May 9th, 2014

Balls Charged for Hit and Run
Coppers Bring Charges After Story Changes

The Shadow Chancellor blogs this afternoon:

“I’d been turning our car round in a tight spot in the narrow private drive beside the Labour rooms in Morley where I park all the time. Another car was parked close by and I was aware the two bumpers touched. But I had no idea any damage had been done until the police got in touch a week later.

As soon as I was aware any damage had been done I immediately took full responsibility for any damage caused. I’ve been in touch with the owner to apologise for the inconvenience and to  pay for the repair to the marks on the parked car’s bodywork.

The police have to do their job. Once I’d confirmed I knew the bumpers had touched, their standard approach is to proceed to charge as they expect people to stop and check.

I fully understand and accept that, so of course I will be accepting the charge. While I had no knowledge at the time that any damage had occured, I accept their view that I should have checked. Getting points on my licence will be a blow – but that’s the way it works.”


Balls has changed his tune slightly. When the police began their investigation he claimed “As soon as I was made aware of what had happened, I took full responsibility for any damage caused.” Yet now he admits he knew the collision had happened at the time…



  1. 1
    EC1 PhD says:

    Made my Friday


    • 15
      The two Muppets says:

      It could not happen to a nicer bloke. Oh happy days.


      • 48
        Anonymous says:

        Ed, please, please please. Can you ask your wife to take your points and then get her to deny it 13 months later.

        With luck you’ll both end up in jail……



        • 56
          Arnold the Anarchist(weekends only) says:

          How wonderful that would be


          • Vlad the Loudhailer says:

            Car crash Balls, was he reliving his time when had his hands on the British economy?


          • Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Green Nazis, Peedos and other Wasters says:

            Not just guilty of trashing the economy then?


        • 112
          Truthspeaker says:

          He obviously went to the Harriet Harman Driving School!

          Owning up after an accident is only for little people…


    • 17
      Brittan of Leon says:

      I’m still free.


    • 19
      Throg says:

      Balls is amoral, probably a psychopath.

      When he has damaged things belonging to others he clearly feels no duty to put the matter right, and leaves it for someone else to clean up and pay for.

      He only confesses when caught.


      • 46
        Common Man says:

        How many points did that fool Cameron get for leaving his kids at the pub ?

        He was probably too busy playing angry birds on the iPad and counting the money from his father in laws windmills…


        • 90
          Henry Crun says:

          4/10 must do better.


        • 135
          Philagain says:

          Common Man

          That is totally right.
          That troughing pr1k can afford to eat out , whilst me and my partner have to share a pot noodle heated up on a single burner hob. HE gets to go to NANDOS and probably for FREE! and lose his kids and the social workers don’t touch him!
          BUT when my nephew ended up with a slight bruise on his inner thigh the social workers actually interrogated me and my partner for a whole hour!
          I hate torus for what they have done to me and people like me!


      • 58
        Eduardo Balls ....Guilty as charged says:

        Well he’s left the debacle that is the economy for others to clear up …

        … but as yet there’s been no confession, even though he’s been caught!

        We’ll wait a long time for that


    • 57
      Corridor of Uncertainty says:

      Too far too fast?


    • 66
      Der Krays says:

      It’s like this, see

      as soon as the filth nicked us, we took responsibility


      • 75
        man on the street says:

        Will he have his fingerprints and DNA taken as is quite normal procedure when one is arrested even if not charged?


    • 78
      One for the road says:

      Many minor ‘hit & runs’ like this arise because the driver has been drinking . For that reason even minor accidents like this can Lead to disqualification.


    • 79
      Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

      What a load of Balls.

      “As soon as I was aware any damage had been done”

      “As soon as I was made aware of what had happened”

      As soon as I was made I aware I was going to be caught more like.

      More evidence – if any was needed – that paradoxically Balls is a cnut


    • 89
      Losers vote Labour says:

      Mine too, one step closer to fitting CarCrash Balls and Vauxhall Yvette for a straightjacket.


    • 94
      broderick crawford says:

      No . Yvette will take the penalty points . She s so fit she doesn’ t need
      a car .
      Could probably cycle from Morley to Westminster in 30 minutes ,take part in a major debate and be back in time to bath the kids .

      As opposed to Paunchy who probably needs the car to get to the nearest warm food shop ( on which vat IS — possibly — levied depending on how good your lobbyists in the Commons are ).


    • 96
      broderick crawford says:

      The police have to do their job. Once I’d confirmed I knew the bumpers had touched, their standard approach is to proceed to charge as they expect people to stop and check.

      The first thing the officer said to me was ” the big end s gone ” My first reaction was to rejoice . I thought he was referring to my diminished love handles .


    • 127
      Roger StokeNewington says:

      The whole thing is bollocks, what are bumpers for?? they tell you when you have to stop pushing, the bumpers on my 1951 AC are a nice sturdy steel girder, try nudging that ballsy, in Church St. Stokey.


  2. 2
    John Bellingham says:

    “I immediately took full responsibility for any damage caused. I’ve been in touch with the owner to apologise for the inconvenience and to pay for the repair.”

    Pity that this didn’t apply to the economy.


    • 6
      Bog Paper says:

      Can’t he claim his wife was driving (Ms. Cooper) a la Huhne?


    • 20
      Fishy says:

      Is he also paying the VAT?


      • 86
        couldabin says:

        I hate to be the one to tell you this, but as he was on official constituency duty, he will be entitled to make a claim for the damage, court costs and fines etc on his parliamentary expenses.


        • 111
          Throg says:

          Rubbish – committing a criminal offence you can never claim the costs.

          Otherwise why not drive through a shopping centre smashing everything and then park your car in a ditch and put it on exes?


        • 115
          Jesus says:

          And still the lazy fucker drove away. What a dick.


  3. 3
    Max Clifford: Hero of the left says:

    More disgusting Tory sleaze by this hate filled blogger


  4. 3
    Ah! Government just run and run says:

    A future Conservative government would introduce a threshold on union ballots for strike action, Prime Minister David Cameron says.

    A Whole year and nothing to do FFS


    • 22
      Fishy says:

      You seem to forget that the Yellows continue to contaminate the effective running of the country, for the time being (and hope to continue to do so again after the elections with their 5% of the vote).


  5. 5
    Ah! Rolf says:

    Can you see if I’m guilty yet?


  6. 7
    Fed Up says:

    Am I correct in assuming the charges will include leaving the scene of an accident without reporting it?
    Rightly considered to be a serious offence


    • 13
      The two Muppets says:

      I think that is a very serious ,I think at least 6 months with Big Bubba in D wing ,
      that will make his eyes water .


      • 24
        Fed Up says:

        The result may be worse for him than a few points on his licence which he seems to be expecting.


      • 25
        Fishy says:

        Same cell as Max Clifford, no doubt.


        • 30
          Fuck The One-Eyed Scottish Fucker says:

          Utterly, sodding brilliant. This is superlative news, though remember how Harridan the Manhater slithered almost completely free from HER motoring offence.


    • 38
      Anonymous says:

      Reckon they must have had CCTV showing him getting out of the car and checking any damage. Try and get your hands on that Guido.


      • 63
        i want to know says:

        Had he been drinking in the Labour club
        and if so,how much?


      • 122
        newly retired says:

        Actually, the owner of thhe damaged vehicle got onto twitter asking if anyone knew who had damaged his car. Coincidentally,it was ED BALLS DAY.


    • 83
      thostids says:

      Fail to stop and fail to report. Should be worth 8 or 9 points given absence of personal injuries and £1,000 fine; there should also be a drive without due care (5 points and £250).


  7. 8
    Lock up yer daughters says:


  8. 9
    Fact Hunt says:


  9. 10
    Hariet Harperson says:

    You know where to find him


  10. 11
    Ed Balls says:

    As soon as I’d been made aware I was caught I took full responsibility.


  11. 14
    St Anthony Bliar says:

    Hey come on guys. Sometimes you have to tell little half-truths to avoid paying for a scratch on someone’s car or to keep your wife from finding out about Wendy or persuade your country to start a war. Why is this a big deal?


    • 59
      Fuck The One-Eyed Scottish Fucker says:

      Fuck off, Tony.


      • 61
        he can't be trusted says:

        Some bastard did this to my car,only he wasn’t caught.
        Cost me a fortune to fix it.


        • 67
          jgm2 says:

          I solve this problem by dr*iv*ing a complete bag of nails. I wouldn’t notice unless the door was missing.


    • 68
      Leadbellyzep says:

      Your brother brought me silver
      Your sister warmed my soul
      But now I laugh and pull so hard
      And see you swinging on the Gallows Pole


  12. 21
    Yvette Scooper says:

    I’ll take the points, just don’t give me crabs OK?

    Oh sorry wrong up his own arse politician.


  13. 23
    Gordon Brown says:

    It started in the car park.


  14. 26
    BBC says:


    Don’t understand, where’s the UKIP angle?


    • 52
      Anonymous says:

      It was a ukip car. Balls deliberately crashed into it…


    • 69
      BBC Editor says:

      Farage once drove a car, and it was probably a Volkswagen … get my drift?


    • 77
      YouKipper says:

      We’re waiting on a bigger newsflash from the Northern Oil Lands – did Nigel Farage survive the anti-English racist dogs of Alex Salmondeo?


      • 120
        English Heretic says:

        You filthy English racist bigot, how dare you suggest we would single out one English racist git for special attention when we f**king hate all youse English gits.


  15. 28
    Steve Miliband says:

    Does he already have points?


  16. 29
    Liebour says:

    Balls has changed his tune slightly.



  17. 30
    Maimed Codger says:

    I wonder if the word ” Again ” is missing here… ?


  18. 32
    Mark Cyst says:

    Property is theft, so the other bloke’s car was stolen, so Balls had every right to damage it, and no obligation to pay compensation


  19. 33
    Postal Votes are Labour Loo Paper says:

    Should be a hanging offence for this smug, worthelss sack of shite.


  20. 34
    Ed The Eunuch. says:

    Sneaking off and thinking he would get away with it.


  21. 35
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Just put that through Google Waffle Translate.

    In English, it means: I know I hit him but I scarpered. I am a c*unt.


  22. 36
    Silent Majority says:

    A reckless and irresponsible man


  23. 39
    Ohthisbloodypc says:

    I was driving my UK Economy vehicle, when suddenly a banking crisis appeared from nowhere.

    My colleague left note at the scene of the crash (10 Downing Street, as I remember) which clearly said “Theres no money left”


  24. 40
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Nothing will happen.


  25. 41
    purveyor_of_turds says:

    dirty balls


  26. 43
    Graham says:

    We all know that Balls tells loes


  27. 44
    Graham says:

    Balls is a congenital liar.


  28. 49
    Bumper Balls says:

    Let’s hope they don’t check the CCTV footage from within the Club and see me with a pint or 2 before getting behind the wheel!…..Doh!


  29. 50
    How much for the little one? says:


    • 71
      Richard Coeur de Lion wondering why I fucking bothered says:


      The case for and against kidnapping female children to take them and sell them as slaves.


  30. 51
    Anonymous says:

    He tried to get Yvette to take the blame but she gave him one of those looks.


  31. 55
    A lawyer trying to help says:

    And where may we ask was Mrs Balls whilst this was going on?


  32. 65
    The Bog Standard Labour Party. says:

    Free Press? Good for democracy and all that jazz. It has NOT been reported in that beacon of democracy our Free Press!

    If it had been a Tory, we would never have seen an end to it!

    Come on!


  33. 70
    jgm2 says:



    [Pause for breath]


    Fuck him.


  34. 74
    jgm2 says:

    Whilst this is absolutely hilarious we do have to take care that it doesn’t get blown up out of all proportion to the point were Toxic Ned has to resign.

    He is, after all, one of Cameron’s greatest electoral assets.


  35. 81
    Bullshit 2000 The worlds leading lie detector says:

    As soon I was made aware I had been caught I went round and tried to settle out of court and I would have ot away with it if it wasnt for those pesky cops.


  36. 82
    Mondeo Man says:

    I don’t think this story will go far, he’s a very nice man.


  37. 84
    Dame Irene Ward says:

    Ed Balls said my excuse is: “I was turning round the economy in a tight spot when I crashed it, but thought no one would notice. As soon as I discovered that everyone knew I was to blame I accepted responsibility, but clearly don’t mean a word of it.”


  38. 85
    Norma Stitz says:

    So he’ll be ‘accepting the charge’, very decent of him. (how does one go about ‘refusing’ a charge?)


  39. 87
    Ed Balls' lawyer says:

    The BBC report is misleading (no surprise there then)… it suggests he will be accepting a penalty charge, but later says:

    A West Yorkshire Police spokesman said they were still consulting with prosecutors and no formal decision had been taken to proceed with a prosecution.



    • 103
      The Pompey Perve living on borrowed time says:

      Bruther Ed, Take my advice & just leave this minor traffic infringement

      to next monthly meeting of your local lodge, its what I done & there help

      has been invaluable in stringing my numerous cases out, well into

      the next century !!! although my Magaret Moran Defence is taking

      much longer than expected to be accepted by the Court something

      the Grand Master is very surprised at, given his helpful imput…..


  40. 88
    Auntie's bloomers says:

    No mention of it on the beeb ‘news’ page. What a surprise…..


  41. 97

    Reblogged this on Reblogged Blogs and commented:
    crash, bang, wallop what a Ball’s up! Another in the House of Criminals oooops sorry I mean commons!


  42. 100
    gormless voter says:

    How can a driver hit another vehicle without realising it? Must be either medically unfit to drive or under the influence of substances.
    Next time it might be a pensioner on a zebra crossing.


  43. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Nasty, brutish and short.


  44. 104
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Didn’t Harperson do something similar, leave the scene of an accident?


  45. 105
    Outraged of Toxteth says:

    “I was aware the two bumpers touched”

    Typical Labour scum. Expects somebody else to pay for his mistakes.

    You’s think that coming from a good family, he’d be well-raised. That’s what happens when you throw the baby away and keep the afterbirth.


  46. 107
    Barrack Room Lawyer says:

    Hold on! Private Drive does not equal Queen’s Highway. It’s surely a civil matter rather than criminal?


  47. 113
    i left a note on the window says:

    I wonder what else he didn’t notice. All the gold getting sold at basement prices. The lack of WMD’s, the financial crisis. Good job the CPS hasn’t got wind of that.


  48. 117

    He was probably pissed , so he fucked off rapid


  49. 121
    itwisnaemeee says:

    Should have gone a bit more left damnitttt


  50. 125
    Pabs says:

    What numbingly trivia you Tory boys get excited about.


  51. 126
    Eeyore says:

    He’ll be obliged to declare both the incident and the police charge to his insurance company. They will not hesitate to raise his premium quite sharply.

    How one’s heart bleeds.


  52. 128

    So he at first lied to the cops! Oh dear ‘perverting the course of justice’ that is and much more serious that a hit & run where no one has been injured


  53. 129
    Post hoc says:



  54. 130
    Hilda says:

    What a load of rubbish to make a political point. I guess there was a tiny knock which usually creates no mark. As for leaving the scene a load of rubbish as nobody was hurt so there’s no obligation.

    If an accident takes place and either damage or personal injury is caused then the driver of the vehicle at the time is required to stop at the scene of the accident and make him or herself available to anybody else who may need their details and their insurance policy number.To failing to stop at the scene of an accident is an offence under Section 170 of the Road Traffic Act 1988.


  55. 133
    oldseadog says:

    If as stated this was on a private road then the fuzz have no authority as the Road Traffic Acts do not apply thereon. It is a civil matter.


    • 136
      newly retired sgt says:

      wrong…….for this offence, a car park is a public place and the offence can be committed.


  56. 137
    Anonymous says:

    “in a tight spot”?
    Unable to steer a small wheeled vehicle competently? Then how about having a crack at handling the ship of state?


  57. 139
    Anonymous says:

    Actually, isn’t it what bumpers are for If you pull forward and touch someone else’s bumper that is not an accident, but if you hit body work it is.


  58. 140
    Ed Jong-mil says:

    Punishment not good, Ball should be executed public.


  59. 141
    APL says:

    “Failing to stop at the scene of an accident – max fine of £5,000 fine and 10 points on license. Will mean he loses his.”

    Perhaps Yvette will take his points for him?


  60. 142
    Rec Ed Lilliband says:

    This cannot be true as the BBC is still only reporting the cost of living crisis and the bedroom tax per my instructions


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