March 28th, 2014

Unfortunate Newspaper Offer of the Day


  1. 1
    Banana Republic Britain says:

    Must be my hangover because I don’t know what the fack you are on about.


    • 10
      What on Earth are you on about guido? says:

      There’s nothing unfortunate od wrong with that advert. Unless you are one of these masculine feminists who do not want women treated as special.


      • 59
        Frankie Howard says:

        Ooooooooh Missus! Nooooo! Stop Tittering Now! Your making your own jokes up, aren’t you!!!!!!!!


    • 11
      Cor Blimey says:

      Could the men in the picture be Gay Mums (midnight they can get married) or is the picture for another another contest?


    • 30
      Twampersand mk II says:

      Enter (as in penetrate) your special lady.


    • 55
      Max Clifford. says:

      If I had just one extra inch I could justifiably be accused of entering a special Lady.


  2. 2
    Nigel Evans says:



  3. 3
    Jack Dromey MP says:

    I’ll be watching closely!


  4. 4
    Tarquin says:

    I’ll be entering Justin as my new “bride” at midnight tonight — cheers Dave.


  5. 5
    Phoney Benn says:

    I’m still recovering from the legs.
    Put the kettle on.


  6. 6
    Sal E Bercow says:

    Me me me me me!


  7. 7
    John Torode says:

    Hope Greg Wallace hasn’t clocked this


  8. 8
    Bob Crow says:

    I call upon the NUJ to take immediate action. Lahndan Undergraahnd drivers deserve better pay! Or summink …..


  9. 9
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    that looks as old as the Bruce Forsyth game where the winner had to remember household items as the went along a conveyor belt ?


  10. 11
    ROGER MYBUTT says:

    Well Daves big day has arrived !

    As from midnight all Fudge packers and drain rodders can slip into a ring


    • 23
      Ben Dover says:

      The only time guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison.


    • 65
      inside out says:

      I waiting for the first same sex marriage at Central London Mosque,I suspect I might have a long wait.


      • 66
        Dangerous Brian says:

        I’m no expert but in my experience marriage between muslim men and women has little if nothing to do with religion.
        Of course that won’t stop the swivel eyed gay lobbyists slavering at the prospect of claiming yooman rites for all shirt lifters and scissor sisters that think they might want to tie the knot in a mosque.
        What a bunch of self interested blowhard (excuse the pun) twa*s.


  11. 14
    Nemesis says:

    What the fuck is this all about? Cannot see what your getting at at all!!!!!


  12. 15
    Deer_Raymond says:

    Four guys and two birds I wonder who is going to shag who?


  13. 16
    Ziggy says:

    Slow news day? eh!


  14. 18
    Tony B Liar says:

    I’ll enter my special ladi


  15. 19
    Max Clifford says:

    But will she notice?


  16. 20
    Min Clifford says:

    I’m always trying to enter a special lady.


  17. 21
    Hamish & Dougal says:

    Mrs Naughtie, we are going to enter you!


  18. 22
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    My mum died at Xmas, can I still enter the competition?.


    • 27
      Fishy says:

      Actually mine died some years ago and I’ve been inundated with e-mails from Boots to Waitrose to Tesco to Skype reminding me to get her a pressie.


    • 28
      J Savile & Co says:

      Now then, now then I’m quite willing to enter your dead mum. How’s about that then?


      • 33
        Blue Peter Goldfish says:

        My mother (and yes she did die at Christmas) would not have gone within a mile of Sir Jimmy Savile even before his nefarious activities were made known to the general public.


  19. 24
    Handycock says:

    I enter any lady, special or not.


  20. 25
    mrs dromey says:

    Will someone please enter my back door? Blacks only.


  21. 26
    Weird and confused says:

    Presumably this would be “conscious coupling”


  22. 31
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    didn’t Dave promise us the Chilcot report this year ?


    • 34
      Dave the lying bastard Cameron says:

      Shhhhhhhhhhhh! People have forgotten about it.


    • 40
      The Great British Public fed up with being swamped by unwanted multi culteral diversity says:

      Was that another Cast Iron Guarantee from CMDD??

      Which must have rusted away by now like everything else he

      pontificates on with his ingrained edict for mendacity & manipulation

      of the filthy stinking masses……


    • 41
      Trying times ahead says:

      Still waiting for the tablets of stone version, suspect we will have to wait until they knock down the Palace of Westminster and turn it into a car park, as MPs won’t be needed when they force us deeper into the EU.


    • 53
      Experience says:

      David Cameron’s promises are not worth a bean.


  23. 32
    Mandelstain says:

    I’m going to enter my special laddie.


  24. 35
    Pillock Watch says:

    Very funny now put something else up fackdo


  25. 37
    Trying times ahead says:

    Just like that tv programme, mr and mrs, the programme is now out of date and the picture is showing the new arrangements for a number of countries, so called honeymooners better stay in countries where this arrangement is legal, if they go elsewhere, they could be in jail forever or hanging about on a crane.


  26. 43
    Meine Meinung says:

    I don’t care what someone in Westminster claims, if a man tells me he is ‘married’ to another man, I will not accept that as right.


    • 45
      Westminster is gay says:



    • 69
      Jack Ketch says:

      Does one call his chum “Missus”? How does one determine if their spouse is a husband or a wife without obtaining information that one would notb rather have? What about those with titles, Sir Elton and Lady David, for instance? If a Queer Peer, marries, divorces and re-marrries,does the divorced “spouse” retain a title of “Lady” or “Ladette”, perhaps?


  27. 44
    Britain's Obama and Wallace's Big day out says:


    • 47
      I hate Labour says:

      Can people stop posting this useless non-entity’s tweets? We know he’s a fucking slimy arrogant narcissistic c-unt, we don’t need to see his every bland, pointless twattering on Twitter.


    • 48
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      Thanks for the update Chuka, am breathless with excitement.


      • 67
        Dangerous Brian says:

        Me too, had to sit down when I heard this news, palpitations and all that.
        By the way, anyone know if Ed has found out where Doncaster is yet?


      • 70
        National Front says:

        Thanks for the tip-off, just time for the boys to tool-up and get to the station to hold an old fashioned reception.


  28. 46
    I hate Labour says:

    I wasn’t particularly a fan of Tony Benn. By all accounts a perfectly nice man in person, but also a bit of a rank socialist hypocrite who held forth on every subject under the sun from the comfort of his £4 million Holland Park mansion. But even so, it was rather sickening to see that vile, evil c-unt Cherie Blair attending his funeral, which is a pretty big insult to someone who hated Blair and opposed the Iraq war. Benn wasn’t right on many things but he was right about Blair and Iraq, and this venomous bitch, Freebie Cherie, epitomises the 13 year of Labour’s lies, greed, troughing, corruption, bullying and rank criminality. And the fact that his son Hillary, who voted for the war, hugged this bitch at the funeral is just more proof that the wrong Benn died.


  29. 49
    got the t shirt says:

    Would like to meet……

    A special lady of the opposite sex, must be boring and entirely predictable, but big tits and a great ass would be helpful. Must NOT be whacky, unpredictable, have a bubbly, warm personality or a great sense of humour. If you have any of these traits you can fuck right off, I want a quiet life, not be in a self sustaining fucking drama every day.


    • 54
      A single woman says:

      I can tell life with a miserable git like you seem to be wouldnt exactly set the world on fire would it? You make life with Victor Meldrew seem exciting. You sound like you have one foot in the coffin already, and if its a quiet life you want then why not just jump in the wooden box and have done with it?


  30. 61
    Outside left is inside, right? says:

    Max Clifford has won this contest before it’s been run!


  31. 63
    The Daily Hypocrite says:

    It should be Ideal staff in advertising for the Daily Record. Pass that white powder boss!


  32. 71
    Nemo-Noone says:

    Instead of getting married, just find a woman you don’t like and give her a house!


  33. 72
    Enter your special lady says:

    Incest – a game for all the family!


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