March 4th, 2014

WATCH: Parliamentary Pancake Race 2014

Always at the cutting edge of new media technological advancement Guido experimented with some multi-platform reporting this morning, sending his senior Vine correspondent down to the Parliamentary Pancake Race. Neo-Guido has been going to this event for the best part of half a decade and he can confirm that Stephen Pound’s jokes have not got any funnier in that time. Nick Robinson was once again chasing the print media this morning, while the sharp elbows of the BBC’s Robbie Gibb were felt in the ribs of politicians not for the first time. Congratulations to the winners: the Lords. Missing their chief-tosser Lord Rennard…


  1. 1
    General De Gaulle says:

    Anybody get batter on their face?

  2. 2
    Spartacus says:

    Presumably the pancakes conform to the 1,327 page eu document on acceptable pancake mixture, tossing and manufacture

  3. 3
    Airey Belvoir says:

    What a bunch of tossers!

  4. 4
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    Lard Rennard ? Never heard of him.

  5. 5
    Herman van Rumpboy says:

    Several breaches of ‘Elf ‘n’ Safety there.

    The fine is in the post.

  6. 6
    Ed Moribund says:

    The hardworkingfamilies of this country have to make do with just leftovers of eggs and batter as they cannot afford a real supper.

    its a cost of flipping crisis!

  7. 7
    Nworb Nodrog says:

    Plus the 1643 page addendum on the flour grinding, the 2584 pages on the eggs and the 15,000+ pages on clean water – etc.

  8. 8
    A Tax-Payer says:

    Always a delight to see how my hard-earned cash is pissed up the wall by the elite.

  9. 9
    Mrs Harpersons Boys says:

    Tory Scum.

  10. 10
    Lard Preszza says:

    Are tut foodbanks open yet, lad?
    I’m starved so thin me ribs is showing.

  11. 11
    Ed says says:

    yeah sod imminent Armageddon in Ukraine – we’ve got tossing on the agenda

  12. 12
    ss says:

    Tossers one and all, 650 of them!

  13. 13
    Vlad Putin says:

    I am going to crush you like eggs, you bureaucratic worms.

  14. 14
    Rufus Hound says:

    I and all my friends and fans say vote Labour!

    but just like the 1980s we all secretly want the Tories to win so we don’t have to pay 95% tax.

  15. 15
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    I’m no pancake expert, but I can spot a tosser when I see one.

  16. 16
    An awkward bastard says:

    I trust there are no sexual perverts in this race.

  17. 17
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    This will accelerate U default:

    NB: P’tin gave assurances at start of move into Cr!mea that gas would not be used as a weapon. However, this move was also announced then, now confirmed and in place.

    U was getting a 45% price reduction on gas price that it purchases from R-Fed, and were unable to pay the bill for that.

    U already has outstanding gas debt of $1.55 bn owed to R-Fed.

  18. 18
    Mdm Da Farge says:

    and what about heath and safety, did someone do a risk assessment before they started??

  19. 19
    Rinka Scott says:

    It is hard to believe that this lot have just led us into war.

  20. 20
    A Ship's Lawyer says:

    I would not give a Ukrainian £1.55 in credit let alone $1.55bn !

  21. 21
    Unelectable Ed Miliband says:

    One has a cook to do this sort of thing for one.

  22. 22
    Alexander Dandy says:

    This is financial incompetence at the very heart of the Russian administration.

    Putin out I say

  23. 23
    Ed Miliband says:

    I can make omelettes without breaking eggs.

  24. 24
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    I have been in this toilet cubicle for 3 days now. Is it safe to come out yet?

  25. 25
    Nero - Even I have my limits says:

    On the brink of WW3 and the fuckers are pissing around with pancakes.

    You really couldn’t make it up.

  26. 26
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    R-Fed also openly talking today about dropping USD and not honouring US debt in event of sanctions.


    A fairly hefty sabre to pull out.

  27. 27
    Drone Commander says:


  28. 28
    Ed Redface says:

    I am often called a flipping tosser.

  29. 29
    The End says:

    And so it begins.

  30. 30
    tossing pancakes for pleasure says:

    Seeing there quite a few kids, have the contestants and grown up hangers on been CRB checked.

  31. 31
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    It would not really be WWIII.

    The concern is that Europe would not survive a direct confrontation between US and R-Fed, which the US would win.

    This is the position that EU incompetence has taken us.

    One hopes that the US does not alter its negative view of Europe much further.

    The reality is that having proved itself worthless the EU is fully disposable in this game.

  32. 32
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    NB: Hope is not a strategy.

  33. 33
    Moddy botted again says:

    About time Dave sorted out the two timing, disreputable, lying, two faced, dishonest, untrustworthy, sexual predatory, incompetent yellow bastards.

  34. 34
    any old crap says:

    I presume Dave’s will have to have a new broom on his PR team, maybe he will find someone who can actually do the job as for the last 4 years his PR has been rubbish and rocky to say the least what with all the U turns and none attack of Liebour failings coming to light it’s been.

  35. 35
    Diane (in training) says:

    I’m on the 5:2 diet so will have 5 pancakes and 2 pies for my lunch. It’s what we big girls do.

  36. 36
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    US now opting to throw further money directly at the U:

    Given outstanding debts and corruption in the country it is likely money wasted.

    If US wishes to follow this path it would be wiser to discuss directly with U’s principal creditors – ie. R-Fed and Ch!na.

  37. 37
    David Cummerbund says:

    Things have never been batter.

  38. 38
    War war says:

    Hague is on tv news now, it’s nothing to do with us, stay out of it, you will end up starting WWIII, screw using the problem just to be on the telly.

  39. 39
    Boracic says:

    Just borrow it from the Ukrainian co-up. Red Ed and chums got a cheap deal so should be fine.

  40. 40
    Diane Abbot says:

    Try the seafood diet.

    Seafood and eat it.

  41. 41
    Eric Pickles says:

    My pancake disappeared somehow.

  42. 42
    Cast Iron Dave says:


  43. 43
    Ed Miliband says:

    I will freeze the energy prices in Uranium if I win in 2015.

  44. 44
    C O (Ξ4) says:

    This is a very good analysis of EU failings viz U, worth reading:

    One point raised is that G’ermany was lead on EU’s eastern strategy, but UK had withdrawn from EU Foreign Policy ages ago, and was concerned about straining relations further with M’oscow.

    It is clear where the hawkish East European countries have stood, and stood behind G’ermany.

    UK stood back because it was frozen out of EU Foreign Policy making by the EU itself some time back, as well as other areas of EU governance.

    This makes a very strong case for exiting the EU, but also clearly underlines that the EU is the single biggest strategic threat that the UK faces at present.

    Between the lines: it indicates that US thinking is still sympathetic towards the UK (slight relief) but the EU is distinctly out of favour.

  45. 45
    He cares, we don't says:

    Listening to Hague, he’s sending out people to help in the economic and technical help and corruption, surely some mistake, wouldn’t it be better to send people Britain to help the people be free from corruption from the politicians

  46. 46
    Observant says:

    Oh shit, dropping the USD is the economic neutron bomb. If R-fed do that will China follow? Interesting times.

  47. 47
    David Cameron says:

    Money is no object!

  48. 48
    Satoshi Nakamoto says:

    Let’s use Bitcoin instead of the (once) mighty USD as the reserve currency.

  49. 49
    I says:

    These arseholes do this every year. They are just a bunch of lazy twats who will use any excuse to get out of doing an honest day’s work.

  50. 50
    New Lies for Old says:

    Ho, ho, ho…

    …it is looking like Anatoliy Golitsyn’s prediction is coming true…

  51. 51
    I says:

    Agreed. I will feel a whole lot safer if HM Government would just shut the fuck up.

  52. 52
    Shit just doesn't happen says:

    It’s not fair, the Russians get a real leader, in Vladimir Putin, to run their country and all we get are all nonces!

  53. 53
    Peter Grimes says:

    If Lord Rennard is the chief-tosser is Berkov the dwarf used in dwarf-tossing or is that the state he is left in now that Sally Bersillycow is running free?

  54. 54
    Small Business says:

    True. Local government in many parts of the UK is now burdened by endemic corruption. Much of our;public sector is in thrall to predatory croney capitalists – despite being a nation of vibrant small businesses, the public sector typically only interfaces with corrupting, globalised, non-taxpaying oligopolists.

  55. 55
    The Critic says:

    Has some lefty politician announced an energy price freeze plan?

    Our energy companies must be thinking hard about how to engineer a 45% price increase here. Can you hire private armies by the hour?

  56. 56
    I feel fubarred etc ... says:

    As the lady rightly remarked: “F*** the EU”. Now let’s see some positive action along those lines.

  57. 57
    broderick crawford says:

    They were all very good at it actually.

    One of them in profike looked very much like our Rt Hon Dave .

    Perhaps this is a celestisl sign for all at the Palace of W to change their life direction.

    From being politicians to their true forte …. tossing .

  58. 58
    Sheikh Basha Banka says:

    When you leave countries with their own sovereign currencies it is perfectly legal for them to do this type of thing from time to time.

  59. 59
    testing crap says:

    If it were only the political trough their proboscides were worming their way into…

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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