March 6th, 2014

Today’s Newspaper Health Advice in Full


  1. 1
    Beat the Sugar Tax says:

    Grow your own Cane

  2. 2
    Johnny Foreigner on the Grove Park commuter train says:


  3. 3
    Roger Gimp says:

    well thats stopped my dripping and sugar sandwiches then

  4. 4
    Sir William Wayde says:

    People must like reading this tosh, I suppose.

    Actually there is a foolproof way to detect sugar in food. It tastes sweet.

  5. 5
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    We’d like to control EVERY aspect of your life. Liberal ? Democratic ??


  6. 6
    Garfield says:

    I think that if you look around you there is evidence that having libdems in power is bad for the nations health.

  7. 7
  8. 8
    Daily Express Tuesday says:

  9. 9
    David Cummerbund says:

    Certainly the cause a lot of blockage.

  10. 10
    Bread and Tomato Soup says:

    Not always, apparently.

  11. 11
    Sunday Express says:

  12. 12
    Maximus says:

    WHO who? You mean that racketeer influenced corrupt organization that a few years ago screwed billions out of governments as it told them we were all going to die from anthropogenic global warming bird flu.

  13. 13
    Bread and Tomato Soup says:

    To summarise: “one person says one thing; another says another”. You decide.

  14. 14
    Nick Clegg says:

    Leaving the EU could damage the space-time continuum and tear the very fabric of the universe.

  15. 15
    C O (Ξ6) says:

    Cr!mea referendum due on Mar 16th for Autonomous Region of Cr!mea joining R-Fed as ‘subject’. Should be a rubber stamp affair.

    Can expect now R-Fed to turn it’s full attention to destabilizing U : Outbreaks of violence there would help endorse the ‘independent’ decision of the Cr!mea, and add weight to the referendum result.

    EU still dithering over sanctions indicates very clearly where they really stand. Does not bother R-Fed as would harm EU more economically, however the weakness demonstrated will only serve to legitimize R-Fed actions and strategy to undermine U govt.

    US State Dept. have published 10 false claims list so far made by R-Fed:


    Indicates that the US-R relations are now pretty much reset.

    Should be noted that R-Fed will need to keep this bloodless with minimal troop commitments as the force correlations are very much against them at present. ie. R-Fed knows it would be defeated in invasion of U which is the only reason they have not done this.

    If Cr!mea forces are formally re-assigned to R-Fed post referendum then this will change the correlation, and the R-Fed will most likely use those forces in its primary invasion of U if it is unable to coerce that govt to apply for U to become a ‘subject’ of the R-Fed.

    This is still far from lost.

  16. 16
    Nick Clegg says:

    I prefer it when one person says one thing and the same person says another thing.

  17. 17
    Vlad the G(r)8 says:

    Let them eat cabbages.

  18. 18
    Adolf says:

    I caused looting, assassination and murder in the Sudetenland in 1936. Took until 1938 to get my way.

  19. 19
  20. 20
    Chiefs and Indians at the Express says:

    Not Quite. The Health Chief slams Statins, his Indians says they are a wonder drug.

  21. 21
    Why Chilling? says:

  22. 22
    Harbottle says:

    BBC and Guardian: Immigration is good for you.

  23. 23
    Owen Jones,Guest Moderator says:

    Yes! I propose an undercover investigation.

  24. 24
    Pussy Riot and the Big Mac says:

  25. 25
    Bloody Hell. The Lunatics Really are Running the Asylum says:

  26. 26
    Owen's mummy says:

    You’ve done enough under the covers investigating, young man.
    Your sheets are so stiff I can hardly fold them into the washing machine.

  27. 27
    The Great British Public says:

    Labour are guilty of institutionalised bigotry.

  28. 28
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    I will say anything to get re-elected.

  29. 29
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Does she work at Boots part time?

  30. 30
    Dumb says:

    Stormont wasted hundreds of millions buying stocks of useless Tamiflu

  31. 31
    Grow Your Own says:

    There is a lot of goodness in bogeys.

  32. 32
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    Put another jumper on.

  33. 33
    Quimtrim says:

    I fear her pussy is as unkempt

  34. 34
    man on the street says:

    I think you could probably do with skipping lunch Guido.

  35. 35
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:

  36. 36
    Mope of the century says:

    Bored bored bored

  37. 37
    Spartacus says:

    Farage was right about the cheap suits

  38. 38
    Power Corrupts says:

    Electing a Lib Dem is bad for their mental health.

  39. 39
    Pundit says:

    Pussy Whipped ?

  40. 40
    Dire unelected scum says:

    Why haven’t these people been hanged?

  41. 41
    Toxic Tories for Landowning Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, & other Wasters says:

    Compared to where?

  42. 42
    Nanny Knows Best says:

    alcohol, sugar, fat, carbohydrate cigarettes, tea (the deadly leaves) – all spawn of the Devil

    To stop this the answer is tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, . . .

    All together now – tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax,

  43. 43
    Thieves says:

    Someone should look at the areas where Sinn Fein get their votes…..west Belfast, Newry, Derry…

  44. 44
    Nosey parker says:

    Nobody asked for your opinion Fatty. Go and have another red rooster, just to keep you going until tea time.

  45. 45
    Spartacus says:

    they need to work for a living, then they would experience stress

  46. 46
    Spartacus says:

    oh and is that thier nurse on the right?

    on second thoughts, maybe the caption competition a day early?

  47. 47
    Robes Pierre says:

    Was any of this shower actually elected? The time is coming for the second French Revolution…

  48. 48
    11's, 3 tea, snacks says:

    What about all the rest. Skips on one the others compensate.

  49. 49
    Guido's amazing body says:

    Fatty food good for you. So being fat is good for you. Guido is in excellent health but can’t see himself piss.

  50. 50
    Mr Motivator says:

    Male physique at its best.

  51. 51
    Doctor says:

    Actually, stress is a normal human condition.

  52. 52
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

  53. 53
    Jan Cudzoziemiec (z Warszawy) says:

    Since coming to England I’ve had the most frightful difficulty understanding the native population of Kent and South-East London. They clearly don’t teach English here to the same exacting standards as in continental Europe.

  54. 54
    RomaBob.... working hard for you! says:

    To be sure to be sure…. potatoes, potatoes!

  55. 55
    Hackneyed Hippo says:

    Stay away from my food – I don’t care if it is good for you or not.

  56. 56
    The World's Greatest Newspaper says:


  57. 57
    Spandex says:

    Undercover officers will monitor anything that could be remotley considered as an itch to the status quo.

    Why the faux surprise?

  58. 58
    broderick crawford says:

    so that s all right then ….

    no more doughnuts but as many pork chops as i like ….

  59. 59
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Don’t you mean…

    I prefer it when I promise one thing and then deliver the opposite.

  60. 60
    Doctor says:

    Southerners are thick and uncouth. Everybody knows that.

  61. 61
    M­­a­q­bo­ul says:

    Take statins: push up the pharmaceuticals share price.

    Much cheaper

  62. 62
    Harbottle says:

    The L Ron Hubbard of political and economic philosophy.

  63. 63
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Isn’t chilling patois for relaxing.

    ‘I’m chilling on the beach’

    Bastardised by the Angry Bird playing Gimp PM of course.

  64. 64
    JadedJean8 says:

    He was just another J’ewish anarchist.

    Think about the J’ewish influence in both the extremes of socialism and capitalism.

  65. 65
    JH45980923-095 says:

    Even his own mother said she wished he spent more time making capital rather than just talking about it.

    Adhering to the bloodily dis-proven ramblings of a long-dead man is a religion, isn’t it? The main hold it has on its believers is that changing their position will entail facing up to how utterly wrong-headed they had been up to that point. They simply don’t have the ability or courage to make that leap.

    Just like all other religions really.

  66. 66
    Firing Squad Commander says:


  67. 67
    broderick crawford says:

    The excess of five course expense account meals have taken their toll on Barroso .
    After five years of selfless eating for the Commission its President has lost all semblance of a waistline and now resembles the contours of a wardrobe .

    Thankfully his ” purgatory ” comes to an end in May and it will be Ollie Rehn s bounden duty to expand his girth for the cause.

    BTW if Barroso is President if the EU Commission what the hell is van Rumpsteak the President of ??

  68. 68
    Oscar Pistorius says:

    I wish I was fucking bipolar.

  69. 69
    Old Fashioned Mysogynist says:

    With a bit of luck they might have knocked some sense into her. Fucking useful idiot twat.

  70. 70
    Grand Mufti Diver says:

    The beard must have contributed greatly to his popularity.

  71. 71
    Gordon Brown says:

    Ah so that is where the last of the Remploy staff went then.

  72. 72
    broderick crawford says:

    one cack hander phones another cack hander .

    So .. how do cack handers shake hands with most other people … is it known as the wet fish salutation ?

  73. 73
    Barratt Obummer says:

    At least he isnt this retard…

  74. 74
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

    I’ve never had a real job but have managed to accumulate a decent pile of dosh, thanks to the Taxpayers.

  75. 75
    broderick crawford says:

    they do whole hot roast chickens at my local sainsburys from about 9.30 am each morning if you fancy a “pre -elevenses ” Di …

  76. 76
    Grateful Dead says:

    Whose coffin are they standing around?

  77. 77
    M­­a­q­bo­ul says:

    Be fair to the other customers – she was squirting mayo on to her fanny at the time.

  78. 78
    Village Idiot says:

    ..Staying in the EU is shredding the universe for many people,mainly those in no way connected or on the payroll of the EU,for those in receipt of money in the form of wages or a fat EU pension,the EU is wonderful;the EU has been bad for us and they are making things in the geo-political world worse with their empty threats and heavy rhetoric,which is being done in our names as it were!…..The EU is all about Germany,and just look at the humiliation our leaders(ha) suffered at the will of Merkel,and yet,they lap it up,the bloody wide-chapped whifflers,with no backbone!
    … Is the Lawrence thing,the tory way of appealing to the black voters?…21yrs..ffs

  79. 79
    Hypocritic Oaf says:

    …and hypocrisy!

  80. 80
    Mucking Fodbot says:

    Is Ashton in any way related to Chris Smith?

  81. 81
    Doctor says:

    How did you get your name?

  82. 82
    Bread and tomato sauce buttiess. says:


  83. 83
    Chuka's angels says:

  84. 84
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Perhaps a strong dose of UKIP purgative will clear out the linp dick shit.

  85. 85
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Sounds like the perfect CV for the current, and any prospective members of Parliament. Lift off yer chains!.

  86. 86
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Statin and lard sandwiches, sorted!

  87. 87
    Tom Catesby. says:

    It is probably the best and certainly the sanest course of action to ignore all ‘experts’ and inexpert newspaper reports.

  88. 88
    Gotta pick a pocket or two. says:

    oh vay! what’s so wrong with backing both sides?

  89. 89
    Doctor says:

    Except the Oscars selfie had some talented people in it.

  90. 90
    Anonymous says:

    Mark apparently applied for a job as a clerk, but his handwriting was so bad it couldn’t be read.

  91. 91
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    No, a selfie is when you take a photograph of yourself, that’s why it is called a selfie (dumb C*nts).

  92. 92
    Right That's It. The Country has had enough of this SHITE. NO MORE! says:

  93. 93
    Don't they know when to call it a day? says:

    Just give it a rest Miliband we are all sick to death hearing about this. If you want yet another bleeding enquiry then get Doreen to pay for it herself.

  94. 94
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    I found it deeply shocking that Blair took it upon himself to do a secret deal to give IRA multiple murders his royal pardon, but let’s not bother about that eh!.

  95. 95
    non taxable pikey says:

    I see he’s still soliciting.

  96. 96
    non taxable pikey says:

    Did someone say Chilcot?

  97. 97
    non taxable pikey says:

    Especially those that forecast the weather 3 months in advance. Basically they have got the wrong sort of seaweed.

  98. 98
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Who?, never heard of him. :-)

  99. 99
    D.Lawrence says:

    That’s LADY Doreen to you millibrain

  100. 100
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband needs to address the woman problem in the Trades Union leadership.

    He needs to stand up to vile male dinosaurs like McCluskey,Crow & Serwotka and tell them they must stand down in favour of women selected from an all-women shortlist.

    Or is it do as i say and not as i do for Labour’s paymasters!

  101. 101
    Left a bit ...... says:

    PIE consumption was encouraged and targeted on our kids.

  102. 102
    Twampersand mk II says:

    Guess who went to University and shared a room with the major shareholder of the producers of the Bird Flu vvaccine?

    I’ll give you a clue; it’s Tony Bliar.

  103. 103
    Victim of medical negligence says:

    …..I do not think very highly of doctors!

  104. 104
    Oligarch says:

    …Have her washed and sent to my room!

  105. 105
    Twampersand mk III says:

    Her Majesty Doreen Lawrence is about to win the ghetto lawsuit lottery. Again.

    FFS just piss off now. You’ve been enobled, for no other reason than being the mother of a murdered son, you’ve become a multi millionaire despite having no discernible talent other than for race-mongerimg and you’ve managed to wreck English Law with the abolition of the centuries old safeguard of Double Jeopardy. Please, just piss off. I don’t give a shit about you, your ‘community’ or your ‘struggle’.

    Google Kriss Donald and then ask yourself why you’ve never heard of him, or if you would have done if he had been black. Incessantly. For 20 years.

  106. 106
    Twampersand mk III says:

    The UK.

  107. 107
    Same as Labour says:

    ……Lets do a bit more Nose-rubbing Diversity,to stretch it out,make it a prominent topic,and,maybe we will get the black vote on side!

  108. 108
    The British Dental Association says:

    Eat more sugar.

  109. 109
    "The Nasty Party" says:

    Yes,agreed,but not when government actions are ruining lives ,especially the disabled and elderly,in a thoughtless,heartless,nasty,vindictive ,spiteful way,without any empathetic understanding of the stress and discomfort that they are causing to many innocent people caught up in the relentless pursuit for “Cuts”..
    ……Nasty,the conservatives are,making for an uncivilised ,uncaring society,towing the EU line on a downward,spiralling path of them and us.It will end in tears!

  110. 110
    A Whistleblower? says:

  111. 111
    Man from Auntie says:

    Napoleons olo: Have you read Marx on the proleteriat?
    T.H.R.U.S.H. agent: No, but I’ve red marks on my cock

  112. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Why does anybody take any notice of these so called ‘experts’. One day ‘this’ is bad for you and the next ‘this’ is good for you. Don’t the 2 sides ever talk to each other

  113. 113
    Tom Catesby. says:

    My doctor is 5ft-1”.

  114. 114
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Was she attacked with a blue felt tip pen?

  115. 115
    Tom Catesby. says:

    F^cking hell! He wants to swop Putin for this shower of shite.

  116. 116
    Even Putin was elected. says:

    Who the fuck let Ashton in?

  117. 117
    Tom Catesby. says:

    No, that’s just her other ‘jobs’.

  118. 118
    Tom Catesby. says:

    The U.K.’s

  119. 119
    Anonymous says:

    So does fat.
    Which is why all processed food today is stuffed full of sugar so that they can make it low fat and pretend it’s healthy.

  120. 120
    Hawking, Einstein, Penrose & the boys says:

    Fat is not Sugar

    Nothing, not even water, is good for you in excess

    It’s not that hard to understand

  121. 121
    Tony B£air says:

    I did all that and more in Iraq and Affygannyystann and it took me about 5 minutes to get my way.


  122. 122
    Brits says:


    Or Moslem

  123. 123
    Lee says:

    This the Stephen Lawrence that died 22-Apr-1993?
    21 years ago?

    Must be time to talk about white victims of non-white racism by now, surely?

  124. 124
    eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh says:

    Being in receipt of welfare and having a scouse accent sounds depressing enough to me.

  125. 125
    Vote UKIP but ignore yank morons says:

    Let’s not get carried away by red-neck yank twaddle.

    Plato, Socrates, Pythagoras, Euclid, Aristotle never had jobs either.

  126. 126
    Chukk Wun Wun's Munny says:

    Bugger! Caught in public with some trash!

  127. 127
    Dear Dairy says:

    21 years and still milking

  128. 128
    Click, what a photograph... says:

    The Three Stooges – remake.

  129. 129
    My brain hurts... says:

    Back to the future again once more deja vu etc…

    Now we have 21 year old murders to reinvestigate;
    21 year old celebrity perv cases to reinvestigate;
    21 year old cases of dodgy pervy MPs to reinvestigate;
    21 year old phone hacking/police corruption cases to reinvestigate;
    and not quite yet 21 year old lying warmonger Labour politicians and the hangers-on to reinvestigate.. That will do for the moment.

    Enough to keep us all on the edge of seats for the next 21 years.

  130. 130


Media Reader

Page 3 and the Art of the Self-Pity Statement | Guardian
Here is What a 7 Way Debate Sounds Like | BBC
Poll: Sun Readers Want Page 3 to Stay | Business Insider
The Sun: An Apology | Press Gazette
More Women Prosecuted For Telly Tax | Mail
Je Suis Page 3 | Toby Young
Page 3 Website Enjoys Huge Surge in Traffic | Media Guardian
No One Was Ever Forced to Read Page 3 | Will Walter
Why is Roy Greenslade Doing Labour’s Dirty Work? | Peter Oborne
Today’s Actual Sun Page 3 | Media Guido
Has the Sun Scrapped Page 3? | Guardian

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