March 17th, 2014

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Guido is off with the kids to the parade in Waterford.

Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!


  1. 1
    Red Top says:

    Plastic Paddy tries to join in.


    • 3
      Ah! but says:

      Plasic shamrock better


    • 45
      Ah! sub ed says:

      New Newsnight Hire’s Left Wing Blogs | Ale x W ick ham

      Suplus apostrophes today


      • 49
        Smell the whisky and cigar smoke says:

        Don’t be nasty to prickteaser Alice – the big boys will punish you when they’re back.


    • 58
      dai laughing says:

      its one thing getting the girl out of cork – but….


      • 89
        broderick crawford says:

        With a shelalaighly up me arse

        And a twinkle in me eye

        I m off to Tipperary in the mornin ‘


    • 59
      yer man begob says:

      a felleagh walks in to a waterford florist

      what sort of flowers do you have – says he

      what have you in mind – says the assistant

      a good **** – retorts hisself


    • 87
      Myfanwy says:

      Now wouldn’t it be nice if all those claiming Iorish ancestry all immigrated back into the Emerald Isle jsy think of the bedlam that would ensue and all waving their little Iorish passports in the air, I wonder if they if they would be able buy enough bog to build a garden shed on it. Now this is a very old old Spike Milligoon comedy with a real Iorishman born in India he had both passports but he was still waiting into the late 70’s before he got a UK passport.


    • 90

      Fuck saint Patricks ,day when I was young it was hardly on the radar, it is a recent marketing ploy of the Guiness Brewery to persuade you suckers to drink their acrid ,fizzy, keg, mass produced, phoney oirish ‘stout ‘ !!


  2. 2
    Owen O'Jones says:

    Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!


  3. 4
    Ed Balls Super Fan says:

    My family live in Waterford !


  4. 6
    Ed Miliband says:

    Anyway, now that I have solved my Rubicks Cube, Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody! Lá Fhéile Phádraig sona daoibh go léir!


  5. 7
    ss says:

    Irishman = A simple device for turning Guinness into Piss.


  6. 8
    Gordon Brown says:

    All the best to Ireland today.


  7. 9
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Look, the plane’s gone. Can we just move on please?

    Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!


  8. 10
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    When you are so extreme left everyone else is a right wing fascist.


  9. 12
    Garfield says:

    You have got to ask the question if Ireland (just a quick thank you for phucking up England’s chances of winning the Six Nations me and the sheep where pissing ourselfs with laughter) has a population of 5 million, why did the 65 million leave?


    • 17
      Paddy says:

      I take it you failed history ‘O’level?


    • 62
      was it something I said? says:

      Same reason they left Fucking Scotland. Because , despite the best efforts of their respective tourist boards, it is a barren, inhospitable, wind and rain swept shithole.

      It’s the same reason Wales and the North of England is depopulated too. Or, as the euphemism has it, ‘areas of outstanding natural beauty’.

      Do you think, back in 1700 and 1800 and 1900 the locals were giving it ‘Oh, now will you look at that, isn’t that just outstanding natural beauty, sure it would be a fucking crime to build a house there so it would…’? Do you? Of course not. The fucking place is empty because it’s utterly inhospitable. It’s fucking tundra or large parts of it are.


      • 68
        North Tourist Bored says:

        At least* our cities are mainly indigenous, and most people don’t live in packing crates in someones back garden.

        * not including old mill towns and cities


  10. 13
    Happy Paddy's Day, innit says:


  11. 14
    William Hague says:

    Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell!


  12. 16
    Anus BBC Cunt says:

    Fuck Ireland, fuck its fucking shite history, and fuck everything to do with Ireland…past, present, and future


  13. 20
    The Craic says:

    From an Inishowen pub with some fine Irish musician friends, here’s wishing everyone a Happy St. Patrick’s Day


    • 46
      plod copter renovations limited salesman says:

      plod copter renovations limited – the number one provider of instantaneous pub refurbishments.

      maybe i could drop in sometime and show you are excellent service!


  14. 21
    Johnny English says:

    Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. David’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. Andrew’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. George’s Day= Waaaaaaacistttt!


    • 24
      Diane Abbot says:

      They are all Wacist.


      • 81
        Glassware says:

        The English have never needed an Independence Day because we are confident of our own identity – this will continue until about 2026 when the Caliphate will be declared.


    • 56
      Jock McTavish says:

      Actually, St Andrew is practically ignored in Scotland – Burns Night has become the de facto national day. BTW, when will Notting Hill Carnival overtake St George’s Day down south?


      • 74
        was it something I said? says:

        Burns is hit. I don’t know how the Scots have managed to allow themselves to dress up in fancy dress and recite an ode to a fucking offal dish.

        As a kid I thought The Goodies and their ‘Noble Art of Ecky Thump’ was just weird but now I see they were simply taking the piss out of the Little Scotlanders. All dressing up in woolly skirts and piping in a fucking blood pudding.

        And nobody stands up and gives it ‘Do you know what, this is fucking ridiculous, I am not listening to another fucking word from that c*unt-hound Burns or another shrieking fucking Fiona singing one of his fucking rubbish songs, I’m fucking off’.

        Nope. Sit through the whole fucking pantomime they do.

        w’as like us?

        Jeesus. W’ad want ta be?


        • 82
          och no... says:

          those burns suppers were an experience ..I recall wearing wellies wifes tartan skirt and a parsnip with accompanying brussels as a sporran .. those were the days when it was still legal to drink and crawl and provided you didn’t listen to that burns drivel you could get seriously paralysed and take the piss out of the scots


  15. 22
    Arse fuck for Guiness says:

    Well, it’s that day again when the Irish miss work and spend all day drinking.



  16. 23
    Nick Clegg says:

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Grew up eating corned beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes on this day in honour of our heritage – tough childhood.


  17. 25
    Winston says:

    St Patrick’s Day celebrations are an American import, just like Halloween. There were no parades in Ireland until recently.


  18. 26
    póg mo thóin says:

    st patrick was a dago cu.nt – just like you you fat spastic.


  19. 27
    Wiki Guido says:

    Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

    Afterwards, Paddy says, “That was fucking great! I wonder how the girls got on.”


  20. 28
    Alex Salmond, formerly the cleverest man in politics says:

    I’m totally certain the the Scots will easily beat the 95.5% Yes vote for secession achieved in Crimea.

    In fact, if my cunning plan(*) works there will be a 110% vote for Yes!

    (*) Not the cunning, just stuffing the ballot boxes. Hoots!


    • 77
      M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

      Without the nuclear umbrella and fiscal discipline an independent Scotland might become part of Russia sooner that they think.


  21. 30
    Frank Carson says:

    Heard about the Irish abortion clinic?

    There’s a 12 month waiting list


  22. 36
    Whale Oil Beef Hooked says:

    Did you hear about the old Irish-Muslim joke?

    No? Ahhh, Jihad to be there.


  23. 37
    Ah! perpaps says:

    “One half of cookery duo Two Fat Ladies, Clarissa Dickson Wright, dies age 66.”

    Dear BBC,
    That should read ” The other half …


  24. 38
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    Vacancy for
    Head of World news, business outlook, financial trading and related digital content.

    £347,000 pa +
    Final Salary Pension – Private health care. relocation package. Golden hello payment of £34,600. Travel, expenses, 8 weeks holiday and private schooling allowance.

    Would suit Marxist


  25. 39
    Amazon, Google and Starbucks says:

    We love Ireland.


  26. 40

    “But 70 million call it home”‘
    Just not a home they’ve any intention living in.
    They prefer dossing in someone else’s gaff


  27. 42
    Vince the paranoid android says:

    Brain the size of a planet and they give me Royal Mail to sell.. I don’t know – I really don’t.


  28. 48
    JH-230912384590231-1 says:


    I have a Grandmother from Limerick. That makes me more Irish than most of the fuckers ‘celebrating’ today.


  29. 53
    Gordon McBreath says:

    Dear Vladamir.

    Beware. I got 97% of the vote and they still turfed me out. Apparently voting forms that you fill in yourself don’t count. Which is a bugger as I used to get up at 4am and work until 7pm, 7 days a week, for 3 years on making those voting forms look authentic


  30. 54
    Sally Bercow says:

    Happy St Patrick’s Day! Cá mbeidh tú ag fliuchadh na seamróige? Where will you be wetting the shamrock?


  31. 55
    Ned Stark says:

    Winter is coming.

    Only taxation can keep back the white walkers.


  32. 63
    Ed Militwit says:

    It’th a cotht of Guinneth cwithith.

    Er, Harriet, what’th Guinneth?


  33. 71
    RightwinggitRedux says:

    “No hotlinking please. ” instead of video….



  34. 78
    Patrick Fitz Michael & Michael Fitz Patrick says:

    Conas atá tú , my name is Ken O’Samhna.

    I’m a 27 year old American Paddyphile (Ireland fan for you Sassanach). I draw Celtic symbols on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my Gaeilge and listening to superior Traditional Irish Music. (Dropkick Murphies, Flogging Molly, Daniel O’Donnell).

    I train with my Hurley every day, this superior sport of Hurling is the fastest game on grass, and is vastly superior to any other sport on earth, especially American Football and Apehoop. I bought my Hurl along with some traditional Irish Dirt, and I have been getting better every day.

    I speak Gaeilge fluently, both Ulster and the Munster dialects, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Irish history and their Brehon Law code, which I follow 100%

    When I get my Irish Passport (my grandmom was from Galway, have you heard of her?), I am moving to Dublin to attend the prestigious Trinity College to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a Master Draughtsman in Guinness Brewery or draw Celtic tattoos for a living!

    (I already have one that says “Top of The Morning” across my neck.)

    I own several kilts, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Ireland, so I can fit in easier. I play the bagpipes but no one can seem to respond to the beautiful notes I play. They just don’t understand.

    Wish me luck in Ireland! Tiocfaidh Ar La!


  35. 83
    Madness says:

    Achingly politically correct PSNI are marching in the St Patricks Day parade in New York City….behind Irish Tricolours, banners of Bobby Sands, Noraid (who funded the IRA for decades), England get out of Ireland ‘official’ banners and all manner of pro-Republican terrorist supporters groups.

    Isn’t it wonderful what sort of policing farce Chris Patten brought to the long suffering decent people ofNorthern Ireland.
    He should hang.


    • 85
      was it something I said? says:

      The weird thing is that, apart from Fucking Scotland, you hardly ever hear any of this Republican/Loyalist fucking nonsense anywhere else outside of NI.

      I grew up in Birmingham and it was never fucking well mentioned. At school. In the streets. On building sites (where I spent my summer holidays – H&S not being quite what it is now). Never once heard a mention.

      I did encounter it once (in Boston) where I was pleased to be informed by a vicious little child of 8 or 9 that I personally, over from England at the age of 15, was starving Bobby Sands to death. Starving him you see. With-holding food.

      I think the father was on the run or something. The old c*unt probably has a letter from Peter Hain now.


      • 98
        (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

        You’re not alone. I was meant to hear a loud comment in an upscale Seattle restaurant that “The Brits should get out” of NI, presumably. The lout’s dining companions appeared to be mortified!


  36. 84
    Glassware says:

    The little arrow on the beer bottle points to the end to be opened.


  37. 94
    Hamish Macbeth says:


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