March 6th, 2014

Workplace Bullying in Miliband’s Office

Readers will remember Torsten Henricson-Bell, the Miliband adviser who famously misdirected a revealing email about Ed Balls being anightmare to a Tory MP. Things haven’t gone much better for Torsten since fellow Miliband aides discovered a student dalliance he had with the Young Conservatives.

They have affectionately nicknamed him “Tory Bell-end”.


  1. 1
    A measured post says:



  2. 2
    Max Clifford says:

    I have a small bell end


  3. 3
    Jack Dromey says:

    I prefer a big black bell-end.


  4. 4
    still walking into darkness says:

    So a bloke who is saying he should be PM is being advised by a teenager. Is it me or is the world just turning sadder by the day?


    • 5
      The Almighty says:

      You know what the problem is?


      A flawed concept.


    • 11
      jgm2 says:

      Ned Balls and Ned Miliband were, in their turn teenage ‘advisers’ to Labour MPs.

      It’s how things are done now.

      Professional politicians with absolutely no outside work experience ‘feeling your pain’, ‘responding to their constituents’, ‘one nation-ing’, empathising with ‘hard-working families’ etc et-fucking-cetera.

      Or, as we in the real world call them – C*U*N*T*S.


    • 12
      Tom Catesby says:

      What possible advice could this kid give to anybody?


    • 69
      Gooey Blob says:

      To be fair, Ed Miliband doesn’t look much older. They both look like sixth-formers.


      • 76
        Observant says:

        He looks more intelligent than Ed, mind you so does dog shit.


        • 83
          Spartacus says:

          We have all misunderestimated Torsten Henricson-Bell age 14 3/4

          Blond and bright, he left a safe job as a Treasury economist to join Labour, becoming Ed Miliband’s chief economic adviser and private office head. “He doesn’t talk Balls,” says an approving observer. Dispatched to HQ to take charge of policy, he keeps party and leader closely entwined.

          strategic leadership, greater effective integration, effective relationships, stakeholders, regular horizon scanning <==!, key performance indicators,
          Band: 54

          Proven track record of success in project management, through the complete project life cycle, preferably in complex situations

          Proven experience, presence and impact, adaptable, quick thinking, action oriented

          Nothing on the environment or health and safety though.
          His father used to fag for my father at eton – sign him up.


  5. 6
    Garfield says:

    Strange but looking at his photo you would swear he is a libdem.


  6. 7
    On reflection. says:

    Well Labour have to move on or get counselling. They are obviously too weak to get over it!


  7. 8
    M­­a­q­bo­ul says:

    Call me old fashioned but why are these “advisers” so fucking young?


  8. 9
    Tom Catesby says:

    Why are they picking on this sixth former?


  9. 10
    Tony Blair says:

    Any murderous dictators need my consultancy services? I’m happy to help on any issue, whether it’s those pesky anti-torture people or if you need my oil contacts. I’m here to help and my rates are very reasonable, if you’re a millionaire that is. Let’s do business.


  10. 13
    Auntie Duggan says:

    Torsten,Tristram,Toby and Chukks horny handed sons of toil,they may be bellends but they are our bellends,up the workers.


  11. 14
    Reconnected Cable says:

    Vince Cable has upset teachers by saying they have no experience of the real working world. By jove, he’s said something sensible! Drinks all round. Put it on Bill Quango’s expenses tab.


    • 19
      Garfield says:

      The stupid thing Vince Cable has no experience of the work place, the limpdems will say he worked for shell. That was about thirty years ago for a couple of years, then the order of the boot.


      • 24
        M102 says:

        I worked for Shell twenty years ago for a couple of years. Duties included serving customers and emptying the tokens out of the air line. :)


  12. 18
    Steve Miliband says:

    What all of them?


  13. 25
    The Bearded Lady says:

    I didn’t watch but I understand that Sarah Brown was on BBC Breakfast this morning showing off about how much charidee work she does for poor people around the world. I’d have asked her why she doesn’t give some of the hundreds of thousands she and her contractual husband claim on expenses to those charities instead of living it up at public expense flying first class everywhere. Truly repugnant woman. I thought we were done with these two c-unts when he got kicked out of office. Every two weeks one or both of them pop up to tell us about their latest humanitarian endeavour. That’s, of course, when Gordon isn’t busy writing letters to the press complaints commission about every article written about his grubby antics.

    I bet the slimy cock stands again for parliament next year just to rub our noses in it, and the mongs in his constituency whom he’s ignored will line up to vote for the stinky breath twat.


    • 28
      jgm2 says:

      Guaranteed. Brown will stand in 2015.

      For three reasons

      1) It’s easy money for ZERO work PLUS expenses, free airport parking and pension contributions

      2) Because while he’s in parliament he can keep a lid on any revelations about what he knew and when as regards his economic clusterfuck


      3) because, in his fucked up head, if Labour win in 2015 then his economic genius will be back in demand and Miliband et al will be begging him to become chancellor again. Lead us oh great one. Tell us what to do.


      • 37
        The Bearded Lady says:

        Agreed on first two points but the third is very doubtful, as Brown has a massive ego and I can’t see the slimy prick going back to being chancellor, having been prime minister briefly.


        • 43
          reality cheque says:

          Pushing the missus on bee Hunts one today, usual stuff , helping poor poor Ghanaians to our dosh.


        • 46
          jgm2 says:

          In his fucked up head he’ll pull the same stunt again. Accept the job of chancellor and then spend all his time undermining his boss and eventually force Miliband to quit He’s done it before so he’ll be much more efficient this time. In his fucked up head.


    • 72
      Not My Fault says:

      Don’t hold back. Say what you mean, you’ll feel better for it.


  14. 27
    jgm2 says:

    It’s just a guess but I’d be surprised if young Torsten (Thor) Hyphen-Blowjob didn’t benefit from a private education.


  15. 30
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband should call on the government to abolish the telly tax, so as to ease the cost of living for the poor and squeezed middle :-)


  16. 35
    Steve Miliband says:

    So when will working class hero Torsten Henricson-Bell get a safe in Grimtime up the Mine


    • 41
      jgm2 says:

      Torsten Henricson-Bell

      That’s his competition name. I bet his stable name is ‘Thor’ when he’s having tea with granny.


      • 85
        SleeplessInKirkcaldy says:

        He could be a pedigree labrador with a name like that


        • 115
          Barbara Woodhouse says:

          Nice – but he’s still got some way to go before he reaches the stellar canine heights of Ffiona of Ballybunion the III.


      • 148
        My brain hurts... says:

        The God of War rode out one day
        Upon his favourite filly.
        “I’m Thor!”, he cried.
        His horse replied, “You forgot your thaddle thilly”.


  17. 36
    reality cheque says:

    New system of placing investments and business from today: anyone with an Indian call centre will lose my accounts, I do not wish to deal with parrots reading from a script sending dunce replies while some outfit pockets my “service charge”.



  18. 44
    Ed Miliband says:

    Double barreled names are so in vogue.

    Len says I should change my name to Edward Foreskin-Drawback.


  19. 45
    Liam Byrne says:

    When i heard staffers yelling out “Tory Bell End” I thought they meant me.


  20. 47
    Owen Jones,champagne quaffing and cigar smoking socialist says:

    Money talks,bullshit walks !


  21. 49
    Spad Union says:

    Bloody Scandanavians, coming over here taking all our jobs. I blame Borgen


  22. 51
    Noam Chomsky says:

    That’ll learn im to fuck with Flashman of the Fifth (Column)


  23. 52
    Anonymous says:


  24. 57
    schmatter bell end says:

    Oh vey. Esther, feel this love….s.w..oo.n.


  25. 64
    schmatter bell end says:

    Ste Laurence, blah, ste Laurence, blah, bh, bl, bla, blah……zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


  26. 71
    C O (Ξ6) says:

    R-Fed are sending out confused signals about US sanctions and how they will react. The amount of damage US can inflict directly on R-Fed is in any case limited, as is the damage R-Fed can inflict on US.

    AFP are reporting schizo message from K’remlin that they will reduce to zero economic dependence on US:;_ylt=AwrSyCVd_hVT7BUA4C3QtDMD

    Little noticed recently (by AP) were the economic numbers from the US the other day. Not looking particularly good:


    Of note though: R-Fed only holds about $162 bn of US Debt despite claims they have over $200bn


    Refusal to pay back investment loans could have an effect on the CDS market depending on contract wording. That likely poses largest risk for European re-insurers.

    Primary income stream for R-Fed is from Oil.

    NB: Reason why US is currently looking to NATO, G7, sanctions and use of the Magnitsky act (visa restrictions) is because punitive measures through UN / OSCE are fruitless due to R-Fed veto. This is compounded by Ch!na which is sending mixed signals about it’s position on U situation.

    This is an example of black K’remlin propaganda being put out as part of apparent effort to undermine US:


    Article published in S’pains La Republica which states that Ch!na threatens to sell off US bonds and demand settlement in G’old if US does not change position on U.

    Example of how deza (disinformation) can be spread in Latin countries.


    • 91
      Ascii Arse says:

      Little damage that US or R-Fed can do?

                                ____/ (  (    )   )  \___
                               /( (  (  )   _    ))  )   )\
                             ((     (   )(    )  )   (   )  )
                           ((/  ( _(   )   (   _) ) (  () )  )
                          ( (  ( (_)   ((    (   )  .((_ ) .  )_
                         ( (  )    (      (  )    )   ) . ) (   )
                        (  (   (  (   ) (  _  ( _) ).  ) . ) ) ( )
                        ( (  (   ) (  )   (  ))     ) _)(   )  )  )
                       ( (  ( \ ) (    (_  ( ) ( )  )   ) )  )) ( )
                        (  (   (  (   (_ ( ) ( _    )  ) (  )  )   )
                       ( (  ( (  (  )     (_  )  ) )  _)   ) _( ( )
                        ((  (   )(    (     _    )   _) _(_ (  (_ )
                         (_((__(_(__(( ( ( |  ) ) ) )_))__))_)___)
                         ((__)        \\||lll|l||///          \_))
                                  (   /(/ (  )  ) )\   )
                                (    ( ( ( | | ) ) )\   )
                                 (   /(| / ( )) ) ) )) )
                               (     ( ((((_(|)_)))))     )
                                (      ||\(|(|)|/||     )
                              (        |(||(||)||||        )
                                (     //|/l|||)|\\ \     )
                              (/ / //  /|//||||\\  \ \  \ _)


      • 109
        C O (Ξ6) says:


        That option is on the table.

        It might be better for the US to consider attacking R-Feds largest trading partner to do damage first.

        That would involve targeting the EU.


        • 152
          Smorgers Bored says:

          What a good idea – especially those tossers in the Berlayment Building. No need for nukes, a couple of truckloads of high explosive and 2 suicide bombers will do nicely. Once they are out of the way, the rest of Europe can settle down to normal trading activities with everybody else.


  27. 74
    Frightened of Westminster says:

    Stop slashing animals’ throats in ‘ritual’ slaughters for halal and kosher meat, says new leader of Britain’s vets

    Read more:

    Ooooooh… They might get annoyed with us. No can do. Halal for all, like it or go veggie.


    • 89
      jgm2 says:

      Tricky one this for the bedwetters.

      On one hand the urge to bend over and take it from the Religion of Peace is firmly ingrained in bedwetter orthodoxy. On the other hand the bedwetters weally, weally, weally care, cwoss my heart and hope to die, about cute ikkle animals.

      If the I’raq War/Fox-Hunting face-off teaches us anything it is that killing 500,000 I’raqis in a completely manufactured war is trumped by saving several hundred cute ickle foxy-woxies as evidenced by the fuckers voting Blair back in even after he’d killed all them arabs.

      This one is too close to call.


      • 107
        Anonymous says:

        Denmark has just banned Halal and Kosher ritual alau


        • 108
          non taxable pikey says:

          Bloody touchscreen. Denmark has just banned Halal and Kosher ritual slaughter. They do good cartoons as well


          • Smorgers Bored says:

            try again:

            If the muzzies and the {inhabitants of Stamford Hill and Golders Green} don’t like it, they can all effoff back whence they came.


    • 92
      Worse than Fox Hunting says:

      …..Re- Vet; I wonder how long he will keep his job,or,issue a statement saying “It has been taken out of context.”


      • 125
        Frightened D@vy of downing says:

        We shall be checking his probationary contract period this evening, this should not have happened. How can I visit the ME now. Priorities dear boy, priorities.


      • 154
        Smorgers Bored says:

        Long past time that somebody who can actually stood up against this barbaric practice. All power to his elbow.

        We’ve all got to eat, but there is absolutely no need for unnecessary cruelty to the animals concerned. We are supposed to be a civilised society – but that seems to have changed since the stealth invasion engineered by Bliar and his crooks.


  28. 75
    One of the dirty 'macs' brigade says:

    It seems that some people with small penises knows how to manipulate, lie and get what he wants we’re told.


    • 155
      Smorgers Bored says:

      .. which explains why they all seem to own Rollers and other very expensive 4 x 4 s


  29. 79
    Steven Fry says:

    Oh, would you look at that.

    He’s going on my ‘Fantasy Eton Fag 2015′ calendar.


  30. 80
    Frightened D@vy of downing says:



  31. 86
    Frightened D@vy of downing says:

    “Intensely relaxed to mass immigration” Vince the no longer convincer means the old sod must now be taken outside.


  32. 88
    Mark Wouters says:

    Sovietsalami63 Here,
    So Mr Milliband wants to let people have the right to die at home ? ,WELL UNDER THIE FASCIST GOVERNMENT PEOPLE ARE ALREADY DYING AT HOME through Welfare benefits CUTS ,or hasnt he Notived yet ,?How long will it take him to notice???


    • 93
      jgm2 says:

      It was so much better under Labour. You had the right to die in a hospital corridor or, if you’re really lucky, in a hospital bed from dehydration just out of reach of a vase of flowers. You c*u*n*t.


      • 100
        A measured post says:

        Glad you’re back! Missed the punchy retorts.

        What about those waiting lists to get on waiting lists to get on waiting lists? Chances were you would be dead well before you got to the top of the original list.

        Another example of shyte-Labour caring-sharing socialism in action.


  33. 95
    jgm2 says:

    It means we can now put a face to ‘Jimmy’ though.


  34. 97
    Oy Vey ! The curse of Cameron says:

    David Cameron’s planned visit to Isr*el appears to be doomed for a second time due to an Isr*eli Foreign Ministry strike.

    Mr Cameron cancelled his first official trip to Isr*el as Prime Minister last month to remain in Britain to monitor the effects of the severe flooding.

    Knesset speaker Yuli Edelstein suggested earlier this week that the trip had been rearranged, with Mr Cameron expected to address Isr*el’s parliament on Wednesday.

    But that now seems unlikely, after a year-long dispute between the Isr*eli Foreign Ministry and Ministry of Finance escalated.

    It threatens to scupper Mr Cameron’s travel plans, and allow Labour leader Ed Miliband partially to steal the limelight when he visits the country next month

    Get in there Ed,my son.


    • 124
      Frightened D@vy of downing says:

      All that lovely weather going to waste, still willie gets the U excursions, arf, arf. Leave Ester out of your strap.


  35. 98
    Ed Moribund says:

    I am going to tell Dave I back him in a war with Russia.
    But at the last moment I’ll change my mind and call for a peace vote.


  36. 99
    Out & about with the Labour voting Dugshite in Edinburgh shitty says:

    Back to the noughties.


  37. 101
    That is all Labour are good for. says:

    Bullies and morons. Nothing else.


  38. 104
    The Ebay page of Sarah and Gordoom McBrown says:

    For sale.

    Ipad 1
    Ipad 2
    Ipad air
    Ipad mini
    Ipad 4

    All unused and still in original box with original John Lewis receipts.


  39. 105
    Ed Minitodger says:

    Polish my chipolata!


  40. 106
    Labour are back to the noughties says:

    Tony Blair is the new heir to Labour. Kerrching.


    • 116
      Roses are red , so is Ed, roses smell nice says:

      He’s just making sure the family have a first class route to the taxpayers trough, sprinkle a few pennies into the wishing well and hey presto another MP in the family, probably want’s his cat as an MP, so long as it has a red rosette on then kerching.


  41. 111
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Yvette Copper has said that the police spying on the Lawrence family was completely wrong.

    Well thanks for pointing that out to us, luv. We thought it was completely acceptable to try and discredit witnesses and be corrupt.

    But now you’ve said it WASN’T ok, well, we can see that. Thanks again for explaining it to us as if we were all 4 years old.


    • 119
      Frightened D@vy of downing says:

      Akin to an Indian call centre level. All hunts.


    • 156
      Smorgers Bored says:

      But what if that family had been under suspicion of terroristical thoughts? Would that change things ever so slightly, perhaps, maybe, er….


  42. 113
    EU to me says:

    Camoron on about letting people determine the countries future, how about Britain your lieing, twisted Prime Minister of Britain and not of any other country, you can use Google to translate if you need to Camoron, 2015 not long to go, then you go, even if we have to suffer a year or so with the Liebour lunatics back in .


  43. 114
    Economist says:

    It is entirely possible that without the Stephen Lawrence jobs creation industry, we would still be in recession.


    • 122
      Anonymous says:

      There Is Nothing Like A Dame!, nothing in this world,
      We’ve got sunlight on the sand. We’ve got moonlight on the sea. We’ve got mangos and bananas we can pick right off the trees. We’ve got volleyball and ping-pong and a lot of dandy games. What ain’t we got? We ain’t got dames! We get packages from home. We get movies. We get shows. We get speeches from our skipper and advice from Tokyo Rose.

      Read more: South Pacific –


    • 126
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      ♪♪♪♪♪ There Is Nothing Like A Dame!, nothing in this world,
      We’ve got sunlight on the sand. We’ve got moonlight on the sea. We’ve got mangos and bananas we can pick right off the trees. We’ve got volleyball and ping-pong and a lot of dandy games. What ain’t we got? We ain’t got dames! We get packages from home. We get movies. We get shows. We get speeches from our skipper and advice from Tokyo Rose ♪♪♪♪♪.


  44. 118
    Max Clifford is goin down says:

    There’s somethign beautiful about a man specilaizing in prurience peddling of other people’s sex lives now being doen for abuse and fiddling. Put him on the nonce wing at Belmarsh so he can get spat at on a daily basis.


  45. 120
    BBC doll observations says:

    The ‘average’ doll v Barbie. Well if we consider Guido we get a HIPPO.


  46. 127
    Confused Medic says:

    Is Torsten growing a pair of tits just below his eyes?


  47. 128
    Frightened D@vy of downing says:

    Golly, the world is a bit of a rough old place, what.


  48. 130
    A seat at the top table says:


    • 131
      Camoron says:

      I propose we give 10 trillion to Ukraine.


      • 135
        Blue Peter Goldfish says:

        Dear mr Cameroon, my neighbours have been causing bother recently and have threatened to vandalise my central heating gas pipe, can you please send me a lot money?, (worth a try).


        • 138
          Diving deep says:

          Dear BPG, of course we will help you, oh, can you wait a minute someone on the other phone, hello BPG sorry about that but your neighbours appear to have more people phoning in to complain about you, so we gave them all the money, sorry.


      • 137
        EU to me says:

        I propose we save loads of money and god help us if things go wrong, bodybags, by staying out of what is definitely none of our business, the EU comrades started the problem, let them sort it out, 2015 is getting closer, so is the pretend EU vote.


      • 141
        Never mind the invasion, feel the enrichment says:

        I propose that we give 10 million of our immigrants to the Ukraine.


        • 144
          Anonymous says:

          perhaps 50 thousand million quid towards their space project


        • 159
          JH-230912384590231-1 says:

          It would certainly de-polarise their Balkanised ethnic tensions.

          Make it multi-polar. Much more enriching.


  49. 140
    ed working class hero milliband says:

    When I read this headline I thought this kid had been giving ed chinese burns and wedgeys


  50. 142
    The population of Edinburgh has neither the wit or intelligence to change a light bulb. They are double dim leeches! says:

    Labour are stuck in 1984. There is no future with Labour!

    Vote Labour & Get No Hopers!

    Vote Double Dim Jim. Labour MP for that unenlightened shithole otherwise known as Edinburgh shitty.

    Same Auld Tripe! Same Auld Labour! Boring!


  51. 143
    A stupid Auld leech in Edinburgh shitty. says:

    For No hope – No Future with Labour.

    For a miserable old bag going round in circles Vote Sheila Gilmore MP. Your local miserable Labour MP. Going nowhere!

    What year is it?


  52. 145
    Strenuously Vituperative says:

    Torsten is staggeringly bright, a nice chap (if appallingly young, granted), and would be an adornment to any Cabinet. There, I’ve said it.


  53. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Look it’s dave,


  54. 161
    Cato Street Conspirator says:

    Torsten Henricson-Bell… makes you weep, doesn’t it?


  55. 163
    Graham says:

    Miliband seems to have a lot of adolescents among his assorted SPADS. Probably includes Owen Gayboy Jones.


  56. 164
    Sudent Jokes R Us says:

    Newly ex-Virgin Chest-Beating Classics Student: I am Thor!

    Bashful Newly ex-Virgin Girfriend: I’m thor too. But I’m thatithfied!


  57. 165
    Student Jokes R Us says:

    Bloody Lenovo keyboard!

    Student, not Sudent. Girlfriend, not Girfriend.


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