March 25th, 2014

SKETCH: Rachel Reeves, Labour’s Electronic Whiteboard

The liveliest moment in the Work and Pensions Budget debate came when Mark Harper named “the very well-known website, Guido Fawkes”. Shouts of protest from Labour. Wasn’t there some sort of rule, some guide to parliamentary language? What was the Speaker thinking?

Ah, Bercow’s campaign to propitiate the Tories is coming along nicely. He is considerably less loathsome in this new incarnation. Hardly loathsome at all, some say (Christians, mainly). If his backstage bullying has abated, that will suggest a complete personal refit. Any information welcome.

Mark Harper. He quoted the story (run below) revealing Ms Reeves’ raving red ambitions to offer hundreds of billions in universal benefits. Had she or hadn’t she said it?

Hers was the party, she riposted, that was prepared to take tough decisions.

She will need something dramatic to entice the electorate. Ms Reeves makes IDS look normal.

She emerged from the same backrooms that manufactured Ed Balls – using what office products were there to hand. She has the charisma of an electronic whiteboard, and engages her audiences as powerfully as those life-sized holograms at Luton airport.

But the text-to-speech program she runs off – it puts in a full stop between words to separate them out. Her Ts are double Ts (‘hospi-tturl’). And she produces sequences – not sentences – like “Labour’s Compulsory Jobs Guarantee” as though it meant something. That’s worse than “the Cost of Living Crisis”.

And they talk about “out of touch Tories”.

Her critique of the Budget mentioned the CJG and the COLC , and the TDs they’d take to A the BT (or the SRS as IDS calls it), but none of this has the pulling power of dusty old annuities.

Abolishing compulsory annuity purchase has thrown the whole one-term-opposition project into complete disarray.

It can’t have been much of a project.

In the absence of policies you need personalities. But Labour hasn’t got them either.

They’ve got RY&EEs.

Like him or not, Cameron is a person. And with a following wind, the same can almost be said for Osborne, too.


  1. 1
    Ed Miliband says:

    It’s a cost of lisping crisis.

  2. 2
    Ed Miliband says:

    Comrade Reeves came from HBOS – deeply suspect. Did she get bonuses for 2007-2008?

  3. 3
    Sarcan III, Kebab King says:

    Rachel Reeves skewered like a kofta!

  4. 4
    Ollie says:

    But…she is quite pretty for MP standards…

  5. 5
    Wrong Career says:

    I’m sure she’d make a good diversity outreach officer or maybe a junior audit manager. But politics? Hmm, she has a voice that nobody listens to.

  6. 6
    Jacky Treehorn says:

    I don’t know what it is about her but I fancy her.
    I despise everything about the left but I would stll shag her.

  7. 7
    Anonymous says:

    Reeves always succeeds in getting me to turn off the TV or radio when she hits the airwaves, she is so boring!

  8. 8
    A member of the public says:

    Sale of forests
    Racist vans
    Immigrant cleaner

    STFU you imbecile.

  9. 9
    Anonymous says:

    You need help…see a doctor or someone soon.

  10. 10
    Jimmy says:

    “Like him or not, Cameron is a person”

    And a serial liar.

  11. 11
    Snotfairy says:

    Labour need a ruddy good shaking if they can’t exploit the Tory nightmare.

    Given the absurd, immoral, and psychopathic inegalitarianism of the Tories, a donkey with a red carnation should be able to beat a Conservative to a seat.

    For Christ sake Labour, get your arse in gear

  12. 12
    Loony Left says:

    That’s Community Cohesion and Cultural Outreach and Diversity Office, thank you!

  13. 13
    Ed Mililecter says:

    Tonight I’ll be watching Thtar Trek Into Darkneth with a plate of fava beanth and a nith Chianti. Thith-thith-thith-thith!

  14. 14
    Sue Denim says:


  15. 15
    Nemesis says:

    She’s a nice bit of crumpet whatever anybody says about her.

  16. 16
    Nemesis says:

    You should be looking at her legs not listening to her mate.

  17. 17
    Nemesis says:

    She’s a good looker whether or not she’s an MP.

  18. 18
    Bill Rook says:


  19. 19
    Bill Rook says:

    You forgot the baby-eating you slag

  20. 20
    Al Packer says:

    Royal Mail to shed 1,600 staff – the ugly outcome of privatisation.

    So think of the UK as a country in the process of being fully privatised by the Tories, and think the consequences through of allowing them back in

  21. 21
    fuckarper says:

    agree entirely – harpic has extremely good track record what???

  22. 22
    Plonker Alert says:

    What’s a racist van and where can I buy a forest?

  23. 23
    Put that in your pipe and smoke it, sir! says:

    I’ll see your 1,600 jobs and raise you with the 1,200,000 new jobs have been created since 2010.

  24. 24
    Rachel Reeves says:

    This cost of living crisis, combined with the bedroom tax, is another example of cutting too far too fast, which will lead to a double dip recession that will only allow a tax cut for millionaires and a worsening cost of living crisis and more people paying the bedroom tax because of the Tory-led coalition cutting too far too fast, which will result in a triple dip recession that gives millionaires a tax cut, resulting in an ever worsening cost of living crisis that’s compounded by the bedroom tax that’s been brought about by the Tories cutting too far too fast so that they can give millionaires a tax cut, which will lead to a quadruple dip recession and a cost of bedroom crisis tax too far too millionaire’s tax dip cut recession bedroom crisis.

    Did I get everything in, Mr Miliband?

  25. 25
    Eddy Balls says:

    I would rather put my cock in a mincing machine than go anywhere near that humourless harridan. The quality of women where you come from must be dire.

  26. 26
    Blowing Whistles says:

    It’s all sadly ‘Mantras’, ‘more Mantras’, and ‘more fucking Mantras’

    The all [MP’s] speak with forked tongue – it must be a new language …

    Fork-tongue speak.

    btw – That was a P… poor effort by the midnight stalker / IMPOSTER – LAST NIGHT. Absolutely pathetic and laughable at just looking at the timing of each post. Fucking Novice troll.

  27. 27
    Eddy Balls says:

    There’s gay, there’s hetero, and then there’s the strange non-gender that thinks Reeves and Flint are fuckable.

  28. 28
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, Green Nazis & other Wasters says:

    Similar to Red Miliband, Rachel isn’t the sharpest tool in the box and hopefully will help sink the Labour Party.

  29. 29
    jgm2 says:

    I can only assume that you’re getting older and that any young(er) lady, however average-looking, suddenly looks youthful and blooming and becoming.

    I find it myself wondering where all the pretty ladies suddenly came from but I think it’s just the old selfish gene and brain stem kicking in ‘young lady = fertile = attractive’. Step back a bit, get the rest of the brain working though and Rachel is no better than average. Certainly nothing to have you punching the air about the morning after. Well, not in your twenties anyway. Perhaps in your fifties she might represent a personal coup.

  30. 30
    john in cheshire says:

    And this entity calls herself a Christian? She must have a warped understanding of the religion. Personally, I think it’s impossible to be a socialist and a Christian.

  31. 31
    jgm2 says:

    And almost all those 1,200,000 jobs private jobs ie jobs that don’t require us to borrow another 40bn to pay them this year.

  32. 32
    Socialism is theft says:

    Maybe you have forgotten that Labour left office after 13 disastrous years with more unemployed than when they started.

    And you can see the brilliance of nationalisation with the awfulness that is the NHS, where patient’s lives are far less important than socialist doctrine. And what do you say to all the many countries in the civilised world whose privatised health services are far superior to our own? Where patient healthcare is far more important – if they want to stay in business.

  33. 33
    Rickytshirt says:

    Cotht of thniffing cwisis.

  34. 34
    A pulchitrudinous pygmy says:

    Standards in Westminster seem to be remarkably low these days

  35. 35
    M102 says:

    Weren’t the libdems selling forests at the start of the parliment? A r@cist van is a white one.

  36. 36
    The state should not exist says:

    Yes, all middle managers that don’t deliver anything and are completely unnecessary.
    Privatisation is a cleansing, I can’t wait for it to be applied to the BBC.

  37. 37
    Holy Father says:

    Good lunch, Sir?

  38. 38
    Fishy says:

    It’s like a TV Licence Detector Van but visible only to those on the left

  39. 39
    Holy Father says:

    Indeed. Black vans cannot be racist. They go to the wall for their etc etc…

  40. 40
    Fishy says:

    Al has forgotten to mention the 350 jobs Royal mail are creating on the front line.

  41. 41
    Holy Father says:

    They’ve got plenty of those, in safe Labour seats all over the north of England and S Wales.

    And, despite turning out an loyally voting for said donkeys, their lives remain shit and their neighbourhoods remain miserable.

    The donkeys, on the other hand, do very nicely indeed. Some of their donkey offspring follow in their hoofsteps instead of bothering themselves with the hassle of getting a real job.

  42. 42
    Fishy says:

    ‘…She has the charisma of an electronic whiteboard…’

    That’ll be a blank electronic whiteboard then.

  43. 43
    the mystical mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    now there’s a bit of happy diversity

  44. 44
    fuckarper says:

    “Our local MP, Mark Harper, believes that as your elected representative, it is his job to be the voice of the Forest of Dean in Westminster, not Westminster’s voice in the Forest of Dean”

    EXCEPT HE ISN’T AND HE DOESN’T HE’S A CNUT WHO IGNORES HIS CONSTITUENTS AND DOES WHAT THE FUCK HE LIKES – nice little earners on his expense, not too much, not too little, combs his hair everyday and now does his own washing up after losing his poor, illegal nanny, fucking bastard that he is

  45. 45
    broderick crawford says:

    Dandy in a suit : ” Rachel , were you wafted here from Haides? ”

    Rachel ; ” Naahh …. Luton Airport “

  46. 46
    Heidi Alexander MP says:

    What about me?

  47. 47
    JH-230912384590231 says:

    I find Sarah Teather actually quite shaggable.

    Yes, I know.

    Is there any sort of group I can go to, like those dodgy Churches that promise they can turn you straight?

    Would anyone else like to own up to inappropriate attractions to political blart?

  48. 48
    Drone says:

    She reminds me of Holly in Red Dwarf

  49. 49
    The stete should not exist says:

    The left really do have a poor, collective memory – won’t hear this part of the news on the BBC either.

  50. 50
    broderick crawford says:

    Can you still see your member over the ever increasing paunch Ed?

    Oh .. and be careful not to overdo those MP football matches without sufficient pre match work out build ups .

    Rember what happened to poor Mr Crow …

  51. 51
    broderick crawford says:

    the second syllable of your surname certainly bespeaks to your intentions Mr Treehorn.

  52. 52
    Man living in Red Wharf Bay, Anglesey says:

    Watch it Boyo

  53. 53
    broderick crawford says:

    No I have to disagree there Eddy .. Flint is certainly shaggable albeit as a one nighter

  54. 54
    broderick crawford says:

    Gosh do we still have members of the public ?
    I thought they had all died and gone to a celestial food bank.

  55. 55
    Justin Poofyboots says:

    They’ve got RY&EEs? They are imposters who pretend they know what they are doing. It worked for Brown, for a while at least. Labour are rubbish!

  56. 56
    Flowers in the ai says:

    Who are you calling a kofta?

  57. 57
    UKIP or bust says:

    Yeth, and here’th a nithe bag of oats. Woa, back, theady on there girl juth let me get the bag over your head, there now, out in the paddock you go.

  58. 58
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Get this – and there are only 650 of the deluded, lying, selfserving, gutless, thieving, duplicitous, amoral, craven to the city and lobbying moneymen of them

    Bring on the peaceful revolution – and their hanging from lamp posts.

  59. 59
    Silent Majority says:

    It’s good, isn’t it!

    Imagine if this caught on, we could have a decent economy that allows all to prosper.

  60. 60
    Chip Monk says:

    Forests don’t grow on trees you know.

  61. 61
    Wayne says:

    She sounds about as feminine as Mr T.

  62. 62
    99% of the population agree says:

    I have made you an appointment at Specsavers mate.
    She’s the gene makeup of a warthog, except not as pretty.

  63. 63
    The very, very listenable too dozy cow that I is says:

    I gotta cross, so I’zzz a Christian inn I?

  64. 64

    Compared to the Eagle sisters and Fatbott. In this and most other things Labour have set a very low bar which most fail to jump.

  65. 65
    Myfanwy says:

    “Ms Reeves makes IDS look normal.” Wow Geedes that really takes some doing, IDS normal, by taking that wording, it would appear that even you have your doubts about him, isn’t he the guy who could not remember quite a lot of his educational past?

  66. 66
    Myfanwy says:

    Have they ever really been very high?

  67. 67

    There’s the small matter of Labour’s NHS, the Envy Of The World, using foetuses as firewood to deal with before the election, together with the reports on abuse and the untimely death of patients which will be dribbling out all the way to May 15. Folk need constantly reminding just how utterly repulsive Socialists are.

  68. 68

    It’s impossible to be a Marxist and a Christian. At one time, Methodists and other low churchmen were the backbone of Labour and did some fine work in support of the underprivileged . These people believed in raising up rather than levelling down, and were hot for good housing, good education and good medicine for the poor. No wonder the Marxists drove them out of the Labour Party. Methodist Labour would never have allowed Shirley Williams to destroy the school system that they had wrought.

  69. 69
    deanforester says:

    I remember him jumpin in the back of a police van to get away from consytituents

    also remember him, when asked by woman who didn’t have a computer, said he would post messages on his website – harper man without shame and ears

  70. 70
    Looon Watch says:

  71. 71
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    What is the advantage to the UK in pissing off the Russians ? Ukraine administration needs to be legitimized by election to remove any justification for Russia to make further action.

  72. 72
    Man On Clapham Omnibus says:

    She has a voice that no-one WANTS to listen to – it is grindingly, boringly, excruciatingly enunciated in a way that makes one want to slit one’s wrists!

    The good news is that Milliband, Harperson, Balls-up and Reeves make Labour almost unelectable – so please, don’t change them!!!

  73. 73
    Yvette says:

    Want to see my mincer?

  74. 74
    Big Momma says:

    I see you are on telly tonight Reverend Flowers but only after being primed by the BBC so you can blame ALL your misdeeds on the current government.
    So the BBC now have a policy to put criminals on TV to make their brownie points for Liebor.

  75. 75
    You Know Who in the last government says:

    I’ll raise you the 1200 people I killed at Stafford – Only a few hundred despots can beat that.

  76. 76
    Jim says:

    Naa, they would soon find a new benefit to pay out. It is too good a gravy train for everyone involved, except the taxpayer.
    Just think if they stopped paying cash but supplied goods instead. Instead of ten ponds at Christmas a Christmas party the week before? Cheaper and more fun. Real food to eat every week and close the food banks that are robbed every day.

  77. 77
    hold on says:

    Has Flowers been arrested yet?

  78. 78
    But says:

    She sounds like Bernie Winters.

  79. 79
    Aren't you forgetting.. says:

    But the British public still trust him more
    than Miliband.

  80. 80
    Jim says:

    Little of that was reported by the BBC. Even today they only report the Tory debt without any explanation as to why the money is being spent. People remember what they want to remember with such a failed Media in the UK. Only the other day they were saying youth unemployment was only because of Tory policies since 2010.

  81. 81
    Village Idiot says:

    …Obviously, would “fuck a frog”,…if you could stop it hopping!!

  82. 82
    Pugsley Adams says:

    She reminds me of my mother.

  83. 83
    carlo gambino says:

    Leave a Comment


  84. 84
    Do Labour women wash? says:

    Pollocktics is showbusiness for fuglies

  85. 85
    I don't like it when they move says:

    It would be similar to necrophilia.

  86. 86
    I don't like it when they move says:

    Presumably she is long time deceased and then exhumed

  87. 87
    Commas are important says:

    Who is her mate?

  88. 88
    Alan (would say) says:

    ankles not as nice

  89. 89
    Ed Tittibang says:

    Mastur Bation Wanking.

  90. 90
    HBOS auditor says:

    yes 2007 £40k + 2008 £45k total £80k

  91. 91
    Ed Tittibang says:

    Mastur Bation Wanking.

  92. 92
    Spiv says:

    don’t look at the mantle piece when poking the fire

  93. 93
    newsgoodnight says:

    boring snoring

  94. 94
    Vote ukip get no referendum ever says:

    Probably a 4 or 5 pint’er

  95. 95
    Old Codger says:

    And looks like Schnorbitz

  96. 96
    Old Codger says:

    Plus the civil service and the rest of the public sector.

  97. 97
    Puncture Asian says:

    My other van is a semicolon.

  98. 98
    Thyme Bombe says:

    .. and you forgot to ask her what time she is supposed to start work.

  99. 99
    Expat escapee says:

    Just got back in from taking the wife to a local private hospital. Excellent service, place was spotless, nobody on a trolley anywhere in sight, appointment kept on time, polite, friendly docs and nurses who know their job.

    I won’t tell you how much I paid as you will all go quite spare – but I still had enough change left to refill the Merc on the way home.

  100. 100
    Milibog Cleaner says:

    Stupid bloody woman! I told you not to mention our 11% pay rise. Now you’ve been and gone and done it!

  101. 101
    John Wesley Snipes says:

    Their was clearly a method(odist) in their* madness.

    * = Marxist loonies

  102. 102
    trawlerman says:

    More like whitebait, mate.

  103. 103
    English is she is spoke in Sarfend says:

    I’ is pronahnced Lu’on Airpor’

  104. 104
    You creign if u want to says:

    Better if the Ukraine is returned in full to Russia – to stop the lunacy emanating from Brussels if nothing else. Plus do you imaging hooded paid Russian thugs will permit peaceful and honest elections in the rest of the country. Are you suffering from braincell rot?

  105. 105
    Goodnight Vienna says:

    Oh, ok then.

  106. 106
    James Augustine Aloysius Joyce says:

    Unhand my gag, you toerag!

    (see Mr. Purefoy, Ulysses)

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Reeves is as thick as a bog door- and not as attractive.

  108. 108
    Anonymous says:

    Yep. That hag Vicki Pryce was on the other night doing what her sort do best- shafting the taxpayers.

  109. 109
    You know its the truth says:

    Is she into PIE

  110. 110
    Mrs B says:

    I loik blak koks and I cannot lie

  111. 111
    Vinny says:

    I’ve never subscribed to the any-hole’s-a-goal philosophy – I have more respect for my honourable member.

  112. 112
    Is that a gap in the market or are you pleased to see me? says:

    How do you clean an immigrant?

  113. 113
    He's just not right says:

    Miliband looks more like a serial killer.

    A poisoner, probably. Someone who likes to draw the suffering out, by giving small doses. And dressing up in women’s clothing.

  114. 114
    Rev Flours says:

    Labour are more likely to get gear in their arse.

  115. 115
    Probably the greatest hangover in the world says:

    of Special Brew

  116. 116
    Rev Flours says:

    Methadone in their madness

  117. 117
    Rev Flours says:

    He was lucky it was not a muslim festival – it would have been acid

  118. 118
    Anonymous says:

    “Mark Harper named “the very well-known website, Guido Fawkes”
    as the last known preserve of free speech? Where those few independent thinkers left in the wild can still point out that, if democracy equates to plebiscites. How can one have (or even claim) the presence of a democracy sans plebiscites?

  119. 119
    RightwinggitRedux says:

    “no Hotlinking please”

    Sort your lives out!

  120. 120
    Dave says:

    fuck her then kick her fuckin head in.

Seen Elsewhere

Mirror Hacking: 50 Legal Action Claims | Press Gazette
Mandy’s £400,000 Tax-Free Loan From Own Company | Guardian
Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
The New Puritans | Alex Wickham
British Minister in Watch Gaffe | Straits Times
New Tory, New Danger | Laura Perrins
UKIP Could Work With Dave If Price is Right | Douglas Carswell
Cops Catch Crims With B.O. Test | Techno Guido
Bashir’s “False Account” to His Own Lawyers | Times
Injustice of Tax Avoidance Hysteria | City AM

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