April 9th, 2014

Ed “Westland” Miliband Misses Open Goal

Britain deserves better than this.


  1. 1
    Ed Miliband says:

    Len… Len…. LEEEENNNNN !!!!!

  2. 2
    Kinnock's combover says:


  3. 3
    A Taxpayer says:

    You can’t expect the millionaire Ed Miliband to be sincere or authentic on an issue like this. We still don’t know how he and his father became so wealthy with so little visible income to justify it.

  4. 4
    Red wedgie says:

    Billy Bragg’s looking extremely socialist and right on today, man.

  5. 5
    Motty says:

    Ed’s in the area, he shoots! He hits row Z!

  6. 6
    Plonker Alert says:

    Ed Miliband is a total plonker

  7. 7
    A Taxpayer says:

    At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what Ed Miliband is or isn’t capable of. It is the British public who will judge Cameron and find him wanting.

  8. 8
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    If you sit in row Z
    and the ball hits your Ed
    that’s gormo.

  9. 9
    Alan Hansen says:

    Miliband took a swing, missed and fell into the mud. Terrible.

  10. 10
    RomaBob... says:

    Ed is the kid at school who everyone wanted to kick…….

  11. 11
    Kettle, Pōt, ***** says:

  12. 12
    Whizzzard says:

    People say there has been a witch hunt in the press recently. But what I say how can you call it a hunt when the witch, who really is one, has already been identified?

  13. 13
    Len McLusty says:

    Stupid boy.

  14. 14
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    …..wanting to get the country back on it’s feet, create jobs, cut the bloated public sector, cuts taxes, all the things your socialist prats are opposed to. Go shout somebody down lefty.

  15. 15
    UKIP says:

  16. 16
    Jimmy says:

    ‘Cameron says it is not leadership to fire someone at the first sign of trouble.’

    Cos it’s leadership to fall silent for 6 days until they resign?

  17. 17
    kim jong thingee says:

    but i do like the haircut

  18. 18
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Just picking one letter from the alphabet M.
    Mandleson and MacShane.

  19. 19
    Meaningless phrase #3,754 says:

    At the end of the day.

  20. 20
    Apthorpe says:

    You need to look at the real record old boy. Cameron is a Heathite, he has not cut government spending nor cut taxes in way that liberates and stimulates people do do more for themselves. He wants big government and the EU directing a European wide federal state. Wake up Margret Thatcher’s legacy has long been betrayed by people like him in the Conservative Party. Just look at how many quangos have really gone that alone tells you the reality. It’s all PR no substance and I know he has the LibDems with him but he really seems to like having them there!

  21. 21
    R4 Bitches Hour says:

    Ed Miliband came 10th in a poll for the least most influential women in the UK today.

  22. 22
    Denis MacShane says:


  23. 23
    A Taxpayer says:

    …wanting to get the country back on it’s feet, create jobs for his mates in the cabinet, fail to cut the bloated public sector, keep taxes way too high, promoting gay marriage and all the things his socialist friends are in favour of. Go shout somebody else down please.

  24. 24
    Tim Yeo-yo says:

    Never happened during the reign of terror between ’97 and 2010 did it Jimmy? You fcuking mongtard.

  25. 25
    carlo gambino says:

    Nah – Ed is the kid at school who was kicked by that kid.

  26. 26
    A Taxpayer says:

    Yes, I’ll give you that one. It is hard not to uses cliches.

  27. 27
    Gagged Maria still getting 11% payrise says:

    This is my second non-apology in a week.
    I hope you like it.

  28. 28
    Will says:

    Gawd every time a mp does something wrong its always resign. Whilst frankly some of our MPs are a complete waste of space. This asking people to resign over every little issue is pathetic. I am not surprised the quality of MPs has declined. Why get a shed load of shit when you can eat more inthe public/private sector.

  29. 29
    carlo gambino says:

    ‘keep taxes way too high’


    the word is ‘far’ not ‘way’ unless you’re American.

    Thank me later.

  30. 30
    Miliband is a bitch says:

    Election time, it’ll be a choice between a tosspot and a bigger tosspot.

  31. 31
    A Repost says:

    A’ndrew M’itchell ?

  32. 32
    carlo gambino says:

    I believe the police have been asked to look at this particular ‘little issue’.

  33. 33
    General View says:

    We still have the military coup option.
    That looks like a much better option that the present 650 tosspots.

  34. 34
    Nick Clegg says:

    Which one is me?

  35. 35
    Blade Gunner says:

    Oscar Pistorius can do all the theatrics he wants, he’s not fooling anyone. I just wish we didn’t have saturation coverage of his trial.

  36. 36
    UKIP or bust says:


  37. 37
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    Am hugely honoured and genuinely grateful to be compared to a ‘plastic bag caught up in a tree’

  38. 38
    New leader says:

    Make Liz Truss party leader. She’s sexy, intelligent and the last time the party had a female leader it destroyed Labour.

  39. 39
    Ockham's Razor says:

    He’s Fallen In The Water.

  40. 40
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Will I be one of those ‘bunch of flowers taped to some railings’ ?

  41. 41
    A Taxpayer says:

    ‘way too high’ is acceptable for many people under 70.

  42. 42
    Fishy says:

    That’s a laugh.

    The Mitchell thing went on for weeks and weeks and Cameron stood by him, until the pressure, led by BBC’s Newsnight in the main, got too much and he had to resign.

    Cameron was criticised for supporting Mitchell.

    When the Miller thing broke, and it was clear Cameron was supporting her…Paxman had the brass neck to ask why he was standing by Miller but NOT Mitchell (who his own programme played a leading roll in unseating).

  43. 43
    Miliband is a bitch says:

    Miliwank is such an opportunist and bandwagon jumper, I’m surprised he didn’t start by paying tribute to Peaches Geldof.

  44. 44
    P.Mandevilson, the Eminence Greasy says:

    In the Labour Party you can be fired numerous times and keep coming back, scandal after scandal.

  45. 45
    Answer says:

    You are between a toss and a pot

  46. 46
    Winston says:

    Outside of ‘politicos’, nobody gives a monkey’s about PMQs.

  47. 47
    Ed Balls says:

    I don’t understand either of them.

  48. 48
    Bluebottle Milliband says:

    The dirty rotten swines moved the goalposts!

  49. 49
    Ed Miliband the second son of a useful idiot says:

    I wish to convey my deepest sympathy to the Geldof family after suffering such a massive cost of dying crisis.

  50. 50
    still walking into darkness says:

    she didn’t answer the question as to whether it was her choice to resign or if she was made to resign

  51. 51
    A Taxpayer says:


  52. 52
    M.Miller says:

    Oh and the 10K P45, thanks, ching!

  53. 53
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Failed ejaculate?

  54. 54
    Paul Walker says:

    Take a hike.

  55. 55
    Victoria Nuland says:

    Fuck the EU

  56. 56
    £ kerching KERCHINGGGGGG says:

    Well, you’re still in credit by several thousands.

  57. 57
    Boris Carloffe says:

    But the face doesn;t look to good.

  58. 58
    Gordon Brown says:

    Plop. It’s the right thing to poo.

  59. 59
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Dave, please go to the room with the Nokia-print wallpaper, on the desk you will find paper and pen. Draft resignation letter with the seed you wrote the Miller acceptance letter and dash down the road to Buck House, there’s a good chap.

  60. 60
    Ed miliband says:

    There was Stephanie Flanders, on my desk knickers off legs wide open begging to be fucked.
    I swear I could have had her.

  61. 61
    Fishy says:

    Yes. A Labour MP Docherty has written to the police – apparently he, like the nasty Mann, was miffed that five of six of his thieving colleagues had been sent to prison while no Tory MPs had. He obviously wanted to redress that.

    Sadly for Docherty, Miller was found not to have been guilty of the vexatious allegations that Mann had made – but just an honest mistake and allowing herself to get pissed of with a year long investigation into a what became a fishing expedition.

    I think I will now make my own complaint to the police and ask them to arrest Docherty for wasting police time (and public money).

  62. 62
    Shooty* says:

    Don’t forget the “beheadings in the name of peace” brigade

  63. 63
    BBC lova, Jack D says:

    Santiago always watches he says. He calls me his little member. How we laugh (though not Harriet, natch).

  64. 64
    Minority Sports Fan says:

    It’s like Proms, the Boat Race and the fortunes of Fulham football club. Each have their own particular followers, but will rarely have a mass following for more than a few hours a year. (OK, Fulham will be somewhat less frequent: it is even more of a cult like the Glyndebourne opera).

  65. 65
    Grumpy old man says:

    Milliband couldn’t go too hard – there are so many skeletons in Labour’s cupboard he’d have left Labour wide open. There is cross-party corruption in Westminster mainly due to the professionalisation of MP’s, good school-Uni-PPE-SpAd-election conveyor belt. They’re all on the same side,them against us, which is why the Labour Chair of the committee white-washed Mrs. Miller. Throw the lot of them out and get some normal people in, nominated by local party branches.

  66. 66
    Maximus says:

    Surely the only chivalry shown in this whole sordid shebang has been Guido’s studious avoidance of crosshairs.

  67. 67
    Maria Miller says:

    Enough is enough
    I can’t go on
    I can’t go on no more now

  68. 68
    Anybody know why? says:

    Kathryn Hudson, the independent Parliamentary Standards Commissioner, recommended that Maria Miller repay £45,000 of expenses, but this was reduced to just £5,800 by MPs on the Standards and Privileges Committee.

    And their reason for this was?

  69. 69
    Fagin says:

    You gotta picka pocket or two

  70. 70
    Maria Miller says:

    Money money money
    It’s so funny

  71. 71
    Garfield says:

    How can that fool Milliband make any complaint about Miller when he is sitting on the same bench as Burnam, a man who is complicit in the deaths of thousnds.

  72. 72
    Someone else says:

    You say ‘found not to be guilty’ but she has not yet been tried by a judeg and jury. The discreted gang of crooked MPs is not a trustworthy way to resolve the issue of her guilt or innocence of these serious matters.

  73. 73
    Twatwatch says:

    “cuts taxes”? Where’s he done that then? tinkered around a bit at the very bottom and cut it for those over 150k but the ludicrous marginal rates for everyone else plus the 200+ tax rises he’s presided over has more than offset what little he’s done. Cameron is obsessed with taxing success and those who achieve and his claim to be a “low tax conservative” is utter nonsense. he despises the Middle Classes and those who want to get on. Sonner he goes the better.

  74. 74
    Táxpáyér says:

    “wanting to get the country back on it’s feet, create jobs, cut the bloated public sector, cuts taxes”?
    Dave does none of the above. Sorry to ruin the argument.

  75. 75
    mILLIBAND says:


  76. 76
    Bollux says:

    Yep. You couldn’t keep your end up. I did the other end of the spit roast O.K. though

  77. 77
    Boris Carloffe says:

    Poor Littlebrain, he had his questions and response prepared. He had rehearsed it well, even down to his facial expressions when he wanted to appear very annoyed and serious, and then she went and resigned.

    How unfortunate, his little brain couldn’t react quick enough, and so, like his budget response, carried on regardless.

    I know they are filming again some old handcock scripts, who know his luck might change and one or two Carry on films might be recreated, and then fame and fortune might come as he would be a perfect fit for a staring role

  78. 78
    Andy Burnham says:

    Maybe it’s mass murder. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

  79. 79
    Táxpáyér says:

    Don’t forget.

    He Raised the very worst tax on employment AKA VAT to 20%.

  80. 80
    Increasingly pissed-off taxpayer says:

    Fuck off. You’re history. Just sit in the fucking great house you stole from the taxpayers and contemplate your future as a nonentity

  81. 81
    Creampie Sluts IV says:

    Make Ron Jeremy prime minister. He’s the man.

  82. 82
    Grammar School Boy says:

    His pals at the BBC are high on the moral high ground listenting to the oh so perfect Martha K on WatO.

    I’d love to see BBC expenses – er, and why can’t we – and then we can call for mass resignations!

  83. 83
    Glyn H says:

    Well said Apthorpe; Cameron is indeed Heathite, that appalling man, stiff, shallow, horribly wrong, acquired a fortune from no visible means, was rude and churlish to his benefactors and finally stole a house from the Church Commisioners using Mrs T’s right to buy your council house.

    Perhaps Cameron is’nt that bad but his judgement is flawed as this Miller episode has shown.

    He should have given her a bottle of scotch eh, Apthorpe?

  84. 84
    Grammar School Boy says:

    …………..my spelling is carp!

  85. 85

    She is not a member of any conservative party I remember.

  86. 86
    Táxpáyér says:

    Maybe you can explain why she was allowed out of repaying 90% of her 50K “erroneous|fraudulent” expenses…

  87. 87
    Táxpáyér says:

    Well at least he has a policy of taxing plastic bags…

  88. 88
    Jimmy says:

    Ed is causing a cost of turd polish crisis.

  89. 89
    The Twins of Eagle says:

    We have the staring role!

  90. 90
    Edmaria Millerband says:


  91. 91
    barrowboy says:

    Power Will. Power.That is what makes them different, money is available from power.

  92. 92
    Ockham's Razor says:

    A man who, despite all appearances, is absolutely guaranteed to get in.

  93. 93
    A Taxpayer says:

    No, go ahead. I personally think Dave is a big state, tax and spend managerialist similar to many of the other managerialists who we put up with under Labour. certianly not what I expect from a Conservative, even just one with a small c.

    Someone seemed to think I was a lefty and I responded in a sort of shorthand. I am at work and can only dip in to this site between other things.

  94. 94
    Nemesis. says:

    Miliband couldn’t say too much because they’re all at. I would imagine you could count on one hand the number of honest MPs with integrity. The whole rotten lot deserves the contempt from most of the public. This isn’t just about Miss Piggy Miller but about all those other lying bastards that haven’t yet been caught out.

  95. 95
    Kareers says:

    I think Maria Miller would be good on the Iceland Mum advert

    She embodies frozen yorkshires and own brand Vienetta

  96. 96
    Duck n'Weave says:


  97. 97
    Táxpáyér says:

    It did look fishy.

  98. 98
    Gerbil 7 says:

    He has maintained the pointless post that this Maria creature had.
    Now then, please tell me more about Dave wanting to cut the bloated public sector…

  99. 99
    Kareers says:

    Ever considered a diet?

  100. 100
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    I think it was because she happened to find some paperwork which she had previously been unable to locate.

  101. 101
    Abolish politics says:

    Bailey’s just another sleb lefty.
    What’s new?

  102. 102
    Tesco is a pile of shite says:

    It’s ‘its’, not ‘it’s.’ Its is possessive. It’s is short for ‘it is.’

  103. 103
    Táxpáyér says:

    I was replying to “Idon’tneednodoctor ” (He needs an optician and a hearing aid though).

  104. 104
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Let’s not have local political party branches involved either.

  105. 105
    Sick says:

  106. 106
    Ummm... says:

    Defence solicitor Joanna Lyons said her client was “mortified on every level for all the suffering she caused Roxy”.

    Not as mortified as her dog though.

  107. 107
    Fat Norm says:

    So it goes- Tesco’s a pile o shite, and Tescos food’s a pile o shite?
    After all, the food is possessed by Tesco, until they sell it …

  108. 108
    Fishy says:

    The overpayment was recalculated when additional information came to light. The Commissioner agreed with the Standard’s Committee’s new calculation.

    Read the report for more information or (amazingly) John Rentoul in the Independent (of all papers)


  109. 109
    Sid Viscous says:

    All right, that’s it. Twice in the last 24 hours (and twice before in 2013 if you search Guido’s Archives, so it’s not new) we have a typo of “judeg”.

    I like it!

    Let’s ban the original word and only use “judeg” in future!

    “Judeg Dredd”, ex-Lord Chief Justice Baron Judeg, Here Come the Judeg!

    Sorry, it’s been a long week waiting for Maria to go – she was wrong, but who am I to judeg?

    Vote UKIP.

  110. 110
    Loon alert says:

    Eh? WTF are you blathering about ummm?

  111. 111
    Fishy says:

    You haven’t read the report (obviously).

  112. 112
    The Dave's not for Brexiting says:

    Once again, Dave made it absolutely clear that he has no intention of leaving the EU.

  113. 113
    Fishy says:

    Weak effort that by Labour’s Daily Mail

  114. 114
    Where Eagles Claire says:

    Would Ed break his neck when parachuting into the snowy wastes of Norway, or be machine gunned by some Germans when fleeing from Scloss Adler?

  115. 115
    Nemesis. says:

    Loon, I’m with you on this. Who the fuck is Roxy??? And what was the dog called???

  116. 116
    Tim Yeo-yo says:

    Yes, but in the simple little sheep brain of Jimmy it’s ok when Labour break the rules or show a piss poor lack of leadership.

  117. 117
    Weird Ed says:


    Comprehensive car insurance premiums have fallen by 19.1% in the last year.

    Oh thfuck…Quick thomeone, find me a bandwagon. I’ve got a cwithith, cwithith.

  118. 118
    I'm a cooooooont. och says:

    Why have we not had another car-crash tv performance from that harridan MP Mary Macleod?

  119. 119
    Proper cockney wanker says:

    Braggs overdone mockney accent might impress middle class lefties and my even have got him a few shags at the Oxford college union but us working class scum recognise an opportunistic fraud.

  120. 120
    Cock o'the North says:

    Is he a ‘member’?

  121. 121
    jose mourinho says:

    I have advice for Ed Miliband? Ok.. Some thought.

    When you need to score..you score. Or might as well you don’t turn up at all.

  122. 122
    Just as confused says:

    Trainee solicitor locked dog in kitchen for a week or so – dog failed to survive.


    Could not be arsed to bury the remains of the dog when she returned as the smell was a bit off putting. That is how RSPCA apparently got involved when neighbours reported seeing lots of flies in the kitchen about 10 weeks later.

    She ironically covered medical mis-practice.

    Not sure what it has to do with the thread.

  123. 123
    Sir Desmond Glazebrook says:

    If you’re incompetent you have to be honest, and if you’re crooked you have to be clever. See, if you’re honest, then when you make a pig’s breakfast of things the chaps rally round and help you out.

    She was incompetent, dishonest and unpopular.
    That’s why we won’t be seeing her around anymore.

  124. 124
    David Blunkett says:

    The trick is to get your braces caught in the door on the way out.

  125. 125
    Mornington Crescent says:


  126. 126
    The Great British Public says:

    Do you think after Ed got kicked by the kid that usually got kicked, that everyone then punched him in the face ?

    Which would explain his awful nasal voice and ridiculous flat punched nose ?

  127. 127
    Tim Yeo-yo says:

    Neither. He’d be a ruski party commissar stood well back from the massed ranks of peasants being flung towards the Nazi troops with one rifle between 5.

  128. 128
    The Great British Public says:

    Camerons appalling judgement is apparent in
    many ways.

    2 that immediately spring to mind are Rebek@h Br00ks and Andy C0ulson…..

  129. 129
    Apthorpe says:

    VAT really is a crime and any party professing to support business in this country would abolish it. If you have to pay the EU their own tax then put it on PAYE and then see how popular the European Project is. It stifles the very life blood of business in this country and for a Conservative Party to actually put it up and then expect praise shows you how far that once great party has fallen.

  130. 130
    Max says:

    Vote ukip

  131. 131
    Apthorpe says:

    If my old CO was still alive I’d certainly consider it! I have no faith whatever in the British political system anymore and thank God I’ll not live to see how the current developments end. But Britain has lost so much it is hard to see how it can have a decent future for majority of its people in the coming years. I saw the dog end of the Empire and served in some of the final bits so I know my views are seen as antediluvian. But I know decency and honour when I see it, and these days I don’t see much from our leaders. Still I’ll have a little chuckle on the 22nd May I’ve managed to drum over 200 new UKIP voters locally through my British Legion contacts. I’ll make Dave worry a little about the old swivel eyed loons out there is I can.

  132. 132
    rick says:

    “Britain deserves better than this.”

    No it doesn’t. Britain has become very whiny and politically correct. Britain tags any party that tries to make real changes as racist/fascist/yada yada ……you name it. Britain has the Government it richly deserves.

  133. 133
    Aargh!!!! says:


  134. 134
    Anonymous says:

    Remind me, what happened to Tony Blair’s expenses – exactly!!!

  135. 135
    Vlad and the gang says:

    Don’t ask….

  136. 136
    A deceased chanteur says:

    No, not Gormo, that’s Zamora.

  137. 137
    Geek says:

    Somebody nicked his Charles Atlas book.

  138. 138
    Broadsword calling Danny boy says:

    …We won the war and lost our country; ….the invasion continues rapidly!

  139. 139
    Geek says:

    Dave’s oh so obvious comeback against Milipede’s ranting should have been something along the lines of “Oh house flipping heck, not more of this eyewash” – looking straight at Ballsy of course.

  140. 140
    Ed Twelvety Balls says:

    Come on Len, I’d have scored eleventeen goals! Let me have a go instead! We’re going to lose if you keep Miliband up front.

  141. 141
    Potemkin Village says:

    Good man Apthorpe!

  142. 142
    broderick crawford says:

    Hi Carlo

    I understand you re getting buried alive today by Joe Pesci

    Have a nice day –as you colonials say .

  143. 143
    broderick crawford says:

    Verbal diarrhoea

  144. 144
    Jolly nice chap says:

    Probably ‘took advantage’ of the war. You know how these people work…

  145. 145
    Jolly nice chap says:

    Quite right, and he has not abolished the spiteful, anti-small-business Gordon Brown IR35 tax. Bastard. Weak bastard. Weak, foppish bastard. I could go on, but there’s an excellent Chilean Cabernet Sauvignon waiting for me.

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    But what about the opportunistic fraud of Tories playing at being working class scum? For we, the real working class scum, deserves better than this.

  147. 147
    By the way says:

    Taking account of Dave’s City mates (making a tidy killing with their Post Office shares), what plans have UKIP to spring-clean the greedy House of Commons and tax avoiding “Coffee” Houses?

  148. 148
    Anonymous says:

    But that was then – this is now. While such “reign of terror” lines-of-attacks might impress folks in the US – this is Great Britain. For the most part, we are better at spotting right-wing BS.

  149. 149
    Anonymous says:

    Uncle Sam should be very proud of you – for Color Revolutions have been in fashion for some time now. Why worry about handing over powers to the EU, when some would sell-out to the US?

  150. 150
    nom says:

    Eds “flat nose” after plastic surgery. his handlers decided that his nose as it was looked to be “of a certain type” and had to go.

  151. 151
    Pitkapoika says:

    The majority of the British public are either incapable or disinterested in judging anything . Only one in three will even bother to turn out to vote so get what they deserve, but still reserve the right to constantly moan, although basically more interested in True Romance and the football results.

  152. 152
    Pitkapoika says:

    Senile dementia well set in by the sound of it.

  153. 153
    Jumbo says:

    He hasn’t cut spending. Just slowed the rate of increase in debt.

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