February 19th, 2014

WAR: Britain Protests Spanish Incursion Into Gibraltar Waters

The Foreign Office has confirmed that “there was an incursion into British waters near Gibraltar by Spanish Navy on 18 February, during a Royal Navy exercise”. HMS Sabre saw off Spanish Navy warship SPS Vigia after it disrupted a British exercise. Britain is to make a formal protest to Spain. The stretched twig of peace is once again at melting point. 


  1. 1
    Farmer Giles says:

    Get orff moi land!!!!

  2. 2
    walking into darkness says:

    And everything is always harmonious in the EU isn’t it Barroso.

  3. 3
    Hague has gone Native says:

    Hague Talking about sanctions against Ukraine.

    Why? Just because they have put down civil unrest financed and encouraged by the EU?

  4. 4
    Anonymous says:

    you nutcase Guido.

  5. 5
    The British media are cunts says:

    Just blow the fucker out of the water.

  6. 6
    Blooming Godfrey says:

    Obviously this was late in the day otherwise it would have been siesta time.

  7. 7

    Fuck em let’s have at em

  8. 8

    That is the expression!

    The stretched piece of twig. Otherwise known as the rump of our, once proud, Navy.

  9. 9
    Great Picture says:

  10. 10
    JR says:

    Stick a torpedo into the next one that enters Gibs waters!!

  11. 11
    Nick says:

    Ugh, this “protesting” makes Britain look pathetic.

    Fight fire with fire and go send the Navy to interrupt Spain’s Naval exercises. Don’t throw your toys out the pram crying like a baby. It’s embarrassing.

  12. 12
    bloody modbot strikes again says:

    +2 (more)

  13. 13
    JH349849583249030 says:

    Let’s invade Ceuta and Melilla, kick out the spics and hand them back to their mainland.

    I’m sure that will appeal to Spain’s sensibilities about overseas territories needing to be handed back to their attached mainland.

    Either that or it will really upset the fuckers. Either way, I’m happy.

  14. 14
    Press the button Dave. says:

    Go nuclear. They won’t do it again

  15. 15
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    S’pain needs to get a grip on its domestic problems.

    Exiting the Euro is the only way that can start for them.

  16. 16
    David Cameron, bumsex marriage says:

    Navy rump, mmm….

  17. 17
    Labour is a cancer says:

    Not a good day for Labour today. First the unemployment figures are down. Then the Mail published a full report into the involvement of Harman, Dromey and Hewitt at a very senior level with PIE, whose members are said to have committed child abuse “on an industrial scale”. And now it’s revealed Tony Blair was advising Brooks on how to handle the hacking scandal.

    What a truly horrific, corrupt and wretched bunch Labour are.

  18. 18
    El Draque says:

    Next time Call me Dave will order a fast inflatable to escort the Spanish Armada out of Gibraltar’s waters.

  19. 19
    Diane Abo says:

    My land.

  20. 20
    carry on navy says:

    don’t send arc royal–no planes

  21. 21
    Jesus, pal of mo says:

    Dago fascist at it again, what is it with Latin types?

  22. 22
    Dave's Imaginary Navy says:

    I am deploying further naval assets to the region….HMS Austerity; HMS Referendum and HMS Renegotiation.

  23. 23
    Owen Jones, Spinning says:

    Erm: #VENEZUELA ?

  24. 24
    Has Rupert got (m)ore? says:

    This is just the beginning. The Blair hacking revelation is just the tip of the Laberg. The digger has plenty more juicy stories up his sleeve between now and the election. Rupert, if you’ve got all the info on Blair and Operation Ore, now would be a good time to have it “leaked”.

  25. 25
    Rachel Reeves says:

    I was good on BBC today, dissing the unemployment figures, wasn’t I? Honk Honk Honk.

  26. 26
    Jesus, pal of mo says:

    Dago armada? 3 old diesel subs and 3 frigates. Time to singe Juan Carlos’s beard.

  27. 27
    Leading Seaman Faye Turney says:

    Great, I fancy a run ashore in Spain. Hands up, baby, hands up

  28. 28
    Maximus says:

    I expect the Spaniards are hoping, not unreasonably, that Camo the Clown might toss them some of those billions of foreign aid to make them to go away (for a bit).

  29. 29
    Bill Quango MP says:

    I suggest we retaliate diplomatically.
    We send our foreign aid £11bn to the basques to help them in their struggle for freedom.

    The Spanish will retaliate by send Salmond £5bn for the Scots struggle.

    its a win – win.

  30. 30
    Bill Quango MP says:

    The trouble is the way the country is so flooded they could sail all the way up to Westminster from Lyme Regis.

  31. 31
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Different culture.

    They never really progressed from Mercantile to neo-liberal, and they are somewhat lazy with regards work ethic.

    The influence of the C’atholic church cannot be ignored either.

  32. 32
    Long distance trucker says:


  33. 33
    History says:

    Beats having the G’erman’s bomb the S’panish governments problem into submission…

  34. 34
    C.O.Jones says:

    You are caracas.

  35. 35
    its a fact says:

    North America – richest land on earth.
    South America – Basket case economies only kept out of third world status by Marxist Africans.

  36. 36
    Chips the Fish says:

    Sink the Spanish boats. We fish like the new reefs!

  37. 37
    Kenny Everett says:

    Bomb the bastaaaaaards!

  38. 38
    Not reported on the BBC says:

  39. 39
    President Hollande representing the Internationale Brigade says:

    We shall join the losing side and then pack it in when it gets a bit rough.
    As usual.

    Mind you we’ll hand and murder a good many citizens for freedom before we do bugger off.

  40. 40
    Huge Grunt says:

    Op Ore is probably a no go – but there are many other bodies buried.

    Who advised Ed Miliband to call for the Leveson inquiry ?

  41. 41
    Bill Quango MP says:

    Didn’t Jones write a book called ‘Chavez? The demonisation of dictator class?’

  42. 42
    Butch Dave says:

    What a butch reaction by HMS Pork Sabre to the Spanish Viagra. They’ve both got big guns and torpedoes too, and create a lot of foam when they plunge through the water! I do so love sailor on sailor action.

  43. 43
    jgm2 says:

    He’s right about that. I’ve said before that Iraq is the smoking gun that would have got David Miliband. It still might but at least (for Labour) he’s not party leader now.

  44. 44
    T May says:

    Aussie go home

  45. 45
    The Indian Ocean Water Board says:

    There are other guns smoking.

  46. 46
    Sir Baylius says:

    Finland defeats Russia!

  47. 47
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    Who will blink first?

  48. 48
    EU Funded Pro-EU Troll says:

    Vote UKIP

  49. 49
    john in cheshire says:

    And George Soros, apparently.

  50. 50
    Rupert says:

    No one fucks with me and gets away with it. You’re on my shit list, Tony. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

  51. 51
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    Do you think those Spaniards shit themselves?

  52. 52
    Herman's First War says:

  53. 53
    St Tone de la merde says:

    I am available as peacemaker. Remember how much considerable experience I have in this sphere.

    Oh, anyone’s wife up for a quickie?

  54. 54
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    But sanctions have not worked anywhere.

    With Russ!a funding the U’kraine govt, all U’kraine will need to do is purchase from Russ!a which would very much help their balance of trade in any case.

    Why is H’erman undermining the recovery of the Eurozone economy by closing off this export market to European Member states ?

    Good time and reason for the UK to exit.

    Also a good time to onshore all the jobs which were outsourced to the U’kraine at the expense of UK workers.

  55. 55
    Roop says:


  56. 56
    Herr Rupe says:

    Kein Ficker fickt meine Frau ficken und ficken kommt ungestraft davon scott kostenlos

  57. 57
    Honkey honk Rach says:

    The ‘nose’ has it!

  58. 58
    Wee Willy Hague says:


    Those are the arms we are sending to help the “rebels” instal my oligarch friends

    Why do all my policies explode in my face?

    We should bomb them all now

    Kerry told me it is the right thing to do

  59. 59
    Bar-arsehole says:

    Si senor; and all the Euro-Diktats about water mangement work perfectly. If the UK had joined the Euro then there would have been no flooding.

  60. 60
    Mornington Crescent says:

    If all else fails, HMS Capitulation will really do the trick.

    Ask the Iranians.

  61. 61
    Tooting Tony from Tel Aviv says:

    I fuck your wife old man

    You are past it

  62. 62
    ge54e546 says:

    Actually, some of the protest leaders and agitators are Izraelis. The zioloons are as involved in warmonering as ever. And the schmuck Goy will have to foot the bill, as ever.

  63. 63
    Wee Willy Hague says:

    What shoul I do please?

  64. 64
    Graham says:

    Sink the fucking thing. The bastards need teaching a lesson.

  65. 65
    Prime Minister"Money's no object" Cameron says:

    Nope, the USA is stopping money printing and the Chinese are about to enter into a massive slow down and possible collapse.

  66. 66
    EU, Nobel Peace Prize Winner says:

    By absorbing all these former Soviet states the EU has effectively becomes Russia’s enemy.

  67. 67
    France says:

    !. When do we surrender?
    2. Who to?
    3. When do we start to collaborate?

  68. 68
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    Not if the surrender to the Iranians is anything to go by!

  69. 69
    Sarah says:

    Unelected EU Dictator organises sanctions against a democratically elected Government shocker.

    The EU & the USA are stoking this up hoping to bring down the democratically elected Ukranian Government before the end of the Olympic Games.

    If they fail Putin will rightly send in the tanks to stop this EU expansionism that is threatening the peace in Europe.

  70. 70
    Guido Fawkes says:

    And what has Belfast got to do with it?

  71. 71
    Vladimir says:

    So how long do you want me to turn off the gas for? Or perhaps a 50% price hike?

  72. 72

    Is your browser trackable?

    Is your browser configuration rare or unique? If so, web sites may be able to track you, even if you limit or disable cookies.

    Find out at Panopticlick:


  73. 73
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    The Ukrainian President has made a judgment that his country can get a better deal from Russia than it can the EU.

    Ukraine is entitled to make a decision over its own destiny.

  74. 74
    Graham says:

    No fucking carrier either !! Of course we could borrow one from India.

  75. 75
    Are you quite sure about that? says:


  76. 76
    Ironically, she tells the English owners of this store to go home says:

  77. 77
    Too Thick To Stay On Topic says:


  78. 78
    Sockeye Salmond says:

    You forget, Gibraltar is part of Greater Scotland, the noo

  79. 79
    The EU says:

    You can’t touch us Putin, we don’t need your gas. We’ve got Windmills now, that is why we have made fracking extremely difficult for member states.

  80. 80
    dsge54 says:

    Iran has nothing to do with us, do your own fighting, Shmuel.

  81. 81
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    Why are those women wearing crash helmets and wielding bricks?

    Didn’t people get imprisoned in London for doing this type of thing a couple of years back?

  82. 82
    Graham says:

    Rachel Reeves – one off the thickest useless twats in the Liebour scum.

  83. 83
    FFS says:

    Hmmm, I wonder if that’s why he pissed off to the U.S. all of a sudden?

  84. 84
    dsge54 says:

    Those are probably the arms Shlomo is handing out to stir stir shit again.

  85. 85
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Not completely true.

    By challenging Russ!a’s sovereign interests, and engaging in hostile criticism of its domestic policies, the EU has become an existential threat to Russ!a.

    Absorbing some of the old soviet satellite states does not make the enemy case, but seeking to undermine the decision of a sovereign government who Russ!a has an interest in most certainly does.

    Will Mr. van Rompuy be taking Polonium or Dioxin in his cocoa ?

  86. 86
    HM Her Majesty says:

    My mighty fleet of rear admirals will sail down to Cadiz in their fisheries protection vessel and singe the King of Spain’s beard.

  87. 87
    dshge54 says:

    They will both do as their masters in Tel Aviv tell them.

  88. 88
    Blowing Whistles says:

    Sorry to hear that, well keep visiting your local dogging site, I will see you there and we can talk about it face to face?

  89. 89
    A divorce lawyer says:

    In my professional experience it is best to keep a considerable distance from any Ukrainians who fall out amongst themselves.

  90. 90
    Mornington Crescent says:

    I was referring to this – probably not our “finest hour”:


  91. 91
    Shmuel says:

    Not if I can help it, Oy Vey!

  92. 92
    Some git says:

    I have no problem with Guido fawkes knowing who I am. It’s the rest of you I have qualms about.

  93. 93
    Lady Paul says:

    I hate to see matelots crying when the enemy confiscate their iPods

  94. 94
    The British media are cunts says:

    Yes but Labour only got elected because of Blair.

  95. 95
    ex Tory Voter says:

    Sink them. All it takes is one, followed by an “abject” apology.

  96. 96
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Could try using Lynx with heavily modified user agent string.

    Source code is available – gives you full control if have the time to shut down the back doors.

    Web experience may be a bit off though.

  97. 97
    FFS says:

    Sink it, then send the pictures to the President of Argentina with the caption “You’re next”.

    Then arm the Basques and the Catalans with MP-5s and plenty of ammo – that should keep them busy.

  98. 98
    Hannibal from Carthage says:

    If you watch the way average Ukrainian male treats the average Ukrainian woman you would not be in the least bit surprised by what is happening.

  99. 99
    Lancashire Fiscal says:

    No let’s arm Morocco to invade Cueta and Meilla

  100. 100
    Jimmy says:

    Do righties think the Spanish people should have a referendum on the Treaty of Utrecht?

  101. 101
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    You should ask the Span!sh that.

  102. 102
    bloody modbot strikes again says:

    Typical. Commies bickering amongst themselves.

  103. 103
    Herman Van Rumpupar says:

    I vill get wery cwoss

  104. 104


    It all has to go through http though and that is where the problem is.

  105. 105
    Long John Silver's parrot says:

    Make sure you send a copies to the Vatican too.

  106. 106
    Twampersand says:

    None required. Just shout ‘Joooooos!’ whilst frothing at the mouth.

  107. 107
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Here is how they behave in London:

    – And he wanted to be deported back to his homeland, U’kraine…

  108. 108
    Adolf Hitler, a brief history of history says:

    If the Finns can kick their arse then we should have no problem.

  109. 109

    With your egalitarian hat on, Jimmy, what about giving the Moroccans a referendum on Ceuta, Melilla, Islas Alhucemas, Islas Chafarinas and Peñón de Vélez de la Gomera whilst you are about it?

  110. 110
    Twampersand says:

    She is a liar. Her grandmother was not a slave in 1910.

    Typical jigger behaviour. No future time orientation, no fear of consequences, react emotionally instead of rationally, become aggressive and violent, etc, etc.

    Why we put up with this shit I’ll never know.

  111. 111
    Fly on the wall says:

    They are already well armed and if they really wanted those wastelands back, they would have taken them years ago.

  112. 112
    jgm2 says:

    Does Tony Benn?

  113. 113
    FFS says:

    The Spanish are free to hold any referendum they like, however contraversial. As long as they accept the UN’s principle of the right to self-determination then we are fine with that.

    Oh I forgot, they aren’t too keen on this whole idea of self-determination…..

  114. 114
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Only for the IP tracking aspect, but that can be cleaned up in large part with a trusted proxy.

    It isn’t http that is the problem, it is the IP / TCP headers which can be used to trace back.

    Only the NSA / GCHQ or those with direct taps into the major ISP’s would be able to do that, and then this only works if the traffic routes through jurisdictions where the ISP has to keep records of the traffic.

    This could in part be fixed by using modified router code to obsfucate – DD-WRT is open source, but the problem would be locating such a device in a trusted location.

    The trick to maintaining a semblance of anonymity is to limit the type of data sent down the pipe, and to limit the amount of data which can uniquely identify. Making yourself look like a one in a million user, but without all the other security issues that involves is key.

    VPN tunnelling from a modified browser running within a trusted and disposable VM instance accessing from a very public location and looking to remote clients like you are nothing special whilst routing traffic in part through a jurisdiction that doesn’t keep logs, and through some routers which can scramble the TCP headers, is about as good as you will get, but that will still not be perfect.

  115. 115
    Podiceps says:

    If this stretched, melting twig is not nipped in the bud it will unleash a terrible conflagration that will deluge the world.

  116. 116
    jgm2 says:

    Can it be long before the disappearances and mass killings begin?

  117. 117
    Senor Pancho says:

    Them Spanish birds look quite fab in their basques, take it from me. Ole!

  118. 118
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    Sorry – making yourself look like one of many millions of users…

  119. 119
    Senor Pancho says:

    Can we include Ashtray, Barrowboy and Rumpy on your little list please?

  120. 120
    NSA GCHQ says:

    When we target you

    There is no way you can avoid us

  121. 121
    J'ack S'traw says:

    Been there, done that.

  122. 122
    Bonesontour says:

    Send in our inflatable dolls!

  123. 123
    Tony Blair says:

    We must keep Gibraltar

    I launder bungs through there

    No questions asked

  124. 124
    Senor Pancho says:

    Basquing in glory?

  125. 125
    Cinna says:

    I’m afraid this kind of thing is becoming ever more common. We know where this will end…

  126. 126
    Jimmy says:

    Not like you to miss the point.

  127. 127
    Cinna says:

    Don’t you just loved mixed metaphors?

  128. 128
    Jimmy says:

    Does he what?

    Although at the moment whatever it is the answer is probably no.

  129. 129
    Cinna says:

    It’s all for domestic consumption, this sabre rattling.

  130. 130
    Casual Observer 7 says:

    If Blair has so rapidly issued a statement on today’s court evidence, then a real nerve must have just been touched.

  131. 131
    Cinna says:

    Would that be a reference to the front page of today’s Daily Mail, Jonesy?

  132. 132
    FFS says:

    She might have been a slave. They had slavery in Ethopia until well into the 1930s. Mind you, they were black slavers, so it doesn’t count…..

  133. 133
    Cinna says:

    She has it by a nose?

  134. 134
    What fun jgm2 says:

    Is Ed Balls?
    Can Jamie Reed?
    Does Liam Byrne?
    Has William Cash?
    is Damian Green?
    Is George Youg?
    Is Chris White?
    Is Sarah Champion?
    Does Andrew Love?
    Who does Stephen Pound?
    Is David Wright?
    Does Tracey Couch?
    Is Mark Reckless?
    What’s Phillip Dunne?

  135. 135
    non taxable pikey says:

    While you are at why not deny the holocaust? Tw@

  136. 136
    FFS says:

    Actually I checked in detail and Ethiopia had slavery until 1942.

    Slaves were chosen on the basis of “not being the right kind of black”.

  137. 137
    Rupe says:

    Blair is hopefully realising that his days as Saviour of the World, Messiah, and Son of God are rapidly being dashed.
    See him how he is.

    Was it worth the quickies Tone?

  138. 138
    FFS says:

    Bit unfair on the Catalans, they are a whole different kettle of fish.

  139. 139
    non taxable pikey says:

    Would be a good test for Taranis. We could always say it went off course.

  140. 140
    FFS says:

    Putin may be many things but he isn’t a commie

  141. 141

    I don’t think I am missing the point. The clue was in the word egalitarian.

    Come to that, what about all those paintings which are to be found at Number One, London? They will want those next.

  142. 142
    non taxable pikey says:


  143. 143
    England First says:

    If it happens again, open fire on the bugger. It would be legitimate against an act of aggression. Remember the Falklands.

  144. 144
    FFS says:

    It seems Blair was feeding Murdoch with information on the form that the Levenson enquiry was going to take (although he got the judge mane wrong – he was obviously told it would be Ken Macdonald). Question is should he have been doing that and what other information was he feeding Murdoch “off the record”?

  145. 145
    Ross McWhirter says:

    Outstanding achievement but sadly not a record – Harriet is still the record holder

  146. 146
    Anonymous says:

    Ah, but do I really give a flying fk?

  147. 147
    jgm2 says:

    It flies in the face of evidence to deny the holocaust but it shouldn’t be a crime either.

  148. 148
    FFS says:

    He didn’t say j o o s. He said Izraelis. That would be quite a shocker if there were evidence to back it up. No evidence so far…..

  149. 149
    FFS says:

    Don’t entirely agree. Whilst it shouldn’t attract a gaol sentence I believe you should be held to account for such views in a court of law and told to present evidence for your beliefs. If that evidence does not stand up to judicial scrutiny you should then be banned from repeating it.

    This passes the test for freedom of speech whilst allowing people to be protected from the spread of vicious lies.

  150. 150
    U turn if U want but..... says:

    So, when Vlad sends in the tanks does this become a Poland moment c.1938, will Mr Hague return from a small plane with a bit of paper assuring al that he has it on good authority that they are only cutting the grass.

    Does the EU have the vollvox to stand up or will there be a retreat holding Baroness Ashtray s skirt.

    While this is going on we need to sink the Spic warship now and sort it, Hague stand up for once and do it.

  151. 151
    jgm2 says:

    At least he’s not fucking anything up then.

  152. 152
    Displaced Brummie says:

    So, let’s see. Spain, a member of the EU, attacks another member of the EU.

    When does Spain get expelled from the EU?

    Waiting with popcorn… Gonna be a long wait.

  153. 153
    Xavier Onassis says:

    Next time they try it, we should do a Belgrano to them. The RN is rather good at sinking dagoes, had a lot of practice over the years. Come back Sir Francis Drake – beat the drum for Gibraltar!

  154. 154
    Jesus, pal of mo says:

    You talking ’bout my church?

  155. 155
    that's right says:

    Spain is simply trying to divert attention from it’s
    serious domestic problems.

  156. 156
    I want to know says:

    When will Ashton and van Rompey call for sanctions against
    Spanish aggressors.
    The people of Gibraltar have the right to be defended.

  157. 157
    Fleas of a thousand camels says:

    Quite agree..this crew in Madrid see reasonableness as a weakness..So lets kick ass…the sloppies couldnt put a decent parade together let alone fight

  158. 158
    nick says:

    Can a twig melt?

  159. 159
  160. 160
    RichUpNorth says:

    Maybe her new house is being delivered!

  161. 161
    RichUpNorth says:

    Feck off, Billy Bob Jones.

  162. 162
    Jim says:

    Just send one of these bad boys over;


    What’s the point at shouting at them when we’ve got some pretty big sticks?

  163. 163
    Anonymous says:

    I wish i had seen that cheeky feckers !

  164. 164
    Anonymous says:

    You have to wonder about Owen Jones, you really do !

  165. 165
    Anonymous says:

    Its the Ark Royal, FFS !

  166. 166
    Anonymous says:

    Didn’t know we had a navy left.

  167. 167
    broderick crawford says:


    you eengleesh may ‘ave smashed our glorious armada but if you do not give up gibraltar ( which we call the non-vinas because no wine is made
    there at all ) immediately we will send over ze border our new secret weapon ….. our phalanx of unemployed !!!

  168. 168
    broderick crawford says:


    yooo talkin’ tah meeee??

  169. 169
    broderick crawford says:

    yesh fair points but talking of points …. she does have big tits .

  170. 170
    broderick crawford says:


    Send those dagoes a bloody stiff note from the FCO for Gods sake … and if that doesn t work send a bloody gunboat ….and bring me another double brandy Jeeves before my afternoon “siesta” .

  171. 171
    My mouse says:

    Maybe they should invite in the Russkies. They are better at looking after their own interests than Dave and his half-witted Navy full of admirals without boats.

  172. 172
    40 Minutes to appocolypse should have been my Watergate Moment says:

    Then if you get it wrong you can always do a Hutton and kick it into the long grass for a hundred years

  173. 173
    40 Minutes to appocolypse should have been my Watergate Moment says:

    Send in the carriers, or have the French got the use of the asset this week.
    Then again if we did attack we might find the joint EUSSR Deffence boys and girls from down Glocster way are really a fifth collum

  174. 174
    Chris Gills Yates says:

    Dead right – but you won’t see a word of any of these matters on the BBC, which is the news media 85% of people get their info’ from. Now, had it been those nasty Tories…..

  175. 175
    frank says:

    Sort the dagoes out AND make a profit. Just refuse to pay the UK contribution to the EU until the Spanish stop playing silly buggers with the good people of Gibraltar. Only a fool would pay to join a club that didn’t enforce it’s rules.
    A £50,000,000 a day stick beginning at Calais.

    Can I have 0.5% for thinking up this blinder?

  176. 176
    Cost-of-Labour-crisis says:


  177. 177

    Looks like the Spanish have forgotten that we’re all meant to be mates these days. Odd that the EU is not telling the Spanish to behave?

  178. 178
    Memo From the Admiralty says:

    Dear Minister,


    Further to your recent requests to deter Spanish aggression in Gibralter’s territorial waters, I am pleased to report that we have sent HMS Sabre to perform this mission. As you know, cuts in defence spending have placed certain constraints on the fleet. As a result the ship is not quite ready for operational duty. In particular:

    The hull has been ordered and may arrive in about three months from our preferred Swiss supplier, who services the needs of their navy well.

    Fuel: Sadly our fuel card was dishoured at Porsmouth before the ship sailed. Could we perhaps have a top up before the next spending review? We did follow your advice to refill at Tesco’s but their planning application for a sail through filling station is beset by issues.

    The crew had a whip round but £11.50 does not get a modern warship far,as the Treasury knows only too well.

    No ammunition is on board. This is for two reasons; firstly it’s too expensive to waste on the Spanish, Secondly, it’s quite dangerous stuff and failed the Health and Safety risk assessment.

    Therefore this deployment now involves:

    Hiring a set of pedalos

    Paying for a cardbaord cutout of HMS Sabre (+waterproofing ) sized to fit over the pedalos

    Purchasing 4,000 oranges in lieue of ammunition. Highly recyclable and an acceptable alternative to those unpleasant shells.

    Training the crew to throw them.

    We have enquired of the private company which provides support services for the Navy, The above will cost £900,000.

    Option B would be to rent a ship from Spain, This would avoid any of the issues I have described. Informal enquiries suggest this will be acceptable -cash only,off the books.

    Option C – It may be sensible, given the financial state of both nations,for us to mount a joint exercise,using a single ship between us. That would of course guarantee no damage would occur and no diplomatic incident either.

    I await your guidance

    Admiral Faintly

  179. 179
    Dr Evil says:

    Ships captains should habe their autonomy of action restored. The RN captain should have sunk the Spanish bastards there and then. One shot across the bows then if no response sink them. Blow them out of the water.

  180. 180
    Anonymous says:

    “Davey sends the navy”
    Whatever next? Use our two new carriers to house those who have been flooded out? Then deploy those new multi-million dollar fighters against global warming?

  181. 181
    A numpty says:

    Or, alternatively, don’t post anything you can’t defend in court …

  182. 182
    Lillibet Saxa-Coberg Gotha says:

    Dear Spain, stfu about Gibraltar.

    Until you hand Cueta back to Morrocco I’ll consider you’re actions nothing more than mildly annoying. We may throw some rockets your way from one of my ships.


  183. 183
    Sir Roger de Senseless says:

    I’m shocked. I didn’t know we still had a navy. You’ll be telling me the airforce still has planes next!

  184. 184

    Send in the commandos Brigade size to capture the gunboat añd ports so no vessel can obstruct Het Majestys Royal Navy and Gibraltar.

Seen Elsewhere

World’s Second Most Popular Porn Site is Infecting You | Techno Guido
Newspapers No Longer Willing to Toe Party Line | Roy Greenslade
Introducing the New CapX | CapX
Burnham’s Newsnight Debacle Dissected | Dan Hodges
How I Survived Dry January | Nigel Farage
Greens are Commies in Disguise | Andrei Rogobete
When Osborne Weaponised | Paul Waugh
Divided Left Will Cost Ed | George Eaton
I’m Hoping Labour Attack Tories on Education | Toby Young
Westminster’s NHS Conspiracy of Silence | Allister Heath
Milburn Health Consultancy Worth £2 Million | Scrapbook

Rising Stars
Find out more about PLMR AD-MS

Dan Hodges on Labour unity

“We’ve heard a lot over the past few years about how Miliband has united Labour. But he has not united Labour. He has pacified Labour. He has placed it into a medically induced coma following the trauma of the party’s 2010 defeat.”

Tip off Guido
Web Guido's Archives

Subscribe me to:


AddThis Feed Button

Guido Reads

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,715 other followers