March 24th, 2014

Chris Bryant’s Horse Anus Treatment

These days our crooked MPs are either promoted to the Cabinet or serve half of their paltry sentences. Back in the day the punishments were a little more fitting for the crimes. According to Chris Bryant’s new book Parliament: The Biography, Giles Mompesson the MP for Great Bedwyn ‘was fined, expelled from parliament and told to parade up the Strand “with his face in a horse’s anus” for extortionately abusing his royal monopoly for the licensing of inns and manufacture of gold thread in 1621.’

Guido would settle on just bringing back the stocks.


42 Comments

  1. 1
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Nay, nay, nay.

    Like

    • 6
      jgm2 says:

      Funny as it is, the punishment makes no sense at all. No (live) horse in the world is going to walk anywhere with a person’s head wedged under their tail. They’d be kicked to death.

      Unless they simply cut the arse off a dead horse and tied it to his head with a couple of eye-holes cut out I simply don’t see how this would work.

      Like

    • 39
      Pitkapoika says:

      Totally misread that. Thought it said Bryant had a disease called Horse’s Anus for which he was having treatment ??

      Like

  2. 2
    Sue Myarseoff says:

    Leon Brittan would be up for that if you replaced the horse with a 9 year old boy.

    Like

  3. 3
    Come back Guy Fawks says:

    There are a fair few mps already up a few anuses. It seems they think it’s a perk of the job.

    Like

  4. 4
    A Droyd says:

    Isn’t the horse’s anus somewhat large for Chris Bryant?

    Like

  5. 5
    Mark Oaten says:

    They had better punishments then *cries*

    Like

  6. 8
    cwmbear says:

    Thrice nay?

    Like

  7. 9
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Mind you, in those days I bet the Strand smelled no better than a horse’s arse, so what kind of punishment was that?

    Like

  8. 10
    moon says:

    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    March 24, 2014 at 11:43 am
    And so Pantomime was invented.

    brilliant

    Like

  9. 11
    Mark Oaten says:

    ME ME ME.

    Like

  10. 12
    mary Whitehouse says:

    Bryant’s likely been horsed up the anus a few times. Filthy git.

    Like

  11. 13
    ministry of truth says:

    NO.I DEFINITELY LIKE THE HORSES ANUS THING

    Like

  12. 14
    Everhard Lord Smith's very private secretary says:

    You wouldn’t want to be in the stocks with Nigel Evans or the entire Libdem party around.

    Like

  13. 15
    ss says:

    Bryant is a horses Ass.

    Like

  14. 16
    Stephen Lawrence Industries says:

    We’ve just got a fashion modeling contract with M&S.

    Like

  15. 17
    Anonymous says:

    Jack Dromey says: ” yes please (Big Black Horses only)”

    Like

  16. 18
    Andrew says:

    No RSPCA to complain in those days!

    Like

  17. 20
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Most of our MPs including underpants man already have their heads wedged firmly up their arses.

    Like

  18. 21
    Floyd Pink says:

    A similar sentence should be handed down to drink drivers.

    Like

  19. 22
    Podiceps says:

    A common medieval punishment for fraud was to be dragged through the streets tied to a door decorated with whatever you had defrauded people with — a baker who sold short weight would have loaves tied to his door. It was a sort of mobile stocks that allowed everyone to have a good throw of whatever came to hand. For MPs today, a simple pig trough dragged behind a lorry would be fine. Followed by a camera car, of course, with a live video link to the internet.

    Like

  20. 24
    Anonymous says:

    Hard to spot he difference between a horses’s arse and a politician really.

    Like

  21. 28
    John Bellingham says:

    Chris Bryant writing a book about misbehaving MPs seems somehow like Frankie Boyle writing about other comedians foul language.

    Like

  22. 30
    Andrew says:

    Of course if we bring back the stocks we will have to sell the concession for selling rotten fruit and brickbats and dead cats, and it will have to be put up for tender in the OJ – we will probably get more pungent felines from the Romanians who bid highest!

    Like

  23. 32
    El Sid says:

    Surely not as bad as MPs eating kangaroo anus on I’m a Celebrity?

    Like

  24. 35

    Having to wear a dead horses anus and rectum as a hat would be the perfect punishment for our errant and corrupt MP’s. It would be a zero waste punishment as the rest of the horse could go to Tesco for use in burgers.

    Like

    • 36
      Mr Helpful says:

      Or we could always use a donkey’s equivalent parts and thus, be able to call someone literally an “asshat.”

      Like

  25. 37

    I can think of quite a few politicos in both local and national politics who wearing the Asshat would be highly appropriate. There’s not enough humiliation in punishments these days, especially in those given to politicos.

    Like

  26. 38
    Justin Poofyboots says:

    Slimey! Chrispee Brownspant Bryant talks out his anus!

    Like

  27. 42


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Lord Glasman tells it like it is:

“The first thing is to acknowledge that Labour has been captured by a kind of aggressive public sector morality which is concerned with the individual and the collective but doesn’t understand relationships.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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