March 7th, 2014

Red Prince Will Straw: The New “Emperor of Blackburn”

Red Prince Will Straw doesn’t seem to be taking his bid to follow his father Jack into parliament that seriously. Despite fighting the ultra-marginal seat of Rossendale and Darwen, wonk Will has not yet to moved into the seat and continues to work in London. “Like father like son,” says a suspicious local resident, “his old man barely ever spends any time up here, sweeping in once a month like the Emperor of Blackburn.” Will claims he is staying with family and friends while he looks for somewhere to rent. Jake Berry, his sitting Tory opponent, is scathing: “publishing a picture* of yourself wearing a flat cap doesn’t mean you can pretend to live in Lancashire when you don’t! People round here aren’t daft.” 

*A photo of Will in a flat cap on his website has mysteriously disappeared from the interent. Above is an artist’s impression.

UPDATE: Will Straw has contacted us to say he has never worn a flat cap in Lancashire. He has only worn one in chi chi France…


  1. 1
    Mitch says:

    They elected his criminal father – they are daft

  2. 2
    Psychologist says:

    May not be daft, but still retarded if they vote Labour.

  3. 3
    Jack says:

    “Will has not yet to moved into the seat”


  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    He’ll struggle to beat Jake Berry if he can’t be bothered to show his face. Some of the people of Blackburn might love his dad but Darwen and Rossendale are totally different.

    Jake’s always tweeting photos with the locals and does seem to spend quite a bit of time up here.

  5. 5
    Silly Sally B13COW says:

    Fuck me, the Straws are ugly munters.

  6. 6

    The best I can say of him is that picture reminds me of a young Prince Charles – eyes vacant of anything approaching sentience.

  7. 7
    dai sartorially says:

    scouse for flat cap is ‘scone ‘ed’

  8. 8

    Don’t clock yourself in a mirror, Silly Sally,
    Don’t clock yourself in a mirror.

  9. 9
    A Blackburn Enriching Resident says:

    That head covering leaves most of his face and eyes showing, and where is his beard !!!!!

  10. 10
    Gorgeous George says:

    Vote RESPECT

  11. 11
    Gick Nriffin says:

    Wasn’t his grandfather a CO during the second world war – A Conscientious Objector.

  12. 12
    Graham says:

    Awful thought that the Miliband government will have three useless Hunts called Straw, Blair and Kinnock. Even worse thought that Owen Gayboy Jones and Sally the Slag could also be there.

  13. 13
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Cameron calls emergency COBRA meeting to discuss the response to Putins Facebook Poke.

  14. 14
    H@rry Dromey says:

    Murder is Mega LOLZ!

  15. 15
    aurora borealis says:

    when are labour going to put forward potential mp’s for election that are proper working class?

  16. 16
    Don't take you eyes off the road, lads.. says:

  17. 17
    Jammy says:

    Well at least they’re not toffs…

  18. 18
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Will Jack Straw have his son rendered to Blackburn?

  19. 19
    Don't take you eyes off the road, lads.. says:

    Watch to the end – not quite the BANG they were hoping for.

  20. 20
    Podiceps says:

    Where did you get that hat?
    Where did you get that tile?
    Isn’t it a nobby one,
    And just the proper style.
    I should like to have one
    Just the same as that,
    Wherever I go they’d shout ‘Hello,
    Where did you get that hat?’

  21. 21
    Sir Bentley Pauncefoot (deceased) says:

    The correct term for these talentless toddlers is not “Red Prince”; it’s “Blood Clot”.

  22. 22
    Anon. says:


  23. 23
    Labour Dynasty says:

    Move to the constituency? Why would he want to move to a deprived and grimy town when he’s probably got the postal vote in the bag already.

    Labour treat the poor as electoral fodder and cannot afford to let people work hard and get on as they’d become Conservative voters.

  24. 24
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Putin said the other day that he could understand the people of Ukraine in wanting political change. Putin said that one set of crooks had been replaced by another set of crooks.
    Does Putin understand irony and hypocrisy?

  25. 25
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    The bloke walking out of BBC question time underlines it’s a lack of housing and secure jobs fuelling anti-immigrant backlash.

    By jove,he’s right you know !

  26. 26
    Eric Arthur Blair (So prescient I changed my surname) says:

    Those who “abjure” violence can do so only because others are committing violence on their behalf.

    Cowardly Hunts.

  27. 27
    Anon. says:


  28. 28
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Arent there enough dealers in Blackburn already?

  29. 29
    Stickler says:

    Climate change expert? He’s an Oxford PPE who worked in Whitehall.

  30. 30
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Is Will clutching at straws?

  31. 31
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Coming up on the inside to the final post, is Will Straw on Wear the Fox’s Hat

  32. 32
    Will's Old Man says:

    The English as a race are not worth saving.

    MY race on the other hand…

  33. 33
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    Yet again we have a labour person telling us that energy is too expensive, but not telling us how much she would be paying. Labour are experts are at spin and bandwagons, but where is the substance.

  34. 34
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Daft hoon. missed out about additional taxes piled on cos its green and right to screw the poor, and the bits about Labour allowing mergers of energy companies.

  35. 35
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    she would……..we should be……

  36. 36
    Joss Ayinglike says:

    He looks a bit weedy.

  37. 37

    Bollocks. All three are toffs by act of parliament and rich by acts of corruption.

  38. 38

    All they can find to stand for them are the proper benefits class.

  39. 39
    Labour Londoner's taking more piss says:

    Will from London, Dad from Essex, can have the seat.
    Ed from London, Dad from ? resident London, can have a safe Northern seat
    David from London, Dad from ? resident London, can have a safe Northern seat

  40. 40
    Away Day In The Life says:

    Two useless ‘holes in Blackburn, Lancashire.

  41. 41
    Roygreensaldesiscum says:

    Is he as thick as his dad?

  42. 42
    Anonymous says:

    They could all wear top-hats and live in the Savoy Hotel – the underclass would still vote for them provided they wore red rosettes in their button-holes .

  43. 43
    Tom Catesby. says:

    ‘Looking for somewhere to live’. Shouldn’t take long then, as property prices there are a fraction of what father and son will be used to. BTW, coming from the ‘vibrant, diverse and cuturally enriched’, Londonistan, he should feel right at home in Blackburn. Will he be getting some token ferrets and whippets to go with that hat?

  44. 44
    Maximus says:

    Can’t find it.

  45. 45
    Garfield says:

    Apart from the hat making him look like a right dickhead, he appears to be shilling short of two bob. Definitely LibDem material.

  46. 46
    (I've been renamed) DA-Notice says:

    Skin up.

  47. 47
    Garfield says:

    So what that article implies is that all you need is three NVQs (PPE) to be a climate change expert.

  48. 48
    Old Historian says:

    They are daft. They will still vote him in as an MP.

  49. 49
    ss says:

    Keeps the drugs under his hat,
    makes more money selling drugs in London, will only move when he has to.

  50. 50
    Hot Gravel says:

    I haven’t seen much in the media of Dave’s crushing of old man Straw in PMQs. Northern working man Straw was “astonished” that rail rolling stock was being relocated from t’north to softy southern Chiltern Railways. Dave pointed out to Straw that it would be to the convenience of both of them as apparently Straw commutes from the Cotswold town of Charlbury, serviced by Chiltern Railways.

  51. 51

    How is it possible to be an expert on an imaginary phenomena?

  52. 52
    Old Black says:

    They named our local after our MP.
    What, the “Barbara Castle”?
    No, the “Red Cow”.

  53. 53
    The Good Old Cause says:

    Your ‘underclass’ have been kept comatose by ‘bread and circuses’ and therefore have failed in their one social function. That is to provide the foot soldiers of discontent that the angry middle class need to bring about change at the top. You have to hand it to your elite they have achieved by waste what Orwell thought only war could. They have frozen history by ensuring they now stay in power forever. Short of a nuclear war or a mass extinction event they will not be moved. Look at all the democracies (in China the process was in place almost as soon as the Communists took over) all of them now have self perpetuating elites that have no connection with those they rule.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    He will be the first of many,Kinnickio,Dromey following Benn Sarfwar the Labour Party is entirely corrupt.

  55. 55
    The Underclass says:

    We should introduce criteria for voting,income tax paid in the last 5 years,be able to speak the Engkish Language fluently,answer 5 question about how British government works,it would reduce the electorate by 20 per cent

  56. 56
    The Underclass says:

    and be able to spell English that rules me out.

  57. 57
    Archbishop of Canterbury says:

    I don’t know what you mean.

  58. 58
    The Critic says:

    Publishing a picture of himself in a flat cap is about as close as he will get to the working class. Perhaps a token whippet might add to the the ambience? Or getting his local wine bar to get some sawdust on the floor?

  59. 59
    Willy of Straw says:

    Cor blimey guvner, where’s me whippet an’ pigeons. I’m right working class I am.
    Just like me dad, and me dad’s dad. Eck by gum. They were like ferrets up a drain pipe they were. Where’s me half of bitter, pet.

  60. 60
    Look at my penis. Isn't it ... says:

    Whose the twat in the hat?

  61. 61
    BotMod Rules OK says:

    by gum, by eck, our kid

    and where’s the whippets?

  62. 62
    Unbalanced Views says:

    I think you’ll find the ‘hat’ is in fact photoshopped – doesn’t change the facts of course

  63. 63
    Dangerous Brian says:

    No poor people lining up for grub, they’re all down at the tattoo parlour before visiting the fixed odds terminals and the cheap cider shops for fags and booze.
    Might get round to popping in for a free pizza and a tin of soup for the kids if theres nothing good on the Jeremy Kyle show later (or they havent got an appointment at the body piercing arcade).

  64. 64
    Up the workers' noses says:

    Well more fool the local Labore officials for accepting them. Up the workers!

  65. 65
    Up the workers' noses says:

    Turban’s at the laundry this week.

  66. 66
    Up the workers' noses says:

    How much does a box of 650 bullets cost these days?

  67. 67
    MB. says:

    Jack Straw asked a question about Pennine Trails in PMQs. He tried to play it as the trains being sent down South for people like David Cameron to use whilst poor Northerners like him will have to be squeezed into overcrowded carriages. He rambled on so long that even Bercow got annoyed. Cameron shut him up well by pointing that Straw lived in his Oxfordshire constituency.

  68. 68
    Up the workers' noses says:

    …. is run.

    So please bugger off out of our lives.

  69. 69
    Up the workers' noses says:

    Or the pigeons?

  70. 70
    Up the workers' noses says:

    … and just for once Mr Spooker Shortarse did his job by telling Straw to STFU and sit down.

  71. 71
    Up the workers' noses says:

    …material with which to make a straw man? Just asking…

  72. 72
    Up the workers' noses says:

    R spik Engkish flewiddly

  73. 73
    Will Straw says:

    Anyone want any Charlie?

  74. 74
    Lord Jensen Interceptor says:

    How is his drug dealing business? He was making £millions as a school brat.

  75. 75
    Captn P says:

    Not daft, just stupid

  76. 76
    Captn P says:

    They come in boxes of 100. For 12G its a modest 10p a round.

  77. 77
    Such happy smiles, silly buggers all says:

    Do these people feel good inside doling out the food? Is it gratifying to their egos?

  78. 78
    He really is a tw@, one who knows says:

    On a comparability scale of 1 to 10, may I suggest a 10?

  79. 79
    Hutton is to report so ..... says:

    .. and so I had one of my show depressions.

  80. 80
    Grimy Miner says:

    He’s as thick as a Ghurka’s foreskin.

  81. 81
    Displaced Brummie says:

    And here is Will’s legendary Flat Cap Band

  82. 82
    broderick crawford says:

    lazy journalism

    randomised and suspiciously subjective

    No attempt to extricate incontrovertible facts to back up his hypothesis.

    i realise you do not understand the meaning of some of the words in this blog young jack .

    so this is another reason why your journalism school report will say

    ” 4 out of ten — could and must do far better “

  83. 83
    broderick crawford says:

    are the three bottled blondes at the front all retired ex landladies at the Rover s Return ??

  84. 84
    Nemesis says:

    Who is he?

  85. 85
    Another Wanker says:

    Has he converted to the religion of piss yet?.

  86. 86
    T Blair says:

    You mean their arseholes.

  87. 87
    James 6 says:

    Scotlands national animal is the Unicorn, says it all really.

  88. 88
    White Dee says:

    Spot On.

  89. 89
    John Bellingham says:

    Conscience Objectors in WW2 sat before an examining board. They were expected to prove religious grounds, like the Quakers who had had that right since 1757 or another valid reason. Over 61,000 claimed such a position in WW2, of these only 3000 were deemed valid. 18,000 were considered to be trying it on and ended up serving. 7000 were permitted to serve in “non-combat corps”, catering, stores and transport. A further 5000 were offered and accepted work in the Medical Corps, firefighting or farm work–the 350 who volunteered for bomb disposal work proved that they were no cowards. Only a very, very few were actually imprisoned–just 5000 during the whole of the war, as being not only cowards, but also border-line traitors. Straw senior was one of these and was only released in 1945. Jack Straw teh MP also refused to join the CCF at school for “moral reasons”.

  90. 90
    RichUpNorth says:

    I don’t know about ferrets and whippets, Straw Jr will probably convert to Islam, after the northern equivalents of Fat dee and Slag Dee have voted him in.

  91. 91
    ned ludd says:

    He looks a rate Danny. Getup.

  92. 92
    ned ludd says:

    Bloody predictive text. That should be hey up.

  93. 93
    Anonymous says:

    Those with a little time on there hands might like to read this :-

  94. 94
    Lady Virginia Droit de Seigneur says:

    Peter the poof from Islington is the ideal candidate in Hartlepool

  95. 95
    Bystander says:

    Don’t panic, nobody here in Rossendale will ever forgive Janet Anderson, better go and dress for dinner

  96. 96
    Cor Blimey says:

    Not just ANY flat cap but a STUPID one.
    Says it all really. Son of Jack man of Straw.

  97. 97
    Bystander says:

    Can I just clear something up ? Rossendale is NOT Blackburn

  98. 98
    Red Ed Milibandwaggon says:

    “Werking Class” is an oxymoron – we have moved on from those days.

  99. 99
    LabourBlist-er says:

    Perhaps he was out incognito trying to sell gear to newspaper reporters?

    Old habits die hard

  100. 100
    Anonymous says:

    Er, he was in France which Guido obviously thinks is really exotic. Read the bloody article.

  101. 101
    Anonymous says:

    Boring twat.

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    You’re probably one if these morons who thinks man made climate change is a myth.

  103. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Who in their right mind would want to vote for this wannabe self serving nobody who comes from a family that detests the English?
    If people are stupid enough to vote Labour, they deserve to live in a place that looks like a third world Asian cesspit because Labour have done naff all except build mosques and takeaways.

  104. 104
    Only Chavs shop at Tesco says:

    Of COURSE they’ll vote him in. They love the Liabore money tree.

  105. 105
    Only Chavs shop at Tesco says:

    Just like Anonymous!

  106. 106
    Sir Roger de Senseless says:

    Well, the little bugger was never going to try to get a job in the local widget factory, was he? – even before it got shipped off to Bangladesh. His old man’s been banging on about egalitarianism for so long, you know he won’t try to find a real, productive or useful job like the rest of us do (always assuming he’s capable) any more than Kinnocks sprog would. Oh, goody!

    But didn’t he get caught frying his brains on pot while said organ was still juvenile and “plastic”. It doesn’t sound or look like the kind I would like running the country, but still, the dweebs will still vote for him, I suppose, so I won’t have much choice.

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