drug barreon is requit/unrequited love.
      eon/e.on says: let ppl do what they want
      wee.ant says: i love to like. but do i like to love?
      dr david owen says: i know what i love but you will not like it.
      hence time says :I am squishysquashy.


    • 48
      Socialism = Starvation says:

      One-armed goalie? Why ever not? The RAF had a one-armed fighter pilot in WW2, 16.5 kills, one DSO and three DFC before he was KIA.


    • 56
      cathy newmanmana says:

      It’s the patriarchy trying to keep us down with the rape culture.


    • 57
      cathy newmanmana says:

      It’s the patriarchy trying to keep us down with the r.a.p.e. culture.


    • 68
      a tryst with destiny. says:

      ram, ram. what a shocker.
      what a shocker says : ram, ram (implicit is may peace be with you).
      2 tones.
      worth a ton.
      ram.ram. say hn. say hinduja borthers.. squichy squishy squashy says: bus. STOP.


    • 69
      Tom Catesby. says:

      I agree, women should be included in the England World Cup Squad. REmember, it’s just been decided to allow women into frontline combat, so footie should be no problem and as a bonus, the next war we have the women can organise the footie match during the Christmas truces.


      • 214
        Huff'n'Puff says:

        Women (or a woman at least) is already in men’s football. You can see her every weekend on the telly running up and down the line trying to keep up with the boys. Offside? What’s that?


    • 105
      discover something bigger SKY says:

      brown base is self evident. it is only a coating but significant. a sprinkling (self adhesive) of sweetness is the missing layer on top.
      nestle up or Hudl up.
      one is fab and the other wants you pennies
      inside they are the same.
      so enjoy the .
      it is n the
      nestles is swiss.
      so swishon.


    • 198
      Jack Dromey says:

      Hattie, my love, I agree that it should be an all woman team. But, please, can I be picked as centre forward, as a special favour, just like my namesake was in that Birmingham (where is that?) constituency. Thank you dear, can we now go out to one of our lovely Dulwich restaurants, where we can talk about the plebs and savages in your Peckham (where’s that?) constituency.


    • 222
      widescreen2010 says:

      What is more, the players all seem to be English.
      Surely there is a law to prevent discrimination against workers from the EU on the basis of nationality.
      Where are the Spanish, German and Czech players in the squad?


  2. 2
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Green Nazis, Peedos and other Wasters says:

    Who would want to be in bed with the disgusting Labour Party?


  3. 4
    He Should Have Grown Out Of That Haircut By Now says:

    What is that haircut all about, does he do a bit of moonlighting in that old “Made In Chelsea” thing as a prep school prefect or something.


    • 11
      Bill Quango MP says:

      You’re right. He does have the look of the rugger captain about him.
      Not the 1st team, of course.

      Probably captain of the 2nd eleven. At a school that does poorly at rugby.


      • 20
        He Should Have Grown Out Of That Haircut By Now says:

        Exactly, I’m not a betting person but if I was, I would put loads of money on him habitually wearing the old upturned rugger shirt collar!


        • 197
          bully off or another chukka? says:

          Tristram would never play rugby, he’s more a jolly hockysticks type of metroxsexual.


      • 25
        Anonymous says:

        Playing with only 11 men would be a significant handicap certainly
        But then Labour have never been good at maths


      • 54
        The Growler says:

        Little Willie Hague went to a rugby playing school, but I do not know if he played it in the games period


      • 61
        Four-eyed English Genius says:

        Rugby is a game played by 15 (or 13 if you are oop north) chaps (or chappesses these days) as any fule kno!


    • 93
      Dr. Frank N. Furter says:

      Surely you don’t want Janet to see you


    • 159
      Wegg-Pisser from Moscow says:

      He is a Mandelscum protege

      Must look pretty for the old turd, you know


  4. 5
    Free to indoctrinate says:

    Labour bollocks aside, free schools is a poisonous policy. It’s led to a proliferation of schools run by creationist loons brainwashing children with fairytale garbage about earth being 7000 years old, evolution being wrong and dinosaur fossils being a hoax. Worst of all, it’s led to a surge in schools run by followers of a certain peaceful ideology, in which girls are made to sit at the back of the class and all the children are taught to hate infidels and J*ws.


    • 12
      suissebob says:

      On the other hand you’ve got the choice of not sending your kid to one of the schools you describe, what choice did you have under state education, shite, shiter or unutterably shite?


    • 14
      Ban A Few Things - Make The country A Better Place says:

      A good time to ban faith schools, halal, niquabs, burqas sharia and the sexual abuse of young boys by chopping off a bit of their penis before old enough to have an opinion on the mutilation.


      • 59
        The Growler says:

        R Cs have been to their own schools for years, many years ago the younger ones were taught by nuns and if the kiddies didn’t behave they felt the back of a hair brush on the back of their heads.


    • 16
      The public says:

      getting a bit racist for an NUT supporter aren’t you?


    • 21
      Steve Right says:

      That’s not “free schools” that are the problem, that’s “muslims”. And as we’ve seen, they don’t need free schools to peddle their medieval belief system. They can happily do it through the comprehensive system, while the local council and the NUT busily inspect their fingernails.


    • 35
      táxpáyér says:

      State schools is a poisonous policy. It’s led to a proliferation of schools run by economic-creationist loons brainwashing children with marxist garbage about extortion being sharing, market forces being wrong and leftist poverty creation being a hoax.


    • 100
      Losers vote Labour says:

      Anything’s an improvement on a Labour comp.


  5. 8
    suissebob says:

    Am watching it now. He’s an excellent parliamentary performer, bats away the morons with barely any effort at all, no one laid a glove on him.


  6. 10
    Alan Douglas says:

    “in bed with Liz Hurley, Graham Norton and the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest.”

    Masterly, thank you !

    Alan Douglas


  7. 15
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    What do you seriously expect from the son of a Labour appointed Baron, who is a climate modeller, who has, and I quote:

    “In recent years (he) has warned that the pattern of Asian monsoons could be fundamentally altered unless there is a concerted effort to check greenhouse gas emissions in the area.”

    So, undecided on anthropogenic climate change then. Windmill anyone?

    Windbag like his son, more like.


  8. 19
    Steve Right says:

    Sadly that describes almost our entire political class. Inbred, posh-speaking degenerates.


  9. 22
    HMRC says:

    We have taken the £67,000 outstanding from your account.
    our erecords indicate you owe this amount or possibly £67.00 or possibly .67p.
    A receipt will be forwarded to you in 6-8 weeks.

    If you wish to challenge this tax bill please submit your reasons before 1/4/2027 when we will examine the case and return any monies owed.

    T. Axeman


    • 199
      HMArsey says:


      You can only contact us by telephone, and even then you will have to wait for 15 minutes before we announce we are cutting the connection because we are too busy. If we ever do answer, we have the advantage in that the discussion is not traceable.

      We do not answer letters*.
      We do not accept faxes.
      We do not receive emails.

      *but we will find cheques if you send them

      Basically, we are a bunch of useless cΰnts.


  10. 23
    We're leaving if Ed wins! says:

    I had a horrible.nightmare last night that Ed Milisick had won the election and was nationalising all bank accounts above £30, 000 with a 40% tax windfall charge. I was sick with fear and woke up screaming and was boiling with sweat. My wife had to fetch me a glass of whisky!

    We talked and we have both decided if Miliband wins we are going to head to nearest ferry port on 8th May, withdraw our savings in cash, and then handle house sale from France and worry about buying house etc later. We will be out the country before Miliband, Harperson and Balls can even walk up Downing St!


    • 45
      eggnog says:

      We’ll leave the nationalization to ukip.


    • 51
      Socialism = Starvation says:

      £30,000, more like £30. And leave before the count, get into international waters on a non-UK boat at the very least.


      • 215
        Huff'n'Puff says:

        Move somewhere outside the EU “zone” and get your cash in a similar place – Jakarta, Singapore, Bangkok – asap. Non-EU residents can keep all their cash away from these thieving stickypaws.


    • 52
      By Necessity UK Border Agency Staff Cannot Easliy Speak English says:

      So, gone then in the blink of a Balls grotesquely myopic eye!

      You do realise though that if you go it give the government the gift of fiddling the net migration figures, we loose an Englishman and gain another bloody foreigner under the radar.


  11. 28
    Gordon Brown says:

    Just like the Eurovision winner, I too have a beard. Geddit?!?


    • 202
      Cowdenbeath for relegation says:

      Yes, but at least he/she/it(???) turns up to perform now and again. Unlike you, you thieving, shameless, McBrownstard.!


  12. 29
    Old b4 my time. says:

    Isn’t Liz Hurley old enough to be his grandmother. She must be approaching 84.


  13. 31
    Edna in the Fox & Werrity says:

    Will Simon Cowell no longer have Barlow on his panel shows. After all this man should be setting an example to lots of our young people. Barlow has made millions from many hard working young and older people who have to pay their proper taxes and certainly work hard for their money.

    Think I’ll just e-mail Simon…


  14. 36
    Analyst says:

    Hague and Cameron still supporting an illegal Kiev government which kills its own citizens including some in front of polling stations yesterday



    • 40
      The British media are cunts says:

      Add in the British media who are peddling the lies about Ukraine to us as well.


      • 47
        eggnog says:

        who gives a shite about the Ukraine. Its Russia’s business not ours.
        You ought to be more concerned about American assassins in that area.


        • 62
          Analyst says:


          CIA paid fascists overthrew the elected President

          Des Spiegel now reporting there are 400 US mercenaries attacking civilians in the East

          It looks like US wants to break all European Russian connections

          The Europeans should tell the US to fuck off out of Europe


          • Tom Catesby. says:

            Got to say, going off past observations, it is generally safer having the yanks on the other side. Very similar with Johnny Frenchman.


          • Mr. Logical says:

            Analyst (sic) – thought, for a moment, you were being humorous, but now realise that you are serious. Good Lord, what naivety. The day the US
            ” **** off out of Europe” (as you crudely say) we will all be at the mercy of that nice Mr. Putin. Is that what you want? Go back to your 1970s university lecturers, Analyst, and ask for a proper education, instead of the very sad indoctrination you have received.


    • 70 or hand in cap? says:

      inside or outside?
      which side are you on… are you in or out…perhaps a shaker is rqd<


      • 217
        Another golden oldie... says:

        …talking of shakers….

        I just got a cartoon from a friend. It scene is inside a public toilet. There is a closed cabinet door marked “Movers” and next to it is an open urinal with a notice above it reading “Shakers”.


  15. 39
    The British media are cunts says:

    Nick Robinson just stated that Gordon Brown was heroic for raising taxes in an interview with red Ed.

    Just shows how much toenails really was up Brown’s rectum.


    • 64
      Nick Robinsons Idea of heroics says:

      With only weeks to go and in the face of certain electoral defeat Gordon Brown planted a tax bomb under the enemy lines and ran away.
      What a fucking hero.


  16. 44
    Podiceps says:

    ‘Metrosexual’ is derived from the Greek mētropolis, mother city, from the Greek mētēr, mother. It therefore literally means ‘mοtherfucker’.


    • 49
      bertiebassett says:

      wankjoy college,
      you’re starter for ten


      • 83
        Podiceps says:

        Kindly supply what you believe to be the correct derivation. It will be interesting to see what, if anything, is going on in your tiny pointed head.


  17. 50
    UKipKrapper says:

    Im going to Las Vegas…. (well post May 22)
    I thank you plebs!


  18. 53
    Working class bloke says:

    Peter Hitchens has the right of it when it comes to Gove.
    Pissing around with this free school bollocks is…bollocks.
    My niece goes to a grammar school the oldest and one of the few remaining in the UK.
    Tennyson,Franklin and Captain John Smith were pupils there.
    She is the daughter of a care assistant mother and part time cleaner father.
    She lives in a council house.
    Not chosen to go there through some quota but her ability alone.
    So long denied by the silver spoon in their mouth Tristram Hunts we hope social mobility will return to the family.


    • 207
      I hate Labour says:

      Wcb – totally agree with your view that Grammar schools are so good for bright working class children (and Labour hate this). But you are wrong to criticise Gove – he didn’t close Grammar schools; he is doing his best to open schools that are not controlled by the Marxist education authorities and NUT, but do not fall foul of Blair’s law that no new Grammar schools can be opened. And before you ask why Gove has not opened new Grammars – Clegg won’t let him and Cameron doesn’t care.


  19. 55
    Gordon Bennett says:

    Speaking of idiots, would this man think that if you criticise Boko Haram, then you must be a bit of a bigot!


    • 86
      Tom Catesby. says:

      I always thought their hit,’a whiter shade of pale’, way back was pretty good.


  20. 60
    Hugh Grant the decent kind of chap you meet with his trousers down behind a wheely bin says:

    Why shag Liz Hurley when you can have an ugly crack whore transvestite suck your pipe.


    • 208
      Hugh, the fascist liberal says:

      Shush, you mustn’t report this, or my friends will take you to court and put you out of business.


  21. 67
  22. 78
    Fishy says:

    Is Toenails interviewing Weird Ed?

    As he asked him, ‘Do you agree that every person’s vote should be of equal value?’


  23. 81
    Joss Taskin says:



    • 88
      jgm2 says:

      So, what’s that? A poll lead of 13% two years ago is now -2%. A difference of 15% lost in only two years. At this rate Labour will be on 24% by the election next year. That’s even worse than the Maximum Imbecile and, in fairness to Miliband and Balls, I don’t think they could possibly be any more incompetent than that jackass.

      Not that I care mind you. I’m still astonished that there is a core of 28% who thought that the Maximum Imbecile had done a thoroughly good job. I’d hate to see what the UK would have to look like before they agreed that actually, yes, on balance, Labour had really fucked it up this time.


  24. 82
    Bloomers in rain-soaked Bongo Bongo Land says:


  25. 90
    Surrey resident says:

    In expectation of the sweaties voting to separate from the UK, just finished Tippexing out Scotland from all the maps in the house. It felt good.


  26. 91
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP


  27. 98
    photo gurnalist says:

    bitch fight brewing between flotus and abbott


  28. 99
    Gordon Brown says:

    I have just done whisky sick on the lawn and can now see the baby Jesus


  29. 101
    White rabbit says:

    Whenever I see Margaret Hodge being interviewed I don’t feel very well.


  30. 103
  31. 104
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “There’s no-one else on the Labour front bench you can imagine in bed with Liz Hurley, Graham Norton and the winner of the Eurovision Song Contest.”

    Excellent, Simon!


    • 127
      ahmonika says:

      Yup, shades of Littlejohn


      • 201
        Bog standard lefty dullard says:

        We’re sure that’s some kind of “-phobic” remark, but we haven’t worked out what it is yet. We’ll get back to you.

        we’ll assume you’re a bigot for now, ok?


  32. 106
    jgm2 says:

    Apparently the ICM Euro poll has Labour in third.

    Con 27 (+2)
    Lab 24 (-12, yes minus twelve)
    LD 7 (+1)
    UKIP 26 (+4)
    Green 10 (+4)


    • 110
      The European Directive of Fanny Freshness. says:

      Fuckwits over at the grauniad comments section seem to believe this is a blip that will correct itself after the euro elections.

      I don’t think so.


      • 115
        jgm2 says:

        A ‘blip’? A fucking ‘blip’? Are these people off their skulls? A mid-term chance to give the government a good kicking and they can’t even get their hard-core 28% that voted for the Maximum Imbecile? Let alone disaffected Tories etc who might take the opportunity to send a message.

        They should be on 40%.

        At this rate it’ll be Tory government with UKIP opposition.


        • 127
          Wonderin about time says:

          Now that would be something that would I go for in 2015 so long and Camoron and gang are put out to grass, I expect UKIP if the left don’t assassinate Farage and things do change, to be in Government in 2020, if UKIP keep going with honest intentions then that goal will be reached.


        • 203
          Yea, yea and thrice yea says:

          “Are these people off their skulls?”

          Yes, that was a rhetorical question, folks!


      • 123
        jgm2 says:

        Right now Miliband is shaking like a shitting dog.


    • 155
      Mechanic says:

      That’s what happens when you put Axelgrease in the wrong hole…


  33. 112
    eufundedproeutroll says:

    Vote UKIP !!! :-D


  34. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Reposted this on:


  35. 114
    EU Funded Pro EU Troll says:


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     | |      U:::::::UUU:::::::U
     | |       UU:::::::::::::UU
     | |         UU:::::::::UU
     | |           UUUUUUUUU
     | |
     | |     KKKKKKKKK    KKKKKKK
     | |     K:::::::K    K:::::K
     | |     K:::::::K    K:::::K  
     | |     K:::::::K   K::::::K
     | |     KK::::::K  K:::::KKK
     | |       K:::::K K:::::K
     | |       K::::::K:::::K
     | |       K:::::::::::K  
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     | |       K::::::K:::::K
     | |       K:::::K K:::::K  
     | |     KK::::::K  K:::::KKK
     | |     K:::::::K   K::::::K
     | |     K:::::::K    K:::::K
     | |     K:::::::K    K:::::K
     | |     KKKKKKKKK    KKKKKKK
     | |
     | |         IIIIIIIIII        
     | |         I::::::::I        
     | |         I::::::::I
     | |         II::::::II
     | |           I::::I
     | |           I::::I
     | |           I::::I
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     | |           I::::I
     | |           I::::I
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     | |         II::::::II
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     | |
     | |     P::::::::::::::::P    
     | |     P::::::PPPPPP:::::P   
     | |     PP:::::P     P:::::P  
     | |       P::::P     P:::::P  
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     | |       P::::PPPPPPPPP      
     | |       P::::P              
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     | |     P::::::::P                              _=___=_
     | |     P::::::::P                          ___|_>-o-<_|___
     | |     PPPPPPPPPP                         [/___U_K_I_P___\]
    £££££££                                      \=\>-------</=/


  36. 117
    cheche says:

    These pics of the kidnapped girls chanting away and with a gun in front of them are not good for the r of p. I expect the BBC to not show them


  37. 119
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    Sorry but can’t let this one go to waste from earlier …

    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:
    May 12, 2014 at 4:53 pm

    With so much spare time on their hands perhaps the parliamentary troughers could be forced to read up on the many hidden details that they collectively know nothing about – of the EU monster that they all front up for.

    e.g. Clegg’s obvious lack of knowledge about the percentage of laws and where they do actually come from. Ditto Cameron and Miliband.


    • 122
      WoW 235 says:



    • 129
      The European Directive of Fanny Freshness. says:

      No-one read it the first time, no-one is interested now.

      You fucking spaz!


      • 133
        EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

        You’ve read it and are sufficiently annoyed – result! in my book. Thanks.


        • 140
          WoW 235 says:

          Can I see your book?


          • not so long till you're stomped to death and thanks for all the phish says:

            how fascinating! wow upside down is mom… making threats you can’t cash yet again?! pretty shit is it not, your disgusting monarch stepford mind control prog has turned round and is biting you left right and centre and you’re still trying to play the fear game! hilarious!


        • 151
          The European Directive of Fanny Freshness. says:

          Do your curtains match your jim-jams..?


  38. 124
    ahmonika says:

    Freddie Star STORMS out of interview…. x 5 Broadsheets

    Actually he was quiet, controlled and polite.

    Can’t wait till Murry starts CRASHING OUT of tournaments again tho.


  39. 126
  40. 131
    EeeYepBlowing Whistles says:

    What maggie didn’t say

    When the proven to have been global warming zealots are faced with the facts and much evidence that the whole AGW thing is but a tax ruse – the proof of them having lost their arguments is that all they basically have left to resort to is to call (smear) those who were not duped – nimby’s.

    When you lose your rag and descend to base smearing you have lost your argument & case. About time the establishment – grew some fucking balls.


  41. 132
    Pookie Snackumberger says:

    Simon Carr lays out in his excellent sketch something of the truth of posh boy Hunt’s little tirade in the House today, yet C4 news chose to style the exchange very differently.

    For them the important part was to get across the taking money from state schools and giving it to “his pet project” free schools. That was the cHunt’s sound bite they showed, for balance they showed, not the refutation of this, but Gove saying cHunt was adopting “more contorted positions on Free Schools than an Indian sex manual.”

    In my opinion, this from Gove was a sound bite out of context and sounded like a feeble response to the.

    Chunt’s allegation stood un addressed, and that is exactly what the C4 piece was about.

    In a way, it didn’t matter to labour how their sound bites stand up in the HoC as long as the thrust of them can be played out each evening on the media, with cockeyed and feeble looking responses from the Government.

    The Tories are in government they should do something about this it is a criminal misrepresentation of our supposedly democratic system.

    Incidentally this short exchange between Gove and the hunt, apropos of nothing, was followed by a very positive piece on goofy ed’s latest empty promise of something or other.


    • 143
      President Cheery. B. Mahmood says:

      well, these companies will have permission by way of a license to broadcast and if they are abusing the license then they should be closed down.


  42. 134
    Anonymous says:


  43. 137
    Like to keep my head please says:

    Moos converts on One, in choke, go in a gangsta come art an exterm’ist. Wants to know what one is? Err…….we all know. Also..

    = dressing like a 8th century retard for a kick off.


    • 161
      It's time to get out of here says:

      Looks like Griffin was right once again. Serious serious problems ahead.


  44. 144
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:



    • 153
      Axle Bearings Rodding says:

      Fuckin Gimp Millibum. Get outta my way. You are a liability, even Wiilie Wee has more potential and THATS saying something. Mong.


    • 166
      Anonymous says:

      The xenophobes won’t like that poll.


      • 205
        fauxphobiaphobe says:

        Imagine what that poll would look like if Cameron hadn’t split his party by not giving a referendum in this parliament.

        What a tit.


        • 211
          UKIP is the only answer says:

          faux….. Seems like a tit on the face of it, I agree. But he is not a Tory, he is a wet Liberal using the Tory party for his own ends. He is a cuckoo in the nest.


  45. 146
    Tristram says:

    isolde out


  46. 156
    cured lefty says:

    As I’ve said before in a crisis would you be happy to send (a) cameron,(b)milliband ,(c)clegg ,into negotiations with the likes of putin at least farage would make vlad stop for a second and think who the fuck is this! I’d never heard a jot concerning obamas career till less than year before he was elected!


  47. 157
    Edna in the Fox & Werrity says:

    Tax avoider is keeping his ‘thank you’ medal.
    Carers of disabled people, the real heroes, get harassed by the DWP and have their money reduced or stopped.
    Tory Britain


    • 164
      Edward Hitler says:

      I’m sure it’s a minor misunderstanding of a purely technical nature and nothing to do with him being a greedy self-serving twat who couldn’t give a fuck.

      A bit of retrospective legislation absolving him and many other outstanding citizens of taking any responsibility for their actions wouldn’t be a bad idea. He deserves his OBE and his millions.

      If he was poor and unemployed of course it would be a different story and a public flogging would be in order followed by a ten year JSA sanction while he sows mailbags and apologizes for his existence.

      Sometimes my social conscience is so caring it hurts.

      “Take That” indeed! He did and bravo to him!


    • 171
      Cameron = scumbag says:

      Well he is a tory supporter! what else did you expect from this privileged sod Cameron and all them who supports him are only out for what they can get! As for Barlow raising money for charity, it was not his money he was raising , But the ordinary people of this country. The whole system should be demolished and given back to the ordinary people of this country. Money seems to drive this world instead of compassion for the ordinary person!


      • 174
        Cunt Sausage says:

        Call me Dave should lead by example and open up his families own rather grubby tax dodging affairs first…


      • 180
        Clarence the cross-eyed lion says:

        I hope he pays back in full the tax owed – interest on it and the costs to the taxpayer of taking him to court and spending time arguing with him and his financial management team – plus a hefty fine for doing what is purported to be an activity which this govt. wants to clamp down on


        • 186
          nelly says:

          Didn’t people who failed to pay tax to the Revenue used to be prosecuted and heavily fined or jailed even. I seem to remember some unpleasantness involving Lester Piggott and Ken Dodd also found it was no laughing matter. I believe Dodd kept his dosh in suitcases under the bed – not quite as sophisticated as Barlow’s operation but still illegal.


    • 173
      who's kidding who. says:

      Liebour pissed billions onto failed IT projects, billions onto failed tube train upgrades, billions onto failed ID cards, took billions out of pensions, how many died in the midlands and up north, external caring services sold off to the lowest bidder, 13 years of time wasted on hate, 10% tax for the lowest up to 20% because the idiot was peed off with Camorons Conservative, shame on you for even thinking of voting for the rich nasty party new Liebour, old Liebour die d the moment Bliar got in, if the person did wrong, take him to court and sort him out, if you know he’s done wrong then you should inform plod.


      • 185
        WTF is the "Like this" shite? says:

        Its only a tiny tiny tiny amount after all


      • 209
        fuck socialists says:

        Labour’s war in Afghanistan has been going since 2001 and cost at least £40 Billion.

        That would have paid a nurse or two.


  48. 162
    Chuka Umunna says:

    Is Tristram a flaming queen or what? He strikes me as one of those closet cases.


  49. 165
    Collapsed woman says:

    I overheard Dave telling Boris he could be prime minister after 2020. The thought of those two doing a Tony / Gordon thing was more than my heart could take.


  50. 182
    WTF is the "Like this" shite? says:

    Just spotted this earlier today from UKip4me

    A conservative supporter and a conservative mouthpiece doing a telephone poll, yeah I can see how that would impartial and fair and balanced to the desperadoes at CCHQ.What next Milliband phoning round his union baron comrades and then doing a poll showing he will be the next supreme El Presidente of the pan galactic central committee?It all smells rather desperate and not a little sad and pathetic.

    Interesting comment given these same polls have consistently given the twat Milliband a lead without a peep of complaint from you or the left in general. But !!! As soon as they go the other way its a fix. If any thing smells sad and pathetic its the bleating of the left as they realise millimong ain’t gonna win. He’s not even gonna get a hung parliament. He’s fucked it big styles



  51. 187
    The BBC's Controlling Mind says:


    ICM/Guardian Euro poll: CON 27% UKIP 26% LAB 24% GRN 10% LD 7%. Conservative lead at 1.


    ICM/Guardian State of the parties poll: CON 33% LAB 31% UKIP 15% LD 13%

    Now hear this slackers…the fucking Tories are in the lead. Katz, Marr, Davis, Mair, Dimbleby, WTF are you doing? This wasn’t supposed to happen.

    Brillo Neil – this is all your doing. You’ve were told not to ask any difficult questions of our Labour colleagues. Now we have a complaint that Alexander won’t come out of his room since yesterday an he’s not eaten. You’re fucking fired.

    The rest of you, get your fingers out. Put this right


  52. 188
    Sir William Wayde says:

    Rode out with the Tristram Hunt once. They use trained weasels. Nasty little creatures. Damn clever idea, in a way, but they tend to charge off after wildly after any scent. Interferes with the draw.


  53. 189
    Just in case he thinks we've forgotten says:

    Any chance of Peter Hain being investigated for his conduct over the OTR letters for IRA terrorists….


  54. 212
    Ah! candy from babies says:

    Tomorrow’s FT Headline ” MPs seek ‘cast-iron pledge’ on Astra.

    Don’t they know yet that CEOs are paid to lie on behalf of their shareholders?

    Donkies led by Cable.


  55. 221
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Excellent and insightful as ever, thank you Mr. Carr.


  56. 223
    Anonymous says:

    “Tristram Hunt was granted an Urgent Question based on”
    the education ayatollah’s disinclination, to engage in open debate in regard to the validity of the imposed ideology? No? Somehow thought not.


  57. 224
    long John Silver' s parrot says:

    What the fuck has the Eurovision Song Contest got to do with the education of our children by the State ?


  58. 225
    never put up with mediocrity says:

    I thought Tristram was being lined up as the new smart Socialist in a suit following the sad demise of little Alexander.


  59. 226
    An angry taxpaying pleb says:

    What is all this about that jumped up little twat Gove pissing my hard earned money down the drain ?

    Am I just having a bad dream ?


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Find out more about PLMR

Chris Bryant talks to the Times Diary about a famous gay actor:

“I don’t think I’ve had sex with him. He says we had sex in Clapham. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had sex south of the river”

Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!

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