March 5th, 2014

PMQs Sketch: Miliband’s Improvement

An unsketchable PMQs kicked off by Peter Bone (soon to be holding the executive to account from Wormwood Scrubs).

It never got going, limped home, and will be considered a victory for Leveson-lovers and the Vegan Internationale known as “grown-up politics”.

Ed Miliband led on and finished with the Ukraine. He consensualised. He joined the top table. He looked (and I say the things that others daren’t think) pretty good.

One barb he left, quoting Cameron on the invasion of Georgia – Russian shoppers shouldn’t be allowed in Harrods while Russian troops were violating borders.

He then called for assets to be frozen.

But Putin would be delighted if his troublesome oligarchs had their assets frozen abroad. You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.

Cameron repeated the costs and consequences of Putin’s aggression.

Exports of Marmite to Moscow suspended. Block voting by democracies against Russia’s Eurovision Song entry. The Poet Laureate to satirise post-imperial Slavic aggression in a 500-canto lyric.

The only point of interest might be Miliband’s improvement. He’s better than he was six months ago and dramatically better than a year ago. He’s stopped touching his face and stroking his lips. He’s got a nice, relaxed register in his voice as he tails away at the end of his sentences. When not ululating he doesn’t look ridiculous any more.

If the Tories think he’ll look unelectable in a year’s time, they should rethink.


  1. 1
    aurora borealis says:

    It was just a one off he’ll be back to his old self next week

  2. 2
    jgm2 says:

    I’ll take your word for him not looking ridiculous any more.

    If that’s the case then Cameron might be in trouble.

    Although he (Cameron) still has the fall-back position of Ed Balls as weapons-grade voter repellent.

  3. 3
    Sadiq Kalm says:

    Tis easy to look normal when being consensual but Ed still looks and sounds odd when his arguing a point.

  4. 4
    Jimmy says:

    So glad Guido’s coming round to accepting the inevitable come May 2015.

  5. 5
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    “You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.”

  6. 6
    Guido's mohel says:

    Oy vey, the plebs have rumbled that G_d’s Chosen employed snipers in Kiev, shooting at both sides, police and demonstrators, to whip up a war with and destabilise Russia, so that Russia would no longer be able to intervene in Syria, to stop the funded-by-UK/US/France ‘Al Qaeda’, and G_d’s Chosen Psychos would get their Greater Israel with Syria’s collapse!

  7. 7
    Jimmy says:

    So it’s Dave of the cover ups. Patrick Rock and the immigration report

  8. 8
    Harman is evil says:

    If the Tories think he’ll look unelectable in a year’s time, they should rethink.

    As Son of Dromey might say: Mega LOLZ

  9. 9
    Cameron, Obongo, Hague, Kerry, Holland, Merkel... says:

    Oh my G_d! We’re Buggered!

  10. 10
    Ed Llewellyn says:

    Rock will never die!

  11. 11
    jgm2 says:

    Time for a ‘Hutton style’ enquiry from Dave.

  12. 12
    Cameron, nonce protector says:

    Even the dumbed down brainwashed by the BBC plebs in Britain will hang us for this. Quick, get Patrick Rock to download some kiddie porn onto Putin’s computer.

  13. 13
    Anonymous says:

    Umm, no he still shit

  14. 14
    The Elders of Zion says:

    We control everything! We even have a secret though-transmitting device disguised as your goldfish!

    Although, strangely, it never seems to do us any good.

  15. 15
    The Ebay page of Sarah and Gordoom McBrown says:

    For sale.

    32 mini bottles of shampoo and conditioner. Strawberry and Honey scents.
    All bear the ‘Marriott New York’ logo.
    Also – 2 pairs of white toweling slippers and 2 white toweling dressing gowns. Also bearing the ‘Marriott New York’ logo.

    And pack of stationary, bearing same logo.

    £10 the lot + PP

  16. 16
    Idon'tneednodoctor says:

    But Ed Miliband is still a twat.

  17. 17
    so he's had some acting lessons says:

    Mili, looks like a Hunt, talks like a Hunt, is a Hunt

  18. 18
    Wendy Deng says:

    Lupert, he unerectable.

  19. 19
    Chilcott says:

    My report is almost ready.
    Just a few more decades until all the guilty are safely dead.

  20. 20
    The public says:

    Why did the Chowzen people choose the only spot in the desert without any oil?

  21. 21
    Graham says:

    Militwat looks like a pillock and is a pillock , but thanks to Cameron Militwat will be the next PM

  22. 22
    jgm2 says:

    But where’s invisible Ned Balls? He’s not in that picture of Nasal Ned. I’m not hearing his latest idiocies reported by the BBC.

    Not content with his economic contribution (180bn quid deficits, largest recession in a century) being air-brushed from history. He’s being air-brushed from the present. And, we can safely surmise, the future.

  23. 23
    jgm2 says:

    They did get the water, the oranges and the olives though. The arabs can eat their sand and dr*i*nk their oil.

  24. 24
    The Rock says:

  25. 25
    Mark Oaten says:


  26. 26
    Táxpáyér says:

    Should I put a large bet on Ed’s financial insanity party so I can afford to emigrate?

  27. 27
    Piccy Co-ordinator says:

    Ballsey was sitting to Ed’s right, but there was somebody in between them. That far off centre keeps Ballsey’s mug off the screen. But when he was on, he was still doing his nodding donkey act.

  28. 28
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Criminals, Peedos, & other Wasters says:

    Red Multimillionaireband will always be unelectable.

  29. 29
    It's all over for Three! says:

    BBC Three is to be axed and will become a wholly online channel, as part of the BBC’s cost-cutting plans. It means shows such as Don’t Tell The Bride and Pramface will only be available through the iPlayer, rather than Freeview, satellite or cable. The BBC will make an official announcement on Thursday.

  30. 30
    Piccy Co-ordinator says:

    It is difficult to read a script and look serious at the same time. Good job he doesn’t have to chew gum as well!

  31. 31
    Jordan says:

    He’s looking more and more like Britain’s next PM.

    Lib Dems are shrinking, Cameron’s tired and UKIP are taking votes.

    I predict a solid Labour majority.

  32. 32
    Piccy Co-ordinator says:

    One down, 56 to go then?

  33. 33
    Purple Tie Watch says:

    Co eeee

  34. 34
    Smooth operator says:

    With the right’s vote being split twixt Tories and UKIP, sadly you are right – and I therefore predict a massive outflow of capital and British brains, leaving those who voted for him wallowing in their own ordure. Get your tickets early to be sure of a seat on the plane.

  35. 35
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband is leading Labour to their worst ever defeat.

    Get down the bookies now and put your money on a Tory landslide before the odds shorten dramatically :-)

  36. 36
    aurora borealis says:

    I see st bliar is considering digging the labour party out of it’s state of b a n k r u p t c y with a large donation no received from one of his cor rupt d i c t a t o r s . Is this what labour has become? And how will militwit look with bliar as his sugar daddy?

  37. 37
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    We dont finish it cause otherwise we might need to look for another job.
    This is far too well paid.
    Love Chilcott and friends

  38. 38
    aurora borealis says:

    tsk! ‘no doubt received’

  39. 39
    aurora borealis says:


  40. 40
    Moddly Botted again says:

    Don’t agree.

    Miliband was role playing. He comes across as an over-coached wanabee, completely out of his depth.

    Listen to the substance of what he says – nothing. Nothing at all. He would though qualify for an Oscar in stating the bleeding obvious.

    Something like:

    ‘These invations are wrong while negotiations are still under way, bothe government have acted in a reckless and provocative manner, and that it’s time for both sides to put aside the rhetoric and get round the negotiating table.’

  41. 41
    Hotel manager (Housekeeping Dept) says:

    Did you forget to take the telly with you like most of the Arabs do?

  42. 42
    Jimmy says:

    You cannot kick the shit out of ordinary people whilst sucking bankers’ cocks and expect to be re-elected.

  43. 43
    Jimmy says:

    Labour haven’t accepted any money from Blair.

  44. 44
    Jimmy says:

    Time for your meds…?

  45. 45
    Penny for the guy gov says:

    But what exactly does Blair actually do for them that persuades these crooks to cough up so much loot?

  46. 46
    Good to see, oh how I laughed says:

    And Jack Straw was truly handbagged.
    Pompous dick. Hope he gets a severe bout of depression. Very severe.

  47. 47
    statist says:

    Here is some important history

    Take on board that up to the early 1980s the British Labour Party was very like the Leninist Russian Labour Party. It was opposed to the equivalent of the old Russian non Leninist Labour Party (Militant Tendency were Trotskyites). Think of the New Labour Party as being this non-Leninist Labour Party and bear in mind what Thatcher’s Libertarian Government did to the unions in the 1980s and how this was continued under New Labour.

    You will then start to understand why (New Left) Ed Miliband and his 34 year old Shadow Secretary to the Treasury did not support the Public Sector strikes a year or so ago.

    These are New Left (Social Democrats) – not Old Labour. The Liberal-Democrats started out as the Social Democratic party, which was a splinter group from Old Labour plus a small Liberal Party. These were pro USA. Old Labour types are not popular with the USA and you can see this as the USA has been to war against these types (Libya, Vietnam, Cambodia, Korea, and today it is threatening Syria and Iran by proxy). Do you think the US would allow Old Labour in Britain or even Europe? This is what the Marshall Plan and EU Project, and plans for a 27 state EU Constitution super-state was designed to keep at bay – think about who the opposition are, the CIS/SCO. This is what the current EU crisis is all about. It is about furthering Libertarianism (anarchism) and rolling back the state.

  48. 48
    Penny for the guy gov says:

    Jack Straw looked and sounded awful. Is he likely to last until Easter? Is his sordid past beginning to catch up with him?

  49. 49
    jgm2 says:

    Blair could.

    But Brown couldn’t.

  50. 50
    Tuppence for the guy *rapid inflationary pressures...) says:

    Rolling back the state? Into one bloody great Euro-snowball you mean run by unelected dictatorial types? Sounds fun, especially if you believe all that bollox.

  51. 51
    Ah! miss says:

    Get that teacher to tape the mouths of Cameron and Farage, then the Tories might just shade it.

  52. 52
    Village Idiot says:

    …Sadly,you are correct,….fooled again,doh!!!

  53. 53
    Do you have amnesia, Jimbo, or are you just a triablist Labour dickcheese? says:

    Is that why Labour knighted Fred Goodwin for services to banking?

  54. 54
    Do you have amnesia, Jimbo, or are you just a triablist Labour dickcheese? says:

    Talking of meds, aren’t those people whining about Mid Staffs a bunch of bores, eh, Jimmy? I mean, so what patients were drinking from vases while Andy Burnham was ordering crates of champagne for his department?

  55. 55
    jgm2 says:

    You have to hope so. And Blair too.

    The Telegraph obit should be fucking hilarious.

  56. 56
    Do you have amnesia, Jimbo, or are you just a triablist Labour dickcheese? says:

    Why is Labour’s Blair helping dictators, Jimmy?

  57. 57
    Ah! better still says:

    How about Good Friday?

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Well once a Hunt allways a Hunt.

  59. 59
    Dave - the pervert's best friend says:

    “Cameron’s tired”.

    How come? The only thing that the lazy fat fucker has done for the last 4 years is enable bumbandits and lezzas to get married.

  60. 60
    jgm2 says:

    You do wonder if all these conferences they accept 50K at which to speak even exist. Or is there a plane-load of professional ‘conference-goers’ that just jet about the place to sit in front of the likes of Blair (and particularly Brown) to keep up the charade.

    Seriously. Who, in the name of Christ, would want to sit in front of a fucking imbecile like Brown and listen to a single word he’d have to say? Who would want to pay the c*u*n*t a fucking cent?

    It’s fucking madness. It cannot be happening.

    I refuse to believe these speaking engagements even exist. It has to be just a mechanism to launder money for services rendered.

  61. 61
    Dave - the pervert's best friend says:

    Champagne comes in cases: beer comes in crates.

    Fucking pleb.

  62. 62
    The Critic says:

    You missed off the word ‘yet’ I wonder what he expects for his money?

  63. 63
    jgm2 says:

    Another classic from the archives.

    Imagine what Mugabe’s will look like.

  64. 64
    Táxpáyér says:

    Seems like you’re coming to terms with why Labour’s lost.

  65. 65
    Anonymous says:

    Swap Milliband for Cast Iron and your sentence makes more sense.

  66. 66
    Scallywag says:

    Another point to bear in mind is that Ed Miliband could, should he ever wish, become an Israeli citizen (and even Israeli politician?) through the Right of Return.

  67. 67
    Mad Puking says:

    UKIP for May 2015.

  68. 68
    statist says:

    Here’s ust a few questions which the MSM could ask Ed Miliband but

    1. Are you sympathetic to Leon Trotsky’s writings? How about Joseph Stalin’s
    2. Are you a Fabian?
    3. You say you aren’t practicing, but neither are many in the Knesset are they?
    4. Do you social network?
    5. What are your views on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and settlers?
    6. Are you in favour of breaking up near monopolies such as Tesco, Sainsbury etc and will you consider nationalising them?
    7. Did your dad tell you that Big Brother STOLE your train set?

    Questions of this ilk would actually tell us something about the man. Why are probing questions like these never asked?

  69. 69
  70. 70
    Privatise the BBC says:


  71. 71
    Anonymous says:

    Cast Iron is tired of lying, and lying badly.

    It must be tiring changing your mind on every policy and knowing that all of your Eton and Uni contemporaries hate you and think your a traitor to the UK.

    His former work colleagues don’t hate him cause he never had a proper job.

  72. 72
    Labour's NHS supremo says:

    Regardless, we drink from champagne flutes, the little people drink out of a vase.

  73. 73
    Táxpáyér says:

    Thatcher (PBUH) saved Britain from the unions.

    Thatcher was antibiotic against the union germs.
    Unfortunately we now need an anti-viral agent to Labour.

  74. 74
    jgm2 says:

    They’re paying him off. It’s protection money. They saw what happened to Saddam. And K*e*l*l*y.

  75. 75
    Chipmunk says:

    Well the same sheep voted for Blair and for the same reasons you have stated.
    We’re doomed unless dishface does a deal with UKIP.

  76. 76
    Hague says:

    that’s it, we are fucked

    I’m off to claim asylum in a North Wales care home for small boys with very tight anuses.

  77. 77
    Tina Thatcher says:

    Putin would eat Miliband alive.

    Milliband couldn’t win a village raffle.

  78. 78
    jgm2 says:

    Ed Balls might be the man for the job. He’s like ebola. He destroys the host before the infection can spread.

  79. 79

    “You might have thought the Labour leader understood the mind of the Kremlin better than anyone in the Commons.”

    Who are Putin’s coalition partners at Strasbourg?

  80. 80
    Tom Catesby. says:

    Stopping rich Russkies shopping in Harrods?! I want to know what the shower of shite who are supposed to be running this country are going to do when Vlad gets around to cutting off the gas.

  81. 81
    fff says:

    Your great family friend Eric Hobsbawm said that 25 million British deaths were worth it to bring in a socialist state. How many do you think its worth (lets say on top of mid-staffs)?

  82. 82
    David Cameron says:

    But he thpeaketh like thith, and I’m your only alternative.

    Love Britain. Vote Conservative.

  83. 83
    fff says:

    patricia hewitt – australia
    bryan gould – new zealand
    jack dromey – irel#nd
    harriet harmkids – upper class therefore foreign

    is this peedo sex tourism?

  84. 84
    ggg says:

    i assume the victims of their…errr…’affiliates’ were english?

    r#pe used as a weapon of war?

  85. 85
    arthur says:

    to add to your list

    polly toynbee – foreign
    johann hari – scottish

  86. 86
    Spartacus says:

    Current Prediction: Labour majority 58

    Prediction based on opinion polls from 01 Feb 14 to 28 Feb 14, sampling 10,100 people.

    UKIP is down for none.
    But as per the last election, they did stop cameroon from getting between 22 and 26 seats

  87. 87
    Penfold says:

    And will the Union/Labour movement stop singing the Red Flag in protest at the takeover of the Crimea, a sovereign part of Ukraine?

    Will the love fest with Marx, Lenin, Engels, Trotsky and Stalin suffer a schism?

    Oh lookee there, a squadron of flying pigs with go faster stripes flying in formation down Whitehall.

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