March 28th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Clegg Feels the Heat Edition)

The best entry* of this week’s caption contest, chosen by 3pm, will win a bunch of flowers delivered to their mum for Mother’s Day on Sunday, courtesy of the generous souls at Arena Flowers. Make them witty…

*Entries in the comments on this blog, not on Twitter.


258 Comments

  1. 1
    Nigel Farage says:

    It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again.

    Like

    • 79
      Dr Julian Lewis says:

      “These Virtual reality glasses really make me feel like I am welding, thank you Vince”

      Like

    • 87
      Little Nicky says:

      Dear Jim, please can you fix it for me to make some Sheffield Steel before I close the factory.

      Loads of Love, LOL,

      Nicolas Clegg aged 9 3/4

      Like

    • 156
      low resolution fox says:

      “Clegg’s fleshlight device went back to the manufacturer with unexplained mechanical failure”.

      Like

    • 223
      jgm2 says:

      Another British worker who will shortly be losing his job to a poll.

      Like

    • 233
      Anonymong Macbeth and Uncle Monty says:

      Is this a dagger I see before me?
      The hot handle towards my hand, ready to plunge into thine enemy.

      I have thee, Farage. You will not destroy my dreams of Brusseldom.
      For I will have you boy, even if it means to be burglary.

      Like

  2. 2
    Michael H says:

    Clegg’s cast iron guarantee on tuition fees.

    Like

  3. 3
    Ben says:

    Worst. Jedi. Ever

    Like

  4. 4
    Selohesra says:

    Perhaps if I burmn my cock off people will start to like me again

    Like

  5. 5
    Kulgan of Crydee says:

    Even with these special goggles I still can’t read the small print!

    Like

  6. 6
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    What the hell do you mean my EU pension is actually a run down one up one down in Bulgaria !!!

    Like

  7. 6
    Hayley Hinchy says:

    Once this light saber is finished, Farage is getting it

    Like

  8. 8
    Anonymous says:

    Lets see if I can weld a repair to the Coalition…

    Like

  9. 9
    bigmarkyt says:

    Ah Ha! With my mini Lightsabre, Farage doesn’t stand a chance next time! MUhahaha!

    Like

  10. 10
    David says:

    “and today I will be pretending to be a worker”

    Like

  11. 11
    Martin Veart says:

    Nick’s first lesson with a light sabre started small.

    Like

  12. 12
    davy says:

    Faisez-moi une pipe?

    Like

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    ‘blow me, bellend’

    Like

  14. 14
    Karl Marx, Ed's grand dad says:

    Ve white hot heet of the industrial revolution

    Like

  15. 15
    James H says:

    “If you strike me down, I shall become less powerful than you can possibly imagine.”

    Like

  16. 16
    Mike Litorus says:

    I swear ed balls said these would make my cock look bigger

    Like

  17. 17
    Kebab Time says:

    “Now Dr Cable , about that plot to unseat me….”

    Like

  18. 18
    Cm says:

    Nice try Nick, but Facebook still isn’t interested in donating…

    Like

  19. 19
    Jedi Nick says:

    These are not the facts that you are looking for *waves hand*

    Like

  20. 20
    Jon Izzard says:

    This isn’t the droid you’re looking for

    Like

    • 251
      El Bolloco says:

      How about Clegg getting one up the arse from Rumpy Pumpy, that should confirm his EU credentials.

      Like

  21. 21
    Kebab Time says:

    “Crack Pips for the Crackers party”

    Like

  22. 22
    Alastair Stewart says:

    “Just practicing how to keep Ed Balls ‘onside’ in a coalition”.

    Like

  23. 23
    Giant Kinnoccio says:

    It’s awwwlriiiight

    Ed’s fixing it

    Like

  24. 24
    Kebab Time says:

    “Neo Guido not looking forward to his date with Diane Abbott”

    Like

  25. 25
    Welshracer says:

    Clegg “wow it’s longer than Max Clifford’s”

    Like

  26. 26
    PK says:

    OK Miriam, I put on the mask, now how about that Blowjob you promised me ?

    Like

  27. 27
    Alex Hurley says:

    Fortunately Clegg had his new Ray Bans on to protect him from seeing the light on Europe.

    Like

  28. 28
    Ben Brogan says:

    Does Ed know what he’s fixing?

    Like

  29. 29
    Anonymous says:

    May the friggin’ force be with me!

    Like

  30. 30
    Nick Clegg says:

    This time I won’t fail. When is Farage taking this plane up again?

    Like

  31. 31
    Bloke in a bowler hat says:

    Clegg caught manufacturing a few facts for next EU debate

    Like

  32. 32
    Sara B says:

    Maybe I can forge myself a pair…

    Like

  33. 33
    Hayley H says:

    Once this light saber is finished, Farage is getting it.

    Like

    • 231
      Bishop Brennan says:

      Surely Clegg saying, ‘Yes, Lord Vader, I mean Mandelson, your new light sabre will be ready shortly. Leading our army of clones, I mean Young Europeans, we will soon conquer the Galaxy – or at least the Ukraine.’

      Like

  34. 34
    Flower Power says:

    Is that crystal meths I see?

    Like

  35. 35
    Jezza says:

    Light sabre drooped, it has, padawan

    Like

  36. 36
    Mrs Entity says:

    Ex MP & Lib Dem Leader Nick Clegg takes up new adult apprenticeship hoping he can forge closer bonds!

    Like

  37. 37
    Ofgen says:

    Ed’s solution to Britain’s energy deficit

    Like

  38. 38
    Andrew K says:

    Thanks to the EU Globalisation Adjustment Fund I can get the skills to reenter the marketplace when my current job goes.

    Like

  39. 39
    Senior Civil Servant says:

    This virtual reality helmet is great: I’m the PM, holding the wand of office. Please don’t cut the power.

    Like

  40. 40
    Vinny says:

    “Do you expect me not to talk to Labour?” – “No Mr Cable …. I expect you to die!”

    Like

  41. 41
    David Miliband says:

    At least we can’t see his weird face

    Like

  42. 42
    frankie says:

    Harry Potters wand, Lukes lightsabre or Stevie Wonders view of Europe … I which I like.

    Like

  43. 43
    Lord Cashpoint says:

    Ed’s a member of the working class

    Like me

    Like

  44. 44
    Nick leg says:

    Resistance is useless all Britons must become part of the Borg.

    Like

  45. 44
    Comrade Nicholas Cleggski says:

    My straw man was much too weak, so I’m making a tougher one.

    Like

  46. 46
    Mr T says:

    That’s not how you fix Diane’s sex toy , you crazy fool

    Like

  47. 47
    Blow says:

    ‘…..torch?!? That makes a nice change’

    Like

  48. 48
    Ian B says:

    So, once I’ve retrained as a welder will I still be able to claim expenses for a second home?

    Like

  49. 49
    Zero Hedge says:

    The Guardian’s Deputy Editor Claims the UK Government Threatened To Shut The Paper Down

    http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2014-03-28/guardians-deputy-editor-claims-uk-government-threatened-shut-paper-down

    Like

    • 94
      Taxpayer says:

      Britain is clearly post democratic

      An evil oligarchy of thieves and criminals in Government and financial institutions feeding of eachother and trying to suppress free expression when the truth comes out

      Snowden for Nobel Peace Prize I say

      Like

    • 96
      C O (Ξ7m) says:

      He is a bit of a drama queen, desperate to increase his circulation.

      Total body count to date of releases:

      Outlet                   |  Pages
      ------------------------------------------
      The Guardian             |  276
      Washington Post          |  220
      Der Spiegel              |   97
      O Globo Fantastico       |  ~87
      New York Times           |  182 (82 joint)
      Anonymous                |   18
      ProPublica               |   89 (82 joint)
      Le Monde                 |   27
      Dagbladet                |   13
      NRC Handelsblad          |    7
      Huffington Post          |    3
      CBC                      |   36
      The Globe and Mail       |   18
      SVT                      |    2
      L'Espresso               |    3
      Trojkan (SVT)            |   29
      Jacob Appelbaum          |  *71
      Information.dk           |  *22
      Anonymous/New York Times |   18
      NBC News                 |   87
      The Intercept            | *149
      
      * Indicates duplicate releases. 
      
      Source: cryptome.org
      

      Like

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Just seeing if I can fabricate a worthwhile point about staying in the EU

    Like

  51. 51
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Cleggs looks to shore up the gaping hole in HM TitaNICK as it hits UKIP iceberg

    Like

  52. 52
    Aaron D Highside. says:

    Fact: British workers do 7% of all the welding in the world thanks to Lib Dems and the EU.

    Like

    • 174
      Smig says:

      Fact: Lib Dems make up 100% of their arguments thanks to being clueless tosspots with tiny penises. And that includes the women.

      Like

  53. 53
    Potions Master says:

    Expecto Patronum !

    Like

  54. 54
    stowlawn says:

    Aaaaargh….Read the small print.

    Like

  55. 55
    tom says:

    Small print? What small print???

    Like

  56. 56
    Marty says:

    No, Mr Farage, I expect you to die.

    Like

  57. 57
    Jock E. Shorts says:

    I wonder if I could light this sparkler from that light sabre?

    Like

  58. 58
    stowlawn says:

    Aaaargh….Read the small print.

    Like

  59. 58
    Comrade Nicholas Cleggski says:

    I’ll show Farage. By training as a welder I can hopefully one day emigrate to Poland to skew the numbers.

    Like

  60. 58
    hack says:

    “Blue and yellow equals green? That can’t be right….”

    Like

  61. 61
    Finger of fudge says:

    One up the bum no harm done.

    Like

  62. 62
    Savvas says:

    Look at me, the brazing opportunist

    Like

    • 244
      Nick Cleggover - Male We(l)dding Opportunist says:

      I need a new suit of armour as Farage destroyed my last one.

      Like

  63. 63
    Elksy says:

    Nick knew entering coalition would mean sacrifices, but he wasn’t prepared for this

    Like

  64. 64
    The general public - UXB says:

    Cut the yellow

    Like

  65. 65
    Django says:

    Clegg goes to great lengths to prove his member is heat resistant!

    Like

  66. 66
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    May 2015 – and the retraining program for the unemployed is going well.

    Like

  67. 67
    Clareyh says:

    Max, there are EU regulations that you are just not observing and we’re not talking bananas here; I’ll make you a prosthetic.

    Like

  68. 68
    JadedJean12 says:

    Clegg has delusions of becoming Pliny the Welder.

    Like

  69. 69
    Keith Dovkants says:

    Nick Clegg decides it’s about time he built himself a backbone . . .

    Like

  70. 70
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    Nick Cleggs EU fantasy goggles we fantastic, even with the bright light of truth in front of him, it all seemed a bit blurred.

    Like

  71. 71
    David says:

    Thinks….”Once I have learnt welding I can move to Bulgaria and undercut their wages”

    Like

  72. 72
    Angus says:

    Nigel, I am your father….

    Like

  73. 73
    dr steve brule says:

    Gentlemen, we can rebuild him. We have the technology. We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic man. Ed Miliband will be that man.

    Like

  74. 74
    Susan McLean says:

    Do you think they will notice me now?

    Like

  75. 75

    Massive health and safety in the work place issue as welders tie sets fire to owner and workshop with a long term result in hundreds of jobs being lost !!!

    Like

  76. 76
    Broadmoor Tribune says:

    Nick Clegg makes new friends while on day release

    Like

  77. 77
    GK says:

    Proof you cannot teach a monkey to weld.

    Like

  78. 78
    Nicks mum says:

    Nick Clegg dons his Virtual Reality goggles to practice another few rounds with Nigel Farage, using blowtorch to make him sweat more..

    Like

  79. 80
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    “I feel like a cross between Obi-wan Kenobi and Robocop!”

    Like

  80. 81
    Janet says:

    Almost finished the General Election leg to stand on.

    Like

  81. 82
    Welshracer says:

    Clegg “cmon Harry Cole, it’s no time for eating and drinking, but time for hardworking”

    Like

  82. 83
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Nick dons the Oculus virtual reality headset, and inserts the “Owen Jones for a day” program.

    Like

  83. 84
    SkyRimNews says:

    “Facebook paid HOW MUCH for this?”

    Like

  84. 85
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Marvel super-villain ” Dr Monotonous ” builds weapon to defeat CiderMan

    Like

  85. 86

    COALITION CRACKS WORSE THAN FEARED

    Like

  86. 88
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Once I’ve welded us to the EU the UK will never be able to break free.

    Like

  87. 89
    Keith Dovkants says:

    In anticipation of the many, many seats he’s going to lose in the European election, Nick Clegg sets about constructing some more . . .

    Like

  88. 90
    John L says:

    Clegg refuses to remove Oculus Rift glassed ever again, after they show a reality where the Lib Dems hold seats in 2015.

    Like

  89. 91
    FFS why can't people get it right says:

    “Mothering Sunday” – not “Mother’s Day”, which is in May.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mother%27s_Day_(United_States)

    See letter in today’s Torygraph.

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/letters/10727752/Mothering-Sundays-Victorian-British-origins.html

    Like

  90. 92
    leader of the 1% says:

    Am i a Jedi knight yet?

    Like

  91. 97
    IanPJ says:

    Desperately trying to build a solid support for the LibDems.

    Like

  92. 98
    Fank Keefe says:

    I need to learn this trade by 2015 as I might be welding myself to Ed not Dave

    Like

  93. 99
    Hodor! says:

    Disquiet on Harley Street as Nigel notices something different about his dentist…

    Like

  94. 100
    Nile Rodgers says:

    Daft Punk feat. Daft C**t

    Like

  95. 101
    EU is Fanstastic says:

    Nick Clegg, somewhere: “So this is how the new EU directive, making Icecream, works”.

    Like

  96. 102
    Lyndon says:

    This weeks scrapheap challenge is to build a manifesto using other peoples discarded policies and unwanted outdated ideas!

    Like

  97. 103
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Once this time machine is complete I’m going back to 2009 and saying “I do support tuition fees”

    Like

  98. 104
    Nipple Count: 258 says:

    Comedian working on costume ahead of plans to run for election dressed as Doctor Octopus

    Like

  99. 105
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Nick finds him self in uncharted territory for the Lib Dems and he seeks to be constructive.

    Like

  100. 106
    sardonic says:

    Ha ha ha – Dr Octopus will be invincible in the next debate!

    Like

  101. 107
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nigel, I’m going to burn you and skewer you until you DO agree with gay marriage.

    Like

  102. 108
    Old Salvo says:

    Despite being a lame duck Deputy PM, Nick decided to solder on.

    Like

  103. 109
    Rotherhampoofta says:

    “Is this what a real job’s like?”

    Like

  104. 110
    Bill Quango MP says:

    That Breaking Bad boxset Miriam got me is really paying off.

    Like

  105. 111
    Daisy says:

    The white heat of procrastination

    Like

  106. 112
    Whiffler says:

    Yes, thank you Torchy, that just makes the point that this whole debate is about you.

    Like

  107. 113
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Just look how much of your money the lib dems can burn

    Like

  108. 114
    Anonymous says:

    Nick Clegg prepares for work after the next election

    Like

  109. 114
    Sweat in Gordon's Crack says:

    No-one dared tell David Blunkett his Jedi impression was rubbish

    Like

  110. 116
    Lord Owen Jones of The Cottage says:

    Nick “I always thought that my tie was too long,this should burn some off”

    Like

  111. 117
  112. 118
    al owen says:

    No Mr farage, I expect you to die!

    Like

  113. 119
    Jedi Mind Trick says:

    Ed. Eedddd. Join me. I, am your father…

    Like

  114. 120
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Health and safety stated goggles must be worn when near a flame, making Nick feel secure.

    So it was a shock for him when his tie went up

    Like

  115. 121
    njl100 says:

    Now Mr Farage, which is it to be? The blow torch or the poker?

    Like

  116. 122

    Time is running out for Clegg to build his Terminator cyborg for the last debate. ‘That will finish Farage’s chances for good,’ he said to reporters. ‘I’ve just got to figure out time travel now.’

    Like

  117. 123
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Clegg’s Lightsaber was limp and dim, just like his party.

    Like

  118. 124
    Darren J says:

    Nick desperately tries to fix his pipe dream

    Like

  119. 125
    Anonymous says:

    You should have read the small print…Deborah!

    Like

  120. 126
    trewy says:

    in desperation clegg tries to stop career from disappearing down pipes…

    Like

  121. 127
    Ricky Strong says:

    Clegg + magic wand = green energy

    Like

  122. 128
    Newsfox says:

    Nick Clegg Predictably Unaffected by Kryptonite.

    Like

  123. 129
    Funambulist says:

    Cleggy finds the sparklers Guido Fawkes sent him for Nov 5th fail to meet his expectations…

    Like

  124. 131
    Tooth fairy says:

    “When they said Commissioner for Trade, this is not what I had in mind.”

    Like

  125. 132
    57 - 36 says:

    Following his EU run in with Nigel, Nick goes to great lengths to mend his busted credibility.

    Like

  126. 133
    Mehdi Hasan is a racist says:

    Nigel: (heavy breathing due to too many cigars) “Nick I’m your father!”

    Like

  127. 135
    mattdathan says:

    “We’re the party of in… so bend over, Nigel”

    Like

  128. 136
    harry says:

    “No Mr Farage, I expect you to die!”

    Like

  129. 137
    esraep says:

    Comrade Clegg leads by example on being a citizen of the EUSSR.

    Like

  130. 138
    Irritable Sod says:

    Clegg uses the Oculus Rift goggles to craft the new Lib Dem Manifesto

    Like

  131. 140
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Is it Safe?

    Like

  132. 141
    Toby G says:

    Clegg welds some pipe dreams together using his Green Energy policy.

    Clegg mixes reality and VR Fantasy in Oculus Rift – the Lib Dem Escape mission.

    Like

  133. 142
    Jack the Ripper says:

    “I may have lost the debate but I’ll incinerate Nigel at Kerplunk.”

    Like

  134. 143
    Observant says:

    Cleggie looks like a complete tool.

    Like

  135. 144
    Robert Jones says:

    Final touches to my EU gravy train.

    Like

  136. 145
    Purpleline says:

    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    We only want what’s best for him
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    Nigel just needs this helping hand
    And if young Nigel says he’s happy
    He must be happy
    He must be happy in his work
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    He has his future in a British steel
    We’re only making plans for Nigel
    Nigel’s whole future is as good as sealed
    And if young Nigel says he’s happy
    He must be happy
    He must be happy in his work
    Nigel is not outspoken
    But he likes to speak
    And loves to be spoken to
    Nigel is happy in his work
    We’re only making plans for Nigel

    Like

  137. 146
    Tom says:

    So this is what my arse looks like…

    Like

  138. 147
    Sid Cleverbollocks says:

    ‘We’ll see if Farage is so cocky in the second debate when I turn up in my fully armoured exo-skeleton.’

    Like

  139. 148
    ITB says:

    No, Mr Farage. I expect you to die.

    Like

  140. 150
    Peter Grant says:

    “Gentlemen! We can rebuild the Lib Dems credibility over Europe! We have the technology!

    Like

  141. 151
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nick Clegg makes some more excuses

    Like

  142. 152
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Nicky the Mickey was a wise guy. Hung around all the dry joints in town…

    Like

  143. 153
    Dangerous Brian says:

    “So, simply by applying the torch and braizing rod to this metal structure I can receive a huge susidy by pretending its a new form of self financing renewable energy?”
    “Wait till I tell Ed Davey and the rest of the gang, we’ll be back in government in 2015 for deffo”.

    Like

  144. 155
    Sage Vals says:

    “Only two more arms and my ‘Dr Octopus’ costume is complete!”

    http://marvel.com/universe/Doctor_Octopus_(Otto_Octavius)

    Like

  145. 157
    mac says:

    Is this a dagger which I see before me …

    (Came far on rage)

    Like

  146. 158

    As the Deputy Prime Minister played on his virtual reality Harry Potter game, the hook handed student Jedi sensed his opportunity to strike back against tuition fees

    Like

  147. 159
    Cynic2 says:

    Nick works on a new spine for a new debate

    Like

  148. 160
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nick notes on the experiment log…

    Credibility burns with a green flame

    Like

  149. 161
    Hannibal Smith says:

    “This welding’s all well and good Mr Baracus … but how can The A-Team possibly help me keep my deposit in 2015?”

    Like

  150. 162
    sardonic says:

    Clegg ponders how many more junctions his pipe will need before he can propose an EU replacement to Russia’s gas.

    Like

  151. 163
    Maria Miller says:

    Nobody told me the loser of the debate would have to sort out Pickles plumbing !

    Like

  152. 164
    Jan Kozminski says:

    Brazen liar.

    Like

  153. 165
    Funambulist says:

    Nick’s screen test for the new Marvel superhero epic fails to ignite.

    Like

  154. 166
    TobyG says:

    Clegg welds his latest pipe dream together using Lib Dem Green Energy policy.

    Clegg confuses fantasy with reality in the latest Oculus Rift Game – Lib Dems constructing arguments for the EU

    Like

  155. 167
    Cynic2 says:

    Nick’s fantasy of Daine Abbott as Biker Chick moved one step closer

    Like

  156. 168
    Nic Clagg says:

    (Waves blowtorch) Zroom, zroom … Nick, I’m you father … zroom, zroom.

    Like

  157. 169
    Anonymous says:

    So Farage thinks I don’t know what a proper job is. Well this carpentry lark is a breeze.

    Like

  158. 169
    sardonic says:

    Clegg was told an eco-friendly glo-stick can weld global warming gas pipes into a 10KW turbine.

    Like

  159. 171
    Nonny Mouse says:

    Limp Dim

    Like

  160. 172
    Vlad the Loudhailer says:

    Is this what a proper job is like?

    Like

  161. 173
    Funambulist says:

    Nick suddenly realised he wasn’t the only stowaway in the bowels of the Nostromo…

    Like

  162. 175
    Politian in the Lab says:

    If you think I am going to produce anything then you are joking. The last time a politian stepped into a lab was in 1992, when Margaret Thatcher pulled a switch, moments later, up stood what is known as Ian Duncan-Smith. We, the Cabinent, DWP, and John Major Cabinent of old have to tolerate the thing. It was made for Parliament, it stays in Parliament. It won’t go away.

    Like

  163. 175
    Floatingvoter says:

    Miriam. Miriam look at this It’s called a proper job !!!!

    Like

  164. 177
    Anonymous says:

    “I’m sorry, mister, I’m not a real welder….”

    Like

  165. 180
    Lord and Lady Establishment-Stooge of Brussels says:

    Here’s a trick I learned from Reverend Flowers.

    Like

  166. 181

    Yep. Nice hole in the fuel pipe. Now to fix it back on Nigel’s ‘plane.

    Like

  167. 182
    Mr Nobody says:

    Could someone pass me the next piece of Meccano…?

    Like

  168. 185
    al o says:

    You sure this is how to fix my phone or are you civil servants taking the piss again?

    Like

  169. 187
    Sean Harkin says:

    Oscar Pistorius declines new legs made by Nic “The Welder” Cleggie!

    Like

  170. 190
    wrinkled weasel says:

    I’m in The Matrix. I’ve got a Light Sabre. I’m fucking Captain Europe.

    Like

  171. 191
    Nu Attack Dog says:

    “Nick we said you should act more like Mrs T NOT Mr T…..”

    Like

  172. 192
    coffindodga says:

    Clegg, trying to run the weld.

    Like

  173. 194
    Funambulist says:

    “No, Mr Farage, I expect you NOT to talk…”

    Like

  174. 195
    Rob says:

    Clegg prepares for life after 2015 with an NVQ in metal work

    Like

  175. 196
    Silent Majority says:

    Nick Clegg had a go at welding during a visit to Tube-o-matrix, a Boeing subcontractor

    Like

  176. 197
    I'm lost... says:

    “No, no, no, it wasn’t a blow torch I was after”

    Like

  177. 198
    Richard says:

    Clegg stitiched up yet again: “This Virtual Headset is a f*****g con! My light sabre looks like a welding torch!”

    Like

  178. 199
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The next debate will be settled by Robot Wars

    Like

  179. 200
    dylan says:

    “Well, I *WAS* a bigger man that Max Clifford….”

    Like

  180. 201
    djd says:

    Rules to prevent future Lib Dem sex scandals – No 34: Be satisfied with a blowtorch

    Like

  181. 202
    Halitosis says:

    Clegg and his Dearth of Ideas costume

    Like

  182. 202
    Michael Rennie says:

    Klaatu Barata Nick Clegg.

    Like

  183. 204
    IrvSwerve says:

    Nigel,can you just put your finger here for a sec?

    Like

  184. 205
    Rob says:

    Concerns over Lib Dem’s PR advice after Clegg claims to carry the torch for green energy.

    Like

  185. 206
    Nick says:

    Red, Green and Brown.

    Clegg’s true colours revealed.

    Like

  186. 207
    I want cash, not flowers! says:

    Should’ve gone to Specsavers!

    Like

  187. 208
    Neil says:

    Nick Clegg visits the top secret light saber research facility, just outside Newport Pagnell.

    Like

  188. 209
    2015 wipeout says:

    Following the debate Nick felt it might be prudent to begin his resettlement training.

    Like

  189. 210
    Funambulist says:

    Cleggie thought he’d successfully nicked Jumbo’s crack pipe when SUDDENLY…

    Like

  190. 211
    Peter Parker says:

    Clegg prepares his Dr Octopus costume to catch Farage off-guard at their next meeting…

    Like

  191. 212
    jgm2 says:

    British plumber about to be replaced by poll.

    Like

  192. 213
    Anonymous says:

    ‘Tell Obama I’ll call him back…’

    Like

  193. 214
    In-Out says:

    Overly-formal welder set to fall victim to EU exit-related job losses at North East car plant.

    Like

  194. 216
    Bill says:

    Clegg welds himself to the EU idealogy

    Like

  195. 217
    wibble says:

    A Turkish apprentice learning how to make Ford Transit vans.

    Like

  196. 218
    Marvel says:

    Clegg reveals his bionic arm in readiness for Farage…

    Like

  197. 219
    Expat says:

    Clegg plumbing the depths again.

    Like

  198. 220
    Poet's day says:

    “Bugger. I thought it was a gay welding law that was coming in.”

    Like

  199. 221
    Del Boy says:

    Nick builds on the ambitions of the European Coal and Steel Community.

    Like

  200. 222
    CE? says:

    European Legislation

    The European Union and associated countries have some of the most comprehensive legislation regarding the performance requirements and use of personal protective equipment (PPE), and this cover all forms of safety eyewear. It is a requirement that safety eyewear must be assessed and CE marked before it can be supplied into the European market. It has now been illegal for many years to place an item of PPE on the market in a European Member State unless it carries the CE mark.

    In Europe, there are two pieces of legislation that are closely related in terms of safety eyewear. Directive 89/656/EEC – the ‘use’ Directive, covers the use of PPE at work, requiring employers to provide suitable PPE to employees where a particular hazard cannot be eliminated by other means. European Directive 89/686/EEC the Personal Protective Equipment Directive covers minimum health and safety performance criteria and procedures for PPE placed on the market within the European Economic area to ensure it is fit for its intended purpose. It specifies in general terms what features should be addressed in the design of PPE and how it should be tested and certified. Products meeting the requirements of the PPE directive should be marked with the ‘CE’ symbol.

    Like

  201. 224
    Clegg says:

    PPE? I don’t need no stinking PPE!

    Like

  202. 225
    Nigel Farage says:

    blinkered cnut

    Like

  203. 226
    Belgian Bee says:

    “I’m on top of the weld”

    Like

  204. 227
    A prostrate Nigel Farage says:

    “For fuck’s sake okay! I agree with Nick!”

    Like

  205. 228
    Anonymous says:

    I said that I wanted a blow job not a blow torch!

    Like

  206. 229
    Irritable Sod says:

    I said I wanted a blow job, not a blow torch!!

    Like

  207. 230
    CE? says:

    I LIKE BELGIAN BEE quote but its at 312pm

    Like

  208. 234
    ROGER MYBUTT(can't wait for midnight edition) says:

    The twat Clegg shows just how brazen he is

    Like

  209. 235
    ElginJon says:

    So this is how we’re going to get the Lib Dem votes into the ballot boxes for the Euro Elections, does everyone understand?

    Like

  210. 236
    Village Idiot says:

    …”What the hell am I supposed to do”?

    Like

  211. 237
    MorayJon says:

    Dave has been telling me i need to learn a new trade for after the 2015 General Election.

    Like

  212. 239
    Firesnake says:

    Post Farage fight, Dark Lord Clegg revives the Ministry of Power with MPs Potter and Kenobe to hone his attack methods.
    Confusion reigns.

    Damn too late.

    Like

  213. 240
    Jack Ketch says:

    THINKS:” Are we dabbling with forces we barely understand?”

    Like

  214. 241
    Garrotted says:

    “Oi hangman, not like that……the noose should go under his chin”

    Like

  215. 242
    Nigel says:

    Hang on. You’re not my dentist.

    Like

  216. 243
    Arbuthnot says:

    So, Mr Miliband, I give you one last chance – tell me what your policy is concerning a referendum on the EU, or …

    Like

  217. 245
    Londoner says:

    And we will subsidise employers so that people will travel all the way from Bucharest to do this on minimum wage.

    Like

  218. 246
    Anonymous says:

    the white heat of banality

    Like

  219. 247
    Kim Jong-deux says:

    He was only a welder’s MP but he had a set o’ lean poll ratings.

    Like

  220. 248
    Blue Light says:

    Terminator Origins: Piping Hot

    Like

  221. 249
    Ben says:

    Nick is an expert in Hot air on all things green

    Like

  222. 250
    Dessert Rat says:

    Braz(ing)en liar!

    Like

  223. 256
    Anonymous says:

    Same sex welding!! ….sorry , best I could do :-(

    Like

  224. 257
    Sir Roger de Senseless says:

    Is that that idiot Clegg?

    Like

  225. 258
    Eardstapa says:

    A brazen attempt at a real world photo op.

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

UKIP Mosque Confusion | The Week
Let’s Ban the Word Internet | Padraig Reidy
Are the Broadcasters Ready For the Election? | Specccie
Moral Bankruptcy of the BBC | David Keighley
UKIP’s ‘Starsky and Hutch’ | Total Politics
Innocent Sun Journo Just Doing Her Job | Sun
Boris Sent Up North | Times
The Only Way to Mend the EU | Leo McKinstry
Northern Labour Tearing Party Apart | David Aaronovitch
Osborne is Son of Brown | Peter Oborne
Uber Needs to Mind Its Manners | CapX


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Tony Blair threatens Ed:

“If you had a strong political lead that was combining the politics of aspiration with the politics of compassion, I still think that’s where you could get a substantial majority…  If I ever do an interview on [the state of the Labour Party], it will have to be at length…”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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