March 31st, 2014

Chuka Ne Remember Rien

The socialist French government have been showing Chuka Umunna some love, whisking the our two-faced chum across the channel for an all-expenses paid three day visit.

The £4,348 cost of the trip included the services of a translator, which is odd given Chuka boasts on his CV about his degree in English and French Law.

Clearly the year that he spent at the University of Burgundy in Dijon, France did not cut the mustard.

Have all those long nights partying in Ibiza had some sort of negative effect on Chuka’s memory?


  1. 1
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Two faces but one language

  2. 2
    RomaBob... says:

    Is he the one who is the ‘British’ Barry Obama ?

  3. 3
    Chucky says:

    You’re C-list trash.

    Must dash. I haven’t edited my Wikipedia page for 10 minutes.

  4. 4
    Chucky sucky says:

    Oh he’s so modest. Not in love with himself at all. He’s just such a modest chap.

  5. 5
    Garfield says:

    He has gone to La Belle France to report on the phenomenal Success of that little saucy minx Hollande in the latest round of elections in the Republic.

  6. 6
    Not jumped up,just notice things says:

    He seems to get photographed in even more outlandish places does he ever have any time to do any constituancy work, he’s just an mp for goodness sake.

  7. 7
    Guy News Room says:

    Mark Menzies(Tory) mysteriously absent from commons and so not able to ask his question on the order paper? What could be the problem?

  8. 8
    Chukka Umunna says:

    Dear Dr Ruth

    When achieving a climax, I often call out my own name. Does this mean I am in love with myself?

    Ps – If it helps in your diagnosis, I am usually alone when this occurs.

  9. 9
    Chuka ( you can call me Harrison ) Urmunneyaround says:

  10. 10
    Gemma Worrall says:

    Why are we talking about President Chuppa Fullmooner?

  11. 11
    Cwispy pants Bwyant says:

    I was mysteriously absent from HoC proceedings today as I was far too busy pushing my book on the BBC’s Daily Politics today. What’s wrong with that ?

  12. 12
    Garfield says:

    Chuka the love-child of T Blair and Miss D Fatbut coming to a cinema near you.

  13. 13
    jane burking says:

    Chuckie- well known music lover will probably recompense his hosts by singing that Surge Gainsabruvva classic ‘Je Thames’ in appreciation

  14. 14
    Mr Nobody says:

    He probably sees himself as a future leader. He’ll have to distance himself from Miliband’s lurch to the left if he wants to bid for the leadership in 2015, and the sooner he does so the better.

  15. 15
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    Interesting report on Russian influence over European Far-Right parties:

    Now – this is a phenomena of classical provokatsiya – but the following points should be noted given the odd spin which is being aimed at UKIP.

    i) France’s FN is a committed and notable backer of R’ussia

    ii) UK’s B ‘n’ P also is: This may perhaps explain where Nick and co. got the funds and clearances to go to Syr!a and T’urkey for their ‘special’ reporting / fact finding missions.

    Note: UKIP is not mentioned anywhere.

    The subtext to this is that the EU is seeking to use this legitimate concern about R’ussian influence in European Far Right parties in order to subvert the legitimate dissent that exists against the EU itself. One can consider that a form of EU provokatsiya, apt given the increasingly Soviet style face that the EU is presenting these days.

    The implications for G’ermany are somewhat profound as the involvement of G’erman security services infiltrating their far right parties has declined since early 2000’s after it was shown that all far right activity in G’ermany was essentially instigated by the state itself.

  16. 16
    Garfield says:

    Yes but will he be singing it with Kathy Ashton?

  17. 17
    I Mispoke says:

    It’s a typo.

    He meant to say that his interests include drinking fine bottles of vintage burgundy and he once spent several thousands of pounds in a restaurant in Dijon thinking about whether he should go to university or not.

  18. 18
    jgm2 says:

    I’m guessing his ‘interpreter’ has long legs and massive tits.

  19. 19
    I dislike socialists intensely says:

    He is so far up his own arse it is a wonder he can see anything .He is just
    another arrogant opportunist who joined the Labour party because there
    is no competition .

  20. 20
    Garfield says:

    I believe he had to leave under a cloud because he couldn’t cut the mustard.

  21. 21
    Garfield says:

    So there is a market in Brazilian Trannies then.

  22. 22
    Garfield says:

    Farage ‘clarifies’ that he has more respect for Putin than Cameron and Hague. So Guido says. For phuck sake most of the UK have more respect for Putin than Cameron and Wee Willie Hague

  23. 23
    Kevin Bollox says:

    My experience is that generally the negroes are quite poor at learning foreign languages, so I would imagine that our friend Chukker suffers from the same malaise.

  24. 24
  25. 25
    jgm2 says:

    He might see himself as a future leader but gobshite Obama has put the case for for positive discrimination back another 50 years. In the US blacks make about 10% of voters and 95% of them voted for Obama. Here they only make up about 3% of voters so they’re not the same effect as in the US. Plus, here we have many more enrichers than in the US who think blacks are somewhere down the evolutionary chain below pigs and dogs so they won’t be voting for Chucky.

    It’ll be a long time before Chucky’s day comes.

    There’s a Chucky ar la gag in there somewhere. I just know it.

  26. 26
    Chukka's book of fanny facts says:

    Did you know that in France it is against the law for a woman to shave her armpits and fanny?

  27. 27
    Mavis Cruet says:

    I humbly request that you stop putting that narcissistic fucker’s face on the blog please.

    Give me the creeps.

    Don’t the French have enough of their own idiots? What possible reason would they have to ask his opinion about anything?

  28. 28
    jgm2 says:

    I think he’s hetro. Wasn’t he shagging Lucretia Borgia?

  29. 29
    jgm2 says:

    Can she shave one or the other or is it only illegal to shave both? Or all three if you see what I mean?

  30. 30
    Minicab driver says:

    More to the point – somebody else was paying, why not take it? It’s not real money, is it? Why not use it?

    Typical Labour, they’d consume more O2 if they could.

  31. 31
    This is Chukkies offical pick up song says:

    Blur blur l’amour est blur, blur comme le ciel qui brille dans tes yeux…

  32. 32
    Chukka's book of fanny facts says:

    Give me £200 an hour and I’ll look it up.We are talking law after all.

  33. 33
    Labour HQ Franking Machine says:

    May we present you trolls with the modern replacement for the money tree …

  34. 34
    Travelling man says:

    Hien! Ah had to go to di john last time I passed through that town. Les pissoirs verts!

  35. 35
    Referential Integrity says:

    Exactly. See comment 21.

  36. 36
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    To be fair, most of the country has more respect for the drug dealer who hangs out by the school down the road than they do for Cameron and Hague.

    Having respect for someone does not mean that you agree with or support them.

  37. 37
    Sacre bleu says:

    Chucky has a degree in English Law and French letters! Whoda thunkit?

  38. 38
    Go home yank, just leave the money in a Zurich bank account says:

    Since when has the B Nnn Pppp been far right, you just another bBBC Liebour stirrer.,

  39. 39
    Nigel says:

    I admire Genghis Khan as an operator.

  40. 40
    friday says:

    I suggest you mean learning a further language other than their own tribal means of communication.
    Though having a malaise could be about right.
    He always appeared dyclicksic to me.

  41. 41
    Paris metro says:

    Why wasn’t the Hippo invited? She’s usually good at this sort of stuff.

  42. 42
    St Reatham inhabitant says:

    Actually, we prefer him to be out of town. His absences lift a great black cloud from over our heads.

  43. 43
    Chukka's book of fanny facts says:

    Ok here it is,
    A woman who has shaved a part which will be classed as the first part being one of three parts may shave that part as long as she either grows or is in possession of a moustache.

    My bill is in the post.

  44. 44
    Garfield says:

    Sorry being Welsh I do not understand German.

  45. 45
    Brixton road sweeper says:

    Proper English might be a good place to start.

  46. 46
    Twampersand mk II says:

    Mavis – because he’s black. Kind of. But not one of those gorilla types. And he looks a bit like that other streak of piss, Barack Hussein Obama.

  47. 47
    Chocolate Fireguard says:

    Two Faces? he has more faces than the townhall clock.

  48. 48
    Garfield says:

    OK most of the people in the UK agree with his stance in the Ukraine

  49. 49
    Mark Menzies says:

    Aint nothing going on but the rentboy.

  50. 50
    Brixton road sweeper says:

    By the way, I like your new piccy of him. Most prettiful.

  51. 51
    Twampersand mk II says:

    Weight restrictions on the ferry.

    They are roll on – roll off, not roll the fat bitch on – sink.

  52. 52
    Diane Abo says:

    Cos dose raycists in Frarnce doent like dem fatties and I is too black innit

  53. 53
    Brazilian Rent Boy says:

    They paid my flight too (o//O)

  54. 54
    Twampersand mk II says:

    What else have you been pushing? Your wheel-barrow uphill, perhaps?

  55. 55
    Brixton road sweeper says:

    Your loss. Should OF payed atenshun at skul then.

  56. 56
    Twampersand mk II says:

    I hope he invades the UK and rescues us from the communist bastards that have wrecked the place.

    How times change.

  57. 57
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    do you mean that he has more respect for Putin than he has for Cameron and Hague or do you mean that he has more respect for Putin than Cameron and Hague have for Putin ?

  58. 58
    jgm2 says:

    He’s not black. He is, and I believe the politically correct phrase is, a ‘browning’.

    I learned that off Dianne Abbott.

  59. 59
    Garfield says:

    I do not think we should be so mean when talking about Chucky, after all he gives hours of fun every time he opens his mouth.

  60. 60
    BBC is shit says:

    What rent does that boy Owen jones charge to appear on the BBC?

  61. 61
    The Village Idiot fed on a constant diet of biased mendacity & manipulation says:

    Hopefully the new law to protect children against unpleasant scary & frightening
    images appearing in the MSM will be on the statue book very soon. With a clear
    RED letter alarm warnings before Chucka Mona, MillieDrip, McMental & Blubber Abbot horrific images are unleashed for all to suffer before quickly reaching for the remote control……

  62. 62
    friday says:

    ;) No onomatopeic spoonerisms allowed?

  63. 63
    Yankee go home says:

    And take your obsession with plastic barbie-doll parts and circumcism with you

  64. 64
    low resolution fox says:

    I love how this manages to successfully imply naughty things, without actually implying anything at all.

  65. 65
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “The socialist French government have been showing Chuka Umunna some love…”

    After yesterday’s hammering in the local elections, the Socialists need all the amour they can get.

  66. 66
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    Would need a carefully crafted poll to confirm what UK thinking is on that point. Random assertion is invalid.

    Looking at the level of poor reporting and dezinformatsia that has been published in the UK MSM it would be instructive to find out to identify how effective these active measures have been.

  67. 67
    William Vague says:

    But agent C O (Ξ7m) is on an NSA secondment at GCHQ. His intelligence is vital for the neocon agenda that was dictated to me by my boss Barroco Barner!

    When he’s finished his assignment here, we will pack him in a bag and DHL him back to Uncle Sam.

  68. 68
    hybrid says:

    Whiting does sound a bit fishy eh?

  69. 69
    A friend of !srael says:

    L-utfur R-ahman’s actions demonstrate a lack of understanding of the Stre!sland effect, an ignorance perhaps born of denial through his commitment to a doctrine that we have to deal with every day with H’amas.

  70. 70
    Twitter watch says:

    Louise Mensch ‏@LouiseMensch 26m
    All my support and love to Mark Menzies MP. Who cares? Nobody. Look forward to seeing him promoted again soon.

  71. 71
    Garfield says:

    But all your posts are random assertion plus flights of fantasy.

  72. 72
    NPD Axis II Cluster B says:

    Perhaps Red-herring is more apt?

  73. 73
    Garfield says:

    Muzzie is as Muzzie does, gran told me that.

  74. 74
    Andrew Efiong says:

    Aha, Chuka is flushed out as a stooge of the French government, taking their money to talk about Mad Franky Hollande’s socialist paradise!

    A 3 day trip cost £1,500 per day. That’s £60 an hour, day and night. What was he doing, a private jet and champagne bar?

  75. 75
    The Brazilian Rentboy's Union says:

    60 quid an hour? Amateur.

  76. 76
    Common Sense says:

    Arrest him, investigate him, try him, punish him, deport him. And all his accomplices.

  77. 77
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    A point perhaps best raised with the Political Capital Policy Research and Consulting Institute.

    They appear to be working off of the EU designations, not the arguably more accurate (no sarc intended) GF Comment threads.

  78. 78
    Le Chucky says:

    Ooh aaah. I vill be telling you zis, only once.

    Ma trip to gay Paris is only for a few hours. I find zat Paris, is full of ze trash and ze wannabe’s.

    Ooh aaah.

  79. 79
    Jack Ketch says:

    My old Dad’s home help spoke no real English, just French and Lingala. How the hell he communicated with other patients or even got a visa is beyond me.

  80. 80
    Away on business says:

    My experience is the opposite. Most people in the world are good at learning other languages to a functional level.

  81. 81
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    Not really.

    Here is an example of a fantasy: Pledge not to extend NATO to the east being broken:

    No such pledge ever existed.

  82. 82
    Lord Boothby says:

    There are no gays in the Conservative Party.

    And my friends the Krays are fine, upstanding citizens.

  83. 83
    Jeffrey Archer says:

    I did not have sexual relations with that prostitute, Monica Coghlan.

  84. 84
    French Interpreters R Us says:

  85. 85
    Do you mind? This is a family blog. says:
  86. 86
    Victoria Nuland (you know the rest) says:

    Agent C O (=7m)

    Please desist from further messages

    You are discrediting us

    Svoboda and Right Sector are our allies

    Have you got Alzheimers?

  87. 87
    Mumsnet says:

    This site is not the Sun FFS

    Or are you Dirty Desmond trying to fuck it up?

  88. 88
    John Bellingham says:

    My ex-wife was half French, she used to shave one armpit and one leg.
    Which reminds me, how many members of Parliament have had a Brazilian lately (apart from Portsmouth Penny and that Perve in the “Mirror”)?

  89. 89
    Ooooh Look Over There says:

    There is something important going on somewhere else.

  90. 90
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  91. 91
    Wonderin what you get out of this remark again and again says:

    All political parties are full of homosexuals, I can’t see what you get out of repeating the same crap over and over again.

  92. 92
    Ooooh Look Over There says:

    They are possibly Labour Party trolls trying to find an excuse to criticise and shut down the blog – or at least make sure people can’t read it at work. On the other hand, I can see why CCHQ would like to make the site less workplace friendly.

  93. 93
    Not too far away says:

    Can’t wait to vote UKIP, hope it gives the LibLabCon artists the runs.

  94. 94
    One N, Two Bs, Two Ts says:

    It’s racist!.

  95. 95
    Err says:

    What is?

  96. 96
    One N, Two Bs, Two Ts says:

    It is.

  97. 97
    The Home Office never says:

    They mainly came in via Belgium.

  98. 98
    No jam, just lard says:

    If it wasn’t for the idiot who keeps putting twitter photos of chuck us a buttie every 5 mins on this site, I don’t think we would know who the hell he is, gives the impression that chuck us a buttie is a bit of a self PR fanatic and doing it himself.

  99. 99
    Messrs Ballcock & Chain says:

    As for Mark Menzies…well, another conservative closet case. Different day, same story. He’s single so I really have no issue with it.

  100. 100
    Paris metro says:

    You naughty boy! Zat made me laugh out loud and spill ze coffee – and now I have to clean ze keyboard :-))

  101. 101
    Michael Portillo says:

    There are no gays in the Conservative Party.

  102. 102
    Mornington Crescent says:

    “The costs of inaction on climate change will be “catastrophic”, says US Secretary of State John Kerry.”

    WTF does he know about climate change or, indeed, anything?

    Because you’ve been such a success in Syria and Ukraine, haven’t you, John…

  103. 103
    The Whitehouse bookings says:

    Very expensive is Chuka’s Ibiza Holiday gaff but the views are good and the bookings are still sparse for 2014.

  104. 104
    Sealink says:

    The density of fat is about 90% that of water, therefore Diane could be safely towed and if necessary, used as an emergency lifeboat for passengers, their cars and lorries.

  105. 105
    Gotcha says:

    Nitto, the litlle Liblabcon liar is back.

  106. 106
    Common Purpose says:

    Oh no, can’t have that.

  107. 107
    Dickens's Dombey and Son says:

    Dijon: where the smiling debauched traitor went to enjoy his Ill-gotten gains and sinful sex.

  108. 108
    jimboooo says:

    The first pic is fine, nothing wrong with topless women but guido remove the second one, lefties will be right now reporting this blog to get it listed as porn and banned with workplace filters etc. just labour and BBC trolls at work.

  109. 109
    broderick crawford says:

    No onions round his neck … and where s the garlic .

    Bad photoshop attempt must do better .

  110. 110
    nick says:

    Like all of Labour Chukka “forgets” cuz its easier, likes to “draw a line under ” everything(another way of forgetting- Millibit and Balls use that one), Two faced and fork tongued. Just your typical Labour MP pratt.

  111. 111
    Foutre le camp Chuka says:

    Are Chuka’s qualifications on his Wiki page? if so, how can we be sure that he didn’t award these degrees to himself?

  112. 112
    broderick crawford says:


    oooohhh chukka we adore you. pleeeese take us as your concubines and handmaidens and we ll all go off to Stepford together!

  113. 113
    broderick crawford says:

    Eurostar doors too narrow apparently ….also individual coach weight limit aspect .

  114. 114
    Andrew Farrow says:

    How many hospitals could be built for what he wastes? Or nurses or teachers employed.
    It’s a disgrace.

  115. 115
    broderick crawford says:


    Does bBBC stand for beautiful Big Black Cock ?

    Do hope so .

  116. 116
    broderick crawford says:

    ….. and we all know what the EU can go and do
    to itself don t we Nula ?

  117. 117
    Anonymous says:

    It’s no surprise that he’s risen so quickly in the labour party. After all, he’s a failed lawyer just like Blair.

  118. 118
    callmedave says:

    He’s doing so well in the labour party. After all, he’s a failed lawyer just like Blair, so why shouldn’t he?

  119. 119
    John Bellingham says:

    The other expression is ” Let’s move on”. (i.e. Let’s not dwell on my earlier actions thatb were both incompetent and criminal)

  120. 120
    MacGuffin says:

    I love it when this blog mentions Chuka Umunna, which is twice-daily. He is just so sexy. I know Guido agrees with me.

  121. 121
    Anonymous says:

    They’ll be catastrophic for him – it’s what funds his gravy train.

  122. 122
    Brixton road sweeper says:

    We do get the odd funny spoonerisms on here, but we actually get a lot more naif and fawkerisms.

  123. 123
    Brixton road sweeper says:

    Why waste money on the first four? No wonder we have so much debt.

  124. 124
    MB. says:

    It would be an interesting experiment to lock the Shadow Business Secretary in a room with the Business Secretary and try and work out who has the bigger ego.

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