March 17th, 2014

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Guido is off with the kids to the parade in Waterford.

Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!


  1. 1
    Red Top says:

    Plastic Paddy tries to join in.

  2. 2
    Owen O'Jones says:

    Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!

  3. 3
    Ah! but says:

    Plasic shamrock better

  4. 4
    Ed Balls Super Fan says:

    My family live in Waterford !

  5. 5
    P l e b says:

    Most of us don’t speak Martian…

  6. 6
    Ed Miliband says:

    Anyway, now that I have solved my Rubicks Cube, Happy St. Patrick’s Day everybody! Lá Fhéile Phádraig sona daoibh go léir!

  7. 7
    ss says:

    Irishman = A simple device for turning Guinness into Piss.

  8. 8
    Gordon Brown says:

    All the best to Ireland today.

  9. 9
    Prime Minister David Cameron says:

    Look, the plane’s gone. Can we just move on please?

    Lá fhéile Pádraig sona dhaoibh!

  10. 10
    And... says:

    Arent the ones called Peat good at making fires?

  11. 11
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    When you are so extreme left everyone else is a right wing fascist.

  12. 12
    Garfield says:

    You have got to ask the question if Ireland (just a quick thank you for phucking up England’s chances of winning the Six Nations me and the sheep where pissing ourselfs with laughter) has a population of 5 million, why did the 65 million leave?

  13. 13
    Happy Paddy's Day, innit says:

  14. 14
    William Hague says:

    Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we dine in hell!

  15. 15
    Mehdi Hasan says:

    Did I say something wrong to be deleted? Is this Russià?

  16. 16
    Anus BBC Cunt says:

    Fuck Ireland, fuck its fucking shite history, and fuck everything to do with Ireland…past, present, and future

  17. 17
    Paddy says:

    I take it you failed history ‘O’level?

  18. 18
    Garfield says:

    Those bronzed lithe Spartan warriors fought naked I believe Willy.

  19. 19
    Garfield says:

    No in fact got the Degree its humour arsewipe.

  20. 20
    The Craic says:

    From an Inishowen pub with some fine Irish musician friends, here’s wishing everyone a Happy St. Patrick’s Day

  21. 21
    Johnny English says:

    Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. David’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. Andrew’s Day= patriotic.
    Celebrate St. George’s Day= Waaaaaaacistttt!

  22. 22
    Arse fuck for Guiness says:

    Well, it’s that day again when the Irish miss work and spend all day drinking.


  23. 23
    Nick Clegg says:

    Happy St. Patrick’s Day. Grew up eating corned beef, cabbage and boiled potatoes on this day in honour of our heritage – tough childhood.

  24. 24
    Diane Abbot says:

    They are all Wacist.

  25. 25
    Winston says:

    St Patrick’s Day celebrations are an American import, just like Halloween. There were no parades in Ireland until recently.

  26. 26
    póg mo thóin says:

    st patrick was a dago cu.nt – just like you you fat spastic.

  27. 27
    Wiki Guido says:

    Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.

    Afterwards, Paddy says, “That was fucking great! I wonder how the girls got on.”

  28. 28
    Alex Salmond, formerly the cleverest man in politics says:

    I’m totally certain the the Scots will easily beat the 95.5% Yes vote for secession achieved in Crimea.

    In fact, if my cunning plan(*) works there will be a 110% vote for Yes!

    (*) Not the cunning, just stuffing the ballot boxes. Hoots!

  29. 29
    Skeleton Bob says:

    You need tree fellers in Ireland to make fires. Two won’t cut it.

  30. 30
    Frank Carson says:

    Heard about the Irish abortion clinic?

    There’s a 12 month waiting list

  31. 31
    Bread and Circusssesesses's says:

    Shhh, keeps their poor minds of R,ussia.

  32. 32
    Skeleton Bob says:

    I enjoyed that, to be sure.

  33. 33
    Paddy says:

    Sorry, missed the humour. Was it buried under the mangled syntax and poor spelling, cock holster?

  34. 34
    Ed Miliband Tweeting says:

    Congratulation to the hard working, brave brave Irish people on this cost of living spoiled day.

  35. 35
    Skeleton Bob says:

    Dunno. Ask a Malaysian pilot.

  36. 36
    Whale Oil Beef Hooked says:

    Did you hear about the old Irish-Muslim joke?

    No? Ahhh, Jihad to be there.

  37. 37
    Ah! perpaps says:

    “One half of cookery duo Two Fat Ladies, Clarissa Dickson Wright, dies age 66.”

    Dear BBC,
    That should read ” The other half …

  38. 38
    BBC Red Bottom says:

    Vacancy for
    Head of World news, business outlook, financial trading and related digital content.

    £347,000 pa +
    Final Salary Pension – Private health care. relocation package. Golden hello payment of £34,600. Travel, expenses, 8 weeks holiday and private schooling allowance.

    Would suit Marxist

  39. 39
    Amazon, Google and Starbucks says:

    We love Ireland.

  40. 40

    “But 70 million call it home”‘
    Just not a home they’ve any intention living in.
    They prefer dossing in someone else’s gaff

  41. 41
    David Cummerbund says:

    Best Wishes to the Irish folk. Great Grandfather Cummerbund was a landowning Irish lord, so we have lots in common.

  42. 42
    Vince the paranoid android says:

    Brain the size of a planet and they give me Royal Mail to sell.. I don’t know – I really don’t.

  43. 43
    Putin says:


  44. 44
    Nigel Farage says:


  45. 45
    Ah! sub ed says:

    New Newsnight Hire’s Left Wing Blogs | Ale x W ick ham

    Suplus apostrophes today

  46. 46
    plod copter renovations limited salesman says:

    plod copter renovations limited – the number one provider of instantaneous pub refurbishments.

    maybe i could drop in sometime and show you are excellent service!

  47. 47
    Chris Moyle's Motors says:

    By home they mean ‘Tax efficient Vehicle’

  48. 48
    JH-230912384590231-1 says:


    I have a Grandmother from Limerick. That makes me more Irish than most of the fuckers ‘celebrating’ today.

  49. 49
    Smell the whisky and cigar smoke says:

    Don’t be nasty to prickteaser Alice – the big boys will punish you when they’re back.

  50. 50
    Garfield says:

    Silly little boy.

  51. 51
    8umboy 8illy Hague says:

    My kind of gays.

  52. 52
    Alan Partridge says:

    “If it was just the potatoes that were affected, at the end of the day you will pay the price if you’re a fussy eater.”

  53. 53
    Gordon McBreath says:

    Dear Vladamir.

    Beware. I got 97% of the vote and they still turfed me out. Apparently voting forms that you fill in yourself don’t count. Which is a bugger as I used to get up at 4am and work until 7pm, 7 days a week, for 3 years on making those voting forms look authentic

  54. 54
    Sally Bercow says:

    Happy St Patrick’s Day! Cá mbeidh tú ag fliuchadh na seamróige? Where will you be wetting the shamrock?

  55. 55
    Ned Stark says:

    Winter is coming.

    Only taxation can keep back the white walkers.

  56. 56
    Jock McTavish says:

    Actually, St Andrew is practically ignored in Scotland – Burns Night has become the de facto national day. BTW, when will Notting Hill Carnival overtake St George’s Day down south?

  57. 57
    was it something I said? says:

    Mine used to. But they left. Because it was shit.

  58. 58
    dai laughing says:

    its one thing getting the girl out of cork – but….

  59. 59
    yer man begob says:

    a felleagh walks in to a waterford florist

    what sort of flowers do you have – says he

    what have you in mind – says the assistant

    a good **** – retorts hisself

  60. 60
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Heard the one about the Irish mosquito?

    It caught malaria.

  61. 61
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Let them eat coke.

  62. 62
    was it something I said? says:

    Same reason they left Fucking Scotland. Because , despite the best efforts of their respective tourist boards, it is a barren, inhospitable, wind and rain swept shithole.

    It’s the same reason Wales and the North of England is depopulated too. Or, as the euphemism has it, ‘areas of outstanding natural beauty’.

    Do you think, back in 1700 and 1800 and 1900 the locals were giving it ‘Oh, now will you look at that, isn’t that just outstanding natural beauty, sure it would be a fucking crime to build a house there so it would…’? Do you? Of course not. The fucking place is empty because it’s utterly inhospitable. It’s fucking tundra or large parts of it are.

  63. 63
    Ed Militwit says:

    It’th a cotht of Guinneth cwithith.

    Er, Harriet, what’th Guinneth?

  64. 64
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    He was British.

  65. 65
    was it something I said? says:

    This message was brought to you by the Glasgow Ranger’s Supporters Club.

  66. 66
    was it something I said? says:


  67. 67
    was it something I said? says:

    Aye, Welsh I think.

  68. 68
    North Tourist Bored says:

    At least* our cities are mainly indigenous, and most people don’t live in packing crates in someones back garden.

    * not including old mill towns and cities

  69. 69
    Owen Jones says:

    Hear, hear, I argued same in 2009:

  70. 70
    Oliver Cromwell says:

    Harsh, but fair.

  71. 71
    RightwinggitRedux says:

    “No hotlinking please. ” instead of video….


  72. 72
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    In those days Wales as a country did not exist but “Welsh” is what the invading Saxons called the indigenous British celts. Cheekily it meant “foreigner”.

  73. 73
    was it something I said? says:

    So it’s the Saxon equivalent of ‘infidel’.

  74. 74
    was it something I said? says:

    Burns is hit. I don’t know how the Scots have managed to allow themselves to dress up in fancy dress and recite an ode to a fucking offal dish.

    As a kid I thought The Goodies and their ‘Noble Art of Ecky Thump’ was just weird but now I see they were simply taking the piss out of the Little Scotlanders. All dressing up in woolly skirts and piping in a fucking blood pudding.

    And nobody stands up and gives it ‘Do you know what, this is fucking ridiculous, I am not listening to another fucking word from that c*unt-hound Burns or another shrieking fucking Fiona singing one of his fucking rubbish songs, I’m fucking off’.

    Nope. Sit through the whole fucking pantomime they do.

    w’as like us?

    Jeesus. W’ad want ta be?

  75. 75
    Joe public says:

    Sounds more like a Labour and Lib Dem party ?

  76. 76
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Suppose so but my point was that although Patrick was Welsh (or British) it did not necessarily mean he was from Wales.

  77. 77
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    Without the nuclear umbrella and fiscal discipline an independent Scotland might become part of Russia sooner that they think.

  78. 78
    Patrick Fitz Michael & Michael Fitz Patrick says:

    Conas atá tú , my name is Ken O’Samhna.

    I’m a 27 year old American Paddyphile (Ireland fan for you Sassanach). I draw Celtic symbols on my tablet, and spend my days perfecting my Gaeilge and listening to superior Traditional Irish Music. (Dropkick Murphies, Flogging Molly, Daniel O’Donnell).

    I train with my Hurley every day, this superior sport of Hurling is the fastest game on grass, and is vastly superior to any other sport on earth, especially American Football and Apehoop. I bought my Hurl along with some traditional Irish Dirt, and I have been getting better every day.

    I speak Gaeilge fluently, both Ulster and the Munster dialects, and I write fluently as well. I know everything about Irish history and their Brehon Law code, which I follow 100%

    When I get my Irish Passport (my grandmom was from Galway, have you heard of her?), I am moving to Dublin to attend the prestigious Trinity College to learn more about their magnificent culture. I hope I can become a Master Draughtsman in Guinness Brewery or draw Celtic tattoos for a living!

    (I already have one that says “Top of The Morning” across my neck.)

    I own several kilts, which I wear around town. I want to get used to wearing them before I move to Ireland, so I can fit in easier. I play the bagpipes but no one can seem to respond to the beautiful notes I play. They just don’t understand.

    Wish me luck in Ireland! Tiocfaidh Ar La!

  79. 79
    Say it with flowers says:

    Send a cactus…

  80. 80
    Glassware says:

    Full of cuttle, was it?

  81. 81
    Glassware says:

    The English have never needed an Independence Day because we are confident of our own identity – this will continue until about 2026 when the Caliphate will be declared.

  82. 82
    och no... says:

    those burns suppers were an experience ..I recall wearing wellies wifes tartan skirt and a parsnip with accompanying brussels as a sporran .. those were the days when it was still legal to drink and crawl and provided you didn’t listen to that burns drivel you could get seriously paralysed and take the piss out of the scots

  83. 83
    Madness says:

    Achingly politically correct PSNI are marching in the St Patricks Day parade in New York City….behind Irish Tricolours, banners of Bobby Sands, Noraid (who funded the IRA for decades), England get out of Ireland ‘official’ banners and all manner of pro-Republican terrorist supporters groups.

    Isn’t it wonderful what sort of policing farce Chris Patten brought to the long suffering decent people ofNorthern Ireland.
    He should hang.

  84. 84
    Glassware says:

    The little arrow on the beer bottle points to the end to be opened.

  85. 85
    was it something I said? says:

    The weird thing is that, apart from Fucking Scotland, you hardly ever hear any of this Republican/Loyalist fucking nonsense anywhere else outside of NI.

    I grew up in Birmingham and it was never fucking well mentioned. At school. In the streets. On building sites (where I spent my summer holidays – H&S not being quite what it is now). Never once heard a mention.

    I did encounter it once (in Boston) where I was pleased to be informed by a vicious little child of 8 or 9 that I personally, over from England at the age of 15, was starving Bobby Sands to death. Starving him you see. With-holding food.

    I think the father was on the run or something. The old c*unt probably has a letter from Peter Hain now.

  86. 86
    Adams supports Paedos says:

    Trinity!! Bloody prod.

  87. 87
    Myfanwy says:

    Now wouldn’t it be nice if all those claiming Iorish ancestry all immigrated back into the Emerald Isle jsy think of the bedlam that would ensue and all waving their little Iorish passports in the air, I wonder if they if they would be able buy enough bog to build a garden shed on it. Now this is a very old old Spike Milligoon comedy with a real Iorishman born in India he had both passports but he was still waiting into the late 70’s before he got a UK passport.

  88. 88
    Myfanwy says:

    St. Patrick was Saxon or British not Iorish, even the the unmentionable one claims to be an Iorish citizen

  89. 89
    broderick crawford says:

    With a shelalaighly up me arse

    And a twinkle in me eye

    I m off to Tipperary in the mornin ‘

  90. 90

    Fuck saint Patricks ,day when I was young it was hardly on the radar, it is a recent marketing ploy of the Guiness Brewery to persuade you suckers to drink their acrid ,fizzy, keg, mass produced, phoney oirish ‘stout ‘ !!

  91. 91
    Irish Shares says:


  92. 92
    terrytory says:

    My Great Grandmother was born in Tramore – quite a nice seaside town. She left, in 1846 for the scenic delights of Newcastle’s Quayside.

  93. 93
    Darby O'Gill says:

    I rode a woman from Waterford – bejasus sure wasn’t it quicker than walking

  94. 94
    Hamish Macbeth says:

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Some bloke came back from the Americas with root vegetable that did not grow in a bog.

  96. 96
    Henry (fuck the Irish)II says:

    Err, no.
    The Irish starved because the Irish sold all the potatoes abroad and therefore the Irish starved to death.

  97. 97
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    Barracco Barner?

  98. 98
    (That's enough Eds, Ed!) says:

    You’re not alone. I was meant to hear a loud comment in an upscale Seattle restaurant that “The Brits should get out” of NI, presumably. The lout’s dining companions appeared to be mortified!

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