March 8th, 2014

Saturday Seven Up

This week 117,552 visitors visited 343,618 times viewing 600,770 pages. The top stories in order of popularity were:

You’re either in front of Guido, or behind…


  1. 1
    buspisselvis says:



    • 12
      Mick Butcher says:

      Just shows the Lib Dems get run over by a bus.

      Also anyone seen the Paralympic cripple games? I caught some of it on the telly. Don’t tell me millions need disabled benefits when half of them are able to do jumps on skis if they tried!


      • 49
        It could happen to you says:

        ….Team GB has 10-15 athletes,hardly millions?


        • 73
          #HarrietHarmanResign says:

          Has Harriet Harman resigned yet?


          • Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, & other Wasters says:

            No she will face it down. This is how Labour get to power by losing all their negatives and the electorate is too stupid to notice.


        • 75
          get on your arse and get moving! says:

          Just goes to show what you can do if you try though, doesn’t it Tiny Tim?


      • 82
        Vincey wincey Cable says:

        Oh the shame, beaten into 4th place by the Bus-pass Elvis Party.

        I shall immediately resign as it is obvious my party has become a laughing stock.


        • 102
          Anonymous says:

          Vince doesn’t do shame, otherwise he would have booked himself into the nearest nursing home by now.


      • 117
        Doreen's to do list says:


        • 162
          Jack Ketch says:

          Shagging the wife of the Speaker of the HoC in the street, is not strictly a crime. Hilarious, yes. Shameful, yes. The subject of reams and reams of tittlilating tales, yes. But not a crime.


    • 26
      Why is the BBC racist when it comes to sport? says:

      I though Dave had ordered a boycott of the Sochi games? The BBC is blathering on about a blind Brit skier, so we can’t have.


      • 31
        Sochi & Sochi says:

        Labour isn’t working.


      • 37
        M­­a­q­bo­ul says:

        You thought wrong.


      • 83
        A lesson from history says:

        Cameron can’t order athletes not to compete(Thatcher found that out in 1980 when USA boycotted Moscow Olympics because of Russian invasion of Afghanistan)he can merely cancel visits by Minsietrs and advise members of Royal Family NOT to attend and anyway Channel 4 has spent a packet on the broadcasting rights


        • 150
          SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

          Mrs Thatcher was well aware that she had no power to order a boycott ,what she did was request that the various sporting bodies withdrew from the games.


      • 118
        Barry doesn't do humour says:


    • 38
      Bus pass Dave says:

      In light of recent events I have ended our coalition with the Liberal democratic party and we have reached an agreement with Bus pass Elvis to form an emergency government at this time of national economic emergency.

      Sei Mir gut, as I said to Angela.


      • 128
        Pensioner says:

        If you offer a 30% discount at br0thels, you’ve got my vote.


        • 151
          SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

          We could do with a decent one around here, the women won’t look at you when you reach a certain age ,unless of course you have money coming out of you earholes.


    • 111
      The Black Facts says:


  2. 2
    albacore says:

    Oh my, seems like no-one wants to comment
    Mind you, with Parliament so clearly bent
    On promoting owt at all not British
    No wonder no sod is feeling skittish


    • 86
      King James II says:

      Guido has become utterly routine and predictable. Not exactly in the spirit of conspiracy.


  3. 3
    liberal Democrats look foolish the world over. says:

    The week when Obama was ridiculed by an illiterate hair dresser and Nick Clegg by Elvis.


    • 4
      N.Clegg says:

      You just wait for when I stomp all over that Farage geezer, you messin’ with the MAN**

      **unusual for LDs as they tend to go for messin’ with the wimminfolk


    • 89
      Baboon's arse says:

      My hair is pretty illiterate — have you got her number?


  4. 5
    a non says:

    On this day 1965 – The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.

    And they estimate 20000 Ruskies today now in the Crimea.

    Inflation affecting everything!

    There was a time when just a John Wayne, Errrol Flynn or Sylvester Stallone with a swiss army knife would have been sufficient.


    • 104
      The most amusing claim ever says:

      I seem to recall that Hollywood alleged that John Wayne WAS in Vietnam


      • 152
        SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        Who else remembers the ludicrous song from that even more ludicrous film . I remember watching it in Germany in the company of American troops when on an exercise ,the hoots of derision and laughter from all of us ,long echoed into the night! If the only makers of that film had been there


      • 155
        Baldy Watch says:

        He was, but he forgot his wig.


  5. 6
    Phil Space says:

    Islam is the religion of peace. Islam advocates equality for all – especially the persecuted minorities. Islam is an ideology which embodies the message to fight viciously against patriarchal establishments so that women’s basic human rights are secured and respected. Islam, above all, liberates the people and most certainly does not impose brutal, oppressive regimes on its followers. Islam also believes freedom of speech is a fundamental cornerstone of any theocratic society, and actively encourages people to voice arguments which contravene the teachings found in Islam. Islam opposes unreasonable demands for women to be chaste and pure, and abhors the practice of FGM in order for women to achieve this status of purity. Yep, Islam can only enrich the fabric of Western societies..


    • 50
      Phil Spaced Out says:

      Judeism offers donkeydom to the Goy. It is an honour to be a slave to the chosen ones,
      as Geedough and Westminster can testify..


      • 55
        Blo­wing Whis­­tles says:



        • 80
          Blinkers off says:

          Do some basic research – it’s the elephant in the room.


          • Ophelia Cox says:

            If you think there’s an elephant in your room you should simply chase him out.

            Oh, I forgot, B&P M e i n K a m p f reading conspiracy theorists like you don’t actually want to do anything about your beliefs, you just like mindlessly blethering about them on the net.


    • 61
      Rama Dan says:

      Religion of Piss.


  6. 7
    Owen Jones says:

    Penic Masturbata is a font where the letters look like penises.


  7. 8
    The Guardian says:

    Nick Clegg hints at Crimea deal if Vladimir Puffin ‘drops KGB mentality’


    • 9

      Nick Clegg what a pathetic jumped up twat Putin has probably not even heard of him !


      • 16
        Vlad the Impaler says:

        Clegg who? There’s some weak cnut called Camoron from some bank-rupt little island who keeps making irritating fatuous remarks — but I’ve never heard of the LibBums


        • 35
          Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

          Once the dust has settled over the Ukraine, I will claim all the success for any positive outcome.

          If it all goes wrong, it will be Cameron and Hague’s fault.


          • Dave's Imaginary Navy says:

            As soon as I can I am sending naval assets to the Black Sea to support my friend Barroco Barner….our state of the art carrier HMS Queen Elizabeth will be there by 2020 and the Prince of Wales by 2025. I hope to have fast jets capable of flying from them by 2030.

            That’ll show the Russian we mean business


          • I believe in fairies too says:

            All done in under of a quarter of an hour. Wow, that is some going.


        • 156
          Vlad the Insaner says:

          Neither have I!


      • 24
        Vlad. says:

        Yes heard,he the the lead singer of the Lost Deposits?


    • 13
      Bus pass Elvis says:

      Who is Nick Clegg?


  8. 10
    The tit in no. 10 who loves winding up the floating voters says:

    Good morning, campers

    What a gay day, eh ?

    My good chum Vlad sends his regards and says he’s looking forward to his state visits to all the former countries currently under EU control. In fact, he’s expecting to be with us for an extended stay. He says he’ll see that my Russian citizenship is rushed through and he promised that there’ll always be a job for me. Quite the little prick-tease, our Vlad, what ?
    But listen, you all knew that already, didn’t you ?

    In passing, I’d like to offer just a word of advice to all the punters out there in [where is it ?] ‘Somersetshire’ :
    Remember that old English saying, ‘when life gives you lemons, make lemonade’ ? Since the Environment Agency has so generously loaned you the EU’s water mountain, why don’t you yokels go forth and multiply your enrichment by offering canal tours to all the flocking tourists. (I’ll come too but my time is short so I’ll have to skip the beginning.)
    Incidentally, if you don’t like catching crabs, make sure you have your bottom scraped regularly. (Me, I’m easy.)

    Must dash, got to bung another load of your dosh at some crane company that’s run into a bit of bother with the neighbours. Oh, and Herman and José will be wanting their weekly protection money, and my CP chums out in Indiah – yah, they’ll be wanting some too.
    So keep your noses to the whetstone and remember, you’re all in it together – up to your necks.

    Toodle pip !


  9. 11
    N81 says:

    Glad I took Tony Blair’s advice to shred everything!


  10. 14
    The Union Jack says:

    No black in me!


    • 15
      Traitor Dave says:

      You won’t exist after September when I’ve allowed the break up of the U.K.


      • 19
        albacore says:

        Cameron alienating core voters?
        Is there owt else at all at which he motors?
        If he’s the best that the “Tories” can muster
        They’d be better off with General Custer
        (Similarly, the Lib-Dems, their bosom chums
        Need Elvis, not Clegg and all the current bums)


    • 40

      Not like Sally


  11. 17
    Tosser Dave says:

    I’ve had quite a good week — I told Putin where to go — and the HoC passed legislation banning tiring words like “Husband”, “Wife”, and “Widow from all those boring non PC laws that we’ve been stuck with for 700 years or so.

    Can’t wait for the first bumsex marriage coming soon — I’ll get on telly to congratulate the happy pervs.


    • 43
      Bonkers says:

      “Widow” has been replaced with “woman whose deceased spouse was a man”….no joking either.

      Once they manage to convert a chap’s back passage into a womb the transformation will be complete.


    • 54
      White rabbit says:

      D’you think televised consummation should be before or after the watershed ?


      • 129
        Ophelia Cox says:

        Gay couples are not required to consummate their marriage. Only straight couples.

        Funny isn’t it? It was pushed through in the name of equality and yet the two forms of marriage are not equal.

        You may also like to know that whilst adultery is a possible reason for divorce in a straight marriage, it is not permitted as a reason for divorce in gay marriage.


        • 144
          SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

          Because the know full well that sodomy is not a sexual act ,just a vile, perverse,disease ridden parody that serves no biological function other than the gratification of the animals who indulge in it.


    • 56
      Anonymous says:

      Any wonder? The Tory Party is stuffed with old queens.


      • 62
        I Shiite-Younot says:

        As opposed to, say, the Navy, the BBC, Hollywood, any theatre you care to mention, code breaking at Bletchley, fashion, dance, football, rugby?

        But then, what have they ever done for us…. bastards.

        Or are you saying you want it re-criminilised, so that you can feel dirty when YOU do it?


        • 65
          Anonymous says:

          There’s always plenty of shite where you go Matilda.


        • 72
          the alan turing get out jail free card says:

          Oh and Galileo, Newton and Einstein were gay too weren’t they? Don’t play your thick, pink games here sausage, you’ll be squashed.


          • I Shiite-Younot says:

            So your pathetic single digit IQ tells you that everyone has to be gay or it doesn’t count as “contribution”?

            Yep – you are a count (sic)

            (NB – Newton was aspergic and spent as much time on alchemy as he did on science. do try and keep up.)


          • SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

            Contrary to popular ribaldry the Navy took a firm uncompromising stance against sodomy , in the 19th century they strung ‘em up . It is only recently that these perverts have been allowed to mince around openly on warships thanks to EU diktat.
            It is an old tactic of the present day arsehole monkeys to pick a historical figure and brand him as one of their own .


          • e = mc kweerd says:

            Er, what has Newton being interested in Alchemy got to do with anything you linpdick mincer?


          • Mike Fish-N'chips says:

            Interested, you slack jawed mouth breather? Like H1tler was a bit right wimg.


        • 166
          mince n titties says:

          from my point of view homosexuality is not the problem- it is its promotion coupled with the politically correct notion that anyone who does not agree that being gay is normal is some sort of unpleasant individual.

          there is only one thing more important that freedom of speech, and that is freedom of thought. certainly people who are gay should be able to lead their lives without fear of getting their heads kicked in at any given moment but the fact is as a percentage they equate to about 10% of the population.

          the people at the top who are promoting it aren’t doing it for the benefit of homosexuals, they are doing it to break down even further the traditional family unit and take away the rights of parents to bring up their children in the manner that those parents want to. it was the same with feminism. look at the price of an average home these days and consider would it be so high if we hadn’t “progressed” into a both parents working society- which also beget children being brought up without one of their parents being about most of the time.

          i know plenty of gay people and most of them are sound reasonable individuals- it doesn’t matter to me that they are that way inclined and it doesn’t matter to them that i am not. the majority of “them” realize what i do- that life in the uk has been in near terminal decline for going on at least the last 40 years and that they as a culture are being played as much as any other niche group.


  12. 18
    What London Games? says:

    Nobody but the host country gives a shit about Olympic games. London was a con.


  13. 20
    Owen Jones,champagne quaffing and cigar smoking socialist says:

    TV Licence Dodgers May Not Be Prosecuted, immigrants don’t pay it anyway –


  14. 23
    Abiogenesis says:

    What is the perfect temperature for the planet?



    • 27
      Red Giant Ra says:

      1000 degrees Celsius — a nice bright red


      • 147
        RetarEd Militwat - son of a red traitor, and the nest w4nker to infest number 10 says:

        Yeth – Wed as you like.


    • 162
      Jim says:

      He’s a bit late with that- I asked the same thing on the Guardian website a few weeks ago and it caused hairy shit! Wonder if my question was copied?

      For info, I was told that the correct temperature of the earth should be about 2 degrees lower than now. And they typed it with a straight face


      • 164
        Jim says:

        My Q’s;

        How much CO2 is meant to be in the atmosphere?

        What temperature is the planet meant to be right now?

        What is the correct level of flooding meant to be on the Somerset Levels?

        It’s just so I can compare what our impact is having on what the correct levels should be.

        I’m one of those unintelligent, non-scientific global warming deniers, put me right…


        • 165
          Jim says:

          And this was the answer, copied and pasted;

          What temperature is the planet meant to be right now? About half degree Celcius lower and constant would be good.

          So there you have it, environmentalists reckon cooler and constant, contrary to any period in the earths’ history, ever


  15. 30
    Bus pass for Huhne. Elvis says:

    The Liberal Spring conference, where Sarah Teather gets serviced and Vince Cable dusted off.


  16. 32
    Moishe Fawkes says:

    Another victory over the “pigs” !

    Charges have been dropped against three football fans accused of using the word “y*d” at Tottenham Hotspur matches.

    Gary Whybrow, 31, of west London, Sam Parsons, 24, of Amersham, and Peter Ditchman, 52, of Bishop’s Stortford, were accused of a public order offence.

    The Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) said the words could not legally be counted as “threatening, abusive or insulting” in the circumstances.


    • 36

      But please note, the CPS reserve the right to interpret words as they see fit !


      • 95
        Judge Dreadful says:

        They also reserve the right to avoid being losers in court and not being able to recover their costs.


  17. 33
    Barraco Barner says:

    Anyone want an ABW, free to a good home?


  18. 39
    Jethro says:

    I’ve always preferred fruitcake to pie.


  19. 41
    BP Elvis 4 PM says:

    To be honest. A bus pass Elvis government would be an improvement on what we have now.


  20. 44
    Anonymous says:


    • 135
      Ophelia Cox says:

      It would be great to see a time lapse slide show of “Che Guevara” Dromey turning slowly into Norris of Coronation Street.


  21. 48
    Chucko Mooner says:

    I am Britain’s Barraco Barner


  22. 51
    Willy Wumpers says:

    I don’t feel right until I’ve had my Saturday seven up.


  23. 63
    very important phone call says:

    maroon 5 pay phone


  24. 67
    Grandma Fawkes says:

    Young Guido’s botty needs a good spanking.


  25. 74
    Del Boy says:

    Vote Labour!
    You know it makes sense,Rodney.

    if you’re a scrounger.


  26. 81
    Mr Happy says:

    If Mr and Mrs Cameron had wanted a servant they could have chosen one of British or EU origin.

    Hypocritical arrogant and conceited spongers the pair of them.


  27. 90
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    Will Lard Rennard be at our Party Conference or has he defected to the Bus Pass Elvis Party ?


  28. 93
    Tony Blair is a war criminal says:

    Oh dear, the BBCare not happy with those evil fucking Tories wanting to stop criminalising the poor for not paying the TV tax.

    Just saw a BBC homosexual trying to pretend to be even handed in his reporting. He wasn’t. No mention that most TV tax no payers are the old, very poor and women.

    Normally the first groups the BBC highlight when the government tries to do something.

    BBC bum bandit also failed to mention you have to pay the tax even if you don’t want to watch the BBC.


    • 100
      Ed Moribund says:

      I will introduce a freeze on the length of imprisonment for non payment of licence fees.

      Its a cost of watching crisis!


    • 112
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

      Miliband should call on the government to abolish the telly tax, so as to ease the cost of living for the poor and squeezed middle :-)


    • 119
      Sapiens says:

      It’s not that there will be no requirement to pay. It just stops the feckless, vodka drinkers by noon, from drinking the £145.50.

      Bailiffs will have a field day under civil actions, about twelve months faster too. That LED 42 inch will nicely cover the fee and the ipad on the sofa their own costs, not forgetting the moby to cover the VAT.

      UKIP policy nicked Dave.


    • 125
      Ah! but says:

      I have my only TV in an unused bedroom. Double-whammy


    • 139
      scrap the bbc says:

      They’re running scared ♬ …


  29. 98
    altruism in industry says:

    I was just reading that any organism given the choice between two things; a cheap one and an expensive one, will choose the cheap one but if a third choice of an outrageously expensive thing is offered as well, the middle priced thing doesn’t look so bad and things will tend to choose that.
    This could be the role of the Lib Dems, to offer a really crap choice.


    • 105
      Bill Quango MP says:

      Also things that you already own have a greater value than those you want to own.
      So a house seller, or car seller, or Ebayer flogging off a tea towel expects to get more than they usually do.

      Lib Dem supporters are like that. They claim value to their brand and don’t realise its worthless.


  30. 106
    T May says:

    Have I resigned yet?


  31. 107
    Van Clegg says:

    Extended families for all immigrants, average 100 each, must enter UK immediately. We need them to be registered by April for elections next May as we are not going to get anyone else to vote for us, Bus Pass Elvis have shown this.

    Of course the 100 will each have 100 relatives so to cut staff costs at the borders we have agreed with Dave to open all entry points to everyone on Monday.


    • 145
      Common Sense says:

      It would be quicker for the British Embassy in Lahore to draw up a list of people who are not eligible to come to the UK to use the NHS in their old age after a lifetime of not contributing a penny to it.


  32. 114
    The Black Facts says:


    • 140
      Ophelia Cox says:

      Prison population:

      25% white
      25% asian
      50% black

      ethnic make up of UK:

      7% asian
      5% black or mixed race
      88% white


      Asians 12x more likely to commit crime than whites
      Blacks 35x more likely to commit crime than whites

      P a k i go home!


    • 143
      Someone says:

      It must be exceptionally rare for a person to be sent to prison for an offence of simple possession of drugs, no matter what class they are. Certainly not the first time they are caught.


  33. 115
    The HoC (Greedy) Purloiners says:

    Would you like more milk……???

    Paid for, of course, by the filthy stinking masses……

    We claim on everything down to the last 10th of a penny….

    Of course all within the (bent) rules


  34. 121
    To Halal or not to Halal says:


    • 130
      Sapiens says:

      And then…education upon washing feet in public toilets, standing on the bowl, not disposing of paper, opening doors with shoes, infiltrating school governors to push agendas and replace the head with a like mind, segregating children, being religious twenty four seven, head coverings, breeding levels, abuse of white girls, fgm, crash for cash, fake insurance household claims, separate laws, patrols, etc etc……..


  35. 122
    Barraco Barner says:

    This David Cameron is some sort of joke…surely?


  36. 138
    History Question says:

    Who was the last person to win one of Friday’s caption competitions and what was the prize?


  37. 160
    Barraco Barner says:

    Who is this person everybody keeps calling “spoon face”?


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