April 14th, 2014

Unite Annual Report Mocks Ed’s “Seismic” Reforms

In February Ed Miliband promised “seismic changes” to Labour’s relationship with the trade unions, vowing that reforming the unions’ grip on the party would be “bigger than Clause IV“. Red Len’s baby mama Jennie Formby, Unite’s meritocratic political director, explains how that is going in their political report for the last year. Firstly she calls Ed’s reforms “a distraction that nobody wanted”, before confirming that it’s business as usual for Unite.

Describing the Labour politicians in the union’s pocket as “Unite MPs”, Formby reveals how Unite have successfully lobbied Labour MPs to raise issues in the House, going as far as influencing voting:

“Chair of the TU Group of MPs, Ian Lavery, secured time for a 10 Minute Rule Bill on the Bedroom Tax and we worked hard both with Ian and with the Labour Party to get them to impose a three line whip on this.”

She admits “we have been involved in discussing a number of other issues with MPs in order to build support for key issues” including welfare, the NHS and low pay. And, ironically, the Lobbying Bill. 

In a section titled “parliamentary selections” Formby reports target seats are now nearly completed” but “we wait for retirements in other seats”. There is also a new “candidate training programme”, where “successful candidates will be expected to give a commitment to participate in all the training modules” and will be “judged” on their suitability to be an MP on important issues to constituents such as “commitment to working class values of the Trade Union” and “active membership of the union”How’s that seismic change-y thing working out for ya, Ed? 

* Do nothing.


  1. 1
    Andrew Mitchell says:

    First plebs.


  2. 2
    P l e b says:

    So what?


  3. 3
    Surfer says:

    Is this Gay News website


  4. 4
    Gary Glitter says:

    I’ve travelled all the way from Cambodia to Thailand for this?


  5. 5
    nell says:

    potential mp’s will be expected to give “committment to the working class values” .

    Well that’ll rule the red princes out of any seat controlled by unite then.


    • 17
      NE Frontiersman says:

      5: You’re wrong: Kinnock Jr assured us at his selection that he’s working class by right of inheritance, his grandpa having been a miner.
      Just as Brown inherited his ‘moral compass’ from his clergyman Pa.
      Genetics is a mystery to me, but they wouldn’t say this if if weren’t true, surely?


      • 21
        Selwyn Gummer says:

        Surely Cameron didn’t inherit that freakish looking wife did he?


      • 24
        nell says:

        Indeed kinnock’s parents are multi millionaires courtesy of we the taxpayer, his daughter is being educated in the most elite school in denmark , he’s the absolute epitomy of what labour thinks is working class these days. They have utterly lost touch with reality.


        • 32
          U Kipp says:

          And he can’t spell epitome either, boyo.


        • 38
          eurotrash says:

          Kinnock is probably the bitterness-seething most self-entitled crypto-capitalist Labour man ever… it was written all over his face since ’83 that he felt he deserved to be PM, and he was wrongly turned down by the electorate… the EU is his revenge… putting his posh affluent son up to inherit the feudal demesne of Aberavon is his spite. It’s going to take active sustained coverage on ITV of all these fake-working-class heroes to break the grip on the prole vote they’ve inherited.


  6. 6
    A Labour MP says:

    I was bought by UNITE. It is no worse than being bought by the Co-op Bank.


  7. 7
    Kim "Dong" Un says:

    Forward comrades! Congratulations to my Union Friends and supporters Mr Jones and Mr Diane Abbott!

    All hail the Dong!


  8. 8
    Nick Clegg says:

    The purpose of religion is to make life seem less pointless for farmers.

    The purpose of trade unionism is to perform a similar function for workers in dead end jobs.


  9. 12
    Ed Miliband says:

    Is this plan kosher?


  10. 13
    Happy Clappy says:

    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.
    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.
    If you’re happy with mass immigration
    happy with mass immigration
    If you’re happy with mass immigration, clap your hands.


  11. 14
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Ed Miliband – Pseudo Socialist Oxford Elitist One Nation Loser Union Puppet.


  12. 15
    Fred the pensioner says:

    Sorry, I have been around for over 70 years now and I still need it explained to what as to what exactly are these so-called “working class values”?

    Do they include doing a fair day’s work for a fair day’s pay? Not nicking the small change from the petty cash tin? Turning up for work on time and ready to go? Ignoring all these bloody pilgrims who kept pestering me to join their union? Refusing to go out on unnecessary strikes every other Friday? No three hour quick lunch breaks? Honesty? Integrity? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

    Now where do all these basic things fit into Millipede’s and McLoony’s plans?


  13. 16
    C O (Ξ7q1) says:

    This is kind of funny…


  14. 18
    NE Frontiersman says:

    Didn’t Neil Kinnock have a big to-do about 20 years ago over the issue of parties within a party? Does Labour have any rules about this?


  15. 19
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Who needs to worry about trade union sponsored MPs when someone like this is just moved into the Cabinet?

    ‘He joined the Wall Street bank Chase Manhattan where he was so good at making money that he was rapidly promoted before being head-hunted by Deutsche Bank, which paid him a reputed £3m a year to run its Asian trading division.’


    • 23
      Fred the pensioner says:

      Was not Deutsche Bank classified recently as one of the dodgiest in the City? Were they not also involved in the libor scandal?

      Fancy that!


    • 31
      NE Frontiersman says:

      So what can the compensations of a minister’s paltry wage possibly be?


  16. 25
    Gooey Blob says:

    Len needs to realise that Ed is not an acceptable choice as party leader and that the British electorate will never make him PM. If Labour seriously intend to present Miliband as their choice for PM at the next election they will get annihilated.


    • 37
      Norman Normal says:

      Ed’s also got his raised finger problem back when he’s at the dispatch box. It gives him away as a raving looney.


  17. 28
    broderick crawford says:

    I believe Len should take over the late great Tommy Cooper s mantle.
    Coz he keeps saying to MiiliStrand:

    Not like that . Like that !


  18. 42
    JohnR says:

    Just another Miliband/Cameron/Clegg idea to lock us into a three-party-state-funded political state.
    Over half of UNITE members want out of donating money to a labour party that hates people who are in unions.
    If the conservatives insisted, via legislation, that all unions had to ballot [again] every individual member on political donations, the result would be VERY different to last time. Unite had an under-the-counter on just that, and quickly decided to not go national and official, the labour party would not be getting the members money if they went to a vote!


  19. 43
    The Critic says:

    Len should be honest -if he wants to influence Parliament, create his own party and fund it. Let the public decide if they want the things he stands for. If he needs to hide his political mercenaries within another party and behind Ed,he knows his brand of politics ain’t going to get many votes.

    A liar, paying for his opinions to be peddled and subverting Parliament.A plague on him and on those who let it happen.


  20. 45
    Anonymous says:

    “Ed Miliband promised “seismic changes” to Labour’s relationship with the trade unions”
    Up to, but not including, the introduction of democracy for the population? Since if we had policies mandated by the majority no party, or other minority group, would be able to impose undue influence on the system. Although in the words of another well known frontman, ‘We don’t want to give you that!”


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