March 13th, 2014

“I Believe the Phrase was 100% Penis Grabbing”

It can now be reported that Tory MP Sarah Wollaston met with an alleged victim of Nigel Evans and suggested he contact the police. The alleged victim told Wollaston that Evans had put his hand inside his boxer shorts, at which point she told him to contact the Speaker John Bercow. Bercow said that since the incident did not take place on the parliamentary estate it was not a case for him, so Wollaston provided the alleged victim with contact numbers for the police. Another witness recalls receiving a text from the alleged victim about the incident: “I believe the phrase was 100% penis grabbing”. The defence contends the alleged victim is making his story up. The trial continues…


  1. 1
    Bryant says:

    Lucky sod

  2. 2
    david says:

    groping is us

  3. 3
    Ed Miliband says:

    I just love grabbing Balls by the balls

  4. 4
    Great British Public says:


  5. 5
    Welcome to the House of Bum says:

    Cocktastic! Welcome to the House of Bum

  6. 6
    was it something I said? says:

    Contact numbers for the police?


    Glad to be of help now fuck off out of my office.

  7. 7
    Bosun Higgs says:

    It looks as though that picture taken on Ash Wednesday.

  8. 8
    Peter Expat says:

    It mystifies me why he wasn’t quietly strangled. It’s bad enough having these poofters around. Worse are the people who ever elevated him to his position, knowing his proclivities. It brings Parliament into enormous disrepute.

  9. 9
    aurora borealis says:

    bullyballs doesn’t need to worry he’s never gonna make no.11

  10. 10
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:


  11. 11
    Ed Miliband says:

    I also love pushing my penis into The Great British Public

  12. 12
    Dodgy D. Laws says:

    People like me do that.

  13. 13
    DC says:

    More bumsex please, we are british.

  14. 14
    Hilliam Wague says:

    He can probably tell a tale or two about some of his superiors.

  15. 15
    aurora borealis says:

    Well one thing has become glaringly obvious in recent years – mp’s are attracted to the job for it’s freebies and it’s other more exotic and profitable opportunities – but what is very clear is that the majority of mp’s are not intent upon embracing public service or doing a good job for the public which is what they were elected for.

  16. 16
    Bosun Higgs says:

    Mrs Higgs likes to do that from time to time. I wouldn’t mind, but we are banned from every supermarket except Lidl, now.

  17. 17
    Sick of all of 'em says:

    …and all of these poofs and perverts paid for – lavishly – by the poor fucking taxpayer.

  18. 18
    Miss Fawkes age 6 says:

    Is it true that Indians have the smallest cocks in the world?

  19. 19
    East India Company Wallah says:

    That or look for one of those uniformed plebs
    Look for a police station
    Directory enquiries
    Google it
    If you are the owner of a penis and frequent hostelries around parliament and maybe indeed the House of Commons itself you must be deemed an adult male who should be capable of sorting matters like this yourself or are you creating witnesses as you progress to a project completion

  20. 20
    Mornington Crescent says:

    What is “100% penis grabbing”, anyway? Grabbing the whole lot of it? Is 20% (-ish…) penis grabbing just holding the bellend?

  21. 21
    Nigel's texter says:

    Can I charge my bum boy’s lubricant on expenses as the official supply seems to have dried up ?

  22. 22
    was it something I said? says:

    Savour this quote from the article….

    ‘George Osborne has an eleven-point lead in being seen as the most credible Chancellor. ‘

    Miliband and Balls. Cameron (and Osborne’s) secret weapon.

  23. 23
    Fawkes Old Chap says:

    “No Dear, you’re thinking of Cowboys…”

  24. 24
    Call me Dave Levitt says:

    Go to Tescos mate, they are always shafting the dumb goyim Brits.

  25. 25
    Mars Attacks! says:

    I am daunted by the massive cu*ts that would form a Labour Government.

  26. 26
    Fawkes Old Chap says:

    Or a passing seagull cr*pped on his head…

  27. 27
    Sir William Wayde says:

    A gentleman does not grasp another man’s knob uninvited, nor does he go to the police if he is thus inconvenienced. These matters should be dealt with in private.

  28. 28
    mustapha djinn says:

    The self serving actions of our elected rulers is the reason that African Despots are ripping the arse out of our foreign aid budget

  29. 29
    Erm... good catch. says:

  30. 30
    P.Nile, N.Vee says:

    I am also daunted by the huge cu*ts that would accompany a Labour government.

  31. 31
    Barry Shitpeas (pronounced Shapaz-it's French) says:

    Just heard that a man was found wandering on the A66 at 0520 this morning with his penis missing. Is this penis grabbing extremis?

  32. 32
    rick says:

    “The BBC has come under fire for its political bias as once again it hosts a panel discussion show stacked with left-wing figures.”

    Why is Dave so passionately devoted to the BBC – and why does the Tory party put up with something seemingly so against it’s own interests – what is it we don’t know???

  33. 33
    Straight man says:

    I really don’t care whether the allegation(s) is/are true or not, thus far this court case is risible!
    If any bugger put his hands inside my boxer shorts, I would smack him in the gob and knee him in the bollocks and that would be that. Evans isn’t even a beefy guy, so it would not be difficult to floor him.
    Unless some proper, serious allegations are made, this trial will end up making a laughing stock of the judicial process!

  34. 34
    Eric Joyce says:

    You mean lamp him?

  35. 35
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    Dear me, modded at 5.28 ………….

  36. 36
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Plod had to close the road while they searched for the right honourable member, wonder if a warning came up with a graphic, reduce speed now!.

  37. 37
    Me says:

    I think somebody did – judging by his forehead.

  38. 38
    Spartacus says:

    this is a joke right?

    no i meant the programme

  39. 39
    Tony says:

    Time the BBollock Co was. Wound up. Sell it off

  40. 40
    Silly Sally B13COW says:

    That’s Nikki Sinclaire; I’m Knickers in the air.

  41. 41
    The Speaker's Office says:

  42. 42
    M102 says:

    Did anyone see that article in the Mail this morning about notes being handed to Dimbleby telling him to ask Tories more questions than Labour?

  43. 43
    was it something I said? says:

    Pissed and walked into a door more like.

    Sounds like he’s a thirsty chap.

  44. 44
    Garfield says:

    They should publish it.

  45. 45
    Comarison says:

  46. 46
    Naughty Nige says:

    Darling, you don’t grab the bellend – that’s for sucking.

  47. 47
    Dave - cunting cunt - Cameron says:

    “looks bad”? It looks fucking awful – what a munter.

  48. 48
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The most despicable low-life perverts have taken over the Asylum (Parliament) with their lega friends in toe as well.

    Peter Hain MP has orange thigns in his back……/.

    What of Conor Burns’ Orange connections back in 2003 – back then wasn’t he was a lowly counciller at Hedge End, Southampton – looking at working his way up the greasy pole?

  49. 49
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband needs to address the woman problem in the Trades Union leadership.

    He needs to stand up to vile male dinosaurs like McCluskey,Sikorski & Serwotka and tell them they must stand down in favour of women selected from an all-women shortlist.

    Or is it do as i say and not as i do for Labour’s paymasters!

  50. 50
    Poppy, aged 4¾ says:


  51. 51
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband should call on the government to abolish the telly tax, so as to ease the cost of living for the poor and squeezed middle :-)

  52. 52
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Bercow probably said my wife does that all the time when shes out clubbing!

  53. 53
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    “Ukip leader Nigel Farage accused of hiring ‘former mistress Annabelle Fuller’ on EU payroll” (The Independent – 13.03.2014) as well as his wife.

    Farage accused of being a manipulator and bully, with a weakness for women and being a hypocrite, by UKIP insiders.

    He’ll fit right in at the Hoc – but a new broom, clean sweep, man of his word and the people.

    I think not.

  54. 54
    Blowing Whistles says:

    There is one matter that some people are forgetting – If some bloke had smacked Evans in the gob – as they ought to have – the problem being – is that the Homo Mafia ‘aided and abetted’ by their friends in the EU, the PC brigade and their legal kweer friends [Mandlebum being the placeman in the EU] would invariably end up being fucking nicked by the corrupted pigstabulary …

    The rise in the ‘protection given’ to the bumbandits was all planned …

    Because the bumbandits – do not give a flying F – for anything other than their own ends. They have been used and know it throughout history for their one eyeEdness.

  55. 55
    Justin Poofyboots. says:

    Why would someone go through the stress & humiliation of the courts if they are making it up? They can’t All be lying.

  56. 56
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Your ‘get out’ clause – “I think not” – was noted there.

  57. 57
    Derron Brown full time w@nker on Crap4 says:

    Tricky Dicky! What a perv!

  58. 58
    Max says:

    I must compare.

  59. 59
    Dressed to Kill says:

  60. 60
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    What – BW online without accusing everyone of being part of the global lizard people conspiracy.

    Wonders will never cease. You almost made a joke as well.


  61. 61
    Has any emails been leaked from Tone? says:

    If you need help, contact me.
    I have experience in these matters.

  62. 62
    Laws are made to be broken d from Tone? says:

    Is that you David?

  63. 63
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    Bloody hell – BW online and not posting something accusing everyone of being part of the global lizard people conspiracy against him.

    Wonders will never cease.

    And you almost made a funny.


  64. 64
    Lionall Gayanus says:

    Oh Dear! True or lies? Evans is finished!

  65. 65
    Labour Voting Dogshite says:


  66. 66
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    PS – As I’m not Yoda, I would have said “I don’t think” if I wanted to say that about myself.
    Or just post the usual gibberish I read posted under the pseudonym “Blowing Whistles”

    BTW – is your moniker a gay euphemism?

  67. 67
    Abba Dabba do one says:

    Money, Money, Money!

  68. 68
    Labour Voting Dogshite on my shoe in Edinburgh shitty sponsored by the BBC Charity says:

    ” The defence
    contends the alleged victim is making
    his story up. The trial continues…”

    How is Tricky Dicky going to get out of that mess! Pretend he is straight?

    Why would anyone make it up?

  69. 69
    Henry Samuel Quelch Esq., M.A. says:

    Things (signs?)
    2/10 – stay behind.

  70. 70
    West Snide Story says:

    Oh fucking hell – another of BW’s pointless circular arguments and conspiracy theories.

    Try not to make virtual eye contact.

  71. 71
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    By “Bless” I really meant c^nt.

  72. 72
    Don't give a shit about UKRAP, the Limp Dumbs or LieBore says:

    Try spit on your hand – that’s what the two Ed’s use on each other, I’m told.

  73. 73
    jamie oliver says:

    “jamie’s lesbians who used to be men”.

    basically it’s a pukka series featuring me and a bunch of lesbians who used to be men. each week i shall teach them to cook sausage related meals whilst they explain how much more fun it is to fuck women when you don’t have a cock. obviously there will be an associated cookbook, a specialized supermarket range of sausage themed readymeals and a fleet of “jamie’s dickless van dyke” burger vans. maybe keane could do the themetune for the show with me playing the drums. sorted!

  74. 74
    Mine d'Boggles says:

    OK, I give up, you win, Mr. Mod

  75. 75
    die cis scum and other deranged wank says:

    oh dear did he knock you back nikki? if you still had your knob the other nigel might have been interested… but you don’t! ha fucking ha you fucking freak.

  76. 76
    MB. says:

    Are the normal contact numbers for the police not good enough for MPs?

  77. 77
    God says:

    It’s the mark of Cain.

  78. 78
    jamie oliver's rapidly receeding punchlines says:

    oi have you done the fucking dishes yet? i didn’t become the most successful most likable chef on the entire shitting planet by sitting around on my arse all day looking pretty and if you want to be a success like me your old man that do as i do… everything i do i give it 1000 percent. like your mum for example, christ you should see the state of her minge it looks like ayrton senna’s crash helmet. i am going to be the first chef on the moon so do as you are told. fuck that cute name we gave you that was a swerve to cover up the fact i am a proper hard fucker. pukka.

  79. 79
    Liars, perverts, psychos, nonces, thieves says:

    Parliament is a freaking freak show.

    What a pity we can’t round the lot up and send them on a one way trip to Syria or the Crimea.

  80. 80
    Antony Cotton says:

    Nowt worse than a dry anus.

  81. 81
    Cleggy says:

    No, but their chickens are nothing to write home about.

  82. 82
    bercow says:

    You couldnt get your hand around my bell-end, and I’m only the doorman.

  83. 83
    bercow says:

    Cut him some slack chaps. He probably stumbled and grabbed hold of something to steady himself.
    not guilty your honour. (Watch me next week on ‘Silk’).

  84. 84
    bercow says:

    Cut him some slack chaps. He probably stumbled and grabbed hold of something to steady himself.
    not guilty your honour. (Watch me next week on ‘Silk’).

  85. 85
    Blowing Whistles says:

    i cannot odds for the interference of the NSA / GCHQ / Others – normally i type with quite a good record of grammar. Nobody is perfect [Apart from deluded lobbyised and lobottomised politicians that is of course]

    i shall do 100 lines as in:

    The EU is a fucking criminally corrupt organisation infested with criminal placeperson homosexuals …

    The EU is a fucking criminally corrupt organisation infetsed with criminal placeperson homosexuals …

  86. 86
    Blowing Whistles says:

    one sp error – sea wot i mean …

  87. 87
    Blowing Whistles says:

    You are a paid sub-agent of Lynton Crosby and The Establishment working in cahoots with one another – how much bumbanditry goes on / has gone on in the highest royal cirlces but has been concealed from the public by you lot while you preach the opposite of what Y’all practice and have done for fucking decades?

  88. 88
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Your have made an inference that BW points to ‘global lizard people’ – i know for a fact that BW has never done so in those terms – your inference is tendentious and is a pitiful attempt to make out something that is not there. Perhaps the problem is in your own mindset and thinking capacity – so kindly fuck off back to kiddy fiddling school saddo novice.

  89. 89
    Blowing Whistles says:

    By The Fucking Way – West fuck – have you read the strapline of this blog … recently?

  90. 90
    Llareggub says:

    Can you tell the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis?

    If not, would you like to come on a picnic?

  91. 91
    Blowing Whistles says:

    The current issue of that magPeye is very interesting of them legal shysters at Tower Hamlets … very interesting indeed considering … well lots of docs that i have got hold of.

    Consider this – has your local council entered into a criminal conspiracy ‘in partnership’ with your local police?

  92. 92
    Myfanwy says:

    Or is he one of those aliens on the USS Enterprise

  93. 93
    Blowing Whistles says:

    That silenceed you then you arse jockey.

  94. 94
    Blakey from On the buses says:

    The prince’s robes and beggar’s rags
    Are toadstools on the miser’s bags.
    A truth that’s told with bad intent
    Beats all the lies you can invent.

  95. 95
    Mark Oaten says:

    Could have been worse.

  96. 96
    Spartacus says:

    monster reply


  97. 97
    Nemesis says:

    Fucking bender!

  98. 98
    Penny Twerp says:

    How quaint. I haven’t hear that since I was at school.

  99. 99
    The Great Mentalist says:

    Harriet Harmskids was your best friend genitals are your favourite.

  100. 100
    Peter Expat says:

    The buggers have been getting above themselves lately. Time for a cull !

  101. 101
    Abdul Krim's bumboi says:

    what’s with this mealy mouth word ‘penis’? other than doctors, whoever calls it that?
    its Cock Dick and Prick, as all people on here, well know!

  102. 102
    Nemesis says:

    And how long ago was that? Two months?

Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,715 other followers