March 6th, 2014

Today’s Newspaper Health Advice in Full


  1. 1
    Beat the Sugar Tax says:

    Grow your own Cane


  2. 2
    Johnny Foreigner on the Grove Park commuter train says:



    • 53
      Jan Cudzoziemiec (z Warszawy) says:

      Since coming to England I’ve had the most frightful difficulty understanding the native population of Kent and South-East London. They clearly don’t teach English here to the same exacting standards as in continental Europe.


  3. 3
    Roger Gimp says:

    well thats stopped my dripping and sugar sandwiches then


  4. 4
    Sir William Wayde says:

    People must like reading this tosh, I suppose.

    Actually there is a foolproof way to detect sugar in food. It tastes sweet.


  5. 5
    Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:

    We’d like to control EVERY aspect of your life. Liberal ? Democratic ??



    • 6
      Garfield says:

      I think that if you look around you there is evidence that having libdems in power is bad for the nations health.


    • 42
      Nanny Knows Best says:

      alcohol, sugar, fat, carbohydrate cigarettes, tea (the deadly leaves) – all spawn of the Devil

      To stop this the answer is tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, . . .

      All together now – tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax, tax,


  6. 7
  7. 8
    Daily Express Tuesday says:


  8. 12
    Maximus says:

    WHO who? You mean that racketeer influenced corrupt organization that a few years ago screwed billions out of governments as it told them we were all going to die from anthropogenic global warming bird flu.


    • 30
      Dumb says:

      Stormont wasted hundreds of millions buying stocks of useless Tamiflu


      • 102
        Twampersand mk II says:

        Guess who went to University and shared a room with the major shareholder of the producers of the Bird Flu vvaccine?

        I’ll give you a clue; it’s Tony Bliar.


  9. 14
    Nick Clegg says:

    Leaving the EU could damage the space-time continuum and tear the very fabric of the universe.


    • 78
      Village Idiot says:

      ..Staying in the EU is shredding the universe for many people,mainly those in no way connected or on the payroll of the EU,for those in receipt of money in the form of wages or a fat EU pension,the EU is wonderful;the EU has been bad for us and they are making things in the geo-political world worse with their empty threats and heavy rhetoric,which is being done in our names as it were!…..The EU is all about Germany,and just look at the humiliation our leaders(ha) suffered at the will of Merkel,and yet,they lap it up,the bloody wide-chapped whifflers,with no backbone!
      … Is the Lawrence thing,the tory way of appealing to the black voters?…21yrs..ffs


  10. 15
    C O (Ξ6) says:

    Cr!mea referendum due on Mar 16th for Autonomous Region of Cr!mea joining R-Fed as ‘subject’. Should be a rubber stamp affair.

    Can expect now R-Fed to turn it’s full attention to destabilizing U : Outbreaks of violence there would help endorse the ‘independent’ decision of the Cr!mea, and add weight to the referendum result.

    EU still dithering over sanctions indicates very clearly where they really stand. Does not bother R-Fed as would harm EU more economically, however the weakness demonstrated will only serve to legitimize R-Fed actions and strategy to undermine U govt.

    US State Dept. have published 10 false claims list so far made by R-Fed:


    Indicates that the US-R relations are now pretty much reset.

    Should be noted that R-Fed will need to keep this bloodless with minimal troop commitments as the force correlations are very much against them at present. ie. R-Fed knows it would be defeated in invasion of U which is the only reason they have not done this.

    If Cr!mea forces are formally re-assigned to R-Fed post referendum then this will change the correlation, and the R-Fed will most likely use those forces in its primary invasion of U if it is unable to coerce that govt to apply for U to become a ‘subject’ of the R-Fed.

    This is still far from lost.


    • 18
      Adolf says:

      I caused looting, assassination and murder in the Sudetenland in 1936. Took until 1938 to get my way.


      • 121
        Tony B£air says:

        I did all that and more in Iraq and Affygannyystann and it took me about 5 minutes to get my way.



  11. 17
    Vlad the G(r)8 says:

    Let them eat cabbages.


  12. 19
  13. 21
    Why Chilling? says:


    • 32
      Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

      Put another jumper on.


      • 36
        Mope of the century says:

        Bored bored bored


        • 105
          Twampersand mk III says:

          Her Majesty Doreen Lawrence is about to win the ghetto lawsuit lottery. Again.

          FFS just piss off now. You’ve been enobled, for no other reason than being the mother of a murdered son, you’ve become a multi millionaire despite having no discernible talent other than for race-mongerimg and you’ve managed to wreck English Law with the abolition of the centuries old safeguard of Double Jeopardy. Please, just piss off. I don’t give a shit about you, your ‘community’ or your ‘struggle’.

          Google Kriss Donald and then ask yourself why you’ve never heard of him, or if you would have done if he had been black. Incessantly. For 20 years.


    • 44
      Nosey parker says:

      Nobody asked for your opinion Fatty. Go and have another red rooster, just to keep you going until tea time.


      • 75
        broderick crawford says:

        they do whole hot roast chickens at my local sainsburys from about 9.30 am each morning if you fancy a “pre -elevenses ” Di …


    • 57
      Spandex says:

      Undercover officers will monitor anything that could be remotley considered as an itch to the status quo.

      Why the faux surprise?


    • 63
      Paniagua V5.1 says:

      Isn’t chilling patois for relaxing.

      ‘I’m chilling on the beach’

      Bastardised by the Angry Bird playing Gimp PM of course.


    • 123
      Lee says:

      This the Stephen Lawrence that died 22-Apr-1993?
      21 years ago?

      Must be time to talk about white victims of non-white racism by now, surely?


  14. 22
    Harbottle says:

    BBC and Guardian: Immigration is good for you.


  15. 25
    Bloody Hell. The Lunatics Really are Running the Asylum says:


  16. 35
    Benny Fitz-Clements says:


    • 41
      Toxic Tories for Landowning Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, & other Wasters says:

      Compared to where?


    • 43
      Thieves says:

      Someone should look at the areas where Sinn Fein get their votes…..west Belfast, Newry, Derry…


    • 45
      Spartacus says:

      they need to work for a living, then they would experience stress


    • 51
      Doctor says:

      Actually, stress is a normal human condition.


      • 109
        "The Nasty Party" says:

        Yes,agreed,but not when government actions are ruining lives ,especially the disabled and elderly,in a thoughtless,heartless,nasty,vindictive ,spiteful way,without any empathetic understanding of the stress and discomfort that they are causing to many innocent people caught up in the relentless pursuit for “Cuts”..
        ……Nasty,the conservatives are,making for an uncivilised ,uncaring society,towing the EU line on a downward,spiralling path of them and us.It will end in tears!


    • 68
      Oscar Pistorius says:

      I wish I was fucking bipolar.


    • 124
      eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh says:

      Being in receipt of welfare and having a scouse accent sounds depressing enough to me.


  17. 52
    RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:


    • 62
      Harbottle says:

      The L Ron Hubbard of political and economic philosophy.


      • 111
        Man from Auntie says:

        Napoleons olo: Have you read Marx on the proleteriat?
        T.H.R.U.S.H. agent: No, but I’ve red marks on my cock


    • 64
      JadedJean8 says:

      He was just another J’ewish anarchist.

      Think about the J’ewish influence in both the extremes of socialism and capitalism.


    • 65
      JH45980923-095 says:

      Even his own mother said she wished he spent more time making capital rather than just talking about it.

      Adhering to the bloodily dis-proven ramblings of a long-dead man is a religion, isn’t it? The main hold it has on its believers is that changing their position will entail facing up to how utterly wrong-headed they had been up to that point. They simply don’t have the ability or courage to make that leap.

      Just like all other religions really.


    • 70
      Grand Mufti Diver says:

      The beard must have contributed greatly to his popularity.


    • 74
      RED ED - SON OF BROWN says:

      I’ve never had a real job but have managed to accumulate a decent pile of dosh, thanks to the Taxpayers.


    • 85
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      Sounds like the perfect CV for the current, and any prospective members of Parliament. Lift off yer chains!.


    • 90
      Anonymous says:

      Mark apparently applied for a job as a clerk, but his handwriting was so bad it couldn’t be read.


    • 125
      Vote UKIP but ignore yank morons says:

      Let’s not get carried away by red-neck yank twaddle.

      Plato, Socrates, Pythagoras, Euclid, Aristotle never had jobs either.


  18. 58
    broderick crawford says:

    so that s all right then ….

    no more doughnuts but as many pork chops as i like ….


  19. 83
    Chuka's angels says:


  20. 87
    Tom Catesby. says:

    It is probably the best and certainly the sanest course of action to ignore all ‘experts’ and inexpert newspaper reports.


    • 97
      non taxable pikey says:

      Especially those that forecast the weather 3 months in advance. Basically they have got the wrong sort of seaweed.


  21. 92
    Right That's It. The Country has had enough of this SHITE. NO MORE! says:


    • 93
      Don't they know when to call it a day? says:

      Just give it a rest Miliband we are all sick to death hearing about this. If you want yet another bleeding enquiry then get Doreen to pay for it herself.


    • 94
      Blue Peter Goldfish says:

      I found it deeply shocking that Blair took it upon himself to do a secret deal to give IRA multiple murders his royal pardon, but let’s not bother about that eh!.


    • 96
      non taxable pikey says:

      Did someone say Chilcot?


    • 99
      D.Lawrence says:

      That’s LADY Doreen to you millibrain


      • 107
        Same as Labour says:

        ……Lets do a bit more Nose-rubbing Diversity,to stretch it out,make it a prominent topic,and,maybe we will get the black vote on side!


    • 127
      Dear Dairy says:

      21 years and still milking


    • 129
      My brain hurts... says:

      Back to the future again once more deja vu etc…

      Now we have 21 year old murders to reinvestigate;
      21 year old celebrity perv cases to reinvestigate;
      21 year old cases of dodgy pervy MPs to reinvestigate;
      21 year old phone hacking/police corruption cases to reinvestigate;
      and not quite yet 21 year old lying warmonger Labour politicians and the hangers-on to reinvestigate.. That will do for the moment.

      Enough to keep us all on the edge of seats for the next 21 years.


  22. 100
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband needs to address the woman problem in the Trades Union leadership.

    He needs to stand up to vile male dinosaurs like McCluskey,Crow & Serwotka and tell them they must stand down in favour of women selected from an all-women shortlist.

    Or is it do as i say and not as i do for Labour’s paymasters!


  23. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Why does anybody take any notice of these so called ‘experts’. One day ‘this’ is bad for you and the next ‘this’ is good for you. Don’t the 2 sides ever talk to each other


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