February 17th, 2014

Chuka’s Afternoon Delight With the Person He Loves the Most
“He Was Doing Weights, Fairly Small Ones” During Work Hours

Vain Chuka Umunna never fails to praise people who work hard ‘all hours of the day and much of the night – to put bread on the table and serve your communities’. So what would they make of his cheeky afternoon sessions in his apartment building’s gym in Streatham while the Commons is sitting? While Parliament was discussing floods last Thursday afternoon Chuka was pumping a little iron: “He was doing weights, fairly small ones” says a witness, “working out when he should be just working.” How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?


101 Comments

  1. 1
    Peter Grimes says:

    Same size as his dick, probably!

    Like

  2. 2
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?

    Personal trainers?

    Like

  3. 3
    Ron Barras says:

    Another public sector shirker.

    These people are out of control, taking leisure time during the middle of the day when they’re supposed to be at work.

    Like

    • 6
      Jane Pigrim says:

      He should have booked a nice office massage and some retail therapy at Westfield to improve worker’s poor morale owing to evil Tory cuts to something or other.

      Like

    • 88
      (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

      Ah but you didn’t see him working down Streatham with his “friend” from the council the other Saturday.
      24/7 these MP’s, they need to take their leisure time when they can, its not as if they get loads of holidays is it?

      Like

  4. 5
    Too fast? says:

    “in his apartment building’s gym”

    Private space, Guido. Off-limits for all kinds of reasons to you.

    Like

  5. 7
    All the world says:

    More effort in a wet fart than Chucka Boomerang.

    Like

  6. 8
    carlo gambino says:

    They crease me up these MPs.

    Once or twice a year they trot at 11pm at night from an HoC bar to the chamber for a late night vote.

    They translate this (for the benefit of us the little people) into

    ‘working dreadfully hard 80-90 hours a week for my constituents’.

    Like

  7. 9
    Sally says:

    I love a sweaty gentleman of colour * lunch-box face *

    Like

  8. 12
    How to keep chuka happy? says:

    Place him in front of a dummy dressed as a photographer with a automatic camera taking photos every 30 seconds with a recorded 168 hour tape of poses to go through. 5 minute break every two hours. Pizza delivery boy to turn up every 5 hours.

    Like

  9. 15
    Labour Luvvie says:

    OMG! It could be a film – “12 years a Trougher”!

    Like

  10. 18
    Rightybaiter says:

    Well Well Well, now here’s a turn up for the books! Clegg wooing Milliband, he wooed the voter and Stabbed them in the back, they went into Coalition with the 4th reich and are stabbing them in the back. I think Ed Milliband has been very wise to kick Clegg into touch, possibly because he has seen him to be a Backstabbing (fatherless person ).

    Like

  11. 20
    The HoC Troughers Unlimited says:

    Look here you filthy stinking peasants how many more times do we have
    to tell you “Don’t do as we do, DO as we say”

    Now get on with it & Pay all your Taxes as demanded …..

    So we continue to enjoy the Lifestyle designated from on high…..

    Like

  12. 21
    Casual Observer 2 says:

    Piccaninny has just retrieved the double ended butt plug that Lucretia Burger inserted at their last BDSM tryst.

    Like

  13. 23
    HuffPost Intern says:

    Like

    • 34
      Bill Quango MP/5 says:

      Don’t forget to blame the demonisation of benefits cheats on Tory cuts.

      Like

    • 35
      Stabilo Boss says:

      At 10pm he’ll be writing letters saying he’d like to clamp down on scroungers and cut welfare spending

      Like

    • 38
      JH2349302823-09-590 says:

      Don’t forget to ask Owen what he thinks about the wonderful fair-elections Socialist Eden of Venezuela shooting its own students in the street.

      Like

    • 39
      Paniagua V5.1 says:

      I hope that CH4 air that goddamn awful sochi gay advert, just for your pleasure Merde, right before you are on you hypocritical POS.

      Like

    • 45
      Anonymous says:

      We’ll I won!t be watching, bongo Hunt.

      Like

      • 53
        A woman says:

        He has as much expertise on the benefit system as he does on abortion.

        Like

        • 89
          (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

          Mehdi Hassan & Owen Jones on the same platform.
          The intellectual prowess on show will be utterly mind-blowing.
          I bet they’ll also come at the subject from a completely unbiased centre ground perspective.

          Like

  14. 26
    Alex Salmond, formerly the cleverest man in politics says:

    Me and the lads have rented a Transit and are on the way down the A1 to retake Berwick-upon-Tweed for the Scottish people.

    Like

  15. 33
    One Shit says:

    Well Well Well, now here’s a turn up for the books! Clegg wooing Milliband, he wooed the voter and Stabbed them in the back, they went into Coalition with the 4th reich and are stabbing them in the back. I think Ed Milliband has been very wise to kick Clegg into touch, possibly because he has seen him to be a Backstabbing (fatherless person ).

    Like

    • 36
      Bob Amser says:

      I hope that Ed Milliband will be knocking on the door of the Green party, regardless of the outcome of the election

      Like

    • 37
      Dave Milibiscuit says:

      Maybe they can stab each other in the back.

      Like

      • 43
        just saying says:

        Miliband would accept any Lib Dem offer if
        it meant he could enter No 10.

        Like

        • 59
          No 10 Office Cleaners says:

          Sorry Mr Miliband, you are just not exerienced enough. Have you thought of maybe doing an internship where you can develop some practical office cleaning skills?

          Like

  16. 40
    ABC says:

    A Gated community. Keeps out the trash

    http://goo.gl/maps/a0NkI

    Like

    • 60
      Harrison says:

      That whole hood is full of trash.

      I will soon be at my ‘White House’ in Ibiza, posing by the pool in an open-necked white shirt with big collars with my cheeks sucked in.

      I can see myself now and – damn, I look good.

      Like

  17. 44
    Ctesibius says:

    Nick Clegg walked into a bank branch this morning to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said “Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me”?

    Cashier: “It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

    Clegg: “Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!!!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity.”

    Clegg: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

    Cashier: “I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

    Clegg: “I need this cheque cashed.”

    Cashier: “Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.

    “Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque.. So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?”

    Clegg stood there thinking and finally said: “Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing I’m good at.”

    Cashier: “Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?”

    Like

  18. 47
    Ctesibius says:

    Modbot obviously doesn’t like to see the letter H followed by an S, then a bee and finally a sea.

    Like

    • 65
      Pesky pedant says:

      Type it backwards or with * between the letters. We will all know what your mean.
      h*s*b*c

      like that

      Like

  19. 49
    Vote UKIP already ma boy says:

    Like

    • 64
      Ed Milibiscuit says:

      Labour candidate for the NW is a Britain-hating socialist who, like me, will kiss the arse of any member of the UNITE union to get elected. How about a few quid for the envelope stuffing fund?

      Like

      • 68
        Fly on the wall says:

        Like that one in Wythenshaw last week who claimed a mandate with just 20% of the total population entitled to vote. Such apathy displayed by constituents should result automatically in the constituency being closed down until the next GE.

        PS: If you check the 5th word above on spellcheck, it comes back with “Heathenish”. How apt!

        Like

    • 66
      The BBC says:

      See! Told you they are all Nazis!

      Oh, hang on, the candidate is the four-by-two.

      This is tricky. A bit like the gay rainbow flags at those EeeDeeL marches. Doesn’t fit the desired discourse at all.

      We’ll just ignore it. I’m sure it will go away.

      Like

      • 70
        Mel Gibson says:

        What would you say if UKIP banned orthodox J*ws from standing as candidates then Katie?
        Silly cow.

        Like

        • 74
          Paniagua V5.1 says:

          Are there any unorthodox j*ws?

          Like

          • Lord Levy says:

            Ed Miliband, David Miliband, Peter Mandelson, Luciana Berger et al

            Like

          • John Bellingham says:

            Conservative, Reform, Progressive, Reconstructionist, Neolog, Humanist, Renewal, J3wish Scientist and J3ws for Jesus are just a few. The Orthodox might be Haredi, Hasidic, Satmar, Bobov, Ger or Lubavitch.
            Then there are the Atheists who are not J3wish except for circumcisions, Bar Mitzvahs, marriages, job applications or accepting large sums of money from Isra3l.

            Like

          • Throg says:

            Splitters!

            Like

    • 97
      John Bellingham says:

      He is allowed to shake hands with a Lady–but not with the likes of you.

      Like

  20. 51
    Emily Dingleberry says:

    Weightlifting is great! You should see my snatch – it’s amazing!

    Like

  21. 52
    MayfairMagFan says:

    None.

    But where else could a duplicitous frigwit like Chuka get a job?

    Like

  22. 54
    cor blimey says:

    Is this dayglo thingy not Peter`s butt plug?

    Like

  23. 55
    Jimmy says:

    “How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?”

    Not yours apparently.

    Like

    • 67
      JH39482938432905 says:

      That’s a bit fattist Jimmy?

      I mean, being WACIST is the biggest crime in the universe apparently, so surely insulting someone’s various other physical attributes is on the same continuum?

      Like

    • 73
      Diane Abbot says:

      SIZIST !

      Like

    • 77
      JH39482938432905 says:

      Yeah Jimmy, I knew someone who was a bit of a heffer, they SUFFERED and were OPPRESSED by EVIL people like you, all because they couldn’t eat without sweating.

      You are just like the others and should be ASHAMED and this means anything else you say about everything EVER is WRONG and you should GO AWAY and let us be in power for EVER and ever and you are FATTIST and just a SAME OLD FATTIST.

      Hey, this is easy.

      I can see why you do it.

      Like

  24. 63
    Bob Amser says:

    What does Clegg take the electorate for ?

    He has aided and abetted some of the most right-wing, divisive and devastating policy initiatives ever seen in this country, only to seemingly disown them as it becomes ever clear that the election is lost. The Tories haven’t “changed for the worse” overnight, they’ve set out their stall since Day One.

    It’s hard to adequately describe my contempt for the bloke and it’s evident that many Labour MP’s feel the same way.

    Like

    • 72
      Nick Clegg says:

      Look I’ve said I’m sorry, and I’m getting frustrated at being stereotyped as a lazy, backstabbing, cover up artist, who is also a COTHO.

      Like

    • 79
      Tony Blair says:

      No Iraqi civilians were hurt in the making of this government which is more than can be said of mine.

      Like

  25. 76
    Pumping Trash says:

    Like

  26. 80
    cornwall storms says:

    You cannot say that being an mp is a proper job. It is merely a seat on a gravy train.

    Like

  27. 81
    Lord Oakeshit says:

    I’m still a shit

    Like

  28. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Is it possible that this vile specimen is even more odious than Vazeline?

    Like

  29. 94
    MacGuffin says:

    I want to come back as Chukka’s post-workout gym towel. Imagine being rubbed all over that gorgeous hunk.

    With my luck, however, I’d probably come back as Neo Guido’s towel – three times the size (by necessity) and hardly ever used (luckily).

    Like

  30. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Chuckie what have you been pumping now?

    Like

  31. 96
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    I thought that Chucka Him Out of the Country was a pillow biter.

    Like

  32. 99
    Giving Jimmy's the frozen shoulder. says:

    He is beginning to look like a chewed up caramel.

    Like

  33. 100
    Fit for the Sewers says:

    What a vain túrd!

    Like


Seen Elsewhere

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Russell Brand’s New Book “Sub-Undergraduate Dross” | Telegraph
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Could UKIP Keep Britain in the EU? | Iain Martin
Why Piketty is Wrong | ConHome
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Milburn Levelling Down | Kathy Gyngell
Crosby and Carswell Make Friends at Guido’s Dinner | Mail
Mrs Danczuk Beats Mensch to Win Guido | Telegaph
PM Congratulates Blogger Who Destroyed Minister | Mail


VOTER-RECALL
Find out more about PLMR


Rob Colvile reviews Russell Brand’s new book:

“Oddly, the person I feel sorriest for isn’t Brand himself – although he certainly comes across as a rather pitiable figure, projecting his own brokenness on to the world around him – but Johann Hari. Drummed out of Fleet Street for plagiarism, the former Independent columnist has washed up as “my mate Johann, who’s been doing research for this book”. For a genuinely talented polemicist, it would have been a humbling experience to have to treat this sub-undergraduate dross as the scintillating wisdom of a philosopher-king.”



Mycroft says:

Have you read the last bit of Animal Farm?

You know where the animals are looking through the Farmhouse window?

My TV screen was that window at lunch-time today.

Be careful, the sudden self-congratulatory tone, the slightly pudgy outline of indulgence and you become exactly what you should despise.

The jolly face of the Quisling Cameron poses for your camera has mesmerised and deceived you, you who were once not so deceived.

You were no firebrand, you were a damp squib in my opinion, sorry.

You need a damned good kick up the ahse!


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