And lo, it was Eastertide, and David spake unto the Church Times that Britain was indeed a Christian country. And it came to pass that godless pinkos wrote unto the Telegraph that David had sinned, for he had offended them. Despite 59% of Britons describing themselves as Christians in the most recent census, Britain having an established church and the Head of State being nominally still the Defender of the Anglican Faith.

The signatories to the letter – among them Labour donor Ken Follett, Labour peers Baroness Whittaker and Lord O’Neill, Labour-supporting QC Geoffrey Bindman, former Welsh Labour AM Lorraine Barrett, Denis MacShane’s ex Joan Smith, and Polly Toynbee – are very angry about Dave using the phrase “Christian country“. Apparently saying so “fosters alienation and division in our society“. For some reason they did not feel the need to write a letter to a national newspaper ten days ago, when Ed “One Nation” Miliband on a visit to Israel said that Britain was quote

“a Christian country”

Using religion for partisan political ends? Who would do such a thing?

Nigel Farage, who cynics think is the real catalyst for Cameron’s recent remarks on traditional Christian values, has just told viewers of ITV’s Daybreak “I’ve been saying for years that Britain should be more muscular in its Christianity.” Cameroon modernisers and their friends in the commentariat think that Dave talking about faith will impress older UKIP voters put off by the government’s advocacy of gay marriage. Shows their cluelessness…