February 19th, 2014

Misery Index: Get Happy

You might be reading this with the ground floor of your house underwater but it doesn’t matter: you are officially the happiest you have been this parliament. Today’s unemployment figures provide a statistical anomaly of seeing the rate rise 0.1% even though the actual number has fallen by 125,000. Choose which stat you want to use as per partisan preference. 

There has been a small increase in Retail Price Index inflation, though the small fall in the Public Sector Net Cash Requirement provides some cheer. As you can see from the chart to the right, seasonally adjusted public sector debt aside, there is a clear trend of a decline in misery since February 2011…

N.B. stats bods can check Guido’s adding up here.


  1. 1
    Winning for Britain says:

    George Osborne is winning for Britain.

  2. 2
    Ed Balls says:

    You wait until I get in !

  3. 3
    Glyn H says:

    If he introduced 15% flat tax (as per Life after the State) or Carswells book the economy would fly and he would not need those despicable dishonest Liberals and Mili/Balls would be blown away!

  4. 4
    David Cameron, A Prince among men says:

    Could Flappy Birds have helped the figures ?

  5. 5

    Damned Lies
    Government Statistics
    AGW Statistics

    Vote UKIP

  6. 6
    A Philosopher says:

    But what does it all mean?

  7. 7
    Toxic Labour for Spongers, Parasites, Immigrants, Criminals & other Wasters. says:

    Make the most of it, we’ll all be suicidal if disgusting Labour gain power at the next election.

  8. 8
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Statistical anomaly = more immigrants

  9. 9
    As many as 50 of us? says:

    I see Guido is trying to re-ingratiate himself with the window lickers.

    Well done BQMP.

  10. 10
    Ed Balls says:

    This is simply not true.

    I get more and more miserable with each piece of economic news recently released.

  11. 11
    Cinna says:

    That’s the most likely reason.

  12. 12
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    So unemployment is up from 7.1% to 7.2%. The ConDems have failed.

  13. 13
    The Romgarian Ambassador says:

    More of my compatriots who didn’t come into the UK by bus, or the illegals who weren’t here already, have been allowed out of their soggy sheds to sign on.

  14. 14
    Sally Bercow says:

    ho told you I was a flappy bird?

  15. 15
    Ed Balls says:

    Time for Plan B

  16. 16
  17. 17
  18. 18
    Ed Miliband says:

    It’s the cost of living crisis.

  19. 19
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    If plan B is to:

    1. Slash the state in half

    2. Get us out of the EU

    3. Reduce foreign aid to natural disaster relief only

    4. Close all quangos

    5. Abolish all tax on petrol,electricity and gas

    then YES.

  20. 20
    Ed Miliband says:

    A Labour guovernment will introduce a 15% flat cap tax, to thank our Northern power base.

  21. 21
    Cast Iron Dave says:

    We’ll do no such thing, and on that you have my cast iron guarantee *

    * actual guarantee sincerity may vary. Your country is at risk if you do not keep up payments ……

  22. 22
    Danny Blanchflower says:


  23. 23
    White Dee says:

    The reason the % has gone up but the number has gone down is that I have been comfort eating more than usual as my depression has flared up again.

  24. 24
    Horatio the Butler says:

    I will be a lot happier when someone reimburses us for that 42inch Samsung TV.

  25. 25
    Sir Jimmy Savile, made in Britain by the BBC says:

    Did I ever meet Harman, Dromey and Hewitt?

  26. 26
    Appalling says:

    Harman and Dromey disgust me

  27. 27
    Joss Taskin says:

    Don’t know the difference between flapper and slapper ?

  28. 28
    Incapable Vince, deputy Chief Cockroach says:

    Who ?

  29. 29
    Lost Yoof says:

    make ipads in the Black Country..

  30. 30
    Ed Moribund says:

    Ith a cowst of mithery cwisis

  31. 31
    Erene the Egg says:

    You depress me.

  32. 32
    BBC-News Editor says:

    No problem Ed – this is another story we’ll not be covering.

  33. 33
    Dave Likes a Big One Up the Arse says:

    Yes but think of the bum sex fest I’ve made possible. And you can now marry the man that f_cks you! Oh happy land!

  34. 34
    Lord Stansted says:

    and deep-fried slabs in Glasgow

  35. 35
    Ed Moribund says:

    Cost of banking crisis is all I have left.

  36. 36
    Mr J. Dromey MP says:

    Things were different back then.

  37. 37
    Axe The Telly Tax & Religion & Kill All Eco-loons says:

    Never mind Ed, you should hug The Reverend Flowers, after all you did say the Co-op was the future of banking :-)

  38. 38
    All socialists are hypocrites says:

    The BBC omitted to show the front page of the Daily Mail on its paper review this morning. Instead it dwelled on various “celebrity froth” from other “red-tops”.

    Being curious(always a sign something is amiss for Labour when BBC declines to show front page)I purchased a copy……..

  39. 39
    Larry the Downing Street Cat says:

    It’s a great TV though.

  40. 40
    Ed Moribund says:

    I was miserable . All this good economic news was depressing me.

    But then I realised that when I’m prime minister in 2015, the economy will be fixed and the austerity will be over, and I’ll get all the credit!
    And I’ll be able to splurge and splurge and splurge again, until there’s no money left.

  41. 41
    Hergé says:

    I never read the Daily Mail

  42. 42
    Dave's Imaginary Navy says:

    I have this morning tabled another COBRA meeting and the commitee has decided to despatch HMS Ineffectual Bluster to the Black Sea in support of our embassy in Kiev

  43. 43
    It's shit news elsewhere says:

    The UK Trade Deficit for Goods & Services for the 3 Months Ending December 2013 was over £8 Billion.
    The Deficit for Goods only (3 Months) was £27 Billion.

    UK Trade Records Sheet Dec 2013


    Quite how draconian Cuts, aimed at the Poor Infirm & Pensioner, will improve the Deficit when the problem is a Balance of Trade escapes me.
    The more observant will notice ‘this terrible mess we inherited’ was not all Brown’s extravagant spending.

  44. 44
    Liam Byrne ( aka Baldemort ) says:

    Can I have my old job back or have you promised it to the Ginger Rodent ?

  45. 45
    Heil Cameron says:

    Money is no object when you are faced with Tory voters flooded out. Money is no object when it comes to bankers , who are still operating their slot machines with our money whilst paying themselves staggering bonuses. Money is an object though when it comes to the poor, the disabled and the ill. It’s the same old old Tory scenario. Squeeze the weak.

  46. 46
  47. 47
    The dvd rental shop says:

    No they weren’t. You were dodgy then and you are dodgy now.

  48. 48
    I feel fubarred etc... says:

    Back in 1960, Buddy Holly sang a song (Raining in my heart) with the lines: Oh misery, misery. What’s gonna happen to me?

    Shame he came to a sticky end a short time after that.

  49. 49
    Cinna says:

    BBC reckons there are 141,000 Romanians and Bulgarians here at the moment. I wonder if they’ve counted them themselves?

  50. 50
    Anonymous says:

    “Today’s unemployment figures provide a statistical anomaly of seeing the rate rise 0.1% even though the actual number has fallen by 125,000.”

    It’s not that difficult…

    New jobs are being created, hence the employment rate goes up, however the population is increasing (due to immigration) and 100% of the immigrants don’t get jobs, so the % of people unenployed also increases.

    It’s probably the Bulgarians and Romainians who are now entitled to claim benefits, which they wearn’t entitled to before.

    If they filmed benefits street now, it would be different, thankfully the Romainians wouldn’t have to work for illegal gang masters and be ripped off.

    The poor abused Romainians could simply claim housing benefit and unenployment benefit and get a house fully paid for on James Turner St. They wouldn’t be crowded 12 to a room either as the council don’t allow that.

    Thank goodness they won’t be crowded or forced to work, thank goodness they can now rely on the state to legally house them and pay benfefits. They can bring their extended families over in peace and claim child benefit as well. I am so glad my tax money is being used for this purpose.

    And to think, the latest study shows if household wages are less than £38,000 pa then the family is a net recieptant of state benefits and tax, ie the average family only makes a net contribution when their earnings are over £38,000 pa.

    Which begs the question, unless all these 600,0000 pa immigrants that come to the UK each year earn over £38,000, then far from contributing to society as the LibLabCon falsely claim, these immigrants are actually a net drain on UK plc and have to be paid for out of a) increased tax’s on the rest of us, and / or b) increased borrowing.

    Expect to see more odd statistics such as the unenployment % going down but the total bill for benefits increasing massivley.

  51. 51
    Anonymous says:

    No one belives Cast Iron do they.

    Lie after lie after lie has seen to that.

    He has destroyed his credibility by crying wolf on an EU referendum too many times.

    Time to change Cast Iron otherwise the Conservatives will not win an election for the next 15/20 years.

  52. 52

    Cameron offers A NEW HOPE..

  53. 53
    but says:

    The Mail had sold out in my newsagents.
    BBC attempts at censorship are useless.

  54. 54
    Anonymous says:

    Interesting to note, and completely ignored by the press:-

    On the Benefits Street discussion programme with Richard Bacon, there were 3 members of the audience who basically said the same thing in attacking benefits reliance.

    They said – You should only get out when you have paid in, that benefits are too generous, and women have kids to get benefits and a house.

    Richard Bacon completely ignored them and moved on to lefty soundbites from the rest of the guests, as have the UK MSM press.

    And the most embarrassing thing, the 3 people who said the above, were all black.

    Shock, horror.

    Why were they ignored, because it doesn’t fit the lefts socialist agenda.

    Imagine if a white person in a suit had said those things, they would have been hounded out of the studio and quoted on every BBC news programme for at least a week and probably forced to leave their job and give up any hope of adopting children.

    The left are hypocrites, ably supported by lefty liberal PC conservatives.

  55. 55
    olden1936 says:

    What good news. I feel more cheerful already!!!

  56. 56
    Anonymous says:

    I’ve checked your calculations and make it 10.026. It can’t be 9.9 because RPI + inflation alone is 10. Also no way can January be 12+
    Please explain!

  57. 57
    Anonymous says:

    Not only that, but reports are coming in of miracles being carries out by the government funded Atos. Life-changing miracles, in which seriously sick and disabled people are cured of long-term illness. For, with just one visit to an Atos Miracle Centre, seriously ill and disabled walk are declared – ‘Fit for Work’. Such outstanding healing need recording, so they can be reported to His Holiness. This will allow the firm to be canonized – all hail ‘Saint Atos and the miracle of the unemployment reduction rate.

    (With thanks to the Black Triangle group)

  58. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Total Reactionary, Fascist or Nazi – which one are you?

  59. 59
    broderick crawford says:

    there are lies , damn lies …… and the Treasury ….

  60. 60
    By the way says:


    Tax cuts for the rich,
    Wasting public money on Atos k1llers,
    Handing the NHS to private firms,
    Cuts in paid holidays,
    Cuts in maternity pay,
    Reduced job security,
    Cheap labour for Poundland and
    Tax avoidance by Starbucks?

  61. 61
    Anonymous says:

    In that case, why do the BBC try to avoid mentioning left-wing events, such as today’s national demo against Atos? Nor do they appear that interested in mentioning the protest’s aims and statement:

    “We will demand an end to the system that is continuing to cause the deaths of thousands of innocent people across the country”

    Yet another missed opportunity chance by this Tory-hating station?

  62. 62
    Anonymous says:

    But how can ANYONE that avoids the reactionary Daily Mail be that bad?

  63. 63
    Anonymous says:

    And what about the 1,300 long-term sick and disabled that, having been pronounced fit by Atos, had their benefits halted and died? But don’t be that hard on the government, for must make up for their 45% top rate of tax and all the tax avoidance. Right, who’s off to Starbucks?

  64. 64
    Anon says:

    And does the future of RBS look that bright?

  65. 65
    Anon says:

    So there you have it, the game plan of the hard-right – a one-party, fascist, state.

  66. 66
    Anon says:

    Reasons To Be cheerful – Part One: No more Nasty, Vile, Reactionaries. All together now, Always Look On The Bright Side of life.

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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”

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