April 1st, 2014

Hinduja Poachers Turn Passport Gamekeepers

The Home Office can certainly say their choice for the new international enquiry service, which will provide information about visa applications, has plenty of expertise. The “improved service”  to give people advice on going through the visa application process will be delivered by none other than the passport specialising Hinduja brothers’ company Hinduja Global Solutions. Poor Mandy’s phone isn’t going to stop ringing…


  1. 1
    bingley says:



    • 9
      Banana Republic Britain says:



    • 22
      Past the watershed says:

      But April Fool ends at midday.


    • 63
      I hate to say it but... says:

      You couldn’t make it up


    • 75
      Hinduja Enforcement Inc. says:

      Please to be having a passport for N’Britistan.


      • 78
        the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

        This can’t be right. It sends the message that corruption is rife and for the world’s chancers to come and fill their boots. That cannot be the message that HMGov wants to send out.


        • 91
          Welcome to the House of Bum says:

          This is just the image we want to project, Britain is the place to come and make a quick buck at the tax cow’s expense (it’s not like they can do anything about it) the whole of HMG should be seen as a profit opportunity and Ministers and MPs as the ‘consultants’ on how to get the best return. All welcome (the more diverse the better)


    • 79
      Down the rabbit hole says:

      When we have Tony Blair as a middle east peace envoy, Tim Yeo and Keith Vaz on standards committees and the likes of John Prescott in the House of Lords, this is not surprising.


      • 88
        Yeo (man of the people-honest guv) says:

        Vaseline on Standards Committee – who is he kidding? Needs a police investigation into his expenses claims over his entire political career. Would cover the national debt.


        • 92
          Welcome to the House of Bum says:

          We fixed the police some time ago so no worry there. We really can do what we like and you lot just have to take it!


  2. 2
    Fake posturing to make Miliwank look tough? says:

    Leader of Britain’s biggest trade union Unite warns Ed Miliband it could break links with Labour if party loses next election


    • 16
      Gooey Blob says:

      It astounds me that some on the left are only just waking up to the fact that Miliband is unelectable. Just as they did in the 1980s, the left failed to recognise that their mid-term poll lead was part of an electoral cycle and that they needed a far greater lead in order to stand a realistic chance of winning.


      • 28
        Ed Balls says:

        I’m waiting for Ed to lose the election so I can become party leader.


        • 47
          Yvette Cooper says:

          There is ne way tha yow will be shadow leadah. Its me whee is gunna be leadah, chuck.


          • Have some self respect wimmin says:

            Christ Almighty, imagine that turkey head as leader and Ashton in Europe.
            Do British women really want such ugliness representing them on the world stage?


          • the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

            Birmingham is not in Yorkshire which is funnier


          • milliband the secret love child of kermit the frog says:

            Mrs Yvette Balls as leader? She is even more repulsive than her tyrette suffering hubby Fatty Balls-ugh!


        • 58
          Harriden Harpic says:

          Fuck you, I#M gonna be the new boss.


    • 44
      Lord Cashpoint says:

      That means I and my mates will own Labour

      Like under Toni Blair

      Happy days


    • 83
      Round the bend says:

      This is strange as the unions picked Miliband in the first place.


  3. 3
    Wanked over many a copy says:

    The publisher of Nuts magazine announced it has entered into a 30-day consultation with staff about potentially closing the publication. IPC Media said it would also consider closing its website, Nuts.co.uk. Nuts’ readership, along with other “lads mags” like Zoo and Front, has dropped by more than 70% on average in the last eight years.


    • 42
      M102 says:

      Much better stuff on the net these days. (So I’m told).


    • 52
      Huff Puff bird says:

      Hooray! We managed to close down something we didn’t approve of.

      But if you critiscise a pregnant woman smoking we’ll go on and on hysterically about her human rights to choose!


  4. 4
    Max Clifford is goin down says:

    This mob make the Al Fayeds look like choir boys


  5. 5
    Jack says:

    They fiddle passports for themselves

    Then get this contract

    The depth of corruption in Britain has become grotesque

    Perhaps the British Government will outsource HMRC operations to a Russian oligarch?


  6. 6
    Bob says:

    Did Oil of Olaz get a commission on this?


  7. 7
    Me says:

    Bit late for an April Fool, isn’t it?


  8. 11
    Mumsnet says:

    The tittle tattle, which is true, that we read on this blog has become obscene


  9. 12
    G Orwell says:

    I know foreign citizens who have convictions for drink driving who have got British passports. Compared to many other people who probably shouldn’t have got British passports the Hinduja brothers are quite decent.


  10. 14
    Renoir says:

    This is like putting Jimmy Saville in charge of Childline.


  11. 15
    Round the Bend says:

    Looks like a picture of the ‘usual suspects’.


  12. 17
    Gordon Brown says:

    British bribes for British passport filddes


  13. 18
    bergen says:

    I remember a Private Eye cartoon about Mandy’s exploits with them:

    “Mr Hinduja-his cheques are huger”


  14. 19
    Mr Keith Vaz says:

    How come I was not invited to this photo opportunity?


  15. 23
    The Krays says:

    Get off our Turf.


  16. 24
    Hang David Cameron For Treason says:

    A nation which gives control, of its borders to foreigners has ceased to be a nation in anything but name.


  17. 25
    Vazoline says:

    They are my dearest friends and like brothers to me. We do everything that we can to selflessly help our country.


  18. 27
    Enoch p says:

    OK let’s just do it. Let’s swap countries. You know this is what you want. You curry munchers can all come and live in the UK and we will go and finish off what we started and make your country into a 1st world entity. You can drag the UK down to sewerage in the streets and tuberculosis cases. Isn’t this what you lot want???


  19. 31
    Mandy says:

    This contract is worth a fortune to their friends.


  20. 32
    David Cameron says:

    I wondered if this is a worse decision than the Gay Marriage one or not. But then I thought – who cares? I certainly don’t give a shit about the UK any more.


    • 39
      Happy expat \/ says:

      Nope, me neither. You can all stew in your own juice if you are too thick to get out (or start a very violet revolution to clan the place up). You were all warned about this more than 5 years ago.


    • 64
      Tony Baloney says:

      Join the Club Davey-boy! Suck up to the UN, go for a job with a Bank or work for the EU (or all three). It’s worked for me! I earn £2Million and I don’t even have to go into the Office! It’s like every day is dress-down Friday! Anyhow, who the Farg wants to live in an overcrowded s**thole like the UK?


  21. 33
    You couldn't make it up says:

    You really couldn’t make it up !!


  22. 34
    Ali Dizaei says:

    It’s all coming good!


  23. 35
    David Cameron says:

    I thought, how utterly provocative can I be? What would really, realy, REALLYy get the goat of every intelligent, patriotic British person? I know, I will hand over control of the borders to some corrupt Indian chancers. That will really piss people off. Then I thought – who cares? I certainly don’t give a shit about the UK any more.


  24. 37
    C O (Ξ7m) says:


    To understand, look at the links between H’induja G’roup and G’ujarat, in particular with N’arendra M’odi.

    Almost in lock step, but this was announced a few weeks back, US Amb. P’owell resigned yesterday signifying US reset of ties…


  25. 40
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Who needs to forge a passport any more?, for a small fee we will ensure the Home Office issues you with the genuine article, special discounts for block bookings. Work permits for cleaners, nannies-P.O.A.


  26. 48
    Observer says:

    Which Minister or top civil servant will land a huge “consulting” contract with these people next year?


  27. 49
    Gay Passport says:

    Can I have a Pink One?


  28. 50
    Mark Menzies says:

    I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive, but he gets them from my neighbours fridge.


  29. 51
    Elliot Ness says:

    London is no longer Laundry London or Cesspit London

    It is Mobsters’ London

    And the Rule of Law has disappeared


  30. 53
    Nick Clegg says:

    Lib Dems. Remember to tweet simultaneous, identical, spontaneous approving comments the moment I open my mouth.

    Actually, I’m not sure it helped. We looked a bit North Korean didn’t we?


  31. 60
    Apu says:

    Thank you, come again


  32. 61
    Lakeland Limited says:

    We put in a bid for the border service but they said that our colanders were too watertight.


  33. 65
    Watcher says:

    Lunar House, the immigration headquarters, has been staffed mainly by people from the Indian sub-continent for many years. (Plus ca change).


  34. 67
    Tom Catesby says:

    Passport and visa advice, best men for the job, clearly.


  35. 69
    Bargain Basement Vince says:

    Everything at a knock down price!


  36. 70
    Country Wrecked By Pocket Liners says:

    With Mandlescum being proved beyond all doubt as bent as a nine bob note, when is he going to be in the “Guido gunsight”

    Is he simply too powerfull now to stop.


  37. 82
    I was Hitlers missing bollock says:

    Are you a crook? Are you foreign? Are you a foreign crook? Great.. we have many opportunities for you here in the UK, come and shaft the tax paying British public for they are worth, we want to fuck the country up and you can help.


  38. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Contract should have been awarded to a Welsh speaking call centre.


  39. 85
    Nemesis says:

    THis is becoming a really horrible little country where the indigenous population are being overrun by foreigners.


  40. 87
    Sands of the Nile says:

    Well, we have a Dutch leader of one party, a Russian leader of another one and a useless bellend inbred Scot for the third.

    “The English have not yet spoken” …. hahhaa by the time they do it will be far too late. You have 18 months at best or that’s your lot.


  41. 90
    Anonymous says:

    The home office NEVER offered any advice on visa applications (even for tourists) and their online website becomes more ambiguous and vague the more rules that are implemented. That is what this is about… advice.

    BUT just watch for mission creep.


  42. 93
    Anonymous says:

    “Poachers Turn Passport Gamekeepers”
    So what’s white hunter Nigel have to say?


  43. 94
    Bonzo Dog Doodah Band says:

    Enriched – with marrow-bone jelly!


  44. 96

    They provide a lot of jobs to people in the UK, enough said


Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,646 other followers