February 28th, 2014

Friday Caption Contest (Affiliation Edition)


  1. 1
    Steve Miliband says:

    How nice of you to give me an audience Harriet

  2. 2
    abonae says:

    Suffer the little children

  3. 3
    thedukeofhunslet says:

    I’m sorry holy father, I tried to change the law for you but failed.

  4. 4
    Scallywag says:

    We’ve got lots to talk about!

  5. 5
    Lord Denning says:

    Looking at his boots, does he do Elvis impersonations?

  6. 6
    Scallywag says:

    I’ve got stockings and suspenders on under this frock…what are you wearing Harriet?

  7. 7
    Steve Miliband says:

    I have fingers in many Pies

  8. 8
    Mrs Harpersons Boys says:

  9. 9
    Pope says:

    Pope: “..and I said you can stick that up your @rse!!”

  10. 10
    Cabbage says:

    Klu Klux Klan unveil new yellow headgear.

  11. 11
    Kevin Claxton says:

    …and afterwards, my room is on the 2nd floor, end of the corridor. Knock 3 times….

  12. 12
    Scallywag says:

    Hello Harriet…do you like my little bald pussy over there in the fire place?

  13. 13
    King Canute says:

    Ms Harman, pedophilia was all the rage in the 80s. Now we must be more circumspect…

  14. 14
    Steve Miliband says:

    Jack you could have told me it was a fancy dress party.

  15. 15
    just a thought says:

    My manservant has made a tasty PIE for lunch.

  16. 16
    Graham says:

    So Harriet, my colleagues would be interested to compare notes with you about the work of the PIE

  17. 17
    Welshracer says:

    Pope “Like Dorothy, I shall not let the wicked witch get her hands on my red shoes”

  18. 18
    shaun says:


  19. 19
    Clare Neill says:

    Harriet: Ooh Monsignor, where did you get those red shoes?

    Pope Francis: Please don’t call me Monsignor

  20. 20
    broderick crawford says:

    RATZO TO HARRLOTT: I didn t know you were a left footer my child .

    HARRLOTT TO RATZO : I m not a left footer ….. and I m my husband s child !

  21. 21
    Peter Grimes says:

    So, Holy Father, would you prefer me to deliver up Tony Blair to you or someone much younger?

  22. 22
    Steve Miliband says:

    Fancy picking out your car keys from the bowl!

  23. 23
    Nworb Nodrog says:

    Looking at his boots, did he do Elvis impersonations?

    There, fixed that for you!

  24. 24
    jgm2 says:

    So Holy Father, you only have to click your ruby slippers together and repeat

    ‘There’s no place like a children’s home, there’s no place like..’

  25. 25
    Ellie-Mae (9) says:

    Oh lord, my keyboard!

  26. 26
    Pope says:

    Harriet in black, mourning the death of socialism.

  27. 27
    Rickytshirt says:

    It’s nice to finally meet someone as infallible as myself.

  28. 28
    still walking into darkness says:

    One of us resigned over allegations of child abuse in the organisations we ran

  29. 29
    dave says:

    Can I have the Tony Blair forgiveness package please?

  30. 30
    Peter Grimes says:

    I can show you my bald pussy if you like, Holy Father. Jack says it revolts him!

  31. 31
    Mitch for Brighton says:

    Benedict, can you make Dr Payne + Gerry McCann members of the special club ?

  32. 32
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Pope PIE-us the XIII?

  33. 33
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “I’m just a poor girl, from a poor family.. .”

  34. 34
    Julian the Wonderhorse says:

    Can I place an advert in your magazine please?

  35. 35
    Lord Denning says:

    He was alive the last I heard?

  36. 36
    OkBurt says:

    I see you’ve had a slice of our PIE, Harriet

  37. 37
    broderick crawford says:

    it s pope benedict yah fecking idiot … the new one s farnces ….. i think !!

  38. 38
    Martin says:

    You may kneel if you prefer Holy Father

  39. 39
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Mirror mirror on the the wall who’s the biggest pedo of them all.

  40. 40
    I think not says:

    Ebony and Ivory, living in perfect..

  41. 41
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Faith, Pope and Chastisement.

  42. 42
    I HATE PIE says:

    Paedos? I thought you said Speedos!

  43. 43
    Kiss my ring says:

    Let us prey.

  44. 44
    dai laughing says:

    i tried that on a bbc comments page referring to priestly child abuse

    it didn’t pass ‘moderation’

  45. 45
    Notorious F.I.G. says:

    God’s chosen disciple on earth. And the Pope.

  46. 46

    Listen Harri, early day motions, isn’t something I can cope with.. I’ll just stick with ex-lax

  47. 47
    Anonymous says:

    So, you think 10 is ok?

  48. 48
    David Chappell says:

    Will you marry me?

  49. 49
    Anonymong says:

    Would you like to stay for dinner? I’ve made a lovely PIE.

  50. 50
    BinfieldWoodsman says:

    “I have always wondered what personal grooming products you use”

    “I find KitKats work quite well……”

  51. 51
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    2 PIE arghhhh!

  52. 52
    Amit Phander says:

    That fat kid likes sausage PIE

  53. 53
    dai laughing says:


  54. 54
    Anonymong says:

    KitKats are my favourite. I can never get more than four fingers in a PIE.

  55. 55
    Time 2 CTRL, ALT & DEL says:

    Trouble is Dave has kept it alive.

  56. 56
    Refuses To Apologise, Sound Familiar? says:

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    Me confess Father, you must be joking!

  58. 58
    Steve Miliband says:

    Yes, I am familiar with St Paul

  59. 59
    Al_your Pal says:

    Harriet: Let me get this right… it’s 14 if married, but 18 if single, yes?

    Pope: Correct, but it’s a little different for boys. They must be 16 and married, but 18 if single.

    Harriet: All a little confusing… could you draw me a PIE chart?

  60. 60
    Rt Hon H H'arman says:

    Would you care for some PIE ?

  61. 61
    Anonymong says:

    I know some people that can assist with your priestholes problem.

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    You should crawl before you can walk my dear, you should have made short trousers in junior school law first….

  63. 63
    Gail Bait says:

    Popey to Harriet: “…and of course it’s not easy being celibate, as you probably know….”

  64. 64
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    Pope “Harriet,you naughty lady,you’ve just farted in front of me”

    Harriet “I’m so sorry,your holiness,I didn’t realise it was your turn.”

  65. 65
    C.O.Jones says:

    Harriet gets a surprise when she meets the Hitler youth.

  66. 66
    Bob says:

    Did you hear the one about the choirboy with a centre parting?…

  67. 67
    Bill Quango MP says:

    You want me to perform an exorcism on the Devil? And he is here on earth? Editing the Daily Mail?

  68. 68
    Scallywag says:


  69. 69
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I have papal infallibility. What’s your excuse?

  70. 70
    Pontiff says:

    Shall we exchange information.

  71. 71
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Pope says to Harman i’ve written a new nursery rhyme would you like to hear it?

    Little Jack Dromey
    Sat in his homey
    Reading an edition of PIE;
    He pulled out his thumb,
    And stuck it up his bum,
    And said ‘What a gay boy am I!’

  72. 72
    Pope says:

    I hear your husband has become a sodomite ?

  73. 73
    PIE vendor says:

    Magpie out! Magpie out! Magpie out!

  74. 74
    Harriet Hatemen says:

    Forgive them Father , for they have sinned. But it wasn’t me. I’m not sorry for anything

  75. 75
    Jack says:

    A beautiful display of PIEty.

  76. 76
    Poet's day says:

    Either: “mea culpa … not”

  77. 77
    Gerbil 7 says:

    “Lessons WILL be learned”

  78. 78
    Harriet Hatemen says:

    Sorry Grandad. We don’t do God.

  79. 79
    Sir Dando Tweakeshafte says:

    “…and of course, it isn’t a sin if you don’t enjoy it…”

  80. 80
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Hello Harriet. Have you finally come to confess?

  81. 81
    Tom says:

    I am the wrong one to give you a smear test

  82. 82
    SNAFU says:

    I can assure you father none of the kids where catholic.

  83. 83
    Reader says:

    Resign? What on earth gives you that idea?

  84. 84
    Tony Smooth says:

    Sorry Hattie! I may be some time yet..now where we..1998..ah yes..the health stat lies

  85. 85
    Could be either says:

    So, you like wearing dresses and are a nonce too?

  86. 86
    Guido says:

    Love Cock? Love LibLabCon.

  87. 87
    bystander says:

    What on earth where you doing there !!!

  88. 88
    Rt Hon H H'arman says:

    If I go down, I am taking Miliband with me. ** innocent face **

  89. 89
    Lord and Lady Establishment-Stooge of Brussels says:

    Nice dress.

  90. 90
    Purplelline see says:

    You see, your holy see, I see what others see, but do not seek to see young children seeing me seeing them as children. I see them as willing & able to participate in this world as adults you see, your holy see.

  91. 91
    Nigel Farage doppelganger says:

    I seek holly absolutions for the sins i didn’t commit or the apology i will not give.

  92. 92
    Cabbage says:

    Pope denies reports Ronald McDonald influencing Vatican policy.

  93. 93
    Back1woodsman says:

    My Jack wore a frock just like that, for his all women shortlist selection meeting.

  94. 94
    Jack Dromey says:

    Winner! Brilliant! Eh, what am I saying???

  95. 95
    Round the Bend says:

    “Do you know, that just like you, my husband Mrs Dromey also wears a dress”.

  96. 96
    Arch says:

    “I’m afraid I’m having a problem with your demand for an all women shortlist for the next Pope”

  97. 97
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    Two people who have problems with their memberships of “youth” organisations.

  98. 98
    Clapping support against policies she supported says:

  99. 99
    Carry Hole is a porcine homunculus says:

    Hehe brilliant.

  100. 100
    RtHonJon says:

    “So, I understand you have the world’s largest number of PIE members per person?”

  101. 101
    Mzzzz. Hatefilled HoreMoan, the LieBore 'Gal with a Grin' says:

    Wanna suck my noodle?

  102. 102
    Anonymous says:

    And I’m really enjoying your shoes too.

  103. 103
    Barreness Horseface of Private Plane, - yet another NooBoringLiar Clitorati placeperson says:

    Seriously though, – now that it is clear that I have successfully brokered peace in the Yoocrane, I confidently expect even more staff, Office Space, honours ….

    Thank you.

  104. 104
    Cap Shone says:

    Pope: “Shiiit, biiitch! Even we haven’t advocated fucking 4 year olds! The fuck is wrong with you, ho? Damn!”

  105. 105
    Anonymous says:

    Oh look. Its P.I.E in action.

  106. 106
    Jack says:

    My hair! – don’t forget my hair-do what I had done special.

  107. 107
    Anonymous says:

    Harriet: Are you hiding a small child under there or are you just pleased to see me?

  108. 108
    Dorothy says:

    Which one is the good witch and the bad witch?

    As you look left and right side is East Wicked, West Good.

  109. 109
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Suffer the little children to come unto them.

  110. 110
    Lost in the wilderness says:

    I’m Pope-pie the Naz(st)i man,
    I’m Pope -pie the Naz(st)i man,
    your kids we will pillage
    or burn down your village
    I’m Pope-pie the naz(st)i man

  111. 111
    Bystander #78 says:


  112. 112
    Disco Biscuit says:

    “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned”

  113. 113
    Sir Bentley Pauncefoot (deceased) says:

    “…but of course they’re only children, so obviously there’s an absolute ban on having a ciggy afterwards…”

  114. 114
    cornwall storms says:

    A meeting of like minded ostriches with their heads in the sand.

  115. 115
    The Critic says:

    I demand an all women shortlist for the next papal election your holiness

  116. 116
    Holy Father says:

    Pass me another boy, this one’s split…

  117. 117
    Displaced Brummie says:

    “Funny thing is, I want to stop my followers from having sex with children, yet you want to encourage your followers to have sex with children. Why?”

    “I am sorry, I cannot quite understand you!”

  118. 118
    Pub wankers club says:

    Let us spray…

  119. 119
    Libertie(s) says:

    Two world leaders (Irony chip malfunction) share a common problem

  120. 120
    Cynic2 says:

    One is whiter than white

  121. 121
    Tayto says:

    Can you get your peados to ring my peados and all will be fine

  122. 122
    Macca says:

    … living in perfect harmonpie

  123. 123
    Shurdyrover says:

    It’s PIE in the sky honest !

  124. 124
    Afghanistan Banana Stand says:

    Would you describe yourself as a PIEous man?
    If so, I have a couple of back issues of NCCL magazine you might be interested in…

  125. 125
    Blue Peter Goldfish says:

    Has Dromey got a pair?. In the olden days a woman tried to sneak in as pope; therefore for years, every time there was a new pope, they had a “pope penis tester” check to see if it was really a male. An assistant lifted up the robe, and when the pope penis tester saw the balls, he would proclaim in Latin “They are there” and the pope candidate was allowed to become pope.
    The job of the “pope penis tester” went out several centuries ago.
    Time to bring it back?.

  126. 126
    Jack Ketch says:

    The Pope wears Red Shoes because he like his friends to call him Dorothy.

  127. 127
    taxpayer-funded astroturfing EU troll says:

    I really shouldn’t be here………

  128. 128
    starkblender says:

    “You do realise that I am completely infallible?”

    “Yes, dear, and so is your husband Jack.”

  129. 129
    Scottish Chav says:

    … and liar shall speak unto Friar

  130. 130
    Phil says:

    Well if 10 is too young, how about 12?

  131. 131
    Blueberry says:

    Is it safe? Hmm? Is it safe? … don’t make me get my dental tools… Is it safe?

  132. 132
    Barnehurst Bob says:

    Both: You made a mistake trying to cover up your previous support of those commiting child abuse.


    Both: A mistake!…. I’m infallable!

  133. 133
    Maimed Cadger says:

    I think your Party and mine have a similar problem, shall we compare notes ?

  134. 134
    Elvis says:


  135. 135
    indefinite leave to remain in the UK says:

    Sorry Father, been there, done that, didn’t work.

  136. 136
    Jack Ketch says:

    It wasn’t just the penis–it was the overall genitals. The pope-elect was required to sit on a special chair with a cut-out section that allowed a manual check to take place. If all correct an announcement was made ‘testiculos habet et bene pendentes’. A loose translation being: ‘testicles he has and well-hung ones’.
    Maybe a myth, but more likely just an excuse for the gayers to cop a feel.

  137. 137
    Angus Curran says:

    I read in your Daily Mail that Jack prefers the B.B.C?

  138. 138

    Is that Harriet Harman, who contestants on “Perfection” quiz programme just identified as a Tory MP? How trasient was her fame…

  139. 139
    bergen says:

    You know the form. How do I bluff my way out of this ?

  140. 140
    Anonymous says:

    Now my uncle had a load of mags’, interested ?

  141. 141
    harryet says:

    The pies have it.

  142. 142
    Anonymous says:

    Pope: I’ve been told you’re a right old cow.

  143. 143
    Met says:

    Good cop, bad cop.

  144. 144
    David says:

    I understand your interests would fit in nicley but I am sorry we don’t do women priests !

  145. 145
    Peter Grimes says:

    Don’t be daft, with a simple test like that they’d likely give the job to Ed Bollox’ husband, Yvette!

  146. 146
    Froggie says:

    kiss my ring

  147. 147
    Harriet says:

    I support and admire your work, some kids are just too sexy.

  148. 148
    I agree with Nick says:

    Pair of cunts!

  149. 149
    I agree with Nick says:

    Oh, my husband likes big black cocks too!

  150. 150
    I agree with Nick says:

    PIE reestablished at the Vatican.

  151. 151
    I agree with Nick says:

    I see we’ve both been fingered over our pedophile links!

  152. 152
    Anonymous says:

    “Here in Vatican City, we have the lowest age of consent in Europe. Cool huh ? “

  153. 153
    Morgan's Organ says:

    Love your outfit Harriet, I was told your husband likes black.

  154. 154
    Graham says:

    So Jack likes big black cocks ? Up his arse or does he suck them off ?

  155. 155
    The Great British Public says:

    Harriet, I’m afraid you’re a little too old for me my dear.

  156. 156
    I d on't need no doc tor says:

    Harman : “I’m afraid Pope I really am holier than thou”.

  157. 157
    I d on't need no doc tor says:

    Harman “Really Pope, and I thought it was just me that got moderated on Guido’s site”.

  158. 158
    Genghiz the kahn says:

    Benedictus: later Harriet later.

  159. 159
    Anonymous says:

    How are your children?

  160. 160
    Graham says:

    Of course you can bugger 4 year olds. They really do like to be priests’ holes.

  161. 161
    RomaBob.... working hard for you! says:

    Comparing notes :)

  162. 162
    Benedict says:

    “If anyone causes one of these little ones – those who believe in me – to stumble, it would be better for them if a large millstone were hung around their neck and they were thrown into the sea. (Mark 9:42)”

  163. 163
    Top of the Popes says:

  164. 164
    logic says:

    Welcome to the darkside… We’ve been expecting you.

  165. 165
    Pope Benny says:

    Well, at least I resigned

  166. 166
    Roma person learning Eeengleeesh says:


  167. 167
    melvin says:

    Nope, hasn’t been a Farnese pope for centuries.

  168. 168
    dbopenlock says:

    Harperson: “You would be the Pope on Monday and then there would be a Woman Pope on Tuesday and then on Wednesday you would be the Pope and on Thursday it would be the Woman Pope again and so forth. It’s a perfectly simple solution to achieve equality”

  169. 169
    Sandalista says:


  170. 170
    Roma person learning Eeengleeesh says:

    Frances is a gal, Francis is the fella.

  171. 171
    User name : Harriet, Password: Harman says:

    So Harriet are we agreed that child molestation by Priests will be legalised in your White Paper ?

  172. 172
    ss says:

    Thank you Hatty 3 14 year olds perfect, blessings from god.

  173. 173
    myhusbandlikesbigblackcock says:

    “I’m an enabler of paedophiles, too”.

  174. 174
    Mick says:

    Three pussies by the fire…

  175. 175
    Dai Bando says:

    Harriet to Benedict,Suffer the little children to come unto me.

  176. 176
    RichUpNorth says:

    Go on, Hattie, do that Basic Instinct thing where you cross your legs!

  177. 177
    Harriet'sHairPie says:

    Ratzo: So, will you finally answer the question that has been asked by so many? Do you have a landing strip or an amazon jungle?

  178. 178
    Anonymous says:

    Red shoes – no knickers…

  179. 179
    Now then, now then, now then says:

    A 17 Year old boy has been accused of raping a 14 year old girl.

    Or as it is known at the BBC, Work Experience.

  180. 180
    David Cameron Is A Cunt says:

    Ahh so it’s not just Paedophilia that we have in common then.

  181. 181
    Read the minutes, Jack says:

    …so what we do, Harriet, is just move them on to a new diocese.

  182. 182
    When Benny Met Harry says:

    Benny, I love the fact that we have some much in common, both being old National Socialists means we don’t have to have a care about kiddies being fidlled!

  183. 183
    Diocese or disease says:

    Exactly right, Evil Eyes Benedict used to be in Berlin Central when he was a jaunty old Hitle.r youth ahem, “conscript” then he gets moved evntually to Rome, interesting.

  184. 184
    Schweizermag says:

    Big Black Cocks? Never miss it.

  185. 185
    Sins of the spouse says:

    It’s been 30years since my last regretting

  186. 186
    Should be says:

    Suffer them to come into little children?

  187. 187

    And who is wearing the split crutch onsies?

  188. 188
    Aparat says:

    Is there anything better than the self-explanatory:


  189. 189
    4 and 20 Blackbirds Baked in a Pie says:

    Does New Labour = Pie R Squared
    How did you brake the code

  190. 190
    Gary Bloke says:

    If the Devil cast his net now, what a catch he should have!

  191. 191
    Sid Cleverbollocks says:

    Yeah, Vaseline’s fine but I often find that just a good spit into the palm of your hand does the trick… What about you?

  192. 192
    Fitbad the Tailor says:

    Pope: “So how much would affiliation cost?”

  193. 193
    Rightallalong says:

    Pope: ‘I’m being smeared by my daily male too’.

  194. 194
    peech imspediment says:

    D’ya want a sweet, little boy?

  195. 195
    Contra mundes says:

    “Bless me Father, for I strongly deny all the allegations which have been made against me.”

  196. 196
    Anonymous says:

    Disturbing but funny.

  197. 197
    domino says:

    No your holiness, Sabrina sangs Boys, Boys, Boys I just helped supply Boys, Boys, Boys.

  198. 198
    Harriet Harman says:

    Do you have a Jim’ll Fix It badge too?

  199. 199
    Cynic says:

    i hope you don’t mind but i just ordered takeaway – the Sistine Chapel Choir will be in soon

  200. 200
    frank says:

    Our Flag is deepest red, from social services care home kids is shed.
    We burned our clothing and hard drives

  201. 201
    The Cheshire Cat says:

    Harriet: Oh….I was expecting His Holiness…

    Pontiff: Apologies, my child…I’m standing in for Tony Blair

  202. 202
    I love gay marriage says:

    Harriet: What a lovely thick carpet
    Pope: Yes, you should see what we’ve managed to sweep under it…

  203. 203
    Surr Nob Skelpoff says:

    A good slice of PIE will soon straighten you out Pope Bendy Dick.

  204. 204
    Ratbag says:

    HH..Just to let you know..there will be a charabanc of boy scouts arriving in Rome next Saturday.

    Ratzy: Thank you you hideous twat.

  205. 205
    Ron B says:

    Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven

  206. 206
    Ethelred the Unsteady says:

    Harriet: Look Benedict, I know all about the Peter Principle – I ‘m the living proof of it – what’s your excuse ?

  207. 207
    Offa's Dyke says:

    No Benny, I’m the MP for Peckham, not FuckHam!

  208. 208
    Harriet Harman says:

    Your Holiness, does your 5 year old son want to fuck me?

  209. 209
    michael says:

    Please remind Jack that all our choristers are 10 years old
    and since Tony has converted perhaps you could pigeon-hole him too.

  210. 210
    Anonymous says:

    “Friday Caption Contest”
    Being infallible. Would you mind explaining to me how politics, science, and religion would continue, if they allowed humanity to go extinct?
    Well your popeness, its like this…

  211. 211
    geordieboy says:

    I am purer than pure and whiter than white what about you , you lefty paedo loving shite

  212. 212
    Sir Mary Flappes says:

    “Please don’t pontificate Ratzi. That’s my job.”

  213. 213
    Peter Pan says:

    Harman, probably the most hated woman in the UK

  214. 214
    UK Fred says:

    PIE Arse Queer(ed)

  215. 215
    Colin says:

    “…but the Pope did not influence my decisions in any way.”

  216. 216
    pay day says:

    So, you are infallible too

  217. 217
    Papal Noncio says:

    No Ben – I’m not in mourning – I just like to wear my heart on my sleeve

  218. 218
    Who ate all the PIE says:

    “Bugger the kids, I’ll do the policy you provide the logistics”

  219. 219
    hoomoo17 says:

    Perhaps I Envisioned Perfectly Innocent Endeavors Performed In Ealing!

  220. 220
    Xavier Onassis says:

    Ratzinger speaks –

    “Nice of you to grant me an audience Harriet – I’ve always wanted to meet somebody who REALLY is infallable. But I don’t think my followers will be happy with your suggestion we worship you instead of Jesus – I’ll leave that to the BBC.”

  221. 221
    Anonymous says:

    Carlsberg don’t make perverts, but if they did…

  222. 222
    Albert Onestone says says:

    Four thirds PIE are squared times two.

  223. 223
    Enemy of the State says:

    El Pappa – “How come you never told me David Cameron is your cousin?”

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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