April 11th, 2014

Chief Whip Emails: Keep Your Hands Off the Staff
Code of Conduct is “Entirely Voluntary”

The Nigel Evans case will have lasting repercussions it seems:

Dear Colleague,

From time to time, colleagues approach me for guidance in terms of handling grievances which may have arisen in the course of their employing staff.

The Prime Minister has therefore asked me to draw up a code of conduct and grievance procedure which you may be interested in adopting within your office, mindful that Members’ staff are employed directly by the Member. Adoption is entirely voluntary for colleagues and copies of the code of conduct and the grievance procedure are available either by emailing gcwo@parliament.uk or by writing to me, c/o the Government Chief Whip’s Office.

We intend to undertake a review of the code and procedure in early 2015. Meanwhile, the 1922 Committee are continuing to develop their own ideas for the best form of grievance procedure, which they are hoping to bring forward shortly and these will also form part of the review.

Chief Whip

If MPs “pork the payroll” there could be consequences…


  1. 1
    Eddie the Intern says:

    Keep your Member’s member to yourself!

  2. 2
    All the world says:

    pork = poke
    There fixed the spelling for you.

  3. 3
    R. Spandit says:

    Curses !

  4. 4
    The Cheshire Cat says:

    Question: What is the political affiliation of those at the top of the CPS?

    Question: How many Tory supporters or Tory politicians are being persecuted by this body in the wake of all those Labour porkers that have been convicted?

    Answers please

  5. 5
    Bosun Higgs says:

    “Please, pretty please, keep your hands off the staff as much as possible, or pay them off, if it’s not too much trouble that is.”. (Puts teles ope to blind eye)

  6. 6
    Maria Miller says:

    I ,for one,have no intention of “porking the payroll”.

    So there.

  7. 7
    Harriet the Harpy says:

    ‘Pork the Payroll’ what ever could that mean? Pork PIE perhaps.

  8. 8
    The 1922 Committee says:

    Hear ! Hear !

  9. 9
    Bert says:

    What about a grievance procedure for the poor old taxpayer?


    “… politicians of all parties, despite their superficial enmities, are really members of one great brotherhood. Their principal, and indeed their sole, object is to collar public office, with all the privileges and profits that go therewith. They achieve this collaring by buying votes with other people’s money. No professional politician is ever actually in favor of public economy. It is his implacable enemy, and he knows it. All professional politicians are dedicated wholeheartedly to waste and corruption. They are the enemies of every decent man.”

    H. L. Mencken

  10. 10
    Mitch says:

    So: M.P.’s can’t resist claiming money for things they’re not entitled to; can’t stop having affairs with their secretary’s; can’t stop employing their family and friends; can’t stop propositioning or assaulting younger employees.

    Why are these people not ALL in court??

  11. 11
    Member Groper Evans says:

    “Members’ staff are employed directly by the Member.”

    Am I not alone in thinking that is an unfortunate term of phrase considering what brought all this on?

  12. 12
    Incredulous says:

    They STILL haven’t organised the prom concert for 1922?

  13. 13
    Aaron D Highside. says:

    Thieves we have got used to. Thieving perverts I suppose we will have to get used to.

  14. 14
    Chief Whip says:

    You forgot this bit at the bottom:

    P.S. Just pretend to go through the motions for a bit until this all blows over.

  15. 15
    Mornington Crescent says:

    Perhaps our host may wish to obtain and publish a copy of this “grievance procedure”…

  16. 16
    Does Dave get it? says:

    It beggars belief that Dave has said that he will place trougher Miller and Evans the Letch back into Conservative top jobs.

  17. 17
    Mitch says:

    Noticed that Today kept referring to Evans as “the former deputy speaker” but not “the current M.P.”, as if he wasn’t still a public figure.

  18. 18
    Labouring Under An Illusion says:

    Like members of the Blair team perchance?

  19. 19
    dai handily says:

    they’ll need an extra allowance now

  20. 20
    Mitch says:

    Here you go:

    1. Do what you want.
    2. Don’t get caught.
    3. If asked: lie, deny, lie.

  21. 21
    Steam Clean Satanic Males of the Commons says:

    Review in early 2015? Why not now, you are all on holiday for a month. Do some work instead, some of you. You people need to see the damage caused whether acquitted or not. There is a nasty stench around you.

  22. 22
    Peter Hain says:

    Could I just clarify that I didn’t call for an amnesty for terrorists; I called for an end to prosecutions. There is a significant difference.

  23. 23
    Anonymous says:

    err,Chief Whip,is the postscript intended for the shirtlifters?

  24. 24
    Ruth Smeeth PPC Labour. says:

    I love Trade Unions and members.

  25. 25
    Steam Clean Satanic Males of the Commons says:

    Minister for Troughing and Men respectively.

  26. 26
    Abu Qatada says:

    I object to “porking the payroll”.

    Why not “Halal the payroll” ?

  27. 27
    A voice of sanity amongst the Chattering classes says:

  28. 28

    I hope he does try to give them top jobs at some stage, it will be the gift that keeps on giving as far as UKIP are concerned. Bring it on !

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    Of course Dave has no intention to implement anything he says;he says things that he thinks will make him look good.

  30. 30
    UKIP sign-up desk says:

    Alright, alright!

    Form an orderly queue, we’ll sign you all up eventually.
    Please be patient.

  31. 31
    Arnold the Anarchist(weekends only) says:

    Just about sums them up

  32. 32
    Jimmy Sovile says:

    Some people think that just because everyone thinks your innocent…

  33. 33
    Mitch says:

    This code of conduct may be voluntary, but the criminal law against assault and harrasment, and the employment law against unfair treatment, apply to everyone. At least in theory.

  34. 34
    Labour Voting Alliance of homo asylum seekers, breeders and claimants, illegal and legal says:

    When we came here, we expected some behaviour standards, there is a risk our bennies may be in danger if you don’t get your house in order.

    We could go and enrich somewhere else you know.

  35. 35
    Pretty Keen Spad says:

    How am I going to progress my career if the likes of Fox, Willybum and Evans the Prick aren’t allowed to grease my passage anymore?

  36. 36
    How out of touch can the elite get? says:

    Fraser Nelson writes this of Sajid Javid, the latest government minister. ” a boy raised in poverty”.

    Fraser uses the word poverty because his dad was a bus driver. Now I grew up with a couple of friends who’s Dads worked on the buses and neither did I think they lived in poverty nor did they. All three of us went to Grammar by the way.

    Is this how the London elite see the rest of us who come from normal backgrounds and lead normal lives. Living in poverty?


  37. 37
    You reckon says:

    So the CPS took Evans to court on the wrong charges then?

  38. 38
    David Cameron, anti-bumming doctrine says:

    This is to be taken seriously or I will stamp my foot.

  39. 39
    Eddie the Intern says:

    Who bit the bottom?

  40. 40
    Aha kill bomber who murdered nine men women and children says:

    You let me out

  41. 41
    Velvet chasm, council gritter says:

    Friends are still yet to grasp just how calamitous this week has been and there’s still more to come from Sven which will rumble on into next week. Sleaze and filth.

  42. 42
    Shankill says:


  43. 43
    Velvet chasm, council gritter says:


  44. 44
    ordinary member of the public says:

    Evans may have been acquitted but his admitted
    drunken lecherous passes were still unbecoming
    and brings our Parliament into disrepute.If he’d
    behaved with the dignity that his former role of
    Deputy Speaker should require rather than an
    embarrassing and pathetic pervy old uncle,this
    whole debacle would have been avoided.
    We expect far better from our elected representatives.

  45. 45
    Real List says:

    No a bent jury leaning ever so slightly. Too many puffs in Parliament, they will be making Gay Marriage legal next.

    A Mans shorts are his own private place.

  46. 46
    Tony Baloney says:

    Damn!…..Busted at last! And my disguise was going so well up ’till then!……

  47. 47
    broderick crawford says:

    So … our esteemed cohort of MP s .. not content with screwing the electorate via indefensible expense claims ….
    they proceed to screw also their …..

  48. 48
    broderick crawford says:

    Hi Gweeds
    What s the difference between ” porking the payroll ” as they do here

    and “barrelling the pork ” as they do Stateside ?

    Both give satisfaction whether sexual or financial …

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Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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