April 14th, 2014

Unite Annual Report Mocks Ed’s “Seismic” Reforms

In February Ed Miliband promised “seismic changes” to Labour’s relationship with the trade unions, vowing that reforming the unions’ grip on the party would be “bigger than Clause IV“. Red Len’s baby mama Jennie Formby, Unite’s meritocratic political director, explains how that is going in their political report for the last year. Firstly she calls Ed’s reforms “a distraction that nobody wanted”, before confirming that it’s business as usual for Unite.

Describing the Labour politicians in the union’s pocket as “Unite MPs”, Formby reveals how Unite have successfully lobbied Labour MPs to raise issues in the House, going as far as influencing voting:

“Chair of the TU Group of MPs, Ian Lavery, secured time for a 10 Minute Rule Bill on the Bedroom Tax and we worked hard both with Ian and with the Labour Party to get them to impose a three line whip on this.”

She admits “we have been involved in discussing a number of other issues with MPs in order to build support for key issues” including welfare, the NHS and low pay. And, ironically, the Lobbying Bill. 

In a section titled “parliamentary selections” Formby reports target seats are now nearly completed” but “we wait for retirements in other seats”. There is also a new “candidate training programme”, where “successful candidates will be expected to give a commitment to participate in all the training modules” and will be “judged” on their suitability to be an MP on important issues to constituents such as “commitment to working class values of the Trade Union” and “active membership of the union”How’s that seismic change-y thing working out for ya, Ed? 

* Do nothing.


  1. 1
    Andrew Mitchell says:

    First plebs.

  2. 2
    P l e b says:

    So what?

  3. 3
    Surfer says:

    Is this Gay News website

  4. 4
    Gary Glitter says:

    I’ve travelled all the way from Cambodia to Thailand for this?

  5. 5
    nell says:

    potential mp’s will be expected to give “committment to the working class values” .

    Well that’ll rule the red princes out of any seat controlled by unite then.

  6. 6
    A Labour MP says:

    I was bought by UNITE. It is no worse than being bought by the Co-op Bank.

  7. 7
    Kim "Dong" Un says:

    Forward comrades! Congratulations to my Union Friends and supporters Mr Jones and Mr Diane Abbott!

    All hail the Dong!

  8. 8
    Nick Clegg says:

    The purpose of religion is to make life seem less pointless for farmers.

    The purpose of trade unionism is to perform a similar function for workers in dead end jobs.

  9. 9
    Markarse Brigstokk says:

    Blimey you’re a funny guy – you should contact the BBC.

  10. 10
    Zen and the Art of Being An Immigration Officer says:

    Such a journey is but a single step.

  11. 11
    Charlie don't surf says:

    You must be thinking of the tory/labour/libdem web-site.

  12. 12
    Ed Miliband says:

    Is this plan kosher?

  13. 13
    Happy Clappy says:

    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.
    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.
    If you’re happy with mass immigration
    happy with mass immigration
    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.

  14. 14
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband – Pseudo Socialist Oxford Elitist One Nation Loser Union Puppet.

  15. 15
    Fred the pensioner says:

    Sorry, I have been around for over 70 years now and I still need it explained to what as to what exactly are these so-called “working class values”?

    Do they include doing a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay? Not nicking the small change from the petty cash tin? Turning up for work on time and ready to go? Ignoring all these bloody pilgrims who kept pestering me to join their union? Refusing to go out on unnecessary strikes every other Friday? No three hour quick lunch breaks? Honesty? Integrity? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

    Now where do all these basic things fit into Millipede’s and McLoony’s plans?

  16. 16
    C O (Ξ7q1) says:

    This is kind of funny…

  17. 17
    NE Frontiersman says:

    5: You’re wrong: Kinnock Jr assured us at his selection that he’s working class by right of inheritance, his grandpa having been a miner.
    Just as Brown inherited his ‘moral compass’ from his clergyman Pa.
    Genetics is a mystery to me, but they wouldn’t say this if if weren’t true, surely?

  18. 18
    NE Frontiersman says:

    Didn’t Neil Kinnock have a big to-do about 20 years ago over the issue of parties within a party? Does Labour have any rules about this?

  19. 19
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Who needs to worry about trade union sponsored MPs when someone like this is just moved into the Cabinet?

    ‘He joined the Wall Street bank Chase Manhattan where he was so good at making money that he was rapidly promoted before being head-hunted by Deutsche Bank, which paid him a reputed £3m a year to run its Asian trading division.’

  20. 20
    The Co-operative Party says:

    Yes. We are allowed to have parties within the party. But you have to bring your own coke.

  21. 21
    Selwyn Gummer says:

    Surely Cameron didn’t inherit that freakish looking wife did he?

  22. 22
  23. 23
    Fred the pensioner says:

    Was not Deutsche Bank classified recently as one of the dodgiest in the City? Were they not also involved in the libor scandal?

    Fancy that!

  24. 24
    nell says:

    Indeed kinnock’s parents are multi millionaires courtesy of we the taxpayer, his daughter is being educated in the most elite school in denmark , he’s the absolute epitomy of what labour thinks is working class these days. They have utterly lost touch with reality.

  25. 25
    Gooey Blob says:

    Len needs to realise that Ed is not an acceptable choice as party leader and that the British electorate will never make him PM. If Labour seriously intend to present Miliband as their choice for PM at the next election they will get annihilated.

  26. 26
    Carlo Gambino says:

    You’re confusing religion with beer, tobacco and quote the beautiful game.

  27. 27
    Gooey Blob says:

    Fair enough, but we won’t be buying it from the Co-Op at their inflated prices.

  28. 28
    broderick crawford says:

    I believe Len should take over the late great Tommy Cooper s mantle.
    Coz he keeps saying to MiiliStrand:

    Not like that . Like that !

  29. 29
    broderick crawford says:

    No but it harbours a lot of closet pinko s .

  30. 30
    broderick crawford says:

    She probably ate too many of your mad cow hamburgers as
    a child Sel ..

  31. 31
    NE Frontiersman says:

    So what can the compensations of a minister’s paltry wage possibly be?

  32. 32
    U Kipp says:

    And he can’t spell epitome either, boyo.

  33. 33
    Peter Cooke says:

    Come on Brod, you know you enjoy the pink oboe when you’ve had a few.

  34. 34
    Jaqueline Dromey says:

    I’d like some contact with a BBC

  35. 35
    Norman Normal says:

    That’s a fair description, extra points for being concise.

  36. 36
    The two muppets. says:

    Miliband cannot even have a dump until he gets permission from McClusky .

  37. 37
    Norman Normal says:

    Ed’s also got his raised finger problem back when he’s at the dispatch box. It gives him away as a raving looney.

  38. 38
    eurotrash says:

    Kinnock is probably the bitterness-seething most self-entitled crypto-capitalist Labour man ever… it was written all over his face since ’83 that he felt he deserved to be PM, and he was wrongly turned down by the electorate… the EU is his revenge… putting his posh affluent son up to inherit the feudal demesne of Aberavon is his spite. It’s going to take active sustained coverage on ITV of all these fake-working-class heroes to break the grip on the prole vote they’ve inherited.

  39. 39
    Thick web-monitoring fascist cunts says:

    …it wasn’t even an actual threat …fucking American idiots …since when does “doing something big” equate to a terrorist act? Ibrahim could have been having a big shit.
    It’s getting out of hand… arresting people for shit on facebook and twitter… seriously.

  40. 40
    The Militant Bendancy says:

    …but you can borrow a friend’s cock.

  41. 41
    Anonymous says:

    good answer

  42. 42
    JohnR says:

    Just another Miliband/Cameron/Clegg idea to lock us into a three-party-state-funded political state.
    Over half of UNITE members want out of donating money to a labour party that hates people who are in unions.
    If the conservatives insisted, via legislation, that all unions had to ballot [again] every individual member on political donations, the result would be VERY different to last time. Unite had an under-the-counter on just that, and quickly decided to not go national and official, the labour party would not be getting the members money if they went to a vote!

  43. 43
    The Critic says:

    Len should be honest -if he wants to influence Parliament, create his own party and fund it. Let the public decide if they want the things he stands for. If he needs to hide his political mercenaries within another party and behind Ed,he knows his brand of politics ain’t going to get many votes.

    A liar, paying for his opinions to be peddled and subverting Parliament.A plague on him and on those who let it happen.

  44. 44
    Aardvark says:


  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    “Ed Miliband promised “seismic changes” to Labour’s relationship with the trade unions”
    Up to, but not including, the introduction of democracy for the population? Since if we had policies mandated by the majority no party, or other minority group, would be able to impose undue influence on the system. Although in the words of another well known frontman, ‘We don’t want to give you that!”

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