March 6th, 2014

Why Has Owen Paterson Really Been Off Work?

Every morning CCHQ sends its MPs and staff a media monitoring summary of the day’s main news events. There were more than a few raised eyebrows when this morning’s briefing landed in Tory inboxes:

Must have missed that one…


  1. 1
    A measured post says:

    Kill Bill


  2. 2
    Judge Led Inquiry 2: Electric Boogaloo says:

    A judge-led public inquiry will be held into the work of undercover police following a review into the Stephen Lawrence murder investigation.


    • 6
      Load of balls says:

      More fucking inquiries…..


    • 11
      Ed Moribund says:

      How did Theresa May arrive at this decision to hold a judge led inquiry?
      We need a judge led inquiry to look into the growing number of judge led inquiries.


      • 18
        Caroline Bint says:

        We need a judge led inquiry into your comment that we need a judge led inquiry to look into the growing number of judge led inquiries.


        • 22
          Rachel Reeves says:

          I’m on Question Time tonight.
          I’ll be calling for all sorts of whacky shit to be implempented.
          Honk … honk honk honk..


    • 27
      Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

      Racist – would we be bothering now if he had been white?
      are we expecting that one day we will be able to bring him back from the dead?
      Will his mum one day be made queen?
      sometimes you just got to move on.


      • 40
        SIZE 14 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        The whole thing would have been relegated to the foot of page 4 in the papers in a 2 inch deep column, by now it would have been long forgotten.


  3. 3
    Harry Dromey says:

    Bet on the outcome of the Oscar Pissedorious murder trial! It’s Mega LOLZ!


  4. 4
    H*rry Dromey says:

    Bet on the outcome of the Oscar Pissedorious murder trial! It’s Mega LOLZ!


  5. 5
    Third time lucky - bee comment says:

    fųrthėr sígns ōf á dėgėnėrátė sōcíėty

    hōmōsėxųál márríágė
    á míllíōn ōdd pōųnds tō lōōk át bėės
    5 míllíōn tō ínvėstígátė thė ėffėcts ōf sųgár ōn án ōbėsė nátíōn

    ōh, whílst hálf thė wōrld ís lívíng ōn ōnė dōllár á dáy, í’m mōrė nōblė thán yōų bėcáųsė í ám bláck ánd á vėgán.

    sėė hōw thėy hávė pųt thė prícė ōf ōrgáníc grōwn pųlsės ųp tō ōvėr ėíght pōųnds á kílō . . .

    glád í’m mōrė ōr lėss gívíng ųp wōrk, ánd hėncė páyíng mōrė ōr lėss, nō dírėct táx tō thėsė pųntėrs

    (Í wōndėr íf thė mōdbōt wíll lėt thís páss? – gųėss whát, it’s alive and deleting – I feel your pain Jimbo)


    • 8
      Alan Duncan, Crispin Blunt, Nigel Evans, Margot James, Daniel Kawczynski, Derek Laud, Mike Portillo says:

      No homos in our party, duckie! Just straight butch heteros like us.


  6. 10
    Mitch says:

    Can’t Conservative M.P.’s check the BBC themselves?


  7. 12
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:



    • 23
      Polly Pot says:

      Cable was close to beating my record of being wrong 100% of the time.
      But now he’s said something that is correct. Even if he said it by accident.



      • 43
        The tit in no. 10 who delights in pissing off the floating voters says:

        Is Vince Cable a teacher too then ? I’ll set Gove on him at once.


    • 31
      Paniagua V5.1 says:

      Much as I dislike the pratt, he is on this occasion correct.


  8. 14
    Mitch says:

    So, M.P.’s claim vast expenses for TV’s; iPADS; Sky subscriptions; Media advice; etc. but they don’t know what’s in the news?


  9. 16
    Betty Badger says:

    He killed my family.


  10. 17
    Anonymous says:

    That Owen is a dark horse,who did he kill this time?


  11. 20
    Bus driver teaches loudmouth bitch a lesson says:


  12. 21
    Man teaches loudmouth bitch a lesson says:


    • 25
      jgm2 says:

      She did well to remain conscious after a crack like that.


    • 26
      ! says:

      Such offensive use of the ‘n’ word


    • 29
      Diane Fatbott says:



    • 32
      Spart-acus says:

      let’s see in britain – causing an affray and actual bodily hard, as not a politician, 2-5 yrs

      she was black therefore he was inciting racial tension – sky’s the limit

      bill for medical expenses – financially wiped out

      bill for legal expenses – financially wiped out

      never work again

      and the guy was a hero . . .


      • 36
        Corner of The Yard says:

        Affray and ABH, 2 to 5 years??? You must be joking! For a first offence, cough it in interview and you’ve got a caution. You’d get worse for speeding.


        • 44
          thostids says:

          Too right. You’ve got to be in the Police Force before you get jug. Oh, or in the Paras.
          No bloody room for your ordinary common or garden killer. Give them a right telling-off, job’s a good ‘un.


    • 34
      Graham says:

      Best way to deal with the ignorant bitch.


  13. 24
    James Broken-Toryparty says:

    Dave says it’s pointless making promises on immigration because nobody believes them anymore. So the next best thing is to try to blame somebody else.


  14. 28
    Max says:

    “Look at my penis, isn’t it tiny? What can I do with this?”


  15. 30
    Breaking..... says:

    Stephen Lawrence Industry just moved into FTSE 100.


  16. 35
  17. 38
    On reflection. says:

    Celebrity leeches and political parasites are used in the media covertly to gossip & spread malicious rumours about others. It prevents the person affected suing. Another cheap & nasty media trick exposed. I was hoping the Tories were above this nonsense.


  18. 39
    The Boy Plunger says:

    What are the links between Max Clifford and the Conservative Party.

    I would like to know.


  19. 41
    When is a murder not a murder? When it becomes a silly political game. says:

    Reading between lines? Life is hard enough without this garbage. It justs adds to landfill of stupidity! No need for it! Helps no one.


  20. 42
    How to problem solve says:

    How to problem solve? Create a problem that never existed in the first place then you can pretend to solve it! Hic! Crap magic!


  21. 45
    thostids says:

    Does this mean the late Master Lawrence gets a Bar to his DSO for Racial Disintegration? Or just another MiD in the footnotes of History in the section on the English Civil War II?


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