May 1st, 2014

Bercow Email to MPs on Parliament Perv Hotline

To all Members

At its meeting last month, the Members Estimate Committee agreed that the House should subscribe to a confidential helpline for all Members’ staff. This service will act as a safety net designed to complement the existing pastoral care and the internal processes that have been put in place by the main political parties.

I am pleased to announce that Heath Assured have been commissioned to provide this service, which will be run initially as a pilot scheme for a year, commencing today. If the pilot proves successful, a full tender process will take place later this year.

Health Assured offer a confidential telephone helpline to allow staff to discuss personal and professional issues, including health and well-being information, financial issues including debt, stress at home or work, and relationship matters. Additionally, face-to-face counselling sessions can be offered where appropriate.

A range of online facilities is also available. Communications will be sent to all staff in the coming days and I hope you will also promote the service within your Westminster and constituency offices. 

John Bercow

Speaker

The consensus among parliamentary researchers is that Bercow’s vanity hotline will do nothing to change the culture of pervy MPs…


154 Comments

  1. 1
    Little Berk says:

    Dear Deidre….

  2. 2
    Owen Jones says:

    Have you had a slip or fall at work.Found a penis up you bottom that wasn’t yours?
    Then call Speakers 4U

  3. 3
    Fed up Joe Public & all voting UKIP ORG says:

    Its what all of our elected para*sitis, pim*ps & lee*ches aka MPs do,
    as they talk down to us & state its there divine right handed down from
    on high to them alone & they will not be accountable to anyone least of all
    the filthy stinking revolting masses……

    Vote UKIP & take OUR country back from them….

  4. 4
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Will it be hackable for entertainment purposes?

  5. 5
    'John' from London says:

    I think my wife is cheating on me, and all my colleagues hate me. What can I do?

  6. 6
    Diddley says:

    Does the existing ‘pastoral care’ system include ‘tucking you in’ at night?

  7. 7
    Fishy says:

    PS: So do my constituents

  8. 8
    Nick Cleggs foreskin says:

    How much is this fucking costing us?

  9. 9
    Nick Cleggs foreskin says:

    hahahahahahaha

  10. 10
    Cinna says:

    And Sally will be around soon to tuck you up nicely.

  11. 11
    Drummond Base says:

    I am pleased to announce that Heath Assured have been commissioned to provide this service

    Translation: taxpayers will be forking out more money because MPs can’t control their coqs.

  12. 12
    LibLabCon says:

    Keep smearing UKIP, don’t talk about the sexual assaults by us lot!

  13. 13
    Cinna says:

    “Health Assured offer a confidential telephone helpline to allow staff to discuss personal and professional issues, including health and well-being information, financial issues including debt, stress at home or work, and relationship matters”.

    FFS! You couldn’t make it up.

  14. 14
    Vince Cables Abacus says:

    Not a lot, really.

  15. 15
    There's a bloke called Ed on line one john says:

    There’s a man I work opposite….he..sorry I have to compose myself…he regularly tries to intimidate me and often makes me look a fool in front of others.
    His name?David Cameron.
    Can you help me Mr Speaker?

  16. 16
    Graville Jenner says:

    I could do with a helpline right now.

  17. 17
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    Cuts cause fraud trial to collapse | David Cameron’s brother has trial halted because of government’s legal aid cuts http://bit.ly/1ks0Fm6

  18. 18
    P Bone MP VD SCAR and Overdraft says:

    I think they’ll be a great help and Mrs Bone agrees…

  19. 19
    Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

    face-to-face counselling sessions can be offered where appropriate.

    Sounds pretty flukin dodgy to me, more like face to Dick

  20. 20
    Anonymous says:

  21. 21
    Only Arskin says:

    Heath assured . . .

    Does that mean you get taken out and fucked and fiddled with on Hampstead Heath as part of your ‘Heath’ care ???

  22. 22
    Mark Wouters says:

    Sovietsalami63 Here!!!,
    CAMERON CLEGG AND HAGUE ARE JUST A SET OF OLD SCRUBBERS!Why don’t they just get on their bikes (NOT US) and ride off into the yonder of their dreams ,because dreams have all they’ve got ,or will ever get,go on you three and piss off out of our Lives FOREVER!!!

  23. 23
    Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

    you Lucky buggers, or should I say buggered!

  24. 24
    Advice says:

    Get the wife to be photographed looking down and depressed and imply health issues from all the hassle, and the £200k is yours.

  25. 25
    Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

    you have a severe lack of gratitude, Sir.

    Your all in it ah hahaha hhahaaaaa together.

    You need coun cell ing; Call Health Assured

  26. 26
    and adds says:

    I disappeared years ago

  27. 27
    Sheffield says:

    Yeah you C*NT you’re fucking finished!

  28. 28
    Koba says:

    These people can’t control themselves in any respect and they are responsible for making laws that everyone else has to abide by, including those that may have an perverse or offensive moral objective. Yes it’s politics but these people aren’t moral are they?

  29. 29
    jack Ketch says:

    Reported in 2008
    “Laws created in Elizabethan times define idiots as “incapable of gaining reason” and lunatics as capable of only periods of lucidity.
    They are banned from becoming MPs “in their non lucid intervals”.
    The ancient laws also ban anyone sectioned under the Mental Health Act from putting themselves forward for election, even if they have fully recovered, and require MPs to give up their seat for life if they are sectioned for six months.”
    A survey of MPs in 2008 found only 27 per cent admitted to suffering some kind of mental health problem.
    TWENTY-SEVEN PER CENT ADMITTED IT!
    Will the help service allow sufferers to more rapidly identified and locked up in Bedlam or Barming?

  30. 30
    MI5 says:

    *Click*

  31. 31
    Nothing worse than an ugly person with no power says:

    When MPs had power it acted as an aphrodisiac and young men/women would throw themselves at our Politicians.
    Now the power is in Brussels it’s the MPs who are throwing themselves at the young men/women.
    Hence the need for this helpline.

  32. 32
    Pissed off Taxpayer says:

    Yet mor taxpayers’ money being pissed down the drain because of DISHONOURABLE members.

    Fucking Westminster elite shit.

  33. 33
    m'Lud Prezza, NooLieBore Illumination and Apology says:

    That gal – forget her name – thort she was gonna one up her snatch – but nothin ‘append like.

    Shame really – bent over a desk like that

    Mind you I ain’tgot no a levorls – i was Tones departy tho

  34. 34
    Ivor says:

    Hello. I’m going through a lot of stress about worrying what will happen if Gerry will find out what I said about all the other murders. I wonder if you have any – uh, hello, uh-
    Ahh Gerry – Aw Sh!t! Wrong f*cking number! Never use f*cking speed dial.

  35. 35
    Zero hours carer/bumwiper says:

    I’ll nip round in a bit love & put a shine on your rusty bullet hole.

  36. 36
    The Public says:

    That is a very unfair question. How can he possibly know?

    He will have to serve the first part of this prison timebefore repatriation to Holland to finish the rest of his sentence.

  37. 37
    Mr Jelly (but you may call me ‘Dave’) says:

    I’m not going to mention the Party that is destroying the Tory Party, and about which no-one will talk.

    Mind you, I haven’t got a clue what the Tory Party is either!!

    So no worries there!!!!

    HaHAHa!!

  38. 38
    Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

    The lesson is simple. Only indulge in very complex fraud, hide the cqsh, plead poverty and get a extremely well connected barristzer to represent you for nothing;

    I hope all you benefit cheats have taken note;

    Goopd luck, suckers!

  39. 39
    albacore says:

    Heath Assured? Is that a Freudian slip
    Surely our M Ps can just let it rip
    They pay no heed to those they are “serving”
    Why stop at a bit of common perving?

  40. 40
    Guido Fawkes says:

    Bobby Sands died for his beliefs,Gerry Adams had hundreds of people killed for his.I hope this time he’s prosecuted but I have my doubts.

  41. 41
    Rinka the Dog says:

    The stepladder to my bed has broken and I’m stranded on the floor. What can I do to relieve my frustration?

  42. 42
    Zero hours carer/bumwiper says:

    You go into a toilet stall and stick your dick through the conveniently situated hole. Then a highly experienced liberal democrat will give you a close & confidential examination.

  43. 43
    Taxpayer says:

    Let’s just banish all the spads, researchers and other asssorted hangers-on.

  44. 44
    The Brussels Tw.at says:

    Was this contract fully advertised throughout all member states as
    required by EUSSR regulations, before it was awarded to Heath (un)Assured ??

    There will be grave consequences IF the EUSSR edicts have not been
    correctly implemented.

  45. 45
    Health Assured says:

    Please hold your call is important to us. And don’t forget to put the handset in your other hand once you reach 99.

  46. 46
    Gordon Brown says:

    I’ve got constant 24/7 care in a Secure Unit

  47. 47
    HoC drinks menu says:

  48. 48
    Al*x Wickham says:

    Sinn Fein Boss Gerry Adams Wanted This Murder Bust http://thebea.st/1hfKENP

  49. 49
    Name and address supplied says:

    I have this thing for little old men in drab suits I can’t help getting a boner when I see one.
    Of course sitting opposite Angela Eagle doesn’t help she just fuels my desire.

  50. 50
    Raving Loon says:

    Clegg coming out (so to speak) as openly pro-EU is about as popular position as free bus passes for paedos.

    He couldn’t be more detached from the public if he tried.

  51. 51
    ATOS says:

    We’re definitely bidding for this contract

  52. 52
    Mugs says:

  53. 53
    hh says:

    That Toynbee woman speaks from her ringpiece

    I have 6 students on my books on zero hours contracts, they earn £1000+ one month then a few hundred the next

    If they play up they get no work, if they are good they get more

    I am just losing two lads to the Army, the flexibility of zero hours has helped them and me

  54. 54
    He doth protest too much says:

  55. 55
    An Englishman says:

    If you get it I bet you won’t be able to pass a single one of the fuckers fit for fucking work!

  56. 56
    Sir Gaylord Feelem-Upp says:

    How dare that insolent pygmy try and stop me molesting the male interns. Next he’ll be saying I can’t defraud my expenses.

  57. 57
    Janet Street-Porter says:

    Dear Deidre,

    I’ve got nine men in my life. Can I take another?

  58. 58
    Nick Lowles says:

    And he’s mates with me, a tubby communist who gets public money to call UKIP racists on behalf of the mainstream parties.

  59. 59
    C O (Ξ7r1) says:

    More on climate change de-bolloxed:

    This paper from 1992 on the inadvertent modification of weather systems by urban development is worth a skim read:

    http://journals.ametsoc.org/doi/pdf/10.1175/1520-0477%281992%29073%3C0619%3AIWMIUA%3E2.0.CO%3B2

    Important points to note from back them – and put these into perspective with the current doom and gloom warnings from the UN et al.:

    i) The forward projections for climate change according to the models (which can be regarded with a big pinch of b/s) predict changes which are significantly less than those observed which took place over the 100 years prior to 1992.

    Further observations indicate that:

    a) People and societies successfully adapted to those major changes in local climate brought about by development activity.

    b) There was a noticeable socio-economic split in city dwellers. Those who had the economic means to do so relocated into suburban areas mainly to seek improved climates over that which developed in heavily developed inner cities. Those who could not or chose not to relocate successfully adapted.

    – That should bring the ‘we are helpless’ aspect of the argument with respect to change into a fully political focus. Such propaganda slant and distortion from empirically observed fact exposes clearly the left wing bias that the recent environmental debate has been subjected to.

    ii) No one knows with any real certainty what will transpire next.

    A good example of this is presented by early 20th century studies of urban development on cloud patterns and rainfall. The hypothesis then was that clouds would be more affected in colder months as they were lower in the sky and closer to the developed areas.

    Observation has proven the opposite: Urban development has affected summer clouds more, leading to an increase in rainfall as a result of more storms, in those areas.

    Lots more in that paper worth reading :-)

    Human induced changes of local climates are not a major problem for either societies or individuals – both have successfully adapted in the past and there is no reason to suspect they will not with predicted lesser changes in the future.

    It does not follow that changes in local climate translate to changes at the global level, but as more of the land surface is urbanized, the urban effect on atmospheric weather patterns will become more prominent, but that does not imply dominant.

  60. 60
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    24/7 counseling available for short arses with image problems, fraudulent expense transactions and/or issues with a slut piss head wife.

  61. 61
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, LieBore or the Limp Dumbs says:

    So, in that case fagash Farage has nothing to hide when it comes to empoying his wife AND his ex nobinatrix as his p.a. using his EU allowances.

    But I guess we can’t talk about that sort of thing without the swivellies going all hydrophoebicly frothy.

    Don’t mention his hastilly closed “Education Trust” on the Isle of Mann either. I did once, but I think I got away with it.

  62. 62
    Stevie Wonder says:

    I think you’re gorgeous, and if I was deaf as well I could tolerate your voice.

  63. 63
    Nigel F says:

    No nonces found yet in UKIP and no cover ups of them. That puts us ahead of the rest of you.

  64. 64
    Zip Up your Doohdah! says:

    F in A!!!
    :) :) :) x 1m!

  65. 65
    C O (Ξ7r1) says:

    Should point out that Lesson five in the above document is worth looking at:

    ‘Think globally but act locally’

    – Ring any bells from Common Purpose ?

    The context here is that to address any issues relating to global climate change – changes which have not been definitely proven to exist – requires local policy coordinated with others working towards addressing a global concern.

    In 1992 the US only contributed 1/4 of CO2 and it was recognized that the US working alone to cut its emissions would serve no practical benefit.

    The UK / EU’s commitments to these targets in the face of developing nations – particularly the BRICS – significantly increasing their production of CO2 makes even less sense.

  66. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Does Bercow think to-day is 1st April, not May?

  67. 67
  68. 68
    Guido Fawkes says:

    After this “malicious campaign” I wonder if Gerry Adams, expects to be tortured, executed and disappeared.

  69. 69
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “I hope you will also promote the service within your Westminster and constituency offices.”

    Failing that, I would be grateful if you would at least try to refrain from getting legless on the public purse at every opportunity and then thumping, groping and/or chatting up the first person you see.

    Yours faithfully,

    Mister Squeaker.

  70. 70
    Martin McGuinness says:

    Where are my fucking expenses! Move! Now!

  71. 71
    Ah! Mummy's little darling says:

    “I know the F word, the C word and the T word, but what is the N word? “

  72. 72
    Socialism is theft says:

    So the taxpayer foots the bill for Liblabcon sexual abuse. How surprising.

  73. 73
    The Internet says:

    “At exactly the same time Nick Clegg was at Cambridge, records show someone by the name of N. Clegg joined the Cambridge University Conservative Association between 1986 and 1987. Clegg however maintains he has “no recollection whatsoever” of joining the association.”

    “After university, Clegg then worked for EU Trade Commissioner and senior Conservative Party member, Leon Brittan in his private office, as his speech writer and adviser.”

  74. 74
    Off topic virus alert says:

    My anti virus software blocked a virus on a piece on the BBC’s site covering Nigel Farage. Somebody is desperate about something.

  75. 75
    Dangerous Brian says:

    I think that I could stand the stress and pressure of a train ride to London on Monday pm and a tootle back on Thursday with an occasional Friday morning in the constituency office.
    I think I could poke up with cheap beer, free digs, 12 weeks holiday and the odd Carribean “fact finder”.
    I would certain love £65k pa basic and lots more to be had on the side.
    What I couldnt stand is “working” alongside the grasping bunch of self centred europhile equality obsessed to*s-pots that masquerade as “serious politicians” currently serving on all sides of both houses.
    Apox on the lot of them, vote UKIP if only for the hell ofit.

  76. 76
    Britain, becoming more sensible now by the day says:

    Oh dear, there is no hope for them. “Clear the chambers”should be a permanent instruction little john and let’s have some of what we once called common sense.

    They barely work, they are subsidised, they need no qualifications, they have the best pension out there, safety nets galore and they need a helpline.

    Moniker refers to the people not you lot.

  77. 77
    Britain, becoming more sensible now by the day says:

    Do the States not want him. They seem to go in for these things.

  78. 78

    CARRY ON hands up skirts and down trousers, innit!

  79. 79
    Count me out of Camp Nigel says:

    Boot Camp Nigel into counselling.

  80. 80
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

  81. 81
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    I have no recollection of Royal Mail.

  82. 82
    Sexminster says:

  83. 83
    Mark Oaten (LibDem) says:

    I always thought that ‘ Clear the chambers’ was my cue to empty the House chamber pots.

  84. 84
    @hateliebour says:

    I think the stress and pressure is due to the continuous lieing and having to remember which lie you told to who, it must be hard work keeping track, especially when your trying to keep track of your troughing.

  85. 85
    Anonymous says:

    He’s the wanker who thinks Clegg trounced Farage in the EU debates.

  86. 86
    Sexminster says:

  87. 87
    Socialism is theft says:

    If it’s been done by Bercow surely it should be Elf Assured?

  88. 88
    @hateliebour says:

    Liebour are hurting, the should be putting out PR for themselves and not UKIP, thanks you Liebour for the free PR, remember all PR good or bad is PR.

  89. 89
    Ed Miliband says:

    I am pleased to announce that most of the women on my front bench wont be requiring the services of Heath assured because they’re so damn ugly.

  90. 90
    Advisor says:

    You are suffering from word conflation. You should be able to get benefit from it – providing you are not white, heterosexual or clearly proficient in English.

  91. 91
    @hateliebour says:

    I thought he was there to clear the cess pit, he does a very poor job of doing it.

  92. 92
  93. 93
    A Tip says:

    You need to ferret about among his social activities. For instance, yu could have a look at social events like weddings he was invited to and in particular, weddings where he played a role such as usher. Ask things like: Whose wedding? Who else was there? Who else was an usher? ;)

  94. 94
    Sexminster says:

  95. 95
    Daily Bellylaugh says:

    David Cameron has denied the arrest of Tony Blair was “politically motivated”.

    “This is entirely and rightly so an independent police matter. There has been an ongoing investigation into obstruction of justice for a period of time now as is a well known matter of public record.”

  96. 96
    :) says:

    The truth will set you free.

  97. 97
    que? says:

    how many british MPs have been arrested or charged over murder in the north of ireland

  98. 98
    helpful says:

    Nigel?

  99. 99
    Pookie Snackumberger says:

    Can labour do nothing other than lie?

  100. 100
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “The respected political aide, who mixes in the highest circles at ­Westminster, said they enjoyed a ­series of sordid encounters at gay fetish club The Hoist in London.

    “According to the 53-year-old adviser they had sex in a room of the club, which holds “spanking and ­ punishment” parties, on several ­occasions between 2003 and 2008.”

  101. 101
    Lard Everard says:

  102. 102
    Some BS says:

    Or the G word

    Garage which sounds like Farage if you have a pint in your gob

    Then there’s Grolly which is likely in you Subway sarni

  103. 103
    UKID DING says:

  104. 104
    EU Allowances says:

    I believe in our EU Parliament you do what Roger Helmer does…have a nice kip. Thats ok with us as long as we see the claim forms arriving.

    Apart from that there is F8ck all to do in a place that you don’t recognise.

  105. 105
    Father Analpolyp says:

    “Well Hallooh, er Kerry; are all Health Assured telephone consultants as sexy-voiced as you? Haha .. seriously, I’m an MP and I’ve got a sexual problem, quite a big one, really in fact sooo big I can’t keep it in my trousers … did you hear the zip there? Now just … talk … me … through … how …to … er … deal … with …it …aaargh oooh yesss haaaaaargh oh! oh! oh! Yess YES!

    Thank you so much, er, Kerry – let me just get a tissue – I shall definitely be using Health Assured quite often in future; not only a special service but free for MPs haha…”

  106. 106
    Some hairy old slut cum 'cownslur' says:

    Or I can be on my front – or on top – if you prefer

  107. 107
    Common sense says:

    If you disagree with UKIP and Farage then vote for someone else. Don’t behave like a petulant child and throw eggs at him. Preventing him from canvassing is subverting the democratic process which means you attack everyone. I will vote UKIP – as much to piss off these lefties who fail to tolerate anyone but themselves as to support UKIP’s EU cause.

  108. 108
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    THINK OF ALL THE LOVELY MANSION TAX I’LL COLLECT ! :)

  109. 109
    A BBC Tosser says:

    oh f8ck it was that BBC turd I aimed at

  110. 110
    ukhitcher says:

    Its hardly as if all these little hangers on are not prepared to offer some booty in return for a leg up is it?

    As an aside just how many young black boys work in Ken Clarkes office?

    Ken the equal opportunity bummer

  111. 111
    Your comment is awaiting moderation says:

    Your comment is awaiting moderation…WTF ?

  112. 112
    SIZE 15 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

    If that was the real UKIP manifesto they would be weighing, not counting their votes!

  113. 113
    Someone says:

    In 20 years you’ll be dead, old man. Anyway, you have collected enough dosh for one lifetime.

  114. 114
    ukhitcher says:

    Those all seem like good reasons to vote UKIP
    Somethng that all the lefty pant wetter just dont get

  115. 115
    Someone says:

    This means he’s really getting his message across.

  116. 116
    SIZE 15 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

    Maybe a rise in interest rates would make houses more affordable in the long run , it might also help us to get a decent return on our savings.

  117. 117
    Dave Cameron, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband says:

    This proves we should remain in Europe.

  118. 118
    Lone Ranger says:

    Excellent shot – but it just makes people more determined than ever to vote UKIP.

    Vote UKIP!

  119. 119
    ukhitcher says:

    A young french lady sings a charming song about the benefits of voting UKIP

    She most certainly wouldnt appeal to the average bum bandit MP

  120. 120
    Your comment is awaiting moderation says:

    Your girl is awaiting moderation !!

  121. 121
    @hateliebour says:

    I wonder if he can claim getting his suit cleaned on expenses or do UKIP have to pay for it, he’s certainly hurting the LibLabCons, panic must be setting in.

  122. 122
    cbr100rr says:

    I can’t flash people then./

  123. 123
    John Bellingham says:

    Isn’t Leon Brittan, um, er, “not as other men are”?

  124. 124
    Fucking dis custard says:

    can I come

  125. 125
    Patriot says:

    British egg throwers are up among the best in the world. There is no need to bring in cheap Romanian egg throwers.

  126. 126
    Fucking dis custard says:

    She hasn’t got a ring piece

  127. 127
    Fucking dis custard says:

    Geoffrey I love you

  128. 128
    Underneath the arches says:

    Start today and email/twit all your friends to do the same. With luck they will be penniless by the end of May and may come to their senses. If not, they can fuckov back to America where they came from.

  129. 129
    give us a clue says:

    Which political party?

  130. 130
    Village Idiot says:

    ….The effect “UKIP” is having on those with an opposing view is wondrous to behold,brings out the real charm and personality of these people,and,probably gives UKIP another few supporters!…What next?….Oh!….eggs……probably assault,…in broad daylight,on an English St,home of the legend,Robin Hood;..one of his merry men I expect?

  131. 131
    The view from Haifa says:

    “All calls will be monitored and recorded for, er, “training” purposes. We promise there will be no blackmail efforts in the future to whatever it is you want to confess to”.

  132. 132
    Fucking dis custard says:

    Did you see her knickers?

  133. 133
    Fucking dis custard says:

    I’ve been there it’s crap

  134. 134
    John Bellingham says:

    They haven’t mentioned the bit about the pitchforks, flaming torches and lamp-posts.

  135. 135
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Hoorah + 10000000

  136. 136
    michael says:

    Well if they must fill the place with voracious – tree shagging – predatory feminists, what can we expect. They’ll be whipping up lunch box and buttock ogling parades next.

  137. 137
    DerrIn Brown Full Time W@nker for C4 and criminal lying smearing leech says:

    I need counselling.

  138. 138
    Holly says:

    Wonder how many times this grotty little man will have to use it, because of ‘her indoors’?
    Tee hee…
    Great smoke screen Bercow.
    Going by his performance yesterday, it looks like he is no longer sleeping on the sofa.

  139. 139
    Sally Bercow says:

    Please help.

    I cannot keep dressing up as Cinderella & taking 2 inches from Dopey.

  140. 140
    Mortgage Consultant says:

    Sorry sir/madam,

    but unless you can guarantee an income of £x every month, it is impossible to give you a mortgage. You will have to piss your money down the drain on high rents. Have you considered voting LibLabCon?

  141. 141
    Edjookayshafoab says:

    Are you trying to spell hydrophobic, you lefty retard?

  142. 142
    CEO says:

    Did no one ever teach you how to fucking summarise?

  143. 143
    Who are the Fascist boot boys? says:

    That would be the ones doing the attacking.

  144. 144
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, LieBore or the Limp Dumbs says:

    Bugger …modded for the old BN pee mistake:

    Yep… And am right wing fucktard to you, typing too quickly, but thanks for the heads up. Which, incidentally, is what the UKRAP swivellies have up their collective 4rses if they think the one man band that is their new teddy is going to be anything other than a protest vote, a la BN Pee / Barking of old.

    But, hey, knock yourself out at the EU elections… I might even vote for UKRAP myself, just to put a rocket up the Tories.

  145. 145
    Deeply Offended says:

    …..What a bloody thing to do; what are they playing at?

  146. 146
    broderick crawford says:

    Yes of course Nads is right .

    All girls to be forced to wear chastity belts until 20 and all boys to be circumcised at 11 so it will hurt for the next nine years and revoke all thoughts of sex .

    ( at least it will raise the age of unmarried motherhood and save a few bob of my tax on canhsel arses/bennies for the poor dears )

  147. 147
    broderick crawford says:

    No …. but it does include a specially appointed Senior Counselling Task Force to handle the one on one sessions .

    Current candidates : Handycock , Deputy Squeaker , that Jones boy off of Clapham Common , Lord Cannard and Jacques Harperson .

    All recognized experts on ORAL communication on which they will be expected to set great stead.

  148. 148
    broderick crawford says:

    No but change the first consonant after the opening quotation mark
    and you ‘ve nailed it (excuse the pun )

  149. 149
    broderick crawford says:

    That explains why she s always talking shit.

  150. 150
    broderick crawford says:

    BREAKING NEWS : FARAGE ARRESTED !

    Accused of the sectarian killing of the Tory Party.

  151. 151
    Osbo says:

    They can’t do a forecast beyond a month, it’s bollocks.

    When are interest rates going to rise?

  152. 152
    Cynic2 says:

    “pastoral care”

    Next we will see Pope Bercow taking Confession. I assume Sally will be first in

  153. 153
    SIZE 15 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

    We can’t stand much more of this , the only way they can stop us voting for UKIP is if they show this video over and over on May 22nd on the BBC all the faggots will be out voting Tory and Labour!

  154. 154
    cbr100rr says:

    I live in France and you can flash people whever you want there.


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath


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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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