If Boris Johnson’s future career is dependent on his word-smithery, then his hopes of reaching No. 10 have been rapidly dashed. The Standard have the poem the Mayor wrote for a chum’s book launch:

When the RMT is out
And your tube is up the spout
And your bus is overheating
And you’ve missed a crucial meeting
Read a poem.

When you’ve been stopped from leading Labour
By your brother’s bad behaviour
Read some Wilfred Scawen Blunt
And forget the little ****.

If you’ve been driving much too fast
And Mrs Huhne has grassed
Don’t get cross at Mrs Huhne
Try some Owen or Sassoon
Read a poem.

Guido would say ‘don’t give up the day job’, but with the hunt on for safe seat, he’s not sure Boris is listening…