SKETCH: Dostoyevsky Off the A-Level Syllabus

Cameron reported a number of cautious, prudent and responsible measures to deal with the shirtless, bareback, gun-slinging psychopath with a nuclear arsenal.

Edward Miliband cautiously, prudently and responsibly urged him to be marginally less prudent and cautious, insofar as prudent responsibility would allow.

Miliband urged the Prime Minister to apply “maximum influence on allies” – up to and including the use of sarcasm.

The Prime Minister said Russian activity in the Crimea was “completely indefensible” – something the Crimean army has amply demonstrated. He also said in this grave hour, the Russian behaviour will “incur consequences”.

The Royal Family will not be going to the Paralympics.

They mean it to sting, all right. That’s a cut direct. How will Putin respond? The stakes are high. Europe is a tinderkeg.

The suspended preparations for the G8 will continue in a state of suspension. Be under no illusion: that’s not a go-slow, it’s an actual interruption. It’s a lacuna, the Foreign Office says, not a hiatus. That’s how serious it is.

Ministers won’t meet their Russian counterparts. Immigration talks will be postponed. Dostoyevsky will be taken off the A-level syllabus.

This retaliatory inactivity is a diplomatic strategy at which our world-class civil service excels.

On the positive side, a Facebook page has been set up so the leaders of Russia and the leaders of the Ukraine can talk to each other. And we in the West can only pray – ‘like’ each other too.

In the event that this robust package of doing nothing doesn’t succeed, the second phase of sanctions will start immediately. That is, immediately after Christmas.


OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID OZBOT VERSUS ANDROGENOID
“Fat Cats For EU” “Fat Cats For EU”
“CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS “CHEATED” LIBDEM PICTURED CAMPAIGNING ON BATTLE BUS
CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL CHRISTINE HAMILTON HIRED ON THE PUBLIC PAYROLL
CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE CONSERVATIVES IN: SPOT THE DIFFERENCE
HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS HULL UNIVERSITY THIRD TO DISAFFILIATE FROM NUS
CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE CAMERON’S AIRFARE FABLE
TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY TELEGRAPH BLOODBATH: NEW JOBS CULL UNDERWAY
CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE CCHQ FREEZE MPS AND ASSOCIATIONS OUT OF VOTE SOURCE
OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT OSBORNE MISSED BORROWING TARGET BY EVEN MORE THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT
POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES POLICE INVESTIGATING SHADOW MINISTER OVER ELECTION EXPENSES
TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA TOOTING BY-ELECTION CAMPAIGN KICKS OFF IN BATTERSEA
ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN ELECTORAL COMMISSION ON JOCK-‘COPTER CAMPAIGN
STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION STURGEON DUCKS CHOPPER QUESTION
NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE NUS CHIEF EXECUTIVE PAID FIVE TIMES AVERAGE GRADUATE
CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN CORBYN CLAPPED COMMIE LEADER FOR REFUSING TO TOAST THE QUEEN
SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY SNP CHOPPER NOT DECLARED PROPERLY
SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL SADIQ RAISES EU FLAG ABOVE CITY HALL
SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’ SAJ ‘PRIVATELY SAID HE WANTED TO LEAVE’
CRICK CRICK’D CRICK CRICK’D
EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME EU WANTS CULTURAL QUOTAS ON NETFLIX AND AMAZON PRIME
LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES LIBDEM WHO COMPLAINED TO POLICE ABOUT TORY ELECTION FRAUD BROKE SPENDING RULES
LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY LABOUR WON’T ALLOW CONFERENCE DELEGATES TO SELF-IDENTIFY
WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER WORST BEATLES TRIBUTE BAND EVER
CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE CELEBRITY CONSUMER CHAMPION HITS BACK AT BSE
MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM MOMENTUM REJOICE! ONLY 65% THINK CORBYN NOT READY TO BE PM
TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS TAXPAYER FUNDED ASH LOBBIED GOVERNMENT FOR PLAIN-PACKS
REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT REMAIN’S GILLIAN DUFFY MOMENT
NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM NORTHERNERS MOCK “GRIM UP NORTH” BURNHAM
LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS LONG-TERM RISE OF ANTI-POLITICS