April 11th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Lampshade Bercow Edition)


183 Comments

  1. 1
    Maria Von Kneejerken says:

    Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Titch

    Like

  2. 2
    nell says:

    Does this lampshade make me look taller

    Like

  3. 3
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    Bercows hat steals the show at first gay wedding

    Like

  4. 4

    Bercow gaffes again: photographed in front of old Monday Club symbol.

    Like

  5. 5
    frank says:

    What “Gay Mafia”?

    Like

    • 163
      Village Idiot says:

      ….Mmmm…..top of my head is tingling,and ,…I think,..maybe..yes, I,m getting an erection!

      Like

  6. 6
    Maria Von Kneejerken says:

    Nigel Evan’s two newest arseistants put the Speaker under the spotlight

    Like

  7. 7
    Steve says:

    I remain in the shade … unlike Sally.

    Like

  8. 8

    Dangerous liaisons put Speaker in the shade

    Like

  9. 9
    The Last Quango says:

    Bercow thinks if a new idea!

    Like

  10. 10
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    The lights are on but no one is at home

    Like

  11. 11
    Mitch says:

    The lights are on, but nobody’s home.

    Like

  12. 12
    Ghost of Greg Stone. says:

    New gay marriage venue has unusual lampstand.

    Like

  13. 13
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    Bercow in shock threesome with gay siamese twins

    Like

  14. 14
    Young Lad says:

    I had that Nigel Evans down my trousers once.

    Like

  15. 15
    Justin McGuirk says:

    Is John Bercow saying “Gay Marriage, out of ORDER, ORDER.”

    Like

  16. 16
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    Bercow throws reception for Nigel Evans Jury

    Like

  17. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Remember fellas, talk and look at the lampshade. We’ll CGI his height in later.

    Like

  18. 18
    John Bercow says:

    The wife stands under a lamp post, so why shouldn’t I?

    Like

  19. 19
    Amy says:

    Who is this funny little man?

    Like

  20. 20
    Ah! first attempt says:

    Becow celebrates the almost successful Eagle sisters sex change.

    Like

  21. 21
    Mike Litorus says:

    You might laugh, but it is better than where Dave wanted to stick it.

    Like

  22. 22
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    Bercow say there is no truth in the saying “Two Swallows don’t make a summer”

    Like

  23. 23
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    In Bercows case the lights were on but no one was home

    Like

  24. 24
    Ah! poor attempt says:

    Four badges and a weasel

    Like

  25. 25
    Good Godwin Almighty says:

    And somehow, Bercow standing under a lampshade is just wrong on so many levels, being a Joo and all…

    Like

  26. 26
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Sally had gone away and two “nephews” came to stay.

    Like

  27. 27
    R. Spandit says:

    Sore-arses and short-arse.

    Like

  28. 28
    Poof on the left says:

    May we use you as a dildo?

    Like

  29. 29
    John Prescott says:

    Thank God I didn’t wear my platform boots, I’d be wearing that thing.

    Like

  30. 30
    Brother York says:

    How many members of the Coalition Government does it take to change a light bulb? 5!

    1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed.

    2. One to attack anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed.

    3. One to blame the previous Government for burning out the light bulb.

    4. One Government insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Cameron was literally in the dark.

    Finally…5. One to confuse all of us about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

    Like

    • 31
      Dave says:

      You missed out the one who has to ask Brussels if we’re allowed to change the light bulb.

      Like

      • 68
        Eurocrat says:

        You’re only allowed to change it for a non-incandescent light bulb, otherwise it’s an unlimited fine and a prison sentence. We have our priorities right here at the EU.

        Like

        • 151
          Cynic2 says:

          And Tim Yeo to sell a wind turbine specially designed to power a light bulb in all weather condictions

          Like

  31. 32
    Brother York says:

    OR

    How many Parliamentary aides does it take to change Bercow’s light bulb? None, they like to keep him in the dark.

    Like

  32. 33
    Ah! maybe says:

    Thinks **** “A night of aversion therapy with Sally, perhaps?”

    Like

  33. 34
    jgm2 says:

    John Bercow wins the E-Bay auction for Princess Eugenie’s latest hat.

    Like

  34. 36
    was it something I said? says:

    John Bercow wins the E-Bay auction for Princess Eugenie’s latest

    Like

  35. 39
    Gok Wan says:

    Dahling – no tie; buttoned-up shirt; no belt! It’s simply ghastly!

    Like

  36. 40
    Lily Marlene says:

    “Underneath the lamp post by the married gays”

    (DISCLAIMER: I have no idea who those 2 lads are; just guessing this has something to do with gay marriage based on the comments above!)

    Like

  37. 41
    Ah! Guardian says:

    Westminster’s Sex and Sleaze Culture

    Like

  38. 42
    vernier-microscope says:

    Bercow wins bigest prick contest. (Just)

    Like

  39. 43
    Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead says:

    “I like to watch.”

    Like

  40. 44
    Ah! Good Evans says:

    ” Lads, I was supposed to enter the witness box, but…… no ladders”

    Like

  41. 45
    Dr. Mephestos says:

    “Lets teach Sally a lesson”

    Like

  42. 46
    James Carragher says:

    Bercow – speaker with the light touch…

    Like

  43. 47
    John Berkow says:

    “I’ll show Sally who’s vanilla”

    Like

  44. 48
    was it something I said? says:

    It looks like a Rich and Mark Cartoon except I can read the helpful name badges.

    Is it supposed to be Eric Pickles and Diane Abbott?

    Like

  45. 49
    Ah! one way or another says:

    A cock ring.

    Like

  46. 51
    James Carragher says:

    Bercow – speaker with the light touch…..

    Like

  47. 52
    Anonymous says:

    Two’s company,Three’s much more fun.

    Like

  48. 53
    Ken Dodd's Dad's Dog's Dead says:

    “I always like my young friends to help me decide whether it’s a time for a screw or a bayonet.”

    Like

  49. 54
    Poet's day says:

    “it may be short, but it is intact”

    Like

  50. 56

    Rumours of desperate attempts to give Bercow an idea have been strenuously denied by the Speaker’s Office.

    Like

  51. 57
    John says:

    Stars announced for new movie: Fifty Lampshades of Gay

    Like

  52. 58

    Have you read my new blog? L’Ampp3d! (h/t Daily Mirror!)

    Like

  53. 60
    Rickytshirt says:

    A tiny UFO descends to take Bercow back to his home planet.

    Like

  54. 62
    was it something I said? says:

    It only needs a Pole and a Gypsy and you’d have complete lampshade set.

    Like

  55. 63
    dave's wobbly jowls says:

    Communards come back, still shite.

    Like

  56. 65
    JRizzle says:

    Of course you can call us Sally, darling.

    Like

  57. 67
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Brothers in arms. All of ‘em. Sad fuckers.

    Like

  58. 70
    JohnM says:

    As the Policeman said, “Halo;halo; halo”

    Like

  59. 71
    Genesis 1:3 says:

    And God said, Let there be shite: and there was shite

    Like

  60. 72
    Rickytshirt says:

    What do you mean you want to see my ‘woolsack’?

    Like

  61. 75
    Tooth fairy says:

    Tweedledum & Tweedledee meets the dormouse.

    Like

  62. 76
    Anonymous says:

    And at that light bulb moment, the movement towards gay marriage was evolved.

    Like

  63. 77
    Michael Fallon's approach says:

    You might think they are but nobody in this photograph is gay. They are happily married fellas (not to each other of course) and have tons of ankle biters in their totally separate marital homes. Not at all gay; not a chance.

    (By the way, black is white and the sale of Royal Mail was tremendous value for the taxpayer. Tell Sid.)

    Like

  64. 78
    Douglas Denny Ukip says:

    Very abnormal

    Like

  65. 79
    Maria Miller's approach says:

    How did he manage to get that lovely lamp and those lovely large, pale bookends on expenses. How do I get mine (mine, mine, mine; all mine)?

    Like

  66. 80
    ned ludd says:

    Oooh! You boys make me so light-headed!

    Like

  67. 81
    Simples says:

    Just a shade over 5 ft

    Like

  68. 82
    Quis custodiet says:

    Come on you two, this lampshade is full of mistletow – honest!

    Like

  69. 83
    Ships Bottom says:

    Illuminated shirtlifter with mini loudspeaker

    Like

  70. 84
    David Cameron's approach says:

    John Bercow is doing a tremendous job even though he pretends to marry gays when he doesn’t have the power to carry out any sort of marriage. I fully support him and won’t be calling on him to resign; he can count on my continuing, steadfast and full support (this week).

    Like

  71. 85
    was it something I said? says:

    The last picture of John Bercow before the Saturn rocket engine ignited.

    Like

  72. 87
    I'll put this on expenses says:

    John takes up the John Lewis offer, buy-one-get-one-free.

    Like

  73. 88
    Ships Bottom says:

    Or:

    Illuminated shirtlifters with mini loudspeaker

    Like

  74. 92
    Dr Spooner says:

    40 watt over haughty twat

    Like

  75. 96
    Anonymous says:

    Quorum for the Nigel Evans Fan Club.

    Like

  76. 97
    You have to be old enough to remember says:

    I’m Julian and this is my friend Sandy. Oh it’s you Mr Bercow. Welcome to Bona Lawmaking.

    Like

  77. 98
    atticusfinch104 says:

    swap you can have Sally as I can tell you she is hung like a donkey

    Like

  78. 99
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I am the weenie of the lamp!

    Oh..I just rubbed this lampshade and appeared!
    Wonder what happens if you rub the pole?

    The CPS comes.

    Like

  79. 100
    Steve says:

    In or out?

    Like

  80. 101
    Dr Spooner says:

    Passengers for Sodom – alight here

    Like

  81. 102
    Welshracer says:

    “oh hello, my name is Julian and this is my friend Sandy, as for Europe, we are out out out”

    Like

  82. 103
    Homosexuality will soon be compulsory says:

    If Sally Bercow was your wife wouldn’t you want to go gay?

    Like

  83. 104
    Sapho says:

    Passengers for Sodom – alight here

    Like

  84. 106
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Can you guess which show Sally wanted to go on after providing John with another dirty weekend?

    Like

  85. 108
    Ed Green says:

    Which one do you want?

    Like

  86. 109
    Betty Boothroyd says:

    The Speaker is supposed to wear tights – not lights !

    Like

  87. 110
    Anonymous says:

    Bercows sloppy seconds anyone?.

    Like

  88. 111
    News as Soap says:

    I say chaps did you spot me looking down on the Irish President?

    Like

  89. 113
    Oooooh Ducky says:

    Two lads who most certianly caught the Speaker’s eye

    Like

  90. 114
    Ships Bottom says:

    Illuminated shirtlifting tool next to 2 tools and a speaker tool.

    Like

  91. 115
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    John found that the Nigel hadn’t finished clearing his office when he left in a hurry.

    Like

  92. 116
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Or
    A clear signal was given that Nigel return was immanent.

    Like

  93. 117
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Modern politics is a pain in the are.

    Like

  94. 118
    Gay Lifestyle says:

    The groom and groom wore name tags so they could remember who they were.

    Like

  95. 119
    Can't touch this says:

    In the Darth Lords voice:

    “Cum into the light”

    Get it? :-P

    Like

  96. 120
    The Vicar of Westminster says:

    50s shades of gay

    Like

  97. 121
    Fib Dem Media Guru says:

    Who rubbed the lamp? Your wish is my command

    Like

  98. 124
    Rickytshirt says:

    Bercow takes a wrong turn and stumbles into the House of Gaylords

    Like

  99. 127
    Anonymous says:

    Bercow: “Look at that boys, that’s the first erection I’ve had since I married Sally.”

    Like

  100. 128
    Veritas says:

    The Speaker holds his own with gays.

    Like

  101. 129
    Barry says:

    No, we don’t know who he is either. He just keeps shouting “We’ll be here as long as it takes”.

    Like

  102. 130
    Light & Shade says:

    Coalition celebrates ‘lighting the way’ on same-sex marriage by presenting couples with commemorative ‘Speaker’s Lamp’

    Like

  103. 131
    Gez says:

    When Sally Bercow entered the room John hoped his new perma-tanning machine had made him dark enough for her to fancy him. Instead she cast her eyes upon two young men who immediately pretended to be gay.

    Like

  104. 132
    Straight Talker says:

    The Speaker provides a sneak preview of his Xmas card 2014.

    Due to budget cuts no halo could be provided;further cuts prevented a full cast being available. Due to a mix up,the wrong scripts were provided. The Speaker appears to be an angel but is in fact portraying Norman Bates. His colleagues are supposed to be the Virgin Mary and Joseph but are in fact playing roles from Brokeback Mountain……. Who shot up the sheriff I wonder?

    Like

  105. 133
    was it something I said? says:

    Colin and Justin couldn’t wait to get started on a style makeover of the Speaker’s residence.

    Like

  106. 134
    Hannibal says:

    Only “enlightened” straights allowed at this party.

    Like

  107. 135
    niall says:

    The newlyweds had were beginning to regret not having a wedding list after recieving their bercow lamp.

    How do you turn this lamp off???

    Like

  108. 136
    Bill Quango MP says:

    By the power invested in me, as the Speaker, I pronounce you husband and..erm.. husband..You may now kiss the ..erm..each other..

    Like

  109. 137
    Greig Markham says:

    Let them do what they want. I still have Long Tall Sally for a dirty weekend :))

    Like

  110. 138
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Bercow was delighted when Ocado messed up his order of two small beers..

    Like

  111. 139
    dragon says:

    Speaker organises photocall to mark his latest bright idea.

    Like

  112. 140
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Bercow – yes,as a matter of fact I do like gladiator movies. Why do you ask?

    Like

  113. 141
    matt says:

    I can’t deep throat that

    Like

  114. 142
    Bill Quango MP says:

    ” Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?”

    “I am standing up!”

    Like

  115. 143
    PR says:

    You chaps stand behind me and to my right and I’ll pose, like this, under the table lamp.

    Like

  116. 144
    toxic red lead says:

    Bercow just wanted to let you know, how low I can stoop.

    Like

  117. 145
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Now..to give you your SPAD names…hmmm.! I shall call you “The Honourable member” … And you …”Big Ben”.

    Like

  118. 146
    Tooth fairy says:

    What does the Conservative Party offer two working class kids from Rochdale?

    They glue them together, to compromise their social mobility.

    Like

  119. 147
    John Bercow is a gurning idiot says:

    Mr. Squeaker explains that the ladder on his coat of arms represents his love of everything to do with gardening uphill.

    Like

  120. 148
    mike says:

    Am I single, God no, I’m with errm, I’m with errm Sally here. We’re an item, been together ages. Single, ha, no, good God no. Not much to look at but I’m definitely taken.

    Like

  121. 149
    John Bercow is a gurning idiot says:

    Jonathan Ross announces his new house band, Two Poofs and a Poison Dwarf.

    Like

  122. 150
    Sally B says:

    That’s what my husband calls a threesome…

    Like

  123. 152
    John Bercow is a gurning idiot says:

    Big John successfully covers his arousal during Westminster’s first gay marriage.

    Like

  124. 153
    Ockham's Razor says:

    That’s a funny place to have a cock.

    Like

  125. 154
    Funambulist says:

    With his Time Lord’s helmet firmly glued on, the Interplanetary Speaker successfully entered the Clone Zone.

    Like

  126. 155
    Ed Moribund says:

    I have a fantastic joke.

    No wait a minute…I messed that up..

    I meant .. I AM a fantastic joke.

    Like

  127. 156
    RIK says:

    Now Burkker me with a lamp shade

    Like

  128. 157
    John Bercow is a gurning idiot says:

    John looked to Sally, then to her two nephews. The nephews it was then, by a shade.

    Like

  129. 158
    Gay Troll says:

    It’s okay for us to go around groping men’s parts and doing it in public loos and in parks and not taking the age of consent very seriously and doing all the coke and poppers we please. And if you don’t like it, SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU HOMOPHOBIC BIGOT!

    Like

  130. 159
    BigTed says:

    “Sally says it isn’t the size that matters – it’s what you do with it that counts”

    Like

  131. 160
    Berkow says:

    “I thought we might try something a bit different Sally?”

    Sally: “Er, different?”

    Like

  132. 161
    DAVE (Bum Sex for Me) Cameron says:

    Two government junior mincers await the entrance of Black rod while Bercow trys to hide his obvious excitment

    Like

  133. 162
    Peter Grant says:

    Of all the MPs who wanted to lamp the Speaker, this probably isn’t what they had in mind.

    Like

  134. 164
    KeKe says:

    50 Shades of Bercow

    Like

  135. 168
    Captain Panick says:

    The launch of the new Commons confidential hotline for MPs or staff who feel they have been the victim of bullying or harassment by John Bercow is not going well.

    Like

  136. 169
    broderick crawford says:

    These lads on my right must have gone to public sshool , judging by the tightness of their embrace ..

    Like

  137. 170
    Anonymous says:

    House of Commons am-dram group rehearsing a pantomime based on Alice in Wonderland and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

    We interrupt the scene where Tweedledum and Tweedledee meet Mr. Tumnus under the Lampost.

    Like

  138. 172
    Michael Larkin says:

    One thinks it’s funny,
    Two oughta know,
    Three make your toes curl,
    put’n on a show.

    Like

  139. 173
    sensible says:

    Tinky Winky, LaLa and a table lamp.

    Like

  140. 174
    Banzai Pilot says:

    They belong on the sea bed with all the other bottom feeders

    Like

  141. 175
    DR says:

    “I love being in the spotlight … “

    Like

  142. 177
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “Yes, chaps. I know I promised you that Sally would be here to show you her etchings of ‘One wife and her wittol’, but she’s in a bit of a black mood at the moment.”

    Like

  143. 178
    legiron says:

    Turning Japanese I think I’m turning Japanese I really think so…

    Like

  144. 179
    Working class(white)lad from Rochdale. says:

    Had Bercow been a foot taller, This week’s competition could have been,’ guess whose hiding under the lampshade’.

    Like

  145. 181
    Gary says:

    Have them oiled up and sent to my room, Bercow..

    Like

  146. 182
    Enemy of the State says:

    “They get everywhere these days, don’t they?!”

    Like

  147. 183
    The original Isacc Hunt says:

    I’m happy with sloppy seconds…

    Like


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VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Austrian Chancellor Werner Faymann on Cameron’s refusal to pay the £1.7 billion EU bill by December 1st:

“Well, then he’s gonna pay on December 2nd”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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