March 5th, 2014

PMQs Sketch: Miliband’s Improvement

An unsketchable PMQs kicked off by Peter Bone (soon to be holding the executive to account from Wormwood Scrubs).

It never got going, limped home, and will be considered a victory for Leveson-lovers and the Vegan Internationale known as “grown-up politics”.

Ed Miliband led on and finished with the Ukraine. He consensualised. He joined the top table. He looked (and I say the things that others daren’t think) pretty good.

One barb he left, quoting Cameron on the invasion of Georgia – Russian shoppers shouldn’t be allowed in Harrods while Russian troops were violating borders.

He then called for assets to be frozen.

But Putin would be delighted if his troublesome oligarchs had their assets frozen abroad. You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.

Cameron repeated the costs and consequences of Putin’s aggression.

Exports of Marmite to Moscow suspended. Block voting by democracies against Russia’s Eurovision Song entry. The Poet Laureate to satirise post-imperial Slavic aggression in a 500-canto lyric.

The only point of interest might be Miliband’s improvement. He’s better than he was six months ago and dramatically better than a year ago. He’s stopped touching his face and stroking his lips. He’s got a nice, relaxed register in his voice as he tails away at the end of his sentences. When not ululating he doesn’t look ridiculous any more.

If the Tories think he’ll look unelectable in a year’s time, they should rethink.


  1. 1
    aurora borealis says:

    It was just a one off he’ll be back to his old self next week


  2. 2
    jgm2 says:

    I’ll take your word for him not looking ridiculous any more.

    If that’s the case then Cameron might be in trouble.

    Although he (Cameron) still has the fall-back position of Ed Balls as weapons-grade voter repellent.


    • 17
      so he's had some acting lessons says:

      Mili, looks like a Hunt, talks like a Hunt, is a Hunt


      • 22
        jgm2 says:

        But where’s invisible Ned Balls? He’s not in that picture of Nasal Ned. I’m not hearing his latest idiocies reported by the BBC.

        Not content with his economic contribution (180bn quid deficits, largest recession in a century) being air-brushed from history. He’s being air-brushed from the present. And, we can safely surmise, the future.


        • 27
          Piccy Co-ordinator says:

          Ballsey was sitting to Ed’s right, but there was somebody in between them. That far off centre keeps Ballsey’s mug off the screen. But when he was on, he was still doing his nodding donkey act.


  3. 3
    Sadiq Kalm says:

    Tis easy to look normal when being consensual but Ed still looks and sounds odd when his arguing a point.


    • 30
      Piccy Co-ordinator says:

      It is difficult to read a script and look serious at the same time. Good job he doesn’t have to chew gum as well!


  4. 4
    Jimmy says:

    So glad Guido’s coming round to accepting the inevitable come May 2015.


    • 67
      Mad Puking says:

      UKIP for May 2015.


      • 86
        Spartacus says:

        Current Prediction: Labour majority 58

        Prediction based on opinion polls from 01 Feb 14 to 28 Feb 14, sampling 10,100 people.

        UKIP is down for none.
        But as per the last election, they did stop cameroon from getting between 22 and 26 seats


  5. 7
    Jimmy says:

    So it’s Dave of the cover ups. Patrick Rock and the immigration report


    • 11
      jgm2 says:

      Time for a ‘Hutton style’ enquiry from Dave.


      • 19
        Chilcott says:

        My report is almost ready.
        Just a few more decades until all the guilty are safely dead.


        • 37
          Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

          We dont finish it cause otherwise we might need to look for another job.
          This is far too well paid.
          Love Chilcott and friends


  6. 8
    Harman is evil says:

    If the Tories think he’ll look unelectable in a year’s time, they should rethink.

    As Son of Dromey might say: Mega LOLZ


  7. 10
    Ed Llewellyn says:

    Rock will never die!


  8. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Umm, no he still shit


  9. 15
    The Ebay page of Sarah and Gordoom McBrown says:

    For sale.

    32 mini bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Strawberry and Honey scents.
    All bear the ‘Marriott New York’ logo.
    Also – 2 pairs of white toweling slippers and 2 white toweling dressing gowns. Also bearing the ‘Marriott New York’ logo.

    And pack of stationary, bearing same logo.

    £10 the lot + PP


    • 41
      Hotel manager (Housekeeping Dept) says:

      Did you forget to take the telly with you like most of the Arabs do?


  10. 16
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    But Ed Miliband is still a twat.


    • 46
      Good to see, oh how I laughed says:

      And Jack Straw was truly handbagged.
      Pompous dick. Hope he gets a severe bout of depression. Very severe.


  11. 18
    Wendy Deng says:

    Lupert, he unerectable.


  12. 21
    Graham says:

    Militwat looks like a pillock and is a pillock , but thanks to Cameron Militwat will be the next PM


  13. 29
    It's all over for Three! says:

    BBC Three is to be axed and will become a wholly online channel, as part of the BBC’s cost-cutting plans. It means shows such as Don’t Tell The Bride and Pramface will only be available through the iPlayer, rather than Freeview, satellite or cable. The BBC will make an official announcement on Thursday.


  14. 31
    Jordan says:

    He’s looking more and more like Britain’s next PM.

    Lib Dems are shrinking, Cameron’s tired and UKIP are taking votes.

    I predict a solid Labour majority.


    • 34
      Smooth operator says:

      With the right’s vote being split twixt Tories and UKIP, sadly you are right – and I therefore predict a massive outflow of capital and British brains, leaving those who voted for him wallowing in their own ordure. Get your tickets early to be sure of a seat on the plane.


    • 42
      Jimmy says:

      You cannot kick the shit out of ordinary people whilst sucking bankers’ cocks and expect to be re-elected.


    • 59
      Dave - the pervert's best friend says:

      “Cameron’s tired”.

      How come? The only thing that the lazy fat fucker has done for the last 4 years is enable bumbandits and lezzas to get married.


      • 71
        Anonymous says:

        Cast Iron is tired of lying, and lying badly.

        It must be tiring changing your mind on every policy and knowing that all of your Eton and Uni contemporaries hate you and think your a traitor to the UK.

        His former work colleagues don’t hate him cause he never had a proper job.


  15. 33
    Purple Tie Watch says:

    Co eeee


  16. 35
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband is leading Labour to their worst ever defeat.

    Get down the bookies now and put your money on a Tory landslide before the odds shorten dramatically :-)


    • 39
      aurora borealis says:



    • 44
      Jimmy says:

      Time for your meds…?


      • 54
        Do you have amnesia, Jimbo, or are you just a triablist Labour dickcheese? says:

        Talking of meds, aren’t those people whining about Mid Staffs a bunch of bores, eh, Jimmy? I mean, so what patients were drinking from vases while Andy Burnham was ordering crates of champagne for his department?


        • 61
          Dave - the pervert's best friend says:

          Champagne comes in cases: beer comes in crates.

          Fucking pleb.


          • Labour's NHS supremo says:

            Regardless, we drink from champagne flutes, the little people drink out of a vase.


  17. 36
    aurora borealis says:

    I see st bliar is considering digging the labour party out of it’s state of b a n k r u p t c y with a large donation no received from one of his cor rupt d i c t a t o r s . Is this what labour has become? And how will militwit look with bliar as his sugar daddy?


    • 38
      aurora borealis says:

      tsk! ‘no doubt received’


    • 43
      Jimmy says:

      Labour haven’t accepted any money from Blair.


      • 56
        Do you have amnesia, Jimbo, or are you just a triablist Labour dickcheese? says:

        Why is Labour’s Blair helping dictators, Jimmy?


        • 74
          jgm2 says:

          They’re paying him off. It’s protection money. They saw what happened to Saddam. And K*e*l*l*y.


      • 62
        The Critic says:

        You missed off the word ‘yet’ I wonder what he expects for his money?


    • 45
      Penny for the guy gov says:

      But what exactly does Blair actually do for them that persuades these crooks to cough up so much loot?


      • 60
        jgm2 says:

        You do wonder if all these conferences they accept 50K at which to speak even exist. Or is there a plane-load of professional ‘conference-goers’ that just jet about the place to sit in front of the likes of Blair (and particularly Brown) to keep up the charade.

        Seriously. Who, in the name of Christ, would want to sit in front of a fucking imbecile like Brown and listen to a single word he’d have to say? Who would want to pay the c*u*n*t a fucking cent?

        It’s fucking madness. It cannot be happening.

        I refuse to believe these speaking engagements even exist. It has to be just a mechanism to launder money for services rendered.


  18. 40
    Moddly Botted again says:

    Don’t agree.

    Miliband was role playing. He comes across as an over-coached wanabee, completely out of his depth.

    Listen to the substance of what he says – nothing. Nothing at all. He would though qualify for an Oscar in stating the bleeding obvious.

    Something like:

    ‘These invations are wrong while negotiations are still under way, bothe government have acted in a reckless and provocative manner, and that it’s time for both sides to put aside the rhetoric and get round the negotiating table.’


  19. 47
    statist says:

    Here is some important history

    Take on board that up to the early 1980s the British Labour Party was very like the Leninist Russian Labour Party. It was opposed to the equivalent of the old Russian non Leninist Labour Party (Militant Tendency were Trotskyites). Think of the New Labour Party as being this non-Leninist Labour Party and bear in mind what Thatcher’s Libertarian Government did to the unions in the 1980s and how this was continued under New Labour.

    You will then start to understand why (New Left) Ed Miliband and his 34 year old Shadow Secretary to the Treasury did not support the Public Sector strikes a year or so ago.

    These are New Left (Social Democrats) – not Old Labour. The Liberal-Democrats started out as the Social Democratic party, which was a splinter group from Old Labour plus a small Liberal Party. These were pro USA. Old Labour types are not popular with the USA and you can see this as the USA has been to war against these types (Libya, Vietnam, Cambodia, Korea, and today it is threatening Syria and Iran by proxy). Do you think the US would allow Old Labour in Britain or even Europe? This is what the Marshall Plan and EU Project, and plans for a 27 state EU Constitution super-state was designed to keep at bay – think about who the opposition are, the CIS/SCO. This is what the current EU crisis is all about. It is about furthering Libertarianism (anarchism) and rolling back the state.


    • 50
      Tuppence for the guy *rapid inflationary pressures...) says:

      Rolling back the state? Into one bloody great Euro-snowball you mean run by unelected dictatorial types? Sounds fun, especially if you believe all that bollox.


      • 68
        statist says:

        Here’s ust a few questions which the MSM could ask Ed Miliband but

        1. Are you sympathetic to Leon Trotsky’s writings? How about Joseph Stalin’s
        2. Are you a Fabian?
        3. You say you aren’t practicing, but neither are many in the Knesset are they?
        4. Do you social network?
        5. What are your views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and settlers?
        6. Are you in favour of breaking up near monopolies such as Tesco, Sainsbury etc and will you consider nationalising them?
        7. Did your dad tell you that Big Brother STOLE your train set?

        Questions of this ilk would actually tell us something about the man. Why are probing questions like these never asked?


        • 81
          fff says:

          Your great family friend Eric Hobsbawm said that 25 million British deaths were worth it to bring in a socialist state. How many do you think its worth (lets say on top of mid-staffs)?


    • 73
      Táxpáyér says:

      Thatcher (PBUH) saved Britain from the unions.

      Thatcher was antibiotic against the union germs.
      Unfortunately we now need an anti-viral agent to Labour.


      • 78
        jgm2 says:

        Ed Balls might be the man for the job. He’s like ebola. He destroys the host before the infection can spread.


  20. 48
    Penny for the guy gov says:

    Jack Straw looked and sounded awful. Is he likely to last until Easter? Is his sordid past beginning to catch up with him?


  21. 51
    Ah! miss says:

    Get that teacher to tape the mouths of Cameron and Farage, then the Tories might just shade it.


  22. 77
    Tina Thatcher says:

    Putin would eat Miliband alive.

    Milliband couldn’t win a village raffle.


  23. 79

    “You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.”

    Who are Putin’s coalition partners at Strasbourg?


  24. 80
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Stopping rich Russkies shopping in Harrods?! I want to know what the shower of shite who are supposed to be running this country are going to do when Vlad gets around to cutting off the gas.


  25. 82
    David Cameron says:

    But he thpeaketh like thith, and I’m your only alternative.

    Love Britain. Vote Conservative.


  26. 87
    Penfold says:

    And will the Union/Labour movement stop singing the Red Flag in protest at the takeover of the Crimea, a sovereign part of Ukraine?

    Will the love fest with Marx, Lenin, Engels, Trotsky and Stalin suffer a schism?

    Oh lookee there, a squadron of flying pigs with go faster stripes flying in formation down Whitehall.


Seen Elsewhere

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Dave’s Pro-Free Markets Speech | ASI
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Emily is No Snob | Islington Tribune
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Immigration Lies | Nigel Farage
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UKIP Mosque Confusion | The Week

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UKIP’s Patrick O’Flynn:

“I think Mail online comments are a telling indication of public opinion.”

Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.

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