March 21st, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Behind the News Edition)


  1. 1
    Sniper says:

    Vigil for Kay.

  2. 2
    Belasarius T says:

    And they’re under starters orders, here at the Dimbleby Memorial Steeplechase…

  3. 3
    Sarcan Kebab III says:

    Nick Robinson recharged his batteries

  4. 4
    Dirk Diggler says:

    Quick , set the detonator cord !

  5. 5
    Fed Up Botted says:

    a balanced presentation

  6. 6
    was it something I said? says:

    I, for one, welcome our new EU overlords.

  7. 7
    Fed Up Botted says:

    see no evil

    feel no evil


  8. 8
    Owen Jones says:

    Adam Boulton looks pissed again

  9. 9
    Fed Up Botted says:

    On TV last night saw a skeleton of a man in a cheap banker’s suit; a smug frog faced man and a benign old Nanny. Apparently those people represent europe.

  10. 10
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Nick Robinson “And I’m just hearing news of a Malaysian airliner that seems to have gone missing..”

  11. 11
    two pints of lager says:

    At least he doesn’t need ID to buy booze.

  12. 12
    Nick Robinson's plate of chips says:

    Rare evidence of Nick Robinson being plugged in around Westminster

  13. 13
    The Green Mile says:

    Any last requests Mr Robinson?

  14. 14
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    The guy on the right is doing a Napoleon impression.

    Where’s me shirt!

  15. 15
    Firing Squad Leader says:


  16. 16
    Bosun Higgs says:

    This Spring – come to HACKWORLD – the animatronic fun park that puts YOU in the news!

  17. 17
    Simon Cowell says:

    A fucking car crash of a dance troupe.

  18. 18
    Belasarius T says:

    You have all been convicted of crimes against truth. Do you have anything to say before judgment is passed upon you…

    …very well. troop, take aim…

  19. 19
    was it something I said? says:

    For Comic Relief Nick Robinson set a world record for the longest catheter.

  20. 20
    cable guy says:

    Labour party HQ feed Robinson his lines.

  21. 21
    iRobot says:

    Spot the stepford reporter.

  22. 22
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The authorities have confirmed that a Scotsman broke into the Prime Minister’s residence, in the early hours of this morning, shat on his bed, laughed like a maniac and fled.

  23. 23
    was it something I said? says:

    Surely ‘The BBC has learned that a Malaysian airliner is missing …’

  24. 24
    Presstitute MSM says:

    Three low-life MSM whores prostitute themselves in a well know street.

  25. 25
    Any barn dance? says:

    Political correspondents still waiting for Milliband’s reply to the budget.

  26. 26
    Stephanie Flanders says:

    Eeny, meeny, miny….. moe.

  27. 27
    Karly Pilkoids says:

    After stealing their stories Nick Robinson can find no hack willing to try out his new skipping rope.

  28. 28
    lateral thinking says:

    That’s not taking piss out – it’s pumping shit in.

  29. 29
    Táxpáyér says:

    It’s not just LibLabCon that’s 3 brands on a single dodgy product.

  30. 30
    Rebekah says:

    Look at that goon Boulton, Can’t even get into his own phone.

  31. 31
    Scrumpy says:

    The Matrix: Wired to the Moon edition (powered by recycled news and other guff)

  32. 32
    Faisal Islam says:

    They are all cattle.

  33. 33
    Jimmy says:

    The former Conservative cabinet minister Tebbit has suggested that people who visit food banks are at the time spending their money on junk food.

    Earlier, Tebbit called for David Cameron to be replaced as Tory leader by the next election.

    There’s your solution.

    People should eat David Cameron..and then food banks are no longer necessary..

  34. 34
    Clint McClintlock says:

    Nick Robinson signs up for electro-therapy to cure his C.M.D.

  35. 35
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Hey Macarena!

  36. 36
    Liar.Politicians says:

    The Three MSM Stooges.

  37. 37
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Madame Tussauds unveil their latest display.

  38. 38
    was it something I said? says:

  39. 39
    Capitaine Louis Renault says:

    Round up the usual suspects.

  40. 40
    Firing Squad Leader says:

    The real Jimmy would do better than that, with fewer words.

  41. 41
    Django of Naples says:

    Nick Robinson’s cock finally exposed and shown to be a string of spaghetti!

  42. 42
    Vlad the G(r)8 says:

    Fiscal Islam.

  43. 43
    Firing Squad Leader says:

    Mr Blobby; Joe 90; JFK ?

  44. 44
    Garfield says:

    I think that is the longest catheter in history.

  45. 45
    Phil Westlake says:

    Nick Robinson slips a hand in his pocket to give his balls a good squeeze in preparation for the BBC Bee Gees tribute act.

  46. 46
    N Dorphins says:

    Nurse for Norman Tebbit! Nurse for Norman Tebbit

  47. 47
    Nigel Evans says:

    I’m happy to squeeze ‘em.

  48. 48
    was it something I said? says:


    Is it half term or something?

  49. 49
    Any barn dance? says:

    Tebbitt is wrong. They are spending their money on booze, fags and smartphones. Innit?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    Input cable must be in the left pocket

  51. 51
    Larry The Cable Guy says:

    I don’t care who y’are, that’s funny, right there…git ‘r done!
    (Well, they all ARE gits, right? Especially the “Voyager Doctor”!)

  52. 52
    Norman Tebbit says:

    You do not pass the cricket test.

  53. 53
    Sir William Wayde says:

    Topman reveal their summer collection of suits

  54. 54
    Peter Grimes says:

    On the left is the incumbent SKY political editor. On his left are two has-been also-rans for the job he is about to vacate.

  55. 55
    Max Clifford says:

    I couldn’t possibly comment.

  56. 56
    Braveheart says:

    Nick Robinson tests out prototype microphone for those who talk out of their arses. Advanced orders already in from Cameron, Clegg, May, Vague, Millipede, Testicles, Salmond…

  57. 57
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    It’s the Auton invasion.

  58. 58
    BBC cost cutting says:

    These new “real life” splitting Image mannequins work a treat, everytime. Type the script, and hey presto, you get real exclusive live from the scene, BBC news at its best.

  59. 59
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Tebbit may have a point: they all seem to be extraordinarily fat. A visit to a food bank is the last thing they need.

    There’s an Obesity Crisis in Britain and in response lefties create food banks.

    It’s enough to make a cat laugh.

  60. 60
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Don’t blink!

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:


  62. 62
    Minority Report says:


  63. 63
    Gay Dave says:

    Right Adam you can be the construction worker, Nick you be the leather clad moustache dude, and you wotsisname you can be the US cop. Cleggie will be the Red Indian.

  64. 64
    Life of P I E says:

    3 Labour ‘meeeja’ stooges lining up to give H@riett H@rman a good roasting…..

  65. 65
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    And on Sky News…. we bring you clear evidence that Cable is in Robinson’s pocket.

  66. 66
    was it something I said? says:

    Which one is Brick?

  67. 67
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Fuck me, Boyzone haven’t aged well.

  68. 68
  69. 69
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Lord Tebbit is very, very rarely wrong.

  70. 70
    Cheez says:

    Robinson thought he’d help himself to a BBC microphone but forgot it wasn’t a wireless model.

  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    And the following people have been charged………

  72. 72
    Im Voting UKIP says:

    Only one of these Hunts is wired up to the explosive !


  73. 73
    was it something I said? says:

    Very good.

  74. 74
    Dom Ed says:

    BBC a learning organization? Surely shome mishtake.

  75. 75
    was it something I said? says:

    Kay Burley was there too but she was run over by that car.

  76. 76
    American Vaudeville & Slapstick says:

    The Three Labour Stooges?

  77. 77
    nell says:


  78. 78
    Nick Robber-son says:

    “The BBC has learned that the Prime Minister works inside the building behind me”

  79. 79
    Namby Pamby says:

    No wifi or skyfi
    Not retired just hardwired

  80. 80
    Peter Grimes says:

    Don’t be daft, there is no apparent damage to the car and it wouldn’t have lasted a minute against Battlin’ Burley!

  81. 81
    P Diddy says:

    Nick Robinson with extra long catheter.

  82. 82
    All New News says:

    Nick Robinson wasn’t sure whether George Osborne said he was Sport Relief or support relief skipping

  83. 83
    Mitch says:


  84. 84
    All the threes says:

    Bingo callers audition outside number 11 Downing Street.

  85. 85
    DAVE one term flop CAMERON says:

    Hey Robbo ! Dont forget your porn video

  86. 86
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Liverpudlian Girl off camera says

    ” my question to contestant number one is “I have 100 pairs of shoes..if you were a shoe, what type of shoe would you be”

  87. 87
    Mr Dromey says:

    Adam Boulton “Unite clearly recognises the need to have someone with gravitas and credibility speaking on their behalf so they have turned to Owen Jones”

  88. 88
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Old lady says

    That’s him officer. The middle one..ohhh those dead eyes! I’ll never forget them..

  89. 89
    Boulton and Co says:

    Adam Boulton overseeing his replacement auditions.

  90. 90
    Pavlov's pooch says:

    Hopefully plugged into the 32 amp circuit

  91. 91
    Flatcap Army says:

    “Text No Evil, Toss No Evil, Tango No Evil”

  92. 92
    The Colonel says:

    “Text No Evil, Toss No Evil, Tango No Evil”

  93. 93
    Theatre goer says:

    Worst fucking musical I’ve ever been to…. and I’ve seen Starlight express

  94. 94
    Adam Boulton says:

    Brothel Creeper

  95. 95
    Pavlov's pooch says:

    Precogs???? Nick Robinson is the very opposite – he sees what has been reported before.

  96. 96
    Flange says:

    Podium for The World’s Strangest Left Arm Championship.

  97. 97
    The Village Idiot says:

    “Hear Nothing, See Nothing & Say Nothing”

    aka the “Three Wan*kers of the MSM”

  98. 98
    From the Urals says:

    Three wise men – or three brass monkeys ??

    A room in the gulag has been reserved…

  99. 99
    someone speak to him says:

    Its the way that he wanks. Instead forming a ring around his shaft he rubs his shaft between both hands, like lighting a camp fire by twirrling a stick very fast.

  100. 100
    Geoffrey Johns says:

    LIFT OFF!!!

  101. 101
    Grammar School Boy says:

    Is that Sgt Bilko in the middle?

  102. 102
    Whiffler says:

    Pip, Squeak, & Wilfred rehearse for new show.

  103. 103
    Recycling says:

    He gave it in 2011

  104. 104
    Schards says:

    Nick Robinson: The skip they do’s the double-dutch, that’s them dancing

  105. 105
    Sizzla says:

    Soft soap on a rope

  106. 106
    The Village Idiot says:

    “Three Apostles from the ConsLieLaborLebDims Sat*anic Alliance”
    propagating via MSM the Mend*acity & Mani*pulation deceptions as
    instructed by there real political master pupeteers.

  107. 107
    Tony Blair says:

    Nick “Have you heard the one about Adam Boulton and Anji Hunter?”

  108. 108
    Viewing Public says:

    We suspected they all sang from the same song sheet and now here’s the proof.

  109. 109
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Well you voted for them. Didn’t you?

  110. 110
    Julian Gibb says:

    Bill Quango MP – Clever!

  111. 111
    geordieboy says:

    Please can we have blindfolds and a last cigarette.

  112. 112
    Julian Gibb says:

    In my top three!

  113. 113

    Go on piss in my pocket!

  114. 114
    Julian Gibb says:

    He prefers North British.

  115. 115
    Gerbil 7 says:

    “He is a shifty type and no mistake Madam, show me on this earlier news report what part he lifted and declared an exclusive”.

  116. 116
    Angel Gabriel says:

    Ok that’s the three wise men sorted,where’s the virgin?

  117. 117
    Anonymong says:

    We’re all in it together… to give you the news, as we’re told to.

  118. 118

    Bow down to Faisal Islam unless if you work for Al (tickbox) Beeeb!

  119. 119
    Gerbil 7 says:

    As punishment for not being impartial, the offenders line up during a demonstration of Boris Johnson’s new water cannon.

  120. 120
    Ha'rry C'ole says:


  121. 121
    Anonymong says:

    Blimey Nick, I thought you were off the Charlie.
    I haven’t seen a line that long since Piers pissed off to America.

  122. 122
    Myfanwy says:

    NR: come on you guys I’ve got my skipping rope rigged up

  123. 123
    Julian Gibb says:

    Cannabilism – solves overcrowded prisons and foodbanks in one go.

  124. 124
    Anonymong says:

    Windowslickers Sunshine Coach day out to the library.

  125. 125
    Toenails and the chumps says:

    We would just like to do a little song written by Gordon Brown.

    “There’s no business Like no business because there’s no business I know”

  126. 126
    the mystic mould with the appearance of the face of Jesus says:

    The old MKII robots still had to be operated by wire

  127. 127
    Julian Gibb says:

    quality comment. so clever.

  128. 128
    Julian Gibb says:


  129. 129
    Banned says:

    Robinson: I even let Labour Party HQ attach long electrodes to my testicles so they can control me better.

  130. 130
    Tony Blair is a war criminal says:

    So that’s how Gordon Brown got his demands to old Nick!

  131. 131
    Gerbil 7 says:

    BBC staff attached a rope to Mr. Robinson fearing that they may not be able to rescue him following the trimming of his toenails.

  132. 132
    A Chinaman says:

    Dave has just insulted the Ruskies.

    Just wait until two warships appear off the North Sea coast facing Sunderland.

    Not the brightest lightbulb in the room is our Dave.

  133. 133
    The Critic says:

    Nick Robinso robot is launched. Initila consumer reaction is poor ‘I would rather watch my own feet’

  134. 134
    Len McFuck says:

    Does anyone have a spare Robinson charger?

  135. 135
    Anonymong says:

    You’re either in front of the camera, or behind.

    p.s., I’ll have the can of 7-up on Saturday.

  136. 136
    Anonymong says:

    No, thats his cunning stunt double.

    Phil Silvers is hiding in the Jag.

  137. 137
    The Three Stooges! says:

    Are you sitting children? It is time for Jackanory!

  138. 138
    Strewth McCrikey! says:

    The Three Tenors have let themselves go a bit!

  139. 139
    Chris Smith says:

    Ooh you are awful!

  140. 140
    broderick crawford says:

    Robinson: Well there s me and Boulton . And a dude who looks like Carney but seems to have lost his left hand .

  141. 141
    broderick crawford says:

    Robinson : It s my late evening wank cable . Let s me masturbate without tiring my pocketed hand whilst live to camera.

  142. 142
    Corridor of Uncertainty says:

    Nick Robinson takes the party line again

  143. 143
    Tony Blair says:

    Give us a clue. Was he one eyed, deluded, tax dodging, manic depressive, paranoid and was his first name Gordon?

  144. 144
    broderick crawford says:

    This must be the mature version of the Meat Rack .

  145. 145
    Fishy says:

    I knew I’d find a use for those jump leads

  146. 146
    Village Idiot says:

    …”Downing Street Line Dancing Dickheads,awaiting their musical cue!

  147. 147
    Fishy says:

    or….’Labours says a Malaysian airline has gone missing’.

  148. 148
    Fishy says:

    and 2012

  149. 149
    A peasant passing through... says:

    .. or James (actually).

  150. 150
    Skeleton Bob says:

    Owing to Tory cuts, BBC wireless went out of the window.

  151. 151
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Adam Boulton and Tom Bradby broadcasting at the same time, “Downing Street have condemned Russia’s action in Crimea”.
    Nick Robinson some 20 seconds later, “the BBC has learnt that Downing Street have condemned Russia’s action in Crimea”.

  152. 152
    Programme Logistic Alignment Manager says:

    It’s the catheter the BBC provides that makes the BBC worth working for. Well, somebody’s got to take the piss and it may as well be us.

  153. 153
    A peasant passing through... says:


  154. 154
    Anonymous says:

    News coming in from political leads

  155. 155
    PitPony says:

    See no UKIP, Hear no UKIP, and certainly not going to talk about them

  156. 156
    Fishy says:

    Oh I don’t know. Have you been to Sunderland?

  157. 157
    The Public says:

    Three guys no-one cares about get reasy to talk bollocks in a street.

  158. 158
    Len McFuck says:

    Government’s plugged in vehicles grant sees first practical roll-out

  159. 159
    Prickteaser Alice says:

    You seem frighteningly well informed.

  160. 160
    Glynis Catton says:

    Right when we turn the rope, you jump in. Now skip!

  161. 161
    Thostids says:

    I look up to him as he is middle class…..

  162. 162
    just trying to help says:

    From off the Sunderland coast those Russians could castrate a stray tom cat strolling around Oxfordshire.

  163. 163
    Mercian says:

    Three little maids from school are we….

  164. 164
    Anonymous says:

    “Remind me. Which Three Degrees song are we doing?”

  165. 165
    Matt says:

    The quality of boy bands visiting Downing Street had seriously declined since One Direction.

  166. 166
    Ziz says:

    One last cigarette ?

  167. 167
    bogtrott says:

    press the button and nick drops his trousers then pulls them up

  168. 168
    Vince The Cable Guy says:

    I don’t recall any Voyager Doctor. Nor any Nick Robinson, for that matter.

  169. 169
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Robinson feels the Conservativeleash tightening as the election approaches.

  170. 170
    The Tenz Machine controller at the BBC says:

    You know what happens if you go of the glorious leader in Brussels message.

  171. 171
    Nick clegg says:

    Is that double Dutch

  172. 172
  173. 173
    Where's the Gold Gordon says:

    I’ve got Vince Cable in my pocket

  174. 174
    sam says:

    When Nick has finished charging he will be all over this story.

  175. 175
    duck soup says:

    Chico, Harpo, Groucho

  176. 176
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Anthony Gormley’s new installation artwork “Another Placeman’ unveiled.

  177. 177
    ned ludd says:

    That’s because he is so far right.

  178. 178
    ned ludd says:

    And very inventive.

  179. 179
    Harry Krishna says:

    Robinson wanted to join SKY with no strings attached!

  180. 180
    Aparat says:

    “How to remove the strings from your photo: Photoshop Lesson #193″

  181. 181
    Adam, N, T... says:

    Stand and deliver

  182. 182
    Bakelite says:

    FFS toenails ….that fart was rancid.

  183. 183
    RightwinggitRedux says:

    Fuck that, 45 amp 3 phase.

  184. 184
    Fitbad the Tailor says:

    Boulton: Do I look fat in this?

    Robinson: Yes.

    Other bloke: Who cares?

  185. 185
    Rightallalong says:

    Two minutes silence for their hero Tony Benn.

  186. 186
    Mr Quelch says:

    No – they are a bad thing and if you smoke one you will die – horribly, helped along by the NHS ( No Hope Sunshine)

  187. 187

    The Temptations tribute act were a disappointment.

  188. 188
    Nick Wobinson and the 2 degrees says:

    and now we’d like to sing our big hit

    Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

  189. 189
    That kid in that film says:

    I see dead people

  190. 190
    Hank Marvin says:

    When i said three Telecasters I meant bloody FENDERS

  191. 191
    Aparat says:

    “Learn with Number 10: Lesson #19: How to Remove the Strings, by Using Photoshop.”

    I know they’re outside No. 11, but hey ho.

  192. 192
    Anon says:

    Shit, my arm’s fallen off

  193. 193
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest. (Behind The News Addition)”
    No more boring downtime or frantic searches for spare cells.
    Introducing, new Rampant Rabbit Battery Eliminator.

  194. 194
    Anonymous says:

    More Dobermann than Bilko.

  195. 195
    Anonymous says:

    Nick Robinson – Hybrid Model.

  196. 196
    Gordon Straining Forward: 'Just Another Inch' - Mouth Gape says:

    ‘ Flatteries not included ‘

  197. 197
    Sesachili says:

    Hello, Good Evening, Welcome.

  198. 198

    Seeing those cords on the ground brings this to mind;
    “cum on Adam your turn to jump rope”

  199. 199
    Jack the Ripper says:

    GUY ON RIGHT : Shook hands with Cameron. Wristwatch gone.

  200. 200
    Anonymous says:

    Three cheeks, same arse.

  201. 201
    Rich Quest CNN says:

    Last time I had a piece of string in my pocket in Central Park I got arrested.

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