February 21st, 2014

Cutting Remarks From the Chancellor

Coif connoisseurs rejoice: the Standard has the scoop. Osborne has given them an exclusive interview revealing all about his ‘Footballers that look like lesbians’ haircut:

“The Chancellor comes across as someone who has survived a miserable low (who could forget his dismay at being booed at the 2012 Olympics?) and emerged psychologically stronger or, perhaps, less afraid to fail. Perhaps that explains his Caesar haircut. “There are more important things, dare I say it, for the country to be talking about,” he cried, looking pained.

But whose idea was it and where was it done? Osborne struggles: “It was just a … I means it’s … it’s been made out to be some great big change, a bigger change than it was.” Does his wife Frances like it? “Oh, she likes it,” he said, the shutters slamming down.”

Who doesn’t…


  1. 1
    Why are the patients all drawn like Penises? says:

  2. 2
    Paniagua V5.1 says:


  3. 3
    Forward Slash says:

    “it’s been made out to be some great big change, a bigger change than it was”
    Like the public sector cuts that have been very tame too.

  4. 4
    Dr Know says:

    Patients are childish blobs who need to spoken to with a patronising northern voice.

  5. 5
    Twampersand mk II says:

    He looks like a bloated, pasty-faced crack-head.

    Oh, wait…

  6. 6
    Herman Achille Van Rompuy says:

    The haircut all you little rosbif engerlunders will be getting will be much worse.

  7. 7
    Andy Bumhum says:

  8. 8
    Ed Balls - Shallow Chancer says:

    I’ve never met the Rev Flower.

  9. 9
    Clunk Click every trip..Jimmy Savile says:

    And this is targeted at the adult population?

  10. 10

    Well, he is the hair apparent.

  11. 11
    Fatwatch UK says:

    George is obviously dodging too many salads.

  12. 12
    C.O.Jones says:

    Don’t confuse UK with Ukr you low grade bank clerk!

  13. 13
    You think that's bad. Look what George is considering next. says:

  14. 14
    Hey there, Georgie boy! says:

    George, you new barnet makes you look like:

    Georgie Porgie Pudd’n and Pie,
    Kissed the girls and made them cry,
    When the boys came out to play,
    Georgie Porgie ran away.

  15. 15
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    George Osborne’s hair is a very important matter of debate for the country.

    Especially when it is lined up against what Ed Balls has to offer.

    For example, the expression below clearly says ‘George Osborne, what happened to your hair ?':

    But Ed’s hair itself is just cutting a classic nonchalant look, not quite flat lining, but equally not peaked, and resting in complete opposition to George’s reactionary look.

    Which has the more Conservative look and feel ?

    That question could set the cat among the pigeons…

  16. 16
    just asking says:

    Has Ed Balls repaid the £50,000 donation
    authorised to his private office from Rev
    Flowers yet?
    And when can we expect to see Flowers
    in court?

  17. 17
    C.O.Jones says:

    They want in, we want out.

    Besides, you have already scalped us.

  18. 18
    I love Brian May says:

    Keep fighting for our badgers, Brian!

    I love Brian May.

  19. 19
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Yes, Caroline should consider using consulting Brian about hair care products and ethical perm treatments.

    The Green lobby should avoid bowls.

  20. 20
    how about says:

    Balls would look so much better in a military hat…

  21. 21
    The most amusing claim ever says:

    Wouldn’t that require a new Treaty agreed by all 28 existing members ? I can’t see that getting past the UK electorate.Why would we want 46 million Ukrainians all with the right of entry into UK and the ability to work ?

  22. 22
    I 'ate you Osborne says:

    Put a moustache and peaked cap on him and he’s a dead ringer for Blakey off “On the Buses”

  23. 23
    Vidal says:

    Hair today, goon tomorrow.

  24. 24
    Patronising the NHS says:

    Sounds about par for the course…..There is a tendency after you reach a certain age for NHS personnel to talk to you in a loud patronising tone and call you by your first name even though they have never met you until to-day…I always correct them and say “It’s Mister……and I’m neither deaf or an imbecile”

  25. 25
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    As the luminary political columnist, Ben Brogan, reports, the issue of hair could be a decisive one in deciding who takes over if Dave bows out:

    The exact impact of Hair Colour on the quality of political leadership has been completely sidelined by the more visceral impact of the cut.

    This is clearly a subject worthy of the ministrations of L’ord A’shcroft to resolve.

    I feel that Brogan may have missed a further more nuanced point, which is texture. Is softer hair more electable than stiffer more wiry hair ?

    On this matter, provided J’ohnson can continue to comb his bald pate under the carpet, so to speak, he maybe has a slight edge on Osborne, having both blonde and softer hair with a much less complicated cut.

  26. 26
    geordieboy says:


  27. 27
    Gideon George Osborne says:

    I have been working too hard, time to be kind to myself, a snickers, some crisps shag a sexy research assistant, then a sleep.

  28. 28
    geordieboy says:

    Does he wash his hair with distemper and then use a dodgy blow drier.

  29. 29
    Mind Bleach says:

    What about the beavers?

  30. 30
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Now, here is the international angle on George Osborne’s hair cut.

    As a nation we should be thankful for his decision to stick with his natural brunette look, and not be tempted to adjust to a lighter colour, whilst keeping all edges smart and secure:

    George’s seemingly radical departure from traditional western snips may be winning the UK succour in A’sia by helping to dispel certain myths about Westerner’s and how they look. George however should seriously consider some plastic surgery for his nose, but as Chancellor he is clearly helping to lead Britain into the A’sian market.

    No one can accuse G’eorge of having ‘the Bear Hair’.

  31. 31
    altruism in industry says:

    bouffant or buffoon ?

  32. 32
    Costing the Earth says:

    The 12 trees in the background cost the taxpayer £400,000 and £32,500 a year to maintain.


  33. 33

    Michael Fabricant and Donald Trump.

    Separated at birth?

  34. 34
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    M’ichael F’abricant, who is a very decent chap with a good sense of humour, has to be THE authority on Parliamentary hair. (Please note: No sarcasm intended)

    From the horses mouth:

    I empathize with M’ichael, and am ashamed that Labour have remained so quiet on this issue of blatant rac!sm.

    It would be good if anyone could get some reaction from M’ike on G’eorge Osborne’s hair policy, and also on the treatment it received in the E’vening S’tandard.

  35. 35
    François Hollande says:

    2010 – There will be no cuts, only growth.
    2011 – Cuts are not necessary . Just taxes for the rich!
    2012 – there may be mild cuts and mild tax rises for everyone.
    2013 – There must be huge tax rises and modest cuts to services to ensure the socialist dream survives!
    2014 -{bonk bonk bonk][ Cut Everything! urrrgghhh Cut it! allahh! Ahhh! Tax everything toooo…oohhhhhhh fuuuuuucccckkkk!

  36. 36
    A Lined Sheet of Paper says:

  37. 37
    Ric Holden CCHQ says:

    Corrupt media, corrupt councils, corrupt ministries all led by corrupt MPs & cabinet, the puppets of corrupt corps, all paid for by you!

    Hear ! Hear !

  38. 38
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    A very good question.

    Many seem to think so:


    To quote:

    ‘Even so, he sort of seems like the British version of Donald Trump.’

  39. 39
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    So Jasmin has got the policy sheet / crayon.

    Good start, but there is not much time left before 2015 GE…

  40. 40
    Ed Miliband says:

    At least not completely blank like mine.

  41. 41
    Bill Quango MP says:

    On the Busted

    George Osborne as Stan Butler
    Boris Johnson as Jack Harper
    Rosie Cooper as Olive Rudge
    Ed Balls as Inspector Cyril “Blakey” Blake
    Ian Duncan Smith as Arthur Rudge

  42. 42
    Mr Pineapple says:

    Don’t you have some cents to count?

  43. 43
    A Taxpayer says:

    The public sector hasn’t been cut. The national debt has ballooned to ridiculous proportions and the public sector continues to live high on the hog and waste our money like there is no tomorrow. Of course, they may know something…

  44. 44
    Retarded Richard says:

    Yeah these are the real stories, not that ginger flaps slag crying crocodile tears in the witness box roday. As if Grant from Eastenders is going to stick up for her, he fucking hates the rancid wombed bitch. Your girl is going down Guido, she will be sucking scampi flaps in Holloway by Easter.

  45. 45
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Lynton Crosby needs to lock Dave and co. in a room until they can recite these facts in their sleep.

    1. Little furry animals don’t vote but angry farmers/residents do.

    2. Motorists vastly outnumber cyclists.

    3. Electricity & gas bill payers vastly outnumber eco-loons in Islington.

    4. Tony Abbott just won a landslide in the Aussie general election against the eco-loony Labour party.

  46. 46
    A Taxpayer says:

    As long as they are there, I am not going to vote for any of the parties currently represented in Westminster.

  47. 47
    Beware what you Tweet on the Twitter says:

    Flip it Horizontally to read the other side.

    Why is she criticising the Same sex marriage act 2013, I thought the lefties were in favour of that one? No pink votes for Dave then.

  48. 48
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Ed Balls would look much better he had a bit off the top, preferably from the neck up :-)

  49. 49
    Londoner says:

    Boris is yesterday’s man.

  50. 50

    My God. I feel like Newton must have done when he discovered that Leibniz had also discovered the calculus. :-)

    What a pity my discovery was so trivial!

  51. 51
    Bill Quango MP says:

    We can help

    Line 1 – Freeze fuel prices for 5 – 10 – 20 – 2000 ? months.
    Line 2 – Teachers must have an NUT membership card.
    Line 3 – erm

    Sorry, that’s all we know.

  52. 52
    Gok Wan says:

    Not even Michael Fabricant has hair like Michael Fabricant

  53. 53
    Nigel Farage says:

  54. 54
    Village Idiot says:

    …Systemic then?

  55. 55
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Life has not been fair to Dave.

    Front baldness is much easier to manage than rear baldness:

    But is Osborne’s cut just designed to conceal the deepening hairline deficit that seemed evident in earlier photo’s ?

    Dave’s hair is clearly proving that there is a dividing line between nature and nurture, and that pedigree will out in the end.

  56. 56
    Ed Milibiscuit says:

    Is that a complaint or an endorsement of our next manifesto?

  57. 57
    Jasmin à Beckett says:

    I hate joined up writing. I could kill all calligraphers

  58. 58
    Ed and Dave are frit says:

    This is quite a good move by Clegg and Farage.

  59. 59
    Fixed it for you says:

    “nor an imbecile”.

  60. 60
    Patriot says:

    A debate involving Cameron will just be tedious as he lies and tries to avoid the issues.

    Better to thrash out why he loves Europe instead of Britain with the Dutchman.

  61. 61
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    Straight devout people outnumber gayers but what do I care?

  62. 62
    Not so fast. says:

    He may have meant “either deaf”.

  63. 63
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    No – it is an astute observation, not often discussed.

    What is strange is that such an observation has perhaps not been echoed on these pages before.

    Leibniz had not applied differential calculus to mechanics, and supplied Newton with the insight needed for the limiting process.

    The true genius is how that reporter managed to combine the concepts of R’ussell B’rand, t’wat, M’ichael F’abricant and D’onald T’rump into a unified whole, using T’rump as a means of explaining the concept of F’abricant to their audience, essentially alluding to Hair.

    This demonstrates conclusively where G’eorge is so wrong in his brash statements above where he argues that there are more important things than his hair to be discussed.

    The evidence is very clearly against that.

  64. 64
    C.O.Jones says:

    2,640,000,000,000 of them come from us ever year (cents that is).

  65. 65
    Where has Silent Bob gone says:


  66. 66
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Even though I think Cameron and Miliband are a pair of big pussy’s, this is being a bit blatant.

    Awesome :-D

  67. 67
    Four-eyed English Genius says:

    Because you would have to be a bit of a dick to believe that an NHS database is secure?

  68. 68
    Tim Yeo-yo says:

    They’re all a bunch of balding front bums.

    Stick that into your comment of the day.

  69. 69
    Orange anthropomorphic CGI man says:

    There is not a SINGLE Orange anthropomorphic CGI person in there.


  70. 70
    Sylvio says:

    um — d’y think Osborne might perhaps be dying his hair?

  71. 71
    Brutus says:

    This Caesarian Gideon clearly needs sectioning!

    (and his double chin is growing, too!

  72. 72

    Notice the map ,Scotland and Wales were cut of , despite the fact that without English taxpayers money neither would have a separate NHS !

  73. 73
    Save our badgers! says:

    Beggar the beavers.

  74. 74
    Taxpayer says:

    Who cares how the cretin styles his hair? He can sport a lime green mohican for al I care if he grew a pair and stopped crucifying the middle classes with ludicrous marginal rates of tax. 50, 60, 65% tax rates are NOT the actions of a Conservative.

  75. 75
    My gran says:

    “No MP is greener”……… or more cabbage looking.

  76. 76
    Bloke says:

    Too many friggin ads on this site nowadays Guido…. it’s like a walking ‘kin billboard

  77. 77
    Bloke says:

    Scotland and Wales cut of what? Fine cloth?

    Also, where are some apostrophes when you need them?

  78. 78
    Lord Duckhouse of Pondlife says:

    Probably being used in “its” when it doesn’t mean “it is” or “it has”!

  79. 79
    Don't misuse apostrophes says:

    A pair of big pussy’s what? The plural of ‘pussy’ is ‘pussies’!

  80. 80
    Don't misuse apostrophes says:

    The plural of ‘photo’ is ‘photos’. No apostrophe needed!

  81. 81
    Anonymous says:


  82. 82
    Mrs Havisham says:

    Well we can afford an open chequebook for Ukraine so why cut our public services?

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Why We Must Remember the Holocaust | Hugo Rifkind
“Adjustments” Not Cuts | Gary Gibbon
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