April 18th, 2014

10 Things You Need to Know About Axelrod

1. He doesn’t come over very well on TV:

2. Axelrod has worked for several disgraced or failed politicians. These include Italian technocrat Prime Minister Mario Monti, who was booted out of office last year after only managing to win 10% of the vote following his 2013 Axelrod-managed campaign. 

3. Axelrod started out young working for the machine politician Richard M. Daley, the Chicago mayor whose administration was always mired in corruption.

4. He also worked for Eliot Spitzer, who infamously resigned as Governor of New York over a hookers scandalRod Blagojevich, the former Governor of Illinois who is now serving a 14 year prison term for corruption.   John Edwards, who was indicted for allegedly using campaign funds to cover up an extra-marital affair. Adlai Stevenson III, whose disastrous campaign for Governor of Illinois in 1986 was described by Axelrod himself as a “nightmare“.



6.  He was frozen out of the Whitehouse by an ungrateful Obama and Jim Messina who sent him packing back to Chicago. Jim Messina was hired by the Tories last year. Despite both being Democrats who worked for Obama, they hate each other.

7. Richard Wolffe in his bookThe Message: The Reselling of President Obama described Axelrod as “insecure” and “fretted about his status, not least after getting pushed out of the West Wing, and he loved to be courted by TV producers. The fleeting fame of TV punditry offered some comfort from the harsh critique that came from internal political disputes…”. Wolffe writes that Axelrod is “scattershot”, “indecisive” and “shambling” and a man who would “drip” food on whatever shirt or tie he happened to be wearing. No wonder he gets on well with Ed Miliband…

8. Weirdly considering he’s just agreed to advise Ed, he believes personality is more important than policy: “the candidate is the message. The important thing is to tell a positive story about the candidate rather than to muddy the narrative with lots of talk about policy details.

9. He was a partner in the consultancy firm AKPD, also hired by Labour as part of the package. Which suggests the party doesn’t think Blue Stage Digital alone is cutting the mustard tweeting infographics. The last presidential campaign AKPD worked on before Obama was Al Gore. He lost.

10. It is spelt “A X E L R O D”.



This morning wee Dougie told the Today programme that Axelrod has a winning track record. His CV suggests otherwise…


  1. 1
    Ockham's Razor says:

    Only one thing you need to know:

    He is working for a bunch of c’unts so probably is one himself.


    • 30
      Jessicacacaca Reed, Guardian middle-class "liberal", pre-packaged dopey pc opinions on twitter says:

      FFS stop talking about white males. You need to embrace diversity or with Leveson we’ll force you to do it.

      Head – Desk.



      • 41
        Keep 'em well fucked and poorly shod says:

        You need to get something straight


      • 54
        C O (Ξ7q1) says:

        It should be noted that O’bama’s victory over R’omney was not exactly overwhelming – arguably in the grey area of statistical error.

        It should also be noted that the main reason for O’bama’s win was because most of white America did not bother voting, given the obvious issue with the Dem candidate and the second choice being a M’ormon.


        • 100

          Thinking of modding you for the stupid ‘s all the time.


          • ugtu67 says:

            . WTF is a fan of a foreign despot ra c is t colony doing advising western leaders, Guido?


          • Bloke says:

            His fake bleeding-heart concern for those folks who want to share in the rightful prosperity that is denied them barely conceals his greedy glee at having landed one fat gig funded by the British taxpayer. And anyone who turns up the corners of his mouth in that phony smirk whilst talking lies is guaranteed to be a complete bag of shit.

            Still, it’s going to be fun watching him complete the disconnect of The Ink Monitor from any ordinary person.


          • Bloke says:

            Surely ‘ss (but NOT ‘s’s)?


    • 42
      the 11th thing you didn't know..etc... says:

      at least his parents didn’t call him L’wren


    • 65
      Gordon Brown says:

      British jobs for British workers


    • 86
      Tesco is a pile of shite says:

      Did anyone hear ex-Chicagoan Bonnie Greer singing his praises last night on the News 24 discussion of today’s headlines? She sounded as if she was about to burst into tears at the second coming. It was a whitewash clearly orchestrated and rehearsed.


      • 89
        True story says:

        Bonnie Greer came last in an IQ test thus proving her theory that the test is skewed against black people.
        When the test was re jigged to include running and jumping type activity she came second in the test.
        So there you have it.
        The current IQ test is bias in favour of whites,asians and orientals.
        In fact anyone that isn’t black.


    • 92
      GoneAway says:

      Another Chicago apparatchik.


    • 101
      RichUpNorth says:

      Q :….. and what did you learn from the 2015 UK election Mr Alexroad?
      A : You can’t polish a turd!


      • 105
        Mrs Ordinary person - not fooled by Labour says:

        Even tho’ you roll that turd in glitter – the turd is still a turd. (Msg to Labour party.)


      • 118
        Tom Catesby. says:

        Looking at the unfortunate track record of Mr Axelrod, Can we expect to see Milliband go the same way in 2015?


    • 103
      If you hate Britain vote Labour says:

      Ed demonstrated a profound sense of where we need to go and when wee Dougie called and asked if I would be willing to get involved I asked him how much he’d be willing to pay me if I did.

      What a tool !

      Where are Labour getting the money from – don’t they have to repay the Co-op Bank the money they owe?


    • 120
      Jeffrey Bernard says:

      He’s a hoon.


  2. 2
    Ed M says:

    Threwth, he thoundth like an even bigger lother than me!

    What idiot hired him?


    • 33
      Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

      A Dream Team!!!!

      What could possibly go wrong, Ed?


    • 94
      Ed Unter says:



    • 110
      NE Frontiersman says:

      Everything he says in the clip above sounds like a tepid echo of what Labour is saying anyway, so he knew what buttons to push at the selection interview.
      He won’t make them lose worse, so he may as well come along for the ride; a job’s a job, after all.

      I do wonder about the work permit angle, though.


  3. 3
    Envy is one of the seven deadly sins says:

    The smear campaigns start.


  4. 4
    Willy Hague says:

    Squeaky bum time!


  5. 6
    Con Rod says:

    Sure and begorrah!!! Poisonality ’tis more important dan policy!!!!

    Now where’s da toilet tingy – oy’v got da intestinal hurry!!!


    • 82
      still walking into darkness says:

      David Axelrod, rich, foreign influencer, linked to corruption, a proven consistent loser, narcissistic, overpaid. One in the eye for those who say opposites attract.


  6. 7
    For the sake of accuracy says:

    Gore didn’t lose. The eventual count that was stopped by the judges who were friends of the Bush family confirmed that Gore won. It was a presidency stolen by the Bush/Cheney junta.


  7. 11
    DWWolds says:

    It will be interesting to see whether Labour can still afford his fees when the bankrupted Co-op decides it can no afford to contribute towards their funds.


  8. 12
    Read all about it says:

    Axle grease and turd polish salesman arrives from America in his covered wagon Promises to help Labour win the next election for a ‘small’ fee.


  9. 13
    Crisp Ackham says:

    He could be Socrates, Shakespeare and Machiavelli rolled into one. But as long as Labour think Ed Miliband and Ed Balls are a good idea all the money they’re spending on this “guru” is going to be wasted.


    • 28
      Idon'tneednodoctor says:

      Is the Co-op funding him?


      • 58
        Anonymous says:

        Can labour afford to hire anyone? No cash from the unions, no cash from the CO-OP. Sounds like a job for Rev. Flowers.


        • 60
          Peter Hain says:

          Labour has plenty of cash. We just don’t always remember where they have put it. How else do so many of us politicians end up as millionaires?


          • Tesco is a pile of shite says:

            Precisely, Mr Hain. What I don’t understand is why someone on the government benches points this out again and again, or is it simply that the moron Clegg has stamped his foot and won’t allow it?


  10. 15
    Labour=Waste says:


    Labour need Dynorod to get rid of the toxic Ed Balls and the stench of waste, debt and corruption.


  11. 17
    Labour employ illegal aliens says:

    Hopefully he has a valid work permit this time


    • 96
      UKBA - we're open to criticism and just about anything else says:

      Nar, they sneaked him into the UK illegally inside a Iso Container of old Stalinist memorabilia…


  12. 19
    Stromboli says:

    How does a bozo like Axelrod manage to keep securing such lucrative jobs? According to the Telegraph, he “will be paid a six-figure sum”.


  13. 21
    albacore says:

    With Cameron as the current loss-leader
    Labour could sell any silly sod bleeder
    And they’d be sold right out in next to no time
    Either way, though, your vote ain’t worth a plugged dime


  14. 22

    That is Labor innit??


  15. 23
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Is he no longer in Guns and Roses?


  16. 24
    ? says:

    Don’t be surprised if one of the things Axlerod does is to get Guido’s comments section filled up with pro Labour bollocks posted by sock puppets.


    • 40
      Old Nick Heavenly (alive and kikin) says:

      Will it be paid, cash in hand.
      I never got a cent for winding up ucrap on the Daily Propagandagraph.

      Paid EU troll…..I wish…..justas long as I do not have to write anything positive about the woman in red, Baroness Ashton.


  17. 27
    David Miliband in a sulk says:

    “muddy the narrative with lots of talk about policy details.“

    the narrative is pure distilled H2O if the only thing muddying it are Labour policy details.


    • 35
      Weird Ed says:

      1. Tax on bankers’ bonuses
      2. Bankers bonuses to be taxed
      3. Tax on the bonuses of bankers
      4. Bonuses of bankers to be taxed
      5. Bankers’ bonuses to be taxed.
      6. Bonus-taxes for bankers.


  18. 31
    Mr Irony says:

    This is a fact– no mockery meant, in connection with the woman involved: The Ax has a daughter who, due to severe neurological problems, has needed brain operations to control her profound epileptic seizures. Due to her constant struggle with her problem, she is incapable of independent living, and must reside in an assisted living facility, where her condition can be dealt with as it presents itself.

    One might, however, find it to be just a bit of ironic humour that The Ax ends up working for a total spazz. Ed M, however, hasn’t the excuse for his condition that Lauren Axelrod does for hers.


  19. 32
    Chuka ( you can call me Harrison ) Urmunneyaround says:



  20. 36
    Jack Dromey says:

    I prefer blackrod.


  21. 39
    Envy is one of the seven deadly sins says:

    At this holy easter holiday period, remember foodbanks are the 21st century equivalent of the “miracle of the five loaves and two fish”.


    • 50
      The Six-Figure Salary Deputy Assistant Director of a Charity Press Office says:

      Really? What sort of a pension plan did the apostles have? Did they get BUPA and a gold card expense account?


  22. 43
    The BBC Bias Unit - headcount 14,263 and rising says:

    Yes, but that won’t stop us treating him as G0d and comparing Ed Miliband with Barack Obama…

    …all from our hotel poolsides in South Korea, Mexico, Egypt etc.

    Now, shut up and pay your TV tax – we have to pay for our poppers and lube somehow.


  23. 45
    give £3/month for ummm...Cheers easy... says:

    So then.. another win for Mr Farage and UKIP then.

    Triffic :D

    Happy chocolate festival.
    One and all.


  24. 48

    So that’s three articles so far about how not worried you are about Axelrod.

    Is that enough do you think?


  25. 55
    Cleggover says:

    Look it’s all perfectly clear.

    By reneging on my promise for a constituency boundary review, Labour have 15 more MPs than they deserve on the vote.

    Once an Ed becomes PM, he rewards me with a Euro 200,000/yr sinecure in Brussels with 3% income tax for life and a 66% index linked pension.

    Thankfully I shall never have to return to Sheffield ever again!


  26. 56
    eddie the man says:

    whopee, another Labour PR victory! come on Nigel, lets go. UKIP winning all the way


  27. 61
    AxEd says:

    Classic gaffe on BBC News at One today…”DAVID Miliband has appointed Barack Obama’s chief election strategist to advise the Labour party..”


  28. 62
    jgm2 says:

    “the candidate is the message…”

    He’s right about that. It ties in with another article in Guido’s sidebar which speaks of how, despite their obvious imperfections, voters connect with the likes of Rob Ford, Boris and Farage. Because they appear genuine as opposed to glib, vacuous rent-a-mouths-that-can-talk-for-twenty-minutes-and-say-nothing that typify modern politicians.

    The problem with this approach is that Ed Miliband is as empty a shell as it is possible to imagine and that Ed Balls, whilst genuine, is, like his old boss, just a genuine c*unt.

    In short, Labour have no personalities and no policies.

    They’re fucked.


    • 64
      Goggle Box says:

      No way is Ed Balls genuine. He’s lied his socks off every time I have ever seen him on telly.


    • 67
      C O (Ξ7q1) says:

      Labour never should have got rid of Revd Flowers.


    • 111
      NE Frontiersman says:

      ‘“the candidate is the message…”

      Really? I’m picturing all those 14th Army bods in the Burmese jungle saying, ‘ I’m a bit vague on the issues here, but Clem’s our man..’


  29. 63
    T May says:

    Yankee go home


  30. 66
    Gordon Brown says:

    He started in America


  31. 71
    Lomax says:

    BUT you missed the fact he is a great singer. Here he is singing about his new job with Liebore



  32. 72
    Jet Stream says:

    Now Guido, be fair. YOU don’t come across very well on TV either. You always have a miserable pained expression on your face with a weedy voice and a magpie hairdo. You should speak more clearly, smile occasionally and don’t squint.


    • 77
      Pass the pepper says:

      .. and slower.. Nobody can understand you when you gabble at 90mph.


    • 78

      Had a stroke 14 years ago. That is what a 95% recovery looks like. An inability to fully smile is a small disability. Doesn’t stop the LOLs.

      The voice. No excuse. Am a softly spoken mumbler.


      • 88
        Jet Stream says:

        Oops..sorry. No mention of that on your Wikipedia page. You must have had a hedonistic youth!


  33. 73
    Anonymous says:

    At least the Labour Party are spending British tax payer provided short money on ̶B̶r̶i̶t̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶ ̶j̶o̶b̶s̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶B̶r̶i̶t̶i̶s̶h̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶e̶r̶s̶


  34. 75
    Black cab says:

    With a record like that one assumes he came cheap, and just as well, eh, Ed? Bit harsh, though, a line forming this early to hand him the black spot.

    Stop sniggering at the back. Yes, I am looking at you, Mandelson.


  35. 81
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:


  36. 83
    Henry Crun says:

    Liebour hire yet another turd polisher


  37. 85
    Labour Loser says:

    ” Weirdly considering he’s just agreed
    to advise Ed, he believes personality is
    more important than policy ”
    :) Heehee.


  38. 87
    sproutboy says:

    Any chance of a 10 Things You Need To Know About Lynton “Are you thinking what we’re thinking? Yes, you were a failure in 2005, and you’re about to repeat the trick in 2015″ Crosby?


  39. 90
    Don't Mention the Juice says:

    What do Ed Miliband, David Axelrod and Stan Greenberg all have in common?


  40. 97
    U have 2 be double dim to vote Labour. says:

    Labour’s arselickers in the media are head and shoulders up Axelrod’s arse! Peddling rubbish as gold.

    Axelknob wants to focus on personality and not policies? Just as well because Labour have nothing to sell to the electorate. Their cost of living crisis is soon to end. How is he going sell Milibland’s personality? Dim? Bland? Weak?


  41. 98
    Lime Chutney Time says:

    Ed Miliband’s bandwagon gets an Axelrod.


  42. 99
    Shut the fuck up says:

    What a meandering load of pointless platitudes.

    Note already “Ed wants to” (but what?) Worldwide problem … every developed country (ie not caused by fuckwit Ed in the Chancellor’s team in the last governemnt.


  43. 102
    Dessert Rat says:

    11- He’s a useless Yank!


  44. 104
    Shooty* says:

    It’s unconnected, I know, but Dave, if you’re reading this:

    If you stand up to the “peaceful” invasion with courage and recognise that many of us are justifiably terrified of what will happen when they take over, you’ll win by a landslide.

    Poles and Bulgarians don’t massively concern us, as they don’t have a massive penchant for beheadings and violence.


  45. 106
    Perspective Fairy says:

    “This morning wee Dougie told the Today programme that Axelrod has a winning track record.”

    Remember that those who don’t come first often like to re-define the rules so that everyone wins.


  46. 109
    Anonymous says:

    “Things You Need to Know”
    Mister Millichance. It is better to have the electorate suspect the worst. Than to ever submit to open debate, and prove as much to them beyond any benefit of the doubt.


  47. 113
    Anonymous says:

    This really smacks of desperation. Axelrod is a journeyman picking up jobs from politicians with no hope. The good thing is that he trashes their careers in the process (see Monti in Italy) so after he is done with Labor Ed will be just another footnote in the political landscape.

    I heard his interview with the Beeb. Even after dealing with European politicians and electorates he still doesn’t understand the old continent mentality. He talks that the secret is to tell a story…the problem is that in the case of Ed there is no story to tell and people here are a lot more aware than the US and see through prefab stories. It takes more than infomercials and in the UK he will have a lot less compliant media to contend with. He is naive if he thinks that people will vote Ed on personality.

    My two cts…Labor disaster, Ed destroyed, Axelrod six figures richer, run up to the election…great fun for all


  48. 116
    MandyPickleSniffer says:

    This marks the beginning of a nasty mudslinging campaign. This guy is the epitome of Dirty Chicago politics. The last election campaign here in the UK featured that pompous a$$ self-promoter Eddy Lizzard denouncing the “children of Thatcher”; this guy will be far far more mean & nasty. The Tories better be prepared. Axelrod will take your 99.9% success story (if you had one) and focus on the 0.1% failure and make it the overwhelming issue of the whole election. They’ll twist everything around, making your successes look like policies you stole from them, and taking everything that came from 13 years of failed Labour and pin it on you as if it was a Tory failure. The only way to attack this scum is to get a Karl Rove pitbull terrier in there to show that Milband eats orphans for breakfast. Maybe get a cum-stained dress from Harriet Harpoon’s wardrobe and show how the DNA matches up with Ed’s. That sort of thing…


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