March 13th, 2014

Tory Wars: Boris, Gove, Osborne and… Fallon?


James Forsyth’s Speccie column this week is getting a lot of follow up in today’s papers, he reports on a blue on blue between Boris and Gove over the Education Secretary apparently telling Rupert Murdoch he sees Osborne as the next Tory leader. One minister is quoted as saying:

“Michael is licensed to sink his teeth into Boris’s ankles in a way that neither the boss nor George can.”

Another Tory adds:

“It’s like Blair-Brown with them. A journalist calls them up and says: “They’re saying this about you.” They respond with some ridiculously over-the-top-quote.”

With all this attention on Boris, Gove and Osborne, Mandrake at the Telegraph reckons one minister is slipping under the radar. Michael Fallon is holding an “open session” for Tory MPs in the ministerial conference room:

“This is the sort of thing only the PM or somebody who wants to be the PM would do. I’ve been hearing an awful lot lately about how great Michael is and how rubbish everyone else is.”

Will all due respect to Mandrake, surely this is more likely to do with Fallon wanting the Tory chairman job…


  1. 1
    Ah! if only says:

    The ex Deputy Speaker has only himself to blame. Every time Evans took over the Chair, Cameron warned that “we must tighten our belts” , and Balls changed his gesture from the horizontal to the vertical. He didn’t take the hint.

  2. 2
    Joe Public II says:

    Any of them would be better than bumsex Dave

  3. 3
    Naffoooo says:

    Who gives a lying fuck?

  4. 4
    #harrietharmanresign says:

    Has Harriet Harman resigned yet?

  5. 5
    Red alert typo says:

    Will all due…

  6. 6
    Arse fuck for freedom says:

    Today is the first day that same sex couples can register for a marriage.

    The end is nigh.

  7. 7
    Nigel Farage says:

    “I deny I’m having an affair with my mistress”

  8. 8
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, Green Nazis & other Wasters says:

    When Labour get in and steal all your savings, pensions, property, cars and other assets you won’t worry about this.

  9. 9
    Ian Duncan Shit says:

    I deny everything.

  10. 10
    Annabelle F says:

    He’s got an SS sign on his bum.

  11. 11
    Hugh Janus says:

    A pity these clowns don’t spend as much effort reducing our staggering level of debt and forget about these peurile games.

  12. 12
    Hugh Janus says:

    Would we notice if she had??

  13. 13

    Nice piss-taking letter in Graun article: Freedom of information: the blacked-out prince

    I suppose he could give the Guardian 27 pieces of paper saying

    This letter was removed by a moderator because it didn’t abide by our community standards. Replies may also be deleted. For more detail see our FAQs.

    GCHQ could also use this response.

  14. 14
    Fishy says:

    Don’t worry. It’s not compulsory.

    Or do you worry that you might enjoy it?

  15. 15
    Democracy will die...for a time says:

    Metrosexual, Liberal elite Osborne as Tory leader?

    Then the circle is squared and Heath’s dream of Britain as a state in the Federal states of Europe will be reality.

  16. 16
    Tosser Dave says:

    I’m so proud of my achievement. Can’t wait for the first bumsex married couple mincing their way out of the ceremony on prime time television.

    I’m getting an orgasm just thinking about it.

  17. 17
    Hugh Janus says:

    And words such as ‘husband’, ‘wife’, ‘widow’, ‘widower’ and so on will be eased out of our vocabulary. But not mine.

  18. 18
    Clown (Ex Swivel-Eyed Loon) says:

    I’m sure it’s a very interesting article, unfortunately it has been disappeared.

  19. 19
    V.Cable says:

    I don’t remember

  20. 20
    Gay abandon says:

    I get the impression that most of them are not satisfied with one partner or even adult partners so I doubt there will be a flood of Homosexualists wanting to tie a knot in their pink ribbons.

  21. 21
    Táxpáyér says:

    That’s irrelevant to why it was done.

    Just think, all those extra DIVORCES, that’s extra money for lawyers and barristers.

    Wonder what most MPs jobs are….

  22. 22
    Ed Millibandwagon says:

    I can’t wait…………or maybe I can……..or not

  23. 23
    Fact says:

    It’s desecrating the meaning of traditional marriage which has been one of the foundations of our society.

    K weers cannot be married. It is not physically possible. The bumsex union as legalised by Camercnut is not marriage.

  24. 24
    Imprisoned for a word says:

    Bossy is about to be a word crime.

  25. 25
    Labour said that about Lisbon...TWATS says:

  26. 26
    Samcam says:

    Dave’s got a tattoo on his with an arrow pointing to the entrance, so that N.E. can find his way when he’s pissed

  27. 27
  28. 28
    He's Champion at spending other people's money...Backed by Hague and Dave says:

  29. 29
    All the LibLabConners are responsible says:

    The fuckers are pretending that reducing the deficit means reducing the debt.

    The plebs neither know nor care. The U.K. is going bank-rupt

  30. 30
    i agree says:

    We had enough of this self indulgent crap under Labour.
    They all need to grow up and start concentrating on the
    important issues facing our country.

  31. 31
    Westminster says:

    Titanic struggle over the width of the deck chair stripes before the final shade is selected. Soon to be followed by titanic struggle over the membership of the appointments commisison for the deck chair arrangement committee.

  32. 32
    Cornish pasty says:

    Please can we have some money to dredge our
    rivers,shore up coastal defences and repair homes,
    roads,railways and businesses affected by flooding.

  33. 33
    Tony Blair says:

    I’ve still got the infamous napkin from my dinner with Gordon at Granita to remind me how I royally fucked him over. Tee-hee! Or should that be, Tee-bee!

    I’m off now to meet another nice rich dictator who’ll pay me lots of lovely lolly to help him keep those pesky anti-torture groups off his back. What is important is.

  34. 34
    Labour Landslide to Bury Tories and UKEP says:

    Tory splits

  35. 35
    Gritted teeth says:

    What will stop gays from suing people who disagree with this develeopment for not congratulating them or otherwise pretending that what many see as a blasphemous parody of a marriage vow means they are married just the same as men and women.

  36. 36
    The Public says:

    Who are you?

  37. 37
    Gerry Myers says:

    There’s a lot of commonsense in your words.

  38. 38
    Engineer says:

    Sally B?

  39. 39
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  40. 40
    Sensible Hill Dweller says:

    Dredge it yourself you feckless swamp dweller.

  41. 41
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

  42. 42
    Engineer says:

    Nah. Compared to Blair and Brown, this is just handbags at 20 paces.

  43. 43
    The Foreign Aid Budget says:


  44. 44
    The Labour Party says:

    When wesay ‘business leaders’ the Labour Party means, people who are willing to pay bribes to politicians in the Labour Party.

  45. 45
    The tit in no. 10 who delights in pissing off the floating voters says:

    It’s high time you learnt to paddle your own canoe.

  46. 46
    Diane Abbott says:

    Feed me.

  47. 47
    Quisling Watch says:

    Barroso is a communist fifth columnist who should be shot in the back of the head in a deserted field at dawn.

  48. 48
    Vince C. says:

    Who am I?

  49. 49
    was it something I said? says:

    With respect to SC this looks like Ned is proposing Schrödinger’s Referendum.

    As long as you don’t look in the box then you could either be getting a referendum. Or not.

    Wow. Quantum politics.

  50. 50
    Vince C. says:

    Shoot in the face instead, it encourages the others.

  51. 51
    BOB CROAK says:

    Is it not time Osborne took back all those billions of toy money he printed ?
    The banks were supposed to lend it to small business , but instead used it to their own ends , reaping in billions of quid in interest off it
    and because they no longer need your money , they only have to pay you bare minimum interest on it
    The banks will never up their interest rates while they have billions of YOUR money to play with

  52. 52
    The horse's mouth says:

    Fallon might have looked like a winner once but now his message falls a bit flat.

  53. 53
    Mercenary says:

    So, that’s two ‘English’ clubs out of The Champions League. The four English players must be gutted.

  54. 54
    Lord Retard says:

    We’ll huff and we’ll puff, but at the end of the day, no-one in Westminster really cares less about how decadent and cut off from the rest of decent British society we have become

  55. 55
    Some French Guy on a trawler says:

    Don’t feed the seagulls

  56. 56
    Look into my eyes, not around my eyes says:

    Typical Tory mind game trick.
    I’ll vote for the party who most closely represent my views.

  57. 57
    Winston says:

    Even Guido is a Murdoch stooge, these days.

  58. 58

    Cameron talking utter bollocks yesterday in Israel

    “A nuclear Iran is something we will never allow to happen”

    Well i bet Iran are scared shitless by the prospect of a few part time T A guys waving pointy sticks and catapults at them

  59. 59
    Me says:

    Keep looking over your shoulder.

  60. 60
    was it something I said? says:

    As long as they don’t confiscate their i-Pods.

  61. 61
    Sue Denim says:

    …to the lions.

  62. 62
    ████ 'changed my tune ' Hoon says:


  63. 63
    Myfanwy says:

    I can well imagine Boris getting very animated by this engineered block on Boris’s ambitions, by Gove backing Osborne as the future PM after Dave, I can just here Boris spluttering, “That oik, that pleb*, being backed as a future PM, Gove has been put up to it by Dave Boy I bet PHAW. Right Dave Boy this is now war big time” It might just be the time to get the popcorn out ready for the big fight, a cage fight, no holds barred. There might just have been a little of the Master (a foreign national) meddling from what I have read. It can truely be said that we are “living in interesting Times”

  64. 64
    T.B£iar - the People's Messiah says:

    I could never stand him, myself.

    Wendi, what went wrong ?

  65. 65
    Garfield says:

    Do not forget the Trebuchet.

  66. 66
    Myfanwy says:

    Why, are you worried that no one will fancy you, and you will be left on the shelf?

  67. 67
    Myfanwy says:

    *Pleb was Gideon’s Bullingdon nick name, daddy was trade.

  68. 68
    Some Nigels are very straight says:

    That would be why adultery is not a ground for bumsex divorce. Non consummation also not there but if it were would it not be as rare as hens teeth.

  69. 69
    Len McCluskey says:

    and me

  70. 70
    Myfanwy says:

    It would be plastered all over this blog, Fawkesy claiming another scalp

  71. 71
    I've had enough of you beast men says:

    I have do e nothing. On that we should all be agreed. Nothing for decades. I am just wallpaper.

  72. 72
    Tate & Lyle says:

    The 35 teaspoons of sugar in a box of cinema popcorn: Cinemas slammed over supersized snacks.
    But don’t worry all the sugar settles to the bottom.

  73. 73
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband should call on the government to abolish the telly tax, so as to ease the cost of living for the poor and squeezed middle :-)

  74. 74
    Ah! seems like says:

    Politicians are well known for putting their hands in our pockets. It appears some are not satisfied with that

  75. 75
    Tony Blair is a war criminal says:

    Why does the media and Militwat take people for fools? Of course he’d never have a referendum. He has a massive get out clause.

    He says there would have to be a transfer of power from the UK to the EU, well of course he’d just deny that any new treaty did that. We’ve seen this stunt pulled before, it’s called “tidying up some things” or “clarifying the role of the EU”

    Just like the one eyed idiot’s tests for joining the Euro, you can spin it how you want.

    Fucks me off that the public are taken for fools.

  76. 76
    Michael Talon says:

    Well, to be quite clear about this, let’s get is straight, I managed to pull off the great P O robbery without Biggs or anyone else, a few mild words in committee and soothing reassurance were all it took. Geoffrey Howe showed the way and was my hero. The public is tired of gay this and that and a period of normalcy is required.

    I duly step forward.

  77. 77
    Tony Blair is a war criminal says:

    I notice that the BBC were blaming the Tories for this, despite the fact the letters were written to Labour ministers and the Guardian have been trying to get hold of these letters for years, the BBC of course thinks year zero was in May 2010.

  78. 78
    Treacle Tart says:

    Let them fulminate. The rest of us can simply ignore them.

  79. 79
    Padded cell manufacturer says:

    As Vince’s minder, are there good and bad days?

  80. 80
    Myfanwy says:

    Mr Who, you are asking too much of these “clowns”, but like true clowns prove some amusement on this blog, Milli ought to exploit the little local difficulty or just sit back and let it all happen, Dave is still the Cons best bet, Gideon now has baggage not the most popular of people to the general electorate and Gove is even less popular than Gideon.

  81. 81
    Treacle Tart says:

    We understand what males might do to satisfy their, er, what is the word I am looking for? Perversion?

    Never mind, what I want to know is what is the equivalent description for females in all this excitement?

  82. 82
    Treacle Tart says:

    How about “redundant”?

  83. 83
    Fallon Down says:

    Michael Fallon’s more stool than chair.

  84. 84
    ids says:

    I used to be the Quiet Man you know and then, let me tell you, I roared and…. Nothing happened but I did lose my job.

  85. 85
    Engineer says:

    The well-known builders’ merchant staple ‘tongue and groove’ seems appropriate.

  86. 86
    Myfanwy says:

    You are both hired but failure will not be tolerated, if you fail the same will happen to you.

  87. 87
    Myfanwy says:

    As long as I can claim the dredging of one’s moat on expenses

  88. 88
    Pearly gatekeeper union boss says:

    Oi, leave it arrrt.

  89. 89
    Engineer says:

    ….and the longbows.

  90. 90
    EU 2016 collapse coordinator says:

    Send more money now.

  91. 91
    Funny junk mail subject headings says:

    We all get spam, including porn spam. I delete all of them, and occasionally I’ll notice some of them have hilarious subjects headings. Just a few I’ve had:




  92. 92
    Izzy Stillere says:

    No! Start at the toes and work upwards. Get in a few hungry Korean dogs to watch from a few yards away.

    … on and on all tv channels too please.

  93. 93
    Izzy Stillere says:

    Crocodiles would be preferable.

  94. 94
    uK 2016 collapse coordinator says:

    You need to create an African tinpot colony and perhaps subject to our ten per cent of course a way could,then be found.

  95. 95
    windi says:

    My back likes strong legs like mi Toni has.

  96. 96
    Izzy Stillere says:

    European clubs know the going rate for bending a referee and linespersons. Some of the decisions were atrocious. Arsene and Penguingreeny were both apoplectic watching the cheating going on.

  97. 97
    Anonymous says:


  98. 98
    Treacle Tart says:

    … and the hips too…

  99. 99
    Lord Wellard says:

    Boring, snoring Michael Fallon.

  100. 100
    Sussex Sid says:

    I thought Michael Fallon was buy being the emergency Minister for Portsmouth.Since his appointment he’s been very elusive . He didn’t even visit poorly Mike Handycock imprisoned in a
    Portsmouth hospital until Guido forgets about him.

  101. 101
    Wendi says:

    I ruv you rong time Tony and Wupert he no happy, he not ruv me no more, Deng it!

  102. 102
    Which bit of the Conservative manifesto did this get a mention ? says:

    No idea I’ll ask the scissor sisters .

  103. 103
    Fishy says:

    Why, Prescott, don’t you use your real monika?

  104. 104
    The incestious left says:

    Using the Guardian to show support for Labour policy is akin to having your best mate mark your homework.

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    “a blue on blue between Boris and Gove”
    Could this be the next LBC radio battle? After all the smoke, yet preciously little fire, has cleared from the Nigel-Clegg ambush. Imagine a world where the ‘understandings’ of ‘leaders’ could be publically stripped down to component parts. There might even be enough genuine elements uncovered, to assemble an ideology that actually works properly in the real world.

  106. 106
    I'm paid by the EU and CCHQ to smear UKIP says:

    Interesting story, and maybe I havn’t spotted it yet, but there doesn’t seem to be an obvious UKIP smear ?!!

  107. 107
    BBC - Labour Says, Labour Says. says:

    We are going to make it mandatory for ALL people to be gay, lesbian or of a minority with the latter targeted at the English.

  108. 108
    BBC Woman's Hour - really 3+ Hours a day says:

    We believe that Harriet Harmon is an ideal role model for all our young women and have constantly said so this week ad nauseum

  109. 109
    Independent + FT says:

    But we left wing newspapers are also in the frame with the BBC in supporting Labour incompetence and its dedication to economically ruin the UK.

  110. 110
    Jack Ketch says:

    Now answer me this. Does one address Mr Chris Bryant’s new wife as Mrs Bryant or does Bryant become Mrs Cranny (I kid you not, That’s his boy’s family name), does David Laws become Mrs Lundie? If (as is possible) people of this type are given titles, are their “spouses” entitled to a title of courtesy, such as “Lady” (of maybe “Laddie”)?
    Maybe they vary Mr and Mrs depending on which way round they do things.

  111. 111
    Joe Public. says:

    No mention of this in the Toady Programme this morning.
    They quoted another cartoon far more supportive of Red Ed Milibandwaggon.
    Wonder why?
    Had to turn the radio off as the Leninist diatribe was playing havoc with my temper.
    The worst was Steve Hewlett having Rushbridger on the World Service praising him for disclosing hacking (no mention of lies on Milly) and then allowing him to rant on about this government attacking the press. Unbelievable. Where is Hague and his “Foreign Office” funding going to?

  112. 112
    Jack Ketch says:

    That would be PIE in the sky.

  113. 113
    John Bellingham says:

    Barroso was a leading member of the Portuguese Workers’ Communist Party, a maoist group that was in opposition to the Cuban-Russian backed Portuguese Communist Party that gave Angola and Mozambique away to the terrorists.
    It has transpired that the PWCP was actually a creation and a tool of the CIA, so this particular Pork & Cheese is Foggy Bottom’s man–bought and paid for.

  114. 114
    Jack Ketch says:

    We have a computer generated video of an aircraft carrier that shows artists’ impressions of really advanced aeroplanes–that’ll scare ‘em.

  115. 115
  116. 116
    Howmany more times do you have to be told? says:

    Every time you try to be a clever dick/smart Alec you get it wrong…. ad nauseAAAAm

  117. 117
    Geoffrey Brooking says:

    None as good as the brilliant stuff from Phil Hammond on The Daily Politics earlier. He sounded so diplomatic he could fill Hague’s shoes tomorrow.

  118. 118
    Political Correctness gone mad says:

    Calling someone a “husband” or “wife” is now considered a racist hate crime.

  119. 119
    Every person in the UK who hates p@edos says:

    We hope so.
    And don’t forget Dromey and the rest of those p@edo loving apologists.

  120. 120
    I'm paid by the EU and CCHQ to smear UKIP says:

    It’s an interesting story, I might have missed it, but I can’t see the obvious gutless UKIP smear ?

  121. 121
    I'm paid by the EU and CCHQ to smear UKIP says:

    Ahhh… I think I’ve spotted the weak gutless smear now. Thanks.

  122. 122
    The EU facists says:

    No, no and no.

    Lets be serious for a moment, who do you think owns those rivers and levels ? And who do you think controls 70% of the laws in the UK, and who is the most powerful government in Europe.

    Yes the answer is the European Union.

    So returning to the question “can you have some cash to dredge your rivers”

    The answer is the rivers are not yours to dredge… They are the EUs now. And no you can’t have any money to dredge our. rivers.

    Now, dredging the Danube, that’s a different story.

  123. 123
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron talking bollocks in Israel….

    Have you not been in the UK for the last 8 years ?

    Talking utter shite and playing angry birds are the only things spoonface lying Dave can do.

  124. 124
    Anonymous says:

    They sound like Camerons private texts with Rebeck@h ?

    Funny old world.

    Blair shags Wendy.
    Rebek@h texts Tony.
    Tony meets Cameron.
    Cameron hires Coulson.
    Rebek@h shags Coulson.
    Cameron texts Rebek@h xxx
    Rebek@h and Coulson in court.
    Camerons brother hired to defend Rebek@h

    What happens next…

    Who goes to jail… Who doesn’t…

  125. 125
    broderick crawford says:

    “I wouldn t say it s about friendship … ” We re just soulmates when it comes to rimming .

  126. 126
    Myfanwy says:

    Yuk, are they all gay or something?

  127. 127
    A Pillar of Society says:

    Hear, Hear…

  128. 128
    Nemesis says:

    And to think that there are fucking idiots in this country that would vote for Boris as a PM. What a fucking lousy country we live in peopled by twats and idiots.

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,716 other followers