March 19th, 2014

Vote Kelvin!

Guido often asks himself what would Kelvin do, well today it seems the answer is run for public office. The nation’s favourite former tabloid editor is standing as an independent candidate in the local elections in Surrey. His big sell to voters? Justice for car parking charges…


91 Comments

  1. 1
    Emperor Palpatine says:

    What the actual ****?

    So this is what my apprentice was doing in his spare time then…

    Like

    • 5
      Rejoice! says:

      The Gobshite Elvis Party is born.

      Like

      • 8
        ed martin says:

        yes – now we know what’s important in the minds of those who would interpret the world for us

        its top gear level – a single issue for middle aged blokes to get angry about in the boozer – its enough to make one drink at home

        how utterly petty

        Like

        • 21
          Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, Green Nazis & other Wasters says:

          Get ready for Labour to steal all your pensions and savings.

          Like

          • Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All eco-loons says:

            Unless the Scots vote YES to independence this September then i would advise you emigrate.

            Like

    • 59
      A glass of wine says:

      🍷

      Like

  2. 2
    Guy News Room says:

    Owen Jones has revealed the Labour front bench spent much of the Budget speech urging Vince Cable to wake up Eric Pickles.

    Like

  3. 3

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    March 19, 2014 at 1:28 am

    Like

    • 26
      JH-230912384590231 says:

      Quick, someone call in Magnum fucking PI.

      Like

    • 37
      Ariela Drasanackaso says:

      Don’t fucking bother Mr Moderator. it will just be some pub bore Countdown lite unfunny pun based cringe worthy arseholian comment. After you have tagged the wankers ip address delete the fucker then we can go round to his spunk stained bedsit and delete the fucker that wrote it.

      Like

    • 87
      Lou Scannon says:

      Seems to me that this blog is being knocked up by the cleaners these days.

      Like

  4. 4
    Des Aster says:

    Good on Kelvin! The people of Surrey are crying out for an honest, honorable and decent candidate standing up…oh, wait. He’s fucked then.

    Like

    • 15
      Mizz, mizz, mizza speaka, says:

      In Woking doesn’t one have to be east facing five times a day??

      Like

    • 23
      jimbo says:

      He does have the murdoch hacks rooting for him so…..yeh he’s fucked

      Like

      • 33
        Blowing Whistles says:

        And of course there’s the little inconsequential bit about him ‘selling’ the Hillsborough B/S for the establishment … Eh Kelvin?

        Like

  5. 6
    Des Aster says:

    Actually he should stand in the Essex locals – they are full of fucked Hunts

    Like

  6. 7
    Small Business says:

    Did anyone notice what Osborne did to the National Insurance thresholds?

    Like

    • 11
      ed martin says:

      a slight tidying (for the self-unemployed) and – more important – a removal for the young – lowering the real minimum wage cost

      no announcement of the merger of nics and income tax nor raising the lower threahold generally – which would lower labour costs

      Like

      • 14
        John Ward (Medway) says:

        You won’t get those during the Coalition years – and it will take a good degree of backbench pressure with an overall Conservative majority – but it could happen one day. The clue is, that a Conservative-only government is the *only* way it could happen in reality.

        Like

        • 25
          ed martin says:

          nice to see someone thinking about this

          do you remember gordon brown denying vigorously that nics were a form of income tax?

          i’m in trade and the benefit to me is that raising thresholds potentially lowers labour costs – therefore we become more competitive and gain more in pre-tax income

          Like

          • was it something I said? says:

            Yeah but Brown denied that the Lisbon Treaty was the ‘Reform Treaty’ with the title tippexed out and he denied that he’d every promised an end to ‘boom and bust’ and…

            Do you know, in his fucked up head, he probably believes it.

            But he’s still a fucking liar who is not to be trusted.

            Like

  7. 9
    John Ward (Medway) says:

    Well, in terms of the political temperature… Degrees of Kelvin are the same as degrees absolute, so: absolutely! Could be fun to have him in the mix, and it certainly won’t be dull…

    Like

  8. 10
    Answer says:

    What would Kelvin do?

    Mouth off like a loud-mouthed gobshite?

    Like

    • 24
      Caroline Flint says:

      I’ll give him lessons.

      Like

    • 35
      Blowing Whistles says:

      He’s been known to be a guest lecturer [could be a pun in there] to all those student type mongrels on the two-bit ‘MEEEDYA Courses’ (How to keep the truth from the public by being entrapped by Media Laws) down at Bournemouth Uni.

      Like

    • 43
      Tucker Ducker-Dido III says:

      I can’t quite remember, was he the one who….
      A- Print mocked up photos of British soldiers pissing on r@gheads?
      Or…
      B- Use his newspaper’s financial column to manipulate markets for his own personal gain?
      Or…
      C- Preside over a culture of illegal activities in his news room, activities that include bribing the police, murdering private detectives, smearing politicians and bugging dead children’s mobile phones?

      Mmm, nope I just can’t quite remember what the odious little shit did that was so outrageous, I seem to think it had something to do with Scousers and pickpockets but I can’t be sure.

      Like

      • 47
        Polly Pot says:

        Everyone but the Guardian – PAY YOUR TAXES!

        Like

      • 67
        Blowing Whistles says:

        But didn’t that fucking arsehole Piers learn a lot from that fucking arsehole Mackenzie?

        And didn’t both of them graduate from the Murdoch school of despicable evil tactics – of shimmying up to the public pretending to be the publics best friend when in reality they practiced the direct opposite being in thrall to the establishment of course?

        Like

      • 68
        Spartacus says:

        no, no, no, he was the one who hacked angella merckel’s mobile telephone

        Like

  9. 12
    Mizz, mizz, mizza speaka, says:

    Forced out by fanatics: Head teachers reveal how they’ve been bullied, smeared and driven from their jobs for resisting ?…………….

    Mod bot very sensitive today, allowed more comment on the d mail than in here….tosser

    Like

  10. 13
    Mizz, mizz, mizza speaka, says:

    I am Ed M and I haven’t a fuckin clue.

    Like

  11. 16
    No says:

    Vote Kelvin! ?

    Fuck off!

    Like

  12. 17
    Mizz, mizz, mizza speaka, says:

    UKIP looking fucked now The Savers have been rescued and Nigel has come out of the closet.

    Like

    • 20
      QE says:

      Rescued? What planet are you on?

      Like

      • 30
        JH-230912384590231 says:

        The planet where interest rates for savers are lower than the most conservative guess at the true inflation rate, and it’s seen as a good thing.

        Until the 3 social democratic parties stop treating the indigenous population as some sort of nasty infestation to be removed from this Island, UKIP will do fine.

        Like

      • 31
        ed martin says:

        quite right – proper market interest rates and a match in lending/funding terms looks after the saver, the banking system, and should increase housing supply by lowering development land values

        at present we run a national house finance scheme on the same basis that broke overend & gurney – supposedly the case study of how to borrow short lend long and end up in queer street

        Like

    • 28
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All eco-loons says:

      LOL.

      2.8% for a poxy 1 year granny bond when Santander are paying 3% on a current account.

      Like

      • 40
        Me says:

        I thought I warned you about putting money in Spanish banks.

        Like

        • 41
          Me says:

          P.S. Remember how all the Icelandic banks were paying over-the-odds rates? That turned out well, didn’t it.

          Like

          • was it something I said? says:

            Excellent point.

            Like

          • Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

            Except they were not covered by the FSA compensation scheme whereas Santander UK are.

            Like

          • Spartacus says:

            equitable life were also covered . . . and see how that panned out

            Like

          • Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

            Insurance companies will always try to weasle out of paying out by claiming you’re not covered (check the small print).

            UK FSA registered bank deposits are covered by the Bank of England who can QE (print) as much money as they like to compensate depositers.

            Like

    • 38
      Blowing Whistles says:

      Read around about Farages – statement today – not so Re dirty fucking gayers and their marriages.

      The Gay Marriage homo mafia mob have been found out … The contradiction being that one of their most learned have stated that Marriage is a sexual incarceration – DSome of YOfing R – DYOR.

      Like

  13. 22
    Tony Blair is a war criminal says:

    So according to Sky, Labour didn’t have a good day and Red Ed did a poor job, over on the BBC according to them Red Ed had a great day.

    Like

  14. 32
    Anonymous says:

    Quite how he cab fix meters etc to recognise locals over commuters I do not know.

    Like

  15. 34
    Mizz, mizz, mizza speaka, says:

    As I an abject symbol of failure and distrust, like an extra in some political satire, I feel I must now do the honourable thing left to me and …………………”……….”…………….prepare for minority government.

    Like

  16. 39
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Every Local Council in the UK is corrupted – with Corrupt councillors (LibLabCon) and unelected executives – They are all running Criminal Enterprises in partnership no less with their local pigstabularies. Don’t say i didn’t warn you.

    Like

    • 45
      The public says:

      Who are you?

      Like

      • 56
        Mossad says:

        We know who he is, he’s a harmless nutter according to our records.

        Like

      • 58
        any excuse says:

        some trivia… hugh fearnley whittingstall’s mum used to run the who fan club.

        Like

        • 69
          Blowing Whistles says:

          Lord Birt [bbc mouthpiece of the labour government in the reign of terror] publicly shouting to a journo some years back “Who the fuck are you, who the fuck are you?”

          What goes a fucking round comes fucking around – Lord Birt you pathetic bastard labour mouthpiece.

          Like

          • Mossad says:

            BW still lives with his 85 year old mummy near Broadstairs, we can’t be more specific than that. He likes pot noodles, wanking and the Beano, not necessarily in that order. He also likes to be licked in the bollocks by his mum’s pet pooch, Mandy, although mummy is not aware of this.

            Like

          • Blowing Whistles says:

            Hey Mossy – faked up any good passports recently [Criminal offence] and taken out anyone – by abusing so called international laws / geneva convention laws [criminal offences] – and not having been indicted for such; as is a long history of form you appear to have?

            Like

          • Anonymous says:

            daffy aka david skolnick ran the arch angel scam servers. anyone out there who was or is still being fleeced should search for him in frankfurt- he codes for a bank. his dad is a prominent rabbi who lives in the netherlands.

            Like

      • 71
        Blowing Whistles says:

        A bit more knowledgeable than you arsewipe.

        Like

  17. 42
    NE Frontiersman says:

    It’s rather symbolic of this country that the land that Winstanley and the Diggers proclaimed common to all is now a gated community of multi-million pound houses.
    Rather than elect councillors, couldn’t they just declare UDI?

    Like

  18. 44
    Dan Hodges says:

    Did you see Ed Miliband’s response? Jeezzz uzzz! Talk about a stinker!
    Balls is terrible at this sort of thing, but Miliband? Pheeewww!! Hold your noses everyone. This one just won’t flush. Who’s got the gloves, bleach and a coat hanger we won’t to use again?

    What a stench!
    Deodourizer for the opposition benches please! Quick s you can

    Like

    • 46
      David Cummerbund says:

      I wanted to hand round cigars for the good job my boy did today.
      But I was told the Miliband failure aroma was flammable and potentially explosive.

      Best sleep in the bath if you want to try and rid yourself of that stench of an utter humiliating defeat. Justine won’t let you in the bed anyway. Ponging like that.

      Like

    • 57
      Tony says:

      Hodges, come here. My cock needs a spit and polish.

      Like

    • 64
      RED LEN says:

      Red Ed was utterly dire. My toes were curling as I cringed, visibly.

      Time to buy another leader.

      Like

  19. 49
    C O (Ξ7g) says:

    P’addy A’shdown today demonstrating one of the problems with EU thinking:

    http://tinyurl.com/phx9ze9

    He is missing the point that P’tin / D’odik and reality on the ground in BiH are such that it is not one country. Mentioned this the other day here – P’tin has D’ayton in his sights and is going to use combo of K’osovo / Rep Srbska to coerce the S’erbs to bring R-Fed into that region.

    He is correct though that R is stoking separatists at present.

    With the economic problems in S’loven!a courtesy of the Eurozone failure, there is a legitimate question mark hanging there also.

    Elsewhere, P’tin is attempting to sew seeds of dissent within NATO with some pointed rhetoric aimed at E’stonia:

    h**p://tinyurl.com/l2yo3ub

    Testing whether NATO would risk war with R’ussia under it’s Art-5 obligations for a small member. This was a problem for NATO when E’stonia was allowed in, but the answer is simple: Yes NATO will defend.

    Like

  20. 51
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Like a lost little boy.

    photo/1

    Like

    • 60
      Joss Taskin says:

      Is Ed Balls seriously the Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer for this Country ???????????

      Like

      • 63
        Red Len says:

        No. He’s just playing at it.

        For now.

        Like

        • 65
          nell says:

          He’s trying hard to become a concert pianist – just doing ABRSM2.

          At least he’s more proficient at music than he is at economics!!

          And lets not talk about his and militwits views about reforming banking onto the Coop Bank model!!!

          Like

          • just asking says:

            I thought the Shadow Chancellor responded to the Budget.
            Why did Milliband take over- especially as he made such a
            mess of it?

            Like

          • A Dodding Nonkey says:

            Wrong. Leader always replies to Budget. Balls replies to Autumn Statement – not the same thing. Clear?

            Like

  21. 62
    Lard Everard says:

    Like

  22. 66
    Anonymous says:

    I would like the opportunity to vote for a committed politician who cares about my country, England. Instead we have a political clique elite who believe in mass immigration that dilutes my culture considerably and even more, labels any one who disagrees with them, as racist.

    Even more, they continue to press for a United States of Europe without a referendum. By the way you can only be selected to become an MEP in any country if you believe in the European project. It’s easy to do that,especially when you see the sums of money they get for being an MEP,to prosecute the cause for a United States of Europe. Money is their driving factor that you pay for.

    At least Putin cares about his country Russia, and nothing is gonna stop him. In that respect, I do admire him, and to hell with the west he says.

    I will never vote now for for the liblabcon party. There is no difference. 70% of laws are EU laws. Cameron is just another fraud as far as the EU is concerned. He will do or say any thing to get your vote before the election, then just like every other PM after, he will fuck you on the EU, as Blair did, to deny a referendum.

    I really detest them all,

    Like

    • 77
      End the poltical monoculture says:

      Then stand in your local area as an independent. The more people do that, even if just as parish councillors, the greater the range of ideas which will be ‘out there’.

      Like

      • 84
        Anonymous says:

        Only a revolution will change things, like Putin did. Playing the political elites games will never change things, after all they make the laws to suit themselves, no one else. They own the electoral system.

        Your comments are just purile kindergarten nonsense and I out you as a liblabcon politician.

        Like

  23. 73
    Ukrainian Oligarch in Laundry London says:

    Hahaha

    I’ve just been funded by a new EU “advance” to Ukraine

    The new PM is a chosen one, like me…

    Like

  24. 76
    The Terror of the treasury says:

    Its frightening that Balls would be in the Treasurey if Labour win but there is something even more frightening.

    McFuckwit Broon will be the elder statesman by then and by that he will also be back in the treasury as well pulling strings and whispering in ears.

    That is so frightening that I just cannot envisage the damage that is going to be caused over the next 5 years culminating in more elephant traps set for those having to clear up when Labour are chucked out for fucking the economy yet again

    Like

    • 78
      Berwick says:

      With any luck, by then he will be a foreign national who will need a visa to enter the UK – and most certainly will be excludable as a terrorist.

      Like

  25. 79
    Blair cocksucker says:

    Is he standing for the bring back Tony party?

    Like

  26. 81
    C O (Ξ7g) says:

    For anyone interested in Foreign Policy failures, the following critique / criticism of some of the root causes is worth a read:

    http://www.e-ir.info/2014/03/19/the-return-of-the-problem-solvers/

    (This is US focused – the problem in European / UK institutions is more pronounced)

    The central problem appears to be in changes in what is taught in the disciplines of Pol!tical Sc!ence, !nternational Relat!ons and to a degree H!story. They have principally been detached from reality.

    Something similar has happened in economics also:

    h**p://www.theguardian.com/uk/2012/dec/13/queen-financial-crisis-question

    The reply the Queen received back in 2012 (after four years) is less than convincing that any lessons were learned, or that anything has been done to correct the situation. Lack of regulation was the root problem, but detaching economics from common sense / reality remains a major risk factor.

    Like

  27. 89
    Anonymous says:

    Who would be stupid enough to vote for this tosser?

    no doubt ex-tory imbeciles who find the ukip knobs overly sentient

    Like

  28. 91
    Anonymous says:

    “Guido often asks himself what would Kelvin do”
    if invited to sit down, and explain his personal version of reality and all its workings? Probably the same as all the other jokers do. Go silent and stare off into space. Once he realises he’s inadvertently contradicting his own narrative.

    Like


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