April 4th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (How Do You Solve… Edition)


170 Comments

  1. 1
    HairyCornflake says:

    “Yes, of course, it’s locked. You can trust me…”

    Like

  2. 2
    McDammit! says:

    “Now where’s a bolt hole when you need one?”

    Like

  3. 3
    Garfield says:

    I’m just locking myself into my basement vault so I can count my ill gotten gains.

    Like

  4. 4
    Bars Tender says:

    All MPs know: if we lock one up, we’d need to lock most of them up.

    Like

    • 85
      The Old Codger says:

      “we’d need to lock most of them up.” of course unless they are like me, one of Dave’s favoured ones

      Like

  5. 5
    Jake says:

    these are the only bars you will see me behind….

    Like

  6. 6
    @tobyornot_ says:

    Designer prison lock for incarcerated MPs

    Like

  7. 7
    Disgruntled spad says:

    Maria has shot her bolt.

    Like

  8. 8
    Disgruntled spad says:

    Maria fails entrance exam for The Cube.

    Like

  9. 9
    Welshracer says:

    The minister leaves the Ministry of Something for nothing Culture, meedia & sport office.

    Like

  10. 10
    Maria says:

    Good photoshop Guido, the only bar you’ll find me behind is the champagne bar in the House of Commons!

    Like

  11. 11
    Round the Bend says:

    Here’s something else I can fiddle with!!!!

    Like

  12. 12
    Hell roast her says:

    The fat cùnt won’t slip through those bars sideways

    Like

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Follow my example and ‘borrow’ £90 out of the country’s coffers, make more money out of it, apologise for doing it and pay £8 pound back.

    Like

  14. 14
    Anonymous says:

    bolting the jail door after the cow has not bolted

    Like

  15. 15
    Say what you see says:

    Millergate

    Like

  16. 16
    They're laughing at us says:

    Get out of jail, pass go, collect as much money as you like, laugh at taxpayers

    Like

  17. 17
    Kelvin says:

    Mmm.. I recon this could fetch a few quid on Ebay

    Like

  18. 18
    Tom says:

    Denis, can you show me the way to open it shut?

    Like

  19. 20
    I was Hitlers missing bollock says:

    The Grate Escape..

    Like

  20. 21
    The Critic says:

    Maria finds open prison a softer option than she expected.

    Like

  21. 23
    MayfairMagFan says:

    After 30 seconds in prison, it’s time to leave. I’ll let myself out.

    Like

  22. 24
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Not locked but fully loaded – on expenses!

    Like

  23. 25
    John Tandy says:

    Time to call in the Police….

    Like

  24. 26
    wobble says:

    I wonder how much I could get for this as scrap ?

    Like

  25. 27
    Braveheart says:

    “HM Prison Holloway is now my second residence and I’m claiming the mortgage costs on the whole place.”

    Like

  26. 28
    Tony Blair says:

    Give her a bung, dear thing

    Like

  27. 29
    Tattypuss says:

    Arrogance bar none.

    Like

  28. 30
    Gordon Brown says:

    You get the MPs on the cheap these days.

    Like

  29. 31
    McShane says:

    You’ll get used to the sound.

    Like

  30. 32
    Hoddy says:

    She had better get used to the sound of that closing and the view of bars

    Like

  31. 33
    Grumpy old man says:

    Dave’s given me a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card – to keep as my own for ever.

    Like

  32. 34
    PC Pleb says:

    You’ll have to use the pedestrian gate.

    Like

  33. 35
    The Answer says:

    You only solve the problem by getting rid of this troughing woman who would be up in court if she was causght doing the same thing in the private sector.

    Like

  34. 36
    Anonymous says:

    Oh how I love jail time..what fun…not sure whether this is supposed to forced in or slid in easily…Bea can you help with this?

    Like

  35. 37
    Poet's day says:

    … come on, it’s better than living in f’ing Basingstoke…

    Like

  36. 38
    Ippikin says:

    She’ll be cheaper to keep in jail.

    Like

  37. 39
    Mareea from Basingstoke & soon 2b a former member of HoC says:

    “You can never find the right hole when you desperately need one….!!!”

    Like

  38. 40
    wills says:

    Not on the level

    Like

  39. 41
    Jimmy Saville says:

    If there was hair around it.

    Like

  40. 42
    Dave says:

    Solve it? Just get a group of H.M. Ministers together who will conspire to find her totally innocent. That’s the way we do things here.

    Like

  41. 43
    Max says:

    Oh dave’s left the cell door open for me
    I

    Like

  42. 44
    Ken Lorp says:

    “Get out of jail free” is far easier than I thought.

    Like

  43. 45
    Catherine says:

    Come on, it was only £6k for goodness sake, the way people are talking it’s as if i was one of those damn benefit cheats ….

    Like

  44. 47
    Rickytshirt says:

    Note to self: Change second home to Belmarsh.

    Like

  45. 48
    United MP Jailbirds says:

    Chris Huhne, Jonathan Aitkin, Jeffrey Archer, Lord Taylor, Lord Hannigfield, Dennis McShane, David Chaytor, Elliot Morley, Jim Devine and Eric Illsley will all go and visit her in a show of support

    Like

  46. 49
    First time caller says:

    I shall avoid the low hanging fruit and go for a more subtle caption.

    C*nt.

    Like

  47. 50
    To the tune of the Fields of Athenry says:

    By a lonely prison wall
    I heard Maria crying,
    ‘Crikey they are putting me away
    My expenses were all wrong
    I bought housing for my mum
    Now the voters, they all want
    To make me pay…’

    Chorus

    Low lie the fields of Athenry…

    Like

  48. 51
    Stan St Reason says:

    That’s the folks locked up for the night…

    Like

  49. 52
    Poet's day says:

    it’s the nice thing about being an MP, nobody’s really serious about locking us up

    Like

  50. 53
    Di Rear says:

    I’m good at manipulating this ‘Lever’ son?

    Like

  51. 54
    Garfield says:

    The thing is I think that she is just misunderstood and I believe she is honest as the day is long, Christ this skunk is strong.

    Like

  52. 61
    Anonymous says:

    This isn’t cooperating either. How ironic!

    Like

  53. 62
    Usad Bolt says:

    In the hole you Cnut

    Like

  54. 64
    No Politico says:

    Where did I put that “get out of jail card?’

    Like

  55. 65
    beast says:

    cell cell cell !
    No capital gains tax

    Like

  56. 66
    Sorry, thought is was a lookalike competition says:

    Like

  57. 67
    Bernard Halfwit-Howe says:

    Right after he complaint made against Marie Miller we have taken her in for questioning. I will be putting fifty first class detectives on the case and will get back to you in about five years.

    Like

  58. 68
    Fed Up says:

    No Maria, we want the bolt to go through your head

    Like

  59. 69
    ademay says:

    No ones getting my expenses!!

    Like

  60. 70
    beast says:

    Put you right arm in your left arm out
    youre going to chokey and thats what its all about

    Like

  61. 72
    ademay says:

    Mum and Dad have a problem with their eyes so need a bigger lock to keep them in. Aaagh!!

    Like

  62. 73
    Plain Wrapper Fags says:

    “Do what I say (especially Benefit claimants), but not what I do.”

    Has Call-me-Dave just increased UKIP’s support?

    Like

  63. 74
    Maria Miller on Judgement day says:

    These gates aren’t pearly and what is that thing being shoved up Chris Huhne’s bottom?

    Like

  64. 75
    The British media are cunts says:

    I like my new bolt hole

    Like

  65. 76
    beast says:

    I fought the law and the law won
    by The Cash

    Like

  66. 77
    The Great British Public says:

    Through the keyhole… Guess who it is this week…..

    Like

  67. 79
    The Coalt-char Secretary, innit, says:

    Oh what a DIVINE piece of scowlpchar – who’s it by? I must have it!

    Like

  68. 80
    Maria Miller says:

    That’s the last time I’ll give the BBC a contract to build fucking gates.

    Like

  69. 81
    William says:

    Chin up old girl!

    Like

  70. 82
    C O (Ξ7n) says:

    This photo really needs no caption.

    Like

  71. 83
    Grumpy old man says:

    Gross Professional Misconduct? MP’s are exempt.

    Like

  72. 84
    I saw you coming says:

    So I have bought with my illegal claims the ‘original plebgate’.

    Like

  73. 86
    Usian says:

    Ah! Sis. Capital Gain-Bolt

    Like

  74. 87
    Nigel says:

    I admire her.

    Like

  75. 88

    If I had a quid for every time I had to open bloody doors…I’d still not have made as much as I did from the tax payer hhahhahAHAHAHAHHAHAH plebs.

    Like

  76. 90
    Ann Frank's Drum-kit says:

    Sorry sorry sorry – so fuckin what? – I said I’m fucking sorry – fuck you lot!

    Like

  77. 91
    albacore says:

    Dave needs some cast-iron and this looks about right
    You could sell that plonker any kind of old shite

    Like

  78. 93
    Persona non grata says:

    This gate is as crooked as my defence.

    Like

  79. 94
    Unspeakable Pervert says:

    Outsourcing prison door production to Somalia encounters early teething problems.

    Like

  80. 95
    I like a quickee says:

    Just like last night, he missed the target and I cannot get this in.

    Like

  81. 96
    Miller says:

    My get out of jail card is pink.

    Like

  82. 97
    Unspeakable Pervert says:

    Budget ‘Escape From Alcatraz’ remake fails to thrill.

    Like

  83. 98
    Dangerous Brian says:

    Maria arrived at the gate today
    Determined to say sorry for making hay
    A million here and fifty grand there
    Purloined and fiddled without a care

    An MP elite with connections and clout
    She doesnt care where she buries her snout
    If she’s sacked from the commons
    And loses her seat
    The cash is in the bank
    to be spent toute suite

    Like

  84. 99
    Maria says:

    And this is is the lock to the tradesmens’ entrance

    Like

  85. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Using my `get out of gaol free card`!

    Like

  86. 102
    Spartacus Modbotted Again says:

    . . . thís líttle píggy went to jaíl,
    and thís líttle píggy went . . . . .

    Like

  87. 103
    I don't agree with being in nick says:

    Have you got a lever son?

    Like

  88. 104
    keep your money in your pockets says:

    “I think we should leave it there” .

    So said David Cameron today.

    Like

  89. 106
    Dazza says:

    Friday has arrived and it’s time for a beer. It’s Miller time! All thirty odd seconds of it.

    Like

  90. 107
    Joe publik says:

    Five surgeons are discussing who were the best patients to operate on.
    The first surgeon says, ‘I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.’

    The second responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try Electricians! Everything inside them is colour-coded.’

    The third surgeon says, ‘No, I really think Librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

    The fourth surgeon chimes in, ‘You know I like Construction Workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.’

    But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed, ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, and there are only two moving parts – the mouth and the arsehole – and they are interchangeable’

    Like

    • 144
      non taxable pikey says:

      Clegg now is unique in having not one but 4 arseholes. One for defecation, 2 carved out for him by Nigel and the fourth, well that’s the one he lies out of.

      Like

  91. 108
    Another MP on the grab says:

    There.
    All the money I thieved locked away.

    Like

  92. 109
    Rice pudding says:

    Cow & Gate

    Like

  93. 110
    R de G says:

    Parliamentary regulations slamming the door after the expenses have bolted

    Like

  94. 113
    Susan McLean says:

    David gave me the combination

    Like

  95. 114
    Susan McLean says:

    Happy days are here again @@@@@@

    Like

  96. 115
    Cato says:

    I can’t even put the bolt in the lock

    Like

  97. 117
    verticalwater says:

    My God! A horse with an opposable thumb.

    Like

  98. 119
    On a serious note says:

    This is what a crook looks like. Yes I know its not funny but it isnt fucking funny its our money she stole , then refused to co operate with the enquiry, then gave a grudging apology then gets the full backing of the Prime Minister. What the fuck is funny about that ?

    Like

  99. 120
    Anonymous says:

    “Hmmmm I wish I could make a bolt for the door!”

    Like

  100. 123
    Geordieboy says:

    I have got a permanent Get out of jail free Card.Fare Cardiff Cardiff

    Like

  101. 124
    HERMAN VAN RUMPYPUMPY says:

    Thieves DO prosper , as parliament proves over and over again

    The Untouchables

    Like

  102. 125
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Barred From Office.

    Like

  103. 129
    Jack the Ripper says:

    “I’ll just squeeze out through the gaps in the parliamentary rules.”

    Like

  104. 130
    Alex says:

    NO MATTER WHERE I STAND, THE GROUND IS ALWAYS LOWER
    ___________________________________
    Tons of Funny pictures with captions: https://www.facebook.com/captionit

    Like

  105. 131
    Barry says:

    There was a young lady called Miller
    Who had an affair with a gorilla
    He flew into a rage
    When she locked his cage
    Because he had failed to thrill ‘er

    Like

  106. 132
    Dave says:

    Don’t worry I guarantee it’s cast iron.

    Like

  107. 133
    Bosun Higgins says:

    Deep under Downing Street, old election promises wasted away in the oubliette…..

    Like

  108. 135
    Bonnie Prince Rory Stewert says:

    L6 R6 L6 And that’s how easy it is to break into the gravy train of the tax payers Money

    Like

  109. 136
    broderick crawford says:

    I think I ve finally shot my bolt.

    Like

  110. 137
    Aparat says:

    “Look, it’s as easy as picking my constituents’ pockets.”

    Like

  111. 138
    Taxpayer from whom Maria Miller STOLE MONEY says:

    Another day gone and the fucking bitch is still in office.

    What has gutless Dave done? Supported her yet again — THE BENT BASTARD.

    Like

  112. 139
    Lawrie says:

    No one else sips from my trough

    Like

  113. 141
    nigels parachute says:

    Just need another three for a quadruple lock

    Like

  114. 142
    toxic red lead says:

    maria is keeping her gate shut>

    Like

  115. 143
    non taxable pikey says:

    Was Dawlish a photo opportunity combined with massive damage limitation or what?
    Mejah fell for it completely but don’t expect the people to.
    Mejah also reporting acoustic search for Malaysian flight finally started, 3 weeks late. Should have gone to the oil survey boys who use that stuff every day, and could have had a team or six in place and working within 48 hours.

    Like

    • 154
      Spartacus Modbotted Again says:

      You are on the right lines.

      side scan sonar is what is used for finding wellheads and the like. stuff that sticks up from the seabed

      oil ”site seabed” survey boats generally take images of the ocean floor and take a seismic look about 300 m down into the earth.

      two things
      one you dont just cast around willy nilly
      it is probably the cost that has delay any use so far
      off ukish waters you could be 150,000 pounds a day – days to include all mobilisation and demob as well as carrying out the surveys.

      Like

  116. 145
    Rightallalong says:

    “This was nearly my THIRD home !”

    Like

  117. 146
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Fraud, Benefits.

    Like

  118. 147
    Ralph Nutter says:

    I would like to nominate this as my principal residence

    Like

  119. 148
    domino says:

    Not guilty, well that was a blue out of a bolt.

    Like

  120. 149
    domino says:

    I knew hiring G4S for security was a good idea.

    Like

  121. 150
    domino says:

    Boltgate

    Like

  122. 151
    domino says:

    WD40 today, UB40 tomorrow

    Like

  123. 155
    Creeky gate says:

    Lol

    Like

  124. 156
    She must go says:

    A horse, bolting

    Like

  125. 157
    d'Arezzo says:

    “I’m ready for you now David, you NAUGHTY BOY!! It’s extra spanks in the dungeon for supporting me…”

    Like

  126. 159
    Anonymous says:

    “How Do You Solve…”
    the problem of narratives incessantly ending… with one giant bound, they were free.

    Like

  127. 160
    Bolt from the Blue says:

    Now children, look carefully at this picture – that’s Dave on the right, and me on the left.

    Like

  128. 161
    Jiminy Cricket says:

    “Like a ‘bolt’ out of the blue
    Fate steps in, and sees you through…”

    Like

  129. 164
    Aparat says:

    “Don’t, under any circumstances, ‘like’ Guido‘s Facebook page.”

    Like

  130. 165
    M Miller says:

    I got fucked an awful lot in university

    Like

  131. 166
    Sara says:

    …. yet again, Maria shows her ingenuity in getting out of things …

    Like

  132. 168
    GB says:

    Unpicking a quadruble lock.

    Like

  133. 169
  134. 170
    dbopenlock says:

    Miller Time ?

    Like


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