March 25th, 2014

SKETCH: Rachel Reeves, Labour’s Electronic Whiteboard

The liveliest moment in the Work and Pensions Budget debate came when Mark Harper named “the very well-known website, Guido Fawkes”. Shouts of protest from Labour. Wasn’t there some sort of rule, some guide to parliamentary language? What was the Speaker thinking?

Ah, Bercow’s campaign to propitiate the Tories is coming along nicely. He is considerably less loathsome in this new incarnation. Hardly loathsome at all, some say (Christians, mainly). If his backstage bullying has abated, that will suggest a complete personal refit. Any information welcome.

Mark Harper. He quoted the story (run below) revealing Ms Reeves’ raving red ambitions to offer hundreds of billions in universal benefits. Had she or hadn’t she said it?

Hers was the party, she riposted, that was prepared to take tough decisions.

She will need something dramatic to entice the electorate. Ms Reeves makes IDS look normal.

She emerged from the same backrooms that manufactured Ed Balls – using what office products were there to hand. She has the charisma of an electronic whiteboard, and engages her audiences as powerfully as those life-sized holograms at Luton airport.

But the text-to-speech program she runs off – it puts in a full stop between words to separate them out. Her Ts are double Ts (‘hospi-tturl’). And she produces sequences – not sentences – like “Labour’s Compulsory Jobs Guarantee” as though it meant something. That’s worse than “the Cost of Living Crisis”.

And they talk about “out of touch Tories”.

Her critique of the Budget mentioned the CJG and the COLC , and the TDs they’d take to A the BT (or the SRS as IDS calls it), but none of this has the pulling power of dusty old annuities.

Abolishing compulsory annuity purchase has thrown the whole one-term-opposition project into complete disarray.

It can’t have been much of a project.

In the absence of policies you need personalities. But Labour hasn’t got them either.

They’ve got RY&EEs.

Like him or not, Cameron is a person. And with a following wind, the same can almost be said for Osborne, too.


  1. 1
    Ed Miliband says:

    It’s a cost of lisping crisis.


  2. 2
    Ed Miliband says:

    Comrade Reeves came from HBOS – deeply suspect. Did she get bonuses for 2007-2008?


  3. 3
    Sarcan III, Kebab King says:

    Rachel Reeves skewered like a kofta!


    • 56
      Flowers in the ai says:

      Who are you calling a kofta?


      • 74
        Big Momma says:

        I see you are on telly tonight Reverend Flowers but only after being primed by the BBC so you can blame ALL your misdeeds on the current government.
        So the BBC now have a policy to put criminals on TV to make their brownie points for Liebor.


  4. 4
    Ollie says:

    But…she is quite pretty for MP standards…


  5. 5
    Wrong Career says:

    I’m sure she’d make a good diversity outreach officer or maybe a junior audit manager. But politics? Hmm, she has a voice that nobody listens to.


  6. 6
    Jacky Treehorn says:

    I don’t know what it is about her but I fancy her.
    I despise everything about the left but I would stll shag her.


    • 9
      Anonymous says:

      You need help…see a doctor or someone soon.


      • 27
        Eddy Balls says:

        There’s gay, there’s hetero, and then there’s the strange non-gender that thinks Reeves and Flint are fuckable.


        • 47
          JH-230912384590231 says:

          I find Sarah Teather actually quite shaggable.

          Yes, I know.

          Is there any sort of group I can go to, like those dodgy Churches that promise they can turn you straight?

          Would anyone else like to own up to inappropriate attractions to political blart?


        • 53
          broderick crawford says:

          No I have to disagree there Eddy .. Flint is certainly shaggable albeit as a one nighter


    • 51
      broderick crawford says:

      the second syllable of your surname certainly bespeaks to your intentions Mr Treehorn.


    • 85
      I don't like it when they move says:

      It would be similar to necrophilia.


    • 111
      Vinny says:

      I’ve never subscribed to the any-hole’s-a-goal philosophy – I have more respect for my honourable member.


  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Reeves always succeeds in getting me to turn off the TV or radio when she hits the airwaves, she is so boring!


  8. 8
    A member of the public says:

    Sale of forests
    Racist vans
    Immigrant cleaner

    STFU you imbecile.


  9. 10
    Jimmy says:

    “Like him or not, Cameron is a person”

    And a serial liar.


  10. 11
    Snotfairy says:

    Labour need a ruddy good shaking if they can’t exploit the Tory nightmare.

    Given the absurd, immoral, and psychopathic inegalitarianism of the Tories, a donkey with a red carnation should be able to beat a Conservative to a seat.

    For Christ sake Labour, get your arse in gear


    • 19
      Bill Rook says:

      You forgot the baby-eating you slag


    • 41
      Holy Father says:

      They’ve got plenty of those, in safe Labour seats all over the north of England and S Wales.

      And, despite turning out an loyally voting for said donkeys, their lives remain shit and their neighbourhoods remain miserable.

      The donkeys, on the other hand, do very nicely indeed. Some of their donkey offspring follow in their hoofsteps instead of bothering themselves with the hassle of getting a real job.


    • 67

      There’s the small matter of Labour’s NHS, the Envy Of The World, using foetuses as firewood to deal with before the election, together with the reports on abuse and the untimely death of patients which will be dribbling out all the way to May 15. Folk need constantly reminding just how utterly repulsive Socialists are.


    • 114
      Rev Flours says:

      Labour are more likely to get gear in their arse.


  11. 13
    Ed Mililecter says:

    Tonight I’ll be watching Thtar Trek Into Darkneth with a plate of fava beanth and a nith Chianti. Thith-thith-thith-thith!


  12. 15
    Nemesis says:

    She’s a nice bit of crumpet whatever anybody says about her.


    • 29
      jgm2 says:

      I can only assume that you’re getting older and that any young(er) lady, however average-looking, suddenly looks youthful and blooming and becoming.

      I find it myself wondering where all the pretty ladies suddenly came from but I think it’s just the old selfish gene and brain stem kicking in ‘young lady = fertile = attractive’. Step back a bit, get the rest of the brain working though and Rachel is no better than average. Certainly nothing to have you punching the air about the morning after. Well, not in your twenties anyway. Perhaps in your fifties she might represent a personal coup.


    • 62
      99% of the population agree says:

      I have made you an appointment at Specsavers mate.
      She’s the gene makeup of a warthog, except not as pretty.


    • 81
      Village Idiot says:

      …Obviously, would “fuck a frog”,…if you could stop it hopping!!


  13. 20
    Al Packer says:

    Royal Mail to shed 1,600 staff – the ugly outcome of privatisation.

    So think of the UK as a country in the process of being fully privatised by the Tories, and think the consequences through of allowing them back in


    • 23
      Put that in your pipe and smoke it, sir! says:

      I’ll see your 1,600 jobs and raise you with the 1,200,000 new jobs have been created since 2010.


      • 31
        jgm2 says:

        And almost all those 1,200,000 jobs private jobs ie jobs that don’t require us to borrow another 40bn to pay them this year.


        • 59
          Silent Majority says:

          It’s good, isn’t it!

          Imagine if this caught on, we could have a decent economy that allows all to prosper.


          • Jim says:

            Naa, they would soon find a new benefit to pay out. It is too good a gravy train for everyone involved, except the taxpayer.
            Just think if they stopped paying cash but supplied goods instead. Instead of ten ponds at Christmas a Christmas party the week before? Cheaper and more fun. Real food to eat every week and close the food banks that are robbed every day.


      • 75
        You Know Who in the last government says:

        I’ll raise you the 1200 people I killed at Stafford – Only a few hundred despots can beat that.


    • 32
      Socialism is theft says:

      Maybe you have forgotten that Labour left office after 13 disastrous years with more unemployed than when they started.

      And you can see the brilliance of nationalisation with the awfulness that is the NHS, where patient’s lives are far less important than socialist doctrine. And what do you say to all the many countries in the civilised world whose privatised health services are far superior to our own? Where patient healthcare is far more important – if they want to stay in business.


      • 80
        Jim says:

        Little of that was reported by the BBC. Even today they only report the Tory debt without any explanation as to why the money is being spent. People remember what they want to remember with such a failed Media in the UK. Only the other day they were saying youth unemployment was only because of Tory policies since 2010.


      • 99
        Expat escapee says:

        Just got back in from taking the wife to a local private hospital. Excellent service, place was spotless, nobody on a trolley anywhere in sight, appointment kept on time, polite, friendly docs and nurses who know their job.

        I won’t tell you how much I paid as you will all go quite spare – but I still had enough change left to refill the Merc on the way home.


    • 36
      The state should not exist says:

      Yes, all middle managers that don’t deliver anything and are completely unnecessary.
      Privatisation is a cleansing, I can’t wait for it to be applied to the BBC.


  14. 24
    Rachel Reeves says:

    This cost of living crisis, combined with the bedroom tax, is another example of cutting too far too fast, which will lead to a double dip recession that will only allow a tax cut for millionaires and a worsening cost of living crisis and more people paying the bedroom tax because of the Tory-led coalition cutting too far too fast, which will result in a triple dip recession that gives millionaires a tax cut, resulting in an ever worsening cost of living crisis that’s compounded by the bedroom tax that’s been brought about by the Tories cutting too far too fast so that they can give millionaires a tax cut, which will lead to a quadruple dip recession and a cost of bedroom crisis tax too far too millionaire’s tax dip cut recession bedroom crisis.

    Did I get everything in, Mr Miliband?


    • 57
      UKIP or bust says:

      Yeth, and here’th a nithe bag of oats. Woa, back, theady on there girl juth let me get the bag over your head, there now, out in the paddock you go.


    • 100
      Milibog Cleaner says:

      Stupid bloody woman! I told you not to mention our 11% pay rise. Now you’ve been and gone and done it!


  15. 26
    Blowing Whistles says:

    It’s all sadly ‘Mantras’, ‘more Mantras’, and ‘more fucking Mantras’

    The all [MP’s] speak with forked tongue – it must be a new language …

    Fork-tongue speak.

    btw – That was a P… poor effort by the midnight stalker / IMPOSTER – LAST NIGHT. Absolutely pathetic and laughable at just looking at the timing of each post. Fucking Novice troll.


  16. 30
    john in cheshire says:

    And this entity calls herself a Christian? She must have a warped understanding of the religion. Personally, I think it’s impossible to be a socialist and a Christian.


    • 63
      The very, very listenable too dozy cow that I is says:

      I gotta cross, so I’zzz a Christian inn I?


    • 68

      It’s impossible to be a Marxist and a Christian. At one time, Methodists and other low churchmen were the backbone of Labour and did some fine work in support of the underprivileged . These people believed in raising up rather than levelling down, and were hot for good housing, good education and good medicine for the poor. No wonder the Marxists drove them out of the Labour Party. Methodist Labour would never have allowed Shirley Williams to destroy the school system that they had wrought.


  17. 42
    Fishy says:

    ‘…She has the charisma of an electronic whiteboard…’

    That’ll be a blank electronic whiteboard then.


  18. 43
    the mystical mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    now there’s a bit of happy diversity


  19. 44
    fuckarper says:

    “Our local MP, Mark Harper, believes that as your elected representative, it is his job to be the voice of the Forest of Dean in Westminster, not Westminster’s voice in the Forest of Dean”

    EXCEPT HE ISN’T AND HE DOESN’T HE’S A CNUT WHO IGNORES HIS CONSTITUENTS AND DOES WHAT THE FUCK HE LIKES – nice little earners on his expense, not too much, not too little, combs his hair everyday and now does his own washing up after losing his poor, illegal nanny, fucking bastard that he is


  20. 45
    broderick crawford says:

    Dandy in a suit : ” Rachel , were you wafted here from Haides? ”

    Rachel ; ” Naahh …. Luton Airport “


  21. 48
    Drone says:

    She reminds me of Holly in Red Dwarf


  22. 55
    Justin Poofyboots says:

    They’ve got RY&EEs? They are imposters who pretend they know what they are doing. It worked for Brown, for a while at least. Labour are rubbish!


  23. 58
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Get this – and there are only 650 of the deluded, lying, selfserving, gutless, thieving, duplicitous, amoral, craven to the city and lobbying moneymen of them

    Bring on the peaceful revolution – and their hanging from lamp posts.


  24. 70
    Looon Watch says:


  25. 71
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    What is the advantage to the UK in pissing off the Russians ? Ukraine administration needs to be legitimized by election to remove any justification for Russia to make further action.


    • 104
      You creign if u want to says:

      Better if the Ukraine is returned in full to Russia – to stop the lunacy emanating from Brussels if nothing else. Plus do you imaging hooded paid Russian thugs will permit peaceful and honest elections in the rest of the country. Are you suffering from braincell rot?


  26. 83
    carlo gambino says:

    Leave a Comment



  27. 118
    Anonymous says:

    “Mark Harper named “the very well-known website, Guido Fawkes”
    as the last known preserve of free speech? Where those few independent thinkers left in the wild can still point out that, if democracy equates to plebiscites. How can one have (or even claim) the presence of a democracy sans plebiscites?


Seen Elsewhere

Twitter Should Not Ban Racist Words | Alex Wickham
Guardian Staff’s Elite Schooling | Chris McGovern
Term-Time Holidays Were State Encouraged | Liberal England
What Did Britain Really Look Like in 1930s? | CapX
Who Is Steering Labour’s Strategy? | Ballot Box
Greens are UKIP for Young People | Telegraph
Short-Termism of CCHQ | ConHome
May Aide: CCHQ Are Being Misleading | Telegraph
Tories Planning For Second Election | Guardian
We Are Losing Cyber War | Fraser Nelson
Osborne Aide Lands Pay Rise | Mirror

Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

The Economist asks Tony Blair about Wendi Deng:

“Mr Blair roundly denies any impropriety. Asked whether he was (at least) careless about his reputation, he says calmly that it is “not something I will ever talk about—I haven’t and I won’t”, and then bangs his coffee cup so loudly into its saucer that it spills and everyone in the room jumps. But did he find himself in a tangle over his friendship with Ms Deng? A large, dark pool of sweat has suddenly appeared under his armpit, spreading across an expensive blue shirt. Even Mr Blair’s close friends acknowledge that the saga damaged him—not least financially, since Mr Murdoch stopped contributing to Mr Blair’s faith foundation and cut him off from other friendly donors in America.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,641 other followers