March 21st, 2014

Osborne Delivers Rapid Growth

Ephraim Hardcastle reckon the Chancellor has been reduced to extraordinary measures to hide his bald spot, reporting this morning that Osborne is now using hair loss treatments on a daily basis. The brown shoots of a recovery are beginning to show though it is clear George must not waver from his long term plan:

1p off the price of Alpecin at the next budget?


103 Comments

  1. 1
    Waste of time says:

    The barrel scrap

    Like

    • 4
      Tom says:

      Longer damp hair appears thinner – massive none story scenes.
      Along side which it’s a shame to GF now relegated to reporting on ‘dead trees’ stories.
      Must try harder…

      Like

    • 5
      was it something I said? says:

      It looks like the Mr Whippy technique to me.

      Like

    • 64

      Bollocks to Georgie Porgie’s hair, the real news is about the Yanks dumping the wreckage of the Malay plane off of Aussie land. Does make you wonder what they done with the innocent bodies now they have all the tech nerds off of the plane that they wanted tied up.

      Like

      • 75
        Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, Green Nazis & other Wasters says:

        The Labour Party, wasting your money so you don’t have to.

        Like

  2. 2
    Myfanwy says:

    It’s now another case of keeping friends close to you but keep your enemy a damn sight closer http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/mar/21/david-cameron-i-want-boris-johnson-back , was the Gove spat a false lead Dawkes or is Dave back in porkie pie land

    Like

    • 57
      taxdodger says:

      Ow pal you’ve already been outed as a closet lefty just like your alter ego Psyche the Dog.

      Stop touting the Graudian shite on these shores, if you please.

      Like

      • 91
        I dislike socialists intensely says:

        Plus 1 million.

        Like

      • 102
        Myfanwy says:

        Look sweet pee, if everyone glanced at the same newspaper, everyone would miss a valid article in the unread ones, might be an idea for you to have you blood sugar checked and your PSA checked especially if you are 40 years and onwards, could already be too late.

        Like

  3. 3
    Witty Moniker says:

    It’s the grey he’s dealing with, not the bald.

    Like

  4. 6
    Duncan Goodhew says:

    What’s wrong with being bald?

    Like

  5. 7
    Where are Tony Blair's Expenses says:

    The eulogies continue for Tony Benn; conviction politician blah blah blah .. He was able to say and do what he did as he was able to go back to his 3 storey mansion in Holland Park every night and close the door on the working classes.

    Letting him rest over night in the HoC Chapel is just ridiculous, this man did nothing, absolutely nothing for the working man or women.

    Can any left wing mong educate me and point out any significant piece of legislation he sponsored through parliament.

    Never has so much newsprint, air time and web space been wasted on such a political incompetent

    Like

  6. 8
    Ed Miliband says:

    He’s brushed his hair for nearly an hour

    Like

  7. 9
    Myfanwy says:

    ” The brown shoots of a recovery are beginning to show though” vain glorious, it might be that false tanning cream that folks used to paint on themselves to show it didn’t rain where they went on holiday. Sooner or later through age most men develope hair loss it’s that testosterone thing

    Like

    • 54
      Gordon McDoom says:

      ‘The Brown shoots of a recovery are beginning to show though’

      See I told you I’d be back, vindicated and ready to save the world once again. I am the great clunking fist ready to defeat boom and bust once more.

      Like

      • 77
        Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, Green Nazis & other Wasters says:

        The Labour Party, wasting your money so you don’t have to.

        Like

      • 103
        Anonymous says:

        At least Gordon never authorised HMRC to raid taxpayers’ bank accounts without a court order.

        Like

  8. 10
    Myfanwy says:

    What’s this service unavailable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  9. 11
    Ed Miliband says:

    Nod your head if you are losing hair.

    Like

  10. 13
    Tastebud Tony says:

    It looks like a cover-up to me! Has he been talking to Rooney?

    Like

  11. 14
    Ed Miliband says:

    He brushes with one hand and combs it more with the other

    Like

  12. 15
    Ed Miliband says:

    It’s a haircut for millionaires

    Like

  13. 16
    Ed Miliband says:

    Our economy is going the way of Grecian 2000

    Like

    • 22
      Myfanwy says:

      Strange Teddy, but years ago in the area where was a guy who had a good head of white hair, someone must have persuaded him to use Grecian 2000 and his hair was carrot coloured. If you loose hair, go white haired you cannot turn the clock back, just accept it.

      Like

      • 62
        Always look on the bright side says:

        My hair started going white at the temples in my early twenties. As a very young lawyer, I found it very useful for people to think I was older and mroe experienced than I really was. Interestingly, many decades later, I have no problem at all with baldness.

        Like

  14. 17
    MB. says:

    I see Putin is calling for sanctions to be placed on Russian oligarchs, I wonder if The Independent will be affected?

    Like

    • 21
      Skeleton Bob says:

      How long before the EU annexes Ukraine?

      Like

    • 56
      Spoonface Cameron says:

      As I said this morning

      The EU must impose travel bans and asser freezes

      Except of course for pillaging oligarchs in Laundry London

      How could we survive without their hundreds of billions of illegal money?

      Like

  15. 18
    Big deficits and cover-ups = recipe for disaster says:

    Q: What’s the difference between George Osborne and Gordon Brown?
    A: A matter of time

    Like

    • 20
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

      Ah but whereas Brown raided private pensions with stealth taxes, Osborne is allowing pensioners to raid their own pension pots which will provide a spending boom and a nice little earner for the treasury with all that VAT on spending and the tax levied on drawdown.

      Like

      • 24
        Skeleton Bob says:

        And when that has all been blown the same pensioners will be claiming extra benefits from the state? But that will be after the hair today gone tomorrow Osborne has left the Treasury.

        Like

        • 31
          was it something I said? says:

          Labour should be delighted by this in that case. More state dependent voters to be bought with more magic money.

          Like

      • 30
        Anonymous says:

        +13 million

        Like

      • 43
        SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        ALLOWING pensioners to raid their own pensions !!! JUST WHO’S MONEY IS IT.if they want to put the lot on an outsider in the grand national it’s nobody else’s business !

        Like

        • 60
          Firm But Fair says:

          I agree.

          Just so long as they don’t ask for a penny in social security if they blow the lot because the taxpayer should not provide horse racing insurance.

          Like

      • 59
        Fishy says:

        While Brown raided our pensions and stole £100bn, it was Balls who was the architect of the plunder.

        Meanwhile labour are all at sea, not knowing how to respond the liberation of pensions (expect the BBC not to probe Labour’s little difficulty anytime soon).

        Like

      • 89
        Alby says:

        Dave & Osborne have continued to steal from pensions using the same instruments Brown created.

        No difference.

        Like

  16. 23
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    He’s been cutting too far too fast, hence the bald spot :-)

    Like

  17. 25
    was it something I said? says:

    It’s a cost of combing crisis.

    Like

  18. 32
    Kay Burley says:

    Fucking Hell !

    Like

  19. 37
    Ippikin says:

    Good for him!
    Why shouldn’t he aspire to the title currently held by George Galloway?

    Like

  20. 38
    Mad Frankie Maude says:

    One of the Prime Minister’s finest tweets: “I’d like two litres of white lightning and a scratch card. Yes, I’m just like you.”

    Like

  21. 40
    Ali Barber says:

    Murdoch palm sweat seems to work on him and Hunt.

    Like

  22. 45
    Bald spot watchers united says:

    Has it come down to no decent news today G and all you could get up to is bald spot watching

    Like

    • 63
      UN Observer says:

      The neocons do not want to speak about the trashing being carried out by the neo nazi Swoboda Party in Ukraine….diversions are good..

      Radio silence is the order of the day for wannabe neocons like Guido

      Just as there must be radio silence about 2500 further illegal houses in Ysraeli occupied Palestine

      No sanctions there, of course..just pure hypocrisy and ethnic cleansing and illegality

      Like

  23. 46
    Reality Cheque says:

    Keen acumen on the pension access though few will benefit(usual Web of rowing back) and just how do you have an income of £12k without work or the state pension, Crosby is clearly pulling the strings now rather than the fucked Etonians, Boris no longer any asset and a negative outside the SE.

    Tory majority just visible probably with Limps again as the taste of power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

    Wouldn’t you agree Vlad?

    Like

    • 65
      Everyone in Chingford says:

      Boris never was an asset. He told lies to the public about things they could demonstrably see weren’t true.

      Like

    • 71
      Pavlov's pooch says:

      I would think that if any LibDum perverts actually survive the next election their natural alliance would be with the Liebour kiddie fiddling party. As a party of protest against the mainstream they are utterly dead.

      Like

  24. 51
    Chukka Umunna says:

    Well Jel

    Like

  25. 55
    Lost in Clacton says:

    Can you get the ointment on the NHS ?

    Like

    • 66
      Our Brave Nurses and Doctors Blah Blah Blah says:

      Sure. If you are willing to wait till your hair drops out entirely first.

      Like

      • 87
        was it something I said? says:

        Similar to their fertility policy.

        Put you on a waiting list until you’ve gone through the menopause and then give you an appointment.

        Like

  26. 67
    FarmerGiles says:

    Tis Von Cleggs sperm that maketh all fings florish

    Like

  27. 70
    UN Observer says:

    EU measures agreed against tax evasion today…

    Except, of course, for Cayman Islands, Channel Islands, Virgin Islands and Gibraltar – British dependencies

    What would Laundry London’s banks and bent lawyers do without the hundreds of billions they launder and hide for the world’s criminals?

    Like

  28. 73
    kay burleyhuman says:

    well, i’m still here in Kwalla Lumpah and I still can’t find the plane

    Like

    • 79
      UN Observer says:

      Oh Kay

      Do give us a break

      That hang dong face is just too much

      I suggest you go to Kiev and report on the thuggrry of the neo nazis the US have put into power

      That would be real news

      Or perhaps report on the atrocities of the jihadis in Syria supported by the criminal US and UK

      Like

  29. 78
    Bingo Little says:

    Bingo! Cutting the bingo tax and beer duty to help hard-working people do more of the things they enjoy.

    Am I the only one who cannot see anything wrong with the use of the word “they”?

    Like

    • 82
      You know its the truth says:

      No, who would have thunk it, do you think we are different (inferior) to them surely not!.

      Like

  30. 81
    Eric"The Cheeky Chappie" Pickles says:

    When I got up this morning, it was a gruesome 17℃. Fortunately, it’s now a much more acceptable 25℃. Rejoice, comrades! Rejoice!

    Like

  31. 85
    Skeleton Bob says:

    Poor Guido is finding it as hard to find Osborne’s B-spot as the seekers are of finding the Malaysian plane in the Indian Ocean.

    Like

  32. 86
    Nemesis says:

    No matter how thick or thin his hair it’s only covering a rather thick skull with little inside.

    Like

  33. 94

    Thanks for that, but when I asked to see the back of him it’s not quite what I meant.

    Like

  34. 97
    Anonymous says:

    HE’S DEFINATELY USING NANOGEN HAIR FIBRES.

    GOOGLE IT.

    Like

  35. 98
    Gary says:

    Another “hair” brained scheme to baldly go where no Chancellor has ever gone before? If he gets it wrong there’ll be hell toupee!

    Like

  36. 99
    bassreflex says:

    from a distance rabbits look like hare’s

    Like

  37. 100
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    Were the offending head to be removed, I should imagine the effect upon the economy would be negligible. Call the headsman!

    Like


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