February 17th, 2014

Chuka’s Afternoon Delight With the Person He Loves the Most
“He Was Doing Weights, Fairly Small Ones” During Work Hours

Vain Chuka Umunna never fails to praise people who work hard ‘all hours of the day and much of the night – to put bread on the table and serve your communities’. So what would they make of his cheeky afternoon sessions in his apartment building’s gym in Streatham while the Commons is sitting? While Parliament was discussing floods last Thursday afternoon Chuka was pumping a little iron: “He was doing weights, fairly small ones” says a witness, “working out when he should be just working.” How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?


  1. 1
    Peter Grimes says:

    Same size as his dick, probably!

  2. 2
    M­a­­­­q­bo­­ul says:

    How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?

    Personal trainers?

  3. 3
    Ron Barras says:

    Another public sector shirker.

    These people are out of control, taking leisure time during the middle of the day when they’re supposed to be at work.

  4. 4
    Bill Quango MP says:


  5. 5
    Too fast? says:

    “in his apartment building’s gym”

    Private space, Guido. Off-limits for all kinds of reasons to you.

  6. 6
    Jane Pigrim says:

    He should have booked a nice office massage and some retail therapy at Westfield to improve worker’s poor morale owing to evil Tory cuts to something or other.

  7. 7
    All the world says:

    More effort in a wet fart than Chucka Boomerang.

  8. 8
    carlo gambino says:

    They crease me up these MPs.

    Once or twice a year they trot at 11pm at night from an HoC bar to the chamber for a late night vote.

    They translate this (for the benefit of us the little people) into

    ‘working dreadfully hard 80-90 hours a week for my constituents’.

  9. 9
    Sally says:

    I love a sweaty gentleman of colour * lunch-box face *

  10. 10
    Chuka. The public face of BT faults says:

  11. 11
    Computer says No says:

    Bloggers, Gym ?

  12. 12
    How to keep chuka happy? says:

    Place him in front of a dummy dressed as a photographer with a automatic camera taking photos every 30 seconds with a recorded 168 hour tape of poses to go through. 5 minute break every two hours. Pizza delivery boy to turn up every 5 hours.

  13. 13
    Chukka Umunna says:

    Thanks trash.

  14. 14
    A Taxpayer says:

    Who’s apartment?

  15. 15
    Labour Luvvie says:

    OMG! It could be a film – “12 years a Trougher”!

  16. 16
    Jack says:

    So do i

  17. 17
    Diane Abbot says:


  18. 18
    Rightybaiter says:

    Well Well Well, now here’s a turn up for the books! Clegg wooing Milliband, he wooed the voter and Stabbed them in the back, they went into Coalition with the 4th reich and are stabbing them in the back. I think Ed Milliband has been very wise to kick Clegg into touch, possibly because he has seen him to be a Backstabbing (fatherless person ).

  19. 19
    Ron Barras says:

    Private space? On tax payer’s time.

    Chuka thinks he can shirk indoors but the vigilant citizens are alert to his tricks.

  20. 20
    The HoC Troughers Unlimited says:

    Look here you filthy stinking peasants how many more times do we have
    to tell you “Don’t do as we do, DO as we say”

    Now get on with it & Pay all your Taxes as demanded …..

    So we continue to enjoy the Lifestyle designated from on high…..

  21. 21
    Casual Observer 2 says:

    Piccaninny has just retrieved the double ended butt plug that Lucretia Burger inserted at their last BDSM tryst.

  22. 22
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    Chuka Umunna, is he the British Barry Obama?

  23. 23
    HuffPost Intern says:

  24. 24
    Sink Hole says:

    When is this nasty piece of shit going to get the bullet.

  25. 25
    RomaBob.... Beeeeg Issue! says:

    This is f*cking disgusting…..go wash your mouth out now!

  26. 26
    Alex Salmond, formerly the cleverest man in politics says:

    Me and the lads have rented a Transit and are on the way down the A1 to retake Berwick-upon-Tweed for the Scottish people.

  27. 27
    FFS says:


  28. 28
    A Voter says:

    Next May.

  29. 29
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Arent painters and decorators firemen in their spare time?

  30. 30
    FFS says:

    Ah, M. Salmond, something tells me you haven’t thought this though. In fact something tells me you never think things through…..

  31. 31
    A pig with a Red Rosette says:



  32. 32
    C.O.Jones says:

    No need to use violence, you can have it for free.

  33. 33
    One Shit says:

    Well Well Well, now here’s a turn up for the books! Clegg wooing Milliband, he wooed the voter and Stabbed them in the back, they went into Coalition with the 4th reich and are stabbing them in the back. I think Ed Milliband has been very wise to kick Clegg into touch, possibly because he has seen him to be a Backstabbing (fatherless person ).

  34. 34
    Bill Quango MP/5 says:

    Don’t forget to blame the demonisation of benefits cheats on Tory cuts.

  35. 35
    Stabilo Boss says:

    At 10pm he’ll be writing letters saying he’d like to clamp down on scroungers and cut welfare spending

  36. 36
    Bob Amser says:

    I hope that Ed Milliband will be knocking on the door of the Green party, regardless of the outcome of the election

  37. 37
    Dave Milibiscuit says:

    Maybe they can stab each other in the back.

  38. 38
    JH2349302823-09-590 says:

    Don’t forget to ask Owen what he thinks about the wonderful fair-elections Socialist Eden of Venezuela shooting its own students in the street.

  39. 39
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    I hope that CH4 air that goddamn awful sochi gay advert, just for your pleasure Merde, right before you are on you hypocritical POS.

  40. 40
    ABC says:

    A Gated community. Keeps out the trash


  41. 41
    Casual Observer 2 says:

    They are FIREFIGHTERS — “Firemen” is soooo non PC, ducky

  42. 42
    Tombola says:

    Roll up, Roll up.

    First prize Berwick-upon-Tweed.

    Second prize Sunderland AND Berwick-upon-Tweed.

  43. 43
    just saying says:

    Miliband would accept any Lib Dem offer if
    it meant he could enter No 10.

  44. 44
    Ctesibius says:

    Nick Clegg walked into a bank branch this morning to cash a cheque. As he approached the cashier he said “Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me”?

    Cashier: “It would be my pleasure Sir. Could you please show me your ID?”

    Clegg: “Well I didn’t bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. I am Nick Clegg, the Deputy Prime Minister!!!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but with all the regulations, monitoring, of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc. I must insist on proof of identity.”

    Clegg: “Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am.”

    Cashier: “I am sorry Deputy Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them.”

    Clegg: “I need this cheque cashed.”

    Cashier: “Perhaps there’s another way: One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Colin Montgomery and cashed his cheque.

    “Another time, Andy Murray came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot where the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that spectacular shot we cashed his cheque.. So sir, what can you do to prove that you, and only you, are the Deputy Prime Minister?”

    Clegg stood there thinking and finally said: “Honestly, I can’t think of a single thing I’m good at.”

    Cashier: “Will that be large or small notes, Deputy Prime Minister?”

  45. 45
    Anonymous says:

    We’ll I won!t be watching, bongo Hunt.

  46. 46
    Rufus Stone says:

    He’s only following his hero’s example, Flush Gordon.

  47. 47
    Ctesibius says:

    Modbot obviously doesn’t like to see the letter H followed by an S, then a bee and finally a sea.

  48. 48

    Can gynaecologists study at the Open University?

  49. 49
    Vote UKIP already ma boy says:

  50. 50
  51. 51
    Emily Dingleberry says:

    Weightlifting is great! You should see my snatch – it’s amazing!

  52. 52
    MayfairMagFan says:


    But where else could a duplicitous frigwit like Chuka get a job?

  53. 53
    A woman says:

    He has as much expertise on the benefit system as he does on abortion.

  54. 54
    cor blimey says:

    Is this dayglo thingy not Peter`s butt plug?

  55. 55
    Jimmy says:

    “How many other jobs allow you swan off for the afternoon to go down the gym?”

    Not yours apparently.

  56. 56
    Pesky pedant says:

    Apartment building? Is this doubleplusgoodspeak for a block of flats?

  57. 57
    Diane Fartbott says:

    Fatness before fitness.

  58. 58
    Pesky pedant says:

    Any chance you have a gym in your flats Di?

  59. 59
    No 10 Office Cleaners says:

    Sorry Mr Miliband, you are just not exerienced enough. Have you thought of maybe doing an internship where you can develop some practical office cleaning skills?

  60. 60
    Harrison says:

    That whole hood is full of trash.

    I will soon be at my ‘White House’ in Ibiza, posing by the pool in an open-necked white shirt with big collars with my cheeks sucked in.

    I can see myself now and – damn, I look good.

  61. 61

    Berwick is a lovely town. I still own a house there. Don’t think I would live there though, unless in the summer.

  62. 62
    Here's another idea says:

    Chukky has to keep fit. Last time he went to see his GP, the doctor said ‘You look a bit of a hunt’ and referred him to a gynaecologist.

  63. 63
    Bob Amser says:

    What does Clegg take the electorate for ?

    He has aided and abetted some of the most right-wing, divisive and devastating policy initiatives ever seen in this country, only to seemingly disown them as it becomes ever clear that the election is lost. The Tories haven’t “changed for the worse” overnight, they’ve set out their stall since Day One.

    It’s hard to adequately describe my contempt for the bloke and it’s evident that many Labour MP’s feel the same way.

  64. 64
    Ed Milibiscuit says:

    Labour candidate for the NW is a Britain-hating socialist who, like me, will kiss the arse of any member of the UNITE union to get elected. How about a few quid for the envelope stuffing fund?

  65. 65
    Pesky pedant says:

    Type it backwards or with * between the letters. We will all know what your mean.

    like that

  66. 66
    The BBC says:

    See! Told you they are all Nazis!

    Oh, hang on, the candidate is the four-by-two.

    This is tricky. A bit like the gay rainbow flags at those EeeDeeL marches. Doesn’t fit the desired discourse at all.

    We’ll just ignore it. I’m sure it will go away.

  67. 67
    JH39482938432905 says:

    That’s a bit fattist Jimmy?

    I mean, being WACIST is the biggest crime in the universe apparently, so surely insulting someone’s various other physical attributes is on the same continuum?

  68. 68
    Fly on the wall says:

    Like that one in Wythenshaw last week who claimed a mandate with just 20% of the total population entitled to vote. Such apathy displayed by constituents should result automatically in the constituency being closed down until the next GE.

    PS: If you check the 5th word above on spellcheck, it comes back with “Heathenish”. How apt!

  69. 69
    Jimmy says:

    Guido works for the Digger. What’s private space?

  70. 70
    Mel Gibson says:

    What would you say if UKIP banned orthodox J*ws from standing as candidates then Katie?
    Silly cow.

  71. 71
    Fly on the wall says:

    Ibiza as a bar tender?

  72. 72
    Nick Clegg says:

    Look I’ve said I’m sorry, and I’m getting frustrated at being stereotyped as a lazy, backstabbing, cover up artist, who is also a COTHO.

  73. 73
    Diane Abbot says:

    SIZIST !

  74. 74
    Paniagua V5.1 says:

    Are there any unorthodox j*ws?

  75. 75
    Up the spout says:

    The battle of Gretna Green

  76. 76
    Pumping Trash says:

  77. 77
    JH39482938432905 says:

    Yeah Jimmy, I knew someone who was a bit of a heffer, they SUFFERED and were OPPRESSED by EVIL people like you, all because they couldn’t eat without sweating.

    You are just like the others and should be ASHAMED and this means anything else you say about everything EVER is WRONG and you should GO AWAY and let us be in power for EVER and ever and you are FATTIST and just a SAME OLD FATTIST.

    Hey, this is easy.

    I can see why you do it.

  78. 78
    Lord Levy says:

    Ed Miliband, David Miliband, Peter Mandelson, Luciana Berger et al

  79. 79
    Tony Blair says:

    No Iraqi civilians were hurt in the making of this government which is more than can be said of mine.

  80. 80
    cornwall storms says:

    You cannot say that being an mp is a proper job. It is merely a seat on a gravy train.

  81. 81
    Lord Oakeshit says:

    I’m still a shit

  82. 82
    Chukka says:

    Yes, its the kind of pseudo-hipster nonsense which netrosexual estate agents indulge in.

  83. 83
  84. 84
    Harriet Harman and the gob of doom says:

    The Hogfarts express.

  85. 85
    University of the Internet says:

    What does Wikipedia say?

  86. 86
    Derek from Berwick says:

    Do you claim tax free expenses on it?

  87. 87
    Anonymous says:

    Is it possible that this vile specimen is even more odious than Vazeline?

  88. 88
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Ah but you didn’t see him working down Streatham with his “friend” from the council the other Saturday.
    24/7 these MP’s, they need to take their leisure time when they can, its not as if they get loads of holidays is it?

  89. 89
    (Rarely) Dangerous Brian says:

    Mehdi Hassan & Owen Jones on the same platform.
    The intellectual prowess on show will be utterly mind-blowing.
    I bet they’ll also come at the subject from a completely unbiased centre ground perspective.

  90. 90
    Mark Oaten says:

    I love sweaty gentleman’s issue of a certain colour.

  91. 91
    Mark Oaten says:

    Me and Alex are going to buy Berwick on Tweed back with a van full of milk bottle tops and jam jars.

  92. 92
    Postal voting patel says:

    Labour candidate very nice man, worth voting twice for, whoever he was.

  93. 93
    Tommy Twp says:

    Well, I’m not a gynaecologist, but I’ll look into it for you.

  94. 94
    MacGuffin says:

    I want to come back as Chukka’s post-workout gym towel. Imagine being rubbed all over that gorgeous hunk.

    With my luck, however, I’d probably come back as Neo Guido’s towel – three times the size (by necessity) and hardly ever used (luckily).

  95. 95
    Anonymous says:

    Oh Chuckie what have you been pumping now?

  96. 96
    ron Vibbentrop says:

    I thought that Chucka Him Out of the Country was a pillow biter.

  97. 97
    John Bellingham says:

    He is allowed to shake hands with a Lady–but not with the likes of you.

  98. 98
    John Bellingham says:

    Conservative, Reform, Progressive, Reconstructionist, Neolog, Humanist, Renewal, J3wish Scientist and J3ws for Jesus are just a few. The Orthodox might be Haredi, Hasidic, Satmar, Bobov, Ger or Lubavitch.
    Then there are the Atheists who are not J3wish except for circumcisions, Bar Mitzvahs, marriages, job applications or accepting large sums of money from Isra3l.

  99. 99
    Giving Jimmy's the frozen shoulder. says:

    He is beginning to look like a chewed up caramel.

  100. 100
    Fit for the Sewers says:

    What a vain túrd!

  101. 101
    Throg says:


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