March 28th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Clegg Feels the Heat Edition)


  1. 1
    Nigel Farage says:

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

  2. 2
    Michael H says:

    Clegg’s cast iron guarantee on tuition fees.

  3. 3
    Ben says:

    Worst. Jedi. Ever

  4. 4
    Selohesra says:

    Perhaps if I burmn my cock off people will start to like me again

  5. 5
    Kulgan of Crydee says:

    Even with these special goggles I still can’t read the small print!

  6. 6
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    What the hell do you mean my EU pension is actually a run down one up one down in Bulgaria !!!

  7. 7
    Hayley Hinchy says:

    Once this light saber is finished, Farage is getting it

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Lets see if I can weld a repair to the Coalition…

  9. 9
    bigmarkyt says:

    Ah Ha! With my mini Lightsabre, Farage doesn’t stand a chance next time! MUhahaha!

  10. 10
    David says:

    “and today I will be pretending to be a worker”

  11. 11
    Martin Veart says:

    Nick’s first lesson with a light sabre started small.

  12. 12
    davy says:

    Faisez-moi une pipe?

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    ‘blow me, bellend’

  14. 14
    Karl Marx, Ed's grand dad says:

    Ve white hot heet of the industrial revolution

  15. 15
    James H says:

    “If you strike me down, I shall become less powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

  16. 16
    Mike Litorus says:

    I swear ed balls said these would make my cock look bigger

  17. 17
    Kebab Time says:

    “Now Dr Cable , about that plot to unseat me….”

  18. 18
    Cm says:

    Nice try Nick, but Facebook still isn’t interested in donating…

  19. 19
    Jedi Nick says:

    These are not the facts that you are looking for *waves hand*

  20. 20
    Jon Izzard says:

    This isn’t the droid you’re looking for

  21. 21
    Kebab Time says:

    “Crack Pips for the Crackers party”

  22. 22
    Alastair Stewart says:

    “Just practicing how to keep Ed Balls ‘onside’ in a coalition”.

  23. 23
    Giant Kinnoccio says:

    It’s awwwlriiiight

    Ed’s fixing it

  24. 24
    Kebab Time says:

    “Neo Guido not looking forward to his date with Diane Abbott”

  25. 25
    Welshracer says:

    Clegg “wow it’s longer than Max Clifford’s”

  26. 26
    PK says:

    OK Miriam, I put on the mask, now how about that Blowjob you promised me ?

  27. 27
    Alex Hurley says:

    Fortunately Clegg had his new Ray Bans on to protect him from seeing the light on Europe.

  28. 28
    Ben Brogan says:

    Does Ed know what he’s fixing?

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    May the friggin’ force be with me!

  30. 30
    Nick Clegg says:

    This time I won’t fail. When is Farage taking this plane up again?

  31. 31
    Bloke in a bowler hat says:

    Clegg caught manufacturing a few facts for next EU debate

  32. 32
    Sara B says:

    Maybe I can forge myself a pair…

  33. 33
    Hayley H says:

    Once this light saber is finished, Farage is getting it.

  34. 34
    Flower Power says:

    Is that crystal meths I see?

  35. 35
    Jezza says:

    Light sabre drooped, it has, padawan

  36. 36
    Mrs Entity says:

    Ex MP & Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg takes up new adult apprenticeship hoping he can forge closer bonds!

  37. 37
    Ofgen says:

    Ed’s solution to Britain’s energy deficit

  38. 38
    Andrew K says:

    Thanks to the EU Globalisation Adjustment Fund I can get the skills to reenter the marketplace when my current job goes.

  39. 39
    Senior Civil Servant says:

    This virtual reality helmet is great: I’m the PM, holding the wand of office. Please don’t cut the power.

  40. 40
    Vinny says:

    “Do you expect me not to talk to Labour?” – “No Mr Cable …. I expect you to die!”

  41. 41
    David Miliband says:

    At least we can’t see his weird face

  42. 42
    frankie says:

    Harry Potters wand, Lukes lightsabre or Stevie Wonders view of Europe … I which I like.

  43. 43
    Lord Cashpoint says:

    Ed’s a member of the working class

    Like me

  44. 44
    Nick leg says:

    Resistance is useless all Britons must become part of the Borg.

  45. 45
    Comrade Nicholas Cleggski says:

    My straw man was much too weak, so I’m making a tougher one.

  46. 46
    Mr T says:

    That’s not how you fix Diane’s sex toy , you crazy fool

  47. 47
    Blow says:

    ‘…..torch?!? That makes a nice change’

  48. 48
    Ian B says:

    So, once I’ve retrained as a welder will I still be able to claim expenses for a second home?

  49. 49
    Zero Hedge says:

    The Guardian’s Deputy Editor Claims the UK Government Threatened To Shut The Paper Down

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Just seeing if I can fabricate a worthwhile point about staying in the EU

  51. 51
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Cleggs looks to shore up the gaping hole in HM TitaNICK as it hits UKIP iceberg

  52. 52
    Aaron D Highside. says:

    Fact: British workers do 7% of all the welding in the world thanks to Lib Dems and the EU.

  53. 53
    Potions Master says:

    Expecto Patronum !

  54. 54
    stowlawn says:

    Aaaaargh….Read the small print.

  55. 55
    tom says:

    Small print? What small print???

  56. 56
    Marty says:

    No, Mr Farage, I expect you to die.

  57. 57
    Jock E. Shorts says:

    I wonder if I could light this sparkler from that light sabre?

  58. 58
    stowlawn says:

    Aaaargh….Read the small print.

  59. 59
    Comrade Nicholas Cleggski says:

    I’ll show Farage. By training as a welder I can hopefully one day emigrate to Poland to skew the numbers.

  60. 60
    hack says:

    “Blue and yellow equals green? That can’t be right….”

  61. 61
    Finger of fudge says:

    One up the bum no harm done.

  62. 62
    Savvas says:

    Look at me, the brazing opportunist

  63. 63
    Elksy says:

    Nick knew entering coalition would mean sacrifices, but he wasn’t prepared for this

  64. 64
    The general public - UXB says:

    Cut the yellow

  65. 65
    Django says:

    Clegg goes to great lengths to prove his member is heat resistant!

  66. 66
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    May 2015 – and the retraining program for the unemployed is going well.

  67. 67
    Clareyh says:

    Max, there are EU regulations that you are just not observing and we’re not talking bananas here; I’ll make you a prosthetic.

  68. 68
    JadedJean12 says:

    Clegg has delusions of becoming Pliny the Welder.

  69. 69
    Keith Dovkants says:

    Nick Clegg decides it’s about time he built himself a backbone . . .

  70. 70
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Nick Cleggs EU fantasy goggles we fantastic, even with the bright light of truth in front of him, it all seemed a bit blurred.

  71. 71
    David says:

    Thinks….”Once I have learnt welding I can move to Bulgaria and undercut their wages”

  72. 72
    Angus says:

    Nigel, I am your father….

  73. 73
    dr steve brule says:

    Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic man. Ed Miliband will be that man.

  74. 74
    Susan McLean says:

    Do you think they will notice me now?

  75. 75

    Massive health and safety in the work place issue as welders tie sets fire to owner and workshop with a long term result in hundreds of jobs being lost !!!

  76. 76
    Broadmoor Tribune says:

    Nick Clegg makes new friends while on day release

  77. 77
    GK says:

    Proof you cannot teach a monkey to weld.

  78. 78
    Nicks mum says:

    Nick Clegg dons his Virtual Reality goggles to practice another few rounds with Nigel Farage, using blowtorch to make him sweat more..

  79. 79
    Dr Julian Lewis says:

    “These Virtual reality glasses really make me feel like I am welding, thank you Vince”

  80. 80
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    “I feel like a cross between Obi-wan Kenobi and Robocop!”

  81. 81
    Janet says:

    Almost finished the General Election leg to stand on.

  82. 82
    Welshracer says:

    Clegg “cmon Harry Cole, it’s no time for eating and drinking, but time for hardworking”

  83. 83
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Nick dons the Oculus virtual reality headset, and inserts the “Owen Jones for a day” program.

  84. 84
    SkyRimNews says:

    “Facebook paid HOW MUCH for this?”

  85. 85
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Marvel super-villain ” Dr Monotonous ” builds weapon to defeat CiderMan

  86. 86


  87. 87
    Little Nicky says:

    Dear Jim, please can you fix it for me to make some Sheffield Steel before I close the factory.

    Loads of Love, LOL,

    Nicolas Clegg aged 9 3/4

  88. 88
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Once I’ve welded us to the EU the UK will never be able to break free.

  89. 89
    Keith Dovkants says:

    In anticipation of the many, many seats he’s going to lose in the European election, Nick Clegg sets about constructing some more . . .

  90. 90
    John L says:

    Clegg refuses to remove Oculus Rift glassed ever again, after they show a reality where the Lib Dems hold seats in 2015.

  91. 91
    FFS why can't people get it right says:

    “Mothering Sunday” – not “Mother’s Day”, which is in May.

    See letter in today’s Torygraph.

  92. 92
    leader of the 1% says:

    Am i a Jedi knight yet?

  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Save time – send his mum the flowers now !!

  94. 94
    Taxpayer says:

    Britain is clearly post democratic

    An evil oligarchy of thieves and criminals in Government and financial institutions feeding of eachother and trying to suppress free expression when the truth comes out

    Snowden for Nobel Peace Prize I say

  95. 95
    Jimmy So Vile says:

    Now then, now then!

    Would you like some sweeties little boy?

  96. 96
    C O (Ξ7m) says:

    He is a bit of a drama queen, desperate to increase his circulation.

    Total body count to date of releases:

    Outlet                   |  Pages
    The Guardian             |  276
    Washington Post          |  220
    Der Spiegel              |   97
    O Globo Fantastico       |  ~87
    New York Times           |  182 (82 joint)
    Anonymous                |   18
    ProPublica               |   89 (82 joint)
    Le Monde                 |   27
    Dagbladet                |   13
    NRC Handelsblad          |    7
    Huffington Post          |    3
    CBC                      |   36
    The Globe and Mail       |   18
    SVT                      |    2
    L'Espresso               |    3
    Trojkan (SVT)            |   29
    Jacob Appelbaum          |  *71           |  *22
    Anonymous/New York Times |   18
    NBC News                 |   87
    The Intercept            | *149
    * Indicates duplicate releases. 
  97. 97
    IanPJ says:

    Desperately trying to build a solid support for the LibDems.

  98. 98
    Fank Keefe says:

    I need to learn this trade by 2015 as I might be welding myself to Ed not Dave

  99. 99
    Hodor! says:

    Disquiet on Harley Street as Nigel notices something different about his dentist…

  100. 100
    Nile Rodgers says:

    Daft Punk feat. Daft C**t

  101. 101
    EU is Fanstastic says:

    Nick Clegg, somewhere: “So this is how the new EU directive, making Icecream, works”.

  102. 102
    Lyndon says:

    This weeks scrapheap challenge is to build a manifesto using other peoples discarded policies and unwanted outdated ideas!

  103. 103
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Once this time machine is complete I’m going back to 2009 and saying “I do support tuition fees”

  104. 104
    Nipple Count: 258 says:

    Comedian working on costume ahead of plans to run for election dressed as Doctor Octopus

  105. 105
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Nick finds him self in uncharted territory for the Lib Dems and he seeks to be constructive.

  106. 106
    sardonic says:

    Ha ha ha – Dr Octopus will be invincible in the next debate!

  107. 107
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nigel, I’m going to burn you and skewer you until you DO agree with gay marriage.

  108. 108
    Old Salvo says:

    Despite being a lame duck Deputy PM, Nick decided to solder on.

  109. 109
    Rotherhampoofta says:

    “Is this what a real job’s like?”

  110. 110
    Bill Quango MP says:

    That Breaking Bad boxset Miriam got me is really paying off.

  111. 111
    Daisy says:

    The white heat of procrastination

  112. 112
    Whiffler says:

    Yes, thank you Torchy, that just makes the point that this whole debate is about you.

  113. 113
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Just look how much of your money the lib dems can burn

  114. 114
    Anonymous says:

    Nick Clegg prepares for work after the next election

  115. 115
    Sweat in Gordon's Crack says:

    No-one dared tell David Blunkett his Jedi impression was rubbish

  116. 116
    Lord Owen Jones of The Cottage says:

    Nick “I always thought that my tie was too long,this should burn some off”

  117. 117
  118. 118
    al owen says:

    No Mr farage, I expect you to die!

  119. 119
    Jedi Mind Trick says:

    Ed. Eedddd. Join me. I, am your father…

  120. 120
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Health and safety stated goggles must be worn when near a flame, making Nick feel secure.

    So it was a shock for him when his tie went up

  121. 121
    njl100 says:

    Now Mr Farage, which is it to be? The blow torch or the poker?

  122. 122

    Time is running out for Clegg to build his Terminator cyborg for the last debate. ‘That will finish Farage’s chances for good,’ he said to reporters. ‘I’ve just got to figure out time travel now.’

  123. 123
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Clegg’s Lightsaber was limp and dim, just like his party.

  124. 124
    Darren J says:

    Nick desperately tries to fix his pipe dream

  125. 125
    Anonymous says:

    You should have read the small print…Deborah!

  126. 126
    trewy says:

    in desperation clegg tries to stop career from disappearing down pipes…

  127. 127
    Ricky Strong says:

    Clegg + magic wand = green energy

  128. 128
    Newsfox says:

    Nick Clegg Predictably Unaffected by Kryptonite.

  129. 129
    Funambulist says:

    Cleggy finds the sparklers Guido Fawkes sent him for Nov 5th fail to meet his expectations…

  130. 130
    Andrew K says:

    It’s a sodding SLOGAN competition.

  131. 131
    Tooth fairy says:

    “When they said Commissioner for Trade, this is not what I had in mind.”

  132. 132
    57 - 36 says:

    Following his EU run in with Nigel, Nick goes to great lengths to mend his busted credibility.

  133. 133
    Mehdi Hasan is a racist says:

    Nigel: (heavy breathing due to too many cigars) “Nick I’m your father!”

  134. 134
    Me says:

    I don’t think that will win the Caption Competition.

  135. 135
    mattdathan says:

    “We’re the party of in… so bend over, Nigel”

  136. 136
    harry says:

    “No Mr Farage, I expect you to die!”

  137. 137
    esraep says:

    Comrade Clegg leads by example on being a citizen of the EUSSR.

  138. 138
    Irritable Sod says:

    Clegg uses the Oculus Rift goggles to craft the new Lib Dem Manifesto

  139. 139
    Master Forger says:

    Clegg’s secret plan to forge Rennard’s new chastity belt exposed…

  140. 140
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Is it Safe?

  141. 141
    Toby G says:

    Clegg welds some pipe dreams together using his Green Energy policy.

    Clegg mixes reality and VR Fantasy in Oculus Rift – the Lib Dem Escape mission.

  142. 142
    Jack the Ripper says:

    “I may have lost the debate but I’ll incinerate Nigel at Kerplunk.”

  143. 143
    Observant says:

    Cleggie looks like a complete tool.

  144. 144
    Robert Jones says:

    Final touches to my EU gravy train.

  145. 145
    Purpleline says:

    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    We only want what’s best for him
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    Nigel just needs this helping hand
    And if young Nigel says he’s happy
    He must be happy
    He must be happy in his work
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    He has his future in a British steel
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    Nigel’s whole future is as good as sealed
    And if young Nigel says he’s happy
    He must be happy
    He must be happy in his work
    Nigel is not outspoken
    But he likes to speak
    And loves to be spoken to
    Nigel is happy in his work
    We’re only making plans for Nigel

  146. 146
    Tom says:

    So this is what my arse looks like…

  147. 147
    Sid Cleverbollocks says:

    ‘We’ll see if Farage is so cocky in the second debate when I turn up in my fully armoured exo-skeleton.’

  148. 148
    ITB says:

    No, Mr Farage. I expect you to die.

  149. 149
    Twampersand mk II says:

    Clegg pictured desperately trying to construct a reasonable argument in time for next debate.

  150. 150
    Peter Grant says:

    “Gentlemen! We can rebuild the Lib Dems credibility over Europe! We have the technology!

  151. 151
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nick Clegg makes some more excuses

  152. 152
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Nicky the Mickey was a wise guy. Hung around all the dry joints in town…

  153. 153
    Dangerous Brian says:

    “So, simply by applying the torch and braizing rod to this metal structure I can receive a huge susidy by pretending its a new form of self financing renewable energy?”
    “Wait till I tell Ed Davey and the rest of the gang, we’ll be back in government in 2015 for deffo”.

  154. 154
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The Six Hundred Billion Euro man

  155. 155
    Sage Vals says:

    “Only two more arms and my ‘Dr Octopus’ costume is complete!”

  156. 156
    low resolution fox says:

    “Clegg’s fleshlight device went back to the manufacturer with unexplained mechanical failure”.

  157. 157
    mac says:

    Is this a dagger which I see before me …

    (Came far on rage)

  158. 158

    As the Deputy Prime Minister played on his virtual reality Harry Potter game, the hook handed student Jedi sensed his opportunity to strike back against tuition fees

  159. 159
    Cynic2 says:

    Nick works on a new spine for a new debate

  160. 160
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nick notes on the experiment log…

    Credibility burns with a green flame

  161. 161
    Hannibal Smith says:

    “This welding’s all well and good Mr Baracus … but how can The A-Team possibly help me keep my deposit in 2015?”

  162. 162
    sardonic says:

    Clegg ponders how many more junctions his pipe will need before he can propose an EU replacement to Russia’s gas.

  163. 163
    Maria Miller says:

    Nobody told me the loser of the debate would have to sort out Pickles plumbing !

  164. 164
    Jan Kozminski says:

    Brazen liar.

  165. 165
    Funambulist says:

    Nick’s screen test for the new Marvel superhero epic fails to ignite.

  166. 166
    TobyG says:

    Clegg welds his latest pipe dream together using Lib Dem Green Energy policy.

    Clegg confuses fantasy with reality in the latest Oculus Rift Game – Lib Dems constructing arguments for the EU

  167. 167
    Cynic2 says:

    Nick’s fantasy of Daine Abbott as Biker Chick moved one step closer

  168. 168
    Nic Clagg says:

    (Waves blowtorch) Zroom, zroom … Nick, I’m you father … zroom, zroom.

  169. 169
    Anonymous says:

    So Farage thinks I don’t know what a proper job is. Well this carpentry lark is a breeze.

  170. 170
    sardonic says:

    Clegg was told an eco-friendly glo-stick can weld global warming gas pipes into a 10KW turbine.

  171. 171
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Limp Dim

  172. 172
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Is this what a proper job is like?

  173. 173
    Funambulist says:

    Nick suddenly realised he wasn’t the only stowaway in the bowels of the Nostromo…

  174. 174
    Smig says:

    Fact: Lib Dems make up 100% of their arguments thanks to being clueless tosspots with tiny penises. And that includes the women.

  175. 175
    Politian in the Lab says:

    If you think I am going to produce anything then you are joking. The last time a politian stepped into a lab was in 1992, when Margaret Thatcher pulled a switch, moments later, up stood what is known as Ian Duncan-Smith. We, the Cabinent, DWP, and John Major Cabinent of old have to tolerate the thing. It was made for Parliament, it stays in Parliament. It won’t go away.

  176. 176
    Floatingvoter says:

    Miriam. Miriam look at this It’s called a proper job !!!!

  177. 177
    Anonymous says:

    “I’m sorry, mister, I’m not a real welder….”

  178. 178
    Smig says:

    I like it.

    Auric Clegg LOL

  179. 179
    Fed Up Botted says:


  180. 180
    Lord and Lady Establishment-Stooge of Brussels says:

    Here’s a trick I learned from Reverend Flowers.

  181. 181

    Yep. Nice hole in the fuel pipe. Now to fix it back on Nigel’s ‘plane.

  182. 182
    Mr Nobody says:

    Could someone pass me the next piece of Meccano…?

  183. 183
    Nigel Vader says:

    When last we met I was the pupil … Now I am the master!

  184. 184
    Nigel Vader says:

    Very good

  185. 185
    al o says:

    You sure this is how to fix my phone or are you civil servants taking the piss again?

  186. 186
    Silent Majority says:

    ^ winner

  187. 187
    Sean Harkin says:

    Oscar Pistorius declines new legs made by Nic “The Welder” Cleggie!

  188. 188
    Fishy says:

    Or as we called it (when the kids pissed us off) Smothering Monday

  189. 189
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I dunno. That Guardian entry is pretty funny.

  190. 190
    wrinkled weasel says:

    I’m in The Matrix. I’ve got a Light Sabre. I’m fucking Captain Europe.

  191. 191
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    “Nick we said you should act more like Mrs T NOT Mr T…..”

  192. 192
    coffindodga says:

    Clegg, trying to run the weld.

  193. 193
    Nigel Skywriter says:


  194. 194
    Funambulist says:

    “No, Mr Farage, I expect you NOT to talk…”

  195. 195
    Rob says:

    Clegg prepares for life after 2015 with an NVQ in metal work

  196. 196
    Silent Majority says:

    Nick Clegg had a go at welding during a visit to Tube-o-matrix, a Boeing subcontractor

  197. 197
    I'm lost... says:

    “No, no, no, it wasn’t a blow torch I was after”

  198. 198
    Richard says:

    Clegg stitiched up yet again: “This Virtual Headset is a f*****g con! My light sabre looks like a welding torch!”

  199. 199
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The next debate will be settled by Robot Wars

  200. 200
    dylan says:

    “Well, I *WAS* a bigger man that Max Clifford….”

  201. 201
    djd says:

    Rules to prevent future Lib Dem sex scandals – No 34: Be satisfied with a blowtorch

  202. 202
    Halitosis says:

    Clegg and his Dearth of Ideas costume

  203. 203
    Michael Rennie says:

    Klaatu Barata Nick Clegg.

  204. 204
    IrvSwerve says:

    Nigel,can you just put your finger here for a sec?

  205. 205
    Rob says:

    Concerns over Lib Dem’s PR advice after Clegg claims to carry the torch for green energy.

  206. 206
    Nick says:

    Red, Green and Brown.

    Clegg’s true colours revealed.

  207. 207
    I want cash, not flowers! says:

    Should’ve gone to Specsavers!

  208. 208
    Neil says:

    Nick Clegg visits the top secret light saber research facility, just outside Newport Pagnell.

  209. 209
    2015 wipeout says:

    Following the debate Nick felt it might be prudent to begin his resettlement training.

  210. 210
    Funambulist says:

    Cleggie thought he’d successfully nicked Jumbo’s crack pipe when SUDDENLY…

  211. 211
    Peter Parker says:

    Clegg prepares his Dr Octopus costume to catch Farage off-guard at their next meeting…

  212. 212
    jgm2 says:

    British plumber about to be replaced by poll.

  213. 213
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Tell Obama I’ll call him back…’

  214. 214
    In-Out says:

    Overly-formal welder set to fall victim to EU exit-related job losses at North East car plant.

  215. 215
    The Conservative Cactus says:

    Hold still, Nigel, you might feel a slight pinch.

  216. 216
    Bill says:

    Clegg welds himself to the EU idealogy

  217. 217
    wibble says:

    A Turkish apprentice learning how to make Ford Transit vans.

  218. 218
    Marvel says:

    Clegg reveals his bionic arm in readiness for Farage…

  219. 219
    Expat says:

    Clegg plumbing the depths again.

  220. 220
    Poet's day says:

    “Bugger. I thought it was a gay welding law that was coming in.”

  221. 221
    Del Boy says:

    Nick builds on the ambitions of the European Coal and Steel Community.

  222. 222
    CE? says:

    European Legislation

    The European Union and associated countries have some of the most comprehensive legislation regarding the performance requirements and use of personal protective equipment (PPE), and this cover all forms of safety eyewear. It is a requirement that safety eyewear must be assessed and CE marked before it can be supplied into the European market. It has now been illegal for many years to place an item of PPE on the market in a European Member State unless it carries the CE mark.

    In Europe, there are two pieces of legislation that are closely related in terms of safety eyewear. Directive 89/656/EEC – the ‘use’ Directive, covers the use of PPE at work, requiring employers to provide suitable PPE to employees where a particular hazard cannot be eliminated by other means. European Directive 89/686/EEC the Personal Protective Equipment Directive covers minimum health and safety performance criteria and procedures for PPE placed on the market within the European Economic area to ensure it is fit for its intended purpose. It specifies in general terms what features should be addressed in the design of PPE and how it should be tested and certified. Products meeting the requirements of the PPE directive should be marked with the ‘CE’ symbol.

  223. 223
    jgm2 says:

    Another British worker who will shortly be losing his job to a poll.

  224. 224
    Clegg says:

    PPE? I don’t need no stinking PPE!

  225. 225
    Nigel Farage says:

    blinkered cnut

  226. 226
    Belgian Bee says:

    “I’m on top of the weld”

  227. 227
    A prostrate Nigel Farage says:

    “For fuck’s sake okay! I agree with Nick!”

  228. 228
    Anonymous says:

    I said that I wanted a blow job not a blow torch!

  229. 229
    Irritable Sod says:

    I said I wanted a blow job, not a blow torch!!

  230. 230
    CE? says:

    I LIKE BELGIAN BEE quote but its at 312pm

  231. 231
    Bishop Brennan says:

    Surely Clegg saying, ‘Yes, Lord Vader, I mean Mandelson, your new light sabre will be ready shortly. Leading our army of clones, I mean Young Europeans, we will soon conquer the Galaxy – or at least the Ukraine.’

  232. 232
    Irritable Sod says:

    I think it’s 3 pm after a long, bibulous lunch. Rather than when the pips go.

  233. 233
    Anonymong Macbeth and Uncle Monty says:

    Is this a dagger I see before me?
    The hot handle towards my hand, ready to plunge into thine enemy.

    I have thee, Farage. You will not destroy my dreams of Brusseldom.
    For I will have you boy, even if it means to be burglary.

  234. 234
    ROGER MYBUTT(can't wait for midnight edition) says:

    The twat Clegg shows just how brazen he is

  235. 235
    ElginJon says:

    So this is how we’re going to get the Lib Dem votes into the ballot boxes for the Euro Elections, does everyone understand?

  236. 236
    Village Idiot says:

    …”What the hell am I supposed to do”?

  237. 237
    MorayJon says:

    Dave has been telling me i need to learn a new trade for after the 2015 General Election.

  238. 238
    Precis says:


  239. 239
    Firesnake says:

    Post Farage fight, Dark Lord Clegg revives the Ministry of Power with MPs Potter and Kenobe to hone his attack methods.
    Confusion reigns.

    Damn too late.

  240. 240
    Jack Ketch says:

    THINKS:” Are we dabbling with forces we barely understand?”

  241. 241
    Garrotted says:

    “Oi hangman, not like that……the noose should go under his chin”

  242. 242
    Nigel says:

    Hang on. You’re not my dentist.

  243. 243
    Arbuthnot says:

    So, Mr Miliband, I give you one last chance – tell me what your policy is concerning a referendum on the EU, or …

  244. 244
    Nick Cleggover - Male We(l)dding Opportunist says:

    I need a new suit of armour as Farage destroyed my last one.

  245. 245
    Londoner says:

    And we will subsidise employers so that people will travel all the way from Bucharest to do this on minimum wage.

  246. 246
    Anonymous says:

    the white heat of banality

  247. 247
    Kim Jong-deux says:

    He was only a welder’s MP but he had a set o’ lean poll ratings.

  248. 248
    Blue Light says:

    Terminator Origins: Piping Hot

  249. 249
    Ben says:

    Nick is an expert in Hot air on all things green

  250. 250
    Dessert Rat says:

    Braz(ing)en liar!

  251. 251
    El Bolloco says:

    How about Clegg getting one up the arse from Rumpy Pumpy, that should confirm his EU credentials.

  252. 252
    DC says:

    You mean total tosser Clegg, the next EU sell out. Pensions are us.

  253. 253
    Cliffords Defence says:

    Are the Borg the ones with dicks like button mushrooms

  254. 254
    Stalin says:

    Yes how true.

  255. 255
    The tit soon to be on his way out of no. 10 says:

    Ask him to make one for me while he’s at it.

  256. 256
    Anonymous says:

    Same sex welding!! ….sorry , best I could do :-(

  257. 257
    Sir Roger de Senseless says:

    Is that that idiot Clegg?

  258. 258
    Eardstapa says:

    A brazen attempt at a real world photo op.

Seen Elsewhere

Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath
Boris: Jihadis are W*nkers | Sun
Ed Miliband: International Sex Symbol | Telegraph
Javid: Let Tories Campaign For Out Vote | House
Ministry of Justice Loses Death Inquiry Data “In the Post” | TechnoGuido

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers