March 7th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Face to Face Edition)


  1. 1
    Sir P S says:

    You’ve got a stain on your jacket, Dave.


    • 34
      Clinton unofficial biography says:

      “I can tell within two minutes which girls in the room want to have sex with me, anytime, anywhere, anyway”.


    • 52
      Glyn H says:

      “Look at my penis. Isn’t it tiny? What can I do with this?”


    • 84
      Gavin says:

      Please keep your mouth closed. I don’t want you to lie to me.


    • 104
      broderick crawford says:

      Dave why are you still vaunting the virtues of an open fireplace in No 10 ——– I thought London was now designated a smokeless zone since the killer smogs of the 1950s

      Yeah but Bill , i don t have to tell you — these laws are only for bthe the little people n’est pas ?


    • 123
      Anonymous says:

      One third way pos speaks to another – where is a soviet nuke when you need one


    • 124
      Anonymous says:

      one 3rd way pos looks at another – russian missile kills both of them and we all live happily ever after


    • 125
      Anonymous says:

      Why does Putin make us western leaders look so gay


  2. 2
    David Cameron says:

    I cannot keep my promises in another coalition after 2015


  3. 3
    Liar.Politicians says:

    I never had sexual relations with that man [Putin]… I only inhailed.


  4. 4

    ‘I’m a Bullshitter myself, but I like to hear a real professional at it. So I will carry on!!’


  5. 4
    Mitch says:

    “Talking to another US President”

    Only 14 years too late.


  6. 6

    Dave, you need to learn to lie like a Democrat – Barak and I have done OK.


  7. 7
    dai plagiarising says:

    some of them have got them this long!


  8. 8
    One handed typist says:

    Yeah, Dave, I always jerk off with my left hand, like this.


  9. 9
    Clinton I have not wet my self says:

    Clinton has wet himself


  10. 10
    Biased Broadcasting Corporation says:

    ‘I’m not really the Prime Minister – it’s just a perception. Ask David Aaronovitch.’


  11. 12
    Nature reserve £30m says:

    looks like Clinton’s cigar has been airbrushed out of the image


    • 14
      Monica Lewinsky says:

      Nice of you to notice. I liked Clinton’s cigar!


      • 44
        East India Company Wallah says:

        Where are your manners?
        You should eat with a knife and fork and never speak with your mouth will only stain your clothes


  12. 13
    Cap Shone says:

    Clinton: “And so Monica was sitting like this to begin with, and then she did a Sharon Stone”.


  13. 16
    aurora borealis says:

    I and tony can show you how to earn loadsamoney if you lose the 2015 election.


  14. 17
    Body Language Expert says:

    Dave is definitely the receiver in this conversation.


  15. 18
    Ed Miliband says:

    In 2015 I will be Mr Leader :D


  16. 19
    Dr Llareggub says:

    And then I got hold of Monica’s head and pressed it down, just like this.


  17. 20
    Pushing up daisies says:

    Someone who is a dickhead and someone knows how to use a dickhead, the dickhead is the one who sacks his military and tries to go to war twice


  18. 21
    Roygreensaldesiscum says:

    Yes, but what do I say to Samantha?


  19. 22
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Chelsea hasn’t scored at the Villa.

    Didn’t realise that she had in the first place.


  20. 24
    Anonymous says:

    “I will have sexual relations with your woman”


  21. 25
    Dave says:

    David Miliband? Well as well as your wife Bill, he fucked us too.


  22. 26
    Not counting the pennies says:

    Don’t worry Dave, the points you have scored allow you to do a tour of the lower universities giving speeches for $10,000 dollars, do you want to try for a higher score, to get a higher score you need to start a war and use all your countries wealth to pay for it,


  23. 27
    Graham says:

    Two arseholes together.


  24. 29
    Dave says:

    What do you mean that operation O’re is still running ?


  25. 31
    himindoors says:

    Don’t look at my fireplace!


  26. 36
    Stickler says:

    Subtext: put that in your pipe and smoke it, you Star Trek luvvie!


  27. 37
    Anonymous says:

    Bill – I left International relations to Hilary, I concentrated on interns at oral relations.


  28. 38
    Damp Seegar says:

    Dave, you need to upgrade your peedos to interns. Maggie never listened to me.


  29. 39
    Labour Landslide to Bury Torys and UKEP says:

    Bill, so how you start earning $50,000 for a half hour speech?


  30. 41
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Well prime Minister Cameron, it was real nice seein’ you an’ all, but when do i get to meet Owen Jones?


  31. 43
    Bill Quango MP says:

    And let me tell you Dave.You needent worry ’bout the future. It don’t matter if you ain’t gonna be President no more, cause the people is so dumb, they is all just goin’ to vote fer yer wife anyhow!


  32. 46
    There is only one response says:


  33. 47
    Bill Quango MP says:

    So that’s the whole deal on the table.
    We’ll take Ant and Dec in exchange for Piers Morgan


  34. 48

    No seriously, when’s the PM getting here


  35. 49
    Bill Quango MP says:

    John Travolta plays me in the movies. I could see Barry, off that Eastyenders, playing you.


  36. 50
    Dave says:

    Have you got a light Bill? The fire’s gone out.


  37. 51
    Bill Clinton says:

    To avoid terrorism in the UK I’ll broker a peace between you and the Muslim brotherhood.
    Something along the lines that as long as the majority of folks want to stay British they can.
    Now let’s talk about early release of Lee Rigbys killers.


  38. 53
    Bill Clinton says:

    Nice to meet you Gordon, I’ve heard so much about you.


  39. 54
    Surr Nob Skelpoff says:

    Bill suggests David would like to try out his El Giganti cigar, seen mounted on a wooden tripod.


  40. 55
    Bill Quango MP says:

    This Putin is real tough. But he respects strength. Like an old time warlord.
    As long as you have a strong airforce, army and navy then them Russkies won’t mess with you.

    Dave? You OK? You look a little pale?


  41. 56
    Bill Clinton says:

    Monika wasn’t the only ‘flute player in my ensemble’.

    By the way hows Samantha?


  42. 57
    Bill Clinton says:

    You had me worried for a moment there Dave, throwing faggots on the fire.


  43. 58
    Bill Clinton says:

    I’m going round to Blair’s place afterwards, are you coming?


  44. 59
    RomaBob.... working hard for you! says:

    BC: Dave, is it true Max Clifford has a tiny knob?


  45. 60
    Clinton says:

    I just don’t get it Dave. What on earth does Hillary see in David Miliband?


  46. 61
    Dave says:

    Nick would have been here too Bill but he had to go and see Elvis about a bus pass.


  47. 63
    Persona non grata says:

    The looting of Ukraine has begun.


  48. 64
    Anonymous says:

    Don’t suppose you fancy a cigar?


  49. 65
  50. 66
  51. 68
    Abiogenesis says:

    Talking to another USeless Ex- President, this time prick/arse to prick/arse, not on the phone.


  52. 69
    Yes, I would says:

    DC: Hey Bill, did you really take Elizabeth Hurley to DEFCON 1?


  53. 70
    paul collings says:

    Bill says.

    Hey Dave, i normally have a cigar between my fingers round a bout now!


  54. 76
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Bill: fucking freezing my nuts off here, haven’t you got any wood left?.


  55. 77

    Two irrelevant men have a chat by a fireside, whilst Obama and the unelected Herman Van Rompuy get on with running the US and Europe


    • 106
      Abiogenesis says:

      Two additional words required.

      Two irrelevant men have a chat by a fireside, whilst Obama and the unelected Herman Van Rompuy get on with running the US and Europe to ruination.


  56. 78
    Shit Zoo says:

    Clinton: Dave, how the hell are we going to persuade the Ugandans that male arse fucking is in their best interests?


  57. 80
    geordieboy says:

    Listen Dave as well as a sexual predator I am also a serial wanker.


  58. 83
    Stewart Leech and the rubbish magic show says:



  59. 85
    Observant says:

    Bill Clinton occupies camp David


  60. 86
    Someone says:

    Slow day?


  61. 87
    Poet's day says:

    … and you do, precisely, what?…


  62. 89
    fassbinder says:

    Look at my penis. Isn’t it tiny? What can I do with this?


  63. 90

    BC : How is your friend Rebekah’s trial going ?

    DC :”I did not have sex with that woman”


  64. 94
    Anonymous says:

    Jesus fucking christ.

    is it too much to ask that our leaders do not engage in this ‘oooh, fucking look at me, aren’t I GREAT?’ social media twatfest

    What a Hunt.


  65. 95
    Celebrity Leech Off Weak says:

    My next trick is to bring a dead child back to life with a few celebrity vultures at the BBC!


  66. 96
    Dusty Bin says:

    Tedious celebrities!


  67. 97
    Dark Ops says:

    Bill Clinton: “Just between us, Dave.

    “Barraco Barner is being lined up to become EU president when Hillary takes over as POTUS. We’re fiddling the paperwork now. Just have to tweak his ID & background a bit.

    “The only other person I’ve told is my beautician in Blackpool — the one that looks like Monica.”


  68. 98
    Robbie says:

    so what do you think of the situation Mr Miliband?


  69. 99
    Useful alibi says:

    The lecture circuit works fine for has-beens like us, Dave.

    Best of all though, it throws Hillary off my trail. I spend most of my travels mentoring interns between speaking engagements.


  70. 101
    Bill Clinton says:

    “Ah’m deepleh sorreh to seh it Dave – but that Vlad Pootin, heh, he sure is spankin’ y’all over a barrel on gas. Man, get frackin’!”


  71. 102
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Clinton: ‘Whatever happened to that guy Bron… Brown… You know, the strange guy?’


  72. 103
    Anonymous says:

    Cameron really isn’t very bright at all is?

    Complete lack of self-awareness at all levels.


  73. 107
    BotMod Rules OK says:

    no winner?


  74. 108
    Bill says:

    Waal Davey, I told Monica that dinner was crap, that I had sent out for a pizza and that while I smoked a ceegar she should sack my cook. After all the hassle i will never spash out on a dress for her again.


  75. 109
    Zippy says:

    BC: “Where’s Jeffrey?”


    • 111
      Bungle says:

      DC to BC: “He’s found a 20 billion pound black hole at the end of the rainbow, George.”


  76. 112
    The Silver Shagger says:

    You see Dave you have to be really carefull, apparently and as an American, I have trouble getting my head around this, your spunk contains your DNA do you not think that is incredible and very dangerous!

    Oh by the way, I love that hypocritical NuLiebor law you are trying to push through making it Illegal to buy sexual services, nice one!


    • 113
      Cohibo Robusto Bill says:

      As a cigar man, listen and learn Dave, if you’re gonna use it as a dildo, remember which end went in, do not under any circumstances use it as a double ender otherwise you end up with a tricky situation, it either tastes a bit iffy or the f****r just refuses to light up!


    • 114
      Bunga Bunga Bill says:

      Jeez Dave what were you thinking! the fireplace, the chairs and that carpet, f*****g awful taste, I think you need a Walmart or something!


  77. 115
    Celebrity Leech vs Political Parasites says:

    A Labour luvvie with too much time on his hands! Ffs. Yawn!


  78. 116
    My Name is Bill and I'm a Headcase says:

    What do you think of my limp wrist, Dave?


  79. 117
    Celebrity Leech with a dusty bin! says:

    I am watching Patrick Stewart’s new film called the Leeching Luvvie with a box of arswipes in my hands. Stewart is so full shite.

    Garbage Gaybo Tricks via BBC sponsored by Dusty Bin!


  80. 118
    Dustbin Hoffman says:

    Did Patrick Stewart win an oscar for playing the role of a Dustbin?

    Sing-a-long. Everybody! 3-2-1.

    “My old man’s a dustbin. He wears a dustbin’s Hat. He wears old binlined trousers and lives outside a council flat”

    Superb! Standing ovation from the deaf & dumb actors society.

    ©dustybinsbinliners. Sponsored by keep Britain tidy.


  81. 119
    Ben Kingsley. says:

    No! I am not Patrick Stewart the Labour Luvvie who votes Labour and then lives in Los Angeles. Patrick Stewart who insists the government gives him a bus pass, winter heating allowance to heat his fifteen mansions and free tv licence for everywhere he lives.

    Celebrity Leech Off The Weak!


  82. 121
  83. 122
    Anonymous says:

    So what did Monica Lewinski find when she went down on you?
    Tony Blair’s feet hanging out me asshole


  84. 126
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest (Face to Face Edition)”
    I did not gift democracy, (majority rule), to those people.
    Me neither, Mr. President.


  85. 127
    Kim J Styles says:

    Never trust someone to agree with you and keep quiet David – coalition partners are like women They only keep quiet until they have to wriggle out of something


  86. 128
    Anonymous says:

    So my mistake, Dave, is that I didn’t burn that dress.


  87. 129
    Bubba says:

    Don’t worry, Dave, I don’t mind a little pussy in my office.


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