March 5th, 2014

Guy News Special: BBC Three’s Greatest Hits

BBC Three is no more, it is being axed and aired online only. Guido gives you their greatest hits, all paid for by your licence fee:

Public service broadcasting at its finest…


159 Comments

  1. 1
    Ah! says:

    Second

    Like

    • 11
      wanking says:

      “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need (French: De chacun selon ses moyens, à chacun selon ses besoins.; German: Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen!) is a slogan first used by Louis Blanc in 1851 and popularised by Karl Marx in his 1875 Critique of the Gotha Program”

      Is tapping away on twitter the best you can do Owen Jones?

      Like

    • 51
      Melons galore says:

      What do you have against boobs, Guido? Are you part of the Anti-Sex League?

      Like

    • 107
      Officer Dibble says:

      Won’t there be a gap now? Will BBC2 and BBC4 fall into it?

      Didn’t the BBC do this with Radio 6? Pretend to axe it, wait for the twitter campaign, reprieve it, and get loads of free publicity?

      Like

      • 132
        Aparat says:

        Yeah, pretend to axe 6Music, 1xtra and top-notch U.S. dramas, supposedly to show they understood concerns about waste of tax-payers’ money and the scope of the BBC‘s reach, but choosing remedies that, strangely, happened to fall within the remit of ‘public-service broadcasting’. Cue lots of wailing and a reprieve for all three and, surprise, surprise, no cut in spending or output. Another campaign seen off.

        Anyway, if it is to be only broadcast online, BBC 3 still has to be produced, so tax-payers’ cash is still to be squandered. The only savings are the Freeview, Sky, etc., broadcast costs. Piffling.

        And all of this, of course, comes from Mr. Patten’s place-man – a man to bring forth a new era of responsible broadcasting and a return to the public service ethos.

        Scrap the telly tax!

        Like

    • 124
      Mine d'Boggles says:

      Never mind “second” whatever became of the Third Programme? Required listening when I was a bt younger. as it scrapped as being too upmarket? Or have I missed something, having neither a radio nor a TV?

      Like

    • 142
      Scrap the licence fee to set us free says:

      One channel down

      still many to go

      Like

  2. 2
    BBC says:

    Doing this saves the license payer from having to find more money to fund the £400k compromise agreements of the janitors and cleaners we are having to let go.

    Like

  3. 3
    Ollie says:

    I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

    Like

    • 5
      Marcus Brigstock says:

      Laugh. All the way to the bank like me.

      Like

      • 31
        lolwut says:

        You talk like you think the license fee will go down as a result

        You’ll just be paying the same amount for less choice

        Like

        • 35
          Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

          Only if you’re a spineless cretin who still pays it.

          Like

        • 40
          Marcus Brigstock says:

          No, I talk like some pretentious champagne socialist comedian who now he has made his money doesn’t care a jot for anyone else.

          Clear?

          Like

  4. 4
    Reader says:

    Sell the channel and let it sell advertising or put it on a pay per view channel of some kind.

    In fact, lets abolish the licence fee and do that to all the BBC TV channels.

    Like

    • 67
      Tuppence for the guy (rapid inflationary pressures...) says:

      You are preaching to the converted mate.

      Like

    • 73
      Mad Puking says:

      Then the BBC will die.

      Great idea, but thatcher failed to sell it off ?

      Like

    • 93
      Anonymous says:

      A management buyout perhaps, or how about the jokers on it buy it and pay for it with pay per view? No? thought not!

      Like

  5. 6
    PK says:

    RIP

    Like

    • 101
      Ichabod says:

      I wish the BBC would close down RADIO 3 as well. The endless broadcasting of Ravel (( who gets his own special day this Friday) and Debussy; the ghastly presenters ( epecially the females, i’m afraid) ; the persistent chat and trailers have rendered the station all too avoidable.

      Like

  6. 7
    Ed Miliband says:

    Young people need to rise up, vote Labour and we’ll deliver them all of the entertainment they need, to ensure they don’t have to think again.

    Labour – we’ll look after you and make sure everything you say and do is just right.

    Like

  7. 8
    Russel Kane-Howard says:

    I owned this channel LOL!!!!!!

    Like

    • 147
      That unfunny teenager, Russel something off MTW who used to suck up to Frankie Boyle says:

      No, I owned it!

      Like

  8. 9
    Liar.Politicians says:

    Good riddance to shit, and should be axed from online too, stop pissing money up a wall on crap.

    Like

    • 34
      The Tit in No 10 says:

      I say Old Chap!!! – one holds that the BliarBrown Bullshit Channel is dashed good value!

      Like

  9. 12
    Dorian Smith says:

    Might as well cull the thousands of journalists, took them ages to discover #PIEgate.

    Like

  10. 13
    Harbottle says:

    Breeding ground for comedy talent? STDs more like.

    Like

  11. 15
    BBC Four says:

    Will I need to rebrand?

    Like

  12. 16
    Seth MacFarlane says:

    Goddammit, that’s a ton of royalties I’m gonna lose now.

    Like

    • 54
      UKIP or bust says:

      Family Guy a ‘FOX’ (arghhh) cartoon was the only goodthing about it

      Like

      • 106
        Expat Geordie says:

        Bluestone 42 is quite good, which should find a home on the BBC1 Mrs Brown’s Boys slot. Other than that though, you’re right.

        Like

    • 120
      Anonymous says:

      American Dad and Family Guy the only things worth watching on BBC3. Perhaps they could go back to BBC2 where they were first shown.

      Like

      • 148
        Bye Bye BBC, BBC Bye Bye says:

        No room on BBC 2 now, it’s wall-to-wall repeats of Dad’s Army, Mock the Week and docu-dramas about Afro-Lesbians and FGM awareness programmes.

        Like

  13. 17
    broderick crawford says:

    Agreed , and why keep the online version ??

    Totally axe the retarded chav cretinous drivel that is bbc three.

    and what of bbc four ? at keast it us not retarded but its boring schedules do induce migadon – like deep sleep.

    Get all the excellent scandinavian /continental crine shows transferred to bbc one or two
    ….. then abolish bbc 4 also .

    niw … what about cbeebies ….and radio one extra not to nention radio four long wave …..

    Like

  14. 18
    timgoneglobal says:

    What were they thinking?
    Ah, they weren’t thinking at all. Unless driven by some grotesque urge to engage with popular taste, as viewed from a wine bar in one of the better parts of Acton.

    Like

  15. 19
    aurora borealis says:

    when I think of ‘bbc comedy’ I think of jonathonross and that bearded fool who thinks he’s a revolutionary – sorry I forget his name – but any of them are hardly funny so I suspect this channel is not going to be much missed.

    Like

    • 111
      Jack Ketch says:

      There is a channel shown on overseas cable and satellite called “BBC Prime” that is almost non-stop BBC classics, Thin Blue Line, Steptoe, Fawlty Towers, various Rommie Barkers, Abfab and so on. Send a day watching that stuff and reaslise what ABSOLUTE SHITE is now produced.

      Like

  16. 20
    The Critic says:

    Ah a true leader

    ‘It is something of a turnaround for Lord Hall, who said in October: “I wouldn’t consider closing a channel”.

    Just banishing it to obscurity instead. Better than it deserves though

    Like

  17. 20
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Like

  18. 22
    Sir William Wayde says:

    Well, obviously, telling people how to avoid spreading STDs or suffering infertility isn’t the job of a public service broadcaster. More game shows, please!

    Like

  19. 23
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Like

  20. 24
    chris says:

    Do people still watch BBC content?

    Like

  21. 26
    Whippersnapper2 says:

    I get it ALL online now anyway….what am I talking about I can’t recall watching BB3 – ever. It’s for kids and sub human teenies isn’t it?

    Like

  22. 27
    Ed 'the Soviet bear' Miliband says:

    Itth a cotht of BBC cwithith.

    Like

    • 72
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

      Quite right Ed.

      You should be calling on the government to axe the telly tax to ease the cotht of wiving cwithith on the poor and squeezed middle :-)

      Like

  23. 28
    Hang 'em High, - REALLY High (own piano wire supplied) says:

    In the (temporary) absence of the excellent ‘Drop a DC on the BBC’, I offer help in any way I can.

    Like

  24. 30
    Shooty* says:

    Yay! Do the Asian Network next! And 1Xtra!

    Like

  25. 32
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Grow a pair and stop paying the telly tax.

    I haven’t paid it for 9 years.

    I still get the odd letter addressed to “The Legal Occupier”, but as i know of no such person i burn them in the fireplace :-)

    Like

    • 37
      By-Passer 1017 says:

      + 1000

      Like

    • 46
      Jimmy Savile says:

      I always got an annual rebate from Aunty Beeb.

      Like

    • 49
      ʍȫʊʂʂȁ ҞϴџṦṦậ says:

      I just cannot understand why people begrudge paying the TV licence fee. The amount of content the BBC puts out, from TV to radio to online, news, documentaries, entertainment, music, the list is endless. And all advert-free. The latter is worth £12 a month on its own. Contrast this with the mind-numbing tripe that ITV puts out. Cowell-shite, Jungle-shite, Keith Lemon shite, Scam competitions all fucking day long etc etc. The BBC shelters us from this garbage.

      The £12 a month is phenomenal value for money. It could not be done unless everyone subscribed. If the way it is financed could be construed as ‘socialist’ then it just goes to show what can be done when the state, instead of private enterprise, works for the common good rather than profit.

      We can learn a lot from the way the BBC is constituted. Long may it continue.

      Like

      • 55
        Doogie Howser, M.D. says:

        Your meds are ready Mr Koussa

        Like

      • 85
      • 151
        Anonymous says:

        How does one receive the BBC you describe? You are not the only one to say this.
        However, when I turn on my TV and select BBC, it is full of soaps, game shows, trashy celeb vehicles and football.

        Like

        • 153
          Poor Bloody Taxpayer says:

          Not to mention smug leftie ‘comedians’. BBC 3 is full of self indulgent crap, just the sort of thing you would expect of anything approved by Tessa Jowell, as she was telling us on Newsnight last night.

          Like

    • 126
      Rabid dribbler says:

      Everyone knows the license fee is to cover the privilege of owning a TV, just so happens those monies are given to the corporation…

      It’s Westminster’s fault!!!

      Like

  26. 33
    Anonymous says:

    There’s a BBC3? Who knew?

    Like

  27. 36
    Reconstruct says:

    One down, three to go.

    Like

  28. 38
    Sid Viscous says:

    That’s the longest 66 seconds I’ve ever lived through.

    Vote UKIP.

    Like

  29. 41
    Ed Dafty, LimpDim MP, Climate Change Chieftain says:

    Like

    • 45
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

      So Labour are going down the same eco-loony tax bombshell route the Lib Dems are:

      Vote Lib/Lab for higher petrol prices

      Vote Lib/Lab for higher electricity and gas bills

      Vote Lib/Lab for higher council tax

      Vote Lib/Lab for higher income tax

      Bye bye Lib/Lab :-)

      Like

    • 80
      UKIP or bust says:

      Cue angry socialist Jon Snow in rainbow colour stockings with matching headscarf-tie and £3500 Savile Row suite standing in a dried up water hole with his decrepit old face all wrinkled up sneering and spluttering that the Tories have caused hose pipe ban’s with their cuts.

      Like

  30. 42
    Occupy Movement says:

    Free the BBC3

    Like

  31. 43
    Jimmy says:

    It was still better than shITV though.

    Like

    • 53
      Jimmy the Dhimmi says:

      Yeah, right. Drop into Specsavers on your way to the Jobcentre tomorrow. They’ll adjust those rose-tinted specs for you.

      Like

      • 64
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

        He’s beyond Specsavers help, he should apply for a guide dog :-)

        Like

  32. 47
    altruism in industry says:

    the actual technical costs must have gone down tremendously in the last decade or so what with the communications and excellent software available so presumably they can do a lot more now for the same money ?

    Like

  33. 48
    The Ebay page of Sarah and Gordoom McBrown says:

    For sale

    House of Commons security pass. 2014
    Hardly used.

    £30

    Like

  34. 50
    Steve Jobs says:

    So the BBC is now the exact opposite of modern technology.

    All modern technology maintains a steady price year on year with subsequent iterations offerings better/faster/shinier etc

    What do the BBC do? – Payoff a load of execs with vast quantities of dosh, spend thousands avoiding CAGW FOI requests, Employ an underworked Fatty Pang, and remove a channel that no-one but cheroot smoking, yurt living, Guardian readers have ever heard of.

    Like

    • 58
      The BBC are cunts says:

      In one. :)

      Like

    • 76
      Bill Quango MP says:

      BBC 3 is a channel for students, teenagers, drop outs, the stoned , the drunk, the easily amused or trendy teachers who went to try and appear down with the kids.

      BBC 4 is the one that no-one but cheroot smoking, yurt living, Guardian readers have ever heard of.

      Like

  35. 57
    Edna in Clapham says:

    Modern quasi socialist Britain for you:

    No morals
    No ethics
    No education
    No shame
    No integrity
    No backbone

    ….and the promotion of idiots, losers and sufferers of NPD

    What a mess!

    I blame Maggie for closing down all the mental institutions in the 80s. The ex inmates have taken over. So much for care in the community.

    Anyway, that’s what BBC3 represents so good riddance.

    Do I get a reduction in the licence fee?

    Like

    • 60
      Fatty Pang says:

      NO

      Like

    • 79
      Voice of reason says:

      Quasi socialist? – It IS socialist, not pretend.

      Like

      • 95
        Edna in Clapham says:

        Of course. Two dry sherries and verbosity takes over. I should have never have used the word quasi – don’t know what I was thinking about.

        Anyway, the blue marxist Cameron supports all this left wing/PC cr*p and I hate him. He’s spineless.

        Like

  36. 59
    Anonymous says:

    If I’d known there were tits on that channel I might have watched it.

    Like

    • 82
      Falk that sh*t says:

      You should watch the Revolution will be televised, there are plenty of tits on there

      Like

      • 137
        Anonymous says:

        Are you talking about the US backed tits and their failed Color Revolt? Check out YouTube: The Revolution Will Not Be Televised.

        Like

    • 150
      Bye Bye BBC, BBC Bye Bye says:

      Watch Newsnight – nothing but tits all year round.

      Like

  37. 63
    UKIP or bust says:

    Don’t get too excited rumour is they are starting a Gay channel!

    Nah, only joking.

    Like

  38. 68
    Bill Quango MP says:

    BBC 3 uses the Cbeebies channel, which switches off at 7pm when the toddlers go to bed.

    So CBeebies not transmitting must still attract more viewers then BBc 3 on air.
    No real surprise.

    Like

  39. 69
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    I CLOSED DOWN BBC3…..

    Like

  40. 78
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Miliband should be calling on the government to axe the telly tax to ease the cotht of wiving cwithith on the poor and squeezed middle :-)

    Like

  41. 87
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I can’t see how putting it online only will save much: most of a channel’s costs are incurred in commissioning and creating content.

    Still, if these Slebs are so concerned about it, they can take a fucking pay cut to save it.

    Like

    • 97
      Mong Watch says:

      I see your problem. You have never watched BBC3. :-)

      Like

    • 102
      Bill Quango MP says:

      Continue reading the main story
      BBC TV channel budgets 2013/14

      BBC One: £1,051m
      BBC Two: £415m
      BBC Three: £85m
      BBC Four: £49m
      CBBC: £79m
      CBeebies: £29m
      BBC News Channel: £53m
      BBC Parliament: £2m

      The channel’s service budget was £85m in 2013/14 – although moving the channel online would not eradicate those costs entirely.

      Since its launch in 2003, BBC Three has been the birthplace of numerous ratings successes, including Little Britain, Torchwood, Being Human and Gavin and Stacey.
      Any of those shows could and eventually did, fit comfortably on BBC2 or BBC1.

      Like

      • 110
        Expat Geordie says:

        Little Britain was “born” on Radio 4, and it was shit there. Watched it a couple of times on BBC3 and found it to be even more shit than the Radio 4 version. In fact there was a perfect phrase to describe “Little Britain” – “Witness the Shitness!”

        Like

      • 128
        lost socialists assoc says:

        as a channel it makes sense and as long its accessible online not a problem

        Like

      • 139
        Taffy Jones says:

        Not forgetting the £83 million that we pay for the Welsh language channel S4C. Many of their programmes achieve ZERO viewers yet the spending goes on. Can you spare a couple of bob for our Health Service please? Heart patients are dying for the want of treatment but at least all of the hospital signs are in Welsh. Blethyn garw ar y bymtheg, innit?

        Like

  42. 100
    Anonymous says:

    What about BBC Asian radio. Muzzie shit shut it down also.

    Like

  43. 103
    A Fine Pair of Lungs and I can prove IT! says:

    Ha ha ha! Utter shite anayway.Channel 4 will s-punk in celebration.

    Like

  44. 104
    A 95 year old on crack says:

    So I have to watch My Big Fat Teenage Ingrown Toenail on C(rap)4? and endlessly repeated on B(og)4. Super!

    Like

  45. 116
    Jack Ketch says:

    It does not take much of brain cell to work out that with an all-digital service that “experimental” or niche programming could move to “pay-for-view” together with some sporting events (to promote revenue). The problem is that Pay-per-view or subscription would not allow the BBC to promote crud that no one else wanted except the poufs and bolsheviks who are rimming the mates that they want to promote.

    Like

  46. 117
    mraemiller says:

    It seems today
    That all you see
    is programs that are purchased from US TV
    but where are all those old fashion channels
    on which we used to rely?

    Like

  47. 123
    Gawk W@nk's Fashion Tips on Crap4 and endlessly repeated on Bore4 says:

    If you want silly cows of all ages to get their titties out? Pretend you are gay. Gullible!

    Like

  48. 133
    Ann Frank's Drum-kit says:

    BBC 3 is shite – Bring back Underwater Bicycle Polo I say.

    Like

  49. 134
    Jimmy Savile, Hell says:

    Just in case anyone was fooled into thinking that is as low as the BBC has sunk.

    Like

  50. 138
    Too Thick To Stay On Topic says:

    Save The Rhino!

    Like

  51. 152
    JH45980923-095 says:

    I barely ever watch broadcast TV. I can honestly say that if I divide the cost of a TV license by the total duration of BBC programming I can actually bear to watch – maybe something like ‘Secret history of our streets’ – over the typical TV year, I would be paying about a tenner and hour. Not good value for money, is it?

    Thank god I don’t have a TV license. It’s a shame because there is simply brilliant television being made. Boardwalk Empire, Breaking Bad, True Detective, Mad Men – why can’t the BBC make something this good, given its massive unconditional resources? I am damned if I will pay the BBC to watch these on a television I own, in a house I own.

    Padding out the schedule with BBC3/4 crap, and endless repeats of said crap, doesn’t change a thing. “Mrs Brown’s Boys” has a prime time slot on BBC1. I rest my case.

    You should only supposedly ‘need’ a TV license if you watch BBC programmes. Not paying for one should be a civil, not criminal offense.

    Put the fuckers on a subscription model, and just watch their little Metropolitan Liberal bullshit blow up in their faces.

    Like

  52. 154
    olden1936 says:

    BBC3 to be scrapped? Good thing too, but where will the hordes of desperately un-talented would-be celebrities practice their witty-less efforts at humour, and their ongoing demolition of the English language, like totally, you know what I mean, innit? On BBC 2 or BBC4? My only worry as one tottering onwards without an I-player, is where will we view the American series, Family Guy?

    Like

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