February 24th, 2014

Tory Spin-Doctor Arrested Over Alleged ‘Cannibal’ Assault Two Men Bitten in Bloody Hampshire Brawl

Adrian Yalland, a former Tory candidate and fixer for various Tory MPs has been arrested for assault after apparently biting two men during a brawl in Hampshire. The video below is alleged to show Yalland, formerly a spinner for spin shop Chelgate, attacking a man on a quiet street in Stockbridge:

Hampshire Police confirmed in a statement to Guido: “Police were called at 4.10 p.m. on Thursday, February 20 following a report of a dispute outside an address on Stockbridge High Street. A 56-year-old man and a 46-year-old man both from Stockbridge suffered minor injuries. A 44-year-old man from Marchwood was arrested on suspicion of assault. He has been bailed pending further enquiries until March 27.”

Yalland handled the press for Nigel Evans when he was charged and has worked with various MPs including Andrew Bridgen and Nadine Dorries.

  • A Tory spokesperson says: “This is a matter for the police.”
  • Nigel Evans’ office says: “I don’t think we can make any comment.”
  • Adrian Yalland was not answering his phone today.

Not the best PR spin strategy…

Video via Nadine O’Connor.

UPDATE: April 26: Yalland says the police are not pressing charges against him.


  1. 1
    Gnasher of the Yard says:

    Unless he swallowed, the claim of cannibalism would seem to be unjustifed.


    • 5
      Lord Wellhard says:

      Why are political parties so infested with pervs and poofs?


    • 24
      Oversexed liar says:

      Does that make my girlfriend a cannibal?


    • 25
      M102 says:

      Makes a nice change from hearing about them pillow biting.


    • 27

      I feel sorry for anybody who couldn’t sort that fat c-nt out without whining for the police !


    • 29
      Tory Big Girl's Blouse watch says:

      A couple of little scratches? FFS get worse than that doing the pruning.

      Looks more like a sissy fight using phone cameras.


    • 30
      This country is getting ridiculous says:

      Why on earth are the police involved in a playground scrap, haven’t they got better things to do like fighting crime?


    • 45
      Maqboul says:

      There’s never a kebab shop around when you need one.


    • 67
      Dracula says:

      It’s love at first bite.


    • 71
      Dave Cameron says:

      I don’t remember him at Eton.


    • 119
      Jack says:

      Thunderclap migraines

      That sounds right up Flower Power’s street

      Does the Tory Party have to retain candidates like this?

      He looks like an oligarch’-s bodyguard

      How low can politics in the UK fall?


    • 125
      Anonymous says:

      You obviously never been to Bristol


    • 126
      Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

      There should be a Glasgow drunkeness scale going from paralytic to Eric Joyce.

      And a Glasgow nutter scale going from psycho to Gordon Brown :-)


    • 128
      jgm2 says:

      We also have the Bristol Stool scale, presumably because Bristol is so fucking shit.

      Do you think we could introduce the ‘Brighton Homosexuality Scale’ ranging from 1 – 10

      Where 1 is ‘Not even slightly bi-curious’ to 10 – ‘Makes John Inman look macho’


    • 151
      Gooey Blob says:

      Tories are now going on the offensive and attacking Red Ed directly. I guess they’ve decided it’s now too late for Labour to change their leader, but is it?

      There’s no doubt Ed is the Tories’ greatest asset and the prospect of him becoming PM will prevent Labour winning. However, it’s a dangerous game to play while Labour still have time to come to their senses and choose a leader with PM potential. Labour still haven’t realised how much trouble they’re in while Ed is in place.

      Time will tell.


    • 164
      Jimmy says:

      “the South East Conservatives.”

      What other kind is there?


  2. 2
    Tooth fairy says:

    Only half the story there.

    need any video AY took and the story before hand.


  3. 3
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Hannibal Lecter lives :-)


    • 8
      Primrose Hill Dining Circle says:

      We ate his kidney with some hypocracy pie, washed down with a nice bottle of Socialist Champagne.


      • 15
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

        When are Labour going to start a cost of champagne crisis? :-)


        • 36
          Andy Burnham says:

          Never mind the Champagne what about the glasses.
          Have you seen the price of crystal flower vases these days?


    • 103
      bergen says:

      This used to be normal behaviour of one local rugby team that I remember from my youth. Always lots of non availabilities when we played them.


  4. 4
    Owen Jones says:

    i am fascist


  5. 6
    Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? says:

    Looks like he has bitten off more than he can chew this time


  6. 7
    The starving masses of the West India Dock Road says:

    Can he save a bit for us please?


  7. 9
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    In his defence there is no food bank in Stockbridge.


  8. 10
    Anonymous says:

    worst cameraman ever.


  9. 11
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    You can tell he’s not a proper public school Tory otherwise he would have abided by the Marquis of Queensbury rules.

    Only poofs bite & scratch. He should have floored his opponents with a right hook :-)


  10. 12
    Too fast? says:

    I watched the video. Whoever was recording it deserved to get his arse kicked. Good on you Yalland (whoever you are).


  11. 13
    All the world says:

    A spun spinner.


  12. 14
    Read it and weep, righties says:


  13. 16
    eb56gh says:

    Scratching/biting is a girl’s way of fighting. Get youuu.


  14. 18
    Rabid Lefty says:

    Saves going to a food bank.


  15. 21
    UKIP Voter says:

    The Swivel eyed loons are in the Conservative party.


  16. 28
    Chris Smith Predatory Gayer says:

    Imagine if it was me doing the biting


  17. 42
    Gristly says:

    In the absence of a food bank, and I doubt there is one in Stockbridge, what is a hungry fellow supposed to do?


  18. 48
    Barman at House of Commons says:

    I recognise this bloke

    Funny chap


  19. 51
    Plod are strange creatures says:

    But when the plod were faced with a Muslim who threatened to cut their dicks off and blow them up, they let him go to attack unemployment staff with a knuckleduster.



    • 98
      Sally no knickers says:

      There are people who need to have their dicks cut off

      As you elegantly say

      But our noddies should be left in peace


  20. 53
    Sport Says: Tory Zombie Cannibal on Magic Mushrooms Ate My Dad says:

    By the look of the fat b’stard, he’s been living the life large on the Westminster Trough, too much fat and not enough lean!


  21. 54
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Baroness Ashton in Ukraine.
    What could go wrong.


    • 60
      Fingers crossed says:

      We can only hope


    • 65
      Anonymong says:

      Someone will throw a saddle over her back.


    • 76
      Trouble in the East says:

      Be ready for the ‘lights to go out all across Europe’ that unelected trougher has the potential to kick off WWIII. Now that Putin has declared the change of government an armed coup he’ll be getting in his revenge early. Way it’s going they’ll be a civil war and then a split of the country. Don’t worry we’ll print more cash we don’t have to fund it.


    • 92
      Billy the child says:

      That’s all we need , Ashton going on a visit and Billy trying to be serious about something that’s beyond his going to see if the beer is ok in that country.


    • 115
      Johnny says says:

      It did go wrong. She was there a couple of months ago, mingling with the protesters.

      Reuters: Police clash with protesters on Independence Square

      The caption reads “High Representative of the Union for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy for the European Union Catherine Ashton (R) and one of the leaders of the Ukrainian opposition Arseniy Yatsenyuk (L) visit a protesters camp on the Independence Square in Kiev on December 10, 2013. AFP PHOTO/ SERGEI SUPINSKY”


  22. 55
    Gerbil 7 says:

    Can the Foreign Secretary say “a chink of light”?


  23. 57
    altruism in industry says:

    I read somewhere that if a dog goes for you that if you punch your arm down it’s throat it will suffocate.


    • 62
      Mitch says:

      Isn’t that where it’s teeth are??


      • 69
        altruism in industry says:

        I understood the idea to be that it can’t bite your throat while it is chewing your arm and it will probably be more concerned with not been able to breath than lunch anyway.


    • 66
      Barbara Woodhouse says:

      Yes but you lose your arm in the process. Far better to shoot it dead or say SIT!.


    • 75
      jgm2 says:

      Give it your left arm* (it will hurt) – then fall on its chest with your knees.

      Smashes a few ribs, with a bit of luck punctures a lung.

      Either way it fucks ‘em right up.

      * Advice I got while delivering newspapers – the fuckers used to love chasing cyclists – best to feed them a bicycle pump before you kick them in the balls and then go in and crush their chest with your knees.


      • 96
        altruism in industry says:

        yes I too had one particular dog that would lie in wait for me every day. I only had a few papers to deliver but they were far apart from each other so I used to outpace it on my bike, only had to have the tetanus shot once.


      • 127
        Blowing Whistles says:

        You guys could almost be talking about politicians.


        • 134
          jgm2 says:

          Stop anthropomorphising the politicians.


          • Blowing Whistles says:

            perhaps the politicians will introduce a law to silence dissenters – if they feel harassed in any way … oh wait a minute didn’t blunkett somewhat front up on that kinda thing a few weeks ago?


          • Airey Belvoir says:

            If a dog has you on the ground, pulling its legs out 90 degrees sideways will settle its hash.


  24. 58
    Strictly Speaking says:

    Some of this is “alleged”, not “confirmed”.


  25. 59
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    Ref: the bail out of the criminal banks to the tune of £1.5 trillion of OUR money is the biggest confidence trick in our financial history.

    Hear ! Hear !


  26. 73
    Ever get the feeling you've been cheated? says:

    He’ll be biting down on something else in Jail


  27. 74
    Lost in the wilderness says:

    Don’t know who he is. The title of the article implies he is employed as a spin doctor, or employed otherwise by the Conservatives. The text suggest he was a spin doctor/employed by the Conservatives. The text suggestes he attacked the otherparty, yet I see no evidence to support that. He may or may not be a shit but this i pretty poor this time.


  28. 79
    Alpha male says:

    It souunds like Sir William Wayde was involved

    His neck of the woods as well…


  29. 81
    Eric 'Let Them Eat Cake' Pickles says:

    Nadineeeeeee save meeeeee nadineeeeeeeeeeee

    guy sounds like a right limp wristed twat lol.


  30. 84
    Caligula says:

    This is all getting out of hand

    In my day we had gladiators and fair play

    This is animal behaviour which destroys societies

    Do you want to become like Ukraine?


  31. 86
    Shaun says:

    And thus the zombie apocalypse begins..


  32. 87
    Tom Badwind says:

    Did you say cannibal or cannabis ?


  33. 89
    jgm2 says:

    It looks like the kind of injury that would ensue if you were subject to a choke hold from behind.


  34. 90
    Maria Miller says:

    Have I resigned yet?


    • 100
      Lard Everard says:

      Why would you do something so stupid ?


      • 110
        Dodgy D. Laws says:

        Agreed. I just ‘took a back seat’ for a while, if you’ll pardon the pun.


      • 130
        Calamity Clegg, Chief Cockroach says:



        • 141
          Ed Miliballotbox says:

          So with the inbuilt advantage due to gerymandered seats, fake postal votes, personation and having returning officers beholden to the Labour-controlled local authorities they are chief executives of, what are we looking at here?

          An 80 seat majority?


  35. 91
    Sally no knickers says:

    Morals of an ally cat

    I love it

    Right on Shagger

    I’m behind you

    Join the Labour Party

    Innocent grin


  36. 101
    Questions of our time says:

    Are the Tories going to make a meal of this, or let Y’alland get his just desserts ?


  37. 106
    Socialist Thoughts says:

    I want to control everything


  38. 111
    David Cameron, 2015 Campaign Video says:


  39. 112
    Nadine "I'm married to a sissy" OConnor says:

    Wow, what a great press release you’ve concocted there – hope Yalland sues you for libel – most of that should be “alleged” rather than a “statement of fact”.

    All the video shows is Yalland texting on his phone, and then your whinging husband falling over his own feet, probably biting himself in the process, and then trying to re-enter his own house – well done on locking him out, though!


  40. 113
    Anonymous says:

    Does anyone know what happened before the filming commenced?

    There is reference to a break in and some kind of discussion involving a child.

    The way they both clutch their camera phones during the whole thing is very Black Mirror, very internet dependent. How utterly depressing.


  41. 116
    Bonar Law says:

    No, NOT “A Tory spokesperson says …” That’s Lib-Lab politically correct baloney. You mean, “A Tory spokesman says …”


  42. 118
    VK says:

    Looks like an even fatter Dom Joly


  43. 131
    Mmmm says:

    Is that BBQ sauce?


  44. 135
    Jimmy says:

    Isn’t that how people become righties?


    • 146
      No Jimmy says:

      Some facts from the Khmer Rouge (who were left of center):


      ‘The court heard that beatings with rattans, the use of pincers to pull nails, noses and ear lobes, electrocution and suffocation were common after Cambodians were forced into the countryside amid fears by paranoid ultra-Maoists that the cities had become nerve centers for enemies of the Khmer Rouge.

      At Sre Ambel, laborers toiled in fields until their legs were eaten away by salt water. But far more grisly forms of torture persisted, including disembowelment and acts of cannibalism. One prisoner had his feet nailed to a board and was ordered to sing while he was beaten. Others had their gall bladders removed, which were then taken to the kitchen. Children aged as young as two or three were swung by their feet and their heads smashed into a tamarind tree.’


  45. 143
    Ah! jgm2 says:

    To complete your education.

    Google the Bristol Scale.


  46. 166
    Maqboul says:

    Give it your left arm (preferably wrapped in something). As it sinks it’s teeth in you lift it up exposing its belly. If you have a knife you can rip it.

    If you don’t, you’ll be lunch, PAL.


  47. 172

    Reblogged this on Reblogged Blogs and commented:
    Hmmm I thought these spin doctors were sharks but I didn’t think they actually bit!


  48. 175
    Sanna says:

    Amazing and some funny cameras footage . The camera footage, for all we know the camerman might haven tripped over and grazed his hands on the pavement. The video of burka girls looking very funny . I really enjoyed it.


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