February 21st, 2014

Cutting Remarks From the Chancellor

Coif connoisseurs rejoice: the Standard has the scoop. Osborne has given them an exclusive interview revealing all about his ‘Footballers that look like lesbians’ haircut:

“The Chancellor comes across as someone who has survived a miserable low (who could forget his dismay at being booed at the 2012 Olympics?) and emerged psychologically stronger or, perhaps, less afraid to fail. Perhaps that explains his Caesar haircut. “There are more important things, dare I say it, for the country to be talking about,” he cried, looking pained.

But whose idea was it and where was it done? Osborne struggles: “It was just a … I means it’s … it’s been made out to be some great big change, a bigger change than it was.” Does his wife Frances like it? “Oh, she likes it,” he said, the shutters slamming down.”

Who doesn’t…


  1. 1
    Why are the patients all drawn like Penises? says:

    • 2
      Paniagua V5.1 says:


    • 4
      Dr Know says:

      Patients are childish blobs who need to spoken to with a patronising northern voice.

      • 9
        Clunk Click every trip..Jimmy Savile says:

        And this is targeted at the adult population?

        • 24
          Patronising the NHS says:

          Sounds about par for the course…..There is a tendency after you reach a certain age for NHS personnel to talk to you in a loud patronising tone and call you by your first name even though they have never met you until to-day…I always correct them and say “It’s Mister……and I’m neither deaf or an imbecile”

          • Retarded Richard says:

            Yeah these are the real stories, not that ginger flaps slag crying crocodile tears in the witness box roday. As if Grant from Eastenders is going to stick up for her, he fucking hates the rancid wombed bitch. Your girl is going down Guido, she will be sucking scampi flaps in Holloway by Easter.

          • Fixed it for you says:

            “nor an imbecile”.

          • Not so fast. says:

            He may have meant “either deaf”.

      • 72
        SIZE 13 CARBON FOOTPRINT says:

        Notice the map ,Scotland and Wales were cut of , despite the fact that without English taxpayers money neither would have a separate NHS !

        • 77
          Bloke says:

          Scotland and Wales cut of what? Fine cloth?

          Also, where are some apostrophes when you need them?

          • Lord Duckhouse of Pondlife says:

            Probably being used in “its” when it doesn’t mean “it is” or “it has”!

    • 67
      Four-eyed English Genius says:

      Because you would have to be a bit of a dick to believe that an NHS database is secure?

    • 69
      Orange anthropomorphic CGI man says:

      There is not a SINGLE Orange anthropomorphic CGI person in there.


    • 81
      Anonymous says:


  2. 3
    Forward Slash says:

    “it’s been made out to be some great big change, a bigger change than it was”
    Like the public sector cuts that have been very tame too.

    • 43
      A Taxpayer says:

      The public sector hasn’t been cut. The national debt has ballooned to ridiculous proportions and the public sector continues to live high on the hog and waste our money like there is no tomorrow. Of course, they may know something…

  3. 5
    Twampersand mk II says:

    He looks like a bloated, pasty-faced crack-head.

    Oh, wait…

  4. 6
    Herman Achille Van Rompuy says:

    The haircut all you little rosbif engerlunders will be getting will be much worse.

    • 12
      C.O.Jones says:

      Don’t confuse UK with Ukr you low grade bank clerk!

      • 17
        C.O.Jones says:

        They want in, we want out.

        Besides, you have already scalped us.

        • 21
          The most amusing claim ever says:

          Wouldn’t that require a new Treaty agreed by all 28 existing members ? I can’t see that getting past the UK electorate.Why would we want 46 million Ukrainians all with the right of entry into UK and the ability to work ?

    • 42
      Mr Pineapple says:

      Don’t you have some cents to count?

  5. 10

    Well, he is the hair apparent.

  6. 11
    Fatwatch UK says:

    George is obviously dodging too many salads.

  7. 13
    You think that's bad. Look what George is considering next. says:
  8. 14
    Hey there, Georgie boy! says:

    George, you new barnet makes you look like:

    Georgie Porgie Pudd’n and Pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry,
    When the boys came out to play,
    Georgie Porgie ran away.

  9. 15
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    George Osborne’s hair is a very important matter of debate for the country.

    Especially when it is lined up against what Ed Balls has to offer.

    For example, the expression below clearly says ‘George Osborne, what happened to your hair ?’:

    But Ed’s hair itself is just cutting a classic nonchalant look, not quite flat lining, but equally not peaked, and resting in complete opposition to George’s reactionary look.

    Which has the more Conservative look and feel ?

    That question could set the cat among the pigeons…

    • 20
      how about says:

      Balls would look so much better in a military hat…

      • 22
        I 'ate you Osborne says:

        Put a moustache and peaked cap on him and he’s a dead ringer for Blakey off “On the Buses”

        • 41
          Bill Quango MP says:

          On the Busted

          George Osborne as Stan Butler
          Boris Johnson as Jack Harper
          Rosie Cooper as Olive Rudge
          Ed Balls as Inspector Cyril “Blakey” Blake
          Ian Duncan Smith as Arthur Rudge

      • 25
        Casual Observer 7 says:

        As the luminary political columnist, Ben Brogan, reports, the issue of hair could be a decisive one in deciding who takes over if Dave bows out:

        The exact impact of Hair Colour on the quality of political leadership has been completely sidelined by the more visceral impact of the cut.

        This is clearly a subject worthy of the ministrations of L’ord A’shcroft to resolve.

        I feel that Brogan may have missed a further more nuanced point, which is texture. Is softer hair more electable than stiffer more wiry hair ?

        On this matter, provided J’ohnson can continue to comb his bald pate under the carpet, so to speak, he maybe has a slight edge on Osborne, having both blonde and softer hair with a much less complicated cut.

      • 26
        geordieboy says:


      • 48
        Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

        Ed Balls would look much better he had a bit off the top, preferably from the neck up :-)

  10. 23
    Vidal says:

    Hair today, goon tomorrow.

  11. 27
    Gideon George Osborne says:

    I have been working too hard, time to be kind to myself, a snickers, some crisps shag a sexy research assistant, then a sleep.

  12. 30
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Now, here is the international angle on George Osborne’s hair cut.

    As a nation we should be thankful for his decision to stick with his natural brunette look, and not be tempted to adjust to a lighter colour, whilst keeping all edges smart and secure:

    George’s seemingly radical departure from traditional western snips may be winning the UK succour in A’sia by helping to dispel certain myths about Westerner’s and how they look. George however should seriously consider some plastic surgery for his nose, but as Chancellor he is clearly helping to lead Britain into the A’sian market.

    No one can accuse G’eorge of having ‘the Bear Hair’.

    • 33

      Michael Fabricant and Donald Trump.

      Separated at birth?

      • 38
        Casual Observer 7 says:

        A very good question.

        Many seem to think so:


        To quote:

        ‘Even so, he sort of seems like the British version of Donald Trump.’

        • 50

          My God. I feel like Newton must have done when he discovered that Leibniz had also discovered the calculus. :-)

          What a pity my discovery was so trivial!

          • Casual Observer 7 says:

            No – it is an astute observation, not often discussed.

            What is strange is that such an observation has perhaps not been echoed on these pages before.

            Leibniz had not applied differential calculus to mechanics, and supplied Newton with the insight needed for the limiting process.

            The true genius is how that reporter managed to combine the concepts of R’ussell B’rand, t’wat, M’ichael F’abricant and D’onald T’rump into a unified whole, using T’rump as a means of explaining the concept of F’abricant to their audience, essentially alluding to Hair.

            This demonstrates conclusively where G’eorge is so wrong in his brash statements above where he argues that there are more important things than his hair to be discussed.

            The evidence is very clearly against that.

    • 52
      Gok Wan says:

      Not even Michael Fabricant has hair like Michael Fabricant

  13. 34
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    M’ichael F’abricant, who is a very decent chap with a good sense of humour, has to be THE authority on Parliamentary hair. (Please note: No sarcasm intended)

    From the horses mouth:

    I empathize with M’ichael, and am ashamed that Labour have remained so quiet on this issue of blatant rac!sm.

    It would be good if anyone could get some reaction from M’ike on G’eorge Osborne’s hair policy, and also on the treatment it received in the E’vening S’tandard.

  14. 35
    François Hollande says:

    2010 – There will be no cuts, only growth.
    2011 – Cuts are not necessary . Just taxes for the rich!
    2012 – there may be mild cuts and mild tax rises for everyone.
    2013 – There must be huge tax rises and modest cuts to services to ensure the socialist dream survives!
    2014 -{bonk bonk bonk][ Cut Everything! urrrgghhh Cut it! allahh! Ahhh! Tax everything toooo…oohhhhhhh fuuuuuucccckkkk!

  15. 36
    A Lined Sheet of Paper says:
    • 39
      Casual Observer 7 says:

      So Jasmin has got the policy sheet / crayon.

      Good start, but there is not much time left before 2015 GE…

    • 40
      Ed Miliband says:

      At least not completely blank like mine.

    • 47
      Beware what you Tweet on the Twitter says:

      Flip it Horizontally to read the other side.

      Why is she criticising the Same sex marriage act 2013, I thought the lefties were in favour of that one? No pink votes for Dave then.

    • 51
      Bill Quango MP says:

      We can help

      Line 1 – Freeze fuel prices for 5 – 10 – 20 – 2000 ? months.
      Line 2 – Teachers must have an NUT membership card.
      Line 3 – erm

      Sorry, that’s all we know.

  16. 37
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    Corrupt media, corrupt councils, corrupt ministries all led by corrupt MPs & cabinet, the puppets of corrupt corps, all paid for by you!

    Hear ! Hear !

  17. 53
    Nigel Farage says:
    • 58
      Ed and Dave are frit says:

      This is quite a good move by Clegg and Farage.

    • 60
      Patriot says:

      A debate involving Cameron will just be tedious as he lies and tries to avoid the issues.

      Better to thrash out why he loves Europe instead of Britain with the Dutchman.

    • 66
      Casual Observer 7 says:

      Even though I think Cameron and Miliband are a pair of big pussy’s, this is being a bit blatant.

      Awesome :-D

  18. 55
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Life has not been fair to Dave.

    Front baldness is much easier to manage than rear baldness:

    But is Osborne’s cut just designed to conceal the deepening hairline deficit that seemed evident in earlier photo’s ?

    Dave’s hair is clearly proving that there is a dividing line between nature and nurture, and that pedigree will out in the end.

  19. 71
    Brutus says:

    This Caesarian Gideon clearly needs sectioning!

    (and his double chin is growing, too!

  20. 74
    Taxpayer says:

    Who cares how the cretin styles his hair? He can sport a lime green mohican for al I care if he grew a pair and stopped crucifying the middle classes with ludicrous marginal rates of tax. 50, 60, 65% tax rates are NOT the actions of a Conservative.

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Guido-hot-button (1) Guido-hot-button (1)

A confused Nick Griffin says Nigel Farage is a shill for the City, forgetting that City banks want to stay in the EU:

“Farage is a snake oil salesman, but a very good one. His supposed anti-immigration stance is all smoke and mirrors, as is his carefully cultivated image as a ‘man of the people’. The truth is that UKIP is a pro-immigration party that exists to lobby for the interests of the City of London.”

Alexrod says:

It’s money innit.

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