May 6th, 2014

Downton Dave Dines With Donors at Tory Spring Lunch

The Tories held their Spring lunch fundraiser last week, the PM joking on arrival that he misheard when his staff told him it was time to go: “I thought they said swing lunch, which would be a rather different kind of party all together.”

Among the usual auction items of weekends at Scottish Tory lairds’ Castles for hunting ‘n fishing and tickets to boxes at the opera there were a few more unusual items that caught Guido’s eye. The bidding topped £600 for Wimbledon MP Stephen Hammond to come and cook for a dinner party. He tells Guido that he is “a reasonably talented amateur chef. I normally cook for people three times a year for charity and I’ve never had any complaints. I’d do a prawn mousse to start followed by chicken breast stuffed with bacon.”

In a departure from raffling off membership to old, white, stuffy male institutions the only private club to auction membership this year was Grace, the women-only club in Belgravia where they could wear an Amanda Wakeley designer dress which went for over £3,000.

All of this will not help the Tories shed their Downton Abbey reputation – not least because Lord Fellowes donated a goody bag of box set videos and books from the upper class TV show he created.


  1. 1
    spelling counts says:

    God how I hate these people.


    • 11
      StanButler says:

      Let them eat Cake m’lordshit


      • 15
        Douchebag Dave says:

        I have nothing to offer but mass immigration, high taxes and loss of freedoms.


        • 62
          Winston says:

          …And would you be prepared to lay down your life,ww1 and ww2 style,for this country?


          • broderick crawford says:

            SUAVE DAVE SAYS

            We ve moved on since then Winnie .

            These days it s more a case of …. lay down and enjoy life.


        • 63
          The Plan is Working says:

          They’re breeding like rabbits.

          Soon the English will be gone.


    • 60
      £££££££££££££ says:

      and since downmarket shabby is largely a fiction about post-aristo’s fictions of aristo life it well suited all the participants


  2. 2
    DWP needs a better minister says:

    Time to sack i d-smith Dave


    • 18
      Senior++ says:

      I have in my hand a letter…
      from the DWP saying they over paid my pension allowance. Can we have it back pls.


  3. 3
    C.O.Jones says:

    A box set of videos, were they betamax or VHS?


    • 4
      Max says:

      Vote ukip


    • 5
      Region 1 says:

      Obama sent Brown Region 1 DVD boxset of Hitchcock films, including Psycho. At the time, people said Obama had made a mistake. I think it was a deliberate pisstake after Brown’s UN kitchen photo-op antics.


    • 6
      Anon & Voting for UKIP ORG says:

      No they were Philips N1500 video cassettes…….which have been defunct for
      at least 30+ years

      CMDD is always guaranteed to be behind the curve !!

      or on another planet…….!!!


      • 11
        Jack Dromey says:

        I’m up to date. I’ve got a 4K BluRay boxset of Denzel Washington films.


        • 21
          Anon & Voting for UKIP ORG says:

          And of course ALL paid for with funds purloined from the ever
          free flowing teat of the Unlimited Public Purse !!


        • 23
          Dislexiod says:

          I thought u said Katie Burley vids


          • Norm Normal says:

            You can see better duck lips than Kays at the pond in your local park (provided E. Euros haven’t eaten them all, could someone point them in the direction of the local food bank?)


          • jgm2 says:

            Very thin on deer around here this year too.

            I know a bloke who shoots ‘em and sells them (legally) to the curry vendors of Brick Lane. You know when it says ‘meat curry’ and you ask them what meat? Venison. Some of it.

            But the lack of deer is really noticeable this year locally.

            Somebody has put the ‘fix’ in on an industrial scale.


          • Village Idiot says:

            ….I have never seen so many rabbits as there are this year,but saw a fox,so ,the balance may even out!


    • 30
      Sue Denim says:

      Philips V2000.


    • 72
      broderick crawford says:

      Probably ” blueys” … filched from the local Vice Squad inventory store.


  4. 8
    Bingley says:

    Labour Voters

    Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
    Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
    Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
    Conventional appearance
    Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
    Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim’s life
    Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim’s affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
    Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
    Incapable of real human attachment to another
    Unable to feel remorse or guilt
    Extreme narcissism and grandiose
    May state readily that their goal is to rule the world


  5. 9
    How come this is acceptable and no one complained? says:

    I’m not saying anyone should have complained. Far from. It’s a very funny film. But no one said anything when white actor Nick Frost uttered these words.


    • 16
      Cockroach-Lenny says:

      stop posting shitty vids – this place already goes at a crawl.


    • 28
      Norm Normal says:

      Clarkson painted a target on his back. Criticised McDoom, 2 jags, climate change, labour policies.

      All those that don’t follow the ideology will be expunged. Clarkson’s a fool for making it so easy for them.


    • 35
      Trolling for points says:



      • 44
        Get fucked, you leftie cunt says:

        Hi. Still defending the religion of “peace” you leftie apologist twat? Who cares about 250 schoolgirls being sold when it’s much more trendy to be PC and scream “I****ophobia”, right?


        • 54
          jgm2 says:

          He doesn’t look like an arab slaver. Or a white slaver. He looks like a black i*s*am*ist who has captured a load of people from an opposing tribe and is looking to sell them as slaves.

          I wonder if the blacks in the US and the Carribbean can put two and two together here or will they insist on voting for Barry Hu*ss*ein O*b*m*a.


        • 67
          Anon says:

          ….It is incorrect to describe him as an “Islamist”,his actions have nothing to do with religion,rather,they are the actions of demented criminals and should not be associated with religion!….The media should call them thugs and criminals,or terrorists,certainly not “Islamists”!…There actions have nothing to do with any religion and I suggest the voices he hears are schizo!


    • 70
      Stewart Lee says:

      I also used the naughty n-word in my stand-up act on BBC2 last month.

      But I am left wing and very clever and no proples would have been watching, so it’s OK.


  6. 10
    Leftie poet says:


  7. 19
    Mr Clifford says:

    Broadcaster Stuart Hall has entered the dock in court 1 at Preston Crown Court. His rape trial is due to start today.


  8. 20
    Mornington Crescent says:

    All of this from the party that promises “real change in Europe” in the Euro elections.

    These duffers would panic if their farts smelled different.


  9. 22
    C O (Ξ7t1) says:

    Yesterday posted up some numbers for European Parliament groups derived from this site:


    Noticed that the numbers did not tally: Total MEPs 736, vs current total MEPs = 766. The europarl site is quoting the figures from the 2009 European elections which are correct.

    Total MEPs were cut to 736 by the Nice treaty in 2009, and are due to be cut to 751 as a result of Lisbon this year.

    The maximum number of MEPs / member state under Lisbon is set to be 96 (current maximum is 99 for G’ermany), and the minimum / member state will be 6. The UK’s allocation of MEPs should not be affected by the changes.

    Looking at Wiki to find total MEPs by group, and the country breakdowns has revealed some odd counting issues, compounded by what I suspect is a more reliable BBC article on the issue.

       Group  | EPP | S&D | ALDE | GREENS/EFA | ECR | GUE/NGL | EFD | NI | Tot
    BBC       | 274 | 194 |   85 |         58 |  57 |      35 |  31 | 32 | 766
    Wiki Calc | 275 | 188 |   85 |         59 |  57 |      34 |  35 | 31 | 764
    Wiki Tot  | 274 | 184 |   85 |            |     |         |  35 |    |		
    Wiki Tot2 | 274 | 195 |   85 |         58 |  56 |      35 |  33 | 30 | 766
    BBC Article updated Feb 2014
    Wiki Calc = Totals calculated from Wiki Pages
    Wiki Tot = Stated Totals on Wiki pages included in Wiki Calc
    Wiki Tot2 = Stated Totals from separate Wiki Page



    Wiki Calc:

    Wiki Tot2: h**p://

    The current total MEP allocations by member states are quoted here:


    Comparing against the calculated totals by member stated from the ‘Wiki Calc sites':

    M/State | Tot MEPs | Tot Calc Wiki
    AT      |       18 |            19
    BE      |       22 |            22
    BG      |       19 |            18
    HR      |       12 |            12
    CY      |        6 |             6
    CZ      |       22 |            22
    DK      |       12 |            13
    EE      |        6 |             6
    FI      |       13 |            13
    FR      |       75 |            74
    DE      |       99 |            99
    EL      |       21 |            22
    HU      |       22 |            22
    IE      |       13 |            12
    IT      |       74 |            73
    LV      |        8 |             9
    LT      |       12 |            12
    LU      |        6 |             6
    MT      |        6 |             6
    NL      |       26 |            26
    PL      |       52 |            51
    PT      |       21 |            22
    RO      |       33 |            33
    SK      |       13 |            13
    SI      |        8 |             8
    ES      |       53 |            54
    SE      |       19 |            20
    UK      |       73 |            73
    Tot     |      764 |           766

    12 are mismatched with the ‘Wiki Calc’ having 7 quoted under by one, and 5 over by one, accounting for a difference of two MEPs in the overall totals.

    Some lessons:

    i) The European Parliament sites do not appear to publish up to date information on European Parliamentary composition. Given that the total number of MEPs has increased by 30 from 2009 to present, and is due to go down to 751 this is actually a problem. Such volatility in the composition of the European Parliament demands that the official European sources monitor actively and publish changes accordingly: Not doing so fundamentally runs counter to transparency claims.

    ii) Wiki sites appear to be unreliable for determining the composition of the EU Parliament also. That may be due to lack of transparency which would be required in order for folk who update Wiki to do so.

    iii) I cannot account for the large S&D total figure discrepancy. The S&D site quotes its own total at 184, despite its figures summing to 188. Bringing those figures up to 194/195 level requires at least an additional 6 MEPs which have not been able to trace from the sources.


    • 25
      Chris Huhne says:



    • 42
      Ockham's Razor says:

      It is rather like when the EU calls the auditors in. They take a good look at the accounts and then refuse to sign them off.


    • 61
      Shit Stirrer Watch says:

      Never trust Wiki for facts.


    • 69
      Detest EU says:

      …So, if we did away with the EU,none of this would be relevant,and,would save a lot of earth time,which could be used for useful things,to do before we die!


  10. 29
    catesby says:

    Hey can we organize a protest against this wimmin only club in Belgravia!


  11. 39
    hamsters says:

    Comedian Freddie Starr will not be prosecuted for any offence after allegations of sex offences, CPS says


  12. 49
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Dennis Rodman claims Kim Jong-un’s uncle was not executed

    There is in fact a perfectly acceptable reason why his head is 100 miles from the rest of his body.


  13. 52
    Gay Gordon McMental says:

    I can’t understand why the unemployed are refusing to take zero-hours jobs. I’m perfectly happy with mine.


  14. 53
    Ockham's Razor says:

    A pity Aurélie Filippetti is a socialist.

    Her politics do not stand up well even if her legs do…


  15. 58
    mk mind kill alpha beta theta ultra says:

    monarch butterflies were found in the 60s to be able to retain intergenerational memories. it’s how butterflies can move from one territory to the next without their parents, who die before they make their trek; moving from north-east to north-west, south-west to south-east and back again. the idea for monarch programming was to find people who had a family history of being abused and subject them to trauma, since they would be more receptive to the treatment and their consciousness fragmented in a more effective manner.


    your disgusting satanic hive is caving in on itself and since you have assumed to have my consent i simply pass on my consent to those who are trying to out you- do whatever it takes to finish these evil bastards.


  16. 68
  17. 76
    Bullingdon Bertie says:

    “I thought they said swing lunch, which would be a rather different kind of party all together.”

    Now….where’s my old mate “Fishy Fingers” Ross when I most need him! He seems to have gone all low profile since the grand “Brass” escapade went public!


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